Blessed Vows

Sometimes it hurt to remember, but it hurt even more to forget. And so she remembered. “When Dad would come home with packed meals from the diner because he knew Mom would have been so caught up she’d have forgotten the time. The whole house would smell like the strawberry jelly simmering on the stove, or the bushels of fresh peaches we’d have spent all day sitting around the table slicing.”

“Ben said you lost your folks when you were young.”

“It was like the sun going out one day.” And that was the part of remembering that hurt most, like a spear through the heart. “But Paige was just sixteen then and she took care of us.”

“You were alone?”

“We didn’t want to be split up, and no one could take on the four of us.” Well, the spear remained lodged in her heart and the past was just going to keep hurting if she kept talking about it. She turned her attention—and the conversation—to the freezer. “You wouldn’t want to reach down with those long arms of yours and dig around for a roast, would you?”

“A roast. Why, ma’am, I’d do nearly anything for a good roast. We don’t get those much in the deserts where I’ve been spending my time.” He leaned down as if to thrust his arm deep into the frosty mists, but stopped in mid-plunge. “I can’t believe this. You have my absolute favorite fish sticks. I mean, these are the best.”

“I love those, too. They’re the best with the tartar we make at the diner. I’ve got a jar—”

“Forget the roast. Let’s whip up a cookie sheet of these, bake up some Tater Tots and I’ll be happy as a— Oh boy, you’ve got real apple pie in here.”

“Homemade. If you want—”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.” He loaded up with the pie and the fish sticks before closing the lid. “You really don’t mind?”

“Are you kidding? I’ve been on my feet all day. Tell you what, how long are you staying in town tomorrow?”

“Uh… Don’t know. We’re on a standby flight back to LA. I’ve got the last of the estate stuff to settle, it’s a long process.” The look on his face, one of grief, one of bewilderment kept her from turning off the light.

Estate stuff? Rachel’s stomach twisted. Before she could ask, Jake reached up and snapped off the light, leaving them in shadows. “Sally’s mom died—my sister. Hit by a bus on the way to work one morning.”

No. That poor little girl. Rachel’s heart wrung in sympathy. She knew just what that felt like for a child to lose a mother. “And her father?”

“Nonexistent. Ran off long ago and never wanted to be responsible. No one can even find him now. That’s why I have her.” He took off abruptly, speaking over his shoulder, sounding normal but his movements looked jerky and tense in the half-light drifting down the staircase. “That’s why she’s with me. If I hadn’t taken her when I arrived home, then she would have had to stay in foster care while I came here. And she asked me not to leave her. So I didn’t.”

“I’m glad you brought her.” Well, that was about the saddest thing she’d heard in a long time. “How long was she alone while you were in the desert?”

“Nearly seven weeks. That’s a long time.”

“Too long.” Rachel’s quiet agreement said everything.

I wish I could have gotten to her sooner. There was no getting around that fact. Or the logistical problems of hunting him down in the middle of a covert deployment and getting him back to the States again.

Jake felt the weight of impossible guilt, dragging him downward. He’d done all he could, but it didn’t change the fact that Sally had been left alone to grieve in a stranger’s home, under a stranger’s care, and she wasn’t the same little girl he remembered. It was as if something essentially her had died too, of sorrow. How was he going to fix it for her? He didn’t have a single answer.

Maybe the Lord would give him one, since he was all out of ideas. All out of everything.

“I’ll do what I can to make sure she has some fun,” Rachel said.

So much understanding lit her voice, and it struck Jake like a bullet to the heart. He hadn’t registered his worries about bringing Sally—about everything. He didn’t want to go there. He would handle it, things would work out. He was Special Forces trained to assess, adapt and overcome. He’d succeeded at every training exercise, every task and every mission. But a child was not a mission.

He headed up the stairs, box in hand, not sure if he could look Rachel in the eye. “I figured that since Ben had a nephew about Sally’s age, she might not be too out of place.”

“Oh, of course not. I happen to be in charge of the kids’ activities. You know, receptions are so boring for the little people. All that sitting still and vows and kisses and then the manners at the sit-down meal. So we’re going to have our own party outside. I’ll take good care of Sally for you. I’m sure you and Ben will want to hang out for a while at the reception.”

