Plain Jane and Doctor Dad

What brought on that somber mood of his? Was it the pressures of his work? Maura had always suspected it was something more. Some deep hurt in his past, some painful loss. Doug had never spoken to her about his past, but she did know from Scott that he’d gone through a difficult divorce a few years back.

As the months passed, she and Doug always had so much to say to each other whenever they met. She’d run into him on her floor while he did rounds, in the hallways, in the cafeteria. He would ask her advice about his cases, and she enjoyed helping him figure out some knotty problem in a diagnosis or discuss a curious turn in a patient’s condition.

It was unusual for a doctor of his standing to take a nurse into his confidence in that way, and she was secretly pleased, even proud, of the way he seemed to value her observations. But they didn’t only talk about patients. They talked about all kinds of things, movies, books, traveling to exotic places, which they both planned on doing someday when they weren’t working so hard.

But Maura had to acknowledge that, for all their interesting conversations, she still knew very little about him. The staff at Chicago General was always brimming with gossip, and while she avoided discussing other people’s lives, she had overheard a few basic facts about Doug. He had been at the hospital since his residency and at one time had been married. He was divorced for almost two years, but no one seemed to know what had gone wrong. His ex-wife was now married to a prominent plastic surgeon, and some said she’d hurt Doug badly with an affair.

Even though she didn’t have romantic designs on him herself, Maura wondered why he wasn’t in a new relationship, or even married again, by now. But her knowledgeable co-workers answered that question, too. Many hopeful women had pursued the handsome doctor, but the relationship had always ended unhappily. Despite his giving, caring nature as a physician, it was reported that Dr. Douglas Connelly was distant and even difficult as a romantic partner. An emotional Mount Everest with wickedly icy heights to scale.

Maura suspected his single-minded focus on his work had been the real problem. She knew it would be one for her. Some people didn’t need a home life and family. Maybe Doug was that type, she concluded. But a home and family was something Maura had always longed for, because she’d known so little security growing up.

When she’d met Scott, back in November, she’d believed at last she’d found a man who shared her values and outlook and wanted the same kind of life that she did.

Her thoughts drifted as sleep overcame her weary mind. How devastating it had been to discover that Scott had only pretended to be that kind of man, saying just what she’d wanted to hear in order to get what he’d wanted from her.

And by the time she saw him clearly, it was too late.

Two

Maura woke to the sound of sharp knocking on her front door. Her bedroom was dark, and the clock on the night table showed it was nearly eight. She sat up and pushed her hair back with her hand as she walked toward the foyer.

She wondered who it could be. Maybe her friend Liza, who lived downstairs. Liza often stopped by at night just to chat, mostly about her problems with boyfriends.

But Maura wasn’t in the mood to see Liza. She walked toward the door and tightened the sash on her robe, wondering what excuse she could make.

Just as the knock sounded again, Maura turned the lock. “Just a second,” she said.

She pulled the door open a space. Then felt herself jolted to the core by the sight of Doug’s tall, imposing form.

“Doug. What are you doing here?”

She was rarely so blunt, but he was that last person she’d expected. He’d only been to her apartment once, when her car wouldn’t start and he’d given her a lift home from the hospital. She didn’t even realize he remembered where she lived.

“I was on my way home and thought I’d stop by. I went to your station after my rounds, but they said you’d left early,” he added. “I hope you’re all right.”

He smiled at her, yet his gaze looked serious, questioning, as if he wasn’t sure he’d done the right thing by surprising her like this.

“Another nurse came in early, so I was able to leave before the shift ended,” she explained. “I was just taking a nap.”

“Have you had dinner yet? We could get something at the café around the corner if you like.”

“Thanks, but I think I’d rather stay in tonight. I mean, I appreciate you stopping over—”

“That’s all right. But I did want to talk to you some more. You seemed so upset today. I’m not sure it’s good for you to be alone.”

“I-I’m okay,” she insisted. “Really.” But she wasn’t okay and they both knew it.

“Maura?” Doug moved up to the opening in the door, his tone firm but concerned. “Please, let me in. I’ll only stay a minute.”

