All I Am

She was not cut out for “more.”

“Sam’s only entertaining the possibility because you supply, like, half his food.” Cara did her best to pretend this whole thing didn’t matter.

“It’s not like that.”

Ugh. Why did Mia have to be so stubborn? So determined to help her find a passion. Cara was happy the way she was. She didn’t have to bring her work home with her, had set hours and got to have fun. She was in her mid-twenties. She was supposed to be having fun, not finding a fulfilling career or a husband like everyone around her seemed to be.

Since that thought caused the same pinching feeling as watching Dell swoop in to comfort Mia at the market Saturday had, she pushed it away. “Making pies is a hobby.”

“It’s your religion, Cara Pruitt. Saying any different would be like spitting on Grandma’s grave.” Mia wagged a finger at her.

Her stomach rolled. Mia had a point there. A mean point, but true nonetheless. If Grandma were alive to hear Cara call pie making a hobby, she’d get smacked on the butt with a wooden spoon.

She rubbed a finger over the tiny bluebird behind her ear. The tattoo was her own little safety net, like Grandma perched right there, ready to say something encouraging.

Sadly, Grandma’s voice had been gone for six years now, and some of the initial reassurances the bluebird brought had faded. Sad and scared were two of Cara’s least favorite feelings, and she avoided them at all costs. Which meant avoiding taking risks like this.

“Just stop big-sistering me, okay? I can take care of my own life.”

“I’m not trying to take care of your life. I’m offering you an opportunity. Do not say no to help. I already have one of those in my life.”

Mia glanced to the bottom of the hill where Dell was talking to some guy who wanted to buy vegetables or something. This whole melding of farms, added to Mia now living with Dell on Wainwright property, meant she almost never saw her sister alone.

“I was in your life first,” Cara muttered, feeling petulant. Because petulant sounded better than lonely.

“Cara.”

“Look, whatever. I’ll go meet with Sam if that’s what you want, but I don’t think I’m right for the job.”

Mia crossed her arms over her chest and mustered her best big-sister glare, which was pretty pathetic. “Give me one reason why not.”

“Other than not being qualified?”

“Yes, other than that.”

“That’s freaking enough!”

Mia’s glare morphed into something worse. Pity. Hurt. Geez, it was ridiculous. She was the one used to helping Mia out. Getting her to ditch the outdated hairdo and clunky glasses, supporting her at the market while Mia worked on overcoming her social awkwardness.

Now Mia had done all that and was getting married, and Cara had been officially relegated to one-and-only Pruitt screwup status. Mia was the favorite, Anna a close second, and Cara was the daughter who hadn’t gone to college aside from a few failed classes, had slept around, had a tattoo.

Mom probably prayed for Cara’s eternal soul morning, noon and night.

This day was blowing hard. “Whatever. I’ll go. Can we stop talking about it?”

“I’m only trying to help. Don’t you want to—”

She walked away. If she had to hear someone in her family say “do something more” one more time, she might be inclined to throw a punch. Unlike Anna, Mia wouldn’t fight back. She’d look hurt and make Cara feel like a jerk.

Because that’s what you are.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. She stomped down the hill, leaving Mia behind on the porch. Where was she even going? She couldn’t leave; she’d already promised Mom she’d eat dinner with the family.

She’d have to pass Dell and the guy he was talking to in order to get to her quiet spot by the creek, but so be it. If they were talking business or farming, Dell wouldn’t give her a second glance. He and Mia had that insanity in common.

She tried to cut behind them, but a bark distracted her. She glanced at the truck parked next to Mia’s vegetable barn. She recognized that truck and the four dogs in the back.

Wes. In all his flannelly, bearded glory. What the heck was he doing here? Well, it wouldn’t be hard to find out. “Wes?”

He turned, eyes wide. “Cara.”

“Wait, you know my name?” She didn’t recall giving it to him, and he definitely hadn’t asked.

“You two know each other?”

Cara gave Dell a brief glance before continuing her examination of Wes’s face. She wondered what he’d look like with a haircut and a shave. She had a sneaking suspicion he might be kind of hot. Luckily, Mountain Man was not her type. “Wes helped me out Saturday when that stupid hair ball attacked me.”

