The Redemption Of Lillie Rourke

Gabe yawned. “Well, I hope you won’t think I’m rude or anything, but I’m gonna try to catch a few z’s before our first stop.”

“Good idea. I might do the same.”

Moments later, listening to his soft, steady snores, Lillie closed her eyes. But she didn’t expect to sleep, not with all those newly awakened memories whirling in her mind.

She was surprised when the lurch of the bus startled her awake.

“Hey, thanks for keeping me company. It was great talking with you,” Gabe said, standing as she pulled her rolling suitcase from the overhead bin. “Maybe we can exchange numbers, do coffee if I ever get to Baltimore.”

He produced an old envelope and a ballpoint, and not knowing how to say not interested without hurting his feelings, she accepted both. As she wrote her first name, Lillie was tempted to change a digit or two in her cell number. But starting her new life on a lie, even one that small, didn’t seem like a good idea. So she handed back the pen and the envelope.

“Thanks,” she said, “but...”

Gabe took it and, he must’ve read her hesitation because he said, “I get it.” He shrugged. “Good luck to you.”

“And to you.”

She meant it, but if he ever did call, she’d find a reason to decline. She was in no position to start anything—not even a friendship—with anyone. Not until she had a better handle on who and what she had been...and what she’d done.

Besides, she wanted Jase, and no one else.

The admission gave her the strength to make a decision that had been a long time coming: she’d earn his trust again, no matter what it took.

* * *

“LILLIAN MARIE ROURKE, is that you?”

Only one person had ever called her by her full name. Heart drumming with joy—and dread—Lillie turned toward the robust voice.

“Dad! It’s so great to see you.”

“My, my, my,” her dad said, gripping her biceps, “just look at you. Roses in your cheeks and sparkles in those big brown eyes. You look...” Liam wrapped her in a fierce hug. “You look healthy.” He held her at arm’s length again. “Are you happy, Lill?”

She was glad to be home, with rehab behind her. Glad to have put in hard, fourteen-hour days at work afterward. Lillie had saved a few thousand dollars, every penny earmarked to repay the last of her debts. Until then, she wouldn’t truly be happy, so she didn’t answer him directly.

“Where’s Mom?”

“At the inn, planning your homecoming.” He winked. “Here,” her dad said, grabbing her suitcase, “let me take that. Can you believe I found a space right out front?”

Lillie followed him to the parking lot, tossed her backpack into the trunk beside the wheeled bag and climbed into the front seat. “You look wonderful,” she said. “Have you been dieting?”

“Dieting? Me?” He laughed. “No, but I’ve started a new project at the inn. Turns out it’s good exercise.”

“A project?”

Liam started the car. “An addition.”

“Ah, Mom’s kitchen bump-out.”

“And screened-in porch.”

“With a terrace beyond it?”

“And a gazebo. And an arbor. I tell you, Lill, she’s more excited than a bride on her wedding day. She has visions of hosting wedding parties. None of those eight-bridesmaids-and-groomsmen shindigs, mind you. Don’t know where we’d put ’em all in a place the size of the White Roof.”

Amelia had once dreamed of planning Lillie’s wedding. It was all she could talk about after Jase proposed. Back then, her mother had looked into the possibility of renting an arbor for them to exchange vows under. They’d trim it with white roses and baby’s breath. It would be a twilight ceremony, followed by a candlelight reception, complete with a string quartet, finger sandwiches and a four-tiered cake that Lillie would bake and decorate herself. Maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t a completely impossible dream...

“You won’t believe what your mother has done to that little room on the first floor of the turret.”

“Let me guess... It’s where the brides and bridesmaids will get dressed...” Along with mothers of the brides...

“A-yup.”

Liam reached across the console and squeezed her hand. “It’s really good to have you home, kitten. We missed you.”

How long since he’d called her that? Not since... Lillie shook off the hard memory.

“I missed you guys, too.”

“You’re really okay, then?”

In other words, are you clean and sober, for real? “Yes, I’m fine. Fourteen months now.” And sixteen days.

“What about all those aches and pains from the accident? They’re gone?”

Translation: Pain meds had started her down the road to addiction; was it possible she’d make a U-turn at the first temptation? They’d warned her at rehab to expect varying levels of mistrust. So much for the “forewarned is forearmed” theory, she thought, doing her best to shake off the sting of reality.