She took a deep breath. Then, without saying anything more, she stepped back and let him in. He was probably right. It wasn’t good for her to be alone right now. She might feel better if she talked to him for a while. He knew Scott and he seemed so understanding about her problem. Maybe he could help her sort things out.

She closed the door and they stood facing each other. A small lamp on a side table cast the foyer in soft, golden light. Shadows emphasized his strong features, his wide, firm mouth and amber eyes.

She suddenly felt self-conscious dressed in just her bathrobe, but there was no help for it. She knew she looked a mess, her hair hanging in wild waves down past her shoulders and her eyes circled with shadows. She met his steady gaze, then looked away, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I know you’re tired. I won’t stay long,” he promised.

“It’s okay. I’m glad you’re here.” It was true, she realized. She met his gaze, then looked away. “Let’s go into the living room.”

She led the way and sat on the couch. Doug stood a short distance away, his brows drawn together in a frown. She suddenly wondered about the thoughts causing that dark look. Did he think badly of her, that she was not very particular or careful about her romantic partners? The irony was, if anything, it was her naiveté and lack of experience with men that had gotten her into this fix. But of course Doug wouldn’t know that, and she felt foolish trying to explain it to him, certain he’d think she was making excuses for herself.

Doug turned and sat down in the armchair across from her. “You never really told me what Scott said to you about the baby. Only that he reacted badly.”

She sighed and gripped her hands in her lap. “We didn’t part on the best terms. I basically haven’t spoken to him since he broke up with me and announced he was leaving for Minnesota. When I went to see him today, to tell him about the baby, he offered to pay for an abortion…but that was all.”

“That bastard.” Doug’s eyes glinted with anger. “Is that all he said to you? He didn’t say he’d help you through the pregnancy or support his own child?”

Maura had wanted to avoid relating the uglier details of the conversation, but now she decided to tell Doug all.

“No, just the opposite, actually. He said that if I had the child, it would be my responsibility and I’d have to take him to court before he’d share in any financial support. He also said he hoped I wouldn’t make a big deal out of this. It would be bad for my career and for his, and he hoped that I’d…I’d be smart and do the right thing.”

“He said that?” Doug rose to his feet, his fists balled as if he wanted to strike something or someone. “I’d like to do the right thing to him…that smug, self-righteous son of a—”

Maura had never seen Doug this angry. His powerful emotions frightened her. Was it due to some long-standing enmity or rivalry between him and Scott? A tension Scott had sometimes hinted about. Or was he simply angry on her behalf?

“Doug, please. I really don’t care if Scott’s involved. I did believe I was in love with him at one time,” she admitted, “but now I can see I was in some fantasyland. I never really knew him.”

Doug turned to her again, and she thought her words had taken some of the edge off his anger.

“I was shocked at first by his reaction,” she continued. “But maybe it’s a good thing that he wants no connection to me or the baby. With any luck I’ll never have anything to do with him again.”

He paced across the room, then suddenly turned to face her.

“Yes, I guess you’re right. You’re certainly better off without him,” he admitted in a calmer tone. “And my confronting him wouldn’t help matters, would it?”

“Not at all,” she assured him.

“Except to make me feel a hell of a lot better,” he added, more to himself than to Maura. He took a deep breath and she could see him willing himself to cool off.

“Sorry, Maura. This doesn’t help you any.” He shook his head then glanced down at her. “Have you decided what you’re going to do?”

He’d asked the question quietly, almost casually. Yet she sensed him focusing on her reply with laser-like intensity. Not just the way a friend would be interested, but as if the matter somehow affected him directly, as well.

“I want to keep my baby,” she said firmly. “I have to.”

“I knew you would say that.” Doug’s expression softened, and a warm light glowed in his eyes as he gazed at her. “But raising a child on your own will be hard. Harder than you think,” he said knowingly. “My mother was a single parent. She didn’t even have family to help her. She really did it all on her own. With twin boys, no less,” he added. “Until I was an adult, I never even understood or appreciated how much she had to deal with. Sometimes I know I can never fully appreciate it, either.”

