It's Now Or Never

‘Sorry about that, I got waylaid!’ He had a big apologetic smile on his face. He shoved a couple of cardboard boxes away with his foot and with difficulty found a rare empty spot on his messy desk to place the brimming mugs, sending a whole heap of paperwork scattering to the floor in the process. I smiled and leant down to collect the papers, returning them to his desk.

‘Oh, don’t worry about that. I’ll pick them up later.’ He sat down in his leather swivel chair and gave a little side-to-side jiggle. ‘So what was it you wanted to speak to me about then?’

‘Well…’

I wondered if I wasn’t about to make the biggest mistake of my life. Matt was much more than a boss to me. Over the years he’d been a mentor, a funny and supportive colleague, and always a friend.

Today he was wearing the Browns standard issue green polo shirt, the same one that all the employees wore, with brown khaki waterproof trousers and big black boots. It only occurred to me now that with his tall, broad build and his well-defined physique, out of all the workforce, Matt probably suited the company uniform best of all. To be honest, with my mid-brown hair (mousy to anyone being unkind) and pale skin (pasty, to the unkind lady over there) it had never really done me any favours.

In comparison, it did Matt many favours. I wondered for the first time if he hadn’t chosen the earthy colours of the corporate identity to complement the warm brown of his eyes and the chestnut hue of his unruly curly hair. His strong, defined forearms were a deep golden brown, testament to the number of hours he spent outdoors, where he could always be found lending a hand to any department where there might be a shortfall of labour that day. You rarely saw Matt suited and booted or sitting behind his desk, come to that. Which probably explained the mess…

‘The thing is, Matt…’ I faltered. Why was I suddenly distracted by the colour of his eyes? It wasn’t too late to change my mind, to come up with an excuse for why I needed to talk to him.

‘The thing is, Matt. I wanted to give you this.’ Boldly, I handed over the envelope with my letter of resignation inside. Too late for backing out now.

He looked askance, at me and then at the envelope.

‘What is it?’

‘I’m really sorry, but I’ve decided it’s time for me to move on. It’s my resignation,’ I added, in case he was in any doubt.

He fell silent, looking at the paper in his hands, his eyes scanning the words, before he looked across at me again.

‘What? Why? You can’t leave! I won’t allow it. You’re my right-hand man, Jen. A central player in the Browns team. Why would you want to leave?’

I squirmed in my seat, my hands clasped together tightly in my lap. That was a good question. It would have been so much easier if I could have told him that I had a brilliant new job to go to, or that I was going off to university to study something unfathomable or I was rushing off to marry my soulmate and we were going to sail around the world together, but I had no such excuses.

‘Well, you know when I joined Browns it was only ever intended to be a temporary summer job. That was nine years ago now.’

‘Yes, and look at you now, Jen! You’re part of the Browns family.’

What is it they say about the best laid plans? It was my first job after finishing my A-levels, a way to earn some extra cash before going off to university in the September, but when Mum fell ill everything changed. There was no way I was going to leave her and move three hundred miles to the other end of country. A gap year spent working at the garden centre and nursing Mum back to health would have been the perfect compromise, but it wasn’t as straightforward as that. Mum’s illness was long and drawn-out and when she died two years’ later my desire to go to uni died with her. In the long and dark days following her death, my job had been a lifeline; it gave me something to wake up for in the mornings, a comforting routine that brought an element of normality to my life. Matt had been instrumental in offering me that small sense of hope.

Since then I’d worked in every department there was; from serving in the restaurant, to working outside caring for the plants, to sourcing items for the gift store, which had become my permanent role over the last couple of years.

‘But if I don’t leave now, I might never leave. I might spend the rest of my life here, picking up my pension when I’m a very old lady.’

Matt grunted.

‘And would that be such a bad thing?’

I laughed. Obviously it wouldn’t seem that way to Matt. This was his life. He’d been brought up in the business, it was all he’d ever known. The success of the store today was down hugely to Matt’s hard work and commitment and he could be proud of that, but to me it was ultimately just a job.

‘I’m sorry, Matt. I promise you it’s nothing personal. It’s just something I feel I need to do right now.

