Holiday Illusion

“Yes sir, I’ve had a question that’s been bothering me for the last three years or so, and I’ve finally decided to ask it.”

“Very well. What is it?” Typical. Straight to the point. No, how are you? Where’ve you been? What have you been doing with your life since you’ve been gone? Old hurt and new anger shot through him.

“Did you really mean it when you said it should have been me that died in the fire instead of Lance?”

TWO

Anna sat by the bedside of the sick boy, praying like she’d never prayed before. For Paulo, for herself, for Lucas. And for the strength to face her fear. She would not think about the past right now. Ella would be back in a few minutes. She’d taken a short break to run a few personal errands before ensconcing herself by Paulo’s side.

Reaching for the backpack Anna carried in lieu of a purse, she grabbed her Bible and turned to the verse that had become her mantra over the last four years. God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. She whispered the verse to herself, praying, God, I know the time has come to face the past, but I’ve got to be honest with You. I’m scared. Really, really scared…and I don’t want to be. Don’t let the fear handicap me. Could You please keep Your hand of protection on whatever it is I’m getting myself back into?

“Hey.”

She looked up to see Lucas standing in the door looking rumpled and wonderful, his reddish-blond hair windblown…or maybe it was messy from the number of times he’d shoved his fingers through it. No matter. He still looked good, safe, a comfort zone. She wondered what he’d do if she ran to him and threw her arms around him. Better not find out. Instead, she cleared her throat and asked, “Hey, yourself. Did you get your errand run?”

When his jaw started twitching, she figured that was the wrong question to ask.

“Something like that,” he muttered. “More like an overdue phone call.”

“Ah.” She refused to press. He’d tell her eventually; he always did. At least he used to. “What did Mark say?”

“He agrees we need to change two of Paulo’s meds. There are newer, more effective ones on the market now. I didn’t even know about them until two weeks ago.” He shook his head. “I’ve been out of touch too long.”

“Lucas, you can’t blame yourself. Paulo arrived on our doorstep as sick as any child I’ve ever seen. But he seemed perfectly healthy after recovering from that virus. There’s no way any of us could have known it affected his heart.”

“Mentally, I know that. I did the best I could. But still…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I can’t help wondering if I missed something, should have suggested bringing him to the U. S. sooner.”

“Brazil is so far behind in health care. If you hadn’t acted as you did, Paulo would be gone by now. Unfortunately, he’s a product of his country…and very, very blessed that you were there when he needed you.”

Lucas slipped an arm around her shoulders for a squeeze then let her go. “Thanks. You always know the right thing to say.”

Anna blinked. Not that she and Lucas hadn’t shared a friendly hug or two, but it always surprised her. He wasn’t normally the most demonstrative person. Growing up in a strict British household, he’d told her affectionate moments were few and far between.

“Sure,” she gulped. “You’re welcome.”

Lucas leaned over Paulo one more time while Anna stepped to the side, eyeing the phone on the nightstand by the bed. She took a deep breath, wondering if she should call Justin and just…check in. Let him know she was back in the States; get an update on de Chastelain. The old adage keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer ran through her mind.

“What’s going on in that head of yours, Anna?”

Lucas’s insightful question startled her. Chewing her lip, she debated how much she could tell him. She could just shrug the question off, but found herself wanting him to know. Wanting to confide in him. Open up to him. Carrying her burden alone had become so tiresome. “I was just thinking about how I ended up in Brazil. I told you a little about it.”

“You just said you had to get away from home for a while. That you’d witnessed a crime and didn’t feel safe.”

“Right, well, it’s a little more in-depth than that.”

“Okay.” He held out his hand. “Why don’t we walk down to the cafeteria and get a bite to eat. You can explain over our savory hospital food.”

Anna was about to agree when the door opened. Dr. Mark Priestly entered, followed by an orderly pushing a gurney. “I thought Paulo might like a roommate. Sometimes it can get awfully lonely when you can’t get out of bed. The television will probably get old fast.”

