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To have someone to hold at night.

Whoa! Where the hell had that come from?

Luke could manage being alone. He had to. Just as well he’d learned to bury the kind of emotional involvement that could make reality too hard to deal with. He might be back in a very different reality now but the ability to remain detached at some level was just as important. More important, maybe, given that he felt the despair of a meaningless existence pressing in on him from all sides.

He was looking into a future that had only one bright spot. His work. And Anna was trying to undermine it. Something like fear made him straighten and defend himself by attacking.

‘Are you suggesting I’m physically incapable of doing my job?’ He had her pinned with his gaze. ‘Hoping that it might prove too much and I’ll quietly go away and let you take over again?’

He saw her eyes widen and felt a flash of remorse at being so harsh. He also heard the swift intake of her breath but he didn’t give her time to speak. He couldn’t afford to back down. Admitting defeat wasn’t something Luke Davenport did willingly.

‘This is my home,’ he continued. ‘Where I live and where I work. Where my future is. I’m back and I have no desire to go anywhere else.’

Which one of them was he trying to convince here?

‘I wasn’t suggesting anything.’ Anna’s tone was clipped and very cool. ‘Maybe I was hoping there might be a satisfactory explanation for what happened in Theatre this morning. For your slow response to a significant bleed.’

A moment’s silence hung heavily between them. Not that Luke had any intention of denying the accusation or trying to excuse himself.

‘I lost focus,’ he admitted simply. ‘It won’t happen again.’

He saw the way her features softened at his honesty. She wanted to believe him. But he could also see confusion in the depths of those astonishing green eyes. What had he been thinking, attacking her for asking what had been a perfectly reasonable question? No wonder she felt torn.

‘Are you intending to report the incident?’

She held his gaze. She had courage, this woman.

‘Would you?’

‘Yes,’ Luke responded without hesitation. ‘Sloppy performance is never acceptable.’

Anna tilted her head in agreement but said nothing. They left the meeting room in silence. There seemed to be nothing more to be said.

So that was that. The subject was out in the open and he’d all but told her he expected it to be reported. All he had to do now was wait until someone, presumably Albert White or one of the other hospital administrators, came to have a little chat with him.

It didn’t happen the next day.

If anything, Luke got the impression that Anna hadn’t said anything at all about him that wasn’t complimentary, judging by comments made in the departmental meeting the next morning.

More than one member of the cardiology and cardiothoracic surgical staff said admiring things about Colin Herbert’s surgery. The congratulatory buzz when Roger’s case came up during the discussion on revised theatre lists was actually embarrassing.

Luke cut it short. ‘I had some very able assistance from Dr Bartlett,’ he told the group briskly. ‘And she’s the one with the real work to do with his CABG today.’

That coronary artery bypass grafting was well under way by the time Luke left his administrative tasks and headed for the theatre suite. He didn’t don a gown or mask and enter the theatre. Instead, he slipped quietly into the observation deck and sat, probably unnoticed, in the far corner. You could see what was going on and hear what was being said and, if you wanted, you could focus on one person and make judgments about their ability. Their personality even. That was why he had requested that the space be closed during his surgery yesterday. An unusual case would have attracted as many people as could have squeezed in here and, on some level, he would have been aware of it.

Anna wasn’t aware of him. He could watch every movement and hear every comment. He could feel the time and care she took with every meticulous stitch as she took the veins harvested from Roger’s legs and used them to make new conduits to take blood to where it was needed in the heart muscle. Her voice was as calm as her movements. She was polite in her requests and prepared to discuss anything with the anaesthetist or bypass machine technicians. She spoke frequently to her registrar as well, asking questions and explaining her own decisions. A natural teacher, then.

With a voice that he couldn’t imagine getting tired of listening to. Not when it was coupled with a brain that was clearly as focused but as flexible as her hands were. An impressive mix.

He stayed where he was only until the blood flow in the new coronary arteries was deemed acceptable and Roger was successfully taken off bypass. He would see Anna again today and maybe she would let him know who she had decided to speak to. He couldn’t pre-empt her by speaking to someone himself because that would make it a bigger issue than it actually was. It wasn’t going to happen again because he was in control now. Of every waking moment, at least.

