The Right Woman

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted us to have a chance to visit and now we do.” Serena linked an arm through Sarah’s.

Almost on cue, Ethan stood. “I’ll take Jassy and see if I can track down Daniel. I haven’t talked to him in a while.”

Sarah’s heart skipped a beat. Should she tell Ethan that Daniel was quitting his job? No. She’d let Daniel do that.

“What about lunch?”

Jassy clapped her hands. “I’m gonna get a Happy Meal. Mommy said I could.”

Ethan grimaced. “Daddy’s really looking forward to this.”

Jassy heard the displeasure in Ethan’s voice. Her bottom lip dropped. “Mommy said I could.”

Serena quickly took her out of Ethan’s arms and kissed her. “Yes, my baby. Since you did so well in your gymnastics class I said you could have a treat.”

“I jump real high, don’t I, Mommy?”

“Higher than anyone else.”

“And I can turn a flip, too.” She looked at Sarah. “Wanna see?”

Serena held her tighter to keep her from getting down. “You can put your shorts on tonight and show Sari and Gran everything you can do. I think Daddy’s ready to go.” Serena kissed her again. “Have a good time.”

Ethan took Jassy from Serena, giving his wife a lingering kiss in the process. “See you later,” he whispered to Serena, then walked out the door with Jassy talking non-stop.

Sarah opened the refrigerator. “I made chicken salad last night so I wouldn’t have to cook today. I’ll cut up some fruit and we’ll have lunch.”

“I’ll make the tea,” Serena offered.

For the next thirty minutes they were busy preparing and eating the meal. Gran sat back and smiled.

“It’s so good to have my girls together, but now I’m going to take a nap. I haven’t worked this hard in ages.”

After Gran left, they cleaned the kitchen. Sarah poured more tea into their cups. “Let’s go into the den.”

Serena curled up in a comfortable chair and Sarah sat on the sofa. She kicked off her shoes and drew up her knees.

Serena sipped her tea and waited.

“How are things in Junction Flat?” Sarah asked, unable to say the words she wanted to, had to, say.

“Great. I love the peace and quiet and I love teaching.”

“I don’t have to ask how you and Ethan are doing. You’re still so in love.”

“Yes.” Serena grinned. “That will never change, but no marriage is perfect. We have problems, too.”

“Ethan’s overprotectiveness with Jassy?”

Serena brushed back her hair. “It was such a battle to let her take gymnastics and it all stems from his fear of losing her like he lost Ryan. His son was about Jassy’s age when he fell off those boxes and died from the injuries to his head.”

“It has to be devastating to lose a child.”

“Yes, and Ethan knows he goes overboard. He’s just so afraid, but I’ve told him that we can’t keep her locked up away from the world. We have to let her grow.”

“What did he say?”

“He understands, but it’s difficult for him to do. I explained the running and jumping would be good for her. She’d learn how to fall.”

“Did he agree?”

“Not for an instant and he was so nervous watching her I thought I’d have to tie him to his seat.”

“He just loves her,” Sarah said.

“Yes. Ethan loves very deeply. That’s one of the things I love most about him.”

“You’re very lucky.”

“Hmm.” Serena’s eyes grew dreamy. “And I have a solution to our problem.”

“What?”

“Another baby.”

Sarah raised an eyebrow. “Does Ethan agree?” Ethan had gone through such pain over losing his son that he’d never wanted to have another child. It had taken Serena a year before she was convinced that he was ready.

“Let’s just say I’m working on him. He spends all day with Jassy and when she starts school, he’s going to be lost without her. Another child would definitely divide his attention and worry.”

As Sarah listened, she wished her life was that simple, her problems so easy to solve. Serena and Ethan loved each other and they would work out their differences, but Sarah feared her pain was too deep to ever assuage. She had to try, though. She couldn’t stay in denial forever.

Serena watched her for a moment. “My life’s not what you wanted to talk about. What’s wrong, Sarah?”

Sarah rested her chin on her knees and stared down at her toes. She used to paint her nails, but she hadn’t done that in years.

“Sarah—” Serena prompted.

She took a long breath. “I’ve told you so many times that I’m fine. I realized today that I’m not.”

“What happened?”

Sarah told her about Brooke Wallace.

“How awful.”

“It is,” Sarah agreed. “When she asked me if the shame and horror would ever go away, I should have been able to say yes. But I couldn’t honestly say that, and it shook me.”

“What did you say?”

