Summer Of Love

‘Reading about them or having them?’ Alex leant against the doorframe, looking too broad, too dark, too handsome for Cora’s girlish room.

‘Both.’ Lily tipped her head to one side and took the opportunity to really look at him, to catalogue the changes ten years had wrought in him. No longer a slender, pretty boy. He’d broadened out, become sturdier, rougher. Hotter. ‘It’s good to see you again, Alex.’

‘I wasn’t sure you’d recognized me.’ Hands in the pockets of his perfectly cut grey trousers, Alex cast a sheepish look at the carpet. ‘To be honest, I didn’t realize it was you until Cora told me. You’ve changed.’

‘Ten years will do that to a girl.’

‘Has it really been that long?’

Lily just nodded. No reason for him to remember, but she’d never forget. The last time she’d seen Alex, he’d been dropping her home after the Glastonbury debacle. His parting words – ‘Chin up. You wanted to go, you had fun. Own your decision and face the consequences.’ – had been the only thing to get her through the next two weeks of misery with her mother. And they’d stayed with her since. Somehow, some words of advice from a guy only four years older than her, a wise and worldly twenty at the time, had become a guiding principle in her life.

‘Cora tells me you’re moving home,’ she said instead, backing up against the whitewashed desk as Alex came into the room.

‘Well, back to Felinfach, at least. Mum and Dad’s old cottage is a bit ramshackle, but…’ He shrugged, a smile twisting at his mouth. ‘I always had an affection for the place.’

‘I heard about your dad,’ Lily said, remembering abruptly. ‘And your mum, last year. I’m sorry. I always liked them.’

‘I think Dad had a bit of a soft spot for you, too,’ Alex replied. ‘He always liked someone who did what was right for them and damn the consequences.’

Lily tried to smile. Was that how Alex remembered her? She wasn’t sure she could still remember that girl, these days.

‘So you’ve come to sort out all our money troubles?’ At least she’d remembered he was in finance. Faced with the reality of Alex Harper, facts were harder to hold onto. God, if she’d thought him crush-worthy at twenty, it couldn’t compare to him at thirty. Not that he’d ever thought of her at all. Or remembered her, apparently.

‘Actually…’Alex glanced away, then looked back, his eyes sharper. ‘I’ve got some new plans. A new direction, so to speak.’

Which sounded interesting. ‘Care to elaborate?’

He shook his head. ‘Not yet. Not until I’m sure where it’s going.’

She thought about pressing him for details, but from the way he darted aside, looking away, it was pretty clear he didn’t want to talk about it.

Alex sat on the bed, looking even more out of place against the pink ruffles, and patted the duvet beside him. ‘Come on, then. Catch me up. How’s the last decade been for you?’

‘I don’t know where to start.’ Lily left a good few inches between them when she sat. Somehow, she had a feeling being alone in a bedroom with Alex wasn’t a situation girls normally got out of with all their clothes intact.

‘How about telling me about your fiancé.’

‘Fiancé?’ Alex nodded at her left hand, and Lily blinked down at the ring she hadn’t designed. ‘Oh, that. Yeah. It’s… complicated.’

Alex raised an eyebrow. ‘Did he ask you to marry him?’

‘At the top of the Eiffel Tower on Valentine’s day.’ Lily sighed, remembering the way the other diners had stopped and stared when he got down on one knee, even as three other men were doing the same at other tables. They’d all had their pictures taken together afterward. It was, by far, the most conventionally romantic proposal ever conceived. Which was Edward all over. He knew the conventional, appropriate thing to do for every situation. And he did it, every time. Her mother thought that made him the perfect man. Lily had a horrible, growing suspicion that all it made him was predictable.

No, not predictable. Steady. Reliable. Dependable. All good things. She liked that Edward was the steady one. His steady job meant that she could pursue her dream career. Having Edward as a calm centre in her life made it easier for her to resist the flights of fancy and impulsive ideas she’d been so prone to as a teen. And when she was having a panic about the shop, or her mum, or life in general, Edward was the one to sit her down, stroke her back and remind her that everything was going to be okay. That she could cope.

Edward made her a grown up, and that was a good thing.

‘And did he give you this ring?’ Alex asked, interrupting her thoughts.

The ring, however, was still a sore spot.

