Motherhood Without Parole

As soon as PJ had all the cords plugged into the right outlets, Neve grabbed the Harry Potter book she’d been reading and sat in the silvery-gray armchair closest to the kitchen. The chair wasn’t nearly as comfortable as the couch or the recliner closer to the television set, but she wouldn’t be able to hear anything from either of those seats.

Right now it sounded as if Kate’s friend Delia was saying goodbye. Neve made a point of concentrating hard on her book when the tall blond woman walked through the living room to the front door.

“Well, I didn’t mean to make her uncomfortable,” Aunt Lily said. “How was I supposed to know she was pregnant?”

“I don’t think she’s ready for people to know—that’s the point.” Kate’s tone was civil, but even a kid could hear the tension between the two women.

“Then, if I can give you a little advice, don’t bring controversial subjects up with kids in the next room. They hear more than you think.” As if realizing the truth in her own words, Lily suddenly lowered her voice.

The rest of the murmured conversation was a lost cause, so Neve gave up and tried to pay attention to what was going on at Hogwarts instead. But not even Hermione, her favorite character, could distract her. Controversial? That meant, like, scandalous. Was Delia’s having a baby a scandal because she was so old…or because she didn’t want to have one?

Adults should be more careful, in Neve’s opinion. They should be responsible so that there didn’t end up being kids all over the world who felt unloved. If I ever have children, I’ll love them all the time. Even when they were annoying, like PJ. And she would sure as hell never kick them out of their own home because she didn’t have time for them.

CHAPTER 4

Although she’d offered her help—numerous times— Lily had to admit she was a little surprised her sister-in-law was taking her up on it. Especially so soon.

“I understand if you can’t do it.” Kate was already backtracking, jamming spoons into the basket portion of the dishwasher.

“No, no. We’ll work something out. Brittney has drill team rehearsal at the high school and Davis has football—all the sports programs start meeting before school starts—but maybe Bob can drop off one or both of them. I’ll swing by here with the two youngest to pick up Neve and PJ, and we’ll have time to make it back to the schools before practices finish.”

Kate blinked. “I’m lucky you drive something big enough to haul around all these kids.”

“You and Paul might want to think about getting a vehicle besides those tiny cars you drive. Even without four kids, Neve will have girlfriends she’ll want to take to the mall, PJ will have teammates. You may want to carpool with some of the other moms, but you’ll need more room.”

“I’ll, um, think about it.”

Yeah, you do that. Kate rarely objected to any suggestions outright, but she didn’t exactly give off a flexible vibe. As far as Lily was concerned, flexibility and a sense of humor were two of the main weapons in a mother’s arsenal. Lily could understand not wanting to trade the sleek model Kate drove for a minivan, but the car, in Lily’s opinion, functioned as much as a status symbol as a mode of transportation. She wouldn’t call Kate a snob, exactly—well, maybe she would.

Stop it. So she has more money than you do. It was your choice to have a big family and no outside job. Four kids required strict budgeting. But it was more than Kate being affluent or wearing nice clothes.

It was the way she never got caught in the same outfit twice or the way she dressed up even for Sunday cereal with the kids—what, she didn’t own a pair of jeans? True, Kate was a natural beauty, but she also seemed to put a lot of effort into appearance. Her makeup, her well-tailored, wrinkle-free slacks, the manicured lawn she paid someone to keep perfect, the curtains that were carefully color-coordinated to the throw pillows.

Lily didn’t know who, if anyone, the woman was trying to impress, but one thing Kate would learn soon enough: kids had a way of making life a little messier. Lily hoped for all their sakes that her sister-in-law was more adaptable than she seemed.

Not even noon yet, and Kate was ready to call it a day. All-nighters in graduate school had been less draining than this first morning with the kids. In their defense, however, they hadn’t put her through the ringer as much as Delia’s unexpected announcement and Lily’s unexpected arrival. Considering the favor their aunt had agreed to do tomorrow, Kate tried not to seem happy to see the woman leave. Good thing I have minor acting experience.