“I told her that in time with a concentrated effort she could put it behind her and that she had to talk to people.” She shook her head. “I haven’t done any of that. I pushed what happened to me to the back of my mind and I’ve never really faced it or conquered all those bad feelings. Instead I’ve burrowed further and further inside myself until…” She stopped. “Do you know what the cops call me?”

“No.”

“Colder Than Ice. And it’s true. I’m frozen inside and I can’t feel anymore. I won’t allow myself to feel. I can’t…I…”

“Oh, Sarah.” Serena jumped up and went to her, holding her tight. “I think you’ve done remarkably well considering all you’ve been through.”

“No. I just did what I had to—going through the motions of living.”

Serena leaned back. “You saw your fiancé killed then you were brutalized by a drug lord and forced to strip in a disgusting club. After that you found out you had an identical twin sister and a grandmother you knew nothing about—and Celia, the woman who raised you, who you thought was your grandmother, was really your father’s wife. That’s a tremendous amount of trauma for anyone to deal with.”

When Sarah didn’t speak, Serena added, “I’m so proud of you and I’m sure listening to that young girl’s terrifying story brought back a lot of painful memories.”

“It didn’t bring them back—that’s what I’m trying to tell you. I’ve never let go of them. I haven’t dealt with my past. I help other people, but I can’t help myself. Even Daniel knows that.”

“Daniel?”

“I see him occasionally when I’m working and when I do, he looks at me with such concern and empathy. That irritates me. He always asks how I am. That irritates me more. I’ve tried to understand why that is, but I’ve never found an answer. Last night he was at the hospital and after everyone had left he asked why I resented him so much. Words spilled out before I could stop them and I said some hurtful things.”

“Like what?”

“Like I blame him for Greg’s death and I don’t appreciate him always looking over my shoulder to make sure I’m okay. I don’t need his help or concern and I told him to stay away from me.”

“Oh, Sarah.”

“I know. He’s been nothing but kind and helpful. He saw something, though, that I couldn’t—that I’m falling apart. I lashed out because…”

“Because what?”

Sarah swallowed hard. “Because it goes much deeper. I realized that today, too.” She stared off past Serena’s shoulder. “Remember that day Ethan and Daniel rescued us from Boyd’s apartment?”

“I’m not likely to ever forget it.”

“I was so afraid Boyd was going to kill you and Ethan like he killed Greg. I passed out and when I came to, I was lying on the floor and Daniel had his ear against my breasts. At first I didn’t know what was going on, then I realized my robe was open and I didn’t have anything on but a pair of bikini panties. I knew he was a policeman and I was so embarrassed.”

Serena rubbed her arm. “You shouldn’t be. We were all very worried about you. Daniel was just trying to see if you were still breathing. I don’t think he even noticed you were almost naked.”

“But I noticed.” She blinked back a tear. “Sometimes I dream I’m on that stage, taking off my clothes, and I hear the men hollering and whistling. I didn’t want Daniel to see me like that.”

“Are you saying you have feelings for Daniel?”

“No, but I don’t want him to see me that way.”

“What way?”

“Like a slut.”

Serena caught Sarah’s face and turned it so she could look into her eyes. “Listen to me. You’re not a slut. No one, including Daniel, sees you that way. You’re a beautiful, talented, courageous young woman. And you’re strong—stronger than I ever could be. I love you and I’m so glad you’re my sister.”

Sarah wrapped her arms around Serena and rested her head on her shoulder. “Help me, Serena. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I want the pain and nightmares to stop. I know all the textbook stuff, but it’s hard to apply that to myself.”

“Okay, then, let’s do something different.”

Sarah pulled back. “Like what?”

Serena became thoughtful. “Well, you say you’re cold, so let’s warm you up.”

“Do you have something in mind?”

“Yes, and of course this is a lay person’s point of view—to make a woman feel better about herself, it helps to make her look great on the outside. Once you gain some confidence in your femininity again, I think the rest will follow. As a counselor you’ll have to sort through all the debris that’s making you feel this way and I’ll be here to help you any way I can.”

“Thank you,” Sarah replied, gaining confidence from her sister. “True healing comes from here—” she placed a hand over her heart “—and here.” She pointed to her head. “But in my case, working on the exterior couldn’t hurt and I know exactly where to start.” Excitement bubbled inside her. She had to change herself outwardly before her emotions ever had a chance to heal. She unbuttoned the top two buttons on her blouse, then thought, What the hell? and undid another.

