Come Together

‘Elspeth didn’t have to come,’ he said. He hadn’t forced anyone to sign up, and, to be perfectly honest, he thought the band might be happier without her. He didn’t really want her around, acting as a constant reminder.

‘You’d seriously do this without her? We’re honouring her dead husband, and you’d leave her behind? She’s the most right out of all of us to be included. I wish to God you’d admit that, instead of constantly trying to co-opt her grief.’

‘Co-opt her grief,’ he muttered, flabbergasted by Rock Giant’s gall. Xane and Steve had been best friends since they were eleven. They’d been lovers for nearly eighteen months, and had been to hell and back together several times over. Just because Steve had ultimately chosen Elspeth didn’t mean Xane’s feelings for the guy were any less sincere than Elspeth’s, or any less intense – assuming Elspeth was capable of that level of depth. He doubted the authenticity of everything she’d ever said to him, other than her delight in screwing him up when she said goodbye.

Rock Giant did so love acting as her knight protector, though. ‘You know the bit that really doesn’t add up, Xane?’ he continued, determined, it seemed, to stir things up. ‘It’s the fact that you make like you’re so devastated because the pair of them dumped you, but then you dive into bed with Dani less than twelve hours later. That’s not the action of someone who’s lost the love of his life. I don’t think you were in love. I think your pride got hurt, because they chose one another over being with you.’

‘Shut the fuck up.’ Paul didn’t know a damn thing. Only what Elspeth had told him, which would be half-truths at best. Xane slapped his hand against a poster they passed, and tore it from the wall. He really was trying hard not to let this devolve into a fight, but connecting his shin with Rock Giant’s nuts was looking increasingly appealing.

‘I say we vote on your girl coming along.’

Xane sucked the ring that pierced the centre of his lower lip, and wished he’d already applied his full mask of stage make-up. The veneer of pan-stick white mixed with blood and kohl made schooling his expressions so much easier. Rather than engage in a pantomime back and forth, he simply shook his head. They weren’t voting. If it came to it, he and Dani could ride on the main bus and anyone who objected to her presence could bunk up with Ash on the sleazemobile – the rust-bucket of a bus that was ostensibly meant to house the road crew but inevitably became Ash’s shagging pad. Somehow, he suspected Dani’s presence wouldn’t be quite so objectionable to them when faced with that prospect.

Honestly, he didn’t know what the hell they could find to object about her anyway. She wasn’t exactly high drama. She was the sort of girl mothers dreamed you’d bring home. Most mothers at any rate; his had never given a shit.

‘She’s coming, and that’s the end of it,’ he muttered. ‘If you don’t like it, take your bass and stuff it up your arse.’ He was getting one thing straight from the outset. He wasn’t going to be walked all over or taken for granted any more. This band was his outfit. He wrote the material, he was the creative force behind it. Every bugger else was replaceable. He expected a little respect.

To his astonishment, Rock Giant clapped him on the back. ‘OK, bring your girl, but try and cut Elspeth some slack, please. She is genuinely a mess right now. Losing Steve’s hit her bloody hard. It’s hit us all hard, I know, but …’ He shook his head. ‘You’ll see.’

Chapter 2

You’re dead to me, Dani, if you go with him. Dead – like your father. Men don’t love. They only think with their dicks. He’s using you. He’ll discard you, just as soon as he’s sucked all the goodness from you.

She made Xane sound like a vampire.

Dani’s finger hovered over the delete button. As mementos went it was a strange one to want to preserve. Then again, it summed up her mother perfectly – batshit crazy, preachy, lacking in genuine understanding or warmth. It also succinctly summarised why Dani was here and not with her mum, locked inside the religious commune that’d been her home since the age of eleven.

Xane might tempt her to sin, but he sure made it a lot of fun, whereas being a good girl the whole time was deadly dull. She didn’t want to turn into the sort of sanctimonious leech her mother and the other women of the Sisterhood of St Agatha’s were. She wanted to live and love, experience what the world had to offer. And yes, it totally did help that the world in this current context happened to possess washboard abs, the voice of Lucifer and waist-length hair the colour of midnight.

Xane Geist could turn her insides mushy with a single glance. He rocked her goddamned world. Hers and a couple of million other folks’ – but she was the only one he was taking on tour.

‘Dani Fosbrook?’