‘Unfortunately.’ He frowned at her answer, and she felt compelled to explain, ‘I’m a jewellery designer.’

Alex winced. ‘Ah. He didn’t think you’d want to design your own?’

‘No.’ She really needed to stop sounding so bitter about that. She shook her head. ‘It’s okay. I understand. He wanted to have a ring to give me when I said yes, and wanted to choose it himself. It’s romantic.’

‘If you say so. Anyway, that aside, and this is the crucial bit: when he asked, and when he gave you this ring – did you say yes?’

No real way out of that one. ‘Yes. But…’

‘No buts. What, are you going to be one of those couples who get engaged but never get around to getting married?’

What would be so wrong with that? Why not just carry on the way things are, happy and content. Why does it have to be a big thing?

But then Lily thought about the way her mother was already planning the perfect day in her head, and the catalogues of invitation samples Edward had started leaving around the flat. It was a big thing to them. ‘Apparently not.’

‘Why would you want to be?’ Alex’s eyes were wide and disbelieving.

Oh, honestly. Talk about a double standard. ‘Don’t tell me you wouldn’t be sprinting the other way if someone told you that you had to get married this summer. The way Cora tells it, you’ve been running around with every single woman in the Greater London area for the last decade.’

‘Maybe I’m ready to settle down.’ The words were casual, but Alex’s eyes were serious.

‘Really? That’s why you moved home?’ Of course it was. Why else would he leave the bright lights and bonuses of the City? God, she was an idiot. Lily bit the inside of her lip. The way Cora talked about Alex’s life in London, it would be a pretty huge lifestyle change for him. She wondered if he’d make it stick. ‘Sorry, then. I’m just… I look at Cora, and how happy she is to be marrying Rhys, and I think… maybe I’m not cut out for marriage.’

‘Maybe you’re not marrying the right man.’

It wasn’t as if she hadn’t had the thought herself once or twice, in the dark of the night when the bad thoughts come, but hearing it in Alex’s calm, unconcerned voice made something sharp stick in Lily’s lungs. ‘That’s not it. He’s… Edward and I have been together since I was nineteen. He’s everything I ever wanted. I love him. And we’re happy. I just don’t see why that has to change.’

Alex threw up his hands in mock self-defence. ‘Sorry. What do I know? Back in town permanently less than a week, remember? I’m sure you know what you’re doing.’

But while his words sounded good, his eyes still said, Who are you trying to kid? ‘So, where is he today?’

‘He had to work.’ Jerking up off the bed, Lily headed for the door. ‘Sorry, I think I hear Cora calling me.’ Never mind that Cora was probably still having her ear bent by Evelyn; Alex didn’t know that. And Lily needed to be somewhere else, quite desperately. Somewhere where people wanted her to marry Edward. Not with someone who just made the restlessness rise up and try to break free. ‘Good to see you again, Alex.’

She didn’t look back as she shut the door behind her.

* * * *

Alex leant back on his elbows as he watched Lily’s blonde head disappear behind the door. Who was she trying to kid? No way she wanted to get married to this guy. So why was she going along with it? Sure, maybe she loved him like she said, but if she had cold feet about the engagement why didn’t she just say so? Just tell him what she needed.

What had happened to the Lily he remembered? The one who’d fight anything she didn’t like, tooth and nail? Maybe he’d never known her well when they were younger, but back then you only had to spend a few minutes in the same room with her to know that Lily never backed down from a fight, stood up for what she felt and demanded what she needed.

So, what had changed? The woman who’d sat beside him on the bed hadn’t seemed to feel anything at all except vague unease. Uncertainty. She’d seemed… lost, in her own life.

Well, even if Lily hadn’t talked to Edward about her concerns, Alex would bet she’d have spoken to Cora. Those two had talked about everything, endlessly, since they were little.

Jumping to his feet, Alex was halfway to the door, ready to go and demand some answers from his cousin, when another thought occurred. Why did he care? What did it matter to him if Lily got married or not?

It didn’t, of course.

It was just… He believed in marriage. He believed that it mattered, that it wasn’t something to be rushed into. Once he found the right person, he knew he’d be ready to commit for life.

His parents had, and they had gone on strong for almost forty years. And his brother, Gareth, he’d married the love of his life, given Alex two perfect nephews, and settled back to enjoy life.