“Oh. Huh. Well, Wes, unless you have any more questions, you can email us the quantities, and we can bring it to the market when they’re ready.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Dell gave her a quizzical look, but she ignored him. “You bring your menagerie everywhere?” she asked Wes.

“Pretty much.” He had his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans. He didn’t look at her. His eyes were locked on his dogs.

“Well, I guess I’ll leave you two to chat.” Dell gave her another what the hell? look.

She shrugged. She wasn’t sure what the hell, either. But Dell left them alone, walking back up the hill to Mia.

“You make dog treats. What are you doing buying stuff here?”

“Sweet potatoes,” he said, as if that explained everything.

“Sweet potatoes?”

“Organic sweet potatoes. And peas. And carrots. Ingredients. For the dog treats.”

“Dogs like peas and carrots?”

“In my treats they do.”

“Huh.” She cocked her head and studied him at point-blank range. Rumor had it he was not very nice. Considering the way he’d treated Pipsqueak’s owner on Saturday, she’d figured that rumor was true.

But she wasn’t intimidated. His stiff stance, hard jaw and grizzly appearance just made her wonder what had made him that way. Well, besides war. She inwardly rolled her eyes at herself. War was probably enough.

But how exactly did a guy go from soldier to organic dog treat maker? It probably wasn’t any of her business, but curiosity was a hard thing for her to ignore, even if she knew her questions would be really, really, really not welcome.

“I should get going.” He headed toward his truck. Cara followed, and the German shepherd—Phantom, if she remembered right—put his paws on the side of the truck bed and panted at her.

“Aw. Aren’t you cute?” Cara held out her hand, letting the dog sniff her before patting his head. He gingerly licked her fingers, much to her delight. “He likes me.”

“He likes everybody,” Wes said gruffly.

“Aw, cute little baby.” She trailed her palm over his head, then scratched the soft fur behind his ears. “Aren’t you the sweetest?”

He gave her a tentative lick on the chin. When she looked at Wes, he was staring at her. Intently.

* * *

WATCHING PHANTOM LICK Cara was weird. Like thinking-about-being-the-one-doing-the-licking weird.

So not normal.

Which seemed about right. He hadn’t been normal possibly ever. His brief foray into romantic relationships in high school had ended in disaster. So he steered clear of women who made him feel anything. At least then he didn’t have to be a laughingstock.

And, in all honesty, aside from his market days, he steered clear of all people. Not just women. Everyone.

Needing to get out of here and fast, Wes opened the back of the truck to get the dogs into the cab. “Move it, guys.”

Phantom, Flash and Toby obeyed and hopped off the bed, then into the truck cab. Sweetness, the little jerk, jumped on Cara’s legs, pawing and yipping happily until Cara slid into a sitting position on the ground. Then Sweetness curled up right on her lap.

Toby and Flash jumped out of the truck and sniffed around Cara suspiciously. Only Phantom continued to obey the order, though he looked on from the passenger side window. If dogs had complex human emotions, Wes was pretty sure Phantom’s would be wistful. Or longing. Or something.

Yeah, his head definitely wasn’t screwed on right. “Get off her, you morons. In the truck.”

“Aw, they’re sweet. Our dog died a few years ago, and Dad hasn’t had the heart to replace her. I miss her.”

He liked the way she smiled at the dogs, the way she let Sweetness on her lap without hesitation even though the dog was getting dusty paw prints all over her skintight jeans. And she was right—the dogs did like her. Of course, they weren’t exactly picky.

“All right, kiddos, do as your daddy says.”

“Um, no. I am not their daddy. They are dogs. I am a man.”

Cara grinned up at him. “Thanks for the animal kingdom lesson. I figured a guy who took his dogs everywhere with him would think of himself as a daddy.”

“No.”

This time Cara laughed, a low, sultry sound that made him think about making her laugh more often.

A joke in itself. He didn’t know how to make anyone laugh, let alone a pretty woman. Just looking at her legs folded across each other made his hip ache.

She stood up, and Sweetness whined after her. “Aw, she loves me.”

“In you go.” Wes gave her collar a gentle tug until Sweetness jumped into the back with the others.

He turned to face Cara. “She likes women better than men. Except for me. Usually.” Looking down at her bright red mouth and blue-green eyes, he felt a stirring in his gut that had not been there in a very long time.