Dani peeped up from her phone screen. The voice didn’t belong to Xane, nor to anyone else she recognised. Although, to be fair, she couldn’t see much of the man’s face, because of the asymmetrical cut of his blond hair. Crew, she gathered, given his Black Halo ‘Requiem for the Damned’ T-shirt and khaki cut-offs stuffed with guitar strings and bits of electrical cable.

‘I’m here to take you backstage.’

Hallelujah! She’d been sitting waiting for someone to fetch her for far too long. It wouldn’t have been such a big deal, but ever since a certain video clip of her and Xane together had gone viral, she’d become an object of curiosity – the rock star’s girlfriend. Hence the queuing fans with their faces pressed to the glass doors.

Unbidden, her escort hefted her suitcase, proving he had muscle hiding beneath that lean physique. She’d squeezed most of her worldly possessions into that bag.

‘Ready?’ He swiped them through a set of security doors.

Dani trotted along behind him. She’d never been more ready in her life, though she was nervous about properly meeting the rest of the band. It didn’t matter how many times Xane told her it’d be all right, she couldn’t entirely quell her butterflies. Black Halo were massive, and she’d been a fan of theirs for eternity. She still regularly pinched herself to check her relationship with Xane was real. Also, she wasn’t sure how much they blamed her for Xane skipping out on them after their last live performance. They might consider her major trouble.

‘First tour with the band?’

She nodded.

‘Mine too. I guess we’ll be seeing a fair bit of one another.’ He pushed back his curtain of long hair, revealing a pair of intriguing mismatched irises, one pale-green and one hazel. Both shone with excitement. ‘I’m Luthor.’

‘Pleased to meet you.’

He gave her an endearing lopsided grin. ‘You’re not what I was expecting.’

‘Meaning?’ she asked, fearing the worst. People didn’t seem to like that she and Xane were together. She still wondered at the miracle of it herself. It didn’t seem to matter how often Xane said he loved her, part of her still expected him to wake one morning and wonder what the fuck he was doing with her – a screwed-up nobody, not especially pretty or clever, and with welts across her soul and body that might never heal.

For the most part, she didn’t even dress like a rock star’s girlfriend. She currently had on a pair of old jeans, a faded long-sleeved T-shirt and only a smidge of make-up.

Luthor shook his head, reinstating the curtain of hair over his eyes. ‘I only meant that I didn’t know he had a steady girlfriend.’

‘Where’ve you been living, Mars?’ She’d have bet money on the whole world having seen that video.

‘Malmö.’

Dani paused a moment to interpret the unfamiliar place-name. ‘Malmö, where is that?’

‘Sweden.’

‘You’re not English?’

He dropped her suitcase in order to release a bellyful of laughter. ‘You needn’t sound so surprised. Not everyone in the world is.’

‘I know, but you don’t have an accent.’

He leaned closer, so his breath stirred the wisps of hair around her face, making them tickle her cheek. ‘Does it make you feel better if I talk like this?’ She could hear it then, the soft inflection on certain words. It sent a tingle down her spine. Damn, he sounded sexy. She could imagine that purr driving a woman wild in bed.

Dani turned away from him, mortified by the heat that a few incongruous words whispered in her ear had generated. She wasn’t a free agent any more to be thinking random wicked thoughts about handsome strange men. She belonged to the sexiest man on the planet. Besides, Xane could do incredible stuff with his voice. He commanded the attention of stadiums full of people. His whispers invoked wild emotions. They could turn hearts inside out and even the tiniest of his growls dampened her and a million other women’s knickers.

She was moist now, merely thinking about him, which just proved that two weeks apart had been too long. They’d been surviving on nightly phone calls and sexting, which didn’t compensate for genuinely being together.

She hadn’t wanted them to be apart, but she’d had to face her mum and put a few things, like her degree, on hold. Taking charge of her life meant cutting a few tethers. On the plus side, she wasn’t beholden to anyone any longer.

‘Aren’t we heading to the dressing rooms?’ she asked, when Luthor turned the opposite way to the one she’d expected.

‘No. The sound booth.’

‘How come?’ Perplexed, she continued to jog along behind, her eye on the way his shorts were clinging to his hips, in danger of sliding down because of the weight of stuff in his pockets.

‘Because Ulf said so, and I do as he says. He’s the guy who hired me. Best damn sound and light engineer in the business.’