But nothing more was said about it despite their paths crossing frequently when they shared a busy outpatient clinic and more than once during ward rounds and departmental meetings. By Friday, both Colin and Roger were on the ward and recuperating well and finally, late that afternoon, Luke got a call to the office of St Piran’s chief executive officer.

‘Luke.’ Albert White shook one hand and gripped Luke’s other shoulder at the same time. ‘I’m so sorry this has taken so long. It’s been a hectic week that included a day or two in London. Welcome back. It’s good to see you.’

‘It’s good to see you too.’ And it was, except that he could feel the distance between them. He’d been on another planet since he had last worked here. But Albert was a familiar face. Part of the anchor that Luke hoped to use to stabilise his life.

‘How’s the family?’

‘All well when I last heard any news.’

‘I was astonished to hear that your parents had taken off to New Zealand, of all places. I hear they’re living on a military base in North Island?’

‘They are indeed. Dad’s taken an administrative position. He calls it a semi-retirement but I can’t see him ever not being full-time army.’

‘No. And your older brother?’

‘Currently in Australia. Helping train their SAS.’

Albert shook his head. ‘Army family through and through. At least we’ve got one of the Davenport boys back again.’

‘Yes.’ The word was clipped. Luke didn’t want to discuss the ‘Davenport boy’ who would never make it back.

There was a moment’s silence, which seemed appropriate, and when Albert spoke again his tone was more serious, acknowledging so many things that were not going to be said.

‘How’s the leg?’

‘Oh, you know. Still attached. Still works. I’m not complaining.’

Albert chuckled. ‘Works pretty well from what I’ve been hearing. What’s with the commando techniques in the canteen? Leaping tall buildings on the agenda, too?’

Luke summoned a smile. ‘I don’t think so.’

‘Well done, anyway. I hear the chap’s doing really well.’

‘He is. Dr Bartlett did a quadruple bypass on him. She’s an excellent surgeon.’

‘She is indeed.’ The glance Luke received held a hint of relief. Any awkward subjects were being left well behind. ‘So things are working out, then? You two going to be able to work as a team?’

Luke couldn’t detect even a hint that the CEO might be fishing for any confessions regarding a bumpy start. Maybe he should say something about it himself but if Anna had chosen not to, perhaps he should respect her decision. Albert didn’t seem to notice that his silence was covering a moment of confusion.

‘Not that I expected any problems, but it was good to hear Anna singing your praises the other day. A pericardectomy, I hear?’

‘Urn … yes. First case. What did she say?’

‘That you did the entire procedure off bypass. That she was delighted to have the opportunity to learn something new.’

About the procedure? Or about him?

This meeting was nothing more than touching base. A welcome home.

‘Come and have dinner some time soon. Joan would love to catch up.’

‘Sure. Maybe when I’ve had time to find my feet properly.’ Luke hoped his vague acceptance would not seem rude but he wasn’t ready to get drawn into a segment of the St Piran’s community that knew his family so well. He wasn’t here because of the family connection. He was here because he’d had nowhere else to go.

Besides, he was getting into a routine now. An icy swim in the ocean at daybreak to chase away the night’s demons. As many hours as possible focused entirely on his job and then exercise and work-related reading until he was hopefully exhausted enough to sleep for more than a few hours. He didn’t want to tamper with what seemed to be working. Or remind himself of the past, which would only emphasise too clearly how different life was now. Control was paramount.

Control could be undermined by confusion, however. Anna had had a whole week to decide how to present her concerns about his skills but she hadn’t done so.

Why not?

Not that Luke wasn’t grateful but he was definitely puzzled. She’d agreed that the matter should be reported. That sloppy performance wasn’t acceptable. And yet she had apparently accepted his.

Why?

He would have spoken to her about it before leaving work that day but it was late and she had already gone. It wasn’t hard to use his influence to find her contact details but Luke discovered that she was living well along the windy coast road that led to Penhally.

