Operation Gigolo

A tiny smile appeared on her sweet mouth. “Signals?”

“Yeah, like clearing your throat means I stick my tongue in your ear, scratching your nose means a French kiss, and brushing your shoulder means I grab your—”

“Forget it,” she said quickly, the color rising in her cheeks.

“The signals? Or grabbing?”

“Both.”

“We can think of a better idea than the signals, but if we’re going to put on a completely nauseating show, I should probably do a little grabbing. In fact, you should, too. Parents hate that, but it will be very convincing. I’ll grab easy, I promise.”

“Where…where would you…?”

“The standard places.”

“I don’t have any standard places.”

He laughed and gulped some water, suddenly needing a drink. “Sorry. I absolutely agree. Your places are way above average.”

She gazed at him for a long moment, her expression revealing her turmoil.

“It was a joke,” he said.

“I know.” She sighed and leaned back against the seat.

“Maybe this is hopeless. I’m probably not up to it.”

“Hey, that doesn’t sound like the Lynn Morgan I know.” He studied her tense profile. There was character in that face, and although she wasn’t a blond bombshell like Michelle, she had an elegant beauty that appealed to him. Appealed to him a lot. “The Lynn Morgan I work with every day doesn’t give up before she’s even started.”

She turned her head to look at him. “It’s a tougher job than I imagined, Tony. How in the world am I going to manage?”

“By relaxing, and thinking of it as play instead of serious stuff.” He smiled. “If we’re going to make fools of ourselves this weekend, we might as well enjoy it. Loosen up and have fun with this crazy scheme of yours.”

She held his gaze, and gradually the tense lines around her eyes and mouth eased, and mischief began to dance in her brown eyes. “Okay. Just what do you have in mind, big boy?”

Whoa. He hadn’t expected her to pack such a wallop.

He wasn’t going to have to fake this attraction. “Just keep looking at me like that, and we’ll have it made,” he said.

“I thought you wanted to plan our moves.”

He swallowed. He’d like to make one on her right here, right now. Planning ahead might be overkill. “I think when the time comes, we’ll know what to do.”

“You’re sure?”

Oh, yes. “Just keep in mind that we’re supposed to be so filled with love and lust that we can’t keep our hands off each other.” He took another drink of water. Surely his hand wasn’t trembling. Nothing bothered Tony The Tomcat.

“Excuse me,” Jeff said, putting his hand on Tony’s arm.

“But I couldn’t help overhearing some of your conversation. I have some knowledge in this area, and I think you’re both making a big mistake.”

Tony glanced at him in amazement. “Look, Jeff, with all due respect, I don’t think we need your—”

“You should see the color of your aura right now. And hers. You’re both troubled.” Jeff smiled. “Let me help. No charge.”

Lynn leaned forward and gave him a puzzled glance. “I must be missing something.”

Jeff faced her, his expression earnest. “Take pride in who you are! If society makes you ashamed, just surround yourself with white light, stand up and say, ‘This is me. I may be different from you, but that doesn’t make me less valuable, or less moral.’”

Tony had thought the guy was fairly rational, but he was reassessing that conclusion. “Listen, Jeff, are you overdue for some medication, or something? I’ll be glad to call the flight attendant and get you a—”

“I’m having a little trouble with my sun center these days, but meditation and color therapy seems to be taking care of it. In fact, I should be wearing my chakra glasses right this minute. Thanks for reminding me.” He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a pair of canary-tinted wraparound sunglasses and put them on.

Tony stared at him.

“That’s better,” Jeff said, as if it was perfectly normal to wear yellow sunglasses inside an airplane. He patted Tony’s knee. “My practice is filled with people of your persuasion, my friend. I advise you both to confess the truth to your parents. I promise you’ll be cleansed by the experience, and so will they. After all, everybody’s coming out these days.”

“What?” Tony instinctively rose out of his seat and bumped into the lap tray, upsetting his water glass into his lunch. Beside him, he could hear Lynn’s muffled laughter.

“Look, Jeff, I’m not—”

“Oh, Tony, of course you are. Why else would a lawyer feel it necessary to dress like that? You’re trying to project some macho image to throw people off the track, but it’s not working, and you know it.”

“I am not gay.” Tony realized he’d said that a little loud, and people were turning in their seats to check out the conversation.

