Life and Death of Mr. Badman

Atten.  Well, but before we leave Mr. Badmans wife and children, I have a mind, if you please, to enquire a little more after one thing, the which I am sure you can satisfie me in.

Wise.  What is that?

Atten.  You said a while ago, that this Mr. Badman would not suffer his wife to go out to hear such godly Ministers as she liked, but said if she did, she had as good never come home any more.  Did he often carry it thus to her?

Wise.  He did say so, he did often say so.  This I told you then, and had also then told you more, but that other things put me out.

Atten.  Well said, pray therefore now go on.

Wise.  So I will.  Upon a time, she was on a Lords day for going to hear a Sermon, and Mr. Badman was unwilling 218 she should: but she at that time, as it seems, did put on more courage than she was wont; and therefore, after she had spent upon him, a great many fair words and entreaties, if perhaps she might have prevailed by them, but all to no purpose at all: At last she said she would go, and rendred this reason for it; I have an Husband, but also a God; my God has commanded me, and that upon pain of damnation, to be a continual Worshipper of him, and that in the way of his own Appointments: I have an Husband, but also a Soul, and my Soul ought to be more unto me, than all the world besides.  This soul of mine I will look after, care for, and (if I can) provide it an Heaven for its habitation.  You are commanded to love me, as you love your own body, and so do I love you; 219 but I tell you true, I preferr my Soul before all the world, and its Salvation I will seek.

At this, first, 220 he gave her an ugly wish, and then fell into a fearfull rage, and sware moreover that if she did go, he would make both her, and all her damnable Brotherhood (for so he was pleased to call them) to repent their coming thither.

Atten.  But what should he mean by that?

Wise.  You may easily guess what he meant: he meant, he would turn Informer, and so either weary out those that she loved, from meeting together to Worship God; or make them pay dearly for their so doing; the which if he did, he knew it would vex every vein of her tender heart.

Atten.  But do you think Mr. Badman would have been so base?

Wise.  Truly he had malice, and enmity enough in his heart to do it, onely he was a Tradesman; also he knew that he must live by his neighbours, and so he had that little wit in his anger, that he refrained himself, and did it not.  But, as I said, he had malice and envy enough in his heart 221 to have made him to do it, only he thought it would worst him in his trade: yet these three things he would be doing.

1.  He would be putting of others on to molest and abuse her friends.

2.  He would be glad when he heard that any mischief befell them.

3.  And would laugh at her, when he saw her troubled for them.  And now I have told you Mr. Badmans way as to this.

Atten.  But was he not afraid of the Judgments of God, that did fly about at that time?

Wise.  He regarded not the Judgment nor Mercy of God, for had he at all done that, he could not have done as he did.  But what Judgments do you mean?

Atten.  Such Judgments, that if Mr Badman himself had taken but sober notice of, they might have made him a hung down his ears.

Wise.  Why, have you heard of any such persons that the Judgments of God have overtaken.

Atten.  Yes, and so, I believe, have you too, though you make so strange about it.

Wise.  I have so indeed, to my astonishment and wonder.

Atten.  Pray, therefore, if you please, tell me what it is, as to this, that you know; and then, perhaps, I may also say something to you of the same.

Wise.  ☛ In 222 our Town there was one W. S. a man of a very wicked life; and he, when there seemed to be countenance given to it, would needs turn Informer.  Well, so he did, and was as diligent in his business as most of them could be; he would watch a nights, climb Trees, and range the Woods a days, if possible, to find out the Meeters, for then they were forced to meet in the Fields: yea, he would curse them bitterly, and swear most fearfully what he would do to them when he found them.  Well, after he had gone on like a Bedlam in his course a while, and had done some mischiefs to the people, he was stricken by the hand of God, and that in this manner.

1.  Although he had his tongue naturally at will, now he was taken with a faultering in his speech, and could not for weeks together speak otherwise, than just like a man that was drunk.

2.  Then he was taken with a drauling, or slabbering at his mouth, which slabber sometimes would hang at his mouth well nigh half way down to the ground.

3.  Then he had such a weakness in the back sinews of his Neck, that oft times he could not look up before him, unless he clapped his hand hard upon his forehead, and held up his head that way, by strength of hand.

