Circumstantial Memories

“Shelby!” Julia shouted and yanked her daughter back. “Leave it alone. I—I forgot I left my underwear here this morning.”

She turned pleading eyes toward him, and when could he ever resist Julia Rousseau anything? Taming the rage that burned in his belly for the unknown intruder who just destroyed Julia’s peace, Ryder scooped up Shelby. “Why don’t you get a tea party ready for me in your room?”

By the time he settled Shelby in her bedroom and scoured the rest of the small house, he returned to Julia’s bedroom where she crouched beside the bed, fingering the remnants of lacy bras and silk panties.

“Don’t touch anything, Julia. Leave it for the police.”

Her hand trembled as she dropped the material and then she covered her face. He’d never seen Julia show weakness before and her fear punched him in the gut. What kind of maniacs were running around Silverhill these days? If, in fact, a Silverhill local played this sick joke.

Dropping to his knees beside her, he wrapped her in a tight embrace. He smoothed her long, silky hair with his palm and inhaled her fresh, sweet scent, which resembled those wildflowers she’d tossed on the coffee table. “Do you have any idea who did this? Could it be a stupid prank?”

She shook her head, burrowing deeper against his chest.

“It’s probably connected to those flowers.” It looked like Julia had a stalker who just graduated from innocent gifts of flowers to more sinister acts of intimacy. He’d returned home to Silverhill just in time to protect her.

Just like he’d protected her from Jeremy.

“I think it is.” She rubbed her nose on his shirt and pulled away from him. “I got the first bouquet two weeks ago, a second one last week, and two today. There was one on my porch this morning before we left on our hike.”

“What did you do with all of them?”

“I threw them away, except for the one this morning. I got sick of it and crushed the flowers into the dirt.”

He smoothed the hair from her brow. He wanted to kiss her, but held back. He had to give her some time before telling her about their relationship…and Shelby.

The little girl had to be his unless Julia and Jeremy indulged in some postseparation sex, and Julia would have never done that. She’d loved him as much as he loved her, still loved her. Somehow he had to win her love back, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t do it with secrets. And he couldn’t just charge back into her life and take what rightfully belonged to him. He had that little girl to consider now. He had to protect her, too.

He shook his head. “Seems your stalker saw the abandoned flowers and got pissed off.”

“Stalker?” A tremble rolled through her slight frame, and he silently cursed himself. He wanted to treat this intrusion lightly for her sake, brush it off as a harmless prank.

This Julia with her broken memories and tentative hold on a new life didn’t have the same strength as the old Julia, who routinely battled with her mother and kicked her cheating spouse to the curb.

“Maybe he’s just a harmless, love-struck fool.” He rubbed her back.

Tilting her chin toward the scissors, she said, “That doesn’t look harmless to me. How’d he get into my home?”

On his inspection of her house he noticed the back door slightly ajar, but he didn’t want to touch anything. “He may have broken in through the back. Let’s get the police over here. I know Will Ballard is still the sheriff because my brother, Rafe, works for him, but Rafe’s in the Academy since he transferred over from L.A. Who else is on the force?”

“Ballard’s son, Zack, works with him, too.”

He rolled his eyes, keeping the mood light. “Lord, save us from Zack Ballard.”

That earned him a snort and his heart clutched. Julia didn’t giggle. She snorted and then the snorts turned into big belly laughs that had everyone joining in. He wanted that woman back…although, this new Julia had a softness about her the old Julia would’ve scorned, and his retro-caveman side found it damned attractive.

The old Julia never wanted children either, but Ryder could tell Julia was a loving mother. Did she reconsider the idea of kids because she’d been carrying his baby? Why didn’t she tell him, and why did she go to Jeremy in Arizona? Did she even get a chance to see Jeremy before he died?

He couldn’t give her all her memories and didn’t know if he wanted to give her the bad ones. Of course she never told him about her pregnancy. He hadn’t wanted children, either.

He’d always shied away from commitments for just that reason. After the disaster of his parents’ marriage and his role in breaking apart his family, he didn’t want one of his own. Didn’t deserve one of his own.

Fifteen minutes later with Shelby sound asleep, the father-son team of Will and Zack Ballard showed up at Julia’s house. Ryder figured Will would’ve retired by now, but maybe he didn’t feel comfortable letting his bumbling son out on the streets without his guidance. Or he figured the new sheriff would fire Zack.

