Once Bitten Twice Shy

August’s heart skipped a beat, but she tried her best to keep her voice light. ‘What is?’

‘That he’s talked my ear off about you. August is an artist…August does the most amazing canvases…August seems to like lilacs.’

August laughed and picked out a packet of mini cards. She’d been considering doing a line of gift tags. Charging two bucks a pop for something that took her about ten minutes to create was a good thing, she thought. A low-priced item that people would gravitate to when trying out a new online shop, and a reasonable payoff.

‘I do like lilacs,’ she said, softly. And I like your brother… But she left that part unsaid.

‘August is coming with me to Alice’s show on Monday. But just as friends!’ Kelly mimicked, throwing her hands up as if to ward off argument. August assumed she was imitating Jack.

‘Yes,’ August said. ‘Just as friends.’

Kelly pressed her lips together and looked as if considering her words. Finally, she said, very softly, ‘You know you’d put him over the moon if it weren’t just as friends.’

August felt her guard go up. It was an involuntary reaction like sneezing, and she regretted that’s how she was wired when Kelly’s happy expression dimmed. ‘I’m sorry. I’m not…dating at the moment,’ she said. She focused on the paper again.

‘Oh, sure. Sure,’ Kelly said, hurriedly. ‘I get it. I wasn’t prying.’ She picked up the pale-pink paper again and turned it over. Then she grinned. ‘Well, yes, I was, but I wasn’t trying to be a pain in the ass. I was just…well, I just wanted you to know that my brother is an amazing man. A good man. He’s kind, he’s funny, he’s…well, not to sound gross, because he’s my brother and everything, but he isn’t hard to look at. And I guess I just wanted you to know that he thinks the world of you. Already. And that’s odd, because Jack usually wouldn’t run his mouth about someone he has no shot with. In fact, I can’t really remember him running his mouth like this about anyone.’

August bit her lip to bring her mind into focus. To distract the girl, she grabbed the paper and said, ‘You really like this pink, don’t you?’

Kelly laughed. ‘I guess. Why do you say that?’

‘It’s the second time you’ve picked it up and held it. What about some personalised stationery? On me. To make it up to you that I soaked you in apple cider. What theme would you like?’

‘Oh…’ Kelly pretended to think. ‘How about irises?’

August shook her head, smiling. ‘Something tells me I can handle that request.’

‘There you are!’ Jack said and they both jumped as if caught in the act. Of what? August wondered. Talking about him.

‘Here we are!’ Kelly said.

‘I have wood glue,’ Jack said, waving the bottle. ‘You two need more time?’

‘No,’ August said quickly, though it didn’t escape her that she’d really enjoyed her time with the Murphy siblings. It had completely rerouted her mind from the panic attack over her false Kendall sighting. ‘I have to be getting home. I have a lot of art to do and limited time to do it.’

Chapter 6

August made herself a cup of tea when she got home. She unpacked her market purchases and tried to still her mind and her heart. Both were racing.

The walk back to the car had been full of banter and fun and she’d truly felt an ache in her chest – the part of her that had once been truly alive, no doubt – when she’d said her goodbyes and driven off.

Now, in the safety of her own home, she faced a wall of canvases in various stages of completion and sighed. ‘I have to finish you. All,’ she told them. Her eyes were drawn, due to the emotional turmoil of the day, to the canvas depicting the fiery water that represented her loss of Aaron.

She remembered Jack’s fingers hovering close to the paint and then him reading her body language perfectly and stopping before he touched it. He was in tune, she thought. He was observant.

She changed her clothes, tied her hair up and rolled up her sleeves. Then she dipped her brush in a paint so deep purple it was nearly black, and went back to her iris. This one was in shades of deep purple, black and hints of grey and white. It was her favourite so far and she threw herself into giving it her full attention.

In the background Jack White sang of dead leaves on the dirty ground and she let her tea go cold as she worked. When the doorbell rang, the sky was a shade of purple found in her iris and she realised not just the tea was cold. The house was. At six the heat was set to automatically dip to 62 degrees unless she kicked it up. She usually remembered, but she’d been so lost in her art she’d forgotten.

‘Coming!’ August yelled. Then she pushed the button until the digital readout said override and turned the heat up to 69. Then she hurried to the door, frankly expecting a nosey and peppy Carley on the other side.

‘Oh!’ she said, softly, when she opened the door to Jack. Jack looking sheepish. Jack with his hands tucked deep into his pockets against the cold.

‘“Oh”? That’s bad. Sorry, I shouldn’t have come,’ he said. ‘Sorry.’ He turned on his heels as if to go and, without thinking, August reached out and snagged his jacket sleeve.