A boy about Paulo’s age lay on the gurney. Wide green eyes took in his new surroundings. A shock of red hair stood on end and the freckles on his pasty white cheeks appeared three-dimensional. The portable heart monitor rode in front of him, the oxygen tube blended into his face. A worried mother, the last to enter the room, was in her early thirties and the feminine version of her son.

Mark spoke up. “Missy, I’d like to introduce you to some friends of mine. This is Anna Freeman and Lucas Bennett. They’re here with Paulo who’s over there sleeping.” He gestured toward the newcomers. “This is Missy and Andy Spears. Andy’s waiting on a new heart, too. He’s ten.”

Anna shook the woman’s hand. “I wish it were under other circumstances, but it’s nice to meet you.”

Giving a wan smile, Missy shrugged. “I’m just glad Andy will have someone to talk to…when he feels like talking. He seems to be getting weaker all the time.” Tears appeared but didn’t fall. Just as quickly, they were gone. Anna suspected Missy probably went through this many times during her days—and nights.

“I know Paulo will appreciate it. I’m sure the two of them will hit it right off, although Paulo is very weak, too. I don’t know how much talking he’ll do.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Missy stroked her son’s red hair. “As long as he’s willing to listen, my Andy will keep the conversation going.”

“Okay guys,” Mark said from the door. “I’m off to check on other patients, but let me know if there’s anything else you need. I’ll be back this afternoon.”

“Thanks, Dr. Priestly,” Missy all but whispered, and sat on the bed beside her son who was fumbling with the remote.

Lucas waved to Missy and stepped outside to speak privately with Mark. Anna turned to Missy. “We were just going down to grab a bite to eat. Would you like to join us?” Although she really needed to talk to Lucas alone, she felt sorry for the sad-eyed mom.

“No, we’re fine. I’ll stay here with Andy. Thanks, though.”

“Anytime. I’m sure I’ll see you later.”

Stepping from the room, she was just in time to watch Mark disappear around the corner at the end of the hall. Turning to Lucas, she said, “Ready now?”

“Ready.”

Anna took a bite of her chicken salad sandwich eyeing Lucas while she chewed. How much should she tell him? What would he think about her when he found out? She dropped her focus to her plate.

Lucas set his cheeseburger aside and raised a red-tinged golden brow. “So?”

“All right, here goes. I’m an ex-FBI agent. I quit four years ago, signed my resignation and never looked back.” At least not any more than I could help.

Shock seemed to hold Lucas captive. She went on before he could ask the questions she saw gathering on his lips. “A little over four years ago, I was working undercover as an au pair for a wealthy, big-name family here in Rocking Wave Beach. It was supposed to be a routine sting operation. I was there to get information about this guy who was involved in all kinds of bad stuff. It was a well-known fact that he worked from home, and our main target was his office computer. Anyway, I waited until my ‘employer’ left for a business meeting in India. I got on his computer and went to work.” Talking about Chastelain was hard for her.

“I think you left a few details out of the many talks we had in Brazil.” He cleared his throat. “So what did you find?”

“Nothing.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing terribly incriminating. Not for the big stuff we were after. There were a lot of e-mails containing numbers. Written almost in something like code.”

“What did that mean?”

“I wasn’t sure, but I had a gut feeling it had to do with money. I needed one of our analysts to go over them, so I forwarded them to her, then erased my ‘footprints.’ I just had to take the chance he wouldn’t realize someone had been on his computer. Later, we figured out the numbers were the ones entered into a set of books. Doctored books.”

“And that’s how you guys were able to arrest him? For illegal books?”

“Yes, but I wanted more. I knew there was more. He was reportedly into all kinds of things. Thanks to another agent, we had pictures of de Chastelain meeting with a member of one of the top crime families in South Carolina. Anyway, I finally cracked his safe open and found the books. There were two sets. One was a record of income from the legitimate side of his import/export business, the second set of books held doctored numbers. That’s the income that was reported to the IRS. The other one kept up with what they really brought in. Anyway, by the end of the investigation, the only thing he was able to be charged with was tax evasion.” She shook her head, took a sip of her soda. “I had a small microphone planted in his office, but he never mentioned murder, gun running, or the transporting of illegal aliens from Mexico to Texas, then on to South Carolina—at least not in a way that we could pin a charge on him. But he did brag about stealing the IRS blind.”