Maura had not known that Doug had been raised only by his mother. It couldn’t have been easy for him growing up. The accomplishment of completing medical school seemed even more impressive now. He was right. It wouldn’t be an easy road for her or her child.

“I know what you’re saying. I’ve thought about this—the problems I’ll face. But I can’t see it any other way. I just can’t put the child up for adoption,” she added. It was hard to continue, but she forced herself. Now it was her turn to reveal some hidden part of her history. “I know what it’s like to be part of a family…but not really part of it. It’s a terrible, lonely feeling. Like you’re always on the outside looking in,” she added quietly, remembering unhappier times.

“I’d rather raise my child alone and give it all the love one parent can give than sit and wonder, every day, if my baby is happy and cared for.”

“You were adopted?” he asked.

She shook her head. “A foster child, from the time I was about twelve years old. Both my parents died in a car accident. My sister and I had no close relatives to raise us. We were split up and sent to different foster homes. Some of the people were nice to me. They wanted to help and tried to make me feel a part of their family. But there were always problems. I never stayed anywhere for very long,” she confided wistfully. “Then I managed to get a scholarship to college and started living on my own.”

“How sad to lose both your parents so young,” he said gravely. “At least I always had my mother and brother. You never mentioned your family before. I had no idea.”

“Yes, well, you never mentioned yours either,” she said. “We’ve never talked much about personal things like this before, have we?”

“No, we haven’t. But maybe it’s long past time that we did.”

He glanced at her briefly as he sat down on the other end of the couch, crossing one long leg over the other and stretching out his arm along the back of the sofa. Despite his size, he moved gracefully, Maura noticed, with a powerful masculine grace that was distracting to her.

“Considering all you’ve been through, Maura, I’d think you would have turned out differently somehow.”

“Differently? How do you mean?”

“I’m not sure exactly. Not nearly as optimistic for one thing. And you’re such a caring, giving person.”

His thoughtful words lifted her spirits and, more than that, made her remember who she was and what she was capable of.

“I had a good start, I guess. I had two parents who loved their children and loved each other. We lived in a small town in Wisconsin, just outside of Madison. It was really an ideal childhood, you might say.” She looked down for a moment and gathered her thoughts. “Sometimes when I think about my family life back then, I think it might be unfair to the baby to raise it on my own. I know that there are decent, good people out there who would give an adopted child lots of love and a wonderful home. And sometimes I do feel scared to do this on my own.”

She felt her throat tighten with emotion, making it hard to continue. She didn’t want to start crying again but felt the tears well up in her eyes. “I don’t know…I just feel so confused, so overwhelmed,” she admitted in a shaky voice.

Doug touched her shoulder. He seemed about to speak, then stopped himself. She could see he was giving her a moment to calm herself and collect her thoughts again.

It was still hard for Maura to believe she was pregnant.

How could she begin to explain it to Doug, when she herself hardly understood how this happened? To her, of all people? She’d always felt that physical intimacy between a man and a woman was a serious step, part of a relationship that included love and commitment. Even so, she had little experience that way and had always been so careful.

But Scott had had a way of sweeping aside her doubts and Maura had believed that she loved him. She had thought herself so lucky that a successful, good-looking man like Scott had wanted her. She couldn’t understand what had attracted him to a mousy little thing like her. She couldn’t help it, but that was how she thought of herself. She knew she wasn’t attractive and sexy like some of the women around the hospital. She was quite the opposite, the type people used to call a plain Jane, feeling most comfortable when she blended into the woodwork. Sometimes friends like Liza insisted that she had what it took to turn heads, if she would only play up her looks a bit. But Maura always thought they were just trying to be nice. She could never quite believe it.

Maybe she felt safer downplaying her looks. As a teenager, just starting to blossom, she’d had some bad experiences attracting the wrong kind of male attention—the clumsy and crass advances of boys and even adult men in her foster families. She had learned to put as little emphasis as possible on her appearance. In her heart she hoped that the right man would be attracted to what was inside, not to some pretty packaging.