‘Well, I can’t say I’m not saddened by this news. Is there nothing I can do to make you change your mind? If it’s a case of more money then you know that wouldn’t be a problem.’

‘No, it’s not about the money or even the job. I’ve loved working here, you know that, and I’ve made so many good friends. It’s just the right time for me to move on.’

‘What will you do?’

‘I’ve got lots of plans. I’ve been writing some articles for the gardening magazines. I’d like to devote more time to that if I can. I was also thinking about setting up my own blog, gardening hints and ideas for a new generation. Young single people or elderly people living alone, newly married couples, people who don’t have much outdoor space, but who still want to find a way to bring some greenery, a touch of the outdoors, into their lives.’

‘Sounds great.’

‘I’ve also been thinking about developing a range of savoury jams and chutneys. Similar to those we’re already selling in the food store, but maybe experimenting with some different variations.’

‘Really? I didn’t know you were a cook.’

‘I’m not. I might need to learn.’

Matt raised his eyebrows and smiled at me, as though he thought I might be mad. The same thought had actually occurred to me.

‘I’ll have to sign up to a temp agency to see me over for a few months while I settle on what to do, but I think it will be good for me. You have to remember, I’ve only ever worked here. I don’t know what’s it like to work for another company.’

‘Not as good as working for Browns, that’s for sure,’ said Matt, a rueful smile on his lips.

I wondered if that might be true; that I might never find such a friendly and interesting company to work for, but it was too late for those kind of worries now. I’d done it! After all the prevaricating, I’d finally handed my notice in and taken the first small step on my way to a brand new exciting chapter in my life.

Chapter Three

Ms Angela Peters

and

Mr Tom Sidney Cooper

request the pleasure of your company

at their marriage

on Saturday 19th April

at 1.30 pm

at Casterton Registry Office, Bucks

followed by lunch at Chez Michel

‘Jen, over here!’

I walked up the stone steps of the town hall – one arm held against my forehead blocking out the warm rays of the sun – just managing to make out the small huddle of people congregating outside the doors.

‘Look at you,’ I said, my gaze alighting on Angie when I reached the top of the steps. She was wearing a simple cream linen shift dress with a scalloped collar and hemline, and a matching pashmina wrapped around her shoulders. Her strawberry blonde hair was tied in a French plaint at the back of the head. ‘You look absolutely stunning,’ I whispered in her ear as she grabbed me for a hug. Beautiful, radiant and utterly feminine too. Almost unrecognisable from the Angie I knew and loved, who spent most of her time in cargo trousers, crop tops and Doc Martens.

‘Hi Tom, lovely to see you!’ I said, turning to the groom, trying to sound as though I meant it while the words ‘scumbag, grotbag’ played over in my head. ‘Congratulations!’

‘Thanks, Jen. Yeah, who’d have thought it, eh? It’s been a while.’

Maybe I imagined the awkwardness as he leant in to give me a chaste kiss on the cheek or perhaps it was just because I hadn’t seen him since they’d got back together again. He looked much more handsome in his sleek grey suit than I remembered him to be. Clutching Angie’s hand, looking fondly into her eyes, he looked every inch the devoted husband-to-be. If Angie had found it in her heart to forgive Tom, then maybe I should do the same too.

Be gone with you, scumbag, grotbag and all the other uncharitable names I had for Tom. I allowed my remaining reservations about him and this whirlwind marriage to flutter off in the light spring breeze. This was their special day and, as Angie’s best friend, I was determined to celebrate it with them.

Putting all negative thoughts out of my head I wandered off and said my hellos to some of the other guests and chatted briefly with Angie’s mum and dad, before Angie grabbed me by the arm and led me away.

‘Let me introduce you to Alex. I don’t think you two have met before, have you? Alex and Tom used to work in the city together. Alex, this is my very best friend in the whole wide world, Jen.’

She’d brought me to a standstill in front of the man who was clearly auditioning for the part of most gorgeous wedding guest. In my opinion, without even seeing all the other guests, he’d won the part hands down. I looked up at him and smiled.

‘Delighted to meet you, Jen,’ he said, lifting up my hand and depositing the lightest of kisses on my fingertips in a gesture so gallant and ridiculously over-the-top it made my toes curl.