Jake nearly missed the last step up. “I hadn’t thought about pawning her off on anyone. That wasn’t what I meant—”

“I know. But I was simply informing you of our plans. If you want her to be with the other kids, we’re going to have a lot of fun.” Rachel shut the door and followed him to the counter where he’d dropped off the fish box. “We’ll have games and races and our own cake. We’re having hot dogs and burgers. It’s going to be such a blast, I can’t wait.”

Ben was right. His sister Rachel was the nicest person ever. And she didn’t seem to know it, didn’t seem aware that she was as incredibly beautiful on the outside as she was on the inside. Her loveliness shone outward like sunlight through clouds, and it dazzled.

He had to turn away, blinking hard, affected and he didn’t know why. He was used to keeping his feelings under lock and key. Why his emotions were staging a breakout, he didn’t know, but he didn’t like it. Not one bit.

Rachel clicked on the oven and there was a clatter as she dug a cookie sheet out of the bottom cabinets. Her “Oops!” was good-natured as she put away the other racks and cookie sheets that had tumbled out with the first one.

She had a patience about her, an inner harmony that he admired. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to see that she was probably great with kids. “I’m sure Sally would like to hang out with you tomorrow. Thanks.”

“Not a problem.” She rose, a petite willow of a woman who moved like poetry, like grace, like all that was good in the world.

It was nice, it was normal. He wasn’t used to nice and normal, he’d been away from a normal life for so long, he didn’t feel as if he quite fit anymore. It was heartening to see, it gave a man pause, to watch a woman in a kitchen preparing supper and to know all was safe here, all was right in this tiny piece of the world.

Maybe he could lay down his responsibilities, the constant on-guard duty he carried, and rest for a short while. He hadn’t realized how tired he was, but it washed over him like a warm rain.

“Jake, I’ll whip you up some homemade fries,” she said as she hauled real potatoes out of the pantry. “It’ll only take a second. Sally is welcome to have her soda in the living room. Why don’t I take that in to her before I start getting busy in here?”

His throat closed entirely. Unable to know what emotions were whirling around free inside him, and just as unable to speak, he held up his hand, stopping her with what he hoped wasn’t too harsh a gesture and grabbed Sally’s cup and his soda can.

He walked out of the kitchen and didn’t look back, but he swore he left a part of himself standing there, awed by the woman and her kindness.

Chapter Four

It always made Rachel happy to be in the kitchen. With the hum of the TV drifting in through the dining room, she popped the tray of fish sticks and Tater Tots into the oven and plunked the small hill of hand-cut potatoes into the deep-fryer. Cooking was comforting, maybe because she associated it with her mom and dad.

Few things in a day made her happier than having someone to cook for, even temporarily. The fatigue that had built on her in layers throughout the day began to fade. As she set the timer, a new burst of energy lifted her up. The fryer’s oil sizzled and snapped and the sound was a friendly accompaniment while she dug through the shelving inside the refrigerator’s door and picked out the appropriate condiments.

After loading up a tray with napkins and flatware, she set out for the living room. The rise and fall of voices from the television grew louder, drawing her closer. On the couch in front of the colorful screen and washed in the glowing light, the big man and little girl sat side by side, intent on the old family movie.

Wow. It was awesome Sally had an uncle like Jake who would take her in without question. Otherwise, she’d hate to think of what the child might face. She’d been exposed to that fear as a kid. But probably Sally had it worse losing her home and having to move across the country to the house where Jake was stationed. While Sally battled her grief over her mom, at least she had Jake to love and protect her, to keep her safe from this world that often did not think of children.

Rachel set the tray in the center of the coffee table, leaning just right so she wouldn’t block their view of the tube.

Jake stirred from his TV watching. “I ought to get off my duff and help you.”

“There’s nothing left to do.”

Heaven save me from this man. It would be nothing at all to simply fall fast and hard in love with him. Well, not real love, that was something that deepened forever between a man and woman, but the initial tumble, that wouldn’t take too much if she kept seeing more of his good heart.

