The Color of Courage

For the horse was being brave. Brian’s admiration of the bay gelding grew as the big fellow remained still in spite of the activity going on around him. Even though his eyes were wide, with the whites showing all around indicating pain and fear, he didn’t struggle or thrash the way most horses would have.

When the area had been cleared, Brian gave up his position to a color guard member and rose awkwardly to his feet. He leaned heavily on his cane until he was sure he could take a step without falling on his face. He then moved to check out the horse’s leg. There was already serious swelling below the delicate ankle joint. It didn’t look good.

Several of the football officials in black-and-white striped shirts approached the group. One of them asked, “How soon can you get him off the field? We have a game to play.”

“Your game will have to wait.” Brian didn’t bother to hide his ire.

The man Lindsey had called Shane remained crouched beside Dakota, keeping him still with a hand on the horse’s neck. He ignored the officials completely. “Should we let him try to get up?”

Brian shook his head. “Not with the way that leg is swelling. We don’t want him to do more damage. Let me get a splint on it first. My truck is parked outside the gate next to your trailers. It’s white with College of Veterinary Medicine in purple lettering on the side. I’ve got first-aid equipment in there.”

“Private Gillis will get what you need if you’ll give him your keys.”

One of the soldiers stepped forward and held out his hand. After giving him a detailed list of what he wanted and where it was located, Brian waited impatiently for the Private’s return. It seemed to take forever, but in reality only a few minutes had passed when the breathless soldier raced back and handed Brian his kit and the supplies he had requested.

With the help of the other color guard members, Brian soon had the leg encased in a cotton wool wrap. He applied a lightweight but sturdy aluminum splint and secured it with Velcro straps.

“All right, let him try and get up, but if he doesn’t make it on the first attempt, we’ll need to get a lift in here.”

“We’ll get one, but I sure hope we don’t need it. Do you think he has a fracture?”

“I do, but I can’t say for sure until we get him to the clinic and X-ray the leg.”

With a gentle tug on the reins and some quiet words of encouragement, Shane urged Dakota to stand. After a brief hesitation, the horse lurched awkwardly to his feet. The crowd in the stands broke into loud cheering and applause. Brian looked up in surprise. He had forgotten he had several thousand onlookers watching his every move. No doubt some of his students were in attendance. Perhaps he’d present a pop quiz on splint application on Monday to check if they had been paying attention.

“If you can get your trailer in here, I think he can be loaded. The ride to the clinic isn’t far. You’ll need to wedge him in securely. I don’t want him moving around at all.”

“Thanks, Doc. It is doctor, isn’t it? I’m Corporal Shane Ross.” He held out his hand.

Brian took it in a firm grip. “Yes, I’m Dr. Brian Cutter, Professor of Equine Surgery for the College of Veterinary Medicine here at K-State.”

“Then it sounds like Dakota will be in good hands. I sure hope this isn’t a serious injury. The horse belonged to Lindsey’s brother. She’ll never forgive herself if he has to be put down.”

Lindsey endured her examination at the base hospital in stoic silence, answering between clenched lips only the questions posed to her. The pain she could deal with, but the fact that her arm hung useless against her side had her truly frightened. She couldn’t even move her fingers—they had no feeling at all. Thoughts of Danny’s paralysis crowded in her head. She fought down her rising panic as she addressed the physician attending her. “Sir, why can’t I move my hand?”

The gray-haired doctor sat on a stool beside her narrow bed. “Your humerus is fractured, that’s the bone in your upper arm. I’m going to splint it for now and send you to see an orthopedist. This is a nasty break.”

Like she needed anyone to tell her that. “I still don’t understand why I can’t move my fingers.”

“The nerve that controls hand movement runs in a grove along the bone of the upper arm. When a break occurs the nerve is often damaged. You should recover full use of your hand in a few months.”

“Months?” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“You’ll be on restricted duty until then. I’m giving you some pain medication. Take it regularly, don’t try to tough it out. I’ll write some instructions on icing the arm and have the nurse make an appointment with the specialist. Do you have any questions?”

“How soon can I ride?”

“Not for at least eight weeks, maybe longer depending on the nerve damage.”