“Oh, I have the occasional ache, but who doesn’t? Don’t worry, though, I’ve fought too hard to put that life behind me. Forever. Ever. Period. Even if more surgery is in my future. Besides, I worked in a pub for months and months and didn’t so much as sniff a cork. So I passed the supreme test.” Not to mention, she’d continue daily meetings with the new sponsor recommended by Rising Sun to stay on track, but no one needed to know that. “You’re looking at the new me.” She raised her right hand. “Honest.”

Why did she suddenly feel sixteen again, explaining that she’d never stay out past curfew, ever, ever again?

“We just want what’s best for you, is all. You had us real worried there for a while. But if you say you’re cured—”

She hated to burst his bubble, but Lillie had to be up-front with him. “I wish there was a cure, Dad, but the fact is, I’m an addict. I’ll always be an addict, even after I’m old and gray and rocking on Mom’s new screened porch. But you have my word, I’ll never use again.”

There. It was out. Sadly, she’d need to repeat the little speech to reaffirm it for her mother and siblings. And Jase, whom she’d yet to apologize to. Something told her that no matter how many times she said it, the reassurance wouldn’t get any easier.

Lillie squared her shoulders. “So how are things at the inn? Are you overrun with guests?”

“Actually, just one old couple this weekend. They’d booked last year. It’s an annual thing for them, anniversary celebration. Once they check out, we’ll shut down for the next couple of months, you know, so the contractors won’t disturb anybody.”

“Contractors? Since when do you let someone else wield a hammer in your house!”

“Since I won the lottery.”

“Wait. The lottery? You’re kidding!”

He held up his right hand. “As God is my witness. My ticket came in. After taxes, I raked in a cool half a million. More than enough to make all your mother’s dreams come true. And even though you didn’t cost me a dime, you’re one of those dreams, you know.”

They’d stayed in touch. Emails. Phone calls. FaceTime. Why was this the first she’d heard about something that big?

Stop thinking of yourself, Lill.

Her folks had worked hard all their lives and deserved a big break. She smiled.

He grabbed her hand again. “And now that you’re home and healthy? Well, that’s the cherry on life’s sundae. Speaking of desserts, that’s just one of the reasons she didn’t come with me to pick you up.” The car’s interior rattled as he let out a piercing, two-note whistle. “That woman has been cooking and baking for days. All your favorites.”

“That’s sweet of her. But I hope she isn’t ignoring her art because of me. She’s still painting, right?”

“Not as often as she’d like, but yes, she adds a canvas to her gallery now and then.”

“You mean she finally turned that old parlor room into a studio?”

“Yup. It looks good, I tell ya, and the guests agree. A few talked her into giving them lessons. They were happy with their paintings. You’d think that would inspire the cheapskates to buy one of hers, but no such luck.”

“But they will.”

“Right. There’s always hope, isn’t there.”

She took the comment to heart, because hope was about the only thing Lillie had left.

“You’re not still planning to get a second job, are you, kitten?”

The way Lillie saw it, she didn’t have a choice. Her parents had always been so generous and forgiving, and she didn’t want to take advantage. “I’ll look around, see what’s available.”

“Well, don’t be in a big rush. Give yourself time to adjust to being back. Hasn’t been all that long since you left the rehab center.”

It had been more than a year. The minute her counselor felt it was safe for her to leave, she’d gone to work for Pete, waiting tables, scheduling the staff and pitching in wherever else she was needed. It was the least she could do since he’d refused to accept rent for the tiny apartment above the pub. Between her salary—and Pete had been more than generous—and tips, Lillie had saved enough to repay everyone.

Almost everyone.

“How are Molly and Matt?”

“They’re good. Planning a world cruise once school is out.”

She pictured her little sister, a miniature version of herself, married to a guy who could easily be a Ravens linebacker. Since he and Molly couldn’t have children, they’d decided to save up and travel, instead.

“Wow. I can hardly wait to hear about this trip. And how are the Sams?” The fact that her brother Sam had married a woman named Samantha had, for years, been at the root of much good-natured teasing.

“They’re great, too. Got a new dog.”

“A mutt, like Beano?”

