Kids on the Doorstep / Cop on Loan: Kids on the Doorstep / Cop on Loan

It was one thing to be locked in a house of your own with your own things to keep you company, but it was completely something else when you’re locked in a stranger’s house with nothing familiar.

He remembered what he and Evan used to do when the snow piled high and their mom had had enough of their tussling in the house. She sent them outside in the snow with the order to stay out of trouble or else.

A speculative glance toward the girls had his mind moving. If memory served, there was still a toboggan in the attic gathering dust along with the rest of his childhood mementos. He’d be willing to bet Taylor would love a ride down the hill on that thing.

A few minutes later, he entered the living room with an announcement.

“Bundle up, we’re going outside.”

“It’s snowing,” Alexis said.

“Are you going to melt if a snowflake lands on you?”

She scowled. “No. But it’s cold outside and Chloe’s still sick.”

“Fresh air never hurt anyone. Besides, her cough is getting better by the day. Discussion over. Go get dressed and help your sisters, please. We’re going outside.”

Alexis didn’t argue further but the unhappy pout told him volumes about her disposition. He didn’t let it get to him, though. He suspected her attitude had less to do with the snow and more to do with the fact he’d let her mama move into the guesthouse. He withheld a sigh. Despite some reservations, he supposed he had to find a way to get those two talking again. He glanced at the small guesthouse, and figured he might as well stop putting it off and start lending a hand. To that end, he made a decision that he hoped didn’t blow up in his face.

“I’ll be right back,” he told the girls who were in the process of being bundled into new jackets and mittens that had been part of the back-to-school shopping spree that he’d instructed Gladys to make. He had to admit, Gladys had a better eye when it came to girly stuff than he did. His idea of high fashion was a clean flannel shirt but, shoot, the horses didn’t care what he wore. “Make sure you zipper up good. The wind is blowing a bit,” he instructed.

“Maybe we should stay in the house then,” Alexis muttered but continued to help Taylor into her mittens.

Making his way to the guesthouse, he gave the door a short rap. A minute later Renee appeared wearing a pink fuzzy sweater that plunged at the neckline in an enticing V, practically plucking John’s eyeballs from his head and nestling them between her ample breasts, until she crossed her arms at the immediate chill to ask, “Is everything okay?”

Uh. Shaking off the odd spell—had she been wearing that sweater earlier? Seemed funny that he just now noticed how much it flattered her figure—he focused on her face as he answered. “We’re going sledding. Do you want to come?”

“Sledding?” She blinked at him, her mouth working silently as she considered the offer. “You mean actual sledding? Down a hill or something?”

“That’s generally how it’s done. You’ve never gone sledding before?”

“No. I didn’t grow up around the snow,” she answered, tightening her arms and scowling much like Alexis did. “It’s not a childhood requirement, you know.”

“You’re right,” he agreed amiably. “So, here’s your chance to see what you’ve been missing. Bundle up and meet us out front.”

He didn’t give her much opportunity to say more and he did that purposefully. He was having a hard time focusing when his eyeballs wanted to slide downward to enjoy the view that shouldn’t have interested him at all given their situation. But, as his brother liked to point out with a cheeky grin, he had needs, too. He shook off the immediate bells and whistles that hooted and hollered in his head at the thought of satisfying those pent-up needs with Renee Dolling and walked a little faster away from the small house.

The girls, stamping their feet in the snow and blowing little clouds in the frosty air, gaped at the toboggan he carried under his arm.

“What’s that, Mr. John?” Taylor asked, her smart gaze feasting on the long, sturdy contraption that despite its age was in excellent shape.

“It’s a toboggan and we’re going to do something that I used to do with my brother, Evan, back when we were kids and there was nothing to do but watch the snow fall. Come with me.” Bending, he scooped Chloe up, carrying the toddler while pulling the toboggan behind him, his own breath making blue-gray puffs that quickly disappeared in the frigid air. Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of Renee running to catch up. He kept his expression neutral though he had the strange impulse to grin.

Taylor squealed and jumped into a snowdrift, giggling as the white powder swallowed her small frame until she had to kick her feet to regain her footing. “I like snow,” she announced as Renee took her hand and pulled her out. “Do you like snow?” she inquired and John listened a little more intently for Renee’s answer.

