In Silence

Avery turned her gaze to her father’s overgrown garden. No wonder, she thought.

“I’m sorry, Avery. We all are.”

She swung away from her old friend, working to hold on to her anger. Fighting tears.

She lost the battle.

“Aw, Avery. Geez.” Matt went to her, drew her into his arms, against his chest. She leaned into him, burying her face in his shoulder, crying like a baby.

He held her awkwardly. Stiffly. Every so often he patted her shoulder and murmured something comforting, though through her sobs she couldn’t make out what.

The intensity of her tears lessened, then stopped. She drew away from him, embarrassed. “Sorry about that. It’s … I thought I could handle it.”

“Cut yourself some slack, Avery. Frankly, if you could handle it, I’d be a little worried about you.”

Tears flooded her eyes once more and she brought her hand to her nose. “I need a tissue. Excuse me.”

She headed toward her car, aware of him following. There, she rummaged in her purse, coming up with a rumpled Kleenex. She blew her nose, dabbed at her eyes, then faced him once more. “How could I not have known how bad off he was? Am I that self-involved?”

“None of us knew,” he said gently. “And we saw him every day.”

“But I was his daughter. I should have been able to tell, should have heard it in his voice. In what he said. Or didn’t say.”

“It’s not your fault, Avery.”

“No?” She realized her hands were shaking and slipped them into her pockets. “But I can’t help wondering, if I had stayed in Cypress Springs, would he be alive today? If I’d given up my career and stayed after Mom’s death, would he have staved off the depression that caused him to do … this? If I had simply picked up the pho—”

She swallowed the words, unable to speak them aloud. She met his gaze. “It hurts so much.”

“Don’t do this to yourself. You can’t go back.”

“I can’t, can I?” She winced at the bitterness in her voice. “I loved my dad more than anyone in the world, yet I only came home a handful of times in all the years since college. Even after Mom died so suddenly and so horribly, leaving so much unresolved between us. That should have been a wake-up call, but it wasn’t.”

He didn’t respond and she continued. “I’ve got to live with that, don’t I?”

“No,” he corrected. “You have to learn from it. It’s where you go from here that counts now. Not where you’ve been.”

A group of teenagers barreled by in a pickup truck, their raucous laughter interrupting the charged moment. The pickup was followed by another group of teenagers, these in a bright-yellow convertible, top down.

Avery glanced at her watch. Three-thirty. The high school let out the same time as it had all those years ago.

Funny how some things could change so dramatically and others not at all.

“I should get back to work. You going to be okay?”

She nodded. “Thanks for baby-sitting me.”

“No thanks necessary.” He started for the car, then stopped and looked back at her. “I almost forgot, Mom and Dad are expecting you for dinner tonight.”

“Tonight? But I just got in.”

“Exactly. No way are Mom and Dad going to let you spend your first night home alone.”

“But—”

“You’re not in the big city anymore, Avery. Here, people take care of each other. Besides, you’re family.”

Home. Family. At that moment nothing sounded better than that. “I’ll be there. They still live at the ranch?” she asked, using the nickname they had given the Stevenses’ sprawling ranch-style home.

“Of course. Status quo is something you can count on in Cypress Springs.” He crossed to his vehicle, opened the door and looked back at her. “Is six too early?”

“It’ll be perfect.”

“Great.” He climbed into the cruiser, started it and began backing up. Halfway down the driveway he stopped and lowered his window. “Hunter’s back home,” he called. “I thought you might want to know.”

Avery stood rooted to the spot even after Matt’s cruiser disappeared from sight. Hunter? she thought, disbelieving. Matt’s fraternal twin brother and the third member of their triumvirate. Back in Cypress Springs? Last she’d heard, he’d been a partner at a prestigious New Orleans law firm.

Avery turned away from the road and toward her childhood home. Something had happened the summer she’d been fifteen, Hunter and Matt sixteen. A rift had grown between the brothers. Hunter had become increasingly aloof, angry. He and Matt had fought often and several times violently. The Stevenses’ house, which had always been a haven of warmth, laughter and love, had become a battleground. As if the animosity between the brothers had spilled over into all the family relationships.

At first Avery had been certain the bad feelings between the brothers would pass. They hadn’t. Hunter had left for college and never returned—not even for holidays.

