Countess Kate

“My Italian mistress did want to come on Monday,” faltered Kate, “but it was not ‘previous.’”

“Then, Kate, who was it that went beside the mark in letting us believe that Lady Barbara locked you up to make you tell falsehoods?”

“Indeed, Papa, I did not say locked—Charlie and Sylvia said that.”

“But did you correct them?”

“O Papa, I did not mean it!  But I am naughty now!  I always am naughty, so much worse than I used to be at home.  Indeed I am, and I never do get into a good vein now.  O Papa, Papa, can’t you get me out of it all?  If you could only take me home again!  I don’t think my aunts want to keep me—they say I am so bad and horrid, and that I make Aunt Jane ill.  Oh, take me back, Papa!”

He did take her on his knee, and held her close to him.  “I wish I could, my dear,” he said; “I should like to have you again! but it cannot be.  It is a different state of life that has been appointed for you; and you would not be allowed to make your home with me, with no older a person than Mary to manage for you.  If your aunt had not been taken from us, then—” and Kate ventured to put her arm round his neck—“then this would have been your natural home; but as things are with us, I could not make my house such as would suit the requirements of those who arrange for you.  And, my poor child, I fear we let the very faults spring up that are your sorrow now.”

“Oh no, no, Papa, you helped me!  Aunt Barbara only makes me—oh! may I say?—hate her! for indeed there is no helping it!  I can’t be good there.”

“What is it?  What do you mean, my dear?  What is your difficulty?  And I will try to help you.”

Poor Kate found it not at all easy to explain when she came to particulars.  “Always cross,” was the clearest idea in her mind; “never pleased with her, never liking anything she did—not punishing, but much worse.”  She had not made out her case, she knew; but she could only murmur again, “It all went wrong, and I was very unhappy.”

Mr. Wardour sighed from the bottom of his heart; he was very sorrowful, too, for the child that was as his own.  And then he went back and thought of his early college friend, and of his own wife who had so fondled the little orphan—all that was left of her sister.  It was grievous to him to put that child away from him when she came clinging to him, and saying she was unhappy, and led into faults.

“It will be better when your uncle comes home,” he began.

“Oh no, Papa, indeed it will not.  Uncle Giles is more stern than Aunt Barbara.  Aunt Jane says it used to make her quite unhappy to see how sharp he was with poor Giles and Frank.”

“I never saw him in his own family,” said Mr. Wardour thoughtfully; “but this I know, Kate, that your father looked up to him, young as he then was, more than to anyone; that he was the only person among them all who ever concerned himself about you or your mother; and that on the two occasions when I saw him, I thought him very like your father.”

“I had rather he was like you, Papa,” sighed Kate.  “Oh, if I was but your child!” she added, led on by a little involuntary pressure of his encircling arm.

“Don’t let us talk of what is not, but of what is,” said Mr. Wardour; “let us try to look on things in their right light.  It has been the will of Heaven to call you, my little girl, to a station where you will, if you live, have many people’s welfare depending on you, and your example will be of weight with many.  You must go through training for it, and strict training may be the best for you.  Indeed, it must be the best, or it would not have been permitted to befall you.”

“But it does not make me good, it makes me naughty.”

“No, Kate; nothing, nobody can make you naughty; nothing is strong enough to do that.”

Kate knew what he meant, and hung her head.

“My dear, I do believe that you feel forlorn and dreary, and miss the affection you have had among us; but have you ever thought of the Friend who is closest of all to us, and who is especially kind to a fatherless child?”

“I can’t—I can’t feel it—Papa, I can’t.  And then, why was it made so that I must go away from you and all?”

“You will see some day, though you cannot see now, my dear.  If you use it rightly, you will feel the benefit.  Meantime, you must take it on trust, just as you do my love for you, though I am going to carry you back.”

“Yes; but I can feel you loving me.”

“My dear child, it only depends on yourself to feel your Heavenly Father loving you.  If you will set yourself to pray with your heart, and think of His goodness to you, and ask Him for help and solace in all your present vexatious and difficulties, never mind how small, you will become conscious of his tender pity and love to you.”

“Ah! but I am not good!”