Serena jumped up. “And the hair. We need to do something with the hair.” Her eyes grew bright. “Let’s do a complete makeover. We have the whole afternoon to create a lot of warmth.”

Sarah got to her feet. “What about Ethan, Jassy and Gran?”

“I’ll call Ethan on his cell phone. He’s been wanting to visit a ranching supply place here and Jassy’s happy as long as she’s with her daddy. I’ll leave Gran a note. After the busy morning, she’ll be glad for a break.”

“Then let’s do it,” Sarah said with gusto.

“Okay.” Serena studied Sarah. “I’m thinking shorter hair. What are you thinking?”

Sarah smiled. “I’m thinking I’m so glad you’re home.”

DANIEL WALKED INTO the police station and found Russ Devers slipping on his jacket, ready to go out. Russ was, as Sarah had said, a macho cop. Daniel and Russ had clashed many times, mainly about correct police procedure, which Russ tended to ignore. He broke the rules constantly and his lieutenant had a list of complaints about the methods he used to get the job done. There were complaints about his appearance, too. His hair was pulled back into a ponytail and his clothes looked as if he’d gotten them out of the hamper. He chewed constantly on a toothpick, fighting a smoking habit. But Russ was good at solving crimes, so the grievances were filed away.

“What’s the matter, Daniel?” Russ spouted off. “Didn’t you get the message last night? I don’t require your help anymore.”

Daniel clenched his jaw at Russ’s attempt to assert his authority. But he’d come here for a reason.

“I didn’t come to argue with you, Russ. I came to apologize.”

Russ stopped stuffing papers into his pocket and looked up. “Well, I’ll be damned. You’re actually admitting you were wrong.”

“Yes. I stepped over the line last night and I apologize for that.”

Russ shrugged. “What am I supposed to say? That I won’t report you?”

“Do whatever you feel you have to. Just go easy on the girl. She’s just a kid.”

“Don’t tell me how to do my job,” Russ spat, biting down on the toothpick. “That girl knows something and I’ll get it out of her as long as Ms. Welch stays out of my way.”

Daniel sighed heavily. “If she knows something, which I doubt, you’ll never get it out of her by using heavy-handed tactics.”

“You really piss me off with that ‘good cop’ attitude.”

“Well, Russ, you catch this guy and I’ll stay the hell out of your way forever.”

Russ was ready to say more, but Joel walked up. “Ready, Russ?”

“Yeah.” Russ picked up his cell phone and attached it to his belt. “We’re meeting with the kid who threw the party to get the names of everyone who was there. Then we’ll have the name of the rapist and Miss Wallace will help to finger him.”

“I hope you catch him,” was all Daniel said.

Russ brushed past him. “I will, and I don’t need your help.”

Daniel didn’t respond. He didn’t feel he had to.

Russ stopped and turned back. “Thanks for the apology.”

Daniel nodded and watched in silence as Russ and Joel walked away. He hadn’t mentioned that he was quitting the force. It wasn’t any of Russ’s business. He was quitting. For the first time, the word played in his mind. He’d never quit anything in his life and the words suddenly stuck in his throat. He was quitting.

His phone buzzed and he wiped the thought away.

“Daniel, it’s Ethan.”

“Hey, Ethan, how the hell are you?” He’d never felt so glad to hear his old friend’s voice.

“Fine. I was hoping you had time for lunch.”

“Sure. I’m free.”

“You might change your mind when I tell you where I’m at.”

“Try me.”

“McDonald’s.”

Daniel laughed. “You have Jassy with you.”

“Yeah.”

“Tell me which one and I’ll be there as fast as I can.”

Within ten minutes he was pulling up at a McDonald’s. He found Ethan in the kid’s area watching Jassy on a slide.

He shook Ethan’s hand. “It’s good to see you. Let me get some coffee and I’ll be right back.”

He returned with a steaming cup in his hand. Sitting, he pulled his coat tighter around him. “It’s cold out here.”

“Try telling that to my daughter.”

Daniel watched Jassy as she played with another little girl. “Man, she looks just like Serena.” And Sarah. Don’t think about her.

“Yeah. Isn’t she beautiful?”

Daniel shook his head in amusement. “You still have that lovesick quality in your voice just talking about Serena.”

“Life’s been pretty wonderful lately,” Ethan admitted.

Daniel took a sip of the hot coffee. “So how’s the rest of the family?”