She turned her face away, not wanting him to see the distress she knew was written there. The Inauguration was only ten weeks away. Did this mean there wouldn’t be a trip to Washington, D.C., for her?

No, she wouldn’t accept that. She wouldn’t let her chance to honor Danny and all he had stood for pass by without a fight. Besides, even if she couldn’t ride, Dakota could make the trip. Danny could still watch him striding down Pennsylvania Avenue. Every recent phone conversation with her sister-in-law had been filled with stories of Danny’s determination to attend the parade in person.

“You won’t be able to drive,” the doctor said gently. “Do you have someone who can get you home?”

She nodded. Captain Watson was waiting for her. Exactly how she was going to get back and forth from her off-base apartment to her duty station until she could drive was a worry she’d put aside until later.

After they applied the splint and sling and gave her some pain medication, she managed to walk out of the room under her own somewhat shaky power. She found Captain Watson perched on the edge of a chair in the waiting area. He looked nervous and ill at ease. Her heart sank.

Bracing herself to hear the worst, she asked, “How’s Dakota?”

Captain Watson sprang to his feet at the sound of her voice. “I haven’t heard. How are you?”

She gave a rueful glance at her big blue sling. “My arm is broken. The doctor said I’ll be on restricted duty for at least eight weeks, but it may be longer than that before I regain the use of my hand.”

“If you’re released, I’ll drive you home.”

“I need to find out how Dakota is.”

“Shane and Lee are with him. As soon as they know something, they’ll call. You are going straight home and that’s an order.”

“With all due respect, sir, I need to be with him. Please?” For a moment, she thought he was going to refuse, then his shoulders slumped in defeat.

“All right. They took him to the veterinary clinic at K-State. I’ll take you, but only because I want to see how he is doing myself.”

“Thanks. I just need to get these prescriptions filled and then I’m ready.”

Half an hour later, they pulled up to the large, white stone buildings on the outskirts of the college campus that comprised the veterinary teaching hospital. Signs at the entrance to the driveway directed them to the Large Animal Clinic at the back of the building. Lindsey’s pain pills were making her woozy, but she tried to hide it. She suspected that the Captain would drive her straight home if she showed any sign of weakness. Inside the building, they found the waiting area. The long, narrow room had panels of fluorescent lights across the ceiling that seemed to glare back painfully into her eyes from the shiny, beige linoleum floor.

The far end of the room was taken up by a wide reception desk where a pretty, young blond woman was talking on the phone. An American flag stood proudly displayed near the front of the desk. Lee and Shane were seated on the one of several mauve utilitarian chairs with bare wooden arms that lined the walls. They both rose and saluted when they caught sight of their captain. They were all still dressed in their exhibition uniforms and they were gathering odd looks from the staff and clients waiting with them.

Captain Watson returned the salute. “Any word yet?”

“No, sir. The doc hasn’t been out to talk to us.”

“That doesn’t sound good.” Lindsey settled gingerly on the couch but still took a quick, indrawn hiss as pain shot through her arm and shoulder. For a second, the room spun wildly and she grabbed hold of Shane’s arm.

“Easy, kid. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“The pain medicine they gave me is making me light-headed, that’s all.”

When the room stopped spinning, she looked up to see the vet from the stadium crossing the room toward them. His thick blond hair was still mussed, but he had traded his sport jacket for a white lab coat.

He stopped in front of the group, but his gaze rested on her. Frowning, he said, “I’m surprised to see you here. How’s your arm?”

The unrelenting, throbbing pain was almost unbearable. “It’s broken,” she snapped. “I want to hear about my horse.”

Shane laid a hand on her good shoulder. “Lindsey, this is Dr. Brian Cutter. He’s been looking after Dakota. Doctor, this is Sergeant Lindsey Mandel. I don’t think you two managed introductions with all that happened earlier.”

Lindsey realized that she must have sounded rude. The fiery agony in her arm wasn’t helping her disposition. She rose to her feet and was pleased when she stayed upright. “I’m sorry, Doctor. I’m just really worried about Dakota. How is he?”

“He has a fracture of the plantar proximal eminences of the second phalanx.”