There’s something about a man in a navy blue suit and a crisp double cuffed white shirt that does funny things to my insides. Don’t ask me why, but it’s always been that way. Added to that the fact that this particular man was over six foot tall with dark hair and warm sparkling eyes and it made for an intriguing combination. As his lips met my fingers I caught the faintest smell of sun-drenched orange groves and I tried to ignore the flip of anticipation that turned in my stomach.

‘I understand you’ll be my partner in crime today?’

‘Excuse me?’ I hadn’t been listening to his words, I’d been too busy taking a surreptitious inhalation trying to recapture the essence of that delicious scent.

‘You’re the other witness, right? Is it your first time too?’

‘Oh yes, my first time,’ I said, concentrating now on his lips, which on close inspection were full and wide and really rather lovely.

Angie had left us alone, giving my hand a gentle squeeze as she went off to greet a couple of new arrivals and I noticed those lips were now twisting in amusement.

‘And do you have the slightest idea what we have to do?’

‘Absolutely no idea whatsoever.’

‘Brilliant, let’s go and do it together then,’ he said, grabbing my hand and leading me inside.

Smiling, I wandered with him into the registry office and we stood to the side of the bride and groom, who seemed oblivious to anything else but each other. Tom tidied Angie’s hair away from her face and whispered something into her ear which made her laugh, happiness radiating from every inch of her being.

Looking around the oak-panelled room, waiting for the registrar to start the proceedings, my eyes landed on the ring of flowers on the desk, and my breath caught at the back of my throat at the enormity of the situation. My best friend, the girl at school who was once named the least likely to get married, was doing exactly that (before me even, which was still a bit of a sore point) and things would never be the same again. It was the end of an era and the start of a brand new one and there was still a tiny part of me that felt hugely unsettled by that fact.

I clasped my hands in front of me letting the words of the registrar, a kindly middle-aged woman, wash over me. The legal formalities were all wrapped up within a matter of minutes. Tom and Angie signed the register, before Alex and I were invited to do the same, adding our names in black ink at the bottom of the page. Signed, sealed, delivered. As easily as that.

***

After some photos, taken by Tom’s brother on the steps of the town hall and on the bridge overlooking the river, our small party took the short walk to the restaurant where we were greeted by Michel, the owner of the establishment, with welcoming glasses of champagne.

‘Can you believe it?’ Angie, already drunk on happiness, radiance and excitement, steered me into a quiet nook of the room. ‘I’m a married woman at last. Who’d have thought it?’ She waved her wedding band in front of my nose.

‘Congratulations, darling. I am so happy for you. And no, I still can’t quite believe it!’ I lifted up her hand to examine her finger just to make sure. ‘Really though, I hope you and Tom have a long and happy married life together filled with love and laughter.’

‘Squeee!’ Angie hugged me so tightly I thought I might faint. ‘We will, Jen. We will.’ She released me from her bear hold and slipped an arm around my waist.

‘You do realise that this changes nothing between us. Obviously I’ll now have to be made an honorary member of the Single Girls’ Club but I still intend to attend our meetings in an advisory capacity only, you understand.’

‘I should hope so too.’

‘Oh yes, our Tuesday nights are going to remain a permanent fixture on my calendar, don’t you worry. I’m going to be coming round to yours and scanning those dating websites with you and I’m not going to stop until we find your Mr Right. Of course, being a married woman, I’m an expert in these matters now and so will expect to find you the perfect man in next to no time.’

‘You reckon, do you?’

‘Absolutely. There’s no question of doubt in my mind.’

We laughed, but I knew it was never going to happen. Giggling at dating profiles had been a blast when we’d both been in the same position, single girls looking for love, but doing it on my own with Angie acting as my chaperone smacked of desperation. And I wasn’t desperate. Absolutely not. Besides, I was quite capable of finding my own romantic hero if I wanted one. I certainly didn’t need anyone’s help on that front.

‘So what do you think of Alex then?’ she whispered in my ear.

I span around just to make sure he wasn’t in the vicinity and his eyes locked on to mine from across the other side of the room, where he was chatting with Tom, as if he knew we were talking about him. He raised his glass of champagne to the air and hooked me with a smile.