“Fine. Molly’s happy being a wife and mother again. Travis is in Nashville and it looks like he’s finally going to get a record deal.”

“Last time I saw him he was singing with this woman who had an awesome voice. They were getting a lot of attention here in Dallas.”

“It was like a domino effect. Someone saw them and told this guy from a record company, then he came down and invited them to Nashville. They’ve been there about six months.”

“Hope it works out for him.”

“Me, too. He’s been dreaming about this since he was fifteen.”

“And Walt? How’s he?”

Ethan leaned back. “Now that’s a whole other story. My father has been seeing Mrs. Alma Ferguson about five years now. The other night I caught him sneaking in at five in the morning. I told him I didn’t understand why he didn’t just spend the whole night. He’s in his seventies and as long as he practices safe sex I was okay with it. He did not appreciate my sense of humor and he had a few choice words to say about respecting my elders. So I’m just letting Pop do his thing. He’s happy. Mrs. Alma’s happy. And I’m staying out of it.”

Daniel twisted his cup. “I hope when I’m that age, I’ll still be thinking about women.”

“Anyone in particular?”

Suddenly Daniel saw blue eyes and red hair.

“Daniel?”

“What?”

Ethan raised an eyebrow. “You seem a bit out of it today.”

Daniel ran both hands through his hair. “I’m quitting the force.”

“What!”

“I’m tired, Ethan. Tired of crime. Tired of the bad guys always getting the best of us. I lock a bastard up for selling drugs to kids and he’s back on the street within a week doing the same thing. The revolving door never stops and I’ve had it.”

“I hate to hear that. You’re one of the best cops I’ve ever worked with.”

“Your sister-in-law has a different opinion.” He shouldn’t have said that, but it seemed to slip out. Stop thinking about her.

“Sarah?”

“I guess it all comes back to Rudy Boyd and all the lives he’s destroyed.”

“But you got him, Daniel. He’s on death row waiting for an execution date.”

“That won’t change things for Sarah or Greg.”

“You can’t blame yourself.”

“I do, though. I should have been aware of what Greg was doing.”

“You trusted him—like I’ve trusted men under me. Greg broke that trust, not you.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t help me to sleep better at night.”

“Daniel…”

“Daddy, Daddy.” Jassy crawled into Ethan’s lap. “Did you watch me, Daddy?”

“I’m always watching you.” He wrapped his arms around her. “Do you remember Daniel?”

Jassy nodded and said, “Hi.”

“You have the most beautiful blue eyes,” Daniel said, mesmerized by their brightness.

“I got my mommy’s eyes,” she told him.

“Sarah has them, too.” He didn’t even realize he’d spoken the words out loud until he saw Ethan’s face.

“Mommy and Sari are just alike, but Daddy and me can tell them apart. We know Mommy, don’t we, Daddy?”

“You bet we know Mommy.”

Daniel stood. “I’d better go.”

“Why don’t you come back to the house with us? Serena would love to see you.”

Daniel shook his head. “Thanks, but I’ve been working on a case and I have some loose ends to tie up. After I see the lieutenant on Monday, I’m flying to France to see my parents.”

“Sarah will be there,” Ethan added with a sheepish grin as if he knew exactly what was on Daniel’s mind—a woman he couldn’t get out of his head.

“Ah, Ethan, I think you’re reading me like a book.”

“I recognize the signs.” Ethan got to his feet with Jassy in his arms. “Take some time. Don’t give up a career you love out of guilt, and stop blaming yourself for things you have no control over. Most important, talk to Sarah.”

Daniel didn’t tell Ethan he already had. He didn’t want his friend caught in the middle. He’d deal with the situation in his own way.

“I’ll think about it,” he said, reaching over to kiss Jassy’s cheek. “Kiss your mom for me.”

“No.” Jassy frowned. “You can’t kiss my mommy. Only Daddy kisses Mommy.”

“Jasmine Marie,” Ethan scolded gently. “That’s not nice.”

“I’m sorry.” Jassy hung her head.

Daniel touched her soft cheek. “It’s okay and I promise to never kiss your mommy.”

“Okay.” Jassy glanced up at him, her eyes bright again. “I kiss Sari for you. Sari needs lots of kisses.”

Daniel’s stomach tightened at the innocent words, but he felt the simple truth in them, too. How nice it would be to kiss Sarah Welch. He shook Ethan’s hand and strolled away, a slight curve to his mouth.

Only in my dreams, Jassy. Only in my dreams.