“But He can make you so, Kate.  Your have been wearied by religious teaching hitherto, have you not?”

“Except when it was pretty and like poetry,” whispered Kate.

“Put your heart to your prayers now, Kate.  Look in the Psalms for verses to suit your loneliness; recollect that you meet us in spirit when you use the same Prayers, read the same Lessons, and think of each other.  Or, better still, carry your troubles to Him; and when you have felt His help, you will know what that is far better than I can tell you.”

Kate only answered with a long breath; not feeling as if she could understand such comfort, but with a resolve to try.

“And now,” said Mr. Wardour, “I must take you home to-morrow, and I will speak for you to Lady Barbara, and try to obtain her forgiveness; but, Kate, I do not think you quite understand what a shocking proceeding this was of yours.”

“I know it was wrong to fancy that, and say that about Aunt Barbara.  I’ll tell her so,” said Kate, with a trembling voice.

“Yes, that will be right; but it was this—this expedition that I meant.”

“It was coming to you, Papa!”

“Yes, Kate; but did you think what an outrageous act it was?  There is something particularly grievous in a little girl, or a woman of any age, casting off restraint, and setting out in the world unprotected and contrary to authority.  Do you know, it frightened me so much, that till I saw more of you I did not like you to be left alone with Sylvia.”

The deep red colour flushed all over Kate’s face and neck in her angry shame and confusion, burning darker and more crimson, so that Mr. Wardour was very sorry for her, and added, “I am obliged to say this, because you ought to know that it is both very wrong in itself, and will be regarded by other people as more terrible than what you are repenting of more.  So, if you do find yourself distrusted and in disgrace, you must not think it unjust and cruel, but try to submit patiently, and learn not to be reckless and imprudent.  My poor child, I wish you could have so come to us that we might have been happier together.  Perhaps you will some day; and in the meantime, if you have any troubles, or want to know anything, you may always write to me.”

“Writing is not speaking,” said Kate ruefully.

“No; but it comes nearer to it as people get older.  Now go, my dear; I am busy, and you had better make the most of your time with your cousins.”

Kate’s heart was unburthened now; and though there was much alarm, pain, and grief, in anticipation, yet she felt more comfortable in herself than she had done for months.  “Papa” had never been so tender with her, and she knew that he had forgiven her.  She stept back to the drawing-room, very gentle and subdued, and tried to carry out her plans of living one of her old days, by beginning with sharing the lessons as usual, and then going out with her cousins to visit the school, and see some of the parishioners.  It was very nice and pleasant; she was as quiet and loving as possible, and threw herself into all the dear old home matters.  It was as if for a little while Katharine was driven out of Katharine, and a very sweet little maiden left instead—thinking about other things and people instead of herself, and full of affection and warmth.  The improvement that the half year’s discipline had made in her bearing and manners was visible now; her uncouth abrupt ways were softened, though still she felt that the naturally gentle and graceful Sylvia would have made a better countess than she did.

They spent the evening in little tastes of all their favourite drawing-room games, just for the sake of having tried them once more; and Papa himself came in and took a share—a very rare treat;—and he always thought of such admirable things in “Twenty questions,” and made “What’s my thought like?” more full of fun than anyone.

It was a very happy evening—one of the most happy that Kate had ever passed.  She knew how to enjoy her friends now, and how precious they were to her; and she was just so much tamed by the morning’s conversation, and by the dread of the future, as not to be betrayed into dangerously high spirits.  That loving, pitying way of Mary’s, and her own Sylvia’s exceeding pleasure in having her, were delightful; and all through she felt the difference between the real genuine love that she could rest on, and the mere habit of fondling of the other Sylvia.

“O Sylvia,” she said, as they walked upstairs, hand in hand, pausing on every stop to make it longer, “how could I be so glad to go away before?”

“We didn’t know,” said Sylvia.

“No,” as they crept up another step; “Sylvia, will you always think of me just here on this step, as you go up to bed?”

“Yes,” said Sylvia, “that I will.  And, Katie, would it be wrong just to whisper a little prayer then that you might be good and happy?”

“It couldn’t be wrong, Sylvia; only couldn’t you just ask, too, for me to come home?”