4.  After this his speech went quite away, and he could speak no more than a Swine or a Bear.  Therefore, like one of them, he would gruntle and make an ugly noyse, according as he was offended, or pleased, or would have any thing done, &c.

In this posture he continued for the space of half a year, or thereabouts, all the while otherwise well, and could go about his business, save once that he had a fall from the Bell as it hangs in our Steeple, which ’twas a wonder it did not kill him: But after that he also walked about, till God had made him a sufficient spectacle of his Judgment for his sin, and then on a sudden he was stricken and dyed miserably: and so there was an end of him and his doings.

I will tell you of another.  ☛ About four miles from St. Neots, there was a Gentleman had a man, and he would needs be an Informer, and a lusty young man he was.  Well, an Informer he was, and did much distress some people, and had perfected his Informations so effectually against some, that there was nothing further to do, but for the Constables to make distress on the people, that he might have the Money or Goods; and as I heard, he hastened them much to do it.  Now while he was in the heat of his work, as he stood one day by the Fire-side, he had (it should seem) a mind to a Sop in the Pan, (for the Spit was then at the fire,) so he went to make him one; but behold, a Dog (so say his own Dog) took distaste at something, and bit his Master by the Leg; the which bite, notwithstanding all the means that was used to cure him, turned (as was said) to a Gangrene; however, that wound was his death, and that a dreadful one too: for my Relator said, that he lay in such a condition by this bite, (as the beginning) till his flesh rotted from off him before he went out of the world.  But what need I instance in particular persons, when the Judgement of God against this kind of people was made manifest, I think I may say, if not in all, yet in most of the Counties in England where such poor Creatures were.  But I would, if it had been the will of God, that neither I nor any body else, could tell you more of these Stories: True stories, that are neither Lye, nor Romance.

Atten.  Well, I also heard of both these my self, and of more too, as remarkable in their kind as these, if I had any list to tell them: but let us leave those that are behind to others, or to the coming of Christ, who then will justifie or condemn them as the merit of their work shall require; or if they repented, and found mercy, I shall be glad when I know it, for I wish not a curse to the Soul of mine Enemy.

Wise.  There can be no pleasure in the telling of such stories, though to hear of them may do us a pleasure: They may put us in mind that there is a God that judgeth in the earth, and that doth not alwayes forget nor deferre to hear the Crye of the destitute; They also carry along with them both Caution and Counsel to those that are the survivors of such.  Let us tremble at the Judgements of God, and be afraid of sinning against him, and it shall be our protection.  It shall go well with them that fear God, that fear before him.

Atten.  Well Sir, as you have intimated, so I think we have in this place spoken enough about these kind of men; if you please, let us return again to Mr. Badman himself, if you have any more to say of him.

Wise.  More! we have yet scarce throughly begun with Any thing that we have said.  All the particulars are in themselves so full of badness, that we have rather only looked in them, than indeed said any thing to them: but we will pass them, and proceed.  You have heard of the sins of his Youth, of his Apprentiship, and how he set up, and married, and what a life he hath led his wife; and now I will tell you some more 223 of his pranks.  He had the very knack of Knavery; had he, as I said before, been bound to serve an Apprentiship to all these things, he could not have been more cunning, he could not have been more artificial at it.

Atten.  Nor perhaps so artificially neither.  For as none can teach Goodness like to God himself, so concerning Sin and Knavery, none can teach a man it like the Devil, to whom, as I perceive, Mr. Badman went to School from his Childhood to the end of his life.  But pray Sir, make a beginning.

Wise.  Well so I will.  You may remember that I told you what a condition he was in for Money before he did marry, and how he got a rich Wife, with whose Money he paid his debts: Now when he had paid his debts, he having some Moneys left, he sets up again 224 as briskly as ever, keeps a great Shop, drives a great Trade, and runs again a great way into debt; but now not into the debt of one or two, but into the debt of many, so that at last he came to owe some thousands; and thus he went on a good while.  And to pursue his ends the better, he began now to study to please all men, and to suit himself to any company; he could now be as they, say as they, that is, if he listed; and then he would list, when he perceived that by so doing, he might either make them his Customers or Creditors for his Commodities.  If he dealt with honest men, (as with some honest men he did) then he would be as they; talk as they, seem to be sober as they, talk of Justice and Religion as they, and against Debauchery as they; yea, and would too seem to shew a dislike of them that said, did, or were otherwise than honest.