She’d never heard of him.

‘He also just happens to be my uncle.’ Luthor held open a door for her to pass through, and they began to climb, up towards the top of the building. ‘My guess is that he wants you out of the way until the soundcheck is done, so that Xane isn’t distracted.’

‘I wouldn’t distract him.’

‘Course not.’ Luthor made an appraising sweep of her body. ‘I bet Xane maintains complete focus when you’re present, just not on the music.’ His gaze lingered on her cleavage.

Dani covered her mouth and coughed, astonished by how blatantly he’d assessed her. Guys didn’t normally hit on her. This was a new thing that had only started happening since Xane took an interest. She guessed they all thought she must have something special hiding beneath her ordinary appearance to have ensnared a man with such a huge sexual appetite, or maybe they thought stealing her away would prove they were shit-hot too.

No man had a chance against Xane.

In retaliation, she shot a glance at Luthor. He had gloriously good arms, and legs that were tanned by the sun and covered with fine golden hairs. Crazy good looks too, if you liked guys who were all light and golden. She guessed she preferred them dark and brooding.

Luthor was fit, but he wasn’t a patch on her man.

‘Where’ve you been?’ grumbled an older man, his long hair and beard threaded with silver, as they entered a glass-fronted room overlooking the stage. They were perched high up in the auditorium, almost on a level with the lighting rig. ‘You walked off with my duct tape. Gimme.’ He snatched the roll of tape that Luthor mined from his pocket and began tearing off strips and fixing assorted cables to the floor. After a moment or two, he turned his webbed face upon her. ‘So you’re the one he ran off with, are you?’

‘Be nice,’ Luthor counselled. ‘She is.’

‘Really? Didn’t think Xane did nice. He normally lands the absolute bitches.’ He thoughtfully rubbed one nicotine-stained finger across his lips before stepping closer, which meant he had to bend his head to look at her, for he was tall, even taller than Luthor, and stocky too, with tattoos that covered his bare arms like sleeves. ‘Are you sure this is the right girl?’

‘I am, yes.’ Dani politely stuck out a hand for him to shake.

Ulf clapped his hand against hers but didn’t shake it. ‘Take a seat. I’ll let you at him once I’m done with him.’

A swivel chair materialised behind her, courtesy of Luthor. Dani gingerly lowered herself into it. She’d got it into her head that the only people she’d have to face in order to join the tour were the members of Black Halo. Somehow she’d overlooked the fact that there was a team of people involved in managing them and delivering their sound to the masses. ‘What are you doing to him?’ Nothing too terrible, she hoped. He’d sounded pretty low when they’d spoken last night. Leastways, he had at the start of their conversation. Not so much by the end, after he’d made her burn with excitement.

‘Hopefully dragging his sorry arse through this set.’ Ulf put on a pair of headphones and turned a nearby microphone towards him. ‘Are you fuckers ready yet?’

She couldn’t hear the response, but Ulf scowled. ‘Nope, we’re apparently having a pissing contest.’ He settled back in his chair with his arms and ankles crossed. ‘This could take a while.’ He checked his watch. ‘You might have to call your lot,’ he said to Luthor after a minute or so of waiting.

His understudy, who had been securing leads to the floor so no one would trip over them, looked up eagerly.

‘You’re shite, but at least you might manage a song or two for the punters. I’m not sure Black Halo are going to have their act together in time.’ Ulf said the last part into the mic.

‘Are they arguing?’ Dani leaned forward in her seat, concerned. If she rose and pressed her face to the glass at the front of the booth, would she be able to see down into the auditorium?

‘Not as such. Mr Geist hasn’t joined us yet. They’ve sent Rock Giant to coax him out from whatever hole he’s wedged himself into.’

‘Ulf!’ Luthor shook his head and nodded towards Dani. ‘Girlfriend, remember.’

‘I didn’t mean that sort of hole. I’m not the one with a filthy mind.’ Clearly bored, Ulf flicked a few switches and checked a few things before settling back into his original pose.

‘So, you’re in a band?’ Dani asked Luthor, disliking the silence that’d crept over them. She felt out of place already, which made her jittery enough, without the added insinuation that Xane was late for the soundcheck because he was making some groupie happy. ‘Is it one of the support acts?’