“No, she’s a Yorkie. Or so their vet says. Clem’s kinda yappy, but that’s to be expected of a pooch you could carry in your pocket.”

“They named her Clem?” Lillie laughed, picturing a tiny canine answering to the name. “Let me guess...it was Kassie’s idea.”

“She found her at the playground, shivering under the merry-go-round. Tucked the critter into her backpack, and the minute her mother got an eyeful of her, it was all over. They took pictures and tacked lost dog signs all over the place, put ads in the paper, posted on Facebook. But when no one claimed her...”

“No microchip?”

“Nope. But she has one now.”

That didn’t surprise Lillie one bit. Her sister-in-law, an in-home nurse, gave new meaning to the term caretaker. How she managed to work full-time, run a household, care for a cat and two dogs and keep track of the twins’ playdates and soccer practices, Lillie didn’t know.

“Do you mind stopping at the Flower Basket on the way home? I’d like to get Mom a little something.”

“Why? It isn’t her birthday.” He glanced at her again, and feigning panic, added, “Is it?”

“Relax. No. But Sunday is Mother’s Day. I got her a little something, but I know how much she loves orchids, so...” She shrugged. A bouquet couldn’t make up for years of heartache and disappointment, but it was a start.

“I have something in my suitcase for you, too,” she told Liam.

“Kitten, you didn’t have to do that. I’m just happy that you’re home and...”

His voice trailed off, so Lillie finished for him: “...home, and drug-free...”

He recoiled slightly at the phrase.

“You don’t have to tiptoe around my addiction, Dad. If you or Mom have questions, feel free to ask. And if you have things you’d like to say, by all means, say them. I can take it. And anyway, you deserve the truth.”

Nodding, he turned into the florist’s parking lot. “Good to know.” After rolling down the windows, Liam said, “Want me to come in with you?”

“Sure. Why not?”

Once inside the shop, Lillie perused glass shelves lined with floral arrangements, houseplants and orchids. She cupped the blossom of a purple pansy orchid and inhaled its delicate scent. “Is Mom still collecting orchids?”

He rolled his eyes. “Have you met your mother?”

Lillie removed the plant from its shelf and took it to the register. It surprised her when her dad slid a pale pink moth orchid onto the counter beside it.

“She’s not your mother,” Lillie teased.

He shrugged. “True, but she’s a good egg. And gave me some of the best kids on the planet. So why not.”

“You’re a big softie, just one of a thousand reasons I love you.”

Once outside, they gently placed the plants onto the floor of the back seat. After they were seated in the front, Liam said, “Did you mean it that Mom and I are free to ask questions?”

“Anything.”

“Okay. Same goes for you, you know.”

“I’ve always been able to talk to you.”

“Not always.”

Her therapist had warned her that from time to time, a comment like that would sting. The woman had recited a list of platitudes intended to help her cope when it happened: Consider the source. Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. You got through rehab; you’ll get through this. Lillie’s least favorite cliché? Don’t try to go around the mountain; make it your home.

During those excruciating months following the accident, Lillie had worked hard to spare her family and Jase the truth about her condition. Why worry them about things they couldn’t control, like her never-ending pain? For the same reason, she’d kept her addiction a secret, too. If she could point to a specific time or event that made them see through her ruse, Lillie might have prevented the humiliating intervention. “You’re not fooling anyone,” they’d said. “Get help, or else.”

Now, she said, “I know, Dad, but that was the old me. This me is very up-front about things.” A nervous giggle escaped her lips. “You’ll probably get sick and tired of hearing me ’fess up all over the place!”

Liam didn’t respond. Instead, he exhaled a long sigh. “You still mad at me for getting that court order?”

When he realized how quickly she was going through the insurance settlement from her accident, Liam had seen a lawyer to gain control of her money. She’d fought him at every turn, because his actions would put a stop to her street drugs. He’d won, and she’d despised him for it. In hindsight, Lillie felt nothing but gratitude.

“I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me at first. But time, and sobriety, helped me see that if you hadn’t done it, I would only have wasted every dime. So no, I’m not mad. In fact, I’m relieved that you did it. You quite literally saved my life.”

Another deep sigh, and then, “You don’t know how pleased I am to hear that. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. But that’s all history now, thank God, and I’m glad we got it out of the way before we reached the inn.” He squeezed her hand. “I can have things reversed now, if you want me to.”