Nope, she needed to handle things from here by herself. It was a matter of self-preservation. “You stay right there with Sally. She needs your company. I’ll be back with supper.”

“You eat in here?”

“Why not? It’s Friday. It’s the tradition in this house.”

As she turned her back on the cheerful movie flashing across the screen, it was the past and its cherished memories that came with her. This was why she loved living in this house so much. The four of them together as kids, crowded onto the two couches that used to be in this room, pushing and shoving and laughing in good humor so that it was hard to listen to the movie.

Dad would be manning the grill outside if it was summer, and he’d pop his head through the slider door and shout at them to stop hitting one another. As she set up the TV trays, Mom would be laughing, reminding him that he was the one who wanted four kids, remember?

As often as not, one of them would jump off the couches to help her. Soon their favorite meal of cheese-burgers and Tater Tots would be served up on the trays, they’d all be eating and watching the TV. All through the show, Dad would make funny comments meant to make them all howl with laughter.

Yeah, she thought as she whipped the fries from the hot grease, this was the reason she hadn’t settled down yet. Because she hadn’t settled. How could she want anything less than the family life she’d had growing up? One day, the good Lord willing, she would know that brand of happiness again.

Until then, it was nice to dish up plates with everything just right for her guests. Tater Tots done just right—crispy on the outside and warm and chewy on the inside. Fresh fries still steaming, both heaped on half of the good stoneware she’d gotten for Christmas from her sisters, and plenty of golden crispy fish sticks. Small bowls of coleslaw, made fresh at the diner that morning, added the required vegetables to the meal.

The loaded tray made hardly a clatter as she carried it through the dark dining room and into the living room where the bold animation on the screen flashed enough color to light her way. Careful not to disturb the movie-viewing, she handed off Sally’s plate, setting it right in front of her on the coffee table and adding the little bowl of coleslaw. She meant to circle around and slip Jake’s plate onto the other side, but he held out his hand. “If that tastes as good as it smells, I’m gonna be the most grateful man in Montana.”

“You really must be hungry. To be the most grateful man over a pile of fish sticks.” She avoided his fingers as she gave him his plate heaped with steaming-hot food and then slid the bowl of slaw onto the coffee table before he could reach.

“Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had a home-cooked meal?”

“This isn’t home cooked. It’s straight from the freezer.” It was funny he thought so, though.

“These fries look homemade.”

“They are, but, well, the rest used to be frozen. But, hey, as long as you’re happy.”

“Happy? I’ve spent the last two years nearly straight in the desert. Eating MREs and mess-tent food, and let me tell you, this is the best. Just the best.” He sounded as if she’d set an expensive, four-star meal in front of him.

“I’m glad you think so.” That was what mattered. If Ben’s best buddy was happy, then she was, too. “If your flight doesn’t work out, I’ll make you that roast dinner tomorrow.”

“Deal. You want to say grace?”

“You’re the guest.” She unloaded her plate onto the corner of the coffee table and set the tray out of the way. “Please, you go right ahead.” She was pretty interested in what he’d say. A tough guy, just like her brother, would probably be to the point. Her brother’s favorite prayer, she guessed: “Good food, good God. Amen.”

Jake’s head bowed and his big hands steepled. Definitely not what she expected, but she liked what she saw—the sincere tilt of his profile as his eyes drifted shut.

“Dear Heavenly Father, “he began in his steady baritone. “Thank you for the blessings we find at the end of this day. That Sally and I are together. We have had a safe journey from California and a peaceful solution to Bullwinkle’s attack. And most of all, thank you, Lord, for bringing us a new friend in Rachel, and I’m especially grateful for the fish sticks.”

His genuineness sounded somehow richer when mixed with his gentle humor, and as Rachel sat with her head bowed, she sneaked a glance at Jake through her eyelashes. He looked totally at ease and comfortable in prayer, and it was clear he had a solid relationship with the Lord.

If he hadn’t been sitting next to her on the couch, all one-hundred-percent flesh-and-blood man, she would have figured him to be a daydream she’d woven of the perfect guy. A courageous warrior who served his country. An honest man of strong faith. Kind to children. Funny and handsome and…

Whoa, there, Rache. He’s just visiting. As she managed to get out an “Amen” without sounding too distracted, she opened her eyes all the way, unfolded her hands and tried to remind herself that Jake wasn’t looking for romance. He was leaving for good after the wedding and she’d never see him again.