Attraction. Interest. And, weirdly, it didn’t come followed by panic.

Didn’t matter. Not allowed. So he turned and climbed up into his truck, Sweetness yipping in his ear, trying to get close to the open window and Cara.

Cara hopped up on the stair. Again. “You’re trying to convince me I need a puppy, aren’t you, little girl?” She leaned in his window. Again. Second time in a week this strange woman was poking into his personal space.

She reached for the dog, letting Sweetness lick her hand. Which put her breasts about two inches from his face. Uhh.

When she pulled back, she seemed to realize how weird that had been.

She chuckled. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s...fine,” he managed to croak. Which seemed like the polite thing to say at first, but now it seemed...weighted.

Cara grinned, making a considering sound in her throat.

“Well, see you around.” And get the hell off my truck. Which he managed not to say only by grinding his teeth together.

“See you Saturday,” she said, finally hopping off the stair.

“Huh?”

“The market. I help Mia out every week.”

“Right.” God, he was an idiot.

She waved, and he pulled away from the Pruitt farm. The drive to his cabin was long, winding and slow. Away from New Benton, away from farmland, toward the river and the woods and his refuge.

It was a decent-size cabin in the middle of a forest. Definitely an escape from well-meaning people and their parade of casseroles and intrusive questions when he’d first gotten back on his feet. Then the cabin had become his life, his sanctuary. And, okay, maybe it still was. Maybe it always would be.

He’d never be normal, and he’d never be a veterinarian. Those were irrefutable facts.

He got out of the truck and let the dogs out to yip and prance around with Franco and Monster, the two dogs who hadn’t been trained well enough yet to go everywhere with him. The land around the cabin was his animals’ domain. Six dogs, three cats and one sheep with a limp.

He hadn’t been able to do the vet thing, what with the nerve damage in his arm and hand, making performing surgery, exams and just getting through vet school requirements impossible, but that hadn’t meant he’d lost his love of down-and-out animals.

He let the dogs run around outside, Monster and Franco attached to their runner, then trudged into his cabin. It had everything he needed. A big kitchen for the dog treat making, a room expressly for packaging, an office for the business side of things.

Though the office looked more like the aftermath of a frenzied police search. He headed to his computer. It was nearly six. The video call with Mom was his least favorite part of the week. Hearing about how great Palm Springs was. How amazing her new family was, how successful her little chain of all-natural grocery stores was. She thought she was proving she’d gotten her life together, that she was a mother he could be proud of now.

She couldn’t accept he’d always been proud of her, and the money she had now didn’t magically change, well, anything.

Phantom rested his snout on Wes’s knee, having not stayed outside with the rest of the—as Cara had put it—menagerie.

That almost made him want to smile.

The pinging sounded. Deep breath. Accept the video call. On the computer Mom had bought as a gift, in the cabin she’d bought as a homecoming present, surrounded by the debris of a business Mom helped fund.

He’d gone to Afghanistan because they couldn’t afford any of the colleges with decent vet programs. Community college had been an option, but the GI bill had seemed a better one at the time. Better than piles of debt that had seemed insurmountable to a kid who’d grown up in poverty.

Then a bomb had exploded and ended any vet dreams or the possibility of staying in the structure and comfort of knowing how to act in the army. And no amount of things Mom offered him or forced on him was going to change that.

“Baby!” Mom’s smile filled the screen, and he worked on matching it.

“Hey, Mom.”

Her smile dimmed. “You’re doing okay?”

It was the closest she ever got to mentioning his injuries. Four years later and she was still more uncomfortable discussing them than he was, which was really saying something.

“Sure. Found a new vegetable supplier a little closer to home.”

Her smile returned to full wattage. Talk about business. That she could do. That they could do, and did do, for twenty minutes before she started talking about her husband, her stepkids.

She paused, biting her lip, a sure sign of nerves. The same way she’d bitten her lip when he’d been a kid, and they hadn’t been able to afford anything. Not new shoes. Not school lunches. Not the colleges he wanted, even with government assistance.

“Maybe you could come visit.” It was the first time she’d suggested it in a long while. Maybe ever. He got invited to go on vacations with the new family, but he always declined. Usually because he wasn’t up to skiing or being shoved onto a cruise ship.

