For The Sake Of His Child

‘Carson.’

‘Carson, I had no idea you were going to replace the engine. There was no need for that.’

‘According to the garage, there was every need.’

‘You know what I mean. I want to pay you—not immediately, but in instalments—’

‘All right, pay me one day. Now, can we forget this?’

She agreed, with a horrid suspicion that she was boring him. ‘How did you know I’d be here?’ she asked.

‘I was going to drop in at your office, but I arrived just as you were getting into a taxi. So I told my taxi to follow you.’

He ordered himself a drink, and she watched him, trying to tie this man in with the ogre Dulcie had described. ‘Difficult and demanding’ she could understand. Even when he was being kind, his air of pride and self-will were unmistakable. A bad enemy. A man who expected things done his way, and at once. A disturbing man. An exciting man.

She tried to brush that idea away, but it lurked on the fringe of her consciousness, taking little pot-shots at her more sedate thoughts.

He was different from other men, as a lion was different from kittens. She wished Dan would hurry up and arrive. Something was happening here that was threatening her carefully constructed world, and if she hurried she might still be in time to avoid it.

‘What about your car?’ she asked, hoping that her voice wouldn’t shake and betray her inner confusion.

‘It’ll be ready by tomorrow.’ He looked at the clock on the wall. ‘Seven-twenty. What time was your date supposed to arrive?’

‘Any time about now,’ she prevaricated. Dan should have been there at seven. ‘He’s very busy.’

‘So am I, but if I make a date with a lady I’m punctual.’

‘Actually I’m early. I don’t expect him until seven-thirty,’ she said defiantly.

‘If you say so.’ His dark eyes warned her not to try to fool him.

‘What did you think of Philip Hale?’ she asked, valiantly searching for a new topic of conversation.

‘He’s everything you said. Brilliant—couldn’t have a better man—for a limited range. Also the biggest bore in creation. Never says anything once if he can say it ten times.’

She choked into her sherry and put it down hastily, her shoulders shaking.

‘Don’t smother it,’ he advised her. ‘Laugh aloud. He isn’t here to know.’

‘I shouldn’t think anyone’s ever spoken about him that way before,’ she chuckled.

‘Nonsense. Everyone who’s ever met him must have said something like that as soon as they escaped.’

He hoped she would go on laughing, because her laughter made the sun come out again. But she controlled herself, pressing her lips together, although her eyes still brimmed with fun. He would have to make do with that.

‘Anyway, bore or not, I’ve decided to take him on. I’m seeing him again tomorrow, heaven help me! He’s a good lawyer, within his range. Do you have a speciality?’

‘Property and commercial law.’

‘So you might be doing some of my work?’

There was a noise in the background. Gina leaned forward, frowning. ‘Could you repeat that?’

‘You might be doing some of my work.’ He saw her watching him intently. ‘What is it?’

‘I’m deaf,’ she said simply.

‘Nonsense!’ he said brusquely. ‘You can’t be.’

Gina’s face broke into the happiest smile he’d ever seen.

‘Thank you. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me since—since I went deaf.’

He frowned. ‘But you seem to be hearing me quite normally. Are you saying you’ve been lip-reading all this time?’

‘Oh, no. I have a cochlear implant that helps me. I can hear most things, but if there’s background noise I sometimes miss a few words.’

Before her eyes he changed. A heaviness seemed to settle over him. ‘I see,’ he said. ‘I never suspected—’

‘Why should you? Apart from the odd moment, I’m just like everyone else.’

‘Yes, of course. Forgive me. I was just thinking—’

Gina watched him in dismay. She knew exactly what he was thinking. She was used to people who flinched at the word deaf, who couldn’t cope with even the thought.

But not this man, surely? She’d been so sure that he was special that she’d admitted her problem without worrying. Now her heart sank at the thought that he might be no better than the others.

The discovery hurt, but she couldn’t escape it. There was no mistaking the chill, withdrawn look that had come over his face. He no longer knew what to say to her.

To her relief she saw Dan hurrying towards her, dodging between the tables. ‘Darling, I’m so sorry I’m late. Something came up…’

Carson rose quickly. ‘I gather this is your date. I won’t keep you.’ He nodded politely at Dan and walked away.