Again, when he did light among those that were bad, then he would be as they, but yet more close and cautiously, except he were sure of his company: Then he would carry it openly, be as they; say, Damn’em and Sink’em, as they.  If they railed on Good men, so could he; 225 if they railed on Religion, so could he: if they talked beastly, vainly, idlely, so would he; if they were for drinking, swearing, whoring, or any the like Villanies, so was he.  This was now the path he trod in, and could do all artificially, as any man alive.  And now he thought himself a perfect man, he thought he was always a Boy till now.  What think you now of Mr. Badman?

Atten.  Think! why, I think he was an Atheist: For no man but an Atheist can do this.  I say, it cannot be, but that the man that is such as this Mr. Badman, must be a rank and stinking Atheist; for he that believes that there is either God or Devil, Heaven or Hell, or Death, and Judgment after, cannot doe as Mr. Badman did; I mean, if he could do these things without reluctancy and check of Conscience; yea, if he had not sorrow and remorse for such abominable sins as these.

Wise.  Nay, he was so far off from reluctancies and remorse of Conscience for these things, that he counted them the excellency of his Attainments, the quintessence of his Wit, his rare and singular vertues, such as but few besides himself could be the Masters of.  Therefore, as for those that made boggle and stop at things, and that could not in Conscience, and for fear of Death and Judgement, do such things as he; he would call them Fools and Noddies, and charge them for being frighted with the talk of unseen Bugbears; and would encourage them, if they would be men indeed, to labour after the attainment of this his excellent art.  He would often-times please himself 226 with the thoughts of what he could do in this matter, saying within himself; I can be religious, and irreligious, I can be any thing, or nothing; I can swear, and speak against swearing; I can lye, and speak against lying; I can drink, wench, be unclean, and defraud, and not be troubled for it: Now I enjoy my self, and am Master of mine own wayes, and not they of me.  This I have attained with much study, great care, and more pains.  But this his talk should be only with himself, to his wife, who he knew durst not divulge it; or among his Intimates, to whom he knew he might say any thing.

Atten.  Did I call him before an Atheist?  I may call him now a Devil, or a man possessed with one, if not with many.  I think that there cannot be found in every corner such an one as this.  True, it is said of King Ahaz, that be sinned more and more; and of Ahab, that he sold himself to work wickedness; and of the men of Sodom, that they were sinners exceedingly before the Lord. 227

Wise.  An Atheist he was no doubt, if there be such a thing as an Atheist in the world, but for all his brags of perfection and security in his wickedness, I believe that at times God did let down fire from Heaven into his Conscience.  True, I believe he would quickly put it out again, and grow more desperate and wicked afterward, but this also turned to his destruction, as afterward you may hear. 228

But I am not of your mind, to think that there are but few such in the world; except you mean as to the Degree of wickedness unto which he had attained.  For otherwise, no doubt, 229 there is abundance of such as he: men of the same mind, of the same principles, and of the same conscience too, to put them into practice.  Yea, I believe that there are many that are endeavouring to attain to the same pitch of wickedness; and all them are such as he, in the Judgment of the Law; nor will their want of hellish wit to attain thereto, excuse them at the day of Judgment.  You know that in all Science, some are more arch than some; and so it is in the art, as well as in the practice of wickedness: some are two-fold, and some seven-fold more the children of Hell than others, (and yet all the children of Hell,) else they would all be Masters, and none scholars in the school of wickedness.  But there must be Masters, and there must be Learners; Mr. Badman was a master in this art, and therefore it follows that he must be an arch and chief one in that mystery.

Atten.  You are in the right, for I perceive that some men, though they desire it, cannot be so arch in the practice thereof as others, but are (as I suppose they call them) fools and dunces to the rest, their heads and capacities will not serve them to act and do so wickedly.  But Mr. Badman wanted not a wicked head to contrive, as well as a wicked heart to do his wickedness.