“Well, looks like it’s just the three of us,” she announced, dropping onto the sofa after Lily’s departure.

Neve glanced up from a thick novel just long enough to spare a dubious look. Clearly she didn’t think “the three of us” had the same companionable feel as, say, musketeers or even amigos.

Good thing Kate wasn’t a quitter. “Since your aunt is going to watch you while I’m at work tomorrow, we should do something together today. Any suggestions?”

If Neve didn’t exactly brighten, at least she let her book fall closed. “Shop for school clothes?”

Without pausing in his complicated joystick maneuvers, PJ shook his head. “Shopping is boring!”

Actually, Kate enjoyed shopping. Or did when she had spare cash with which to make purchases. “A fun outfit for the first day may be in order, but you won’t need much to supplement your wardrobes, right?”

“Wardrobes?” Neve’s eye roll was perfectly timed with her sigh of disgust. “You do know we wore uniforms at Newsome? I barely have enough regular clothes to get me through a week.”

Even though Kate knew this was an exaggeration, she had forgotten their previous school clothes were provided by the Academy. As fast as she’d noticed kids grew, they probably did need substantial wardrobe supplies, especially for when the weather turned cool in another month or so.

“Too bad Aunt Lily left,” Neve said wistfully. “She’d know from Brittney where the cool places to buy clothes are.”

“Hey, I know plenty about clothes,” Kate said. Not even the disdainful teen could argue Kate was a bad dresser.

When it came to shopping, though, Lily obviously wanted the crown for expert bargain hunter. It drove Kate a little nuts the way Paul’s sister-in-law wore her thrift like a badge.

Oh, do you like Brittney’s dress? She found one in a magazine and we improvised a pattern. Who can afford the price of a formal dress she’ll wear to one homecoming dance and then relegate to the back of her closet?

Yeah, we’d talked about going a different color with the furniture in the den, but once I saw the love seats were fifty percent off, who could resist? I figure Bob can grow to love fuchsia.

Any woman was entitled to a great buy every once in a while, but Lily made Kate uncomfortable, remarking on a cute purse and asking if it was new, just a hint of disapproval in her tone or commenting wistfully on Kate and Paul’s honeymoon, mentioning that it had been years since she and Bob had been able to splurge on a luxurious vacation. “Got those four college tuitions we plan on paying,” she’d sometimes joke.

Even though the comments never seemed to bother Paul, Kate found them to be a little too reminiscent of her mother. Lorna Brewster had always had a “woe is me” air about her, a way of working comments into the conversation so that those who were better off felt obligated to either help her or feel guilty about their own successes. One of the many reasons Kate had informed Lorna that she didn’t have to spend her money to travel to the wedding. All we need are your best wishes, Mom.

With both of Paul’s parents deceased and Kate estranged from her one known relative, it had been natural to have a small, private wedding. The fact was, if Lorna got a look at how well-to-do Paul was, requests for family loans were sure to follow, even if they were cleverly disguised passive-aggressive requests.

But Lily hadn’t asked for money as far as Kate knew, and it was beside the point now since they had none to lend. Kate didn’t think she needed to start clipping coupons—yet—but once Paul came home, who knew how long it would take him to find a good replacement job and what sort of salary he’d be offered. She doubted another CEO position would fall into his lap, especially with his now murky record.

“Could we go to the pool?” PJ asked cheerfully. “It’s better than Florida. No jellyfish.”

Apparently Neve had been stung one year at the beach and PJ had spent the past couple of summers afraid to go back in the water. To PJ, jellyfish were the new Jaws.

The posh neighborhood included membership to a large pool and private clubhouse. They could spend the afternoon there without spending a dime, not counting the semiridiculous check she and Paul had written to the mandatory homeowners’ association in January.

“Now that sounds like a good idea,” Kate agreed. “What about you, Neve? Want to take advantage of the last couple of weeks of summer? It will be fall before you know it.”