Too bad. It was hard not to feel disappointment or a little bit wistful as Jake helped himself to generous spoonfuls of their secret-family-recipe tartar sauce, dragged four fries through it, and took a bite. He moaned even before he started chewing.

“I should have added the tartar to the list of blessings,” he quipped, looking about as handsome as any man could with those dimples carved into his lean, sun-browned cheeks.

Her heart gave a little tumble. Of admiration, she firmly told herself, and not of interest. She fastened her gaze firmly on the TV screen and did her best not to look at Jake and his dimples.

Impossible. He leaned close so that their shoulders were almost touching. Only a scant hairbreadth of air stood between the curve of her shoulder and the hard line of his arm. “The tartar’s even better on the fish sticks. I owe you, Rachel.”

“Well, I didn’t plan on charging for the meal,” she joked.

And brought out the warm rumbling chuckle. “I’m doing the dishes and I don’t want a single argument from you. Got that, ma’am?”

“Sorry. You’re outranked.”

“How can you outrank me? You’re not a commanding officer. You’re not even in the armed services.”

“But I have the power to take away the tartar sauce.” How she could banter so easily with this man, she didn’t know.

She only knew that her chest and heart felt warm when Jake gave her a smile with those full-wattage dimples and leaned close to her ear, so close, his breath tickled hot against the curve of her ear. “Go ahead and try.”

“Okay. I will. You watch out, soldier boy.” She dunked a Tater Tot into the pile of tartar on her plate, surprised how she didn’t feel shy at all. It was as if she’d been bantering with this man all of her life.

The brilliance of the September sunset came like peace to the evening. Rachel paused at the sliding door just to take in the awe of magenta streaks painting the sky and bold purple splashes staining the underbellies of the clouds. The colors glowed so brightly in the off-blue sky that the shadows streaking across the back lawn from the tall stand of trees at the property line were amethyst and an incredible rose light graced them.

Why this evening’s sunset seemed particularly glorious, she couldn’t rightly say. Especially when she’d been so beat after a long rough workweek and those last-minute, nerve-racking wedding preparations. Maybe it was the fish sticks and Tater Tots, which were one of those childhood favorites Mom used to make for them when Dad was working late at the diner. Good memories from her childhood always heartened her.

But having Jake and Sally here in this house had lifted her up, too. Having a child in this house, watching an animated movie and now swinging on the swing set in the big backyard stirred a longing inside her. Cooking for a man and child, even people she would never see again after tomorrow, made her wish for her own husband and child.

Maybe it was that over-thirty thing—the biological clock everyone talked about—but watching Jake give Sally a hard push on the swing, sending the girl soaring up high, made her realize how lonely her life was.

Sure, she had a great family, she had a great job and she loved this life God had given her, but her heart was lonely for a man, someone strong and kind and good like Jake, and a little child to love and care for.

She knew if Jake and Sally hadn’t come tonight, the sounds of laughter wouldn’t be shimmering like the rosy light in the air. She would have come home, collapsed in front of the TV and eaten leftovers from the diner, then she would have done a few loads of laundry, caught up on the housework and probably started watering the yard. All the while the big house would have been echoing around her with the memories of family happiness in the past and none for the future.

She was beginning to think the Lord had forgotten about her deepest, most precious prayers. Or maybe He meant for her always to be alone. She hadn’t minded it so much because she’d been so busy helping her sister Amy take care of her son Westin; having a nephew to dote on had filled her heart and her life enough that she didn’t hurt for her own family so much.

And now, Amy had gone and gotten married, which was a great blessing to their family. She’d found a good man who cherished her and Westin, and was always eager to help with anything the family needed. Amy’s new husband Heath spent a lot of time with Westin, and while Rachel was utterly thankful for that, she didn’t see Westin as much.

