The Adventures of Harry Richmond. Complete

‘Flirted with one of their princesses?’ He winked.

‘On that subject I will talk to you some other time,’ said I.

‘Got to pay an indemnity? or what?’ He professed alarm, and pushed for explanations, with the air of a man of business ready to help me if need were. ‘Make a clean breast of it, Harry. You ‘re not the son of Tom Fool the Bastard for nothing, I’ll swear. All the same you’re Beltham; you’re my grandson and heir, and I’ll stand by you. Out with ‘t! She’s a princess, is she?’

The necessity for correcting his impressions taught me to think the moment favourable. I said, ‘I am engaged to her, sir.’

He returned promptly: ‘Then you’ll break it off.’

I shook my head.

‘Why, you can’t jilt my girl at home!’ said he.

‘Do you find a princess objectionable, sir?’

‘Objectionable? She’s a foreigner. I don’t know her. I never saw her. Here’s my Janet I’ve brought up for you, under my own eyes, out of the way of every damned soft-sawderer, safe and plump as a melon under a glass, and you fight shy of her, and go and engage yourself to a foreigner I don’t know and never saw! By George, Harry, I’ll call in a parson to settle you soon as ever we sight Riversley. I’ll couple you, by George, I will! ‘fore either of you know whether you’re on your legs or your backs.’

We were in the streets of London, so he was obliged to moderate his vehemence.

‘Have you consulted Janet?’ said I.

‘Consulted her? ever since she was a chick with half a feather on.’

‘A chick with half a feather on,’ I remarked, ‘is not always of the same mind as a piece of poultry of full plumage.’

‘Hang your sneering and your talk of a fine girl, like my Janet, as a piece of poultry, you young rooster! You toss your head up like a cock too conceited to crow. I ‘ll swear the girl ‘s in love with you. She does you the honour to be fond of you. She ‘s one in a million. A handsome girl, straight-backed, honest, just a dash, and not too much, of our blood in her.’

‘Consult her again, sir,’ I broke in. ‘You will discover she is not of your way of thinking.’

‘Do you mean to say she’s given you a left-hander, Harry?’

‘I have only to say that I have not given her the option.’

He groaned going up the steps of his hotel, faced me once or twice, and almost gained my sympathy by observing, ‘When we’re boys, the old ones worry us; when we’re old ones, the boys begin to tug!’ He rarely spoke so humanely,—rarely, at least, to me.

For a wonder, he let the matter drop: possibly because he found me temperate. I tried the system on him with good effect during our stay in London; that is, I took upon myself to be always cool, always courteous, deliberate in my replies, and not uncordial, though I was for representing the reserved young man. I obtained some praise for my style and bearing among his acquaintances. To one lady passing an encomium on me, he said, ‘Oh, some foreign princess has been training him,’ which seemed to me of good augury.

My friends Temple and Heriot were among the Riversley guests at Christmas. We rode over to John Thresher’s, of whom we heard that the pretty Mabel Sweetwinter had disappeared, and understood that suspicion had fallen upon one of us gentlemen. Bob, her brother, had gone the way of the bravest English fellows of his class-to America. We called on the miller, a soured old man. Bob’s evasion affected him more than Mabel’s, Martha Thresher said, in derision of our sex. I was pained to hear from her that Bob supposed me the misleader of his sister; and that he had, as she believed, left England, to avoid the misery of ever meeting me again, because he liked me so much. She had been seen walking down the lanes with some one resembling me in figure. Heriot took the miller’s view, counting the loss of one stout young Englishman to his country of far greater importance than the escapades of dozens of girls, for which simple creatures he had no compassion: he held the expression of it a sham. He had grown coxcombical. Without talking of his conquests, he talked largely of the ladies who were possibly in the situation of victims to his grace of person, though he did not do so with any unctuous boasting. On the contrary, there was a rather taking undertone of regret that his enfeebled over-fat country would give her military son no worthier occupation. He laughed at the mention of Julia Bulsted’s name. ‘She proves, Richie, marriage is the best of all receipts for women, just as it’s the worst for men. Poor Billy Bulsted, for instance, a first-rate seaman, and his heart’s only half in his profession since he and Julia swore their oath; and no wonder,—he made something his own that won’t go under lock and key. No military or naval man ought ever to marry.’

‘Stop,’ said Temple, ‘is the poor old country—How about continuing the race of heroes?’