It wasn’t that Alex was a romantic idiot or anything. He just thought marriage should be taken seriously.

Lily obviously felt differently if she planned to go ahead with marrying some idiot who didn’t even let her design her own ring. Not that it was his problem, or any of his business. But for the sake of the sanctity of marriage…

Maybe Alex should do what he could to help her see that settling for a life that wasn’t her dream was a really stupid idea. Just like his dad had helped him.

Decision made, Alex made his way to re-join the party. But when he reached the door, he found Rhys standing outside, looking confused.

‘Was that Lily?’ he asked, looking back towards the stairs where, presumably, Lily had escaped.

‘Yeah, we were catching up,’ Alex said.

Rhys raised his eyebrows. ‘Well, that explains why Cora was looking for her. Word to the wise, mate. She’s very, very taken.’

‘I know,’ Alex said, a little stung at the implication. He might have a bit of a history, but he was very strict about only getting involved with single women. ‘Like I say, we were just catching up. Been a long ten years.’

‘Yeah.’ Rhys studied him with a steady gaze. ‘Look, it’s none of my business anyway. But you know what your cousin’s like. She gets these ideas, however ridiculous, and then she decides to meddle. For my sake, save me from the meddling? It’s crazy enough here with all the wedding stuff. I swear, Cora hasn’t had a single thought that doesn’t have to do with the wedding in months. She’s probably only worried about you and Lily in case it upsets her table plan.’

Alex grinned. ‘Sure thing.’ After all, what did it matter to him who Lily Thomas married anyway?

Chapter Two

Lily fished the teabag out of her mug, regretting the three glasses of champagne she’d had after her conversation with Alex the day before. Drinking in the afternoon – especially anything with bubbles – was always a sure-fire way to a banging headache. She’d gone to bed early, before Edward even made it home from whatever work had called him into the office on a Sunday afternoon, then woken up in the early hours and stared at the ceiling until the alarm went off, unable to stop the thoughts swirling around her brain.

So now she was exhausted, fed up, and they were out of milk. Black tea was no way to start a difficult day.

Edward appeared in the doorway, his short blond hair still damp from his shower, his tie not yet straightened. That was her job, of course. Lily narrowed her eyes and wondered what would happen if she sent him to work with a crooked tie.

God, they didn’t need to get married at all. She was already his little housewife.

‘Is there any milk?’ Edward asked, kettle in hand.

‘Afraid not,’ Lily said, and braced herself for an accusing look that never came. God, what was she doing? Looking for problems where they didn’t have them. Anything she could point to and say “and that’s why I don’t think we should get married just yet”. Anything to justify her own fear of saying “I do.”

‘I’ll have coffee, then.’ Putting his tea mug back on the tree, he selected a coffee one instead, and Lily wondered how it had never driven her insane before that he had to have a different style of mug for each type of drink.

This was ridiculous. It had to be pre-wedding jitters or something. Seven years with the man, and she’d never been as irritated with him as she was now, and for absolutely no good reason. She loved him. They were good together. Why was she looking for excuses not to take this final step?

This was probably all Alex Harper’s fault. She couldn’t explain quite how, but when she figured it out, she’d sure as hell be sharing it with him.

She needed to get out of the house. Needed to be in her studio, in her shop, in her own space. Needed some time alone to remember how she got here, to be rational about what she wanted in life. Love. Security. That sort of thing.

‘I’m gonna, you know, shower,’ she said, shuffling towards the kitchen door. Soothing water to wake herself up and start the day over. Preferably with a decent cup of tea. Assuming the milk in the shop fridge was still in date. Perhaps she should swing by the corner shop just in case…

‘Hang on,’ Edward said, and irritation crashed over Lily once more as she saw the slow smile she usually loved on his lips. ‘I’ve got something I wanted to show you.’

Lily leant against the counter as Edward pulled a piece of creamy card out of an envelope. ‘Tell me that’s not another wedding invitation,’ she said, groaning. ‘We’ve already got five to attend this summer!’

‘Ah, but this is the most important one.’ He handed it over with a flourish, and Lily reluctantly took it. And stared at it, her hands trembling.