“I don’t know,” said Sylvia thoughtfully, pausing a long time on the step.  “You see we know it is sure to be God’s will that you should be good and happy; but if it was not for you to come home, we might be like Balaam, you know, if we asked it too much, and it might come about in some terrible way.”

“I didn’t think of that,” said Kate.  And the two little girls parted gravely and peacefully; Kate somehow feeling as if, though grievous things were before her, the good little kind Sylvia’s hearty prayers must obtain some good for her.

There is no use in telling how sad the parting was when Mr. Wardour and the little Countess set out for London again.  Mary had begged hard to go too, thinking that she could plead for Kate better than anyone else; but Mr. Wardour thought Lady Barbara more likely to be angered than softened by their clinging to their former charge; and besides, it was too great an expense.

He had no doubt of Lady Barbara’s displeasure from the tone of the note that morning received, coldly thanking him and Miss Wardour for their intelligence, and his promise to restore Lady Caergwent on Tuesday.  She was sorry to trouble him to bring the child back; she would have come herself, but that her sister was exceedingly unwell, from the alarm coming at a time of great family affliction.  If Lady Caergwent were not able to return on Tuesday, she would send down her own maid to bring her home on Wednesday.  The letter was civility itself; but it was plain that Lady Barbara thought Kate’s illness no better than the “previous engagement,” in the note that never was written.

What was the family affliction?  Kate could not guess, but was inclined to imagine privately that Aunt Barbara was magnifying Uncle Giles’s return without being a General into a family affliction, on purpose to aggravate her offence.  However, in the train, Mr. Wardour, who had been looking at the Supplement of the Times, lent to him by a fellow-traveller, touched her, and made her read—

“On the 11th, at Alexandria, in his 23rd year, Lieutenant Giles de la Poer Umfraville, of the 109th regiment; eldest, and last survivor of the children of the Honourable Giles Umfraville, late Lieutenant-Colonel of the 109th regiment.”

Kate knew she ought to be very sorry, and greatly pity the bereaved father and mother; but, somehow, she could not help dwelling most upon the certainty that everyone would be much more hard upon her, and cast up this trouble to her, as if she had known of it, and run away on purpose to make it worse.  It must have been this that they were talking about in Aunt Jane’s room, and this must have made them so slow to detect her flight.

In due time the train arrived, a cab was taken, and Kate, beginning to tremble with fright, sat by Mr. Wardour, and held his coat as if clinging to him as long as she could was a comfort.  Sometimes she wished the cab would go faster, so that it might be over; sometimes—especially when the streets became only too well known to her—she wished that they would stretch out and out for ever, that she might still be sitting by Papa, holding his coat.  It seemed as if that would be happiness enough for life!

Here was Bruton Street; here the door that on Saturday had shut behind her!  It was only too soon open, and Kate kept her eyes on the ground, ashamed that even the butler should see her.  She hung back, waiting till Mr. Wardour had paid the cabman; but there was no spinning it out, she had to walk upstairs, her only comfort being that her hand was in his.

No one was in the drawing-room; but before long Lady Barbara came in.  Kate durst not look up at her, but was sure, from the tone of her voice, that she must have her very sternest face; and there was something to make one shiver in the rustle of her silk dress as she curtsied to Mr. Wardour.

“I have brought home my little niece,” he said, drawing Kate forward; “and I think I may truly say, that she is very sorry for what has passed.”

There was a pause; Kate knew the terrible black eyes were upon her, but she felt, besides, the longing to speak out the truth, and a sense that with Papa by her side she had courage to do so.

“I am sorry, Aunt Barbara,” she said; “I was very self-willed; I ought not to have fancied things, nor said you used me ill, and wanted me to tell stories.”

Kate’s heart was lighter; though it beat so terribly as she said those words.  She knew that they pleased one of the two who were present, and she knew they were right.

“It is well you should be so far sensible of your misconduct,” said Lady Barbara; but her voice was as dry and hard as ever, and Mr. Wardour added, “She is sincerely sorry; it is from her voluntary confession that I know how much trouble she has given you; and I think, if you will kindly forgive her, that you will find her less self-willed in future.”