Why tonight the loneliness felt so keen, like the crisp edge of light too brilliant to look at, she didn’t know. Only she had tears burning behind her eyes and a pain like a blade slicing her heart, and there was no reason for it. Not when she had so much already in her life.

Jake gave Sally another push and paused to watch his niece shrieking with delight as she swept up toward the sky. “Rachel McKaslin. Have I told you why you’re my most favorite person?”

“It wouldn’t be because I’m holding grape Popsicles, would it?”

“Pretty much. You just know where to hit a guy.”

“Oh, you’re wrong there. I never hit. So, are you telling me that there’s truth to the old saying? The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach?”

“I don’t know about the heart, but a grape Popsicle will put you at the top of my list.” He stepped back in time with Sally’s swing as she zoomed backward between them.

There was something awesome about a big tough man being tender with a child. Rachel waited tongue-tied as he gave Sally a big push.

The little girl squealed with joy. “Are those grape?” she shouted as she swept backward between them.

Rachel managed to nod, and the fact that she couldn’t seem to speak didn’t matter as Sally dug the heels of her little sandals into the grass to slow the swing.

“Is that for me?”

“Yep. I hope you like grape.”

“It’s only like my very most favorite!”

Rachel’s heart melted at the sight of the little girl, an orphan and grieving the loss of her parent. Finding the Popsicles in the crowded freezer had seemed like a small thing at the time, and yet Rachel could see God working in her life as clearly as the tentative grin on the little girl’s sweet face. “Grape is my favorite, too. Here you go. Be careful, because it’s already melting.”

Sally took the plastic bowl eagerly with one hand and grabbed hold of the wooden stick handles with the other. She’d been such a quiet little girl until now, more of a shadow than a child, and it was good to see the hint of the child Sally must have been before her mother’s death.

And because she knew exactly how that felt, she added a silent prayer. Dear Father, I know that you’re watching over her. Please keep watching over her.

When she opened her eyes, she realized Jake had stepped away from the swing and was sitting on the closest picnic table bench, watching her with serious eyes.

It was as if in that brief moment he could see right through her to the places that mattered and held the greatest truths. Her heart skipped a beat and her soul brightened the way sunshine brightens the day after passing clouds.

In that moment it was as if the earth stilled and time halted and she saw the man he was; she saw beyond the warrior and her brother’s friend and Sally’s uncle. Jake was no longer a stranger. She couldn’t say exactly why; it was only something she could feel. Like faith. Or like hope.

She could sense the heart of the man, his integrity and character and strength. And his goodness.

He folded his strong arms over his broad chest. “Come join me.”

That sounded like the best idea ever. Her feet were moving her forward before she made the conscious decision. “Sally seems to be having a good time. I’m glad you brought her.”

He took the bowl she offered him. “Being here seems to have done her a world of good. I haven’t seen her smile since I came to pick her up. Now I owe you.”

“For what?” She eased onto the far end of the bench. “I didn’t do anything. Just made supper and apple pie and now I handed her a Popsicle.”

“Ben told me you were humble, too. Not just nice and sweet and funny—”

“My brother is biased, plus he spends most of his time far away from here. You know that. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and dulls the memory of a person’s faults.”

“Sure, okay. I don’t buy that.” He bit off the end of his Popsicle. “You are funny.”

“Me? I haven’t said anything funny since you got here. I wish I were funny. You know, like a comedian.”

“Well, you are the only woman I know who wears big pink rabbits on her feet.”

“What?” She stared at her slippers. She was still wearing them? “I’d forgotten all about them.”

“And you’re nice. You could have let your pet moose attack me and Sal.”

“It was tempting.” She slurped the melting goodness off the top of her grape pop. “Like I said, I owed you for saving Ben when he was hurt.”

“He seems to be doing better. They say he’ll be back on base after his honeymoon.”

“He’s pretty psyched about being able to return to active duty.”

“We’re pretty psyched he’s coming back. He might get back to work before I do.” Jake nodded to where Sally sat twirling in the swing while licking the dripping goodness of the iced treat. There was a whole lot he didn’t know how to say. His job wasn’t just any job. He was a para-rescueman; he put his life on the line so that others might live. And he couldn’t do that living near the base and being home every night to take care of Sally.