Heriot commended him to rectories, vicarages, and curates’ lodgings for breeding grounds, and coming round to Julia related one of the racy dialogues of her married life. ‘The saltwater widow’s delicious. Billy rushes home from his ship in a hurry. What’s this Greg writes me?—That he ‘s got a friend of his to drink with him, d’ ye mean, William?—A friend of yours, ma’am.—And will you say a friend of mine is not a friend of yours, William?—Julia, you’re driving me mad!—And is that far from crazy, where you said I drove you at first sight of me, William? Back to his ship goes Billy with a song of love and constancy.’

I said nothing of my chagrin at the behaviour of the pair who had furnished my first idea of the romantic beauty of love.

‘Why does she talk twice as Irish as she used to, Heriot?’

‘Just to coax the world to let her be as nonsensical as she likes. She’s awfully dull; she has only her nonsense to amuse her. I repeat: soldiers and sailors oughtn’t to marry. I’m her best friend. I am, on my honour: for I ‘m going to make Billy give up the service, since he can’t give her up. There she is!’ he cried out, and waved his hat to a lady on horseback some way down the slope of a road leading to the view of our heathland:

‘There’s the only girl living fit to marry a man and swear she ‘ll stick to him through life and death.’

He started at a gallop. Temple would have gone too at any possible speed, for he knew as well as I did that Janet was the girl alone capable of winning a respectful word from Heriot; but I detained him to talk of Ottilia and my dismal prospect of persuading the squire to consent to my proposal for her, and to dower her in a manner worthy a princess. He doled out his yes and no to me vacantly. Janet and Heriot came at a walking pace to meet us, he questioning her, she replying, but a little differently from her usual habit of turning her full face to the speaker. He was evidently startled, and, to judge from his posture, repeated his question, as one would say, ‘You did this?’ She nodded, and then uttered some rapid words, glanced at him, laughed shyly, and sank her features into repose as we drew near. She had a deep blush on her face. I thought it might be, that Janet and her loud champion had come to particular terms, a supposition that touched me with regrets for Temple’s sake. But Heriot was not looking pleased. It happened that whatever Janet uttered struck a chord of opposition in me. She liked the Winter and the Winter sunsets, had hopes of a frost for skating, liked our climate, thought our way of keeping Christmas venerable, rejoiced in dispensing the squire’s bounties—called them bounties, joined Heriot in abusing foreign countries to the exaltation of her own: all this with ‘Well, Harry, I’m sorry you don’t think as we do. And we do, don’t we?’ she addressed him.

‘I reserve a point,’ he said, and not playfully.

She appeared distressed, and courted a change of expression in his features, and I have to confess that never having seen her gaze upon any one save myself in that fashion, which was with her very winning, especially where some of her contralto tones of remonstrance or entreaty aided it, I felt as a man does at a neighbour’s shadow cast over his rights of property.

Heriot dropped to the rear: I was glad to leave her with Temple, and glad to see them canter ahead together on the sand of tie heaths.

‘She has done it,’ Heriot burst out abruptly. ‘She has done it!’ he said again. ‘Upon my soul, I never wished in my life before that I was a marrying man: I might have a chance of ending worth something. She has won the squire round with a thundering fib, and you’re to have the German if you can get her. Don’t be in a hurry. The squire ‘ll speak to you to-night: but think over it. Will you? Think what a girl this is. I believe on my honour no man ever had such an offer of a true woman. Come, don’t think it’s Heriot speaking—I’ve always liked her, of course. But I have always respected her, and that’s not of course. Depend upon it, a woman who can be a friend of men is the right sort of woman to make a match with. Do you suppose she couldn’t have a dozen fellows round her at the lift of her finger? the pick of the land! I’d trust her with an army. I tell you, Janet Ilchester ‘s the only girl alive who’ll double the man she marries. I don’t know another who wouldn’t make the name of wife laugh the poor devil out of house and company. She’s firm as a rock; and sweet as a flower on it! Will that touch you? Bah! Richie, let’s talk like men. I feel for her because she’s fond of you, and I know what it is when a girl like that sets her heart on a fellow. There,’ he concluded, ‘I ‘d ask you to go down on your knees and pray before you decide against her!’