“I like fall,” the girl said. “Everything’s dead then.”

Chipper sentiment.

Just as Kate began to worry that Neve was headed for teenage years filled with Goth clothing and suicidal poetry, Neve added, “It’s easier on my allergies. Summer’s not so bad, but spring is miserable.”

“Ah.” Come to think of it, Kate should probably make it a point to learn more about both children. As far as she knew, no one would go into anaphylactic shock at the sight of peanuts or shrimp, but there were dozens of potential missteps she would rather avoid. Especially those that might lead to emergency room visits. She had one dizzying moment where she realized how much she didn’t know. Hell, Patti had left more explicit instructions when Kate house-sat for her once than Paul had for turning over his children.

But that’s just because he trusts you and knows you can do this. Whereas Lily’s little pop-ins, unsolicited advice and frequent offers to assist seemed to stem from a suspicion that Kate wasn’t cut out to be a mom. Well, by the end of the month Lily would just have to admit she was wrong.

“I guess going to the pool would be okay,” Neve allowed, sounding a lot like royalty who’d just deigned to spend the afternoon with commoners.

“So why don’t we all change into our bathing suits and meet downstairs when we’re ready?” Kate had been working too many hours to loll around poolside this summer, but she assumed the suit she’d taken on her honeymoon still fit.

In the privacy of the master bathroom she tugged the supportive top into place and checked her butt in the mirror. Assured that the navy-blue one-piece with dark green detailing wouldn’t send anyone running from the pool area, she tossed some sunscreen and a paperback novel into a shoulder bag, along with several oversize towels. Once she got downstairs, it struck her as comically ironic that she’d worried about her suit being indecent.

While PJ looked the way an eight-year-old boy should—scruffy but adorable in baggy SpongeBob trunks and an orange tank top with a frayed hem—his older sister looked as if she might be auditioning for the lead in Lolita.

“Where did you get that bikini?” Kate hadn’t meant to sound shrill, but her stepdaughter didn’t seem to notice the tone.

Neve stretched, showing off the suit. Not that there was enough material to make it a legitimate article of clothing. “I spent Spring Break with my friend Krista, remember? She and I got matching bikinis, only hers is green.”

Kate had assumed Neve was developing curves, as young women normally do, but she’d never seen them showcased in scraps of hot-pink, with white plastic rings holding together the bra cups and connecting the front and back fabric on the bottom. Lord, seeing his granddaughter in this getup was probably what landed Lily’s father in the hospital.

Kate took a deep breath. “I’m all for fashion, Neve, honestly. But until your dad gets back, I’m trying to do the best job I can to…to fill in for him. Do you think he’d want you to go to the pool dressed—” undressed “—like that?”

The adolescent shrugged, the casual gesture at odds with the intense expression in her eyes just before she ducked her head. “I don’t think he’d care. He’s never commented on my clothes. Or much else about me.”

Oh, Paul. Kate had heard both his arguments for boarding school and Lily’s criticisms against it and had sided with him. After all, Newsome was touted to be one of the best educational facilities in the country, with devoted staff and excellent programs. But she had a feeling that his daughter at least was less than thrilled about being shipped off while he carried on with his post-Heather life.

For the first time, she was concerned about how the kids would react when they were told their father didn’t want them to visit. He planned on telling them himself on the phone—an announcement she wasn’t in a hurry to preempt—but it would be some time before he was allowed a call.

“I don’t suppose you have another suit?” Kate asked.

“No.” Neve jutted her chin out, and Kate recognized the gesture for the stubborn challenge it was.

“All right.” What the hell. In two weeks summer would end and the bathing suit would be a moot point. It didn’t make financial sense to buy a new one the girl would outgrow by next year’s beach season. “Should we walk to the pool or drive?”

