His Girl Next Door: The Army Ranger's Return / New York's Finest Rebel / The Girl from Honeysuckle Farm

Ryan could hear his own breathing, and he could hear hers, too. It was as if there was nothing else in the world around them, like they were the only two people on the street, in this moment.

He raised his arm, high enough to reach out and touch her face, and wiped the tiniest bit of ice cream from Jessica’s mouth. Maybe he had imagined it, maybe he’d gently wiped away nothing. Maybe he just wanted an excuse to get closer to her, to be pulled toward her like a magnet to metal.

His arm ached, he felt a dull throb as he held it up, but he didn’t care. He’d felt worse, and she was worth it. Touching her was worth any lick of pain, no matter how bad.

“Thanks,” she whispered, eyes flickering low then higher again.

Ryan stood there. He gave her the chance to walk away, to move back so their bodies weren’t so close. When she didn’t he closed in, stepped forward and leaned toward her. She was tall but not as tall as him, the top of her head just higher than his chin.

“Jess,” he murmured.

She nodded.

He pushed her arm down slightly, so she had to move her cone away from her body. It allowed him to get closer. Their chests were close, hovering, but not pressed together.

Ryan dipped his head, waited in case she wanted to move away. But she didn’t.

Jessica raised her chin, inclined it up toward him.

He took a deep breath, looked at her mouth, couldn’t pull his eyes away, then dropped his mouth to hers. Gently, ever so gently, he brushed his lips across Jessica’s.

She tasted sweet, intoxicating. Gelato mixed with the warmth of a woman who wasn’t sure, who wasn’t used to being kissed in the street on a first date.

Ryan couldn’t pull away, couldn’t force his feet back. Instead he pressed their bodies that little bit closer, and touched his lips to hers again, more firmly this time.

Jessica couldn’t breathe. She was finding it hard enough staying upright, let alone making her lungs work.

His lips fell on hers again, brushing, teasing, tasting. She couldn’t help the tiny moan that escaped her mouth. Ryan’s lips were soft yet strong, gentle yet firm, and it was turning her body into jelly.

He slowly pulled his lips away, raised his head high enough to look into her eyes.

“Hey,” he whispered.

“Hey,” she managed to reply.

They stood like that, bodies pressed together, neither ready to back away.

Ryan cleared his throat.

“I think your gelato’s dripping down my arm.”

“Oh!” Jessica jumped back and worked to clean up her cone, to stop the drips.

“Napkin?”

She nodded.

He walked back over to the ice cream vendor and retrieved a handful of paper napkins.

They wiped at their cones and started to eat them again, standing like a pair of teenagers who had no idea what to say to one another after their first kiss.

Jessica’s body was singing, talking to her like a record on repeat. Telling her how good that had felt.

She’d just been kissed like she’d never been kissed before in her life. Her body was tingling, her skin on fire, alive. And her lips were tender from the thorough way his lips had danced over hers.

When Ryan grinned at her she couldn’t help but do the same back.

“Shall we head back to the car?” he asked her.

Jessica nodded. And when he reached for her hand and took it against his big palm, she didn’t resist. His skin was smooth but worn, a testament to the work he did.

Now there was no mistaking it.

This was definitely, without a doubt, one hundred percent a date.

Jessica wondered if it was possible for a heart to beat so hard that it could pump right through a chest cavity.

It didn’t matter what she did, hers was heaving away so madly she could barely concentrate. She only hoped Ryan couldn’t hear it.

He walked around and opened the door. This time when he’d pulled up, she’d sat there in her seat, hadn’t moved. And now he was towering above her.

Jessica gulped and forced herself to step out. She was torn. Part of her wanted another breathtaking, spine-numbing kiss. For Ryan to hold her in his arms and cocoon her, wrap her tight against him and kiss the breath from her over and over again.

But the other part told her to scurry inside her house as fast as she could. To never look back and to forget what had happened. No letting herself hope. Or think about what he’d said in the restaurant. Because no matter how much she liked him or wanted to take things further, his words had echoed in her mind over and over, reminding her of what he’d been through, telling her to be careful.