Lucas looked a little green. She placed a hand over his. “Are you all right?”

“I’m not sure. Is there more?”

“Yes.”

“How much?”

“Dr. Lucas!”

They turned as one to see the nurse rushing toward them.

Anna’s heart stopped. Paulo.

Nurse Lindsey, the woman assigned to Paulo, said breathlessly, “Paulo’s in cardiac arrest. They’re working on him now.”

Anna and Lucas bolted from the cafeteria and took off down the corridor.

Arriving at Paulo’s room, they found him surrounded by medical staff but still alive. Machines whirred, Mark barked orders, nurses jumped…and Paulo fought like a trouper.

Anna felt tears clog her throat. How did she pray? If she prayed for a heart for Paulo, she was praying for someone else to die. Shutting her eyes, she told the Lord, It’s in Your hands, God, whatever You decide is best.

For the next hour, she and Lucas paced and she prayed. Finally, Mark came out to tell them that Paulo was bouncing back and would be in good hands for now but said in all seriousness, “I hope he gets a heart soon. He doesn’t have much longer without it.” Lucas followed Mark back into the room, leaving Anna to wilt against the wall.

Relief battled grief. Relief that the little boy had pulled through this setback and grief that another person would have to die for Paulo to live.

Then she realized something. And the sudden glaring insight into her character slugged her in the gut, leaving her breathless, nearly gasping out loud. She stumbled to a chair and dropped into it, staring into space, seeing nothing but the past four years of her life.

Then in crystal clarity she saw how hard Paulo fought, pushing through his fear, battling the odds that were against him, conquering one obstacle after another—with faith and courage—and sheer bulldog stubbornness. She’d often thought how brave he was, been amazed at his willingness to never give up, been brought to her knees at his incredible, unconditional love for the God who created him.

But she had never realized what a coward she’d become.

Until now.

And with that same discerning eye, she now saw what she had to do if she ever wanted to be free of the fear that held her captive.

Oh Lord, tell me no. And yet, how can I say I have faith when I live in fear?

One way or another she was going to have to find that evidence. The evidence that she knew was there, somewhere in de Chastelain’s house. That was why she was here. And, she blew out a breath in disbelief, God had used a sick little boy and a caring doctor, to get her here.

Still stunned at her self-realization and what God was asking her to do, she sat there in a fog of thought trying to decide what she should do first. Where should she start?

The little rush of excitement took her by surprise. Oh, it didn’t overpower the all-consuming fear, but it was there—that feeling she used to get before venturing out on a new case. For the next thirty minutes, she sat in the hospital waiting room, praying, formulating a plan. She was going to catch a murderer. After four years, she was going to complete her case.

De Chastelain.

A short phone call later to Justin Michaels, her former supervisor, informed him of her impending arrival. He’d been blown away to hear that she was actually right here in his city and was definitely anxious to talk to her.

Slipping from the room, she planned to catch a cab to the FBI headquarters branch office downtown. Part of her dreaded returning to that place, yet another part of her was anxious to see if revisiting the location where she’d been shot would enable her to put the nightmare to rest.

Only one way to find out.

“Where are you going?”

Lucas’s voice startled her. She turned, gulped at the effect he had on her blood pressure, ignored it for the umpteenth time, and said, “I’m going to call a cab. I need to go see my former supervisor, Justin Michaels, and figure out if we can pull together a plan to put de Chastelain away for good—before he gets released.”

“I’ll go with you. I’ve got the rental, remember?”

“I can take a cab, and besides, I’d rather you not go.”

“Well, too bad. I’m going. Paulo’s stable and being carefully monitored. I’ve got my cell, and the hospital will call if I’m needed. I’ve got no reason not to go.”

“Lucas, that’s crazy. I don’t even know…I mean…”

“Exactly what are you trying to say, Anna?”

“It could be dangerous and I don’t want you involved if I’m putting myself back into the line of fire.”

THREE

He stilled, keys swinging from his fingers. “‘Back in the line of fire’?”