Heriot succeeded in raising a certain dull indistinct image in my mind of a well-meaning girl, to whom I was bound to feel thankful, and felt so. I thanked Heriot, too, for his friendly intentions. He had never seen the Princess Ottilia. And at night I thanked my grandfather. He bore himself, on the whole, like the good and kindly old gentleman Janet loved to consider him. He would not stand in my light, he said, recurring to that sheet-anchor of a tolerant sentence whenever his forehead began to gather clouds. He regretted that Janet was no better than her sex in her preference for rakes, and wished me to the deuce for bringing Heriot into the house, and not knowing when I was lucky. ‘German grandchildren, eh!’ he muttered. No Beltham had ever married a foreigner. What was the time fixed between us for the marriage? He wanted to see his line safe before he died. ‘How do I know this foreign woman’ll bear?’ he asked, expecting an answer. His hand was on the back of a chair, grasping and rocking it; his eyes bent stormily on the carpet; they were set blinking rapidly after a glance at me. Altogether his self-command was creditable to Janet’s tuition.

Janet met me next day, saying with some insolence (so it struck me from her liveliness): ‘Well, it’s all right, Harry? Now you’ll be happy, I hope. I did not shine in my reply. Her amiable part appeared to be to let me see how brilliant and gracious the commonplace could be made to look. She kept Heriot at the Grange, against the squire’s remonstrance and her mother’s. ‘It ‘s to keep him out of harm’s way: the women he knows are not of the best kind for him,’ she said, with astounding fatuity. He submitted, and seemed to like it. She must be teaching Temple to skate figures in the frost, with a great display of good-humoured patience, and her voice at musical pitches. But her principal affectation was to talk on matters of business with Mr. Burgin and Mr. Trewint, the squire’s lawyer and bailiff, on mines and interest, on money and economical questions; not shrinking from politics either, until the squire cries out to the males assisting in the performance, ‘Gad, she ‘s a head as good as our half-dozen put together,’ and they servilely joined their fragmentary capitals in agreement. She went so far as to retain Peterborough to teach her Latin. He was idling in the expectation of a living in the squire’s gift.

The annoyance for me was that I could not detach myself from a contemplation of these various scenes, by reverting to my life in Germany. The preposterous closing of my interview with Ottilia blocked the way, and I was unable to write to her—unable to address her even in imagination, without pangs of shame at the review of the petty conspiracy I had sanctioned to entrap her to plight her hand to me, and without perpetually multiplying excuses for my conduct. So to escape them I was reduced to study Janet, forming one of her satellites. She could say to me impudently, with all the air of a friendly comrade, ‘Had your letter from Germany yet, Harry?’ She flew—she was always on the chase. I saw her permit Heriot to kiss her hand, and then the squire appeared, and Heriot and she burst into laughter, and the squire, with a puzzled face, would have the game explained to him, but understood not a bit of it, only growled at me; upon which Janet became serious and chid him. I was told by my aunt Dorothy to admire this behaviour of hers. One day she certainly did me a service: a paragraph in one of the newspapers spoke of my father, not flatteringly: ‘Richmond is in the field again,’ it commenced. The squire was waiting for her to hand the paper to him. None of us could comprehend why she played him off and denied him his right to the first perusal of the news; she was voluble, almost witty, full of sprightly Roxalana petulance.

‘This paper,’ she said, ‘deserves to be burnt,’ and she was allowed to burn it—money article, mining column as well—on the pretext of an infamous anti-Tory leader, of which she herself composed the first sentence to shock the squire completely. I had sight of that paper some time afterwards. Richmond was in the field again, it stated, with mock flourishes. But that was not the worst. My grandfather’s name was down there, and mine, and Princess Ottilia’s. My father’s connection with the court of Eppenwelzen-Sarkeld was alluded to as the latest, and next to his winning the heiress of Riversley, the most successful of his ventures, inasmuch as his son, if rumour was to be trusted, had obtained the promise of the hand of the princess. The paragraph was an excerpt from a gossiping weekly journal, perhaps less malevolent than I thought it. There was some fun to be got out of a man who, the journal in question was informed, had joined the arms of England and a petty German principality stamped on his plate and furniture.

My gratitude to Janet was fervent enough when I saw what she had saved me from. I pressed her hand and held it. I talked stupidly, but I made my cruel position intelligible to her, and she had the delicacy, on this occasion, to keep her sentiments regarding my father unuttered. We sat hardly less than an hour side by side—I know not how long hand in hand. The end was an extraordinary trembling in the limb abandoned to me. It seized her frame. I would have detained her, but it was plain she suffered both in her heart and her pride. Her voice was under fair command-more than mine was. She counselled me to go to London, at once. ‘I would be off to London if I were you, Harry,’—for the purpose of checking my father’s extravagances,—would have been the further wording, which she spared me; and I thanked her, wishing, at the same time, that she would get the habit of using choicer phrases whenever there might, by chance, be a stress of emotion between us. Her trembling, and her ‘I’d be off,’ came into unpleasant collision in the recollection.

