Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine — Volume 56, No. 346, August, 1844

"'Not a bit of it, not a bit of it!' screamed the broad-bonnets. 'We must all eat, and all dance!'

"'Just like all the world!' muttered Klaus to himself. 'If you invite one of the townsfolk to a church ale he'll take three cakes for one, and stuff himself till the steps groan as he goes down again. I say, gentlemen,' he continued, turning to the Dwarfs, 'are you aware that I am your king's godson, and on the most intimate terms with him?'

"'And that thy father made him fiddle himself to death?' answered the little one resentfully; 'and that thou hast grown a good-for-nought, ready to bung up our whole gracious kingdom in a mouse-hole, had'st thou thy will? Eh, Master Nicholas?"

'Ah, don't be too hard now! Recollect what your king did to my father, and all that I have suffered for the last six months. Look at me! Hasn't Gossip Crookleg stripped me of money, field, and house?'

Again the dwarfs laughed.

'Ha, Klaus!' said the speaker, "Tell us, now, wouldn't you like to see all that went out at the doors fly in again, ere to-morrow, at the windows?"

'Only tell me,' said Klaus quickly, 'how to fill my bags again, and I invite you all, every man Jack of you, to the wedding. There's nothing like shaking hands and being friends again. Forget and forgive, say I!'

'And Annie dances with us?' interposed the Dwarf with eagerness, swinging a pair of newly-made shoes at the same time so impetuously that they slipped out of his hand, and dropped just into the young boor's lap.

'Hollo! I didn't say that!' cried Klaus. 'I'll turn that over in my mind, and give you an answer in the morning.'

A marvellous kind of whining interrupted the discourse. The innumerable band of dwarfs pulled the drollest faces, folded their handikins, and made the most lamentable gesticulations; but the speaker slid like a spider, upon one of the threads which canopied over the cart, down into Klaus's lap; thence he clambered up his jacket, and mounted until he reached the youngster's hand—'Give me the shoes!' he exclaimed maliciously, snatching and catching at the lost property.

"'Not so, not so, dear cousin Broadcap. This bit of workmanship will I hoard up against my marriage, when I promise to put them on you myself, if you will visit me.'

"'No, no, no—give me the shoes!' said the Dwarf fiercely, stamping with both feet, and lifting his manikin fists in menace against Klaus. 'I must and will have the shoes!'

"The remaining dwarfs again set up their sorrowful whine; and then Klaus became aware that an accident had happened which, with prudence, might be turned to great account.

"'Now, fine fellows, listen to me!' said he. 'The shoes you don't have back. But if you will promise to set me to rights again with your king and people, and to give me only the neediest livelihood, then are you welcome to my wedding, to eat and dance as much as you like.

"'Well, Klaus!' answered the Dwarf, 'I see thou hast the best of us; and we have no time to spend in disputation. In thirteen hours from this, we must breathe upon the silver veins of the earth, that they may keep nicely fresh, and in good growth. But an thou wilt hold faith with us, hear my proposal. Come hither again to-morrow evening, and strike with that sprig of yew, that hangs down below thee, into the well water. So, perchance, shalt thou learn what is best to do. Quick, yea or nay?'

"'There can be little harm in that!' returned the farmer. 'I answer—yea!'

"'Brrrr——!' snarled and whizzled behind him all over the cart. The dwarfs tumbled down from every twig, bough, spoke, and felloe, and vanished in one large pointed flame, that could be seen for a second blazing from the well.

"Baldface took fright, tore from the spot, and galloped as if for life and death, over stock and stone, until the village was reached. As for Klaus, he did not recover his senses until he found himself again in his own farmyard.

"It was with solicitude and a beating heart that Nicholas awaited the arrival of the next evening. In the meanwhile, he took another and more exact survey of his already half-ruined house; and the result was so melancholy that he felt he must stake life itself for the chance of bettering his fortune. There was not a beam, a board, a rafter, a lath, in the whole house that was not ready, upon the slightest assault, to go to wreck. Of glass windows the rumour was long since extinct. All stood open; and had Klaus been a student of meteorology, a better observatory than his loopholed, tumble-down homestead could not have been to be had. He returned from his tour of inspection more firmly resolved than ever to risk his adventure; and as soon as the sun was set, and the moon traced darker shadows upon the ground, he took his yew-branch and dwarfs' shoes, and set out.

