Reluctant Father

“Okay.” She ran to the other racks and started looking through them.

“Is it normal for them to be so clothes conscious at this age?” Blake asked, turning his attention to Meredith.

“I don’t know,” she said uncomfortably. His unblinking green-eyed gaze was making her remember too much pain. “I haven’t been around children very much. I must go….”

He touched her arm, and was astonished to find that she jerked away from his touch and stared fully at him with eyes that burned with resentment and pain and anger.

“So, you haven’t forgotten,” he said under his breath.

“Did you really think I ever would?” she asked on a shaky laugh. “You were the reason I never came back here. I almost didn’t come this time, either, but I was tired of hiding.”

He didn’t know what to say. Her reaction was unexpected. He’d imagined that she might have some bitterness, but not this much. He searched what he could see of her face, looking for something he knew he wasn’t going to find anymore.

“You’ve changed,” he said quietly.

Her eyes looked up into his, and there was a flash of cold anger there. “Oh, yes, I’ve changed. I’ve grown up. That should reassure you. I won’t be chasing after you like a lovesick puppy this time.”

The reference stung, and she’d meant it to. He’d accused her of chasing him and more, after the reading of the will.

But being reminded of the past only made him bitter, and he hit back. “Thank God,” he said with a mocking smile. “Could I have that in writing?”

“Go to hell,” she said under her breath.

That, coming from shy little Meredith, floored him. He didn’t even have a comeback.

Sarah came running up with an armload of things. “Look, aren’t they pretty! Can I have them all?” she asked the scowling man beside Meredith.

“Sure,” he said absently.

Meredith turned away from him, smiling. It was the first time in memory that she’d ever fought back—or for that matter, said anything to him that wasn’t respectful and worshipful. What a delightful surprise to find he no longer intimidated her.

“Ready to go?” Meredith asked Elissa.

“Sure am. See you, Blake!”

“But you can’t go.” Sarah ran to Meredith and caught her skirt. “You’re my friend.”

The child couldn’t know how that hurt—to have Blake’s child, the child she might have borne him, cling to her. She knelt in front of Sarah, disengaging the small hand. “I have to go now. But I’ll see you again, Sarah. Okay?”

Sarah looked lost. “You’re nice. Nobody else smiles at me.”

“Mrs. Jackson will smile at you tonight, I promise,” Blake told the child. “Or she’ll never smile again,” he added under his breath.

“You don’t smile,” Sarah accused him.

“My face would break,” he assured her. “Now get your things and we’ll go home.”

She sighed. “Okay.” She looked up at Meredith. “Will you come to see me?”

Meredith went white. Go into that house again, where Blake had humiliated and hurt her? God forbid!

“You can come to see Danielle, Sarah,” Elissa interrupted, and Meredith knew then that Elissa had heard the whole story from King. She was running interference, bless her.

“Who’s Dan—Danielle?” Sarah asked.

“My daughter. She’s four.”

“I’m almost four,” Sarah said. “Can she say nursery rhymes? I know all of them. ‘Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty—’”

“I’ll give your Daddy a call and he can bring you down to Bess’s house, where Meredith is staying. Bess is my sister-in-law, and Danielle and I go to see her sometimes.”

“I’d like to have a friend,” Sarah agreed. “Could we do that?” she asked her father.

Blake was watching Meredith shift uncomfortably. “Sure we can,” he said, just to irritate her.

Meredith turned away, her heart going like an overwound watch, her eyes restless and frightened. The very last thing she wanted was to have to cope with Blake.

“Bye, Merry!” Sarah called.

“Goodbye, Sarah Jane,” she murmured, and forced a smile, but she wouldn’t look at Blake.

He said the appropriate things as Elissa followed Meredith out the door, but the fact that Meredith wouldn’t look at him cut like a knife.

