The Surgeon's Baby Secret

“I’m not anymore.” Or that was her new resolve anyway. She still needed to prove it to herself.

“I get the feeling there is a story behind that.”

He was more than observant, he was perceptive and he was right. There was a long story behind the loss of her innocence, but not one that she felt like sharing—especially with Ryan. It had been years since she had been a stranger to anyone and she enjoyed the freedom of talking to someone who wasn’t privy to the backstory of her life. “Are you always this inquisitive with women you have barely met?”

“No. But considering how we met I think we’re already beyond the superficial, don’t you?”

It wasn’t his words that implied an intimacy between them. It was the way he was looking at her. She again took in the man sitting before her. He was as handsome as he was confident and, as silly as it felt, it felt as if he was on her side. She wasn’t sure which feature she found most attractive but attraction was definitely coursing through her body.

“Yes,” she answered. “What exactly are we doing here, Ryan?”

She was direct. He’d known that already but he still wasn’t prepared for her question, because he didn’t know the answer. He had thought about little other than her since they had last parted. Relief had been just one of the emotions he had felt when he’d seen her tonight. If it had only been relief he would have just been happy to see that she was all right and left her alone, but more than relief he felt a complete fascination with the woman he had spotted the moment he’d entered the restaurant.

She looked more mature and somehow more desirable than she had on the hillside. Gone was the young frightened girl and instead, walking past him, was a confident woman. Her blond hair appeared freshly washed and accented perfectly against the blue silk of her shirt. She once again wore heeled boots to add to her height and they clung to her legs in the same fashion as her flesh-hugging gray denim.

Once in the pub he waited for over an hour before he ventured to her table and now he was being asked point-blank about his intentions. Intentions he still didn’t even know or understand.

“I’m getting to know a person who has captured my attention and I hope you’re doing the same.”

He watched as her flush spread from the valley between her breasts that her shirt exposed upward toward her face. She reached this time for her iced water and he watched her bide her time before answering.

“You have definitely captured my attention. But I’m not sure about why we’re bothering to get to know each other.”

“You really know how to flatter a man.” If he’d thought she’d turned red earlier, she had darkened two shades with his last comment.

“What I meant was that neither of us lives here. We may never even see each other again after tonight.”

“Do you want to see me again?”

Another long pause before he heard the small sigh escape her lips before she answered. “I’ve learned the hard way it doesn’t matter what I want.”

“It matters to me.” And it did. He hated seeing the look of defeat in her eyes and felt as if he would do anything to make it go away.

“And if I did want to see you again?”

“Then we would want the same thing.”

He waited for her response, or more so her verbal response. He didn’t miss the way her pupils dilated or the slight tremble in her response to him. “I want to see you again. I just don’t know if it is a good idea.”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because things I thought were right for me in the past have been anything but.”

“You don’t think you can trust me?”

She wasn’t ready for this. She wasn’t ready for Ryan. Why now? Except she couldn’t really begrudge his arrival in her life, because without him there was the possibility she wouldn’t be alive. Could she trust him? Her instincts said yes, but she had been so wrong before that the person she really couldn’t trust was herself.

“I don’t know what to think about any of this.”

“What does your gut tell you?”

Her gut told her that she wanted more. More of Ryan and more of the feelings he was bringing out in her. That even talking to him felt so different from her beginnings with Kevin. She didn’t feel that sense of being charmed and swept off her feet, which ironically felt better. Ryan made her feel as if this was less about him and more about her and him liking what he saw in her. What would be the harm in spending more time together? To indulge in the feelings he brought out in her? Her first fling and in less than a week they would go their separate ways, and at best he would become a beautiful memory to carry with her as she carved out her new life. At worst, well, really, what couldn’t she face after everything she had already been through?

“It’s getting late and it’s pretty dark out. Would you mind walking me back to the hotel?”

“I think I can do that.”