‘I’m sorry, Jack,’ she said. ‘I was expecting Carley. She’s the only person who stops by without letting me know. And it just threw me is all. I hope I wasn’t rude.’ August noted with satisfaction that her hands were steady and her breathing almost so.

He shook his head and smiled at her. The smile went right to that cold dead spot that seemed to live in the centre of her chest, and warmed it. ‘No. I was rude. I should never have stopped by without calling. You just seemed…on edge when we first ran into you. So I wanted to stop by and check the tree because frost is coming tonight. I figured while I was here I’d check on you.’ He nudged a chip in her concrete porch with the toe of his boot. ‘But mostly I wanted to check on you, so that was partially an excuse wrapped in a lie.’

I just wanted you to know that my brother is an amazing man. A good man. He’s kind, he’s funny…Kelly’s voice was suddenly in her head and she surprised herself again by tugging that jacket sleeve and saying, ‘Why don’t you come in? I have tea or coffee or hot chocolate. Something warm. It’s downright raw out there tonight.’

He shook his head. ‘I don’t want to intrude.’

‘What intrude? I was lost in painting. My house is freezing because I forgot to turn up the heat, and I need something hot anyway. Just as easy to make two as one.’

He looked uncertain. Like he’d inserted himself into her day and shouldn’t have. Truth be told, August thought, she might feel that way if it were anyone but Jack at the door. His excuse seemed plausible and just like him. She couldn’t begrudge someone kindness. She’d shut herself away from kindness for far too long. It was starting to dawn on her that she was punishing herself into a sad, tightly closed life. And that hurt.

It’s also not what Aaron would want for you…

That thought came as an utter shock and she tried not to let it show on her face. When he took a step inside, her body relaxed but her nervous energy skyrocketed. Mostly because she was just now realising how very much she’d wanted him to come in.

‘Come on. Let’s warm you up.’ She knew it was a double entendre in a way, and found that she didn’t care. ‘Coffee, tea or –’

‘Me?’ Jack piped in. He grinned and then his face went serious. ‘Sorry. Friends. I know. I get it.’

Her lack of laughter wasn’t because he’d upset her. It was because she realised she’d been about to jokingly answer, ‘Yes, please!’

‘I’ll just have whatever you’re having. Two of whatever’s on the menu.’

‘You know what?’ she said, feeling flustered as they walked into the kitchen. ‘I saw you got Chai today. How about a sorta vanilla Chai latte?’

‘Sorta?’ He was staring at a stool and August waved her hand at it.

‘Sit, sit. Yeah, sorta because I can’t really steam the milk, so vanilla, Chai tea and some warm milk. It’s really good.’

‘Sold.’

She chattered about his sister, her sense of humour, how bad she felt spilling on her, and the stationery she was going to make for Kelly by way of apology.

‘You don’t have to. She’s not a grudge keeper,’ he said. He was spinning her salt and pepper shakers on the countertop. It occurred to August he might be as nervous as she was.

‘I want to. I love doing personalised stuff. I love a good challenge.’ She set his mug in front of him and then took the seat next to his, holding her own mug for the warmth and comfort.

‘Tree looks good.’

‘It does,’ she agreed. ‘Think it’ll take?’

‘I do. They’re stronger than they look.’

She stared at him, thinking on some level he was referring to her. She cleared her throat. ‘Lots of things are stronger than we think they are.’

‘Look,’ Jack said, turning to face her fully. ‘Like I said, I don’t mean to intrude, or wig you out or anything. I get the feeling I’m stepping on your solitude. Invading your space. It wasn’t my intention. I was just worried, is all. When we bumped into you –’

‘Literally!’ she said, trying to bring some levity to the situation since he seemed genuinely distressed. ‘Or more like, me into you.’

‘I guess what I’m trying to say is, I was concerned. But like some idiot, I came rushing over here, uninvited, thinking – fuck, I don’t know. Thinking I was some white knight on a horse going to help out the damsel in distress. But you’re not a damsel and you’ve got your shit together and you sure as hell don’t need me to come in and rescue you from some imaginary dragon.’

‘Jack –’

‘I’ve known you three days.’ He sipped his Chai. ‘Three days and I just felt this restless urge to come over here and make sure you were OK, but the thing is, I think that was stupid because three days ago you didn’t know me and you were just fine. Anyone can see that.’

She stared at him, not knowing what to say. Not knowing how to respond to any of the things he’d said. Spot on, and yet so far from the truth. She often didn’t feel OK or together. She often felt like a hot mess, operating under the thin guise of being a competent human being. She’d let her guilt and her worry weigh her down and it was only now that it was beginning to dawn on her that that weight was starting to pull her under. To drown her. Her life was slipping past as she avoided experiences and people and kept herself tucked away, safe, busy but alone.

‘August?’ He cocked his head and she watched the concern bleed into curiosity.

‘Jack?’