He’d never been invited to the actual house.

“There are a lot of steps and things to maneuver, but we can make it more—”

“I don’t know when I’d be able to get away, Mom. High market season for the next few months, you know.”

“Oh, right.” She bit her lip, and he refused, absolutely refused, to read anything into her expression.

He wasn’t handicapped, which made him a lot luckier than many of his fellow soldiers. If she wanted to treat him like he was, he’d keep far, far away.

“I miss you, baby.”

“Yeah. Miss you, too. Gotta go, though. Talk next week.”

She forced a smile and a sad little wave as she said bye, and he clicked off the connection.

Phantom’s nose pushed into his chest, and Wes gave in to the urge to rest his head on top of the dog’s.

CHAPTER THREE

CARA SHIVERED UNDER her bulky sweatshirt, breath huffing out in clouds as she yawned. “It’s so freaking cold.” It always took a few weeks to get into the more bearable mornings, and while she could stay home, what with the abundant help Pruitt Morning Sun now had, she was not about to get pushed out of being a part of it.

Why she felt that way was something she didn’t want to analyze.

Mia smiled. Dell rolled his eyes. Charlie, Dell’s brother, sipped his coffee. “Yes. It is. Why are all four of us here?” Charlie asked.

Cara looked away. Sorry, Charlie, but she wasn’t about to let the Wainwright brothers push her out. Maybe she wasn’t part of the farm, but she’d been a part of Mia’s booth from the beginning. That wasn’t going to change.

She hoped. She had to leave in about half an hour for the stupid interview Mia had set her up with. For making pies. At a real-life restaurant.

The cold dug deeper, and that little voice inside her head that was always right about things whispered, you’re going to screw it up.

“You come of your own accord,” Dell said to his brother. “Feel free not to. Less bitching I have to listen to.”

Charlie sighed heavily, but he didn’t say anything else. He sat on the truck bed, sipping his fancy coffee.

Cara stared at her knees, trying to focus on the cold and will the ominous feelings away. So what if she did mess up the interview? It was a dumb part-time job. One she’d have to quit her salon job over, and then she’d have to find another part-time job that would give her Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays off.

This was ridiculous. How had she let Mia talk her into this? How could Mia conveniently forget that if there was pressure involved, Cara was going to fold? And fold hard. If she dreamed it, she could not do it.

A little bolt of fur shot in front of her, followed by a few yips, then paws on her shins. Sweetness panted up at her expectantly, tail wagging on overdrive.

“Geez, when did you become the anti-dog whisperer?” Dell asked. “Are dogs going to attack you every market day?”

Cara bent down to pet Wes’s littlest dog, a shaggy piece of fur that gave no hint at breed. “She’s not attacking me. Hi, Sweetness. And you are, aren’t you? A bundle of sweetness.”

A shadow stepped over the sun, and it didn’t take a fortune-teller to know that when she looked up at the looming figure, she’d come face-to-face with beard and eyes. “Sorry about her. Apparently she’s got a thing for you.”

And what does her owner have for me? In another situation, like at the bar with her friends as an audience, she probably would have said it. “I don’t mind.” She gave Sweetness a scratch before standing up and moving away from the table where Mia and Dell were dealing with customers. “She escaped you to find me. I’m flattered.”

“You must smell like bacon,” Wes replied, following her and Sweetness to a cluster of trees outside the main row of tables.

“Or I’m irresistible.”

He made a strange kind of grunting sound. “Come on, dog.” His voice was low and grumbly as he patted his thigh to grab Sweetness’s attention.

It certainly caught Cara’s attention. It was a very nice, powerful-looking, denim-clad thigh. Get a grip. He might be hot, and that might usually be all it took for her to flirt with a guy, but she didn’t think she should get involved with someone rumored to be a hermit after being injured in the military.

She wasn’t the nurturing, empathetic, there-there type. She was the suck-it-up-and-let’s-have-fun type. James had made it abundantly clear when he’d broken up with her that he was leaving because she wasn’t at all comforting or helpful when he’d been dealing with his friend’s suicide.

And he’d been right. So, Mr. Wes Stone and his gruff bluster and fluster was way off-limits.