‘Who was that?’ Dan asked, kissing her on the cheek.

‘Carson Page. I bashed his car.’

‘Good grief! The Carson Page? Darling, you shouldn’t have let him go so easily. He’s a big man.’

‘No, he isn’t,’ Gina said with a little sigh. ‘He’s just like all the rest.’

The next afternoon, the receptionist called to say that there had been a delivery for Gina. Dulcie was deep in correspondence, so Gina went out herself. And that was how she saw Carson Page arriving, accompanied by a little boy of about eight. The child had a pale, intelligent face, and he looked nervous.

Philip Hale arrived, full of an effusive greeting, which Carson returned politely, but with a cool restraint that would have warned a subtler man than Hale.

It was strange, Gina thought, how the child showed no awareness of the conversation going on over his head. Almost as if…

I’m imagining things, she thought, giving herself a little mental shake.

True to his word, Carson gave no sign of recognising Gina, but followed Philip Hale, his hand on the boy’s shoulder.

‘I wonder what’s the matter with that child?’ Gina said to the young woman receptionist.

‘Poor little kiddie. Tossed from pillar to post. Parents not speaking, using him as a weapon. Apparently, Mr Page is trying to stop his ex having any access to Joey at all.’

‘That’s wicked!’ Gina exclaimed.

Her view of Carson Page took another knock. Obviously his friendliness the day before had been an aberration, and there was something much more unpleasant beneath the surface.

She returned to her office and got down to business. She worked for half an hour, then she leaned back in her chair, yawned and stretched. It was late afternoon and the sun was hot.

‘Oh, heavens!’

She’d happened to glance out of her window, overlooking the main road, and something she saw there made her spring to her feet.

‘What’s that child doing there?’ she demanded, aghast.

It was Joey Page. He was wandering in the busy road, apparently oblivious to the furious honks from the motorists around him. As she watched, a car missed him by an inch. The motorist bawled at him, but the little boy merely looked bewildered, as though nothing that was happening to him was real.

‘Oh, my God,’ she whispered. ‘He doesn’t know—he can’t—’

The next moment, she’d dashed from her office, running across the reception area and out into the street, praying that she would be in time.

There was more honking as she raced into the road and grabbed Joey. He tried to throw her off, but she held on and guided him firmly back to the pavement.

‘What were you thinking of?’ she demanded breathlessly. ‘You could have been run over.’

‘Yaaa—yaaa—yaaaah!’ he shrieked, glaring at her and wrenching himself free. But behind the childish fierceness Gina glimpsed bewilderment, as though her words were meaningless, and now she was certain about something that had only been a suspicion before. She knelt so that he could see her lips.

‘You’re deaf, aren’t you?’ she said slowly.

‘Aaaah!’ he yelled.

His face was filled with sullen misery. She knew a flare of anger at the man who’d deprived this vulnerable child of his mother.

‘Don’t go into the road,’ she told him, speaking slowly and clearly. ‘It’s dangerous.’ She tried to put her hand on his shoulder.

‘Aaaa!’ he screamed, thrashing about so wildly that she was almost knocked off balance.

‘Joey!’ said a voice behind him. ‘Stop that!’

Gina looked up to see Carson, frowning. She rose to face him.

‘It’s no use shouting at him,’ she said. ‘He can’t hear you.’

‘Yes,’ he said heavily. ‘I know he can’t.’

He reached for the child’s arm. Instantly Joey swung around to face him and let out another yell. He sounded shocking, like a small demented animal, but Gina, standing close to him, could feel that he was trembling violently.

She could have wept for the child. She knew that bewildered frustration that could only find release in rage. Carson’s appalled expression now brought back a host of painful memories, and instinctively she put her arms about Joey.

‘I’m his father. I’ll take him.’

Gina gasped, trying to fight down the wild anger that surged up in her. She almost never lost her temper, but now it rushed away from her, leaving her shaking.

‘If you’re his father, what were you thinking of to let him wander away like that?’ she demanded. ‘Don’t you know that deaf children are vulnerable on the roads?’

‘I don’t need to be lectured about my own son,’ he snapped.

‘I think you do. A father worth his salt would protect this child properly.’