I acknowledge to myself that she was a true and hearty friend. She listened with interest to my discourse on the necessity of my being in Parliament before I could venture to propose formally for the hand of the princess, and undertook to bear the burden of all consequent negotiations with my grandfather. If she would but have allowed me to speak of Temple, instead of saying, ‘Don’t, Harry, I like him so much!’ at the very mention of his name, I should have sincerely felt my indebtedness to her, and some admiration of her fine spirit and figure besides. I could not even agree with my aunt Dorothy that Janet was handsome. When I had to grant her a pardon I appreciated her better.

CHAPTER XXXVIII. MY BANKERS’ BOOK

The squire again did honour to Janet’s eulogy and good management of him.

‘And where,’ said she, ‘would you find a Radical to behave so generously, Harry, when it touches him so?’

He accorded me his permission to select my side in politics, merely insisting that I was never to change it, and this he requested me to swear to, for (he called the ghost of old Sewis to witness) he abhorred a turncoat.

‘If you’re to be a Whig, or a sneaking half-and-half, I can’t help you much,’ he remarked. ‘I can pop a young Tory in for my borough, maybe; but I can’t insult a number of independent Englishmen by asking them to vote for the opposite crew; that’s reasonable, eh? And I can’t promise you plumpers for the county neither. You can date your Address from Riversley. You’ll have your house in town. Tell me this princess of yours is ready with her hand, and,’ he threw in roughly, ‘is a respectable young woman, I’ll commence building. You’ll have a house fit for a prince in town and country, both.’

Temple had produced an effect on him by informing him that ‘this princess of mine’ was entitled to be considered a fit and proper person, in rank and blood, for an alliance with the proudest royal Houses of Europe, and my grandfather was not quite destitute of consolation in the prospect I presented to him. He was a curious study to me, of the Tory mind, in its attachment to solidity, fixity, certainty, its unmatched generosity within a limit, its devotion to the family, and its family eye for the country. An immediate introduction to Ottilia would have won him to enjoy the idea of his grandson’s marriage; but not having seen her, he could not realize her dignity, nor even the womanliness of a ‘foreign woman.’

‘Thank God for one thing,’ he said: ‘we shan’t have that fellow bothering—shan’t have the other half of your family messing the business. You’ll have to account for him to your wife as you best can. I ‘ve nothing to do with him, mind that. He came to my house, stole my daughter, crazed her wits, dragged us all…’

The excuse to turn away from the hearing of abuse of my father was too good to be neglected, though it was horribly humiliating that I should have to take advantage of it—vexatious that I should seem chargeable with tacit lying in allowing the squire to suppose the man he hated to be a stranger to the princess. Not feeling sure whether it might be common prudence to delude him even passively, I thought of asking Janet for her opinion, but refrained. A stout deceiver has his merits, but a feeble hypocrite applying to friends to fortify him in his shifts and tergiversations must provoke contempt. I desired that Janet might continue to think well of me. I was beginning to drop in my own esteem, which was the mirror of my conception of Ottilia’s view of her lover.

Now, had I consulted Janet, I believe the course of my history would have been different, for she would not then, I may imagine, have been guilty of her fatal slip of the tongue that threw us into heavy seas when we thought ourselves floating on canal waters. A canal barge (an image to me of the most perfect attainable peace), suddenly, on its passage through our long fir-woods, with their scented reeds and flowing rushes, wild balsam and silky cotton-grass beds, sluiced out to sea and storm, would be somewhat in my likeness soon after a single luckless observation had passed at our Riversley breakfast-table one Sunday morning.

My aunt Dorothy and Mr. Peterborough were conversing upon the varieties of Christian sects, and particularly such as approached nearest to Anglicanism, together with the strange, saddening fact that the Christian religion appeared to be more divided than, Peterborough regretted to say, the forms of idolatry established by the Buddha, Mahomet, and other impostors. He claimed the audacious merit for us, that we did not discard the reason of man we admitted man’s finite reason to our school of faith, and it was found refractory. Hence our many divisions.

‘The Roman Catholics admit reason?’ said Janet, who had too strong a turn for showing her keenness in little encounters with Peterborough.

‘No,’ said he; ‘the Protestants.’ And, anxious to elude her, he pressed on to enchain my aunt Dorothy’s attention. Janet plagued him meanwhile; and I helped her. We ran him and his schoolboy, the finite refractory, up and down, until Peterborough was glad to abandon him, and Janet said, ‘Did you preach to the Germans much?’ He had officiated in Prince Ernest’s private chapel: not, he added in his egregious modesty, not that he personally wished to officiate.