He watched Meredith climb in under the wheel of the red Porsche. It didn’t seem like the kind of car she’d drive, but she wasn’t the girl she’d been. His eyes narrowed. He wondered if she was still as innocent as before, or if some man had taught her all the sweet ways to make love. His face hardened at the thought. No one had touched her until he had. But he’d been rough and he’d frightened her. He hadn’t really meant to. The feel and taste of her had knocked him off balance, and at the time he hadn’t been experienced himself. Nina had been his first woman, but his first real intimacy, even if it had been relatively chaste, had been with Meredith. Even after all the years in between, he could feel her mouth, taste its sweetness. He could see the soft alabaster of her breasts when he’d unbuttoned the top of her dress. He groaned silently. That was when he’d lost his senses—seeing her like that. He wondered if she knew how green he’d been in those days, and decided that she was too inexperienced herself to realize it. He’d wanted Meredith to the point of madness, and things had just gotten out of hand. But to a shy young virgin, his ardor must have seemed frightening.

He turned back to his daughter with memories of the past darkening his eyes. It seemed so long ago that the rain had found him in the stable and Meredith had come in looking for his uncle….

Chapter 3

It had been late spring that day five years ago, and Blake had been helping one of the men doctor a sick horse in the stable. Meredith had come along just in time to see the second man leave. Blake was still there. She’d come to ask where his uncle was, but it was a rainy day, and she and Blake had been caught in the barn while it stormed outside.

Blake had hungrily watched Meredith as she stood on her tiptoes to look toward the house. She was wearing a white sundress that buttoned up the front, and as she stretched, every line of her body had been emphasized and her dress had ridden up, displaying most of her long legs.

The sight of those slim, elegant legs and the sensuous curve of her body had caught him in the stomach like a body blow, and he’d stood there staring. It shouldn’t have affected him. He had Nina, who was blond and beautiful and who loved him. Meredith was plain and shy and not at all the kind of woman who could attract him. But as he’d looked at her, his body had quickened and the shock of it had moved him helplessly toward where she stood in the wide doorway, just out of the path of the rain.

Meredith had heard him, or perhaps sensed him, because she turned, her eyes faintly covetous before she lowered them. “It’s really coming down, isn’t it?” she asked hesitantly. “I was just about to go home, but I needed to ask your Uncle Dan some more questions.”

“You’re always around these days,” he’d remarked, half-angry because his body was playing cruel tricks on him.

She’d blushed. “He’s helping me with some articles for the school paper, and I’m going to do a book with the same information,” she’d begun.

“Book!” He scoffed at that. “You’re barely twenty. What makes you think you’ve learned enough to write books? You haven’t even started to live.”

Her head came up and there had been a flash of anger in her pale gray eyes, which was instantly disguised. “You make me sound like a toddler.”

“You look like one occasionally,” he remarked with faint humor, noting the braid of her hair, which she’d tied with a ribbon. “And I’m almost twelve years older than you are.” He pushed away from the barn door, noticing the faint hunger in her face as he went toward her.

The hunger was what touched him. It hadn’t occurred to him that women besides Nina might find him physically attractive. He had that damned scar down one cheek, thanks to Meredith, and it made him look like a renegade. His arrogance didn’t soften the impression.

He looked down his nose at Meredith when he was less than a foot from her, watching the expressions play across her face. It was a pretty good bet that she was innocent, and if she’d been kissed, probably it hadn’t been often or seriously. That, at least, made him feel confident. She didn’t have anyone to compare him with.

His eyes went to her soft bow of a mouth, and with an impulse he didn’t even understand at the time, he tilted her chin up with a lean hand and bent to brush his lips over hers.

“Blake…!” she gasped.

He hadn’t known if it was fear or shock…hadn’t cared. The first contact with her mouth had caused a frightening surge of desire in his lean body. “Don’t back away now,” he bit off against her soft lips. “Come here.”

He’d pulled her against him and his mouth had grown rough and hungry. Even now, five years later, he could feel the soft yielding of her body in his arms, smell the scent of her as she strained upward and gave him her mouth with such warm eagerness. He could hear the rain beating on the stable roof, and the soft sounds of a cow settling down in the darkness beyond where they stood silhouetted against the driving rain.

Blake had been amazed by the tentative response he got from her lips. That shy nibbling drove him over the edge. He eased her back against the wall of the barn, out of sight, with his mouth still covering hers. Then he let his body slide down against her so that his hips were pressing feverishly against hers, his chest crushing her soft young breasts.