CHAPTER FIVE

SARAH HAD A GREAT TIME. She relaxed and enjoyed her afternoon with her twin. They talked, shopped, laughed and made fun of each other with sisterly love. In the mall, they ordered a decadent chocolate-fudge sundae then spent two hours in a beauty salon getting a pedicure and a manicure. Sarah also had her long hair cut into a casual style that hung around her shoulders.

They ignored the many stares and glances they received, but they were secretly amused. Two identical redheads were an eye-catcher.

Since she was on call, she had to take a couple of phone calls, but other than that they had the afternoon to themselves. Later, she went by the hospital to check on Brooke. Her family was there, so Sarah knew she was okay.

They picked up food to cook on the grill for dinner and Ethan played chef, then Jassy put on a show with her jumping and flipping. Sarah and Serena talked until after midnight and Sarah felt herself opening up, confiding and exposing the destructive emotions inside her. All this time and she’d thought she was fine. It took Daniel’s words and Brooke’s question to make her realize she was far from a full recovery.

She’d made a start with her sister’s help and she intended to go forward now. Sarah felt as if she’d been living in a darkened room and someone had suddenly opened a door, letting in the fresh air and sunshine. She could feel its warmth slowly seeping into the coldest part of her. The feeling was liberating. She realized it was only a small step and she had a long way to go, but she was ready to face life again with Serena and her family behind her.

All too soon, they were saying goodbye and Sarah experienced a moment of sadness for all the years she and Serena had missed. But they had each other now and that’s what counted.

She held Jassy close, not wanting to let her go.

“Oh, I forget,” Jassy said, planting a big kiss on Sarah’s cheek. “That’s from Daniel.”

Sarah felt the blood draining from her face. It was one of those unexpected moments that left her vulnerable and speechless. Ethan hadn’t said anything about his visit with Daniel. Evidently she’d been mentioned.

“He wanted me to give Mommy a kiss, but I said no, that only Daddy kisses Mommy. I tell him I kiss you.”

“Oh, I see,” Sarah murmured in a low voice. Daniel really wanted to kiss Serena. Who wouldn’t?

Ethan took Jassy out of her arms. “Come here, munchkin, before you get yourself in a lot of trouble.” Ethan hugged Sarah. “Call Daniel,” he whispered, and took Jassy to the truck.

Serena was talking to Gran and Sarah was only vaguely aware of their voices. Call Daniel. What had Daniel told Ethan?

“I enjoyed this surprise visit,” Gran was saying.

Serena kissed Gran. “Remember you and Sarah are coming to spend the week during spring break.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

Serena hugged Sarah and they held on tight. “I’m a phone call away,” Serena said.

“I know, and thanks.”

Serena leaned back. “You’re going to be fine and you look marvelous.”

Sarah curtsied. “Thank you. I look like my sister.”

They laughed and it felt so good to have that happy feeling again. Serena ran to the truck and Jassy waved frantically.

Sarah waved until they were out of sight. Linking her arm with Gran’s, they went back into the house.

“I thought I’d go to Hazel’s,” Gran said. “They’re playing bridge at her house.” Gran was an avid bridge player and she tried to never miss a game.

“Sure, Gran,” Sarah replied. “Go ahead. I’ve got a lot of work to catch up on.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to be lonely.”

“I’m fine, Gran.”

“I do love your new hairstyle.”

“Thanks. Now go have fun and—” Her phone rang, cutting her off. “See, I’ll be busy.”

“’Bye, darling.”

“’Bye, Gran,” Sarah called after her, and clicked on her cell phone.

It was Brooke and she was upset because the police were waiting to question her again and she wanted Sarah there. Sarah grabbed her purse and jacket and headed for the hospital.

She hurried down the corridor to Brooke’s room, hoping Daniel would be there. Ethan was right. She had to talk to him. She didn’t blame him for Greg’s death and she had to tell him that.

She turned a corner and saw Russ and the other detective, Joel, standing outside Brooke’s door. Daniel wasn’t here. Her heart sank.

Russ had his back to her, but Joel saw her. He nudged Russ. “Ms. Welch is here.”

Russ swung around, ready to unload on her, but his jaw dropped and no words came out. His narrowed eyes slid over her, taking in the cobweb of glistening copper hair that hung around her face and shoulders. She had on a white V-necked sweater, tan slacks and a dark suede jacket. Russ’s eyes seemed glued to her cleavage.