“Good to see you back, Ryder.” Zack crushed Ryder’s hand with his massive paw. “Are you going to stick around this time or do you have another secret assignment coming up?”

Ryder squeezed back until Zack blinked his eyes and struggled out of his grip. Zack always had to prove himself, and he did it with a pumped-up physique and a macho swagger.

“Can’t tell you that, Zack. That’s why it’s called a secret assignment.” Ryder winked to take out the sting of his words. He could understand Zack’s effort to escape the shadow of a larger-than-life father.

Ryder’s own father, Ralph, controlled his ranch and his family with an iron hand. It was one of the reasons Ryder took a job with the CIA—the top secret stuff came later when he joined the covert ops division, Black Cobra…and met Jeremy Scott.

“You look good, boy.” Will pounded him on the back while he shook his hand. He drew his bushy brows over his nose. “I heard you know Julia.”

“I’d forgotten how fast word travels in this town.” Ryder glanced at Julia, who was biting her luscious lower lip. He wanted to protect her from the small-town gossip mill, but she’d probably had a starring role these past few years. This new trouble would only add to her fame.

“Is he clearing things up for you?” Will patted Julia’s shoulder.

“A few things.” She compressed her lips, and Ryder knew he hadn’t escaped her tough questions.

“Let’s get down to business.” Zack crossed his arms over his pumped-up chest. “A perp broke into Julia’s house? Should we seal off the crime scene, Pop…I mean Sheriff Ballard?”

Ryder knew he could count on Zach for some comic relief. He shot a quick look at Julia and her dancing eyes met his as the corner of her mouth twitched. He couldn’t allow her to snort at Zack and destroy his manhood, so he grabbed Zack’s arm and spun him around toward the hallway. “I don’t know if you need to seal off the crime scene, but I’ll take you to the evidence.”

“What’s all this?” Zack stood in the center of Julia’s bedroom, cocking his head, a furrow between his brows.

“It’s my underwear, and the scissors some maniac used to cut it up.” Julia waved her arm at the bed, and then pointed to her open dresser drawer. “He got everything out of that drawer. Ryder and I didn’t touch anything in case he left fingerprints.”

Will pulled out two pairs of gloves from his briefcase and tossed one set to Zack, who’d dropped to his knees by the side of the bed.

Zack snapped on the gloves and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he ran his hands through Julia’s sliced-up lingerie. It thrilled Ryder that beneath her jeans and T-shirt Julia still had a fondness of sexy lingerie, but that didn’t mean he wanted some other man to get a thrill out of it.

“The scissors, Zack. Maybe he left prints.” Ryder kneed Zack in the back.

Zack reddened to the roots of his receding hairline. He plucked the scissors from the mattress and then dropped them in the plastic bag his father held out for him.

The Ballards dusted the rest of the room for prints, including the ransacked dresser drawer, but came up empty. Ryder showed them the back door. The intruder hadn’t left any prints there either, but he had jimmied the lock.

“Do you have another evidence bag for this?” Julia held up the flowers by the end of the yellow ribbon. “It was on my porch when we got home. There was another one this morning, but it’s gone, and I threw away the other two I got in the past two weeks.”

“Looks like you got yourself a secret admirer, Julia. The flowers and the scene in the bedroom are obviously connected.” Will took the bouquet from Julia and dropped it into another plastic bag.

Julia hunched her shoulders. “The flowers were one thing, but why did he get violent?”

“Probably because you didn’t show proper appreciation for the offering this morning.” Ryder draped an arm around Julia, and turned to Will. “Julia stomped on the flowers the guy left this morning.”

“Seems like overkill to me.” Will jerked his thumb toward the bedroom. “Anyone ask you on a date, Julia? Someone you turned down?”

Leaning against Ryder, Julia shook her head. “N-no.”

Ryder clenched his jaw. Was she lying? Why would she lie to protect someone? Julia had been loyal to a fault. Her girlfriends in Paris tried to warn her about Jeremy’s cheating ways, but Julia shrugged them off. Until she walked in on the evidence.

Will grabbed his hat. “Get that lock fixed, and I know you always do, but keep your doors locked. Be aware of your surroundings and be careful going to and from that night class in Durango.”