"Klaus made a long circuit, and lingered a long time in the fields, before he could summon courage to approach the spring. He plucked up a heart at last, struck a light, and lit his pipe. Thus armed, he advanced to the well. The yew-twig struck the bright motionless water, and strongly agitated it. The stream exundated on every side; kindled as it mounted, and, tumbling and commingling, in a few seconds, like an enormous flame of fire, rolled forwards and backwards round the margin of the fountain.

"Klaus steadily regarded the mysterious phantasm. The flame enringed the whole well, and at length falling back, in an incomprehensible manner, into itself, began to darken, and to emit vapour. In the midst of the smoke, the young boor recognized Godfather Stringstriker. He was sitting upon a crystal throne, a-squat, with his crooked legs tucked under him, smoking with exquisite complacency a pipe as thick as his arm, terminating in a bowl as large as his head. He seemed wholly occupied in tracing the progress of the massive curls of smoke, which gushed abundantly from his capacious mouth, and took no notice of his godchild. It was left to young Nicholas, therefore, to commence the colloquy.

"'Good even, godfather!' said the lad, not quite at ease. 'I hope you enjoy your evening pipe. You need something to keep yourself warm and comfortable. The air strikes chilly hereabouts!'

"A smile diffused itself over the whole breadth of the dwarf's face, and he puffed away for his life.

"'You're i' th' right, Godson Klaus. I like my bit of pipe! That I can say, and honestly. It's good tobacco, too; a little dear, no doubt, but fairly earned. Wilt try a Whiff?'

"'I—I—I am much obliged, Godfather Stringstriker, but I am no great smoker, and I like to stick to one sort—Porto-rico—threepence a packet. Would you like to taste it?'

"'Cabbage!' rejoined the Dwarf, contemptuously. 'Tobacco, to be good, must smell like mine. Here, put your nose to it. It's Hungarian of the best!'

"The Dwarf pushed out his broad hand, and Klaus stooped towards it. His heart leaped into his throat as he gazed upon a dozen or two of the purest Kremnitz ducats. He darted at them like a tiger; but the Dwarf was prepared for him.

"'Not so, not so!' replied the latter, drawing his hand back. 'Ere thou have them, we must strike a bargain.'

"And with these words the Dwarf took up his pipe, which only a moment before he had laid aside. The attention of young Nicholas was drawn more closely to it by the movement, and he perceived, for the first time, that the colossal bowl was neither more nor less than a bald, smooth, and perfectly white human skull. A closer inspection convinced him that it was that of his own deceased and venerated parent. Above, upon the forehead, there was a moveable clapper, through which the superfluous smoke ascended; the tube was fixed in the mouth, and the eye-holes were continually supplied with gold pieces by a couple of thousand of indefatigable dwarfs, twenty or thirty of whom tugged along one ducat, and were sorely put to it to bring it to the proper place. Klaus was almost unsettled by the discovery.

"'I see,' he said with an unsteady, tremulous voice—'I see, godfather, you have quite a new-fashioned headpiece there. Is it your own particular fancy, or a new French mode?'

"'Quite my own private and individual goût, godson Klaus!' answered the Dwarf proudly. 'The flavour is perfect out of an old rogue's skull, that has been danced to death. When it is thoroughly smoke-seasoned, I expect the Grand Turk will give me a million piasters for it. Before then I must look about, and get me another. Heark'ee, godson! how clear it rings already!' And before Klaus could get in a word, the Dwarf gave the well-smoked skull a dozen unmerciful kicks with his heavy topboots.

"'For God's sake, godfather Stringstriker,' exclaimed Klaus, 'have some discretion, or I shall forget myself, and fall foul of you! What! do you think a child has no feeling for his dead parents? and is that a respectable way of treating your friends?'

"'Spare your breath, child!' interposed the Dwarf; 'talking makes no headway with men of my stamp. Let us come to an understanding! Tell me, Klaus—art thou content that, in ten years' time, when this pipe-head is handed over to the Grand Turk, to give up thy numskull for my evening pipe? I own to thee, I envy it. It is of first-rate thickness, and would smoke a pretty while, for thou dost hold, I think, a good quantity.'

"'Come to an end—out with it all, godfather!' said Klaus in a tone of wretchedness. 'What do you wish me to do? I am willing to fast till I die of hunger, and whatever is humanly possible to perform, I will do; but as to your cursed head-smoking, I tell you, once for all, it's out of the question. The thing must be put an end to; for it is a disgrace to me, and a shame to all Christendom!'