Wise.  True, but yet I say, such men shall at the day of Judgment, be judged, not only for what they are, but also for what they would be.  For if the thought of foolishness is sin, 230 doubtless the desire of foolishness is more sin: and if the desire be more, the endeavour after it must needs be more and more. 231  He then that is not an artificial Atheist and Transgressor, yet if he desires to be so, if he endeavoureth to be so, he shall be Judged and condemned to Hell for such an one.  For the Law Judgeth men, as I said, according to what they would be.  He that looketh upon a woman to lust after her, hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. 232  By the same rule, he that would steal, doth steal; he that would cheat, doth cheat; he that would swear, doth swear; and he that would commit adultery, doth do so.  For God Judgeth men according to the working of their minds, and saith; As he thinketh, so is he.  That is, so is he in his heart, in his intentions, in his desires, in his endeavours; and Gods Law, I say, lays hold of the desires, intentions and endeavours, even as it lays hold of the act of wickedness it self. 233  A man then that desires to be as bad as Mr. Badman, (and desires to be so wicked have many in their hearts) though he never attains to that proficiency in wickedness as he, shall yet be Judged for as bad a man as he, because ’twas in his desires to be such a wicked one.

Atten.  But this height of wickedness in Mr. Badman, will not yet out of my mind.  This hard, desperate, or what shall I call it, diabolicall frame of heart, was in him a foundation, a ground-work, to all acts and deeds that were evil.

Wise.  The heart, and the desperate wickedness of it, is the foundation and groundwork of all.  Atheism, professed and practicall, spring both out of the heart, yea and all manner of evils besides. 234  For they be not bad deeds that make a bad man, but he is already a bad man that doth bad deeds.  A man must be wicked before he can do wickedness. 235  Wickedness proceedeth from the wicked.  ’Tis an evil tree that bears evil fruit, men gather no grapes of thorns; the heart therefore must be evil, before the man can do evil, and good before the man doth good.

Atten.  Now I see the reason why Mr. Badman was so base, as to get a Wife by dissimulation, and to abuse her so like a Villain when he had got her, it was because he was before by a wicked heart prepared to act wickedness.

Wise.  You may be sure of it; for from within, out of the heart of man proccedeth evil thoughts, Adulteries, Fornications, Murders, Thefts, Coveteousness, Wickedness, Deceit, Lasciviousness, an evil Eye, Blasphemy, Pride, Foolishness.  All these things come from within, and defile a man. 236  And a man, as his naughty mind inclines him, makes use of these, or any of these, to gratifie his lust, to promote his designs, to revenge his malice, to enrich, or to wallow himself in the foolish pleasures and pastimes of this life: And all these did Mr. Badman do, even to the utmost, if either opportunity, or purse, or perfidiousness, would help him to the obtaining of his purpose.

Atten.  Purse!  Why he could not but have Purse to do almost what he would, having married a wife with so much money.

Wise.  Hold you there; some of Mr. Badmans sins were costly, as his drinking, and whoring, and keeping other bad company; though he was a man that had ways too many to get money, as well as ways too many to spend it.

Atten.  Had he then such a good Trade, for all he was such a bad man? or was his Calling so gainfull to him, as alwayes to keep his Purses belly full, though he was himself a great spender?

Wise.  No: It was not his Trade that did it, though he had a pretty trade too.  He had another way to get Money, and that by hatfulls and pocketfulls at a time.

Atten.  Why I trow he was no Highway man, was he?

Wise.  I will be sparing in my speech as to that, though some have muttered as if he could ride out now and then, about no body but himself knew what, over night, and come home all dirty and weary next morning.  But that is not the thing I aim at.

Atten.  Pray let me know it, if you think it convenient that I should.

Wise.  I will tell you: It was this, he had an art to Break, 237 and get hatfulls of money by breaking.

Atten.  But what do you mean by Mr. Badmans Breaking? you speak mystically, do you not?