Anna snapped her mouth shut. Oh, Lord, he’s been my best friend for close to three years. Don’t let him do something stupid like think he has to try to help…or stop me from doing what I need to do. She was well aware the only reason their relationship hadn’t gone beyond friendship was because of his attitude toward God…and the fact that she hadn’t quite put her past to rest. But she also knew the “more than friendship” feelings were right there waiting to burst forth and make themselves known.

Tucking the keys back in his pocket, he placed his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. Brown eyes stared down at her. She swallowed hard as he demanded, “Anna, what do you mean, ‘back in the line of fire’?”

Tears welled, and she blinked them back. “Four years ago, I was…under special protection.” In the hospital recovering from a bullet wound and an emergency hysterectomy while the person who’d shot her got away clean, but she left out those details. “The two FBI agents assigned to guard me…died. They died protecting me, okay? I can’t let anyone else get in the way, put themselves in the path of this killer. Especially not you.”

His eyes glinted at that last part, but he didn’t address it. Instead he asked, “What else is there, Anna? What else were you going to tell me down in the cafeteria before we were interrupted?”

Glancing at her watch, she grimaced. How much should she say? Justin would be waiting for her, but she couldn’t just walk out on Lucas. Spying two chairs down the hall, she nodded toward them, talking as they sat. “I knew de Chastelain was into much more than just tax evasion. I couldn’t leave it alone. So, I decided to give it one more shot. My ‘employer’ was still supposedly in India. His wife was at a party and the kids were in bed. I went down to his office to do one last search, but I heard a noise in the living room. Thinking one of the children might be up, I went to check it out, but as I got closer, I realized it was voices belonging to several men. No one was supposed to be in that house but me, the kids and the live-in housekeeper who slept on the third floor. Now here were these strange men in the living room and I had two kids to protect. Just as I was about to call 911, I heard some grunts, a yell, harsh breathing. Then I heard, ‘Get rid of him.’”

“Oh, Anna…”

“I peeked around the corner to see my employer, obviously not in India, bending over the body holding a knife. He must have flown home that day without letting anyone know. I decided to get out of there. There was no way I could take on all of them and live to tell about it. Backup would take too long. I fled, but must have made some noise because I heard someone coming. The closest room was his office. I slipped in and hid under the desk.”

Lucas shut his eyes as though he couldn’t bear the picture she was painting. “When I scrambled under the desk, I heard something. A buzzing noise. It was coming from a little hidden drawer up under the far corner of the desk. I pulled it open and found a BlackBerry. I just knew that this was the evidence we’d been looking for. There was an e-mail waiting to be read—the buzzing sound I’d heard—so I clicked on it. It was asking if the ‘deed had been done.’ I assumed the ‘deed’ was the dead body I’d just seen. Anyway, I read enough to know that this could put the man away for a good long time, palmed the memory card, shoved the device back into the drawer and caught my breath. Then the door opened.”

Now Lucas looked a little mad. “I can’t believe you haven’t told me this during the three years we’ve known each other. What happened?”

Dropping her head to her hands, she muttered through her fingers, “I tried to forget it, Lucas.” Looking up, she added, “And it’s not like I didn’t want to tell you. I just didn’t want to relive it. I haven’t talked about it in four years. The only person I’ve had contact with is Justin. And it’s not like you’ve told me every last detail of your life, either.” He looked away and she knew she’d scored a direct hit. Hmm…he was hiding his own secrets. She refused to feel bad for not baring her soul. “Anyway, when the door opened, I knew I had to get rid of that card. If he caught me and decided to have me searched, I was dead.”

“Anna, that’s…”

“I know.” She waved him off. She couldn’t deal with the pain, the sympathy, the fear for her that he had written in his eyes. Reciting the details of that night wasn’t so difficult as long as she kept an emotional distance from it, as if she were talking about a past case that held nothing personal for her. But if he started showing concern, she’d lose what little control she had over her fear and her emotions. “I’ve been checking up on him, keeping tabs on the results of our sting, waiting to see if they ever found enough evidence to try him for murder, but just recently Justin said he’s on his way out. He told me they never found any other evidence on him and certainly nothing to indicate a murder ever happened.”

“So what happened when he opened the door to the office?”