Lynn cleared her throat and leaned over Tony’s destroyed lunch to gaze at Jeff. “He’s really not,” she said. Her lips were twitching, as if she was having a hell of a time keeping a straight face. “Dressing that way was my idea.”

“I’m not surprised.” Jeff looked knowing. “You’re projecting your own desire to act that role onto Tony. Be courageous! Wear the tight jeans and T-shirt yourself! Go for the motorcycle boots and the tattoo! Believe me, you’ll feel so much better.”

“Okay, here’s the deal,” Lynn said. “My parents are having some problems, and so—”

“There you go. I’ll bet they’re struggling with sexual issues, themselves. Clear the air for all of you, and you might have more in common than you think.”

Tony spoke through clenched teeth. “We…are…straight. All of us. Straight as a board.”

Jeff smiled and settled back against his seat. “You are so typical of my other clients. So defensive. You have my card. When you’re ready to honor that side of yourself, give me a call. I know a great sweat lodge.” He put on a pair of earphones and switched on a small tape recorder he had in his shirt pocket.

Tony had stuck Jeff’s business card in his wallet, and now it seemed to burn a hole in his butt. He longed to get it out and tear it into little pieces, but that would give Jeff more evidence that he was being defensive.

So he turned to look at Lynn instead. Yes, he was definitely heterosexual. He wanted to wring her neck for helping him get into such a ridiculous conversation, but even more he wanted to plant kisses on that neck.

She pressed her lips together and her eyes brimmed with laughter.

He lowered his voice. “You enjoyed that, didn’t you?”

She nodded.

“There goes my bid for the presidential nomination.”

“Tony! I didn’t know you had that kind of ambition.”

“I don’t, but if I did, I’d be dead in the water, and it’s all your fault.”

Her eyes rounded in innocence. “My fault? I defended you.”

“You were trying not to laugh the whole time. Very unconvincing defense, Counselor.”

“Want me to try again?”

“God, no. The harder we protest, the more he believes.” He found his own sense of humor gradually returning. “I’ve been accused of many things in my life, but never that.”

“You’re a very good friend, Tony. I’m sorry I laughed when you were dealing with him, but you have to admit it’s kind of funny. I never imagined somebody would draw that conclusion from our discussion.”

“No telling what the rest of the plane thinks, either, after I shouted out my sexual preference.”

“It doesn’t matter. I know you’re all male.” She paused and gave him a questioning look. “Aren’t you?”

“You’ll pay for that one, Morgan,” he said with a grim smile. And as the plane started its descent into the Phoenix area, he started anticipating the ways he might prove to her that he was, indeed, all male.

WHEN LYNN MADE everyone’s plane reservations, she’d coordinated the flights so that her parents would be waiting at the gate when she and Tony arrived. She had a grand entrance in mind.

After the plane landed and people began leaving their seats, Tony leaned toward her. “Let’s give our boy Jeff a head start,” he said in an undertone.

Just then Jeff stood and laid a hand on Tony’s shoulder.

Lynn smothered a smile as Tony flinched.

Jeff leaned over, and the crystal on a cord around his neck dangled next to Tony’s ear. “Keep me posted,” Jeff said. “I’m there for you if you need a friend.”

“Right.” Tony didn’t look at him.

“See you later.” Jeff gave Tony’s shoulder a squeeze and moved into the aisle.

“Not if I see you first,” Tony muttered under his breath.

“Don’t worry,” Lynn said, taking pity on him. “Have you ever once met someone again after sitting next to them on a plane?”

“I guess you’re right. Is he gone?”

“He just walked out the door. I think we’re safe.”

“Then let’s go play heterosexual games for your parents’ benefit.”

Lynn’s heart pounded as she pulled her wheeled carry-on down the jetway with Tony close behind. As long as she focused on her parents’ threat of divorce, she’d be fine. To avoid that, she’d be willing to do almost anything. She knew they loved each other, and they’d be miserable if they separated. She’d be miserable, too. They’d been a trusted anchor all her life, and she wouldn’t give up that feeling of safety without a fight.

Just before she emerged from the jetway, she paused and turned to Tony. “Ready?”

“Yup. As soon as we’re clear of the tunnel, I’m putting my arm around you. Look adoring.”

“Adoring. Got it.” She stepped out of the jetway.