“I like being with you girls,” Renee answered diplomatically and John chuckled softly. She was breathing a little harder from the exertion and her cheeks bloomed prettily, not that she needed any help in that department, John noted with exasperation. Renee tried making small talk with Alexis and John admired her tenacity in the face of her daughter’s dark expression. “Remember that time we went to Kirkwood and—”

“No. I don’t.”

Alexis trudged ahead, her arms swinging with the effort as she put distance between them all. John heard Renee’s unhappy sigh and slowed his own gait so they were walking side by side.

“She’s pretty headstrong,” he said, needing to say something that might put Alexis’s rejection into perspective.

“Always has been. But she used to be on my side,” Renee said. “She’s not the kind of kid who forgives or forgets easily.”

“Would you want her to be?”

“No. Not really. I’ve always felt that Alexis had a good head on her shoulders. That life wouldn’t tip her over like it did me. She’s always had the uncanny ability to see through the bullshit. I wish I’d had that talent when I was young.”

John wondered at that statement. He was slowly beginning to realize that Renee’s past may well be a chaotic one. Shrugging, he said, “She’ll come around.”

“I know. But it hurts to be on the outside.”

“Give it some time. She’s still getting used to having you around again. But she misses her mama and that’s the truth.”

Renee looked at him sharply. “Really? Did she say something?”

“Not in words. It’s a feeling. A hunch.”

Her expression fell and she sniffed. “Forgive me if I don’t put much store in hunches and feelings. My daughter hates me and goes out of her way to make sure I feel the sting of it every day. I would’ve been more hopeful if she’d actually admitted something to you.”

“You don’t always get what you want the way that you want it. Hasn’t anyone ever told you that?” He cocked his head at her, while Chloe tried to catch snowflakes. Renee smiled at Chloe but gave him a hard look.

“Of course I know that. I’m just saying—”

“And so am I.”

Silence stretched between them as they both processed what’d been said, and just as John was thinking he’d said too much and perhaps should’ve kept his opinion to himself, they arrived at the small hill John had had in mind.

“Are you sure it’s safe?” Renee asked, peering anxiously down the gentle slope as John put Chloe on her feet near her sisters. “I mean, it looks a little steep for the girls.”

John chuckled. “Chloe could go down this hill by herself. I’ll set up the track and then we’ll take turns taking the girls down. Okay? It’s completely safe. I promise.” And then he gave her a wide—almost daring—grin. Why? He hadn’t a clue but her reaction was worth the confusion.

RENEE FELT A SUBTLE JUMP in her heartrate at the smile playing on John’s lips and her imagination kicked into overdrive at the worst moment. Pulling her gaze away with obvious effort, she glanced back down the hill and then at her girls. “All right…I guess that’d be okay. How are you going to make the track?”

“That’s part of the fun. I’ll pave the way so that when we go down with the girls, we have something to stick to. Sort of like a road.”

She didn’t have a clue as to what he was talking about but she was willing to watch and see. “Be my guest, road master. Carry on. We’ll sit back and watch as you crack your head open.”

John’s bark of laughter surprised her and she smiled in spite of herself. “Watch and learn, city girl,” he said.

Were they—good Lord—almost flirting with each other?

Maybe a tad, a small voice answered, encouraging her to continue playing, which she obliged with little resistance.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” she retorted, her smile growing, then gestured. “We’re waiting…”

“Right. Step aside, females. Watch the Toboggan King work his magic.”

Renee laughed, enjoying seeing this different side of the man she swore she’d never like, and picked up Chloe. “I hope my cell phone works out here,” she said to her youngest daughter in a conspiratorial tone. “Because I sure as hell can’t carry him if he goes and breaks himself.”

John looked back at her. “Ye of little faith…”

Chloe giggled and pointed as John positioned himself on the sled at the top of the hill and shoved off. Renee gasped as he skimmed the snow and left behind a sleek trail that looked smooth as ice before slowing to a stop at the bottom, safe and sound and grinning from ear to ear.