“I had to get rid of the card. There was an umbrella stand right there by the desk, so I dropped it in there.”

“Did de Chastelain see you there at the house? Does he know you saw him holding the knife?”

She shook her head. “No way. I realized I’d be next if they knew what I’d seen. I was in shock at the way things had gone down, but thinking clearly. Someone opened the door only seconds after I replaced the BlackBerry into its hiding place. I pretended to be searching for something for one of the children, making a lot of noise, muttering to myself, acting like I was completely unaware of anything else but my search. If questioned, I would explain that I had just tucked the kids in. Andrew couldn’t sleep without his pacifier. The reality was I had one in my pocket. So, I pulled it out and tossed it into the corner near the desk.

“Anyway,” she continued as Lucas listened intently, “I knew my time to run was short. There were security cameras all over the house. What if one of them caught me standing outside that office door? I didn’t have to get the card. I could only hope the books would be enough for a search warrant, which would result in finding the card.”

“So, what did you do?”

“I grabbed the books, walked out the front door and took off. I went straight to my supervisor and told them what I saw, that my cover was blown. Because just as soon as de Chastelain checked his BlackBerry and discovered the missing card, I was toast. We threw together a team and got a search warrant, but by the time they raided the house, they found nothing. The card was gone, but de Chastelain was furious with me for turning over his books. I was under FBI protection when someone tried to kill me. Two agents assigned to protect me were killed, I escaped through a fluke, flew off to Brazil. End of story.” She didn’t bother telling him that she’d been shot coming out of the FBI headquarters and had gotten the rest of the story after she’d awakened from surgery. The words just wouldn’t come yet.

“I don’t think so.”

“Well, it’s all you’re going to get for now. I need to get going.”

“All right, let’s go.”

Everything about him shouted he was going with her whether she liked it or not. She didn’t, but could see she’d have no choice in the matter. Fine, he could come to the meeting…then she’d find a way to ditch him. For his own good.

Anna told Lucas she’d meet him at the car, but had to visit the ladies’ room first. Entering the restroom, she walked to the sink to stare at the mirror above it. The room was empty, echoing every sound she made. Her breathing sounded harsh in her ears while her blood thrummed through her veins and her heart beat in rhythm to the pounding in her head.

Dumping those memories in Lucas’s lap had felt…freeing somehow. And yet, at the same time, it brought even more clearly into focus her fears, and the turmoil she’d lived with for the past four years rumbled back to the surface, making her into a boiling pot of emotions. She’d needed a moment to get herself together before going to see Justin, because coming face-to-face with her former supervisor was going to bring back even more unpleasant memories. Memories she’d rather leave buried. Unfortunately, that wasn’t an option.

Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly. Hearing the door whoosh open behind her, she scooted into a stall, not wanting to paste on a false smile or look anyone in the eye. Locking the door behind her, she leaned against it, still lost in fighting her reaction to the memories, the fear that wanted to surface and take over.

Footsteps sounded, stopping first in front of the row of sinks, then moving toward the stalls. Her senses tuned in and she stilled, zeroing in on the sound. The steps moved heavily, sounded clunky. Steps like a man might make. She froze, then turned sideways to peer through the crack. Broad shoulders, muscles, definitely a man. She caught a brief glimpse of dark pants, a white shirt. Hiking boots? Then the person entered the stall next to her. Wrong restroom or something more?

Anna shivered, swallowed hard as she acknowledged her only protection right now was a thin metal door. She hadn’t wished for a gun in four years. Today, she did. Why was she so nervous? No one knew she was here.

Adrenaline flowed freely as she pondered what to do. Should she call out? Speak? Call Lucas on her cell phone? Justin? Shifting her backpack, she set it on the back of the commode, keeping her eye on the crack in the stall.

Fingers fumbled for the phone.

Hard metal touched the back of her head. She froze. Dropped her purse. Heart pounding, fear exploding, she remembered the feel of a bullet piercing her stomach. The bullet hitting her was memory. The feel of the gun on her skull wasn’t. Gritting her teeth, she couldn’t do anything about the shaking as she forced the words from her mouth. “What do you want?”