Lee glanced around the group, then said, “Do you want to try that again in English for those of us who are new to all this horsey stuff?”

Dr. Cutter looked confused by Lee’s statement. “I assumed you are all expert horsemen.”

Captain Watson smiled in amusement. “My soldiers come from the ranks of ordinary units assigned to Fort Riley either as volunteers or as transfers. No previous riding skill is required. The men receive instruction from manuals used by Civil War cavalrymen. Private Gillis has only been with us a few weeks.”

Lee grinned. “I’d never ridden a horse before then, so I still have a lot to learn.”

Dr. Cutter managed a thin smile. “I see. All right, the animal has a fracture in one of the bones in the pastern joint between his ankle and his hoof.”

If Lindsey hadn’t been so upset herself, the look of horror on Lee’s face might have been comical when he said, “They shoot horses for that, don’t they?”

Dr. Cutter frowned sharply. “We are long past the days of shooting horses here. If an animal does have to be euthanized, we use humane methods.”

Lindsey sank onto the chair’s edge before her legs gave out and tried to gather her scattered thoughts. “What can be done for him?”

“You have several options but the best one is surgical arthrodesis. That means we fuse the joint using special pins and a bone graft from his hip. His recovery should take about four months.”

Lindsey bit her lower lip. Dakota wasn’t going to Washington, D.C. It was so unfair. Why had God given her a chance to do something special for her brother only to snatch it away?

Dr. Cutter raked a hand through his hair, giving Lindsey a clue as to why it looked unkempt. “Actually, I am hoping to begin trials of a new procedure using an experimental gene therapy that will speed healing, and this type of fracture is exactly the type I’m looking to study. Unfortunately, I haven’t received grant approval yet.”

The captain asked, “Will Dakota be able to return to duty?”

“A horse can lead a normal life after a fusion. Some horses have even returned to being successful athletes. There are, of course, risks involved, as with any surgery.”

Lindsey studied his face, hoping to see some encouragement, but there wasn’t any. “What are our other options?”

“We can try and cast the injury. You will need to keep him confined to a stall to rest the leg and hope for the best. He’s a calm fellow, so he may do well, but the recovery time will be much longer. The only other choice is to have him put down.”

Captain Watson crossed his arms over his chest. “What will the surgery cost?”

Dr. Cutter’s scowl turned into a look of sorrow. He said gently, “Around fifteen thousand dollars, depending on how well he does. Complications can raise the cost considerably. The clinic typically asks for half of the payment up front.”

“That much?”

“Or more.”

Lindsey’s heart sank at the expression on her captain’s face. She knew even before he spoke what he was going to say.

“I’m afraid the unit doesn’t have a budget to cover a medical bill like that. We are just scraping by as it is.”

“The costs for the cast and follow-up will be much less than the surgery. Is that the treatment you want us to use?”

Quickly, she said, “Couldn’t we at least try to requisition the money?”

“Of course I will, but with the budget cuts we’ve had, I doubt command is going to give up that kind of money for a horse. I’m sorry, Sergeant, I know how much he means to you. Can he be transported back to the base, Doctor?”

“I’ll need to keep him here for several weeks to make sure the cast doesn’t need any adjustments and monitor his condition. After that, I’m sure the base vet can manage his care. We’ll need follow up X-rays to make sure the leg is healing, but those can be done at your stable.”

Captain Watson held out his hand. “Thank you, Dr. Cutter. We’ll leave Dakota here until you think it’s safe to move him.”

Brian shook the offered hand. “Our equine services here at the Veterinarian Medical Teaching Hospital are among the finest in the world.”

It was his standard line when clients were worried about leaving their animals, but this time he was the one who was worried. The young woman was so pale he thought she might pass out at any moment. The horse must mean a great deal to her if she came straight from the hospital in her condition to check on him. Brian knew how much pain a broken bone caused.

She looked up. “Can I see him?”

“I’m not sure. You look like you need to lie down.”

Rising, she faced him with determination blazing in her eyes. “I’m not leaving until I see him.”

