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‘I got that chick’s phone number,’ Benny grinned as they ambled back towards the home.

‘Which one?’ Smiffy asked.

‘The blonde with the big knockers. Her dad hates blacks, apparently, so I can’t pick her up from her house. I’m gonna take her to the pictures next weekend, though. We’ll sit in the back row, obviously,’ Benny chuckled.

Tommy took the packet of mints out of his pocket and ordered the lads to suck them. The effects of the alcohol had now worn off, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Ray would be waiting for them to arrive home. He always was.

‘Shit! Look, I got come all down me strides,’ Smiffy announced.

‘I’m surprised you even got a hard-on with that monster, let alone managed to come,’ Benny chuckled.

‘Yeah. She weren’t a looker, was she?’ Dumbo said. ‘But I wish I could have got a wank. All I got was a smack round the clock.’

The jovial banter continued for the rest of the short journey back to Shitlands. They rarely referred to their home as Maylands any more. It was their own private joke.

‘I can’t believe you didn’t ask Laura Higgins to dance at the end. I’d have been in there like a rat up a drainpipe if she’d been drooling over me all night. She’s hotter than a fucking gas cooker,’ Smiffy announced, playfully grabbing his best pal in a headlock. He and Tommy had been inseparable ever since Tommy had arrived at Maylands. Nobody beforehand had had the balls to stand up to that arsehole Wayne Bradley, but Tommy had. Smiffy had been extremely impressed by Tommy’s bravery. Though he’d only been tiny at the time, and as a result he’d lost the fight, Tommy had still given Bradley a run for his money and a shiner of a black eye.

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