He signaled to the waitress and paid their bill, silencing her objections to his generosity. She also wasn’t able to slip past his gallantry as he helped her put on her jacket and held the door for her as they ventured into the slightly cooled night air.

“It is beautiful here, both day and night,” she remarked, feeling relaxation take hold of her for the first time since arriving earlier that day. A yawn escaped her as the jet lag she had been waiting for did the same.

“Careful, these roads are charming but a bit uneven.” His words were followed by his arm brushing past hers to take hold of her hand. It was the second time she had felt held to him and she allowed herself to enjoy it.

They walked the few blocks toward the hotel and her mind began to quiet as she enjoyed the evening and her time with Ryan. “It’s nice to have someone to look out for me,” she thought and said simultaneously.

The hand that had so strongly held hers pulled her toward him as they stopped still in the darkness a few meters from the hotel’s entrance. “I wish I could say that all I want to do is look out for you.” His voice, sounding slightly anguished, made the short voyage to her ears.

“What do you want to do with me?” she asked, surprised, with no essence of the “come-hither” that question would normally hold.

“This,” he answered, as his hands moved even closer to hold her against him as his lips descended on hers. His lips were hard yet so soft against her own and she welcomed the contact. She reached up, letting her hands rest against his chest, loving the feel of his firm chest as much as she enjoyed the pressure of his kiss. She felt his desire for more and she wanted the same, opening her mouth to his for him to explore. She wasn’t sure how long they stood like that, in the night, kissing, but she was certain that she had never been kissed like that before.

When they finally broke apart she felt breathless and dizzy, both in a very good way. “Thank you,” she murmured against him.

“Thank you?” he said, puzzled.

“I needed to be kissed like that.”

“I’d be happy to do it again.”

She laughed and she enjoyed the sound echoing through the night.

“Really, Erin. I have full intentions of kissing you again,” he stated outright, and she had no doubt of his plans.

“Can you meet me tomorrow?” she asked with a little hesitancy, hoping for the response she realized she desperately wanted.

“Yes.”

“Then I have no doubt you will make good on your promise. Good night. I’ll see you in the morning.” This time she initiated the kiss as she closed the gap between them once again and softly pressed her lips to his, before breaking away and moving through the hotel courtyard to the entrance. He didn’t follow her, which was good as she wasn’t sure she would be able to resist any further advances.

Ryan walked onto the balcony of his suite, which in the daytime gave him both a clear view of old Edinburgh and the sea. He sipped from a short glass of Scotch and tried to organize his thoughts and motivations.

He could no longer pretend that he was spending time with Erin to protect her from herself. Did she have a hint of sadness to her—yes. But after tonight he couldn’t make the argument that she was depressed and needed saving from herself. Maybe he had misinterpreted what had happened on Arthur’s Seat. What he hadn’t misinterpreted was his attraction to her. Tonight in the restaurant with every word that had come from her perfectly formed lips and every small move of her body toward him he’d felt a pull toward her. He had meant what he’d said to her—she was beautiful and she said what she meant, and he valued both qualities equally. So much so that he had kissed her and now wanted more.

He looked out into the night and had to blink before he believed what his eyes were showing him. On the balcony a few rooms away he saw Erin. She had changed into a dark-colored nightshirt that seemed to come just to the tops of her bare legs. It was loose on her but between the V-shaped cut of the neckline, its short length and the way a mild wind was pressing it against her he thought it was the sexiest bedtime apparel he had ever seen on a woman. He watched her, half mesmerized by her appearance and half concerned about her choice of location. What was she doing on the balcony? He exhaled a sigh of relief as she reached for a large blanket and wrapped her body in it before taking a seat in one of the balcony chairs, where she stayed staring out into the night.