"As Klaus spoke in sheer vexation, he smote several times with his yew-slip into the water of the well, without noticing that the clear flood swelled over upon all sides like a lightning fire-glow; whilst a whining moan was plainly audible. The Dwarf put on a very serious countenance, his pipe slipped from his mouth, and, in a completely altered tone, he rejoined—

"'Godchild Klaus, take heed to me! I like your ways, and will make you a well-meant offer. As for this head here,' and he knocked the ducat-ashes out of Simon's skull—'it shall be transferred to thee, and thou shalt keep thine own too, provided thou wilt give me back the two shoes which yesterday one of my merry pages lost. What say you to it?'

"'Eh! what?' said Nicholas, in doubt.

"'Give me the shoes!' repeated Stringstriker.

"'Now look you, godfather!' said Klaus determinedly, 'what if I accept your proposal! Here are your shoes, and you are welcome to them. But I ask you, is life worth having, if I am to be for ever a poor eschewed, scoffed, and scorned castaway? The devil a bit you care for what the world says; but one of us, who is a mere man, spitted upon by a whole village, feels what it is to be poor and contemned. I tell you boldly, godfather, and on my very heart, you must put an end to my misery—for you can do it. Give me back my money and land, and make me honourable amongst my neighbours. I can't sit alone like a night-owl in my hovel. I like to have my fellow-creatures about me, to eat bread and drink water, or it may be a draught of beer with me. I can't live the life of a blessed hermit. I am, as you know, but a simple plain fellow, a boor, a foolish forlorn lad, the unhappy son of poor Mike, danced to death for his sins.'

"Here Nicholas stopped, sobbing piteously, and dropping big and heavy tears, that found their way to the well beneath him.

"'Have you done?' said Stringstriker.

"'I have nothing more to say, godfather,' sighed the lad; 'only be kind, and put all to rights again. I have paid dearly for cursing you upon occasion, and now I humbly ask your pardon for my fault. Give me a handful or two of ducats, that I may get my barn repaired, marry my poor Annie, and again set up for an honest boor. If you will do this, Godfather Stringstriker, your children shall dance at my marriage, and here are your shoes!'

"'A bargain, godson!' said the Dwarf. 'Thou art a right sort of lad, and I will help thee. My children must have their shoes too; for by the loss of them they have gone already a great stride back in their education. Thou canst hear how they cry and beg, the poor things! Come here, and dip into thy father's head. The poor dog no longer feels it. So! that'll do. For the skull, concern thee no further. In a quarter of an hour, it shall be where it should be. But now, I rede thee, look that thou art presently ready to marry, and neglect not bidding good plenty of guests; but invite especially those that have hitherto tightly toused, mocked, and scorned thee. If thou hast lack of coin, thou wottest where Godfather Stringstriker dwells. On thy wedding-day, send hither thy three largest waggons, and to each a team of four strong horses, for I shall load them heavily—and hear'st, Godson Klaus? they shall drive nice and slowly round about the springlet, and then away again at a good gallop back to thy farm-yard. As to thyself, mark me, Klaus! upon thy wedding-day thou shalt stick a yew-leaf in thy left ear, and, as soon as I sign to thee, throw some handfuls of the like upon all the tables. Now, at once, good-night!'

"The shoes were already delivered up. There was a hissing in the air, the water in the well moved in luminous circles, and a hearty laughter seemed to force its way out of all the fissures of the earth. All was then still. The moon burst forth, and shone so brightly that one might have looked for a pin. Klaus felt his good gold in his pockets, and returned gleesome, and in ease of heart, back to his ruinous house.

"After a night spent in pleasant dreams, Klaus reckoned up his cash, and found it sufficient to procure some horses, a few cows, waggon, and gearing. As to the repairs of the mansion, his notion was to do at first only the indispensable, clearly discerning that, in order to live comfortably in future, an entire pulling down and rebuilding was inevitable. He was much more bent upon reappearing as a man of money and estate in the eyes of his fellow farmers. His first care, accordingly, was to hire domestics, male and female, to rig himself out a little, and then, without delay, to push on the preparations for his marriage.