Oh, he shouldn’t do that. Who knew there was a Colgate smile—blindingly white—hidden behind that stern scowl? It was as if she were seeing him for the first time and that was patently ridiculous but, hey, it was the truth and she was never much of a liar, anyway. Million watt. Straight, white teeth. What a killer smile. A lady killer, that is. She drew a shaky breath, fitted a tremulous smile to her own lips and tried to let the moment of insanity fade without drawing too much attention to the odd flutter and quiver she was feeling on the inside.

As he trudged back up the hill, he said, “I can’t believe I’d forgotten how much fun that is. Evan and I used to spend whole days crafting these amazing trails for the sled, going so far as to make jumps, too. Okay, who’s next? Alexis? How about you and me? We’ll show these kids how it’s done.”

Alexis, interest piqued in spite of her earlier bad attitude, agreed readily and climbed in front of John as he wrapped his arms around her to tuck his feet. “Hold on, this train is moving fast,” he called out as the toboggan started the slow descent and quickly picked up speed.

Renee laughed at the delighted shriek Alexis let out and John’s accompanying deep-throated laughter. A warmth that had nothing to do with her wool coat filled her and Renee, for a second, lost herself in the idyllic scene before her. She wondered why John never married and had a family of his own. He seemed to be a natural with kids, though at first glance she’d never have guessed by his surly attitude. John was an enigma that Renee had to admit she was fairly curious in figuring out.

Alexis and John made their way back up the hill, cheeks a ruddy pink from the cold, and for the first time since she’d seen her daughter again, she wore a smile instead of a frown. It lit up her features from within and her daughter’s natural beauty transformed her young face to one that would surely break hearts someday. Renee could only hope that her daughter wouldn’t make the same mistakes as she’d made, falling in love with the wrong man, giving up her hopes and dreams, and lastly, giving up on herself. Shaking off the sad thoughts, she focused on the joy of the moment and soon her spirits lifted as she watched Taylor hopping up and down. “My turn! My turn!”

“I’ll go down with you,” Renee volunteered, even though she was a little leery of the whole idea of flying down the hill with nothing more than her feet for brakes.

Renee settled into the back and John placed Taylor in front. With a gentle push, they started the descent, which at first was pretty sedate but then it was like being on a Disneyland thrill ride without the benefit of being strapped in. Taylor squealed in delight and within seconds Renee was doing the same.

Who knew hurtling headlong down a monster hill could be so thrilling?

“Let’s go again!” Taylor exclaimed, pulling impatiently on Renee’s hand as she dragged the toboggan back up the hill.

“You bet!”

And so they spent the better half of the day slipping and sliding, laughing and giggling until they were winded and exhausted and barely able to drag their bodies back to the house for some much needed hot apple cider and hot chocolate.

And Renee couldn’t remember when she’d had so much fun with such an unlikely partner. She slanted a short look at John as he walked beside her, pulling the toboggan with Chloe riding on his shoulders. Maybe there was more to John Murphy than immediately met the eye.

Just maybe, she might be in a mind to find out.

Chapter Nine

WHILE JOHN WORKED ON the hot cider and chocolate, Renee helped the girls out of their wet and snow-caked clothing and into soft pajamas and slippers.

“These look warm,” Renee observed casually of the girls’ pajamas. “Did you pick these out?”

“Yep. On the ’net,” Taylor said, wiggling with delight into her horse-patterned top. “Mr. John said there’s no mall anywhere near here and he hates to deal with the people so Mr. John had Grammy buy our stuff on his computer.”

“That was nice of him to buy you girls some pj’s.”

Alexis nodded but it was obvious she wasn’t going to elaborate for Renee’s benefit. Thankfully, Taylor wasn’t exactly a locked box when it came to safeguarding information.

“We didn’t have any clothes ’cept for the ones that we was wearing the night we came and Mr. John said they weren’t fit to line a dog’s bed. My jeans had holes in them,” Taylor said. “But now, I got lots of jeans with no holes and I love my new shoes.”

Renee made a mental note to talk to John about the purchases made thus far. It wasn’t right for him to foot the bill. She’d have to find out how much he’d spent so she could make arrangements to pay him back.

But for the time being, the girls were running from the room toward the kitchen, squealing and laughing as they called out for their warm drinks.