Julia jerked beneath his arm, and Ryder slid a gaze to her face, which paled. “Anything else?”

Gripping her hands in front of her, Julia told them about the driver of a dark sedan trying to get her to pull over on the highway and the loose lug nuts on her wheel.

“Do you think he might have something to do with the break-in?” Her gaze darted between the three men, settling on Will.

“Maybe. Did you get a good look at the driver?” Will took a spiral notebook out of his pocket and scribbled a few notes.

“No. It was dark. He was wearing sunglasses, which was weird, and he had black hair, but it could’ve been brown.” Julia glanced at Ryder’s hair.

Great. Did she suspect him?

“Just be careful.” Will shoved his notebook back in his pocket. “We’ll run the scissors and the ribbons for fingerprints. Doesn’t help that we’re at the beginning of the summer tourist season. The hotels, B and B’s and dude ranches are already filling up, and we have plenty of strangers in town.”

“I’ll make sure she stays safe.” Ryder clasped Julia’s hands, still wound tightly in front of her.

Will’s brows shot up and Julia stepped back, snatching her hands away from Ryder.

Zack cleared his throat. “Don’t tell me you’re married to Julia, too.”

Will elbowed his son in the ribs. “Let’s get going, Zack. I’m sure Ryder and Julia have a lot to discuss outside of all this mess. We’ll let you know if we find anything, Julia.”

When the Ballards left, Julia peeked in on Shelby and then returned to the scene of the crime to sift through her shredded lingerie.

Ryder propped a shoulder on the door. “Anything salvageable?”

“Not much.” Perching on the edge of the bed, she held up two pieces of a bra, snipped in half.

His gut twisted and he dug his shoulder into the doorjamb to keep from rushing across the room and taking her in his arms. Did this attack have anything to do with her past? He owed her the truth. She’d be safer knowing the truth.

“Zack’s an idiot, but did you have a lot of men coming out of the woodwork claiming to be your husband?”

Julia fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. “Yeah. The local papers ran my story and scores of people stepped forward to claim me.” Her hands clawed at the remnants of her underwear.

“I felt sorry for most of them seeking runaway daughters, missing wives, lost sisters. They all came looking for something. They all wanted me to be someone.”

A cold fear cinched the back of his neck. Any of those imposters could’ve fooled her. “How did you rule them out?”

“They had to have proof.” She scooped up the silky material and let it fall on top of her like giant, colorful snowflakes. “And nobody had it.”

“Have you tried to regain your memory?”

“Yep—first a hypnotist and then a psychologist. I’m still working on it. I see Dr. Brody in Durango once a week. He’s a hypnotist, too, but that didn’t work for me.”

“Is he helping at all? Have you had any glimmers of memories?”

She sat up, clutching the shredded underwear to her chest. “Not until today.”

“You mean my telling you about your past triggered some memories?” He held his breath, his heart thumping painfully against his rib cage.

“No. You did.”

“What does that mean?”

“You.” She jumped up and the silky material slid from her body, pooling on the floor. “Just being near you makes me feel…”

She remembered. Ryder took a step forward, but Julia held her hands out, palms forward. The gesture sliced him like a sharp blade. He had to give her time. He had to give Shelby time. Would this new Julia fall in love with him all over again?

“Tell me about Jeremy. How did I meet him?”

He clenched his jaw. He didn’t want to talk about her and Jeremy and their ill-fated relationship, but he represented her only link to her past right now and she deserved to get that back. Warts and all.

“Like I mentioned, you worked as a tour guide at the Louvre. Jeremy worked for the same organization as I do, a covert branch of the CIA, and he went to Paris between assignments.”

Her brown eyes widened. “I was married to a spy? How did we meet?”

“Where a lot of couples meet, at a party.”

She sawed at her bottom lip, a small crease between her brows. “Did I party a lot?”

Not only did Julia party a lot, she was the life of every party she attended. Her wild behavior and expensive tastes attracted a merry band of revelers willing to follow her anywhere.

“Well?”

Ryder glanced at the woman before him, her hands shoved into a pair of faded jeans, a smudge of dirt on the shoulder of her cheap T-shirt.

“Yeah, you did. Your father had passed away the year before and I think most of your…hijinks…came from grief. Anyway, you and Jeremy hit it off and got married a few months later.”