Reminding her of what he never wanted to go through again.

And it made her feel like she was deceiving him.

“It was great seeing you tonight, Jess.”

Ryan held out his hand and she took it. Tried to ignore the tingle she felt when their skin connected.

He didn’t let go.

“I had a really good time.” Her voice was failing her, going all soft and breathy, but she couldn’t help it.

He twisted her hand gently so their palms fell together and pushed the door shut with his other.

Ryan walked her up the path to her front door, slowly. “Good enough that you don’t want it to end?”

“Yeah,” she admitted. Only she couldn’t ask him in. She wasn’t ready for what it might mean or what he might think it meant.

“Can I call you tomorrow?”

Jessica was relieved he wasn’t going to ask if he could come in. She would have been powerless to say no if he’d given her the option.

“Until tomorrow,” she agreed.

“Well, I guess it’s good night then,” he murmured.

Jessica tried not to wriggle. He still had hold of her hand, was turning her palm over so her wrist was facing up.

“’Night,” she whispered.

Ryan smiled at her, a lazy smile that made her heart start thumping wildly all over again.

He brought his lips down slowly to her wrist, pressed a kiss there, then turned her hand back over. The touch of his lips, soft and pillowy, left an emotional indent on her skin.

It was one of the most intimate touches she’d ever experienced.

Ryan walked a few steps backward while she stood there. Immobile. She looked up at him and for a moment, words refused to form in her throat.

Then he took her breath away. “You know, I think you might just be better in real life than you were on paper,” he said and he laughed as he turned, hand raised up over his head in a wave goodbye.

Jessica laughed until tears sprang into her eyes and she didn’t miss the cheeky grin on his face as he winked before driving off. You are, too, she thought. You are so much better in real life than on paper, and I never could have imagined it.

Tonight had been crazy. Amazing.

But scary too.

Because here she was, standing on her porch, watching the taillights of his car disappear down the road, feeling like she had maybe, just maybe, fallen head over heels in love with a man who wasn’t within her reach.

If they’d met under different circumstances, maybe it would have been different. But she’d promised herself time to heal, to not let anyone else in, and here she was wishing things could be different.

And Ryan didn’t want this, either. He might think he did, but he didn’t. Not if he knew the truth about her.

He had told her what had happened with his wife, she knew how much it had hurt him, the demons it had created that he’d never truly been able to shake. And tonight, he’d made it clear he could never cope with cancer again. Had spoken of it like the hideous disease it was.

But cancer was still as much a part of her life right now as her family was. It wasn’t something she could pretend she’d never had or might never have again in the future. She was in the safe zone now, but it didn’t mean it wouldn’t come back or haunt her again one day. Unlikely, given the fact she’d had an elective double mastectomy, but it still worried her every day.

She knew what losing someone was like—the disease had taken her sister, too. So she couldn’t blame Ryan for how he felt.

So would it be lying if she didn’t tell him? If she just enjoyed his company while he was here, before he was redeployed? Would that make her a bad person, after what he’d told her tonight?

Jessica wiped tears away as they fell, heavy on her cheeks. This time she wasn’t laughing. This time her tears hurt.

She wasn’t going to say no to fun, but what had happened tonight hadn’t just felt like fun.

It had felt like the start of something great.

Jessica heard shuffling then scratching on the other side of the door. It brought the smile back to her face.

“Hey, Herc.”

She unlocked the door and picked her scruffy little boy up, holding him close to her chest. He licked at her face, tucked tightly against her body.

“Hey, baby. Come on, let’s go to bed.”

Hercules wriggled to get down and danced down the hall, his tiny feet padding on the carpet. He looked up at her, waiting, happy about tucking up in bed beside her.

“At least I’ll always have you, huh?”

His tongue lolled out, as if he was smiling up at her.