He looked to her captain, but all the man did was shrug and try to hold back a grin. Brian could tell he wasn’t going to get any help from that direction. He shoved one hand into his lab coat pocket and nodded toward the door. “All right, but if you pass out, you’ll just lie on the floor. I don’t do humans.”

“What a blessing for us,” she shot back.

He turned away without voicing the comment on the tip of his tongue and led the way to the door beside the reception desk. She was stubborn, irritating and yet pathetic at the same time. So, why did he find her so attractive?

It made no sense. The sooner she saw her horse, the sooner she would leave. Then maybe he could forget those beautiful eyes and the effect they seemed to have on his common sense.

He held open the door, but she stopped so close beside him that he could smell a subtle scent like peaches in her hair. He was tempted to lean closer to make sure. He didn’t, when he realized how unprofessional it would appear.

“What do you think his chances are without surgery?” she asked in a low voice as she stared at him intently.

Such beautiful, sad, green eyes. How could he add to her sorrow? This was the part of his job he dreaded most. He glanced back at the other unit members. They were watching him intently. The words he needed to say stuck in his throat. He sought to give her some hope. “Every patient is different. Only time will tell.”

“If he were your horse, what would you do?”

“If he were my horse and surgery wasn’t an option?”

“Yes.”

“I wouldn’t let him suffer. I’d spend as much time as I needed saying goodbye, then I’d have him put down.”

“No! I couldn’t stand that.” The last bit of color leeched from her face. She turned away, and the sudden movement caused her to lose her balance. His cane clattered to the floor as he caught hold of her.

Chapter Three

“Easy, I’ve got you.” Brian held the slender form of the woman against his chest and struggled to keep upright for both their sakes.

Her hair did smell like peaches. Funny, he hadn’t pictured her as the type of woman to use a scented shampoo. She struck him as a soldier through and through. It was intriguing to know she had a feminine side. He steadied himself by leaning back against the wall.

“I’m fine. It’s just a dizzy spell,” she said quickly.

The tight grip of her hand on his lab coat lapel told him more than words how much distress she was in. If there was one thing he knew well, it was the signs of pain—in animals and in humans.

A second later her fellow soldiers reached them. Shane swept Lindsey up into his arms without a moment’s hesitation and Brian had no choice but to let him. Seeing how easily and gently the man lifted her made Brian acutely aware of his own physical shortcomings. Years ago he had carried Emily just as effortlessly. He thought he had come to terms with his disability a long time ago, but obviously he hadn’t.

His limp was only a small reminder of the tragedy his carelessness had brought about. In one night he had lost both his wife and their unborn child. His mistake had cost him everything he held dear and he had only himself to blame.

Lee quickly retrieved Brian’s cane and handed it to him. Taking the polished wooden staff, Brian nodded his thanks and ignored his feelings of inadequacy. He extended one hand indicating a door a few steps down the hall. “My office has a sofa in it. You can lay her down in there. Do you want me to call nine-one-one?”

“No.” The weak murmur came from Lindsey.

“Are you sure?” Shane asked, looking uncertain.

She nodded as if more words were beyond her.

“This way,” Brian said, and moved to open his door. Inside his office, he swept up a few papers and books from the brown leather sofa to make room for her.

Shane lowered her gingerly, then stood back. None of the men seemed to know what to do next. Brian cleared his throat. “Would you like a drink of water?”

“Yes, please,” she whispered. She still hadn’t opened her eyes.

Brian grabbed a paper cup from the dispenser on the wall and filled it from the bottled container beside it. Moving back to her side, he settled himself on the edge of the couch. He lifted her head and held the cup to her lips. She took a sip then sighed. He lowered her head back to the cushion.

She opened one eye. “I thought you didn’t do humans.”

“I make exceptions for women dressed in Civil War uniforms.”

For an instant a smile tugged at the edge of her lips before she winced in pain again. “How fortunate can a girl get?”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to call nine-one-one?”

“Two rides in an ambulance in one day would be more than my ego can take. I don’t suppose you have some really good pain medicine handy. The pills they gave me at the hospital don’t seem to be doing much.”

“I’ve got a ton of good stuff here.”

She opened both eyes. “Really?”

He nodded. “I’ve got drugs that will knock out a horse.”