He felt her quickened breathing, heard the soft “no!” as he felt for and found one firm breast and touched it through her clothing. The feel of her made him wild. He remembered the white-hot flames that had consumed him with the intimate touch. He’d wanted her with a shuddering passion and his mouth had grown more and more demanding. She gave in to him all at once, her body relaxing, shivering, her mouth shyly responding. His tongue pushed gently inside her lips and she stiffened, but she didn’t try to pull away.

Confident now, his fingers worked at buttons and he lifted his head just fractionally to look down at what they uncovered. Her breasts were bare under the dress and he groaned as he bent to brush his mouth against them. He felt her gasp and her hands gripped his arms hard. The silky taste of her body stripped him of control entirely, the feel of her skin against his face made him wild. His hands grew roughly intimate in passion and his mouth closed hungrily over one firm breast.

What might have happened then was anyone’s guess. He hardly heard Meredith’s frantic voice. It wasn’t until he caught the sound of a car driving up that his sanity returned.

He lifted his head, breathing fiercely, in time to see Meredith’s eyes full of fear. He realized belatedly what he’d done. He took a sharp breath and levered himself back up, away from her, his body in torment with unsatisfied desire, his eyes smoldering as they met hers.

She blushed furiously as she fumbled buttons into buttonholes, making herself decent again. And only then did he realize how intimate the embrace had gotten. He didn’t know what had possessed him. He’d frightened her and himself, because it was the first time he’d ever lost control like that. But, then, he hadn’t been experienced, he realized now. Not until he and Nina were married. His first taste of sensual pleasure had been with Meredith that day in the stable.

He didn’t speak—he was too shocked. The sudden arrival of his uncle had been a godsend at the time, but later it dawned on him that his uncle had guessed what had happened between Blake and Meredith and had altered his will to capitalize on it. His favorite godchild and his nephew—he would have considered them a perfect match. But Blake hadn’t thought of it at the time. He’d been so drunk on Meredith’s soft mouth that he’d almost gone after her when she mumbled some excuse and ran out into the rain as he and his uncle watched her.

Then, within days, his uncle was dead of a heart attack. Blake had been crushed. The sense of loneliness he felt when it happened was almost too great for words. Meredith had been around, with her parents, but he’d hardly noticed with Nina clinging to him, pretending sympathy. And then, suddenly they were reading the will. Blake was engaged to Nina, but still trying to cope with the turbulent emotions Meredith had aroused in him. The will was read, and he learned that Uncle Dan had left twenty percent of the stock in his real estate companies to Meredith. The only way Blake could have it would be by marrying her.

He had forty-nine percent of the stock, but his cousins had thirty-one shares between them. And although one of the cousins down in Texas would have sided with him in a proxy fight if Meredith sided against him, he could lose everything. Nina had laughed. He still remembered the look on her face as she scrutinized Meredith in a manner too contemptuous for words.

Blake had done much worse. The realization that his uncle had tried to control his life even from the grave and the embarrassment of having his haughty cousins snicker at him was just too much.

“Marry her?” he’d said slowly after the will had been read, rising out of his chair to confront Meredith in the dead silence that followed. “My God, marry that plain, dull, shadow of a woman? I’d rather lose the real estate companies, the money and my left leg than marry her!” He’d moved closer to Meredith, watching her cringe and go pale at the humiliation of having him say those things so loudly in front of the family. “No dice, Meredith,” he said with venom. “Take the stock and go to hell with it. I don’t want you!”

He’d expected her to burst into tears and run out of the room, but she hadn’t. Deathly pale, shaking so hard she could barely stand, she lowered her eyes, turned away and walked out with dignity far beyond her twenty years. It had shamed him later to remember her stiff pride and his own loss of control that had prompted the outburst. The cousin from Texas had glared at him with black eyes and walked out without another word, leaving him alone with Nina and the other cousins, who subsequently filed suit to take control of the real estate companies from him.

But Nina had smiled and clung to him and promised heaven, because she was sure he’d get the stock back somehow. She’d advised him to talk to the lawyer.

He had. But the only way to get the stock back, apparently, was to marry Meredith or break the will. Both were equally impossible.

