His Forbidden Debutante

Suddenly it was hard to breathe.

Somewhere in his chest, under his left arm just shy of his heart, the exact location where he’d been sliced by an epee while learning to fence, a tremendous ache swelled, forcing his lungs to constrict and his breathing to halt. He dragged in air with great effort.

He watched as the lady turned to face them, righting her glasses with a fingertip before taking a stride, her dark hair cascading over her shoulders to fall in ribbons down her back. They matched eyes and the entire world stopped.

He knew not how long they stared, unaware, caught in the moment, until the instructor cleared his throat and Penwick forced his mind to focus.

How unusual to have thought about spectacles during the carriage ride. How fantastically strange and confusing.

‘Milady, your partner for today’s lesson has arrived,’ Moira informed the young miss. ‘May I introduce Lord W?’

Penwick didn’t possess enough clarity to question the initial.

‘Waltz, milord.’ Mr Moira smiled, apparently pleased to share the discreet explanation.

‘Oh?’ Her one word whispered past him, but the lady didn’t say more.

All at once, his eyes didn’t know where to settle, taking in her fashionable gown, a deep shade of crimson which complemented her porcelain skin and mahogany hair, then to the white gloves buttoned at each wrist. Her features were delicate, high cheekbones and soft, full lips, and her shy smile, when she finally became comfortable with the new circumstance, lit the room more than the plentitude of high-strung chandeliers spaced across the ceiling amidst the departing rays of the sun.

He approached, his prior tension a fading memory.

Livie watched as the gentleman strode across the dance floor, her heart pounding a ferocious beat. Without cause, her palms grew damp beneath her gloves, and she was grateful to have remembered them, as she’d have been mortified to present sweaty hands to this handsome stranger. He stood a head taller than any man she’d danced with before, though that number remained few. Monsieur Bournon practised with her ordinarily and he was of smaller stature. Her eyes rose and she found his expression one of dubious curiosity.

What an unexpected twist to an otherwise troubling day. Who was this stranger? And how did he come to need dance instruction when his appearance presented as polished as any gentleman with whom she’d ever made acquaintance? Here stood a man who hadn’t gone soft like so many aristocrats, his physique broad and fit. His clothes were pristine and pressed, his dark brown hair combed precisely to fashion and, unless she was mistaken, she detected the warm, spicy scent of bergamot in his cologne. How she loved candied orange peel. The thought eased the moment.

‘May I?’

His deep voice resonated, slid through her senses with a lasting beat as if he opened the door to her heart and whispered to her soul. Not the hollow echo that accompanied every sound in the vast ballroom. Instead, the two words vibrated within her and the reaction proved fascinating and unsettling. His striking appearance had already set her heart to beat triple-time; she needed no other observation to abrade her nerves. Aware she stood a motionless ninny, she forced a smile and they moved equidistant to close the space between them.

‘Of course.’ She replied and he reached for her, one hand settling in her gloved palm while the other gently clasped her waist. They touched and her gaze shot to his in kind with an expression of equal surprise.

A woman could get lost in such large brown eyes, the colour of his irises a mixture of coffee and honey, framed by lush dark lashes, long and curled at the very tips. She swallowed, hoping he couldn’t hear the sound.

And still they stood motionless.

She’d danced with partners who’d held her in identical frame, but somehow this moment was different. Defining. His touch warmed her from the inside out, filled her with an unidentifiable sensation that assured and at the same time pitched her pulse to high riot. She must control her nerves and accomplish her very best dancing. For some reason, it seemed all the more important today.

From the corner of her eye she noticed Mr Moira retreating to the far wall where he raised a violin. The first stroke of the bow startled yet again and she jumped, Lord W’s hand tightening on her waist as if he wished to hold her safe and prevent her from falling. They hadn’t taken one step, but it pleased all the same, the protective measure he showed without the slightest provocation.

With a subtle nudge he swayed into the music, leading with the firm insistence of his hand at her waist, the measured exhale of his breath against her temple. They danced in silence, the graceful, disconsolate melody fraught with unexpected sentiment. It filled her with gentle longing and loss, as if myriad tender emotions, fragile and evanescent, milled within, unable to find their correct tempo and position.