The next few seconds delivered one sensory shock after another. First, she glimpsed her mother, whose usual conservative hairstyle had been replaced by the electrocuted look. The wild red curls were at complete odds with the stern expression on Gladys Morgan’s face, but they perfectly matched the lime green, shimmery material of her tank top and shorts. Lynn almost expected to see in-line skates on her mother’s feet, but instead she wore platform shoes.

About that time, Tony pulled her close and nuzzled her neck. “Kiss me, gorgeous,” he murmured.

“Tony, my mother—”

“Your mother needs to see some liplock.”

“She’s…oh my God.” Lynn’s gaze slid a few feet across the terminal and she discovered her father, his arms crossed and his expression grim as he watched her arrival. Bud Morgan hadn’t permed his hair—he’d shaved it all off. The terminal lights gleamed on his polished head, and fancy-looking sunglasses hung from a cord around his neck. The man who had worn either white dress shirts or neutral polos all his life had on a wild plaid shirt and bright orange shorts that hurt Lynn’s eyes.

“Hey, babe. Showtime.” Tony slipped his hand from her waist to her bottom and squeezed.

With a gasp of indignation, she turned toward him, and he swooped into a kiss, plunging his tongue into her open mouth. When she tried to struggle free, he held her head and continued the assault. Gradually, her surroundings began to fade as his tongue probed and teased, stroked and suggested. She lost her grip on her suitcase and discovered something to do with her free hand as she ran her fingers through the remembered silkiness of Tony’s hair.

The rhythm of her pulse changed from the adrenaline rush of seeing her parents’ new look to the insistent surge of desire for the man kissing her so thoroughly. A soft moan rose from her throat.

Tony lifted his mouth a fraction from hers. “That was…excellent,” he said, his breathing uneven.

Her father’s voice penetrated her fog of sensuous enjoyment. “If you’ve completed the tonsillectomy, Doctor, maybe we could get on our way toward Sedona.”

Lynn felt the blush rising as she pulled away from Tony.

“Lynn.” Her mother could get more reprimand into one syllable than anybody alive. “For heaven’s sake. Show some breeding.”

That made Lynn chuckle as she turned toward her mother of the lime-green fashion mistake. “Mom, Dad…” She took a deep breath. “I’d like you to meet the father of your future grandchild, Tony Russo.”

“Cleanse your conscience, my friends,” intoned a familiar voice.

With a feeling of foreboding, Lynn looked over to find Jeff standing on the outskirts of the group.

Tell them you’re gay, Jeff mouthed. Then with a smile and a wave, he started down the terminal.

As Tony muttered an oath, Lynn glanced quickly toward her mother, a legendary reader of lips.

“Gay?” Gladys looked from Lynn to Tony. “Who’s gay? I thought you were pregnant and he was the impregnator?”

“I am. He is,” Lynn said. “Forget it. Let’s go.”

Bud ignored his daughter and put a protective arm around Gladys’s shoulders. “I wish I didn’t have to be the one to tell you, Gladys, but I’ve learned a few things, living as I have in the soft underbelly of the city.”

“Take your arm off me,” Gladys said. “There’s no telling where that arm has been. And I want no more of that soft underbelly talk. It’s indecent.”

“Indecent?” Bud looked sad as a basset hound. “Try this one on for size. Our little girl and this…Tony person, have become what they call bi.”

Lynn choked. “Dad, we’re not! That guy—”

“By? By who?” Gladys looked completely at sea.

“AC–DC.”

“Look.” Tony sounded agitated. “You’ve got it wrong. We—”

“Isn’t AC–DC one of those rock groups?” Gladys asked.

“I’m trying to tell you they’re bi sexual, Gladys.”

“Saints preserve us.” With that invocation, Gladys slipped to the floor in a dead faint.

4

TONY REACTED instinctively. Dropping his duffel bag, he crouched beside Gladys and supported her head and shoulders against his knee. “Lynn, get some water,” he said. At least Gladys’s pulse was strong, he noted as he placed his fingers against her carotid artery.

“Take your hands off her, you pervert!” Bud squatted and tried to wrestle Gladys away from Tony. His gold chains dangled in her face as he pulled her toward him.

“Gladys, dammit, did you put on another one of those strapless gut-buster things? If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times—”

“Gut-buster?” Tony looked bewildered.

“We’re talkin’ serious underwire.” Bud put a hand on his wife’s midriff. “Yup, she’s trussed up like a turkey. Gotta get her out of that thing so she can breathe.”

“Here?” Tony croaked.

“Can’t. She’d kill me.”