Ryan, Erin thought, was she ready for Ryan? She had only said goodbye to him a few minutes ago and she already missed him, a man she just met. It was hard to reconcile all the feelings she was experiencing. One of the emotions she had felt during her divorce had been fear. Fear that outside her relationship with Kevin she had no experience with other men. Would another man find her attractive one day? And would she ever trust another man enough? And even if he did and she did, would she ever want the man she loved to suffer the same cruel fate she had been dealt? No.

But Ryan. Did she trust Ryan—yes. But were they ever going to be in a relationship—no. This was a brief and fleeting opportunity and one she didn’t feel she could turn away. Because she liked Ryan and the way he made her feel and because she was not going to let Kevin take one more thing from her.

Kevin had been a mistake from the beginning. She had just been too young and naive to see it. She had been a medical student on her first clinical rotation in Orthopedics when she’d met him. She had been nervous and excited, wearing her white clinical jacket for the first time and being called student intern. Everyone had seemed more important than her—the nurses, the residents, the staff physicians—and all she had wanted to do was to impress.

Then she’d met Kevin, or Dr. Dufour, her supervising resident, and he had seemed godlike in comparison to her lowly medical student ranking. He would single her out from her colleagues, giving her more opportunities and one-on-one time than any of the other students on the rotation. At first she had been flattered and had done her best to impress him, going that extra mile to stay late and check bloodwork or making food runs to bring to him in the operating room in between cases. Looking back on it, she had been more his slave than his student, but she had been so in awe of everything he’d represented.

Then his attention had become more personal than professional. Subtle touches, comments on her appearance, and she’d continued to be flattered. She had never been involved with anyone older than her and the attention of an older accomplished man had been absorbing. And he’d been a charmer, a snake charmer, really. It hadn’t been long before she’d fallen for him and he’d been making late-night appearances at her apartment. She had been in love with the man she’d thought he was and he had been willing to take advantage.

Until—until she’d become pregnant. And until he’d realized that while her last name was the same as her birth father’s, Madden, her stepfather was Dr. Williamson, the hospital’s chief of staff. That had been when she’d started getting glimpses of the man he really was, but she had been so overwhelmed with concern over her own life and how the pregnancy was going to affect her career that she’d pushed them to the back of her mind.

The same was done with her hesitancy over getting married. Her parents had made it clear that she had already disappointed them and it had been crushing knowledge, so she’d gone along with their demands, thinking that once Kevin got used to the idea of their upcoming family he would settle into their life together.

She had been so wrong. Once they’d married he’d become resentful and disinterested and she’d become trapped and alone. He hadn’t even been there when she’d almost died from complications from her miscarriage. To him it had been the final nail in the coffin that was his marriage. He’d felt unable to leave her now, not if he wanted his career. So he’d stayed. She had tried to make him happy. Tried to regain what they had lost, spending months—years—trying to conceive again, but she couldn’t.

Then had come the women. She’d met his first girlfriend shortly after they’d married, learning that he had been involved with the other woman at the same time as her up until their wedding. When she’d confronted him he’d told her what she’d wanted to hear and had promised his fidelity. Soon she had been too caught up in her own pain from her pregnancy loss to care whether he was telling the truth.

But as she had risen from her grief and begun to face her reality, she couldn’t hide the signs. By then she had graduated medical school and was now the resident at Boston General and Kevin was a staff orthopedic surgeon. When she walked the halls she would notice people taking more notice of her than was normal. When she entered the emergency department she would see nurses turn and speak quietly to one another. Then finally after three years of marriage she received a written note in her locker from “a friend” who wanted her to know that her husband was sleeping with one of the hospital pharmacists.

He didn’t even deny it. Instead he blamed his infidelity on her inadequacies as a wife. In some ways Kevin still won in their divorce. She filed for divorce citing irreconcilable differences, too embarrassed to have her husband’s cheating and her deficiencies aired publically. His professional reputation remained intact and he was able to carry on at Boston General as if nothing had happened. Meanwhile, she was struggling to gain her own reputation outside her infamous failed marriage and position as the chief of staff’s stepdaughter.