Lord W appeared equally affected though she hadn’t shifted her eyes, content studying the elaborate folds in his cravat, the rugged shape of his jaw, how his Adam’s apple moved when he swallowed unspoken words. His mouth possessed a deep cleft at the peak of his upper lip like the crease of a heart. How would it feel against her mouth? Her pulse tripped at the wayward thought, and she knew without looking he possessed a tentative unrest, just as she did. They’d scheduled the lesson to learn the proper footwork, yet their steps were completed without hesitation, their bodies consumed with some unexplainable force far more important than timing or inclination to the turn. They danced a grand circle around the ballroom, her heart counting the rhythm more than her mind, the sensation bewildering, but pleasant, a lick of fiery desire anxious to become a conflagrant fire.

What was this? What strange passion affected him? Unsettled him? He’d danced with numerous partners through every lesson, never the same woman twice, all experience at social functions mirroring a similar routine, yet now, in this moment, he’d never felt more scattered and collected, the opposing qualities at war with his composure. He focused on the far wall, each step in time, every pace completed perfectly, yet blood pounded in his veins, the disconnect of sensibility and emotion too loud to comprehend. Why was this happening when he’d worked so hard to organise his life and compartmentalise each aspect of his future? Now that he’d chosen Claire for his wife, he had no use for inconvenient feelings. Whatever they may be. His brain floundered for a logical explanation and found nothing.

He dared a glance at the lady within his arms, her flowing hair arranged in a lovely manner that allowed the length to cascade down her back. The loose ends glossed amber light from the shimmering candles and caught in the air as they spun through a turn. Her eyes remained steadfast, fixed on his neckcloth and seemingly unaware his body reacted to her presence with ardent intensity.

It was wrong. An ignominious betrayal. Yet he couldn’t look away and refused to debate his respectability. He would observe every aspect of her appearance before their dance ended and he forced himself to forget.

Abandoning inhibition and reason, he noted the bow of lashes upon her delicate cheek, the creamy skin flushed soft as a new-born rose, and her endearing spectacles, which reflected light and shadows with their rotation through every turn. Pretty seemed an inadequate descriptor. His brain discarded beautiful next. Exquisite and rare came to mind and took immutable hold. Her features were fine-boned and delicate, her mouth poised as if she worked hard to keep words contained, and when she tilted her head ever so slightly and slanted a fleeting glance, her eyes darting to his and back again, the unintentional flirtation sent blood to his groin in a hot rush of desire.

The dance continued, the violin serenaded, strains of song accompanying the fluidity of their progress, and still he grew more attentive; her tiny waist beneath his palm, the warm, delicate trust of her gloved hand, her quickness of breath. It was as though each rotation wound him tighter, every revolution pulled him inward. He blinked hard and widened his eyes, at once aware he’d drawn her to his chest, all but crushed her to his body and she hadn’t uttered a word of objection.

He stopped, abrupt and jolting, though the song continued for several lingering notes before Moira realised they no longer danced. Penwick could only stand and stare, the distress in the lady’s eyes mirroring the turbulence coursing through him. What had he done? He waited not another minute before rushing from the hall.

Chapter Four

I have dark hair and eyes, in case you’ve ever wondered. I mention it because I find myself thinking about your appearance at times and imagining the person behind the lovely words. I hope I haven’t offended you. I’d never forgive myself if you believed me shallow or otherwise short on manners. I confess my curiosity can be a curse.

His chest thrummed. A long carriage ride through congested London streets, yet here he sat at Boodle’s and his chest thrummed still.

Penwick took a long swallow of brandy, hoping the soothing burn of expensive liquor would quiet his unrest, but it did little more than fuel the torment of conflicted emotion.

He laid his hand across his breast, unwittingly reminded of the letter in his pocket, and snatched his grip to the glass again, his pulse a heavy beat. Perhaps his time had arrived, his heart about to fail. It was how he’d come to the earldom unexpectedly. His extended family possessed an abundance of chest apoplexy and a shortage of males. But no, the unidentifiable sensation was not his heart deteriorating; rather it seemed overfilled, stressed at the walls with urgency. So much so it vibrated, causing the illogical palpitations which stoked his angst.

He wouldn’t label it obsession, but somehow, through their lengthy exchanges, ink on paper, nothing more than slashes and curves, she’d become a part of him, a part he never wished to be without. Yet that needed to change.