The look he flung her was so full of rage that anyone else might have been intimidated, but Gina was too cross to care. What did this man matter beside the hurt child?

‘He’s got problems,’ she cried. ‘He can’t hear. That means he needs more love and care, not less. He needs his mother.’

‘That’s enough!’ Carson’s face was frozen. ‘You know nothing about it. Perhaps you would be good enough to bring him inside.’

Gina grasped the child by the hand and led him back into the building. To her relief, there was nobody in Philip Hale’s office.

‘I’m grateful to you for rescuing him,’ Carson said, ‘and for the trouble you’ve taken—’

‘It’s no trouble,’ Gina told him firmly. ‘I’ll get him some—’ She stopped and put herself where Joey could see her. ‘Milk and chocolate biscuits,’ she said, speaking clearly. ‘Would you like that?’

He nodded. His expression was still belligerent but, when she tried to leave the office, Joey took a firm hold of her hand. It was as though he’d discovered safety at last, and he wasn’t going to risk losing it. Gina called Dulcie on the internal line and asked her to bring the refreshments.

‘They’ll soon be here,’ she told Joey. But he frowned. He hadn’t understood.

‘They will soon be here,’ she said, slowly and with emphasis. This time he nodded, and Gina gave him her most reassuring smile. After what seemed like an age, he managed a half-smile in return, but it was gone at once.

Just like his father, she thought.

He had a round face with well-defined features that were just beginning to reflect Carson’s. There was character beyond his years in that face, and mobile eyebrows that suggested a touch of humour. Behind the barrier of deafness a strong personality was developing, Gina thought.

Dulcie entered, and Joey’s eyes lit up at the sight of a plate of chocolate biscuits. But before he touched them he looked up at his father. Gina thought she saw apprehension in that glance, and her anger grew again.

‘He’s afraid of you,’ she accused.

‘He’s afraid of everything,’ Carson said wearily.

‘Of course he is. When you’re deaf, the world is a very scary place, but he should be able to rely on you to help him through it. You’re his father; you should stand between him and the things that threaten him.’

‘I don’t know how!’ he snapped. As soon as the words were out, his face closed against her, as though he’d been betrayed into an admission of weakness, and resented her for it.

‘He could have got killed out there but you haven’t put your arms around him. All you could think of was apologising to me. As though I matter, beside him.’

She checked herself. Out of the corner of her eye she’d glimpsed Philip Hale approaching.

‘Why don’t I take Joey to my office, so that you can get on with your business?’ she said quickly.

‘Thank you.’

She faced the child. ‘Come along. And we’ll take these.’ She took the tray with the milk and biscuits, and they went out together.

Luckily Gina found her office empty, which would give her time to talk to Joey and ease his distress.

‘I’m Gina,’ she said at last, placing herself where he could see her. ‘What’s your name?’

She already knew that he was called Joey, but she wanted him to tell her himself. That would start them communicating.

He looked at her, then away. After a moment he looked back.

‘Don’t you want to tell me?’

He took a deep breath and made a noise that sounded like, ‘Oooeeey!’

‘Joey? That’s fine. My name is Gina.’ He frowned, so she said it again. He tried, not very successfully, to say the word.

‘Look,’ she said, holding up her hand.

Slowly she made the sign for G, then I. She wondered if he understood finger-spelling, but his eyes brightened, and she finished the word.

‘Gina,’ she said.

He tried to say it. It came out badly but she smiled encouragement, and spelt it again with her fingers. Joey watched intently, then repeated her movements exactly.

‘Well done,’ she said, spelling the two words.

He tried to follow her and got it right on the second try.

‘Have something to eat now, and we’ll try again later,’ she said.

Now that he’d calmed down, she could study him better, and she saw sadness, as if the weight of the world was crushing him.

She ventured to try a longer sentence. ‘Are you enjoying your biscuits?’

He nodded, tried to say something and choked on a crumb. She patted him on the back and they laughed together.

Then it was his turn. He tried to speak some words which Gina almost understood. Some signalling back and forth revealed the meaning: You must eat biscuits, too.

After that the conversation was fast and furious. A light came into the child’s face. He communicated as if he’d never managed it before.