That was part of the reason she thought Scott might be the right man for her. Plain Jane or not, Scott pursued her and wooed her, and she was very flattered by his attentions. While he sometimes acted thoughtlessly in a way that was hurtful to her, he always managed to win her back again. It was hard to stay mad at him when he turned on the charm.

She knew he had his faults. But didn’t everybody? Maura didn’t expect the man she married to be perfect. She had so little experience when it came to romance that she hardly knew what to expect. No wonder she now found herself in this situation.

She shook her head as if to clear her muddled thoughts, then glanced over at Doug. Their eyes met, his golden gaze full of concern for her. For her future and her baby’s, she thought.

She unconsciously touched her hand to her stomach, which was still perfectly flat. Yet she imagined the new life growing there, minute by minute, hour by hour.

“I’ve been thinking I might leave Chicago. It’s hard to raise a child here.”

“Leave Chicago?” Doug’s expression darkened. “Where would you go?”

“Maybe to Portland, to be near my sister, Ellen. Or maybe to Santa Fe. I have a good friend from school there. I might be better off someplace new, making a fresh start.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea at all, Maura,” Doug said sternly. He abruptly got up off the couch and paced across the room again, looking almost as disturbed as he’d been hearing about her talk with Scott.

“It’ll be difficult and stressful to start a new job and get settled in a new city,” he pointed out. “What if the pregnancy doesn’t go well? You’d be all alone, with no one to help you.”

But she was all alone now, here in Chicago, Maura wanted to say. But she didn’t want Doug to think she felt sorry for herself. She really didn’t.

“I’m confused, I guess. What do you think I should do?” she asked, her eyes wide and questioning.

He stared at her a long time, making Maura feel suddenly very aware of being alone with him. She thought he was about to say something, then saw the firm set of his mouth as he mentally backtracked.

“I think there’s a lot to sort out. But it sounds like you’ve made the most important decision of all. To keep the baby,” he said. He sat down on the couch again next to her, their bodies close but not touching. “I’m not sure you can figure out much more tonight.”

He was right. She was exhausted and it was hard to think clearly.

“I guess you’re right. I can’t figure out my entire future in five minutes.” She sighed and glanced over at him. “But thanks again for listening. It’s really helped me,” she said sincerely.

“I want to help you any way I can, Maura. I mean it,” he promised her.

The emotion in his voice surprised her, and before she could answer, he shifted over on the couch, closing the small space between them. He put his arm around her shoulder and held her close.

His nearness was a soothing balm to her soul. They didn’t talk for a few moments, and Maura allowed herself to simply relax and soak up the strength and comfort he offered.

After a time she said, “What really made you come here tonight?”

“Just what I said when I came in, I was worried about you and thought you could use some company.”

She honestly hadn’t realized that Doug thought about her as much as he apparently did. Maybe he didn’t think of her in a romantic way, but their relationship did seem to matter to him, she reflected.

Then he shifted and glanced down at her and she knew intuitively there was something more. Something he was reluctant to say.

“Look, I know this sounds crazy, but I feel like this is partly my fault. This problem of yours, I mean.” She felt his broad chest expand as he took a deep breath. “I’ve known Scott a very long time. I know how he treats women. I wasn’t surprised at all when I heard about the way he broke up with you,” he admitted. “Months ago, when I first met you and learned you were seeing him, I thought about saying something to you. To warn you in some way about him. But I didn’t want to interfere. I could see you really cared for him and he seemed to care for you. You seemed happy together,” he added, sounding almost angry to admit it, Maura noticed. Though she couldn’t understand why.

“Was I happy? Yes, at first I guess I was,” she agreed. “Until I really got to know him.”

“I’d hoped that maybe you would figure him out sooner than most, and get through it without any serious damage. But it didn’t turn out that way, I guess,” Doug said. “Does it bother you to hear these things about him?” he added.