He summoned his litany of purpose. Claire was kind and intelligent, sensible and, at the same time, enthusiastic about their planned future. The attempt fell flat.

He tipped the drink to secure the last drop and signalled a footman who stood against the forest-green wall coverings, eager to replace his empty glass. Boodle’s was a sanctuary; the one place in London where his title proved useful more than superfluous. He kept a small table for four near the corner, away from the infamous bow window where dandies watched the crowd and desired to be noticed in return. At least within these walls life continued as expected without fast decisions and pressured opportunity, without societal perception and breathtakingly beautiful women who waltzed as if they belonged to no other partner in the world.

Damnation, his thoughts had wandered yet again.

‘Penwick, very good.’ A familiar voice drew his attention.

Allington circled the overstuffed chairs near the hearth and approached the table, as if a materialisation of current circumstance to smother wayward thoughts and unexplainable happenstance. His smug expression of entitlement frayed Penwick’s patience. Here stood a man who enjoyed being seen through the bow window. Were his father not well liked by peers and respected for his fine jewellery work, Jonathan would not be allowed within the club’s sanctuary. Someone could only have secured the man’s voucher, a favour called into purpose, although Allington worked through the room as if he belonged without a doubt.

‘Are you all right? You look a bit green about the gills. You’re not rethinking your impending marriage, are you? I’ll run you through if you embarrass Claire in any fashion.’ Allington took a chair with his brash ingress, though Penwick would have rather he hadn’t.

‘Of course not.’ He exhaled a cleansing breath and tapped his fingers on the table. Breaking an engagement would prove catastrophic for Claire and he could never live with himself were he to cause her disparagement. ‘Although you’ll never best me with swords.’ An underlying note of challenge in the reply instilled tantamount provocation.

‘That could be true.’ All conviviality evaporated and Allington’s congenial greeting seemed more façade than genuine disposition. ‘Have you given further thought to the investment proposal?’

‘Since we spoke this morning?’ His question rose on the endnote to proclaim the notion as lunacy. Where was the footman with his brandy?

‘I’m a decisive man and assume you are of similar ilk. When something appears sensible and to profitable financial benefit I rarely allow the opportunity to pass.’

‘I’m careful in all aspects of life.’ At last the footman returned and Penwick welcomed the fresh brandy.

‘I’ve learned that about you through incisive observation. It took you ages to commit to my sister. Father wondered if you were sincere. Hesitation painted you in a poor light.’ Allington sent a scant glance around the perimeter of the room. ‘I assured him all worry was for naught. I take you as a man of your word, as should he. All that aristocratic grandiloquence keeps you bound to the honourable course, doesn’t it?’

More than a little seemed troubling with Allington’s statements, though the conversation proceeded no further as Jasper St David and Randolph Beaufort entered the parlour, their aim his table. Penwick couldn’t have been more thankful for the friendly intrusion of two comrades. The men exchanged handshakes and introductions as necessary before Allington took his leave shortly thereafter. The mood eased immediately.

‘Stuffy prig, isn’t he?’ Jasper eyed Allington’s departing form. ‘One must wonder what he’s hiding?’

‘Oh, it’s all high water with him; no matter he comes off as a nigmenog.’ Randolph gathered a sneer in distaste. ‘Strikes me as a bedizened churl.’

‘My future brother-in-law?’ Penwick flicked his gaze to the now empty doorframe. ‘I agree he’s puffed up with his own consequence, although it’s probably nothing more than a handful of tawdry mistresses he’d like to keep in holes and corners.’

‘In holes and corners?’

‘On the quiet side, Randolph.’ Jasper’s grin widened. ‘A practice you find unfamiliar, I’m certain.’

‘I see. Like a code of sorts.’ Beaufort donned a broad smile. ‘Why do you suppose abbreviation is such a long word? I’ve often wondered.’

No one readily replied and Penwick eyed Jasper in meaningful conversation. ‘Of late, Allington has encouraged me to invest in the family business. Every time he mentions it, I become more uncomfortable, yet he persists with the patience of a starving cat waiting at a crack in the floorboards.’