She felt tears well at the back of her eyes again, and she didn’t try to stop them. Life could be so unfair sometimes. Just when you thought you’d been through enough, coped with all you could, something else came along to steal the breath from your lungs and the fight from your soul.

CHAPTER SIX

Dear Jessica,

It’s funny what you’ve done to me. For all this time I’ve avoided coming home, and now that I want to I don’t know how long it’ll be before I can. If you believe I can make things right with my son, then I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. Let’s hope we can sit together and laugh one day, and you can say I told you so.

Hope you’re well and that you’re not sick of writing to me yet. You’ve got no idea how your letters bring a smile to this soldier’s face. I haven’t had a lot to look forward to for a while, and your letters make a world of difference.

Here’s to seeing you soon.

Ryan

“PUSH UP AS hard as you can then hold.”

Ryan felt his mouth twist into a grimace. This was hard. Harder than last time, but then he was making himself work as much as he could physically endure.

The physio pushed down on him, forcing him to exert as much energy, as much power, as possible.

“Okay, and relax,” she instructed.

He let his arm drop. The thud started again, the pain that seemed to shoot through every inch of his skin on that side when he exercised too hard. He’d told her the pain wasn’t bad because he wanted to go as hard as he could.

Maybe that hadn’t been such a great idea.

Ryan wiped away the sweat that had formed on his forehead.

“You did good today.”

He gave the physio what he hoped was an innocent smile. “Why don’t we keep going? Another few reps?”

She shook her head, not fooled this time. “You going to tell me again that it doesn’t hurt?”

Ryan reached for his workout towel and wiped it over his face. She had him there. Perhaps she’d seen through his bravado the entire time. Seen the pain in his face each time he pushed himself too far.

“I just want to get stronger again as fast as I can.”

“And I want you to develop your strength slowly, so you can use your arm properly until you’re an old man,” she said tartly.

Ryan laughed. He couldn’t argue with that.

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

He looked up at her. “Shoot.”

“I was just wondering why you boys are always in such a hurry to get back to your unit? I get that you’re all close, but isn’t it nice having an excuse to be home for once?” she asked curiously.

Ryan understood what she was saying. Lots of people seemed to think that way, but they didn’t get what it was like to have such an unbreakable bond with another group of men. To feel that closeness and not want to let your team down. The way he felt about his unit was indescribable. He could probably never find words to explain it.

Maybe if his wife was still alive he’d have finished up in the army already, but now …? Well, now the army was his focus, what kept him going.

“It’s hard to explain,” Ryan said, complying as she flexed his fingers back and stretched his muscles out. “There’s something about not wanting to let your unit down, but it’s also about wanting to do the right thing.”

She smiled, but he didn’t think she understood. Not really.

“It’s not that I want to be redeployed more than being here, but I’m good at it. It’s what I do best.”

He was sure better at that than at being a dad.

“So you still want to get fixed up as soon as possible, right? Get back to wherever it is they want to send you.”

He nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

She gave him a pat on the back. He could see she didn’t truly get it, but his physio was great at her job. And truth be told, not many civilians could ever understand the bond and camaraderie a good soldier enjoyed with his unit.

“Same time on Tuesday. And don’t leave here until you’ve stretched out some more.”

Ryan watched as she walked away. He sat there, thinking, barely noticing the other people in the room.

He always felt so useless, so powerless when he was here, even though he knew he was making good progress. Because it didn’t matter how hard he tried, he was never as strong as he wanted to be.

Ryan took a deep, long gulp of water before moving to stretch out his muscles some more. He knew he’d be sore in the morning if he didn’t do as she’d said.

He couldn’t help but think that the only time lately he hadn’t thought about his weakness, about what was holding him back physically, was when he’d been with Jessica. Last night he hadn’t thought about his arm once. Even when it had ached as he’d lifted it to touch her face, the pain had been nothing.

Or nothing compared to not letting his skin brush against hers.

He liked that she made him smile. That she listened to him.

That she blushed every time they were close, or the way a smile hinted at the corners of her mouth when he spoke.