He was still smoldering when he found Meredith coming out the back door. She’d been in the kitchen saying goodbye to Mrs. Jackson.

She was pale and unusually quiet, and she looked as if she didn’t want to stop. But he’d gotten in front of her in the deserted, shaded backyard and refused to let her pass.

“I don’t want the shares,” she said, without looking at him. “I never did. I knew nothing about what your uncle had planned, and I wouldn’t have gone through with it if I had.”

“Wouldn’t you?” he demanded coldly. “Maybe you saw a chance to marry a rich man. Your family is poor.”

“There are worse things than being poor,” she replied quietly. “And people who marry for money earn it, as you’ll find out one day.”

“I will?” He caught her arms roughly. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that Nina wants what you have, not what you are,” she replied with a sad smile.

“Nina loves me,” he said.

“No.”

“What does it matter to you, anyway?” he growled. “I haven’t been able to turn around without running into you for the past two months. You’re always here, getting in the way! What’s the matter, did you decide that one kiss wasn’t enough, and you’re hot for more?”

In fact, it had been the other way around. He’d wanted her so desperately that his mind had gone into hiding, behind the anger he used to disguise the hunger that was driving him mad.

He pulled her into his arms, angry at life and circumstances, ignoring her faint struggles. “God forbid that you should go away with nothing,” he added. And he kissed her with all his fury and frustration in his lips. He accused her of chasing him, of wanting his uncle’s money. And then he turned around and walked off, leaving her in tears.

His eyes closed as he came back to the present, hating the memory, hating his cruelty. He’d been a different man then, a colder, less feeling man. It had irritated him that Meredith disturbed him physically, that he could be aroused by the sound of her voice, by the sight of her. Because of what he thought he felt for Nina, he’d pushed his growing attraction to Meredith out of his mind. Nina loved him and Meredith just wanted what he had—or so he’d been sure at the time. Now he knew better, and it was too late.

Those few minutes he’d made love to Meredith in the stable that long-ago afternoon had been the sweetest and saddest of his entire life. He’d been cruel after the will was read because he’d felt betrayed by his uncle and by her. But he’d also been sad, because he wanted Meredith far more than Nina. He’d given his word to Nina that he was going to marry her, and honor made him stick to it. So he’d forced Meredith to run away to remove the temptation from his path. He’d known deep inside that he couldn’t have resisted Meredith much longer. And he had no right to her.

It struck him as odd that he’d lost control with Meredith. He’d never lost it with Nina, although he’d had a lukewarm kind of feeling for her that had grown out of her adoration and teasing. But what he’d felt with Meredith had been fire and storm. The last time he’d seen her, he’d raged at her that she’d tempted him by following him around like a lovesick puppy, and that had been the last straw. She’d run then, all right, and she hadn’t stopped. Not for five years. A week after she left, an attorney brought him the stock, legally signed over to him without a single request for money. Nina had been delighted, and she’d led him right to the altar. He’d been so cut up by his own conscience about what he’d done to Meredith that he hadn’t protested, even though his yen for Nina had all but left him.

He went through the motions of making love to Nina, but it wasn’t at all satisfying to him. And she always smiled at him so lovingly when they were in bed together. Smiling. Until the day the court battle started, initiated by his cousins, and he was backed into a corner that Nina didn’t think he’d get out of. So she left him and divorced him, and he’d had years to regret his own foolishness.

Meredith’s attitude toward him in the shop hadn’t really come as a surprise. He knew how badly he’d hurt her that day, frightened her. Probably she’d never had a lover or wanted one, because if appearances were anything to go by, he’d left some bad scars. He felt even guiltier about that. But it didn’t seem as if he were going to get close enough to tell her the truth about what had happened—even if his pride would allow it.

And anyway, she’d made her feelings about the house clear. She wouldn’t voluntarily set foot in it. He sighed heavily. Incredible, he thought, how a man could become his own worst enemy. Looking back, he knew his uncle had been right. If he’d married Meredith, she’d have loved him, and in time he might have been able to love her back. As things stood, that was something he’d never know.