‘Diamonds not your preference?’ Jasper asked the question with a tone expressing his belief that only a clunch would refuse the opportunity to enter into business with one of London’s most successful jewellers; and since Jasper owned Inventive Investments, a company dedicated to gaining collateral for prospering innovators, he possessed sound judgement.

‘It’s more his zealous insistence that puts me off than the actual venture. He presented the proposition this morning and now here we are in late afternoon and he’s badgered me about it again. This single-mindedness is off-putting, a cryptic challenge of pursuit I’ve no interest in perpetuating.’ Penwick drew a long sip of brandy.

‘Perhaps he has a short memory?’ Randolph’s suggestion amused Jasper who smiled towards his good friend before he replied to Penwick. ‘Cork-brained and all that. My uncle suffered from the same malady until he died like a fuddle cap with barrel fever.’

‘Rather odd, indeed. Why press the issue? It causes one to doubt the motive.’ Jasper gave a thoughtful pause. ‘You don’t suppose the family is under the hatches? Despite their esteemed reputation with the ton, you possess a proper title. One cannot ignore your betrothed is the daughter of a businessman, no matter the merchandise is diamonds, and while she may exude polish, there’s no changing she’s a woman from a lower class of society.’ Jasper continued to speculate. ‘Could the family desire your wealth and prestige? Diamonds are as secure an investment as I’d propose, though if he’s overspent and dished up, that’s another matter entirely. Otherwise, why would Allington run the risk of entry in your black book? Only an addle pate would anger an earl, more exact, a model of probity and uprightness. The boot is more commonly on the other leg.’

‘Exactly.’ The same questions plagued Penwick. Yet he couldn’t put his finger on any particular evidence to condemn Allington’s enthusiasm. Could it be the man sought to welcome him into the family wholeheartedly? Or did he work at Claire’s behest? This possibility caused him to regret his surly attitude. He needed to travel to Clipthorne on the outskirts of London and visit with his intended. Not only did he neglect his duties in offering her due attention, but were he to spend an afternoon with Claire, the lingering feeling of ill-ease might dissipate once and for all. He rejoined the conversation between Jasper and Randolph though his mind had wandered and he had no idea of the topic.

‘My Aunt Minerva wore a diamond tiara whenever she left the house. It sat on her head, all sidledywry, and the centre stone caught the sun, shiny as a sovereign. I assumed it was cut glass, but perhaps she’d purchased the gems from Allington. Their reputation for fine stones is renowned.’ Beaufort’s mental reverie held the table hostage for another beat.

‘Oliver’s brother is in town, dressed as a swell of the first stare and full of juice. He mentioned purchasing a horse from your stable.’ Jasper knocked the tabletop with his fist, determined to steer the conversation onto a more sensible track.

‘That he is, on all three counts.’ Beaufort leaned back in a casual pose that marked him a man at ease with his subtle girth.

‘I remember Oliver being quite fond of his brothers. Which sibling is it?’ Penwick looked to Jasper for explanation.

‘The older brother, Randolph.’ Jasper made no attempt to stifle his amusement.

‘Another Randolph?’

‘It seems everyone is named Randolph of late. Quite fashionable moniker. No matter Oliver’s brother dresses as a dimber damber, my wardrobe is superior.’ Beaufort adjusted the knot of his gingerline cravat and straightened his shoulders. ‘What you need, Penwick, is a pre-marriage celebration, an homage to bachelorhood… in other words, a fond farewell to freedom.’

‘Now there’s a jolly idea.’ Jasper’s expression displayed unmitigated enjoyment at the opportunity to goad. ‘Every fellow should have one last rout before volunteering for the parson’s mousetrap.’

‘And did you?’ Penwick’s quick repartee caught his friend unexpected. ‘Before vowing your eternal affection to Miss Shaw, did you sample the sweet offerings at one of Beaufort’s frequent diversions?’

‘Mrs. St David and I constitute a rare union. I speak in generalities, nothing more.’ Jasper’s assertive declaration was spoiled by his broad grin.

‘But I speak in specifics.’ Beaufort warmed to the subject, anxiously rattling off a list of suggestions for debauched pleasure. ‘Every man needs a singular experience to celebrate the end of bachelorhood before becoming a tenant for life. It all comes to a fiddlestick’s end, after all.’