‘Yeah?’

She shook her head. Then she pressed her hands to his stubbly cheeks and leaned forward and kissed him. He went rigid for a split second, and then his lips softened and met hers with as much urgency as she felt. When she moved closer, his lips parted and her tongue slipped along his. He cupped the back of her head, anchoring her, to earth it felt like, and kissed her more deeply.

August rose from her stool, pushing away the crazy rat-brain panic that told her to run, and took a step toward him. Jack tugged her into the V of his widespread legs and wrapped his arms around her. The kiss went on and on. The feel of his warm tongue against hers, his soft lips. It hit her like a strong cocktail, flooding her limbs with warmth.

August shut down the worry and pushed her fingers into his thick hair. She moved her body even closer, feeling the heat of his legs on either side of her hips. The strength of the arm wrapped around her. She broke the kiss, intent on saying something even though she didn’t know what. What came out of her mouth surprised her. Surprised Jack too, from the look in his dark eyes and the way his eyebrows rose.

‘Touch me, Jack,’ she said. No embarrassment. No apology. ‘Please…touch me.’

He studied her for a moment, weighing the words, reading her expression. His mouth descended on hers again and she reminded herself of the logical things Carley had said, the wonderful things his sister had said. Now that she’d made the decision to trust in those words, in him, she felt an urgency that she hadn’t felt in too long to recall.

His hands settled on her hips as his lips brushed softly down the slope of her neck. He scraped her collarbone with his teeth and she shivered, her nipples tightening inside her bra. The soft fabric against the sensitive skin was maddening.

He slid his fingers inside her waistband and stroked her skin until a rash of goosebumps sprang up along her hips. Then one hand was at the back of her head again, holding her close for the kiss, as the other slid down inside her trousers and breached her panties. His fingers parted her, found her clit, stroked.

August felt that heat already raging inside her increase. Her body quivered with a fine tremor as he continued to stroke, and her breath left her lungs when Jack changed his touch. He slipped a finger inside her, flexing it so that it stimulated every desperate nerve ending deep inside her that craved this intimacy.

‘Wet,’ he murmured, lips against hers. Then he added a second finger and began to slide them in and out. Her body was growing taut, the tremor turning into outright shaking.

But his arm was around her and he was holding her tight. She shut her eyes, met his kiss with a need she had long ago forgotten. His thumb found her clit even as his fingers continued to thrust and when he pressed his lips to her ear and said, ‘It’s OK, August. Just let go…,’ she did.

She let go and let the orgasm take her under. So intense for a bit of fumbling about, she thought wildly. But so nice, so perfectly, wonderfully, good to be touched by another person. To feel safe enough to let herself go completely.

All those thoughts swirled restlessly in her head even as her body did what it was designed to do. Flexing and gripping and riding the wave of euphoria that seemed to come from nowhere in its suddenness.

She stilled, his arm looped around her waist, and she said, ‘Wow.’

‘Wow,’ he said. Then he reared back and looked her in the eye. His eyes were an unpaintable colour, she thought. Nothing could capture the shade or the depth.

‘You OK? I know…a little,’ he said, suddenly unsure of himself, ‘about you. And…’ He shook his head, withdrawing his hand. ‘The time that’s passed for you.’

‘There’s more to that sad tale of woe than I even told you,’ she said, and laughed softly.

She didn’t feel embarrassed, she was surprised to note. She felt lighter. And calmer than she had in ages.

She finally stepped back from him, but kept her hand on his. The fire in her cheeks continued to blaze and she knew if she looked in the mirror there would be twin red spots, as big as blooming roses.

‘Then tell me,’ he said, seeming hopeful.

She picked up her cup and smiled. ‘OK. I’ll tell you some now. And some later. It’s too much to put out there at once. It exhausts me to think about it, let alone say it. You’re very good at this, you know,’ she said. ‘The listening thing.’

‘Hey, not all of us are Neanderthals.’

‘Anyway, I began to shut myself off after Aaron,’ she rushed on, afraid the spell of this moment in time would break and leave her once again building walls around herself.

‘Understandably.’

‘But,’ she said, levelling her gaze with his, ‘I embrace my damage, Jack. It’s my damage that makes me as strong as I am. I know I might not seem strong to you –’

Jack opened his mouth to speak but she held up a hand and shook her head. Eager to finish her thought and make her point.

‘It takes an enormous amount of strength to cut yourself off from everything the way I have. More than you can imagine.’

He brushed her too-long bangs out of her eyes and said, ‘August, I’ve never mistaken you for anything other than strong.’

Chapter 7

‘I’m going to nutshell this,’ August said. She found herself rushing her words in case they dried up. For so long she’d been refusing to open up about this to anyone other than her most trusted friend. Now she found the urgency to say it aloud overwhelming.

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