‘But this is…’

‘Ours.’ Edward’s grin took over most of his face. Lily couldn’t tell if it was just her irritation making it look smug. She decided not. ‘Obviously it’s just a mock up – we still need confirm possible dates at the church and the golf club, and I know you haven’t decided what colours you want for the flowers and bridesmaids and such – ’

‘Wait. Wait a minute. I haven’t…’ Lily tried to pull her thoughts together, when it felt like her head might explode. Of course this was what happened next. Her mum was right, they’d already waited three months. ‘Just… The golf club?’

Edward blinked at her. ‘Ye-es, the golf club. Like you agreed the other night?’ God, was she so lost in her own commitment crisis that she’d actually started blocking out all wedding conversations? She did remember nodding along to something while watching the telly earlier in the week, though. Apparently that had been her wedding planning contribution. ‘Although I suppose if you wanted to look at a couple of the inns and hotels in the area, it wouldn’t hurt,’ Edward went on, and Lily felt guilt blossom in her chest.

‘Maybe we should. I mean, we want to be certain, right?’ About more than just the venue. ‘In fact…’ Lily drew in a deep breath and tried to find that core of rationality and practicality she’d been nurturing for the last decade. ‘We haven’t actually talked about setting a date, yet. Have we?’

The muscles in Edward’s face tightened, the way they always did when he was trying to pretend he wasn’t annoyed. ‘You might not have. But we’ve been engaged for three months now, Lily, and I’ve been trying to talk to you about this for two of them. I thought you wanted me to get involved in the planning. I know I’ve been busy at work, but I am trying –’

‘That’s not it,’ Lily said, willing him to just understand, even if none of it made any sense to her either. How could she explain that every time she thought about donning a big white dress and walking down the aisle, her stomach clenched? Just imagining the lists of cakes and favours and dresses and seating plans gave her a headache. Lily glanced down at the still unfamiliar ring on her left hand. Another thing making her feel tense and unhappy.

Surely this wasn’t how engagement should be?

‘Look, Edward.’ Lily scrabbled around for some words that weren’t “this is a bad idea.” ‘I just don’t see why we need to rush.’

Edward’s pale eyebrows arched. ‘Rush? Love, we’ve been together seven years. We’ve been positively leisurely about this.’ Reaching out, he took her hands between his and put on his concerned face. She’d seen it before, once or twice, when her grandmother died and while she’d waited to hear about a small business loan from the last bank in town that hadn’t turned her down already.

If he had pulled it out now, things must be bad.

‘Still, most couples these days are engaged for a year or so before they get married, right?’ Maybe a year would be enough for her to get her head around the idea of being Edward’s wife.

Wife. God, she’d never wanted to be anyone’s wife. Never wanted to belong to someone in that way, be just a possession, something to trot out on show at parties. To lock herself into something so permanent, close off her escape options, just in case. Never wanted to give up that much of herself.

But hadn’t she already? When she decided that security mattered more than being herself. When she decided to stop being the person everyone gossiped about. When she said yes to a proposal that felt like it was happening to somebody else, with a ring that didn’t feel like hers?

Edward sighed. ‘Even if you want to wait until next spring for the wedding, we need to start looking at venues now. All the good ones get booked up fast. It’s only because I’ve got an in at the golf club we can even look at this summer.’

Why were they talking about dates and invitations and venues when all Lily could think was what a mistake it all was? ‘Why do we have to get married at all? Aren’t we happy as we are? I don’t understand why we can’t just carry on being happy. Just being us.’

The concerned face was back. ‘Look, Lily, I love you. I want to marry you. And we’re not getting any younger. If we want a family… we’re at that age now where getting married is the thing to do. It’s time.’

It’s time. It sounded like a bell tolling in her head, telling her it was time to stop being Lily, stop being herself. To make a final choice and an unchangeable commitment to what her future would be. Time to settle down and be someone’s wife. Someone’s mother. And yet, all she could think to say was, ‘I don’t want to get married just because everyone else is.’

Edward rolled his eyes as he patted her hand, a fond smile creeping back onto his face. ‘Of course not. God forbid you do something at the accepted time or in the traditional way.’ She knew he meant it as a joke, a throwaway mention of her wilder days. But all Lily could think was that she was still that stubborn child to him, the one determined to do what she wanted, regardless.

Seven years of conformity, of being what he wanted, what everyone wanted, hadn’t changed the way people saw her at all. ‘I have to go to work,’ Edward said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. We’ll talk more about dates and venues later. You’ll feel better about this once we’ve got all the details hammered out.’