Now he, like she, had come home to Cypress Springs. Odd, she thought. A weird coincidence. Perhaps tonight she would discover what had brought him back.

CHAPTER 2

At six sharp, Avery pulled up in front of the Stevenses’ house. Buddy Stevens, sitting on the front porch smoking a cigar, caught sight of her and lumbered to his feet. “There’s my girl!” he bellowed. “Home safe and sound!”

She hurried up the walk and was enfolded in his arms. A mountain of a man with a barrel chest and booming voice, he had been Cypress Springs’s chief of police for as long as she could remember. Although a by-the-books lawman who had as much give as a concrete block when it came to his town and crime, the Buddy Stevens she knew was just a big ol’ teddy bear. A hard-ass with a soft, squishy center and a heart of gold.

He hugged her tightly, then held her at arm’s length. He searched her gaze, his own filled with regret. “I’m sorry, baby girl. Damn sorry.”

A lump formed in her throat. She cleared it with difficulty. “I know, Buddy. I’m sorry, too.”

He hugged her again. “You’re too thin. And you look tired.”

She drew away, filled with affection for the man who had been nearly as important to her growing up as her own father. “Haven’t you heard? A woman can’t be too thin.”

“Big-city crapola.” He put out the stogie and led her inside, arm firmly around her shoulders. “Lilah!” he called. “Cherry! Look who the cat’s dragged in.”

Cherry, Matt and Hunter’s younger sister, appeared at the kitchen door. The awkward-looking twelve-year-old girl had grown into an uncommonly beautiful woman. Tall, with dark hair and eyes like her brothers, she had inherited her mother’s elegant features and pretty skin.

When she saw Avery she burst into a huge smile. “You made it. We’ve been worried sick.” She crossed to Avery and hugged her. “That’s no kind of a trip for a woman to make alone.”

Such an unenlightened comment coming from a woman in her twenties took Avery aback. But as Matt had said earlier, she wasn’t in the city anymore.

She hugged her back. “It wasn’t so bad. Cab to Dullas, nonstop flight to New Orleans, a rental car here. The most harrowing part was retrieving my luggage.”

“Big, tough career girl,” Buddy murmured, sounding anything but pleased. “I hope you had a cell phone.”

“Of course. Fully charged at all times.” She grinned up at him. “And, you’ll be happy to know, pepper spray in my purse.”

“Pepper spray? Whatever for?” This came from Lilah Stevens.

“Self-protection, Mama,” Cherry supplied, glancing over her shoulder at the older woman.

Lilah, still as trim and attractive as Avery remembered, crossed from the kitchen and caught Avery’s hands. “Self-protection? Well, you won’t be needing that here.” She searched Avery’s gaze. “Avery, sweetheart. Welcome home. How are you?”

Avery squeezed the other woman’s hands, tears pricking her eyes. “I’ve been better, thanks.”

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. Sorrier than I can express.”

“I know. And that means a lot.”

From the other room came the sound of a timer going off. Lilah released Avery’s hands. “That’s the pie.”

The smells emanating from the kitchen were heavenly. Lilah Stevens had been the best cook in the parish and had consistently won baking prizes at the parish fair. Growing up, Avery had angled for a dinner invitation at every opportunity.

“What kind of pie?” she asked.

“Strawberry. I know peach is your favorite but it’s impossible to find a decent peach this time of year. And the first Louisiana berries are in. And delicious, I might add.”

“Silly woman,” Buddy interrupted. “The poor child is exhausted. Stop your yapping about produce and let the girl sit down.”

“Yapping?” She wagged a finger at him. “If you want pie, Mr. Stevens, you’ll have to get yourself down to the Azalea Café.”

He immediately looked contrite. “Sorry, sugar-sweet, you know I was just teasing.”

“Now I’m sugar-sweet, am I?” She rolled her eyes and turned back to Avery. “You see what I’ve put up with all these years?”

Avery laughed. She used to wish her parents could be more like Lilah and Buddy, openly affectionate and teasing. In all the years she had known the couple, all the time she had spent around their home, she had never heard them raise their voices at one another. And when they’d teased each other, like just now, their love and respect had always shown through.

In truth, Avery had often wished her mother could be more like Lilah. Good-natured, outgoing. A traditional woman comfortable in her own skin. One who had enjoyed her children, making a home for them and her husband.