And he shoved Kate a little forward, squeezing her hand, and trying to withdraw his own.  She perceived that he meant that she ought to ask pardon; and though it went against her more than her first speech had done, she contrived to say, “I do beg pardon, Aunt Barbara; I will try to do better.”

“My pardon is one thing, Katharine,” said Lady Barbara.  “If your sorrow is real, of course I forgive you;” and she took Kate’s right-hand—the left was still holding by the fingers’ ends to Mr. Wardour.  “But the consequences of such behaviour are another consideration.  My personal pardon cannot, and ought not, to avert them—as I am sure you must perceive, Mr. Wardour,” she added, as the frightened child retreated upon him.  Those consequences of Aunt Barbara’s were fearful things!  Mr. Wardour said something, to which Kate scarcely attended in her alarm, and her aunt went on—

“For Lady Caergwent’s own sake, I shall endeavour to keep this most unfortunate step as much a secret as possible.  I believe that scarcely anyone beyond this house is aware of it; and I hope that your family will perceive the necessity of being equally cautious.”

Mr. Wardour bowed, and assented.

“But,” added Lady Barbara, “it has made it quite impossible for my sister and myself to continue to take the charge of her.  My sister’s health has suffered from the constant noise and restlessness of a child in the house: the anxiety and responsibility are far too much for her; and in addition to this, she had such severe nervous seizures from the alarm of my niece’s elopement, that nothing would induce me to subject her to a recurrence of such agitation.  We must receive the child for the present, of course; but as soon as my brother returns, and can attend to business, the matter must be referred to the Lord Chancellor, and an establishment formed, with a lady at the head, who may have authority and experience to deal with such an ungovernable nature.”

“Perhaps,” said Mr. Wardour, “under these circumstances it might be convenient for me to take her home again for the present.”

Kate quivered with hope; but that was far too good to be true; Lady Barbara gave a horrid little cough, and there was a sound almost of offence in her “Thank you, you are very kind, but that would be quite out of the question.  I am at present responsible for my niece.”

“I thought, perhaps,” said Mr. Wardour, as an excuse for the offer, “that as Lady Jane is so unwell, and Colonel Umfraville in so much affliction, it might be a relief to part with her at present.”

“Thank you,” again said Lady Barbara, as stiffly as if her throat were lined with whalebone; “no inconvenience can interfere with my duty.”

Mr. Wardour knew there was no use in saying any more, and inquired after Lady Jane.  She had, it appeared, been very ill on Saturday evening, and had not since left her room.  Mr. Wardour then said that Kate had not been aware, till a few hours ago, of the death of her cousin, and inquired anxiously after the father and mother; but Lady Barbara would not do more than answer direct questions, and only said that her nephew had been too much weakened to bear the journey, and had sunk suddenly at Alexandria, and that his father was, she feared, very unwell.  She could not tell how soon he was likely to be in England.  Then she thanked Mr. Wardour for having brought Lady Caergwent home, and offered him some luncheon; but in such a grave grand way, that it was plain that she did not want him to eat it, and, feeling that he could do no more good, he kissed poor Kate and wished Lady Barbara good-bye.

Poor Kate stood, drooping, too much constrained by dismay even to try to cling to him, or run after him to the foot of the stairs.

“Now, Katharine,” said her aunt, “come up with me to your Aunt Jane’s room.  She has been so much distressed about you, that she will not be easy till she has seen you.”

Kate followed meekly; and found Aunt Jane sitting by the fire in her own room, looking flushed, hot, and trembling.  She held out her arms, and Kate ran into them; but neither of them dared to speak, and Lady Barbara stood up, saying, “She says she is very sorry, and thus we may forgive her; as I know you do all the suffering you have undergone on her account.”

Lady Jane held the child tighter, and Kate returned her kisses with all her might; but the other aunt said, “That will do.  She must not be too much for you again.”  And they let go as if a cold wind had blown between them.

“Did Mr. Wardour bring her home?” asked Lady Jane.

“Yes; and was kind enough to propose taking her back again,” was the answer, with a sneer, that made Kate feel desperately angry, though she did not understand it.