Lillie believed she’d kicked the habit for good. But she’d heard too many horror stories of people who assumed the same thing, only to fall back into old habits.

“Let’s just leave things as they are for now,” she said. “I’ve paid everyone back, except for you and Mom and...” And Jase. “And it isn’t like I need the money for a world cruise or anything.”

That, at least, produced a genuine laugh.

“So, how long before you’ll call him?” her dad asked.

Lillie had to give him credit. He’d heard that little hesitation in her voice and knew exactly what it meant.

“I don’t know.” Of all the confrontations, that one scared her most.

“The longer you wait, the harder it’ll be.”

“He doesn’t know I’m back, so there’s no rush.”

The look on her dad’s face told her otherwise.

“But how could he know? I didn’t know myself until a week ago, when I made the plans and called you guys.”

“He... Jase sort of stayed in touch.”

“Sort of?”

“Every time he calls or stops by, he says it’s just because he wants to make sure we’re okay. But we weren’t born yesterday. We know he only wants a Lillie update. He’s dating someone. This one seems nice enough.”

This one? There had been others? Of course he wouldn’t have put his life on hold, waiting for her to come back...

“You...you met them...these women Jase dated?”

“Not exactly. Ran into him at the movies once, at a restaurant another time. And there were a couple of chance meetings at the ice cream stand. I’ll give him this: he sure knows how to pick the purty ones!” Liam chuckled. “No surprise there, when he started out with a beauty like you.”

Again, her father cut loose with the ear-piercing whistle. Her heart ached at the thought of Jase with someone else, but she had only herself to blame. If she hadn’t single-handedly destroyed their relationship, they’d be married, might even have a child by now. “Some of the people you’ve hurt will move on,” the rehab psychologists had said. “You need to let them. Wish them well, and do the same, yourself.”

Easier said than done, Lillie thought.

“Well, great.” He didn’t know it, but Jase had spared her the challenge of working hard to earn back his trust. “I’m happy for him.”

“You’re happy for him? Really?”

“Don’t sound so shocked, Dad. Jase is a good man, and deserves the best that life has to give.” And God knows that isn’t me.

“I give it another month,” her dad said. “Two, tops.”

“Why? I thought you said she seemed nice.”

“Oh, she’s all right, if you’re into leggy blondes. It’s just that this thing Jase has going with—Whitney’s her name—let’s just say she’s all wrong for him. You know your mother’s talent for reading people? Well, she says it’s healthy for Jase to sow some wild oats before he finally settles down. And I agree with her.”

A twinge of guilt shot through her, because it didn’t bother her one bit, hearing that this...this Whitney was all wrong for Jase. If you had an ounce of decency in you, you’d want him to be happy.

“What do you mean, she’s all wrong for him?”

Liam shrugged. “She isn’t you.” He turned into the inn’s drive. “So of course it won’t last.”

Another eddy of guilt swirled through her. And right behind it, a glimmer of hope.

Because oh, how she wanted her dad to be right!

CHAPTER TWO

“IT’S SO SWEET of you to do this for me, Jason.” Whitney giggled. “You’ve been so sweet about chauffeuring me around that I don’t feel the slightest bit helpless.”

“Helpless? You?” Jase laughed. Somehow, she’d managed to keep her sweet and sensitive side intact, even while working with the associates and partners at a high-powered law office. Everyone in his life knew how much he disliked being called Jason, yet Whitney had never referred to him any other way.

“You really don’t mind spending your entire day helping me run errands?”

She’d asked, and given him ample opportunity to say no. Wouldn’t be right to hold her feet over the fire now, just because boredom had him counting all the things he could be doing instead.

“I know what it’s like when your car is in the shop.” Not exactly an answer to her question, but it beat hurting her feelings with the truth.

“I can’t believe all this traffic! It’s three in the afternoon. On a Thursday. Why aren’t people at work?”

“We aren’t,” Jase said, chuckling.

“No. No we aren’t, are we. And I’m one hundred percent grateful that you took the day off, just for me!”