“Short courtship, no wonder it ended in divorce.” She scuffed the toe of her tennis shoe against the carpet. “Were you at that party?”

“No.” If he had been there, Jeremy never would’ve had a chance with Julia.

“The marriage must’ve gone downhill pretty quickly.”

“I’m sorry, Julia. Jeremy cheated on you, and you found out the hard way.”

She shrugged. “It’s not as if I remember the guy, but it’s not easy to hear that Shelby’s father was a cheat.”

Ryder licked his dry lips. She needed more time. Maybe she’d remember on her own. “Is this ringing any bells?”

“It resounds here.” She clenched her fist and tapped her chest above her heart. “When I started looking for my identity, I had the feeling I didn’t want to find my husband. I wanted to stay lost. Now I know why.”

“Yeah, but we still don’t know why you followed him to Arizona.”

“A package.” Julia gasped and pressed her fingers to her temples.

“What?” Ryder’s head jerked up. “Do you remember something?”

Sinking to the bed, Julia massaged her head. “I just had a flash of memory—a picture of a small flat package wrapped in white paper and tied with twine.”

“Have you ever had a flash of memory like this before?” Ryder settled on the bed next to her, running a hand down her stiff back.

“Only once, but it was a word that came to me, not a picture.”

“What was the word?”

“A name—Shelby.”

The air whistled through Ryder’s teeth. Julia remembered his grandmother’s name and chose it for her daughter…his daughter.

“Ryder.” She placed her hand on his thigh. “Why would I name my daughter after your grandmother? Why did I come here to Silverhill?”

Ryder debated just what to tell her, how honest he should be. He didn’t think she was ready to hear the whole truth. “We talked a lot, Julia.” He plucked her hand from his leg, turned it over, and traced a fingertip along the lines on her palm. “I told you about Silverhill, about my family’s ranch and my grandmother who worked alongside my grandfather to build the ranch. Her strength and determination fascinated you.”

“Because I had a life filled with frivolous parties and superficial relationships?”

“Maybe.” He rubbed his thumb in the center of her hand. “But you weren’t superficial. You were strong…are strong, and I think you wanted something more from your life.”

“Do you think I decided to find it in Silverhill?” She folded her fingers over his thumb, capturing it against the warmth of her hand.

“I think you delivered that package to Jeremy, and something happened in Arizona, something that landed you in a stolen car with mounds of cash. You fled to Silverhill to seek the protection of my family, the family you’d heard so much about.”

She shook her head and her silky brown hair slid over her shoulder. “But what? What could’ve happened?”

Ryder pushed up from the bed and paced in front of the window. Did he want these memories to come back for her? Would they put her in danger?

“You know.” Julia jumped from the bed and blocked his path, hands planted on her hips. “Tell me. How did Jeremy die and where?”

Ryder blew out a breath and squared his shoulders. “Jeremy was murdered over three years ago…in Arizona.”

Chapter Four

A dull pain thudded against her temples and she dropped to the edge of the bed. “Three years ago in Arizona?”

“I heard about it a month after it happened.” Joining her on the bed, Ryder rested an arm across her shoulders. “That’s when I called you in Paris and discovered you’d left for the States.”

“Arizona.” She gripped the bedspread with stiff fingers. She must’ve seen Jeremy before he was murdered or maybe she witnessed the murder, or…“Do you think I…?”

“Had anything to do with the murder?” He stroked her hair, and his hands seemed to draw the tension out of her body. “Absolutely not. You’re no expert in explosives.”

“Explosives?” She jerked her head up. “Jeremy died in a bomb blast?”

“Someone planted plastiques around his house in Arizona and detonated them while Jeremy was inside. They identified his remains, or at least some jewelry he wore. The fire from the bomb blast incinerated his body.”

“Do you think that’s what I was running from? Do you think I was there when the house exploded and Jeremy died?”

“Maybe.” Ryder plucked up one of her hands, nervously bunching the bedspread, and chafed it between his two palms. “Julia, Jeremy was no longer working for the agency when he was killed. He was under investigation for espionage, selling State secrets.”

She swallowed and the pain in her head came roaring back. Her past got crazier and crazier each time Ryder revealed a piece of information. “Did the agency kill him?”

“Black Cobra works outside the boundaries of government oversight, but not that far outside. If we gathered enough evidence, we would’ve arrested him and charged him with treason.”