A phone call to thank her for making his first week back smoother than it might have otherwise been seemed too impersonal. What he said might even be taken the wrong way—tacit approval for not reporting the incident perhaps. Taking a fifteen-or twenty-minute drive to what was quite possibly only a small collection of dwellings and knocking on her door after dark was a long way too far towards the other end of the spectrum, however. Far too personal. Why was he even considering it?

It didn’t seem nearly as inappropriate on Saturday morning. Especially as the world in general seemed a brighter place. Days and days of grey skies and intermittent rain had been blown inland by a stiff sea breeze and the sun was making a determined effort to raise the temperature by at least a degree or two. The surf had been high enough that morning to make his swim an adrenaline rush, and his leg hadn’t collapsed under him when he’d attempted a slow jog on the softer sand.

Yes. For the first time since arriving back, Luke felt that things were a little less bleak. Some time out on a day like this to drive up to Penhally and revisit old haunts was an attractive idea. He might have intended to wait until Monday to give Anna the excellent article on restrictive cardiomyopathy he’d come across in one of the journals he’d been reading until the early hours of that morning but if it was in the car, he’d have the perfect excuse to drop in at her house on his way past if he chose to.

He did choose to.

Maybe because the signpost to the lane she lived on was so easy to spot. Or perhaps because the house he found at her address was so unlike what he might have expected. Not even a house. More like a cottage with its latticed windows and some kind of evergreen creeper scrambling along the faded shingles of its roof. The small garden was overgrown and … it had a picket fence, for heaven’s sake!

If someone had asked him where he thought Dr Bartlett would be living, he would have imagined a modern apartment. Streamlined and minimalist. Devoid of personality—hers or its own. This cottage probably had tourists stopping to take its picture and a name somewhere under the tangled, prickly branches obscuring half the fence. Bay View Cottage perhaps, given the glorious sweep of Penhally Bay on display. It was only a short walk down the hill to get to a beach and, given the rocky coves he had noticed just before turning off the main road, the coastline was due to provide one of those gems that surfers searched for.

Sure enough, when he left the car and went a little further uphill towards the front door of the cottage, he could see a stretch of white sand beyond the boulders. This cottage might be rundown but it was sitting on valuable land. Any closer to Penhally or St Piran and it would be worth an absolute fortune. Was that why Anna had chosen it? As an investment?

That made far more sense than a desire to inhabit what had to feel like an alien space. Having come to terms with the apparent contradiction, Luke was now hesitant in knocking on her door. Had he passed a letterbox? He could leave the article in there and then explain it on Monday.

He might have done exactly that if it hadn’t been for the sudden loud noise from inside the cottage. A crashing sound not dissimilar to the one he’d heard in the canteen earlier in the week.

No scream followed the sound but he could hear the dismay in Anna’s voice.

‘Oh … no!’

CHAPTER FOUR

‘ANNA?’ Luke didn’t bother knocking. He tried the doorhandle and found it turned, so he shoved the door open. ‘Are you all right?’

There was no response. Cautiously, Luke advanced along the narrow hallway. He could hear Anna’s voice again. It was much quieter now. Soft and soothing.

‘It’s all right,’ she was saying. ‘Poor baby, you gave yourself a big fright that time, didn’t you?’

Maybe he was in the wrong house.

‘Anna?’

‘Who’s there?’

‘Me,’ Luke said as he stepped into a doorway on his right.

‘Luke? Good grief! What on earth are you doing here?’

She sounded surprised. No, more like appalled. Luke opened his mouth but no words emerged. This was Anna?

She was sprawled on the floor, her arms around a large dog that was virtually in her lap and making enthusiastic attempts to lick her face. There were newspapers spread around them both, a collection of paintpots and an aluminium stepladder lying on its side.

‘I was just on my way to Penhally. I heard the crash.’

‘From the road?’

‘No … I … er … had an article I wanted to give you.’ It was weirdly hard to string a coherent sentence together so Luke gave up. He stared at Anna instead, trying to take in the faded, ripped denim jeans she was wearing. The paint-stained jumper. The soft waves of her loose hair that reached her shoulders. Those amazing green eyes that were staring at him in utter bewilderment right now.

Luke dropped his gaze. The dog was staring at him too. Warily. Pressing itself further into Anna’s arms and visibly shaking.