Renee hung back a moment as she gazed about the room that her girls had taken over. It was much like the rest of the house, masculine in its decor, but somehow her girls had put their stamp on things with small accents. A Little Mermaid lamp here, a pink throw blanket tossed casually on the bed over there, and lots of clothes strewn about that were certainly the sign of little girl territory. It was the nicest place they’d ever lived and it hurt that Renee hadn’t been the one to provide it for them.

Smoothing the wrinkles from the comforter, she wondered if John would let her buy some girly sheets for their bed. But as soon as the thought crossed her mind, she discarded it. There was no sense in buying sheets for a bed they were only going to be in temporarily. Swallowing a sigh at the fight she’d have on her hands the day the girls had to say goodbye to the ranch and to their Mr. John, Renee shelved the unhappy thoughts and pasted a bright smile on her lips for her daughters’ benefit.

They weren’t leaving today. Her aunt used to tell her, don’t borrow trouble from tomorrow when there was happiness to be found in today.

Good advice, Renee realized, for she really didn’t want to think about that day, either.

LATER THAT NIGHT, AFTER copious amounts of hot chocolate, cider, a dinner of steak and potatoes, games of Uno, and after the girls had been tucked into bed exhausted from the day’s activities, John felt himself reluctant to say good-night to the one woman in the world he ought to steer clear of.

Funny how those things work.

“I guess I should turn in, too,” Renee said, although she wasn’t making a move toward the door just yet. He took that as a sign that she was hesitant for her own reasons and much to his shame, he jumped at it.

“Come sit a minute,” he suggested, gesturing toward the crackling fire in the hearth. The dancing light threw soft shadows into the living room that offset the eerie glow from the snow-packed window. “There’s no need to run off just because the girls aren’t here. I don’t bite.”

She smiled. “Are you sure?”

“Am I sure that I don’t bite or am I sure that I wouldn’t mind some company?”

“Um, both.”

He chuckled and followed her to the sofa. “I think the girls had a really good day and I want to thank you for making that effort for them. I get the feeling that playing in the snow isn’t your idea of a good time on most days.”

“It’s not but I didn’t realize it could be so much fun, not to mention one heck of a workout. I think muscles I never knew I had are going to be protesting tomorrow morning.”

He smiled but his overactive imagination had already snagged the opportunity to be distracting and the effort was forced. Stop thinking about her curves, he instructed his brain, searching wildly for something else to fill the space in his head. Think of taxes, the fence that needs mending—anything! “Tell me a bit about yourself,” he suggested and she faltered, the light fading quickly from her eyes. “You don’t have to. I’m just a little curious about the woman—”

“Who left her kids behind?” she interrupted sharply, moving to leave but he stopped her with a firm hand.

“No, that’s not what I was going to say. Are you always in a habit of jumping to conclusions?”

She bit her lip. “Lately. I guess. What were you going to say?”

“Just that I’m curious to know more about the woman who is nothing like I thought she was.”

Renee settled back on the sofa as she said, “What do you mean?”

“Well, you’re a bit of a wild card, if you know what I mean. Unpredictable. What I knew about you was that you left your girls behind for reasons I don’t know but then you’ve shown your fierce determination to get them back. To win their love. Something tells me that there’s more to Renee Dolling, deep down. Tell me about that woman.”

She blushed, and in the soft light with her wind-chapped lips and burnished cheeks, she bloomed into an incomparable beauty right before his eyes. He resisted the pull, the urge to sample those lips, to nibble along her collarbone and taste the silken skin, but the effort cost him.

She cleared her throat and glanced away. “You give me too much credit. I’m just a mother who made a terrible mistake who’s trying to fix it. Contrary to what it may look like, my girls mean everything to me. They’re all I have. I married Jason right out of high school. We were big dreamers with even bigger plans. Unfortunately, neither one of us had the wherewithal to figure out how to make those dreams a reality. And then, I got pregnant.”

“So Alexis wasn’t planned I take it.”

“None of the girls were planned,” Renee said drily. “But they were the joy of my life. I was just too…” she drew a deep breath “…too drunk most of the time to realize it.”

“Drunk?” An echo of her admission in court about rehab came back to him.

She met his stare. “Yeah. Drunk. I was…I mean, I am an alcoholic. That’s why I left.”

He digested her admission in silence, taking a moment to let it sink in. “What did you ex-husband think about you wanting to get sober?” he asked.