Kevin wanted her gone, completely, and communicated more with her postdivorce with his badgering than he had in the year prior to their ultimate divorce. And it would be easier for her just to leave and start over somewhere new with all her baggage left behind, but there was something about Boston General that felt like home and she wasn’t ready to give up anything else in her life.

The wind picked up again and she felt the corners of the blanket lift. It was time to try to sleep, to force herself onto Scottish time. She rose from her chair and peered into the night, instinctively turning to her right, looking away from the ocean and at one of the neighboring balconies. She recognized Ryan. The backlighting of his suite and the darkness of the balcony created the same effect as when she had first seen him and the image of masculine perfection was unchanged. They were too far apart for words, so instead she pressed her hand to her lips and extended it toward him before walking back into her suite and closing the balcony door.

CHAPTER THREE

NERVOUS ANTICIPATION FILLED her as Erin dressed for the unknown in the day ahead. Somehow in the heat of her moment with Ryan they had not made true plans for today, she had just asked him to meet her. When? Where? She had no idea, but she had complete faith that she would see him.

She ran her fingers through her hair, deciding to leave it down, and took a look at her appearance in the mirror. It had felt great that morning, getting ready and knowing that there was someone waiting for her who would be appreciative of her effort. Her cream tunic top had a crocheted design that while it covered her it also revealed her shape beneath. The same went for her gray slim-fit summer pants that ended a few inches above her ankles. She had small slip-on shoes that matched and would be perfect for exploring Edinburgh. She hoped she would see Ryan sooner rather than later.

He was waiting in the hotel lobby when the elevator doors opened. He looked up and smiled, sipping from a takeaway cup of coffee. He looked as good as when she had twice previously seen him. He was freshly washed and shaved and the V-neck of his red polo shirt revealed the hint of another tattoo on his chest. She walked toward him and he rose to greet her, and before she could wish him good morning his lips were against hers. The kiss was brief but no less exciting. “I’ve been waiting to do that.”

“I hope I haven’t kept you waiting too long.”

“You’re worth waiting for. I brought you a coffee. I hope you drink coffee.”

“I live on it, thanks.”

“So what is your plan for the day?” he asked.

“My plan?” Her only plan had been to be with Ryan.

“Well, my plan was to be with you, which I have now accomplished, so now we move on to your plan.”

She knew she was smiling like a fool, but still couldn’t change the way she felt. “Ah. Okay, then. Today is my only free day and my plan was to explore Edinburgh. I would be very pleased if you joined me.”

“Lead on.”

With a genuine smile she led them back outside the hotel, where Ryan took her hand. “Let me guess, we’re going to the princess castle.”

“Of course,” she replied, and felt by the time the day was done her whole face was going to hurt from the happiness Ryan seemed to be able to bring out in her. “But don’t worry, the princess castle also contains the military museum, which should appease you.”

They made their way through the irregular streets toward the Edinburgh Castle entrance. She knew not to object as Ryan paid their entrance fee and they passed through the castle gate. “Look up,” he instructed.

Above them was a spiked portcullis designed to protect the castle against siege. “Not exactly a fairytale castle feature,” he added.

“I don’t believe in fairy tales.”

“Another thing we have in common, because neither do I.”

Ryan held her hand as they passed in and out of the buildings that made up Edinburgh Castle. She had always enjoyed history and was happy that Ryan also seemed fascinated by the depth of history within the castle walls. They took their time exploring the National War Museum and she was impressed with his knowledge as he took the time to explain to her the nuances of past wars. At the end of the museum was a new exhibit dedicated to war veterans with amputations and the use of prosthetics.

“Amazing, isn’t it?” Ryan remarked, as they examined the cabinet filled with examples of modern bionic limbs.

“It is.”

“I should have been an orthopedic surgeon,” he remarked, not knowing the effect his words would have on her.

“No, you shouldn’t have been,” she blurted, not able to censor herself yet again.