* * *

Down the road at Bobby and Bess’s house, Meredith Calhoun was halfheartedly watching a movie on Bess’s VCR as she tried to come to grips with the unexpected confrontation with Blake.

She felt shaky inside. The sight of Blake, with his jet black hair, green eyes and arrogant, mocking smile, had twisted her heart. Over the years she’d tried to force herself to go out on dates, see other men. But it hadn’t worked. She couldn’t bear for any man to do more than kiss her, and even the kisses were bitter and unpleasant after Blake’s. One part of her was afraid of Blake because of what he’d done to her, but another part remembered the first kiss in the stable, the sweet, slow hunger that had flared between them like summer lightning. And because of that kiss, no other man had ever been able to stir her.

Blake’s daughter had come as the biggest surprise. Meredith hadn’t known about the child. It seemed, from what Elissa said, that nobody had. Sarah Jane was a quirk of fate, and she wondered if Blake still loved Nina. If he did, Sarah Jane would be a comfort to him. But when he’d said that Nina was dead, it had been without a scrap of emotion in his face or his eyes. He didn’t seem to care one way or another. That was strange, because he’d been so adamant about marrying Nina, so certain that she loved him.

Meredith got up, oblivious to the television, and began to wander restlessly around Bess’s big living room. She stopped in front of the picture window. Beyond it, on a rise a few hundred yards away, was Blake’s house. She sighed, remembering the happy times she’d had there before the will had been read. Blake had always seemed to resent her, but that day in the stable had been full of soft magic. Because of it, she’d actually expected something more from him than anger. She’d dreamed afterward that he’d left Nina and discovered that he loved Meredith and couldn’t live without her. Dreams.

She laughed with a new cynicism. That would be the day, when Blake Donavan would feel anything but dislike for her. He hadn’t been openly antagonistic today, but he’d verged on it just before she left the store. Sarah liked her and it was going to be difficult to keep the child at bay without hurting her. Meredith had a feeling that Sarah Jane’s young life hadn’t been a happy one. She didn’t act like a contented child, and apparently she’d only been with Blake and Mrs. Jackson for a day or so. Meredith had wondered why, but hadn’t dared ask Blake.

Sarah reminded her of herself at that age, a poor little kid from the wrong side of the tracks, with no brothers or sisters and parents who worked themselves into early graves trying to make a living with the sweat of their brows. Bess had been her only friend, and Bess had it even worse than she did at home. The two of them had become close as children and remained close as adults. So when Bess had invited Meredith, with Bobby’s blessing, to come and stay for a few weeks, she’d welcomed the rest from work and routine.

She hadn’t consciously considered that Blake was going to be a very big part of her visit. She’d actually thought she could come to Jack’s Corner without having to see him at all. Which was silly. King and Elissa and Bess and Bobby all knew him, and Blake and King were best friends. She wondered if maybe she’d rationalized things because of Blake, because she’d wanted to see him again, to see if her fears had been real or just manifestations of unrequited love and sorrow. She wanted to see if looking at him could still make her knees go weak and her heart run away.

Well, now she knew. It could. And if she had any sense of self-preservation, she was going to have to keep some distance from him. She couldn’t risk letting Blake get close to her heart a second time. Once had been enough—more than enough. She’d just avoid him, she told herself, and everything would be all right.

But avoiding him turned out to be a forlorn hope, because Sarah Jane liked Meredith and contrived to get her father to call Elissa about that visit she’d mentioned.

Blake listened to the request with mixed feelings. Sarah Jane was beginning to settle down a little, although she was still belligerent and not an overly joyful addition to the household. Mrs. Jackson was coping well enough, but she’d vanish the minute Blake came home from work, leaving him to try and talk to his sullen young daughter. He knew that the situation needed a woman’s touch, but Mrs. Jackson wasn’t the woman. Meredith already liked Sarah, and Sarah was drawn to her. If he could get Meredith to befriend the child, it would make his life easier. But in another way, he was uncertain about trying to force himself and Sarah on Meredith. After having seen how frightened she still was of him, how bitter she was about the past, he might open old wounds and rub salt in them. He didn’t want to hurt Meredith, but Sarah Jane was driving him nuts, and he needed help.