‘What’s wrong with the dog?’

‘He’s scared.’

‘Of what?’

‘You.’

She should probably be scared herself, Anna thought. A large man she hardly knew had just come into her house uninvited. Into her bedroom. Well, it would be her bedroom again when she’d finished renovating it. Right now it was just a mess.

Like her head.

Luke was wearing some jeans that were probably as old as her own. He had a black woollen jumper on with the sleeves pushed up to reveal bare forearms. His hair looked windswept and there was a tension about him that suggested he could leap into action at any moment. To save a life or rescue a damsel in distress.

He’d thought she was in distress.

He’d come into her house to rescue her.

And here he was, looking rugged and grim and … and … gorgeous.

Thank goodness she had her arms full of warm, shivery puppy. She hugged him more closely.

‘He’s a rescue puppy,’ she told Luke. ‘I’ve only had him a couple of weeks. My neighbours, Doug and June Gallagher, own a farm and they found him in the creek. In a sack. They would have kept him but they’ve already got a lot of dogs and he was terrified of Doug. June reckons he’s been badly treated by a man.’

‘So you took him? You’re going to keep him?’

He sounded as though she’d just informed him that she intended to fly to the moon. Anna almost laughed but she felt absurdly close to tears. This wasn’t supposed to happen and the earth had just tilted beneath her feet.

Dr Bartlett didn’t do feminine or personal. She didn’t do attraction to her colleagues.

Mr Davenport wasn’t supposed to meet Anna. And there were no rules about Anna feeling attracted to a man. There hadn’t needed to be for too long to remember.

This was threatening to do her head in completely so she dragged her gaze away from the towering figure by the doorway and buried her face in the expanse of woolly hair in her arms.

‘You’re all right,’ she soothed. ‘He’s not going to hurt you.’ The reassurance seemed to bounce back at her and it sounded good. The warmth and smell of her dog was good too. Comforting. Anna raised her head to find that Luke was closer. He had dropped to a crouch and he was looking at the puppy.

‘What is he, exactly?’

‘We’re not sure. The vet thinks he’s about four months old. She reckons he’s part poodle because of the wispy hair. Or maybe there’s some wolfhound in there. A designer dog gone wrong, we decided, and that’s why nobody wanted him.’

‘A poodle and a wolfhound?’ Luke seemed to be making a valiant attempt to imagine such an unlikely combination.

He looked intrigued and, with his focus so completely on the puppy, Anna got the chance to look at him.

He looked so different. Was it the casual clothing or the fact that he was here, in her home? No. It was more than that. The grimness she was getting accustomed to in his face had lightened. The puppy had distracted him and caught his interest. Was it possible it might even amuse him? Make him smile?

Anna really wanted to see Luke smile.

‘It could be possible,’ she said, her tone deadpan. ‘As long as they’d had a staircase handy.’

Luke’s gaze flicked up. He gave a huff of sound that could have passed for laughter but there was no matching curl to his lips. Instead, there was an incredulous expression in those amazingly blue eyes. As though he was seeing someone he didn’t recognise at all.

Because she’d cracked a fairly pathetic joke?

Or because of the reference to parentage? Canine sex.

Sex …

Oh, Lord! Anna closed her eyes. She couldn’t hold the puppy any more tightly because she could feel his ribs too well already. Poor thing, he’d had a hard time in his short life so far. At least he’d stopped shaking, though.

‘What’s his name?’

‘I can’t decide. Every time I come up with one, I try using it but it doesn’t feel right. Herbert was my last effort.’ To her dismay, Anna realised that Luke would make the connection. That the surname of his first surgical case had seemed like a good name for her pet. How unprofessional would that seem?

Probably not as bad as talking about dogs mating on the stairs.

And did it really matter? This wasn’t work. It was home. Different.

Confusing. ‘He’s got big feet.’

‘Mmm. He’s growing fast, too. I think that’s why he’s so clumsy. He got underneath my ladder and tried to turn around and that’s how it tipped over.’

Luke was silent for a moment but then he looked at Anna and she saw that the grim lines were still missing from his face. There was a hint of amusement there but it was lapped by a sadness she could feel all the way to her bones.