Her good-natured disposition was refreshing, especially compared with other women he’d dated: the librarian, who couldn’t talk about anything but books; the boutique owner, who tried—and failed—to dress him like a Gatsby character; the PE teacher who ate nothing but nuts and grains...and expected him to follow suit; and the pièce de résistance, the cellist with the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra, who thought he’d appreciate sitting in her living room...while she practiced her portion of Johann Pachelbel’s “Canon in D Major.”

“It’ll be so nice, having my watch back again.”

Whitney giggled, a pleasant enough sound, but it didn’t begin to compare with Lillie’s musical laughter. Jase flinched inwardly. It had been months since he’d had a positive thought about Lillie. Better clear your head, fool...

“I rarely wear mine anymore,” he said, steering into the right lane.

“I must seem like a dinosaur. Everyone but me uses their cell phones these days.”

“Yeah, but when you want to know what time it is, all you have to do is glance at your wrist. The rest of us have to find our phones.” Whitney was one of the most pulled-together women he’d had the pleasure of knowing. So why did she feel the need to defend herself all the time?

Because you’re doing something to make her feel that way. What, he couldn’t say.

“At least this stop kills two birds with one stone.” Whitney unbuckled her seat belt. “You know, since the Flower Basket is right next door to St. John’s Jewelers.”

In the rearview mirror, he saw a red SUV. He’d parked beside it enough times to recognize it as Lillie’s dad’s. Liam had probably decided to grab a bouquet for Amelia as an early Mother’s Day gift. Jase backed into a space directly across from the shop’s entrance as Whitney said, “I can’t decide whether to get Patsy a green plant or a spray of roses.”

Her best friend, who’d been at Johns Hopkins for nearly a week.

“I’m sure Patsy will be happy with either.”

And that was when he noticed someone in Liam’s passenger seat.

Not just someone.

Lillie.

His heart beat a little harder.

“I’m thinking a plant—” Whitney continued, one hand on the door lever “—so she can take it home with her. Which, unless she spikes a fever or something, should be in a day or two.”

“Yeah. Mmm-hmm. Right,” he muttered, watching as father and daughter exited the car.

The shop was cute—as flower shops went—and small. No way could he avoid running into Lillie in there. Or introducing her to Whitney. She’d been gone more than a year, no note, no call, not even a text message. For all he knew, she’d moved on, too. So why did he dread seeing her after all this time? And why was his heart beating double-time now?

“Wouldn’t it be better to take care of your watch battery first? You know, so the plant won’t sit in the hot car and, uh, wilt?”

That giggle again. And then Whitney placed her hand atop his on the gearshift. “It’s May, Jason, and seventy degrees, not ninety.”

“Yeah, but the sun is beating down like it thinks it’s August. Only takes ten minutes for the truck’s interior to reach one hundred degrees on a day like this.”

She wasn’t buying it. If he didn’t do something quick, he’d find himself in the Flower Basket, introducing his could-be fiancée to his ex-fiancée.

Whitney made a habit of putting her cell phone into his console’s cup holder, and he used it to his advantage. In one swift move, he backhanded it to the floor.

“Aw, man, sorry, Whit.”

She frowned—or as close to a frown as the always-pleasant Whitney got—and leaning forward, said, “No harm done, Jason. The floor is carpeted.”

For safe measure, he reached for it, too. But instead of retrieving it, he batted it under the passenger seat.

“Aw, man. I’m such a klutz!”

While she bent down, patting the floor mat in search of her phone, Jase looked up...

...and saw Lillie.

And his heart beat like a parade drum.

Her long auburn waves were chin-length now, and in place of her customary jeans, T-shirt and sneakers, she’d worn a gauzy calf-length skirt that billowed with every puff of the wind. She had on matching yellow shoes that looked like ballet slippers and a puffy-sleeved blouse with ruffles at the wrists. She still walked like a woman who knew where she was going, head up and arms swinging slightly. Marilyn Monroe–style sunglasses hid big eyes that couldn’t decide if they were brown or green, and if he knew Lillie, she’d applied a hint of shadow and just enough mascara to showcase those long lashes.

“There,” Whitney announced, “got it. Finally!”

He half ran to her side of the pickup and opened the passenger door. “First stop, jewelry store?” Taking her hand, he helped her to the pavement.

Grinning, she pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. “All right, Jason, whatever you think best.”