Wise.  No, no, I speak plainly.  Or, if you will have it in plainer language, ’tis this: When Mr. Badman had swaggered and whored away most of his wifes portion, he began to feel that he could not much longer stand upon his legs in this course of life, and keep up his Trade and Repute (such as he had) in the world; but by the new Engine of Breaking.  Wherefore, upon a time, he gives a great, and sudden 238 rush into several mens debts, to the value of about four or five thousand pound, driving at the same time a very great trade, by selling many things for less than they cost him, to get him custom, therewith to blind his Creditors eyes.  His Creditors therefore feeling that he had a great employ, and dreaming that it must needs at length turn to a very good account to them, trusted him freely without mistrust, and so did others too, to the value of what was mentioned before.  Well, when Mr. Badman had well feathered his Nest with other mens goods and money, after a little time 239 he breaks.  And by and by it is noysed abroad that Mr. Badman had shut up Shop, was gone, and could trade no longer.  Now, by that time his breaking was come to his Creditors ears, he had by Craft and Knavery made so sure of what he had, that his Creditors could not touch a penny.  Well, when he had done, he sends his mournfull sugered letters to his Creditors, to let them understand what had happened unto him, and desired them not to be severe with him; 240 for he bore towards all men an honest mind, and would pay so far as he was able.  Now he sends his letters by a man 241 confederate with him, who could make both the worst, and best of Mr. Badmans case: The best for Mr. Badman, and the worst for his Creditors.  So when he comes to them, he both bemoans them, and condoles Mr. Badmans condition: Telling of them, that without a speedy bringing of things to a conclusion, Mr. Badman would be able to make them no satisfaction, but at present he both could, and would, and that to the utmost of his power: and to that end, he desired that they would come over to him.  Well, his Creditors appoint him a time, and come over; and he, mean while, authorizes another to treat with them, but will not be seen himself, unless it was on a Sunday, lest they should snap him with a Writ.  So his deputed friend treats with them about their concern with Mr. Badman, first telling them of the great care that Mr. Badman took to satisfie them and all men for whatsoever he ought, as far as in him lay, and, how little he thought a while since to be in this low condition.  He pleaded also the greatness of his Charge, the greatness of Taxes, the Badness of the times, and the great Losses that he had by many of his customers, some of which died in his debt, others were run away, and for many that were alive, he never expected a farthi[n]g from them.  Yet nevertheless he would shew himself an honest man, and would pay as far as he was able; and if they were willing to come to terms, he would make a composition with them, (for he was not able to pay them all.)  The Creditors asked what he would give? 242  ’Twas replyed, Half a crown in the pound.  At this they began to huff, and he to renew his complaint and entreaty; but the Creditors would not hear, and so for that time their meeting without success broke up.  But after his Creditors were in cool blood, and admitting of second thoughts, and fearing lest delays should make them lose all, they admit of a second debate, come together again, and by many words, and great ado, they obtained five shillings i’th’ pound. 243  So the money was produced, Releases and Discharges drawn, signed, and sealed, Books crossed, and all things confirmed; and then Mr. Badman can put his head out of dores again, and be a better man than when he shut up Shop, by several thousands of pounds.

Atten.  And did he do thus indeed?

Wise, Yes, once, and again.  I think he brake twice or thrice.

Atten.  And did he do it before he had need to do it?

Wise.  Need!  What do you mean by need? there is no need at any time for a man to play the knave. 244  He did it of a wicked mind, to defraud and beguile his Creditors: he had wherewithall of his Father, and also by his Wife, to have lived upon, with lawfull labour, like an honest man.  He had also when he made this wicked Break (though he had been a profuse and prodigal spender) to have paid his creditors their own to a farthing.  But had he done so, he had not done like himself, like Mr. Badman; had he, I say, dealt like an honest man, he had then gone out of Mr. Badmans road.  He did it therefore of a dishonest mind, and to a wicked end; to wit, that he might have wherewithall, howsoever unlawfully gotten, to follow his Cups and Queans, and to live in the full swinge of his lusts, even as he did before.

Atten.  Why this was a meer Cheat.

Wise.  It was a cheat indeed.  This way of breaking, it is else but a more neat way of Thieving, of picking of pockets, of breaking open of shops, and of taking from men what one has nothing to do with.  But though it seem easie, it is hard to learn, no man that has conscience to God or man, can ever be his Crafts Master in this Hellish art.

Atten.  Oh! Sirs! what a wicked man was this?

Wise.  A wicked man indeed.  By this art he could tell how to make men send their goods to his shop, and then be glad to take a penny for that for which he had promised before it came thither, to give them a Groat: I say, he could make them glad to take a Crown for a pounds worth, and a thousand for that for which he had promised before to give them four thousand pounds.