“Uh…” Tony glanced around nervously. Quite a crowd had gathered around them.

“Here’s the water,” Lynn said, handing him a plastic bottle. “But all she needs is to get her bustier off and she’ll be fine. She always is.”

“Go clear the women’s rest room,” Tony said, scooping Gladys up in his arms and standing in one clean motion.

“Dad, get the bags,” Lynn said as she hurried off.

Bud picked up Tony’s duffel and grabbed the handle of Lynn’s carry-on before running after Tony. “That was some bench press. Like a human forklift or something. Do you work out?”

“Yeah, some.” Tony aimed for the nearest sign reading Women. Then he remembered the image he was supposed to project. “A hard body impresses the hell out of the chicks,” he added.

Bud’s eyes narrowed. “Hey, I forgot, I don’t want you touching my wife!”

“Better let him carry her, Dad,” Lynn called over her shoulder. “Or you’ll throw out your back, like you did the last time.” Then she ducked into the rest room.

“Last time?” Tony glanced at Bud. “This happens a lot?”

“Not a lot. Five, maybe six times. When she wears her gut-buster.”

“I think I’d burn the gut-busters, Bud. Can I call you Bud?”

“No.”

“Have it your way, Dad.”

“All clear!” Lynn called from the bathroom entrance.

“Dad, you stand guard with the luggage while Tony and I take care of this.”

“Make sure you do the unhooking, not hotshot, here.”

“I promise, Dad.”

Tony winked at him. “Me, too, Dad.” The look on Bud’s face told Tony that he was coming across just the way he needed to. He’d seen that look on the faces of several fathers during his high-school days. He’d also noticed how protective Bud was of Gladys. These two would only need a few more nudges and they’d be back together, just the way Lynn wanted.

Inside the rest room, he lifted Gladys to the sink counter. Her bottom fit neatly in one of the sinks, while her feet in the platform shoes eased nicely into the adjoining one.

“Don’t look,” Lynn instructed, moving in beside him and pulling her mother’s tank top from the waistband of her shorts.

“Not in a million years.” He supported Gladys with an arm around her shoulders and gazed up at the ceiling. He’d known this trip would involve some surprises, but he’d never pictured himself standing in the women’s bathroom holding an unconscious Mrs. Morgan while Lynn took off her mother’s underwear.

“You’re as sexy as they come, aren’t you?” muttered the woman in his arms, a challenge in her voice.

Tony glanced down but made sure he kept his attention firmly on Gladys’s face. “Excuse me?”

“Just as I thought! Bedroom eyes,” she said, gazing up at him. “My little girl never had a chance, did she, Romeo?”

Her evaluation that he was a predatory male out to ruin her daughter bothered him more than he’d thought it would, but it was exactly what she was supposed to think. He forced himself to give her a cocky smile.

Gladys reached up and pinched his ear.

“Hey!” He tried to resist, but she had a practiced motherlock on his earlobe. His own mom wouldn’t have been able to do it better.

She pulled his head down. “Don’t count your chickens, swivel-hips. She’ll marry you over my dead body.”

“Turn him loose, Mom,” Lynn said. “There, it’s off.” She pulled her mother’s tank top back down. “I’m throwing it in the trash.”

“No!” Gladys let go of Tony’s ear and sat up, grabbing a bra cup in the process. “I paid dearly for that bustier, and it gives me Dolly Parton cleavage! I’m keeping it!”

“No. It’s too small.” Lynn tugged back. “Besides, what about your promise that you’d throw it away after you passed out in the bowling alley?”

“I threw that one away! This one’s brand-new!”

“And you still didn’t get the bigger size, did you? Let go, Mom.”

Watching the tug-of-war, Tony rubbed his sore ear and wondered what his role was in this fracas. As the elastic garment stretched precariously between the two women, he became alarmed. Somebody could get hurt. He grabbed the middle of it and hung on tight. “Look, I don’t think this is built to—”

“There are ten angry ladies outside who just came off a three-hour flight,” Bud said, walking into the rest room.

“Uh-oh!” Gladys and Lynn said together, and let go of the bustier.

Two reinforced bra cups slapped Tony soundly on both cheeks.

Bud cringed. “Whoops.”

Lynn spun around and looked at Tony, her eyes wide. “I’m so sorry. Are you—”

“I’m terrific. Let’s just get out of here before somebody calls security.”

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