‘That’s a good un.’ Ulf belched a peal of laughter. He slapped the sound deck, unintentionally knocking several of the sliders, which he then had to reset. ‘What I said earlier was a joke. Perish the thought of his lot walking on stage. It’d be like Eurovision, only a zillion times more excruciating and minus any of the charm.’

Luthor put his head down and kept on at his task, but she could see from the tension in his back that he was hurt by the remark.

‘What are you called?’ she asked, hoping her interest would restore his easy smile.

‘It doesn’t matter. You won’t have heard of us. We’re pretty unknown outside Sweden.’

‘They’re unknown inside Sweden,’ Ulf added, shaking his head. ‘This is why he’s better off here earning some cash and seeing how the pros do it, instead of wasting his time touring a load of fleapits.’

‘It was a good set of venues we had booked.’

‘Dives. You’re too good for them, son. Your lyricist writes dire teenaged drivel. He has no concept of what real agony feels like.’

‘Actually, Lykke’s started writing most of the lyrics now.’

‘Aren’t you being a little harsh?’ Dani remarked, annoyed to see Luthor gritting his teeth. He hung his head forward, so that his long hair masked his expression.

‘Sometimes the truth is harsh,’ Ulf insisted. ‘It hurts to hear it, but we all need someone to be brave enough to tell us when we sound shit. You’ve talent enough to make it big, but not with that outfit. This Fear or whatever it is you’re called.’

‘Denna Rädsla,’ Luthor corrected him.

‘That’s what I said.’

They stared grimly at one another. ‘So, when are you going to tell your precious darlings that they sound shit?’ Luthor asked. ‘Or aren’t you man enough for that?’ He rose to his feet.

‘When it’s the right moment. Which it isn’t yet.’

‘What?’ Dani jumped out of her chair. Her gaze danced expectantly between the two men, seeking clarification. ‘Do you mean Black Halo? They’re not awful.’ A horrid thought struck her. ‘Is something wrong with Xane’s voice? He’s not ill, is he?’ Maybe that’s why they were keeping her away from him.

Ulf sucked his front teeth. ‘He’s fine, or as fine as you’d expect given that the man he was screwing has just died.’

‘I know that, but something prompted that remark.’ She looked to Luthor for an answer, since it had been his comment. She was terrified by the thought that Black Halo might be about to split again.

Luthor flicked a glance at Ulf, who showed no sign of explaining further. ‘They need a live drummer. Using old recordings of Steve Matlock playing doesn’t work. It sounds shit.’

‘But Steve … this is about honouring and remembering him. How can they replace him?’ Not taking on a new drummer was the one thing Xane had said they’d all agreed on.

‘They might not want to, but they need to. Otherwise, they’re going to get the worst slating of their careers from the fans and music press.’

Ulf shook his head. ‘It won’t come to that. Xane will realise it himself as soon as the soundcheck starts. They all will.’

‘But doesn’t the actual gig start in just over two hours?’ Dani shot them both a look of disbelief. Even if, as Ulf claimed, the band realised their mistake, where were they supposed to produce a drummer from at such short notice? Then she looked at Luthor again and everything dropped into place. Ulf hadn’t employed him to crew for the band, he meant him to drum for them. ‘Wow!’ She sank back into her seat. She ought to have twigged that sooner. He had drummer’s arms, after all, though his haircut was more emo than most of the lead guitarists out there. ‘So you’re going to step in and save the day?’

‘Not exactly. I’ll offer my services, yes.’

‘You know that Xane and Steve were really close?’ Far closer than she liked to admit. She’d watched Xane during one outpouring of grief cover the walls of a hotel room in lyrics about the guy. She knew they’d been lovers – a fact that inspired nightmarish fears. Xane was completely at ease with his sexuality, but she was only gradually coming to terms with it. There was a lot of baggage in her past she needed to work through. ‘Actually, I don’t know that Xane’s ready to take on someone new.’ She could only guess about the rest of the band, but presumably Elspeth would throw up objections too.

‘And that is exactly why I haven’t said anything yet.’ Ulf raised his bushy brows and gave her a tight-lipped smile. ‘Give it half an hour. I guarantee, they’ll be begging me to find them a drummer, and, because I’m prepared, I have one all lined up.’