‘I’m deaf, too,’ she told him. ‘I can hear now, but I know what it’s like. Nobody understands.’

He nodded and, eyes wide, repeated with his fingers, Nobody understands.

‘You’re very clever,’ Gina told him, her fingers working fast.

Joey simply stared. Gina said it again and indicated for him to spell the words too. But instead of doing so he made a single sound.

‘Eeee?’ he said.

Something stuck in Gina’s throat. Instinctively she knew the meaning of that pathetic question.

‘Yes, darling, you,’ she said. ‘You’re very clever. You really are.’

This time he didn’t try to answer, but simply shook his head forlornly. Gina couldn’t bear that sight. She put her arms about him and hugged him to her. He hugged her back, clutching her so fiercely that she gasped.

I’m a stranger, she thought. Yet the poor little soul clings to me.

She closed her eyes and held on to him tightly, trying to convey comfort and safety in a way he could understand. When she opened her eyes again, Carson Page was standing in the doorway, watching them with an expression from which all emotion had been carefully wiped.

‘It’s time for us to go,’ he said.

Reluctantly Gina tried to release herself from the little boy’s arms, but Joey tightened his grip and wailed.

‘All right,’ she said quickly. She turned his face to her and said slowly, ‘Don’t worry. I’m here.’

She didn’t know what had made her say that in defiance of his father, but at that moment she would have done anything for this little boy.

‘I’m taking him home,’ Carson said firmly.

Gina faced Joey. ‘Home,’ she said.

But the child shook his head wildly. And when his father took hold of him, he began to thrash about, trying to fight him off.

‘Come along,’ Carson said firmly, tightening his grip.

‘Let him go!’ Gina rose to face him.

‘What did you say?’

‘I said, let him go. You’ve no right to treat him like this.’

‘Are you out of your mind?’

‘I’m asking you to be gentle with him—’

‘I make every effort to do so, but I will not tolerate tantrums.’

At the word ‘tantrums’, Gina wanted to bang her head against the wall—or preferably bang his head against the wall. Was there any way of getting through to this man?

‘He’s not having a tantrum,’ she said through gritted teeth. ‘He’s lonely and frightened. Are you such a monster that you can’t tell the difference?’

Carson stared at her, thunderstruck by the force of her attack. She was amazed at it herself. Her nature was normally placid, but Joey’s suffering had brought old fears and miseries to the surface, destroying her control. For a moment she was a child again, lashing out at a cruel world that didn’t care enough to understand.

Then she saw Philip Hale in the doorway and her heart sank.

‘You will collect your things, Miss Tennison, and leave immediately,’ Mr Hale said, in a voice that contained a hint of triumph.

‘No,’ Carson said at once. ‘I owe Miss Tennison a debt, and I can’t allow her to lose her job.’

Philip Hale’s face was a picture. The desire not to offend a valuable client warred with indignation at Carson’s imperious way of declaring what he would and wouldn’t allow. While he was struggling Carson went on without waiting for a reply.

‘Miss Tennison, I thank you for saving my son, and—’ for the first time he seemed to falter ‘—and for the understanding you have shown him. You’re a credit to your employers, and I shall be writing to the senior partners to say so.’ He emphasised ‘senior’ very slightly. Philip Hale noticed and his eyes narrowed.

Gina let out a slow breath, more confused than she’d ever been. He was brusque, harsh and arrogant, but he was also fair.

Carson reached out to Joey. All the fight seemed to have drained out of the child, and he took his father’s hand without protest. But he was weeping with a kind of resigned despair that broke Gina’s heart.

She watched as father and son walked out and headed for the front door. They got halfway. Then Carson stopped and looked down at the child who, by now, was wiping his face. He put his fingers under the boy’s chin, and lifted it, looking urgently into his eyes. Then, more gently than Gina would have believed possible, he took out a handkerchief and dried the little boy’s tears. He looked back at her. For the first time he seemed unsure of himself.

‘You’d better come with us,’ he said. ‘I mean—if you can spare the time.’

Gina opened her mouth to say that of course she would come, but suddenly she was swept by alarm. She wanted to help this vulnerable child, yet a great weight seemed to be crushing her.

‘I—I—’ she stammered.