She smiled without humor. “What did he think? He tried to talk me out of it. Jason was constantly trying to get me to drink because when I drank I forgot how I wanted to get away from him. I’d been trying to leave him for almost a year when I got pregnant with Chloe.”

“So you were still having sex with him even though you wanted to leave…”

“That’s a little personal, don’t you think?” Renee’s mouth hardened.

“I’m just trying to understand, you know…connect the dots,” he said by way of apology.

“If you figure out my twisted path from then to now, leave a breadcrumb trail. Sometimes I still don’t know how I got here,” she retorted with a trace of bitterness. Then she sighed and shook her head in answer to his bold question. “No. I wasn’t.”

Dawning came quickly. “Chloe isn’t your husband’s child.”

A long moment passed before Renee slowly shook her head again.

“Yet he agreed to raise her as his own?”

“He thought it would make me stay and it did…for a while. But the drinking and the fighting just got worse and worse…until the night I blacked out and woke up with a gash in my forehead and the girls crying in the backseat of my car. I’d tried to drive away with them and I was smashed.”

“You’re lucky you didn’t kill someone.”

“I know that. That’s why I knew I had to leave in order to get sober. There was a rehab facility with an opening but I couldn’t take the kids with me. I told Jason I had to get sober for our marriage. I lied. But it was the only way he’d agree to take care of the kids. I was in for two months and toward the end of my stay, I finally told Jason when he came for visitation that I wanted a divorce. I never expected him to split with the kids. I thought he might try to intimidate me into staying with him but when he didn’t, I just assumed he agreed with me that it was over. I got out and realized they were gone. Up until that day I found them here, I’d been looking for them ever since.”

“And Chloe’s father?”

Shame burned in her cheeks as she answered, “Never knew him. It was a one-night stand that I barely remember.”

John leaned back into the sofa and exhaled softly. It was a lot to take in. Renee admitted to her mistakes and didn’t flinch from the truth even if she hated her part in it. He had to respect that even if he didn’t understand.

“You should’ve told the judge all this,” he said quietly. “It might’ve made a difference in the outcome.”

Her mouth twisted in a sad, wry grin. “Don’t you remember? I tried. He wasn’t interested in hearing what I had to say. He took one look at me and wrote me off as a bad mother who abandoned her kids. Just like everyone else in this town who knows my situation, which seems like just about half the population.”

Renee misconstrued his silence as condemnation and ice returned to her voice as she said, “I can’t change who I was…only who I am now. If you can’t deal with that, that’s your problem.” She rose stiffly and walked to the back door as if to leave but John wasn’t ready to end the night on a sour note.

“Hold on now,” he said, hurrying after her. She stopped and he could see the hurt in her eyes even though she was trying to hide it. He reached out and put his hand on the door to keep her from storming out. “There you go jumping to conclusions again. Bad habit,” he murmured, distracted by the soft heave of her chest and the gentle parting of her lips as she stared up at him. He blinked away the fuzz in his brain but his thoughts were foggy from being so close to her. Damn, she smelled good—earthy and sweet, like fresh alfalfa hay on a summer day. Where was he going with that thought train? Off track. He paused to give himself a mental shake. “I didn’t mean to rile you up,” he said.

She ran the tip of her tongue along her bottom lip as if she were nervous and said, “Well, you did. Rile me up,” she added with a fair amount of shake in her voice, making him wonder if she was struggling with the same odd assortment of inappropriate feelings, too. He hoped so. He’d hate to realize he was traveling a one-way street. She swallowed. “But I accept your apology,” she said, lifting her chin.

Her lips were so close, her mouth so tempting…he jerked and took a step away. When he grinned, it almost hurt. “Good,” he said. “It’s better if we get along. For the kids.”

“Where have I heard that before…” she said, but her voice was strained. “All right then. Good night.”

He watched her cross to the guesthouse and waited until her door closed before he shut himself in his own bedroom, feeling oddly discontented. Jerking his shirt out from the waistband of his jeans he pulled it off and over his head to toss in the laundry basket. He’d wanted to kiss her. And yet, he knew that was a bad idea. Laying a lip-lock on the one woman who was so not available was pure lunacy and an exercise in futility. And he wasn’t usually the kind of man who dabbled in stupid ventures.