Chapter 3

The sound of Spook’s rhythm parts being played repetitiously greeted Xane as he and Rock Giant entered the auditorium. It served to drag his attention away from the band’s relationship politics and back to where he needed it to be, on the music. They could deal with the travel arrangements later. First they had a soundcheck and the gig to get through, and even though he’d done it a thousand times before, there was still a flutter of self-doubt in his stomach when he first walked onto the stage.

The rest of the band were already positioned on their X-marked spots. Ash joined the sound of his lead guitar to Spook’s as Xane headed to his mic. They were running through the lead and rhythm parts of their newest addition to the set, ‘Taken’, one of the songs Xane had written about Steve. Tonight would be their first live performance of the track, and the plan was to record it, so they needed to nail it or risk delaying the release until they could arrange another live recording or book some studio time.

Having exchanged nods with both guitarists and already bashed heads with bassist Rock Giant, Xane turned his attention to Elspeth. Their relationship remained particularly fraught. Throughout the tour planning, they’d exchanged only basic civilities. However, mindful of Rock Giant’s warning shots in the corridor, Xane battened down his feelings and offered her something like a friendly smile. If this was the price of buying Dani’s place on the tour bus, without a load of aggro, then he guessed he’d do it. ‘How are you doing?’

Seriously not well, if her appearance was anything to go on. Elspeth had always cultivated a wan, faded beauty, but she looked like a glass about to shatter. The change to her hair, while dramatic, certainly hadn’t helped, for it drained her of what little colour she did possess. Once blonde, after the funeral she’d dyed her hair black, complete with a Lily Munster white streak.

Instead of responding to Xane’s gesture, her gaze remained fixed upon the empty space where Steve ought to have been. His drumkit was all set up, but they’d be relying on old recordings rather than a live drummer to make up for his absence. At least, that was supposed to be the plan.

‘What the fuck?’ he growled, noticing the guy behind the drumkit looking perky and ready for action. The nearby microphone unfortunately picked up his voice and amplified it to an ear-splitting level. It got everyone’s attention.

Ash’s footsteps sounded like a stampede as he moved to intercept Xane before he dragged the guy out from behind the drums.

‘Xane. Can we talk?’ Ash wrapped himself like a straitjacket around Xane’s torso.

‘In a minute, when he’s got the fuck away from Steve’s drums.’

‘Now,’ Ash insisted, manhandling him sideways into the wings, away from the microphones. ‘There’s no point in getting all Robocop on his arse, when I’m the one responsible. Yell at me about it.’

‘Get the fuck off me.’ Xane shook off Ash’s hold. ‘What the hell are you playing at? Who is he? Why is he here?’

‘I’m making sure we don’t sound like shit. It’s a lovely idea, Xane, us all pretending Steve’s still here, but you know what? He isn’t, and the backing track seriously doesn’t cut it. We’ll be laughed off if we use it.’

‘If that were the case, Ulf would have said so.’ Their chief sound technician was a straight-talking, gruff old bastard who’d worked with them on their last four tours, and was responsible for such gems of wisdom as ‘You’ll be cutting off your collective bollocks if you sing that soppy crap.’ He never minced words.

‘The crew haven’t said anything because they’re all scared they’re going to end up out of work. When you broke us up a few weeks back, they’re the ones it hit hardest. We all might have money enough to pay the bills, but most of the crew are living from paycheck to paycheck.’

‘That still doesn’t give you the right to employ a drummer. We’re a band. It should have gone to a vote.’

‘True,’ Ash admitted. He released his hold on Xane and pushed his hands into his pockets. ‘But everyone’s so stressed out, I thought I’d cut the preamble. It’s not as if there’s an actual discussion to have. Give it one song and you’ll be agreeing with me. The balance is wrong without live drums, and no, the sound guys can’t fix it, because if they amplify it, the track just ends up drowning out everything else. Xane, those recordings were never intended for this sort of thing. Please. I know why we said we didn’t want to employ anyone, but we have to.’

Xane willed his fists to unclench. He wasn’t so big a dick that he couldn’t comprehend what Ash was saying, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. Even contemplating slotting someone into Steve’s place felt sacrilegious. The truth was, he wanted to see this new drummer off with a sledgehammer, but he also knew he’d ultimately go with what was right for the band.

He folded his arms across his stomach, suddenly overwhelmed by a wave of nausea. Steve’s loss remained an open wound. They might have buried him, but he didn’t know if he’d ever truly manage to lay him to rest.