‘I knew someone once,’ he said quietly. ‘He grew too fast and looked a bit goofy, with his hands and feet always looking a bit too big for him, and he was such a clumsy kid we all called him “Crash”. He grew up, though. Into the strongest, bravest guy I knew.’

He was talking about someone important. A fellow soldier, maybe? Someone he had loved who had died? Why was he telling her something so personal?

‘I heard a crash,’ Luke added. ‘That’s why I came inside.’

Anna swallowed. Luke’s lips were moving. Slowly but surely they were curling into a smile. A real smile. One that changed his whole face, deepening those furrows to his nose but adding a sparkle to his eyes that made him seem so much more … alive.

It faded all too quickly and instinct told Anna that she had been given a glimpse of something normally well hidden. The real Luke? A letting down of some guard that not many people got to see, anyway. A real smile and he had chosen to bestow it on her.

Something deep inside her was captured. Something huge and warm and wonderful. Anna knew she would remember this moment for ever.

‘It’s a great name,’ she said softly. ‘Crash?’

The big pup wriggled in her arms and looked up at her. He tried to prick up his ears but they were too heavy and stuck out sideways. Liquid brown eyes were full of trust and a long tail gave a thump of approval.

‘Crash it is,’ Anna announced. She smiled up at Luke. ‘Hey, thanks.’

‘No problem.’ But the smile had well and truly vanished from Luke’s face and he stood up.

He was leaving. Something oddly like panic made Anna’s heart skip a beat.

‘Would … um … would you like a coffee or something?’

‘No. You’re busy and I’m on my way to Penhally. I’ll leave the journal.’ He dropped it onto a chest of drawers by the door. ‘There’s a good review of restrictive pericarditis in there. I thought you’d be interested.’

The reminder of work was timely. She had to work with Luke. Work and home couldn’t mix. Professional and personal couldn’t mix. What had she been thinking, blathering on about her rescue puppy? She scrambled to her feet.

‘Thank you.’ There wasn’t a thing Anna could do about what she was wearing or what her home looked like, but she could summon as much as she could of Dr Bartlett. Lifting her chin, she could feel the shell of professionalism beginning to enclose her. Protect her.

‘That was thoughtful of you. I did do as much research as possible when Colin was admitted but it might well be something I didn’t come across.’ She looked pointedly at the door. ‘I’ll see you out, shall I?’

‘No need.’ Luke turned to leave but then paused. ‘Actually, there was something else.’

‘What?’

The hesitation was almost imperceptible. ‘You don’t seem to have reported that incident from Colin Herbert’s surgery. Or not that I’ve heard about.’

‘No. I decided not to.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because you said it wouldn’t happen again.’ And I believe you, Anna added silently, looking away so that he wouldn’t see any crack in her newly formed shell. I trust you.

Luke didn’t say anything. After a long moment he broke the eye contact and gave a single nod. ‘Thank you,’ he said, the words somewhat curt. And with that he was gone.

Anna stood very still. She listened to the sound of her front door closing. And then the sound of a car engine starting up and a vehicle moving away.

Even then she didn’t move. Standing like this, she could feel that shell cracking and falling away, exposing something tender. She could almost feel Luke’s presence still in the room. She could still see that amazing smile.

And, heaven help her, but she wanted to hang onto it for just a little longer.

The sound pierced his eardrums, his body rocking from the force of the impact. Through the painful buzzing that came in the wake of the explosion he could hear the cursing of his companions. The screaming.

‘Get out!’

‘Get down!’

The ping of bullets ricocheting off the metal of their armoured vehicle came faster. An unearthly shriek from someone who had been struck ripped through the sounds of chaos.

Of panic.

He could feel the heat now. Not just the normal strength-sapping attack of the desert sun but the kind of heat that could sear flesh. A lick of flames that could bring death with far more suffering than a bullet.

The dust was thick. Getting thicker. The chop-chop-chop of a nearby helicopter was stirring the ground. Bringing assistance, but it was going to be too late. It was getting hard to breathe. He could smell the dust. Taste it. Dust mixed with blood to become a suffocating soup.