“Black Cobra? Is that the name of your agency?”

Squeezing her hand, he nodded. “Not even my family knows that, but you knew the name before. You deserve to know it now.”

Black Cobra. Drawing her brows together, she grabbed Ryder’s forearm and turned it around to inspect the inside, running her fingertip from his elbow to his wrist.

Ryder sucked in a sharp breath. “What is it, Julia? Do you remember something?”

“A tattoo. I remember a tattoo of a black snake, here on someone’s arm.”

“You remember Jeremy’s tattoo.” Ryder shrugged. “He had a flair for the dramatic.”

She jumped up from the bed. “Oh my God, it’s all going to come back to me, isn’t it? With you here feeding me information, I’m going to start remembering. I’ll finally know why I was in that stolen car with all the money. I’ll be able to give Shelby a little bit of her father back.”

Ryder stiffened, his blue eyes kindling with emotion.

“Jeremy wasn’t all bad, was he, Ryder?” She dropped to her knees in front of him. “I can tell Shelby a few good things about her father, can’t I?”

His jaw tightened and then he cupped her face in his hands. “Jeremy had a great sense of humor, always playing practical jokes. He attracted people to him effortlessly, could make anyone do just about anything. That’s why it cut so deep when he turned.”

“Why do you think he did it?” She leaned her elbows on his knees.

“He scratched and scrambled his way out of a tough neighborhood in New York. He liked money and material possessions. His government job didn’t provide him with enough of either. But more than anything, Jeremy liked to take risks.”

Crossing her legs, she leaned back on her hands. “I can’t believe I’d fall for someone like that and actually marry him.”

“You were in a vulnerable place after your father died.” His lips twisted. “Jeremy swept you off your feet. He could do that to women.”

“Apparently he didn’t stop doing it even after we got married.”

“No, but at least his infidelity opened your eyes, and you dumped him. I don’t think anyone had ever dumped Jeremy before.”

“I wish…” Drawing her knees to her chest, she covered her mouth with her hand. She wished Ryder with his strong presence and protective manner had been at that party in Paris instead of Jeremy. Maybe then he’d be Shelby’s father instead of some unfaithful, treasonous dead man.

“Are you all right?” Ryder slid to the floor in front of her, his knees touching hers. “What do you wish, Julia?”

His intense gaze seared her face, and her mind struggled to give him what he demanded—recognition. Although her brain couldn’t process Ryder McClintock, her heart could. She felt this man deep in her bones. Somehow she knew she could depend on him, had depended on him in the past. He’d saved her once, and she knew he wouldn’t hesitate to do so again.

Why wouldn’t he explain everything?

“You’re on the floor.” Shelby tumbled into the room, giggling. She wedged herself between them. “You’re silly.”

Plucking one of Shelby’s butterscotch curls between his fingers, Ryder said, “Grown-ups like to play on the floor sometimes, too. Kids don’t rule the floor.”

Shelby leaned against Ryder’s legs, touching a finger to his nose. “You’re silly.”

Her daughter knew she could depend on Ryder, too.

Ryder pushed up from the floor, tucking Shelby under one arm. “Do you ladies want to come to dinner at the McClintocks’ tonight?”

Shelby squealed as Ryder swung her back and forth.

Scrambling to her feet, Julia said, “We don’t want to intrude on your family. They’ve barely seen you since you’ve been home.”

“You’re right. They don’t see me for over three years and I drop my bags at the ranch and head on out again.” He set Shelby on her feet, and she reached up her arms for another ride.

“That’s enough, Shelby.”

“I don’t mind.” Ryder scooped up Shelby and carried her into the front yard. On the little patch of grass, he grasped her hands and they went around and around in a circle. Occasionally, Shelby’s feet left the ground and she shrieked in excitement.

“She’s a daredevil.” Julia laughed and shook her head. Shelby loved to play rough, but most of the surrogate fathers she had in Silverhill favored bad backs, walked with canes or tired out after fifteen minutes of Shelby time.

After a few wobbly steps, Shelby scampered away to add to her rock collection.

“That little girl has a lot of energy.” Ryder shoved his hands in the pockets of his faded jeans. “Are you sure about dinner tonight? I know Dad and Pam have heard all about our connection by now and would love to have you and Shelby over.”