‘Well, he seems lovely. Charming and, well, just delightful really.’ I don’t know if it was the effects of the champagne which was being topped up to the brim of my glass faster than I could drink the stuff or whether it was the emotion of the occasion, but I was already feeling lightheaded and we hadn’t even sat down to eat yet.

‘Ha ha, listen to you, acting all coy and “oh yes, he’s delightful.” I’ve seen the way you look at him. You fancy the pants off him, don’t you?’

‘He’s very attractive, I admit, but I’m just appreciating the beauty of a man who is clearly a fine specimen of his breed.’

‘Is that right?’ Angie’s mouth quirked in disbelief. ‘In all seriousness though, he is lovely. Totally charming, but let me just give you a word of advice. If you thought Tom was a player then Alex is in another league all together. He’s a love ‘em and leave ‘em type of guy and I think he’s left plenty behind in his past. I’ve lost count of the number of girlfriends he’s had since I’ve known Tom and none of them have lasted past the three month stage. If you want to keep your heart intact, then honestly, Jen, don’t even go there.’

Okay, so it seemed that the lovely Alex was a scumbag/grotbag out of the same mould as his friend Tom. It didn’t surprise me in the slightest, but then I was a woman of the world and I could certainly handle the likes of Alex whatever-his-name-was. It would need more than a few appreciative glances and a couple of glasses of champagne to get past my exacting standards, I can tell you.

‘That’s very interesting to have the lowdown on Alex’s love life, thank you, but you have absolutely no need to worry on that score. He is so not my type. All that smooth polished sophistication leaves me totally cold. Besides, I could never go out with a guy who was so much better looking than me.’

We giggled and for a moment it was as if we were back at my flat together sharing our dating woes. She took my face in her hands and kissed me on the lips.

‘Listen I ought to go and mingle, but I just want to say thank you for everything you’ve done for me. You’ve been a complete star!’

‘What have I done? I haven’t done anything.’

‘Oh, but you have, Jen. You’ve done everything. You’re the best friend I could ever ask for. You’ve always been there for me and are totally supportive and you’ve never told me I’m doing the wrong thing in marrying Tom. A couple of people have, you know. Oh, and back there, you were absolutely the perfect witness to my marriage. I mean you watched and witnessed the whole thing with… with aplomb.’

I burst out laughing.

‘Well, it was a very difficult job, I have to tell you.’

‘Honestly, I mean it. It wouldn’t have been the same without you.’

I could see tears of happiness and joy brimming in her eyes.

‘Go on,’ I said, shooing her away before we both collapsed in an emotional heap. ‘Go and see to your guests. Oh, and thank you for the warning,’ I said, looking over in Alex’s direction. ‘I’ll be sure to steer well clear.’

Chapter Four

It might have been easy to heed Angie’s advice if it hadn’t been such a small and intimate wedding, but there were only about eighteen of us in total and as luck would have it Alex and I were placed next to each other at the lunch table.

Still there were worse problems to have than having to be wedged up against a good-looking, sweet smelling man at a wedding reception and to be honest I was quite enjoying Alex’s attentiveness. He pulled out my chair, filled my water glass, flapped my napkin with a flourish in the air before laying it on my lap and generally went out of his way to make me feel completely at ease. I wasn’t quite sure why Angie had gone to such lengths to warn me off him – after all, it wasn’t as if I’d be likely to see him again after today.

‘So,’ he said, leaning into my side, his breath warm against my cheek, taunting me with his citrus loveliness again, ‘how long do you give them?’

‘Sorry?’ I said, uncertain I’d heard him correctly.

‘Angie and Tom,’ he whispered. ‘How long do you think it will last?’

I looked over my shoulder to see if Tom’s Nana Gladys who was sitting on the other side of me had heard Alex’s impertinent question but she was deep in conversation with her sister. Thank goodness! I turned back to Alex who looked as though he was actually waiting for some kind of sensible answer.

‘I honestly can’t believe you said that! That’s a terrible question to ask. The ink’s barely dry on their marriage certificate and already you’re questioning how long they’ll be together. That’s so disrespectful. Can’t you just let them have their special day and be happy for them?’

‘Oh, I am happy for them. Really I am. And I hope it works out, but, you know, you can’t help wondering these things, can you?’