Cara gave Sweetness a little nudge. “Go on with your grumpy daddy.” But Sweetness whined, pushing against Cara’s legs as Wes scowled at her.

“You can borrow her,” he said in that gravelly voice.

“Borrow her?”

“Yeah. You said you were thinking about getting a dog. I have a couple of them I loan out. People wanting to see if their dog’s compatible with other animals, seeing if they can work a dog into their schedule, you know, before committing. It is a commitment.”

“Tell me again why you don’t call yourself their daddy.”

He narrowed his eyes, but there was humor in the look. “Not a daddy. Owner. Master.”

It was probably her imagination that when he said master it sounded kind of dirty. And hot.

Nope. For once in her life she was going to make the right decision when it came to a guy and just not go there. “So, I could really borrow her? For how long?”

“I usually do a week. Lets people see how all aspects of their schedule would be affected and if they’ll get used to any hiccups. It’s not perfect, but it helps.”

Sweetness yipped. “I don’t have any dog supplies or—”

“I have a loaner kit. Food, treats, leash, you know.”

“You really do this a lot?”

“I don’t usually offer strange women my dogs for fun, no.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “I have to get back to my booth. You interested or what? You can take her after the market. I might have a kit in my truck.”

“Yeah.” Be nice to have a little company in her empty apartment, even if it didn’t speak. “Um, I have this interview thing in a bit. Could I pick her up from you this afternoon?”

“From me?”

“We can meet at a centralized, public location if you’re afraid I might peel off your skin and eat it.”

“Skin...peeling?”

She wouldn’t have pegged him as a guy with a great sense of humor, but there was a flash of one there. Maybe he wasn’t all gloom and doom? “I promise to keep it to a minimum.”

He snorted. “All right.” Then he fidgeted. “Um.” He pulled a wallet out of his pocket, then a little business card out of the wallet. All black and white. Organic Dog Treats. Wes Stone. Website and phone number. “Call me when you’re ready to come, and I’ll give you directions.”

Do not make a dirty joke. Do not make a dirty joke. “Yeah, okay.” And then because she couldn’t work it out, asked, “You seriously do this just because?”

“I seriously do.”

“You’re not trying to hit on me or something?” Because she couldn’t remember a time a guy had been nice just to be nice. To her, anyway. Her reputation in New Benton didn’t exactly lend itself to a lot of nice from the male population.

He frowned. “If I was trying to h-hit on you, I would not do it by lending you an annoying little yap dog with a terrible name.”

“Really? You don’t know much about women, do you?”

She could have sworn that underneath the grizzly beard he was blushing.

It wouldn’t be the first time she’d made a guy blush.

“Well, anyway, I should be done by twelve-thirty.” She waved the card. “I’ll give you a call. I could definitely use a furry friend after this dumb interview.” All the good feelings Sweetness had produced faltered in the face of pre-interview nerves. So, she worked up her widest grin. “And I do mean the dog, though if that falls through, you’d be a good backup.”

“Ha. Ha.” Definitely blushing. He turned and stalked back to his booth, and this time Sweetness listened and followed him.

Cara looked down at his card. Okay, maybe flirting with him was inevitable, but she would keep in mind he was probably in a fragile mental state and she had no business being a part of that.

At least she would try to keep that in mind.

* * *

WES THREW THE rope bone as hard as he could with his left hand. It veered into a cluster of trees, and he cursed. The pins and needles in his right arm were doing their dance, and he wanted to cut his own arm off to end the annoyance.

His left hand and arm had gotten more usable with practice, but it had yet to give him the controlled response his dominant hand had before.

He was going to have to go to the doctor again, and that made him want to pound his fists in fury. When would this be over?

The headache throbbed behind his left eye. His arm bothering him caused stress, and that caused a migraine. A fun circle he didn’t know how to escape, even after four years of being stateside.

When he heard the car in the distance, he knew it would be Cara, since he’d given her directions about forty-five minutes ago. He rarely let people come out here, but she’d sounded odd on the phone and his arm was bothering him, so driving out to her didn’t sound appealing.

Now the woman he had no business fantasizing about was going to be at his house. To pick up Sweetness for a loan week. Not to enact any fantasies. Lame fantasies, at that, considering how little experience he had in that particular arena.