‘It was Harry’s wish?’ Janet said, smiling.

‘My post of tutor,’ Peterborough hastened to explain, ‘was almost entirely supernumerary. The circumstances being so, I the more readily acquiesced in the title of private chaplain, prepared to fulfil such duties as devolved upon me in that capacity, and acting thereon I proffered my occasional services. Lutheranism and Anglicanism are not, doubtless you are aware, divided on the broader bases. We are common Protestants. The Papacy, I can assure you, finds as little favour with one as with the other. Yes, I held forth, as you would say, from time to time. My assumption of the title of private chaplain, it was thought, improved the family dignity—that is, on our side.’

‘Thought by Harry?’ said Janet; and my aunt Dorothy said, ‘You and Harry had a consultation about it?’

‘Wanted to appear as grand as they could,’ quoth the squire.

Peterborough signified an assent, designed to modify the implication. ‘Not beyond due bounds, I trust, sir.’

‘Oh! now I understand,’ Janet broke out in the falsetto notes of a puzzle solved in the mind. ‘It was his father! Harry proclaiming his private chaplain!’

‘Mr. Harry’s father did first suggest—’ said Peterborough, but her quickly-altered features caused him to draw in his breath, as she had done after one short laugh.

My grandfather turned a round side-eye on me, hard as a cock’s.

Janet immediately started topics to fill Peterborough’s mouth: the weather, the walk to church, the probable preacher. ‘And, grandada,’ said she to the squire, who was muttering ominously with a grim under-jaw, ‘His private chaplain!’ and for this once would not hear her, ‘Grandada, I shall drive you over to see papa this afternoon.’ She talked as if nothing had gone wrong. Peterborough, criminal red, attacked a jam-pot for a diversion. ‘Such sweets are rare indeed on the Continent,’ he observed to my aunt Dorothy. ‘Our homemade dainties are matchless.’

‘Private chaplain!’ the squire growled again.

‘It’s you that preach this afternoon,’ Janet said to Peterborough. ‘Do you give us an extempore sermon?’

‘You remind me, Miss Ilchester, I must look to it; I have a little trimming to do.’

Peterborough thought he might escape, but the squire arrested him. ‘You’ll give me five minutes before you’re out of the house, please. D’ ye smoke on Sundays?’

‘Not on Sundays, sir,’ said Peterborough, openly and cordially, as to signify that they were of one mind regarding the perniciousness of Sunday smoking.

‘See you don’t set fire to my ricks with your foreign chaplain’s tricks. I spied you puffing behind one t’ other day. There,’ the squire dispersed Peterborough’s unnecessary air of abstruse recollection, ‘don’t look as though you were trying to hit on a pin’s head in a bushel of oats. Don’t set my ricks on fire—that ‘s all.’

‘Mr. Peterborough,’ my aunt Dorothy interposed her voice to soften this rough treatment of him with the offer of some hot-house flowers for his sitting-room.

‘Oh, I thank you!’ I heard the garlanded victim lowing as I left him to the squire’s mercy.

Janet followed me out. ‘It was my fault, Harry. You won’t blame him, I know. But will he fib? I don’t think he’s capable of it, and I’m sure he can’t run and double. Grandada will have him fast before a minute is over.’

I told her to lose no time in going and extracting the squire’s promise that Peterborough should have his living,—so much it seemed possible to save.

She flew back, and in Peterborough’s momentary absence, did her work. Nothing could save the unhappy gentleman from a distracting scene and much archaic English. The squire’s power of vituperation was notorious: he could be more than a match for roadside navvies and predatory tramps in cogency of epithet. Peterborough came to me drenched, and wailing that he had never heard such language,—never dreamed of it. And to find himself the object of it!—and, worse, to be unable to conscientiously defend himself! The pain to him was in the conscience,—which is, like the spleen, a function whose uses are only to be understood in its derangement. He had eased his conscience to every question right out, and he rejoiced to me at the immense relief it gave him. Conscientiously, he could not deny that he knew the squire’s objection to my being in my father’s society; and he had connived at it ‘for reasons, my dearest Harry, I can justify to God and man, but not—I had to confess as much—not, I grieve to say, to your grandfather. I attempted to do justice to the amiable qualities of the absent. In a moment I was assailed with epithets that… and not a word is to be got in when he is so violent. One has to make up one’s mind to act Andromeda, and let him be the sea-monster, as somebody has said; I forget the exact origin of the remark.’