‘How we’ve digressed.’ Penwick smirked as he dismissed the conversation. He’d grown accustomed to Beaufort’s uniquely scattered conversation since their fast friendship a year ago.

‘It’s an art form.’ Jasper arched a brow and canted his head towards Randolph. ‘He can send a discussion downhill like a runaway cart with three wheels.’

‘Beaufort?’ Penwick chuckled the question.

‘Beaufort.’ Jasper nodded in the affirmative.

The next morning, Livie sat in the library at Kirby Park, a fresh edition of Ackermann’s Repository nestled in her lap as if she guarded precious treasure. The illustrated periodical featured a fashion plate on the cover, the lady dressed in an extraordinary creation, sewn from sumptuous layers of satin, blue as a robin’s egg, to rival the most beautiful ball gowns Livie had ever seen. The daring neckline revealed a glimpse of cleavage, the model’s bosom displayed with flirtatious elegance, while the sleeves were no more than sheer wisps of fabric trimmed with the same detailed lace found in the bodice. The skirt flowed elegantly from an empire fall adorned by delicate floral embellishments with crystals and seed pearls. She followed the gown to the hem where the toe of a gorgeous pearl-white slipper caught her eye as if a flag waving her into surrender by temptation. This dress surpassed anything she’d worn or coveted on the pages of the Repository. With all her fashion sense, she couldn’t have created a better design of perfection.

What an entrance she’d make descending Kirby Park’s grand curved staircase in the centre hall on the evening of her debut. She’d pause halfway to gaze out at the guests and allow them a collective breath. How she’d dreamed of the moment when she was bedridden and bored, unsure she’d ever walk again. Those daydreams, along with Randolph’s letters, had been the best part of her confinement.

She brushed the pad of her finger over the pearl shoes displayed on the cover and in a flash remembered the glistening shoe clips she’d thrust into her skirt pocket before Whimsy rushed through her bedchamber door yesterday afternoon. She’d changed clothes several times since then. With any hope Dinah hadn’t discovered the clips because, at present, Livie had no answers to difficult questions. She hadn’t returned the walking boots Mr Horne handed her in error, nor had she decided precisely what to do with the exquisite accessories. How wrong to keep them and equally devastating to relinquish their beauty, most especially now that she’d found the ideal gown for her celebration. Perhaps if she wore the shoe clips once, at a single function, she could return them without despairing the loss, a reaction she abhorred to confront too closely.

She returned her gaze to the cover design. What would it feel like to wear such a breathtaking gown? Every eye would be drawn to her, every guest would take notice as she danced in the arms of a handsome stranger. Her eyes fell closed and a vivid image of Lord W clarified as if he’d waited patiently all the while for her to get on with her romantic imagining.

In truth, she thought of Lord W and their enchanted dance frequently, though she knew the entertaining fantasy was all for naught. She’d never see the gentleman again and didn’t know his name. Nor could she pursue the subject. Her not-so-subtle enquiries into Randolph’s identity last year had yielded nothing but odd looks and questions she wouldn’t, often couldn’t, answer. Wilhelmina behaved as persistently as a bloodhound with the scent of fresh prey when she protected her younger sister, and everything Livie did seemed to fall under the category of sibling surveillance. And she understood why. Despite numerous conversations to the contrary, Wilhelmina still harboured misplaced guilt over the carriage accident that had damaged Livie’s legs. Dashwood’s protective supervision was another subject entirely. While she appreciated his role as protector, master of the house and brother-in-law, his well-meant interference at times seemed overbearing. Must she be the object of everyone’s concern?

She loved her sister and brother-in-law thoroughly. Their generous welcoming of her into a new, wonderful life surpassed most all of Livie’s dreams, yet her greatest hope held fast. To be independent and adored as well as Dash loved Wilhelmina, perhaps beyond the idyllic examples before her – Livie dreamed of this daily.

She blinked behind her spectacles and gave her head a little shake.

‘Good heavens, that must be the most captivating design. You’ve stared at that illustration for no less than ten minutes with a faraway expression on your face.’

‘Aunt Kate,’ Livie answered with pleasure, her words loud and clear to compensate for her aunt’s hearing loss. ‘I was lost in a daydream, but you are correct. This gown is exquisite.’