“Why not?” he asked, confused by the shift in her demeanor.

“Because I like you just the way you are,” she answered, trying to cover the real meaning behind her remark.

“Why do I feel like there is something you are not saying?”

She sighed, realizing that her deflection hadn’t worked and she was going to have to bring her past into what was already the best day she’d had in years.

“Because there is. My ex-husband is an orthopedic surgeon and I would like to think that you have nothing in common.”

“Ah. So you have a thing against doctors?” She could tell he was testing her and she hoped she didn’t sound like a bitter, scorned woman.

“That would make my life very hard, considering I am one. I’ve just learned the hard way about the dangers of mixing personal and professional lives and would never risk that again.” She watched him, waiting for his reaction, and didn’t miss the conflict in his face. Was he so surprised that she was a physician or was he just as bothered as she was that her ex had entered into their time together. She wanted to go back and take away her comment. “Besides, the only type of man I could now ever imagine being attracted to is one in the military.”

She smiled, and her smile only grew as he smiled back at her.

“Is that so?”

“Absolutely and completely.”

“So doctors are not your type?”

“Nope, I only have eyes for ruggedly handsome soldiers who save my life and come with no strings attached.” As the words left her lips even she didn’t doubt her sincerity. Ryan was the complete opposite of Kevin and the possibility of something between them felt more and more right with every moment they spent together. He was what she needed, a couple of days of abandon to restore everything her failed marriage had taken away from her.

The way he looked at her she had no doubt he was feeling the same attraction she was. “Well, Dr. Erin, I think we are both fortunate that you have equally opened my eyes to the appeal of female physicians. So I take it you are not in orthopedics. What do you do?”

“Obstetrics and gynecology.”

“That would be the opposite of orthopedics,” he remarked, and she appreciated that he, too, was trying to lighten the mood.

“It’s less complicated than taking care of men.” She laughed.

“Ouch.” He feigned injury.

“It is actually amazing helping women and being there for one of the most special times in their lives.”

“Did you know that Mary Queen of Scots gave birth in this castle?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Then let’s go check out the birth chamber of James VI.” He once again connected his hand with hers and she marveled at how the same action brought even more excitement each time he touched her.

She had been right. Her face hurt from smiling. As they toured the entire castle she felt completely at peace and in her element, learning about Scottish history and with a man she respected and whose company she enjoyed. Not to mention an attraction that was growing exponentially. Every time he reached for her hand it felt as if they were connecting and throughout the day she was holding her breath, waiting for the moment when he would kiss her again.

She felt the first drop hit her shoulder as they once again passed through the castle gates. Then the second, then the third. Within seconds the sky had opened and rain was pouring down on both of them. She felt a tug on her hand as he pulled her into the protection of a narrow corridor between the old brick buildings. The small space necessitated being pressed together and any thoughts she had of being cold immediately vanished. Ryan’s hand swept her wet bangs from her forehead before his lips came down on hers.

Finally, she thought as she met him with equal passion. His lips were wet with the rain and added to the freshness of his taste. She opened her mouth to him, wanting more, and was rewarded by his response. His tongue met hers until she didn’t know where he ended and she began. At the same time his hands trailed from his initial position on her face along the sides of her body until she felt them on her bare back underneath the dampness of her shirt. Another point of heat between them.

She wanted more. Wanted him to move his hands over her and caress her aching breasts. Wanted to feel the ultimate fulfillment that the rigidity pressed into her abdomen promised.

“Not here,” he murmured into her ear, when they finally broke apart.

She looked into the pouring rain. “Want to make a run for it?”

“Yes,” he agreed with the same smile she had become accustomed to.

She kissed him once more, pressing her lips to his with the firm passion that had ignited inside her, before they broke apart and made their start on the sprint back to the hotel. It took them ten minutes but on arrival in the hotel’s lobby she was completely soaked through and panting from the exertion of their run.