‘I haven’t even given it a thought,’ I said, taking a restorative sip of water from my glass. Well actually I had given it more than a second thought, but I would never admit that to anyone else, especially someone I’d only just met. I quickly reassessed my opinion of Alex.

‘Maybe it’s just me then.’ He shrugged, his mouth twisting in a way that might have been charming if I wasn’t quite so irritated with him.

‘Yes, I think it might be. I mean why would you think something like that on a day like today?’

‘Well you have to admit it’s a bit of a lottery, getting married.’

In profile, Alex’s strong jawline and defined cheekbones lent him an air of superiority that might have been intimidating if it wasn’t for the amused knowing smile that seemed to hover permanently at his lips. His eyes flickered with amusement too, particularly when he focused his gaze on me, and I wasn’t sure if he was genuinely worried about the newlyweds’ future or if he was being deliberately provocative. Maybe he knew something I didn’t know. After all, he was Tom’s best friend.

‘Hmm, well in that case we have to hope that Tom and Angie have picked out the winning ticket.’

At the other end of the table Angie’s father stood up and proposed a toast to the bride and groom.

‘To Tom and Angie!’ We all stood up and raised our glasses to the happy couple. Angie and I exchanged a look, one that said ‘I love you, best friend’, and I hoped with every fibre in my being that she really had found her happy ending. Then I chinked glasses with Alex, my gaze lingering on his face a moment too long, distracted by the colour of his eyes which earlier I could have sworn were a dark blue, but now looked to be a greeny-grey hue.

‘Sure, but you have to be realistic about these things,’ he said, once we were sat down again. ‘You only need to look at the divorce figures to know that a lot of marriages will be doomed to failure.’

Distracting eyes or not, he was spoiling my mood. This was a celebration for heaven’s sake. I’d put my concerns away for the day. Why couldn’t he? The champagne was flowing nicely and the waiting staff had just delivered the most delicious looking slice of smoked salmon and prawn terrine to my place which was making my mouth water. I couldn’t wait to tuck in.

‘You are clearly not a romantic, Alex, I can tell,’ I said, hoping that would put an end to that particular line of conversation. I picked up my knife and fork and looked around me to see if it was okay to start. Nothing was going to spoil my appetite today.

He laughed, a warm slow chuckle that caused me to pause, fork in air, for a moment; I hated to admit it but the sound was so intoxicating it warmed my insides.

‘Quite the opposite. I am a complete romantic. That’s why I would only get married if I knew for certain that I’d want to spend the rest of my life with that person.’

‘What?’ I gave him my best, most withering look. ‘Doesn’t everyone think like that when they are about to get married?’ This man was talking complete and utter rubbish. ‘I can’t believe anyone goes into a marriage thinking it’s not going to work.’

‘Perhaps you’re right,’ he said, giving me a sideways glance and the benefit of that lazy smile again. I was wondering now if his eyes were more a hazelly brown colour. ‘Still doesn’t explain why so many marriages fail though.’

‘Who knows, but we shouldn’t be talking about such things today.’ I reprimanded him lightly with a tap on his arm and he looked down at his suit where I’d touched him, as if I’d actually hurt him, and he raised an eyebrow at me with an amused expression on his face.

‘Okay, well let me tell you about my gran and granddad. They met when she was sixteen and he was seventeen. Her father, who was very strict and a bit of a bully from what I’ve heard, tried to stop her from seeing him, so do you know what they did?’

I shook my head.

‘They ran away to Gretna Green and got married. They’d only known each other for three weeks. Now is that romantic enough for you?’

‘Oh gosh, that is romantic,’ I said with a heartfelt sigh. ‘Can you imagine? And did they have a long and happy marriage?’

‘They’ve just celebrated their diamond wedding anniversary. We had a big party for them the other week.’

‘That’s so lovely,’ I said, and for a moment I felt a pang of regret for my nan, who wasn’t around any more to enjoy those type of celebrations with Gramps. They’d missed out on their golden anniversary by about fourteen months, but Gramps and I had been adamant that we were still going to celebrate the occasion anyway by going to Nan’s favourite restaurant, eating her favourite food and toasting her memory. It had been a special but poignant day.