In truth, Lady Barbara was greatly displeased with the Wardours.  She had always been led to think her niece’s faults the effect of their management; and she now imagined that there had been some encouragement of the child’s discontent to make her run away; and that if they had been sufficiently shocked and concerned, the truant would have been brought home much sooner.  It all came of her having allowed her niece to associate with those children at Bournemouth.  She would be more careful for the future.

Careful, indeed, she was!  She had come to think of her niece as a sort of small wild beast that must never be let out of sight of some trustworthy person, lest she should fly away again.

A daily governess, an elderly person, very grave and silent, came in directly after breakfast, walked with the Countess, and heard the lessons; and after her departure, Kate was always to be in the room with her aunts, and never was allowed to sit in the schoolroom and amuse herself alone; but her tea was brought into the dining-room while her aunts were at dinner, and morning, noon, and night, she knew that she was being watched.

It was very bitter to her.  It seemed to take all the spirit away from her, as if she did not care for books, lessons, or anything else.  Sometimes her heart burnt with hot indignation, and she would squeeze her hands together, or wring round her handkerchief in a sort of misery; but it never got beyond that; she never broke out, for she was depressed by what was still worse, the sense of shame.  Lady Barbara had not said many words, but had made her feel, in spite of having forgiven her, that she had done a thing that would be a disgrace to her for ever; a thing that would make people think twice before they allowed their children to associate with her; and that put her below the level of other girls.  The very pain that Lady Barbara took to hush it up, her fears lest it should come to the ears of the De la Poers, her hopes that it might not be necessary to reveal it to her brother, assisted to weigh down Kate with a sense of the heinousness of what she had done, and sunk her so that she had no inclination to complain of the watchfulness around her.  And Aunt Jane’s sorrowful kindness went to her heart.

“How could you do it, my dear?” she said, in such a wonderful wistful tone, when Kate was alone with her.

Kate hung her head.  She could not think now.

“It is so sad,” added Lady Jane; “I hoped we might have gone on so nicely together.  And now I hope your Uncle Giles will not hear of it.  He would be so shocked, and never trust you again.”

“You will trust me, when I have been good a long time, Aunt Jane?”

“My dear, I would trust you any time, you know; but then that’s no use.  I can’t judge; and your Aunt Barbara says, after such lawlessness, you need very experienced training to root out old associations.”

Perhaps the aunts were more shocked than was quite needful and treated Kate as if she had been older and known better what she was doing; but they were sincere in their horror at her offence; and once she even heard Lady Barbara saying to Mr. Mercer that there seemed to be a doom on the family—in the loss of the promising young man—and—

The words were not spoken, but Kate knew that she was this greatest of all misfortunes to the family.

Poor child!  In the midst of all this, there was one comfort.  She had not put aside what Mr. Wardour had told her about the Comforter she could always have.  She did say her prayers as she had never said them before, and she looked out in the Psalms and Lessons for comforting verses.  She knew she had done very wrong, and she asked with all the strength of her heart to be forgiven, and made less unhappy, and that people might be kinder to her.  Sometimes she thought no help was coming, and that her prayers did no good, but she went on; and then, perhaps, she got a kind little caress from Lady Jane, or Mr. Mercer spoke good-naturedly to her, or Lady Barbara granted her some little favour, and she felt as if there was hope and things were getting better; and she took courage all the more to pray that Uncle Giles might not be very hard upon her, nor the Lord Chancellor very cruel.

CHAPTER XIV

A fortnight had passed, and had seemed nearly as long as a year, since Kate’s return from Oldburgh, when one afternoon, when she was lazily turning over the leaves of a story-book that she knew so well by heart that she could go over it in the twilight, she began to gather from her aunt’s words that somebody was coming.

They never told her anything direct; but by listening a little more attentively to what they were saying, she found out that a letter—no, a telegram—had come while she was at her lessons; that Aunt Barbara had been taking rooms at a hotel; that she was insisting that Jane should not imagine they would come to-night—they would not come till the last train, and then neither of them would be equal—

“Poor dear Emily!  But could we not just drive to the hotel and meet them?  It will be so dreary for them.”

“You go out at night! and for such a meeting! when you ought to be keeping yourself as quiet as possible!  No, depend upon it they will prefer getting in quietly, and resting to-night; and Giles, perhaps, will step in to breakfast in the morning.”