For a guy who had sworn to never let another woman close again he sure could have fooled himself. Because when he was with Jessica, close to her, beside her, there was no other place he wanted to be. He couldn’t offer her a future, anything more than a friendship or short-term relationship really, but he’d been honest with her. He was only back for a short time. No matter how much he liked her, his duty was to his unit, and he would be back serving again as soon as he passed the physical.

Maybe one day in the future they could be something more, but right now he didn’t know what his long-term future held. His timing was way off, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him seeing her now.

If only he could repair his relationship with his son, he’d feel like he was making real progress being back here.

He stood and tried to ignore the pain as it twinged through his biceps.

Ryan smiled. He might have said no to the pain medication his doctor had prescribed, but Jessica was purely organic and the best pain relief he could wish for. He dialed her number. He didn’t care if asking her out again tonight was too soon. He wanted to see her and it wasn’t like he had all the time in the world.

If she was up for some fun while he was here, then he wanted to spend as much time with her as he could. Whether that was just hanging out together or something more.

Jessica stretched back and closed her eyes. The sun felt good on her skin. Like it was soaking through her pores to warm her from the inside out.

Hercules’s bark made her open her eyes. He was chasing Bella’s daughter, Ruby, around the yard, running alongside her and bouncing up and down.

Jess laughed. “Better than any toy, right?”

Bella agreed. “Nothing makes her giggle like that dog of yours.”

“You know it’s funny, but I don’t think I could ever tire of hearing that little girl laugh.”

They both sat back to watch the game between dog and child.

Bella was like her sister. When her own sister had died, Bella had been there for her, unwavering in her support even though it had been a lot for another teenager to cope with. And now Jessica liked to be there for Ruby. It was her way of paying Bella back for all she’d done. In the past and when Jess had been sick, too. Bella had never let her down.

Jessica watched as her brother, Steven, pushed himself up off the grass and stretched out his legs. He’d been lying back, swigging on a beer with Bella’s husband, but she figured the barbeque was calling him.

“Are Mom and Dad coming over?”

Steven dropped a kiss to her head as he passed. “Nope. They had some old-folks thing to go to.”

They all laughed at him.

“They’re not that old.”

Steven shrugged. “When you choose bingo over a real night out, you’re getting old.”

Jessica made a noise in her throat but she could hardly reprimand him. Aside from the fact he was her older brother, Steven didn’t mean a word of it. He loved their parents as much as she did.

“You wouldn’t get me a beer would you?” he asked.

This time she stood up and thumped him on the arm. “If you weren’t so charming I’d tell you to get it yourself.”

Steven pouted and made them all laugh again. “Then who’d make you burgers?”

Jess stood up and walked inside. She liked it here. Steven’s place was a bachelor pad, not exactly warm and cosy like her house, but it always felt good. They’d had plenty of good times here, fun times with friends and their little family. It was like her second home.

Jessica reached into the fridge for a six-pack of beer just as her phone rang, vibrating and singing in her jeans pocket.

“Ouch!” She hit her head and almost dropped the beer. Darn phone, she thought. “Hello?”

The voice on the other end made her close the fridge and lean against it.

“Hey, Jess, it’s Ryan.”

She took a moment to catch her breath. Ryan. How could the sound of his voice make her legs wobble like that? Her heart was pounding.

“Hey.”

“I was wondering if you were free tonight?”

Heck. She could hardly bail on her brother and Bella, not when they’d been planning to all catch up together for weeks.

But an offer from Ryan was sure tempting.

“Ah, I’m actually out already. At a barbeque.”

There was a beat of silence.

“Oh sure, no problem. Maybe another time.”

Jess cringed. She didn’t want to say no to him. Well, she did and she didn’t, she couldn’t decide, but right now saying no felt like the wrong answer. Especially after that kiss last night.

She sighed. Kisses plural, more like.

“Ryan, I …”

Jessica looked out the window at her brother goofing around, chasing her dog. Bella was sitting on her husband’s knee, laughing as her daughter bounced up and down with excitement as she played.