‘Go with him and make yourself useful,’ Hale said, speaking through gritted teeth. ‘I shall have things to say to you later.’

She collected her bag and hurried to catch up with them. Joey watched her, eyes wide, smiling. Then he put up his hands and spelled out, ‘Come too.’

‘Yes,’ she said, clearly. ‘I’m coming, too.’

‘Then let’s go,’ Carson said.

CHAPTER THREE

ON THE journey, nobody spoke. Sitting in the rear, with Joey, Gina could only see the back of Carson’s head. It had a forbidding look. The child seemed simply content to have her there. Gina was trying to calm herself, battling with traumas she had thought would never trouble her again.

For a while she’d been back in the old nightmare of childhood, hemmed in by silence and misunderstanding. It was a prison from which she’d hoped she’d escaped, but suddenly the walls had been there again. Now she was struggling with herself. She didn’t want to return to that prison, and yet Joey’s need was so great…

What was she thinking of? she wondered. This was one brief visit, and then she would never see either Joey or his father again.

She was bitterly disillusioned by Carson. Was it only yesterday that she’d thought she detected charm and kindness beneath his gruff manners? Goodness, had she been wrong about that!

The truth about him was that he was as prejudiced about deafness as anyone else, and furious at the fate that had given him a deaf child. To blazes with him! she thought stormily.

She realised that the little boy was trying to catch her attention, spelling out some words. She answered with her fingers, and they chatted in silence for the rest of the journey.

She soon recognised the part of London where they were heading. It was a place where rich men chose to live to show their status, with broad, tree-lined streets and large detached dwellings standing well back from the road. She’d once arranged the purchase of a house like one of these, and knew that they cost a million.

At last they slowed outside the largest mansion in the street, and Carson turned into the sweeping, curved drive and past the trees that hid the house from passers-by.

‘Normally Mrs Saunders would be here,’ he explained as he opened the front door. ‘She runs everything and looks after Joey when he’s not at school, but at the last moment she needed the day off, which is why I had to take him with me.’

‘Yes, I could tell you weren’t very experienced in looking after him,’ Gina said wryly.

They had stepped into a large hall with polished wooden floors and a broad staircase. The house was pleasant, with tall windows, and through the open doors she could see sunlit rooms. It might have been a lovely place to live, but to Gina’s eyes there was something unwelcoming about it. It was spotless, and everything was of the best. But it wasn’t a home to the two people who lived here, each trapped in his own isolation.

She was beginning to be worried by the looks Joey gave her, and the way he held her hand, as though she was vital to him. She mustn’t be. She could only do her best for him and pass on.

Yet she couldn’t help remembering the way people had come and gone in her own childhood, the feeling that here was someone who understood, only to find them vanished in a week.

Joey was pulling her hand, urging her out towards the garden. She followed him, with Carson bringing up the rear. It was a large, beautiful place, with magnificent lawns and flowerbeds. But Joey had no time for their beauties. He almost dragged Gina to a large pond where fat fish idled around. He pointed each out in turn, and chatted about them with his fingers.

‘He’s very interested in fish,’ Carson said, catching up with them. There was an undertone of desperation in his voice, as though he was making conscientious efforts, but wasn’t sure what came next.

Gina noted the effort, but still blamed him. Joey had been his son for several years, and he ought to be able to cope better than this.

Joey left them for a moment to go around to the far side of the pool and study the water. He was frowning and his concentration was so intense that he looked like a little professor.

‘Why doesn’t Philip Hale like you?’ Carson asked suddenly. ‘It’s more than you told me yesterday, isn’t it?’

‘Yes. He considers me “disabled” and he can’t handle that. Some people can’t cope with anyone out of the ordinary.’ She regarded him levelly.

‘Was that meant for me?’ he demanded.

‘Would it be true?’

‘You evidently think so. You don’t like people who make snap judgements, do you? But today you judged me and found me wanting very quickly. No mitigating circumstances, no “let’s learn all the facts”. Just “off with his head”.’

There was just enough truth in that to make her uncomfortable.

‘Carson, please don’t think I’m not grateful to you for saving my job. It was decent of you, after the things I said to you.’

‘A simple matter of justice,’ he said coolly. ‘Besides, you can be useful to me.’