It had seemed to Avery that her mother had enjoyed neither, though she had never said so aloud. Avery had sensed her mother’s frustration, her dissatisfaction with her place in the world.

No, Avery thought, that wasn’t quite right. She had been frustrated by her only child’s tomboyish ways and defiant streak. She had been disappointed in her daughter’s likes and dislikes, the choices she made.

In her mother’s eyes, Avery hadn’t measured up.

Lilah Stevens had never made Avery feel she lacked anything. To the contrary, Lilah had made her feel not only worthy but special as well.

“I do see,” Avery agreed, playing along. “It’s outrageous.”

“That it is.” Lilah waved them toward the living room. “Matt should be here any moment. All I have left to do is whip the potatoes and heat the French bread. Then we can eat.”

“Can I help?” Avery asked.

As she had known it would be, the woman’s answer was a definitive no. Buddy and Cherry led her to the living room. Avery sank onto the overstuffed couch, acknowledging exhaustion. She wished she could lean her head back, close her eyes and sleep for a week.

“You’ve barely changed,” Buddy said softly, tone wistful. “Same pretty, bright-eyed girl you were the day you left Cypress Springs.”

She’d been so damn young back then. So ridiculously naive. She had yearned for something bigger than Cypress Springs, something better. Had sensed something important waited for her outside this small town. She supposed she had found it: a prestigious job; writing awards and professional respect; an enviable salary.

What was it all worth now? If those twelve years hadn’t been, if all her choices still lay before her, what would she do differently?

Everything. Anything to have him with her.

She met Buddy’s eyes. “You’d be surprised how much I’ve changed.” She lightened her words with a smile. “What about you? Besides being as devastatingly handsome as ever, still the most feared and respected lawman in the parish?”

“I don’t know about that,” he murmured. “Seems to me, these days that honor belongs to Matt.”

“West Feliciana Parish’s sheriff is retiring next year,” Cherry chimed in. “Matt’s planning to run for the job.” There was no mistaking the pride in her voice. “Those in the know expect him to win the election by a landslide.”

Buddy nodded, looking as pleased as punch. “My son, the parish’s top cop. Imagine that.”

“A regular crime-fighting family dynasty,” Avery murmured.

“Not for long.” Buddy settled into his easy chair. “Retirement’s right around the corner. Probably should have retired already. If I’d had a grandchild to spoil, I—”

“Dad,” Cherry warned, “don’t go there.”

“Three children,” he groused, “all disappointments. Friends of mine have a half-dozen of the little critters already. I don’t think that’s right.” He looked at Avery. “Do you?”

Avery held up her hands, laughing. “Oh, no, I’m not getting involved in this one.”

Cherry mouthed a “Thank you,” Buddy pouted and Avery changed the subject. “I can’t imagine you not being the chief of police. Cypress Springs won’t be the same.”

“Comes a time one generation needs to make room for the next. Much as I hate the thought, my time has come and gone.”

With a derisive snort, Cherry started toward the kitchen. “I’m having a glass of wine. Want one, Avery?”

“Love one.”

“Red or white?”

“Whatever you’re having.” Avery let out a long breath and leaned her head against the sofa back, tension easing from her. She closed her eyes. Images played on the backs of her eyelids, ones from her past: her, Matt and Hunter playing while their parents barbecued in the backyard. Buddy and Lilah snapping pictures as she and Matt headed off to the prom. The two families caroling at Christmastime.

Sweet memories. Comforting ones.

“Good to be back, isn’t it?” Buddy murmured as if reading her thoughts.

She opened her eyes and looked at him. “Despite everything, yes.” She glanced away a moment, then back. “I wish I’d come home sooner. After Mom … I should have stayed. If I had—”

The unfinished thought hung heavily between them anyway. If she had, maybe her dad would be alive today.

Cherry returned with the wine. She crossed to Avery; handed her a glass of the pale gold liquid. “What are your plans?”

“First order of business is a service for Dad. I called Danny Gallagher this afternoon. We’re meeting tomorrow after lunch.”

“How long are you staying?” Cherry sat on the other end of the couch, curling her legs under her.

“I took a leave of absence from the Post, because I just don’t know,” she answered honestly. “I haven’t a clue how long it will take to go through Dad’s things, get the house ready to sell.”