But she wouldn’t. If anything, just thinking about their upcoming conversation made her feel a thousand times worse.

* * * *

‘You know, having you actually living in the next village makes this much more convenient.’ Nate Green, co-owner of the Avalon Inn, pushed the inn’s account books across the reception desk.

‘Thought it might be handy,’ Alex agreed, taking the books and tucking them under his arm. ‘Besides, I was starting to miss the old place.’

Nate ducked out from behind the desk. ‘That’s right. You grew up here, yeah?’

Alex nodded. ‘From the age of eleven until I left for university, and quite a few summer holidays before that. Have to say, it doesn’t seem to have changed much.’ Except for Lily Thomas getting tied down and boring, and the huge hole he felt every morning when he came down to the breakfast table in the cottage to find himself the only one there.

‘Been checking out old haunts, have we?’ Nate moved to the front entrance, heaving the heavy oak door open for Alex to step out into the sunshine.

‘Not had much of a chance, yet,’ Alex admitted. Taking care of his dad had kept him pretty busy, then the move itself. But now he had the time… ‘I thought I might take a walk up to the old Mill this afternoon, see if the place has collapsed in on itself yet.’

‘The Felinfach Mill?’ Nate asked, then shook his head at Alex’s nod. ‘Think you might find that place has changed a bit, even if nowhere else has.’

Alex shrugged. ‘Well, it’s a nice day for a walk, anyway. Tell your fiancée I’ll get these back to her by Thursday, yeah?’

Nate nodded, and Alex raised a hand to wave goodbye before he stashed the books in the backseat of his car and climbed into the driver’s seat.

Was everyone getting married this summer? First Cora and Rhys, Lily and her idiot fiancé, and even Nate and Carrie in a few weeks. That one had been inevitable, in Alex’s opinion, ever since Carrie inherited the Inn last winter. Nate and Carrie were a perfect match. They were what Alex was looking for, why he’d moved home to settle down.

Now he just had to find it.

The journey back into Felinfach took him downhill, through trees and past the stream that eventually led to the Mill. He could drive, Alex supposed, but he’d never really spent any time at the Mill since he’d passed his test. To him, the Mill would always be long, hot summer walks out of village, towards freedom. So he parked up in the car park by the tiny Felinfach library, locked the accounts books inside, and set off on foot.

Felinfach had always seemed such a small, confining village during Alex’s teenage years. Now, walking down the high street, taking in the small array of businesses and shops, houses and community features, he realized he’d never taken the time to learn anything about it, beyond the parts he’d felt were oppressing him. School, home, avoiding the neighbours who might report back on his mildly scandalous activities. That had made up his world.

Well, that and the Mill.

When they were kids, the Mill, with its rotting beams and mossy walls, was the only place to be on a summer afternoon. And as teenagers, it was perfect for hiding out with a bottle of cheap cider and a few mates, or to take a girl for a little privacy.

At seventeen, he’d ruled that shambles of a building. At thirty, he was morbidly keen to see what was left of it after he’d grown up and moved away. Did Nate’s cryptic comments mean it had finished falling apart, finally?

Cresting the hill out of the town, the Mill rose up ahead, whiter than Alex remembered. He frowned, but kept walking. Maybe he should have asked Nate exactly what had happened to it. What if some rich couple had bought it and renovated it? More to the point, why hadn’t he thought of doing that? Well, apart from the fact that the place had to be a money pit. It had been on the verge of collapsing in on itself for years. Why else would they all have been so keen to hang out there as kids? The danger was half the fun.

About halfway between the town and the Mill, Alex saw the first sign. ‘Felinfach Arts and Heritage Community.’ So, not a Grand Designs project, then. A business, instead. And one that suddenly held a great personal interest for him.

Increasing his pace, Alex found himself at the entrance to the Mill in no time. The rusty chain-link gates that had never kept them out were gone, replaced by something tasteful in wrought iron, presumably commissioned from one of the Arts and Heritage Community themselves. Another sign, this one decorated in flowing blues and greens, stated the intentions and motives behind what seemed to be a co-operative of artists. And a piece of paper stuck to it declared one empty unit, waiting for the right creative person to fill it.