Maura shook her head. “No, not at all. In a strange way it makes me feel better. When Scott broke up with me, I felt it was all my fault. As if there was some reason I couldn’t make him love me and want to stay with me. Now I can see that it wasn’t me at all.”

“No, not you at all, Maura. Scott would have been lucky beyond deserving if he’d made a commitment to you,” Doug assured her. “Still, I feel responsible for how things ended up. If I had told you about Scott, about his past, maybe this would never have happened.”

Maura was stunned by his line of reasoning. She pulled back and stared up at him. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’d never make that connection in a million years.”

“I know you don’t see it that way. But I do,” he argued. “I knew you were too good for him. I knew how he’d end things with you. Just like all the others. I should have warned you.”

“Even if you had, I wouldn’t have believed you or taken your advice to heart,” Maura replied honestly. “I really thought we were in love and that Scott wanted to marry me someday.”

“Maybe you wouldn’t have listened to me. Not at first. But it might have helped you see his true colors sooner,” he added somberly.

Maura met his gaze. Perhaps that was true. But what good did it do to wonder about that now? She had to deal with the present and figure out some plan for the future.

“It doesn’t matter. Let’s not argue about it,” she urged him. “The point is, I’m the only one responsible for dating Scott…and for everything that happened after.”

She rose abruptly, then instantly felt her head spin. Doug was beside her in a split second, his arm wrapped tightly around her waist.

“Maura, are you dizzy?”

“Just a little. I haven’t eaten much today,” she realized. “That must be it.”

He piled up some couch pillows so she could lie back comfortably. “Here, rest a minute. I’ll fix you something.”

“You don’t have to do that,” she said. “I can manage.”

“I said rest,” he ordered in a stern tone. “I’m the doctor, remember?”

When she looked up at him in surprise, he flashed a sexy, stubborn grin.

“Okay, okay. You win.” She sat back with a sigh and a small smile. “I didn’t know you could cook, Dr. Connelly,” she added curiously.

“Me? I’m great in the kitchen—if you like scrambled eggs and toast.”

Maura laughed for the first time in days.

“Eggs on the dry side, please. Just a little jelly on the toast,” she replied as her head sunk back into the pillows.

“You got it.” He leaned over and covered her with a throw, then strolled off to the kitchen.

Maura felt her eyes close, her scattered thoughts lulled by the sounds and tempting smells of Doug’s cooking and the powerful, calming force of his presence. For the first time in days she felt some tranquillity and some hope about the future.

Her hands floated protectively to her stomach and she thought about her baby. During all her shock and worry, the single most important element in all this had been obscured, she realized. She was honestly thrilled to be expecting a child, no matter what the circumstances.

When Doug had asked about her intentions, she hadn’t revealed half of her true feelings about the baby. The truth was she wanted this child more than anything. Becoming pregnant made her see that she was very much alone in the world. Maybe she had always wanted a child, to love and be loved by the one person in her life who would always belong to her. She had a good relationship with her sister, but Ellen lived in Portland and had a family of her own. Maura had no one truly close.

Since her parents’ tragic accident and the trauma of watching her family fall to pieces, Maura had been on a private journey, longing to return to that special place of warmth, love and security she had known as a child. She had imagined creating that kind of stable, loving home life as part of a traditional marriage. But it hadn’t happened that way. Now she had to play the cards she’d been dealt. Despite her worries and fears, in her heart she was grateful for the new life growing inside of her.

She loved her baby already and knew that she would do her utmost to give her child a good life, to give him or her all the love, security and happiness that a child deserves.

Even if she had to do it all on her own. It would work out somehow, she told herself. It would.

Eggs, milk and butter. A bowl, a frying pan and toaster. Doug easily found what he needed and set to work on Maura’s dinner. Their conversation had left him all stirred up, as emotionally scrambled as the bowl of beaten eggs in his hand, and he was glad to focus on some practical task, like cooking. He poured the eggs in the pan, then glanced out into the living room. Maura lay with her eyes closed, and he wondered if she’d fallen asleep. Just as well, he thought. She needed a break. And so did he, to sort out his thoughts about all this.