“Sorry I’m late.”

At Matt’s voice, Avery looked up. He stood in the doorway to the living room, head cocked as he gazed at her, expression amused. He’d exchanged his uniform for blue jeans and a soft chambray shirt. He held a bouquet of fresh flowers.

“Brought Mom some posies,” he said. “She in the kitchen?”

“You know Mom.” Cherry crossed to him and kissed his cheek. “Dad’s already complained about the dearth of grandchildren around here. Remind me to be late next time.”

Matt met Avery’s eyes and grinned. “Glad I missed it. Though I’ll no doubt catch the rerun later.”

Buddy scowled at his two children. “No grandbabies and no respect.” He looked toward the kitchen. “Lilah,” he bellowed, “where did we go wrong with these kids?”

Lilah poked her head out of the kitchen. “For heaven’s sake, Buddy, leave the children alone.” She turned her attention to her son. “Hello, Matt. Are those for the table?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He ambled across to her, kissed her cheek and handed her the flowers. “Something smells awfully good.”

“Come, help me with the roast.” She turned to her daughter. “Cherry, could you put these in a vase for me?”

Avery watched the exchange. She could have been a part of this family. Officially a part. Everyone had expected her and Matt to marry.

Buddy interrupted her thoughts. “Have you considered staying?” he asked. “This is your home, Avery. You belong here.”

She dragged her gaze back to his, uncertain how to answer. Yes, she had come home to take care of specific family business, but less specifically, she had come for answers. For peace of mind—not only about her father’s death, but about her own life.

Truth was, she had been drifting for a while now, neither happy nor unhappy. Vaguely dissatisfied but uncertain why.

“Do I, Buddy? Always felt like the one marching to a different drummer.”

“Your daddy thought so.”

Tears swamped her. “I miss him so much.”

“I know, baby girl.” A momentary, awkward silence fell between them. Buddy broke it first. “He never got over your mother’s death. The way she died. He loved her completely.”

She’d been behind the wheel when she suffered a stroke, on her way to meet her cousin who’d flown into New Orleans. For a week of girl time—shopping and dining and shows. She had careened across the highway, into a brick wall.

A sound from the doorway drew her gaze. Lilah stood there, expression stricken. Matt and Cherry stood behind her. “It was so … awful. She called me the night before she left. She hadn’t been feeling well, she said. She had run her symptoms by Phillip, had wondered if she shouldn’t cancel her trip. He had urged her to go. Nothing was wrong with her that a week away wouldn’t cure. I don’t think he ever forgave himself for that.”

“He thought he should have known,” Buddy murmured. “Thought that if he hadn’t been paying closer attention to his patients’ health than to his own wife’s, he could have saved her.”

Avery clasped her shaky hands together. “I didn’t know. I … he mentioned feeling responsible, but I—”

She had chosen to pacify him. To assure him none of it was his fault.

Then go on her merry way.

Matt moved around his mother and came to stand behind her chair. He laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. “It’s not your fault, Avery,” he said softly. “It’s not.”

She reached up and curled her fingers around his, grateful for the support. “Matt said Dad had been acting strangely. That he had withdrawn from everyone and everything. But still I … how could he have done what he did?”

“When I heard how he did it,” Cherry said quietly, “I wasn’t surprised. I think you can love someone so much you do something … unbelievable because of it. Something tragic.”

An uncomfortable silence settled over the group. Avery tried to speak but found she couldn’t for the knot of tears in her throat.

Buddy, bless him, took over. He turned to Lilah. “Dinner ready, sugar-sweet?”

“It is.” Lilah all but jumped at the opportunity to turn their attention to the mundane. “And getting cold.”

“Let’s get to it, then,” Buddy directed.

They made their way to the dining room and sat. Buddy said the blessing, then the procession of bowls and platters began, passed as they always had been at the Stevenses’ supper table from right to left.

Avery went through the motions. She ate, commented on the food, joined in story swapping. But her heart wasn’t in it. Nor was anyone else’s, that was obvious to her. As was how hard they were trying to make it like it used to be. How hard they were wanting to comfort with normalcy.

But how could anything be normal ever again? In years gone by, her parents had sat with her at this table. She, Matt and Hunter would have been clustered together, whispering or joking.