“Ha-ha. What does a girl have to do to get some?”

He was pleased to see her smile return, along with a bit more color in her cheeks. “She would need to grow two more legs and a tail.”

“Are you telling me I don’t measure up as one of your patients?”

“I never said anything of the kind. It’s actually nice to be able to ask a patient where it hurts and get an answer.”

“It hurts exactly where my horse landed on me.”

“From my vantage point that looked like almost all of you.”

“You are so right. If you aren’t going to supply me with drugs, can you help me sit up?”

Brian didn’t have a chance to help her. Her comrades were more than happy to oblige. He moved out of their way. When she was sitting upright she waved them aside. “I’m okay now. Don’t hover.”

The men backed up, but they didn’t look ready to leave her to her own devices.

Brian filled the cup again with more water and handed it to her. To his relief, he saw that her color was almost back to normal. “If you won’t go to the hospital, at least go home and lie on your own sofa so I can have mine back.”

Taking the offered drink, she sipped it and nodded. “Once I see Dakota, I’ll do just that.”

All of the men began to protest together, but she ignored their scolding and stood. Cradling her arm, she winced but remained steady on her feet. “Show me the way, Dr. Cutter.”

“He’s down the hall, through the doors at the very end and in the first stall on the left.”

He felt slightly cheated as he watched her fellow unit members guide her out the door, one on each side with her captain close behind. It wasn’t that he wanted her to fall into his arms again. Of course not. He simply wanted to make sure she was all right. But that was what her friends wanted, too, he reminded himself. And they certainly had more of a right to care for her than he did. He was nothing but a stranger.

The thought brought back his frown. He was more than that. He was the man who might have to put her beloved horse to sleep.

Early Monday morning, Lindsey begged a ride to the Large Animal Clinic with Shane. When they arrived, they saw Lee and Avery just going in. It seemed that all of them wanted to check on Dakota before they started their duties for the day.

As she approached Dakota’s stall, Lindsey was surprised to see Captain Watson had arrived before them. He was deep in conversation with Dr. Cutter.

When her captain caught sight of them, he smiled. “I’ve been talking to the doctor and he has a way to do surgery on Dakota at a reduced cost to our unit.”

Lindsey’s heart jumped as happiness surged through her. “How is that possible?”

Dr. Cutter cleared his throat. “Using a new surgical procedure that I’ve developed—I told you about it the other day. Dakota’s break is exactly the sort I’m hoping to trial this repair on.”

“But you said it wasn’t an option.” Shane frowned at the doctor.

“I received notice of my grant acceptance this morning. It is an experimental procedure. If Dakota is entered in the study, it will mean I will have total control of his care. My fees and much of his care will be covered, but that will still leave the bill for his boarding and supplies that the army will have to pay. Unfortunately, the grant isn’t a large one.”

“We can raise the money if we have to,” Captain Watson said.

“Absolutely,” Avery chimed in. “He’s one of our own. We won’t let him down.”

“Of course not,” Lindsey added. She had a little in savings. She would gladly give the money to help pay for Dakota’s care. “When you say experimental, Dr. Cutter, do you mean there is a chance that this won’t help him?”

“There is that chance, but I have every confidence that he will do well. If my procedure works, he could be out of his cast in as little as six weeks.”

Six weeks. That meant Dakota would be able to travel to Washington, D.C., in time for the Inaugural parade. Lindsey’s joy danced like a soap bubble in the wind.

Thank you, God, for giving Dakota into the care of this man.

Captain Watson turned to Brian. “You have my permission to enroll Dakota in your study.”

“Excellent. There are some forms you’ll need to sign. If you’ll follow me to my office, we can take care of that now.”

When the two men walked away, Lindsey opened the gate and stepped into the stall where Dakota stood quietly. He rested with his head lowered and his eyes half-closed. His dazed look worried her until she realized that they would be giving him pain medication and sedation to keep him quiet.

“Hey, Dakota. How’s it going, fella?”

His head came up at the sound of her voice and he whinnied softly. Delighted at his responsiveness, she stepped closer and began to rub the side of his face. “Don’t worry about a thing. Dr. Cutter is going to fix you up in no time.”