Waiting for the Etonians: Reports from the Sickbed of Liberal England

NICK COHEN

Waiting for the Etonians

Reports from the sickbed

of Liberal England

To A-M for sustaining and supporting me

CONTENTS

Introduction—Looking Back at the Ruins

PART 1—The Classless Society

Holding on to Nurse

Class Hatred: A Defence

The Cool Rich and the Dumb Poor

The Moneyed Young Beasts

In Search of the Normal

PART 2—Who is England? What is She?

Celebrity Chefs and Invisible Immigrants

Black on Brown/Brown on Black

Ryanair Migrants

Neo-Fascists at the Village Hall

Shooting the Foxes

Law without Order

Svengali at the Church School

Blowing Britishness Away

PART 3—Oh, Comrades!

Pacifists and the Bomb

Communists and Fascists

Pseudo-Leftists and Real Rightists

Eco-tourists and Islamo-terrorists

Multiculturalists and Monomaniacs

Liberals and Murderers (Part One)

Liberals and Murderers (Part Two)

Social Democrats and Theocrats

PART 4—Tyranny and the Intellectuals

Martin Amis Meets Liberal London

Neoconitis Sweeps Broadcast News

It’s the Jews, Once Again

Vänster Om, Höger Om!

Nicolas Sarkozy Woos Bernard-Henri Lévy

PART 5—The Silence of the Hams

The Rout of the Avant-Garde

Now It’s the Art Galleries

The Broadcasters Bite Their Tongues

A Cartoon Crisis

State Britain

Labour’s Contemptible Election Trade-off

Inequality before the Law

PART 6—Bread without Freedom

Lesser Breeds without the Law

The White Woman’s Burden

Let Them Eat Organic

The Menace of the Quaint

PART 7—Cuckoo Land

Pathologising Everyday Life

The Genetic Revolution (Postponed)

The Clairvoyants

Criminal Crackers

Beware of the Flowers

PART 8—Before the Banks Bust

The World on Your Doorstep

Casino Capitalism

Natural-Born Billers

The Roc’s Egg of Great Ladies’ Assemblies

Primal Screams and Broken Dreams

‘Sub-prime’ (adjective): Insanely Risky

The Skull beneath the Skin

PART 9—Waiting for the Etonians

The Making of the Next Prime Minister?

‘We’re from the Tory Party and We’ve Come to Help’

Breaking the Camel’s Back

All Passion Spent

Attack of the Mulletts

Tory Isolationism

The Retreat to Little England

The Great Leap Backwards

Postscript—The Reasonableness of Ranters

Index

Also by Nick Cohen

About the Author

Review

Copyright

About the Publisher

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