She missed Hunter, Avery realized. She felt the lack of his presence keenly.

Hunter had been the most intellectual of the group. Not the most intelligent, because both he and Matt had sailed through school, neither having to crack a book to maintain an A average, both scoring near-perfect marks on their SATs.

But Hunter had possessed a sharp, sarcastic wit. He’d been incapable of the silliness the rest of them had sometimes wallowed in. He had often been the voice of wry reason in whatever storm was brewing.

She hadn’t been surprised to hear he had become a successful lawyer. Between his keen mind and razor-sharp tongue, he’d no doubt consistently decimated the opposition.

She brought him up as Lilah served the pie. “Matt tells me that Hunter’s moved back to Cypress Springs. I’d hoped he would be here tonight.”

Silence fell around the table. Avery shifted her gaze from one face to the next. “I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?”

Buddy cleared his throat. “Of course not, baby girl. It’s just that Hunter’s had some troubles lately. Lost his partnership in the New Orleans law firm. Was nearly disbarred, from what I hear. Moved back here about ten months ago.”

“I don’t know why he bothered,” Matt added. “For all the time he spends with his family.”

Cherry frowned. “I wish he hadn’t come home. He only did it to hurt us.”

“Now, Cherry,” Buddy murmured, “you don’t know that.”

“The hell I don’t. If he was any kind of brother, any kind of son, he would be here for us. Instead, he—”

Lilah launched to her feet. Avery saw she was near tears. “I’ll get the coffee.”

“I’ll help.” Cherry tossed her napkin on the table and got to her feet, expression disgusted. She looked at Avery. “Tell you the truth, all Hunter’s ever done is break our hearts.”

CHAPTER 3

Talk of Hunter drained the joy from the gathering, and the remainder of the evening passed at a snail’s pace. Lilah’s smile looked artificial; Cherry’s mood darkened with each passing moment and Buddy’s jubilance bordered on manic.

Finally, pie consumed, coffee cups drained, Avery said her thanks and made her excuses. Cherry and Lilah said their goodbyes in the dining room; Buddy accompanied her and Matt to the door.

Buddy hugged her. “You broke all our hearts when you left. But no one’s more than mine. I’d had mine set on you being my daughter.”

Avery returned his embrace. “I love you, too, Buddy.”

Matt walked her to her car. “Pretty night,” she murmured, lifting her face to the night sky. “So many stars. I’d forgotten how many.”

“I enjoyed tonight, Avery. It was like old times.”

Avery met his eyes; her pulse fluttered.

“I’ve missed you,” he said. “I’m glad you’re back.”

She swallowed hard, acknowledging that she’d missed him, too. Or more accurately, that she’d missed standing with him this way, in his folks’ driveway, under a star-sprinkled sky. Had missed the familiarity of it. The sense of belonging.

Matt put words to her thoughts. “Why’d you leave, Avery? My dad was right, you know. You belong here. You’re one of us.”

“Why didn’t you go with me?” she countered. “I asked. Begged, if I remember correctly.”

Matt lifted a hand as if to touch her, then dropped it. “You always wanted something else, something more than Cypress Springs could offer. Something more than I could offer. I never understood it. But I had to accept it.”

She shifted her gaze slightly, uncomfortable with the truth. That he could speak it so plainly. She changed the direction of their conversation. “Your dad and Cherry said you’re the front-runner in next year’s election for parish sheriff. I’m not surprised. You always said you were destined for great things.”

“But our definitions of great things always differed, didn’t they, Avery?”

“That’s not fair, Matt.”

“Fair or not, it’s true.” He paused. “You broke my heart.”

She held his gaze. “You broke mine, too.”

“Then we’re even, aren’t we? A broken heart apiece.”

She winced at the bitter edge in his voice. “Matt, it … wasn’t you. It was me. I never felt—”

She had been about to say how she had never felt she belonged in Cypress Springs. That once she’d become a teenager, she had always felt slightly out of step, different in subtle but monumental ways from the other girls she knew.

Those feelings seemed silly now. The thoughts of a self-absorbed young girl.

“What about now, Avery?” he asked. “What do you want now? What do you need?”

Discomfited by the intensity of his gaze, she looked away. “I don’t know. I don’t want to return to where I was, I’m certain of that. And I don’t mean the geographical location.”