Would it be so bad if she asked Ryan over?

“It’s fine, really, we can just catch up some other time.”

“No, I mean, why don’t you come join me? It’s only a few of us. Just casual,” she said.

He went silent again. Jessica pressed her ear closer to the phone, harder, willing him to say yes and terrified at the same time.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.”

“I’d love to see you again. We’re sitting around having a beer and waiting for my—” Jess paused and watched Steven entertain Ruby “—idiot brother to get started with the meat patties.”

“I’ll see you soon then.”

Jessica gave him directions then hung up. She leaned against the fridge again and tried to steady her thoughts. Had she done the right thing?

Probably not, but she was desperate to see him again. To be near him, to touch him and see whether she’d imagined what had happened yesterday. To see if maybe the connection hadn’t been as strong as she’d remembered it to be.

Or whether it was even stronger.

To see whether he was worth the heartache that was sure to come when he left again in a couple of months’ time. Because no matter how much she told herself she was okay with his leaving, she’d never allowed herself to get close to a man before without thinking there was a chance at some sort of future.

“You making the beer yourself, sis?”

Steven’s call forced her to move her feet, reach back in for the beers and go outside.

He gave her a puzzled look when she walked out again. He dropped his cooking utensil and moved toward her but she put up her hand.

“I’m fine.”

He was overprotective. Always worrying about her, especially after the cancer. But he’d already lost one sister, she could hardly blame him for wanting to keep her safe.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

She waved her hand in the air and tried to relax. “I was just chatting to a friend on the phone.” Jess gave Bella a sharp look, but her friend was already smiling. She had guessed exactly whom she’d been talking to.

“Oh.” Steven looked unsure but he turned back to the meat.

“He’s, ah, going to come over and join us soon, actually.”

“He?” Steven growled.

Now Steven was holding his cooking utensil at a scary angle, like he was about to behead someone with it.

Jess gulped. She should have predicted this. “Yes, he,” she repeated, standing up to her brother. “I think I mentioned that I had a pen pal, a soldier who I wrote to.”

The look on Steven’s face spelt thunder. There was a possibility he could have summoned a hurricane just with his expression. “And he’s coming here? Now?”

“He’s a friend, Steven, nothing to get concerned about.”

He grimaced then turned away from her. Bella was wriggling in her chair, but Jess shook her head. She didn’t want this to become a big deal. Right now Ryan was just a friend, and the last thing she needed was Steven getting worked up over it.

“His name is Ryan, and he’s back for a while to recover. He had surgery and as soon as he’s better he’ll be back with his unit, so there is absolutely no reason to overreact. It’s not like he’s even here for long,” she told him.

Steven shrugged, but he didn’t turn around. She could tell he wasn’t happy about it. But then given her recent track record, she could hardly blame him.

“And I don’t want him knowing about the cancer.”

That made him turn. Now he looked like Neptune about to command the entire ocean. “What kind of friend do you have to keep your cancer from?”

She reached for the bottle opener and popped the top off a beer for Steven. She passed it to him.

“The kind of friend who doesn’t need to know. Okay?”

He took the beer and tipped it up, draining a third of the bottle. “If he hurts you, I’ll deck him.”

She had no doubt that he’d try. Her only issue was that even with a less than perfect arm, Ryan could probably kill her brother with his bare hands.

Bella waved her over and Jess went to sit beside her.

“He only wants to protect you,” Bella said quietly.

Jess knew that, she did. And she liked that he was always there for her. After what her ex had done to her, she couldn’t blame her brother. She’d been left heartbroken, facing surgery and serious chemotherapy on her own. One moment she’d been looking forward to a wedding, and the next she’d been fighting for her life without the man she’d once loved by her side.

Ryan was different though. He’d been there for his wife, by her side, and she’d lost her battle. He might not want to go back to that dark place ever again, but it wasn’t something she could fault him for. He was a different kind of man. Honorable. Dependable.

“Is it so bad that I don’t want him to know?” she asked Bella in a low voice.