“Seems silly to use the gas for such a short distance. There’s an energy crisis, you know.” Even now that the bikini objection had been withdrawn, Neve’s tone made it clear she hadn’t forgotten the censure and wouldn’t be forgiving anytime soon.

“Walking it is, then.” Kate glanced at PJ. “That okay with you, buddy?”

He nodded, volunteering no opinion on his sister’s wardrobe or North American fuel limitations.

When they arrived at the pool, Kate had to admit Neve’s suit no longer seemed out of the bounds of decency. At least not in comparison to the others on display. The Hansons’ summer au pair was sunbathing in an ice blue string bikini while the two Hanson boys, older than PJ and younger than Neve, tried to drown each other in the deep end. In another lounge chair a teen had removed her top and appeared to be sleeping on her stomach, wearing bikini bottoms that bordered on being a thong. Kate had the urge to cover PJ’s eyes.

The boy, however, wasn’t old enough to care about scantily clad young women. “Do you have any coins, Kate?”

“He likes to practice swimming at the bottom to pick them up.” Neve pulled a book out of her shoulder bag and took up residence under the shade of a table umbrella.

With Neve off in her own fictional world and PJ diving for dimes, Kate half wished she’d brought her laptop. She had some writing she could be doing, but working seemed to defeat the “quality time” spirit of the outing. Besides, the computer screen was damn hard to read in direct sunlight. But maybe tonight she’d put together some kind of schedule, times when she could be with the kids but also stay ahead on her office work. With a little multitasking, there was no reason her office performance had to change at all with her newest circumstances.

“Kate! Why, Kate St. James, is that you?”

Oh, hell. Lowering her sunglasses slightly, Kate noticed a trio of women entering the gated poolside area. Leading the pack was Celeste Parker, treasurer of the neighborhood association.

Kate managed a smile. “Yep, it’s me all right. In the flesh.” Although not quite so much of it as Celeste.

While the redhead wore a modest sarong-style skirt over the bottom half of her one-piece, she was spilling out of the low-cut top. No doubt to best showcase the breasts her husband had purchased for her fortieth birthday.

“We’ve barely seen you at all since…well, you know. It’s just so brave of you to be out and about.” Celeste glanced from Neve, at her table a few feet away, toward the pool. “Poor dears. I hate to think how many milestones their father is missing.”

Though the comment was directed at Kate, it was easily overheard by those nearby. Neve shut her book with an audible thump and glared in Celeste’s direction.

Kate felt like glaring herself but wouldn’t give Celeste the satisfaction. “Well, it’s been nice catching up with you ladies….” Now go away.

Celeste smiled. “We should do this more often. Of course, you’ve always had such a hectic schedule. And now that your circumstances have changed, we know how busy you must be.”

When Kate had moved into the neighborhood, she’d quickly realized that she was in the minority of full-time working women. Some of the wives, Celeste included, were home most days and had formed tight cliques. Though they smiled at Kate and chatted with her at cocktail parties, she’d never truly felt as if she belonged. Now the feeling multiplied tenfold.

She shouldn’t care; she didn’t even like Celeste Parker. But she’d endured smugness in her youth, from the kids who could afford better clothes and, as she got older, from the boys in her class who’d heard rumors about how “easy” her mother was. It had been freely speculated at her high school that Kate had landed some of her local modeling jobs by bestowing sexual favors on casting directors.

She’d deflected snide remarks and knowing glances her whole life, but she was successful now. She’d worked hard, married well. Dammit, she should be at home catching up on work or watching an old movie with Paul, not baking beside an overchlorinated pool with no idea what to say to her stepchildren and letting Celeste frigging Parker make her feel as though she were in sixth grade again.

As Celeste offered a saccharine “toodles” more appropriate to a nineteen-year-old sorority pledge than a noted attorney’s wife, Kate turned her attention to PJ.

The boy frowned. “Are you okay?”

“Just fine, buddy.”

No sense ruining his outing by explaining that sometimes people stung more viciously and deliberately than jellyfish.

CHAPTER 5

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