"In less than a fortnight, every thing requisite was done, and the neighbours opened their eyes to thrice their usual size as they suddenly saw life moving again in Nicholas's farmhouse—active labourers once more in his fields. Their astonishment increased upon hearing, next Sunday, the banns published from the pulpit. But when, a week afterwards, the functionary whose office it was, with silver-headed cane, velvet waistcoat and frill, to bid the guests to the approaching wedding, appeared upon the farms of those who, a little before, were Klaus's most memorable calumniators, and invited all, without exception, to the merry-making, then indeed, as if by magic, did the despised Lying Klaus become 'a worthy creature after all,' 'a capital fellow at last,' and have his praises echoed from every beer-bench in the parish. Nobody ever thought of asking how Klaus got possessed of his new money. He had it; that fact was all-sufficient for the multitude. One or two might itch to make their comments upon the quick metamorphosis, but self-love kept them quiet; for every man already licked his lips in anticipation of the marriage-feast that awaited all.

"The preparations for the wedding were busily pushed on. Joiners and carpenters were closing windows, and fastening tottering beams from morning till night. Walls were broken down, and kitchens built up. Nothing had been seen like it by 'the oldest inhabitant.'

"Well, time ran on, and the banns were three times called; there was the spousal at the parsonage, the fetching of the bride by the bridegroom, with an escort of musicians, and at length there was the marriage ceremony itself—all happily got through. The guests, men and women, were numerous, and amongst them not a few who, for a sennight, had lived on half-allowance, the better and more steadily to devour at Klaus's marriage.

"In due time, orders were given to take the three largest waggons to the Dwarf's well, to drive slowly round this thrice, and then to push back at a gallop. The servants did not dare to refuse their master's bidding; but they shook their heads significantly when they received their strange commission, and suspected, firm and fast, that Klaus, in his excessive joy, had already drunk a cup or two beyond his thirst.

"The pastor, sitting at the right hand of the bride, had said grace, and the schoolmaster and the marriage-entreater were about commencing the distribution of the enormous masses of carp, beneath which the tables fairly groaned, when the rattle of the three returning waggons made known to Klaus the arrival of his subterranean guests. His heart beat violently, for at the same instant a well-known whispering and humming met his ear. In obedience to command, he secured the yew-leaf in his left ear, and prepared himself for what might follow. He expected much, but what he saw almost threw him from his seat with astonishment.

"Wherever there was an aperture, a split, or a rent in walls, windows, doors, there came in the dwarfs by hundreds: so as that in a few minutes the whole space was swarming with the little ones. They were most smartly dressed, just as Klaus had previously seen them, only that now, instead of the top boots, they wore those delicate dancing-pumps, upon which the young husbandman had at first caught them at work.

"Klaus attentively noted whether any of his guests had a suspicion of the apparition of these earth mannikins, but there was not a sign of it. The gentlemen forked away gallantly, and the tankards were not running over. As the bridegroom saw the spiritual company still gliding in, so that their number amounted already to hundreds of thousands, and stove-cornices, window-sills, joint-stools, and backs of chairs were thickly beset with the comical companions, he began to be uneasy. He feared lest the brothers of the bride, who were waiting upon the guests, might trample the small brood into fine dust; and in order to divert at least all blame from himself, he addressed himself to his godfather, then approaching him.

"'You do me great honour, respected godfather, by your presence—but please remember, I cannot answer for dwarf slaughter—and murderous crushings. Only look at the quantity of spruce vermin you have done me the favour to bring with you!'

"Stringstriker waved his hand magnanimously, and told his godson that it was of little consequence. Then with a bold leap, the king mounted the long table, picked his way to the middle of it, and there, with legs astride, fast planted himself. Not one of all the guests perceived the larger Dwarf, any more than they could see the countless little ones. Even Annie and the clergyman were stone-blind: so that Klaus, speaking unintelligibly at every turn, had to bear the jokes of all; for young and old, woman and man, chimed readily in with the tone of sportive raillery, as soon as it was once pitched.

"The company indeed persisted in laughing and rioting so loudly at the bridegroom's expense, that the pastor of the flock at length felt himself called upon to assume his face of office—to put a damper, as it were, upon the unseemly proceeding. Just as he began, a new dish, soup with crabs' noses, (hotchpotch,) engaged exclusively the regard of the whole of the guests. A full plate was set before every visitor, but scarcely set before him, before, with the speed of lightning, from chair-backs, window-sills, stove-cornices, nay, from the floor itself, innumerable dwarfs bounded on to the table, and, taking their places by all the plates, in three seconds consumed the savoury viand. To complete the astonishment, the confusion, the wrath, the fury of the voracious boors, Stringstriker himself galloped up and down the whole length of the table, breaking all the vessels, and draining all the beer and brandy with wonderful celerity.

"Had the most precious jewels of the Holy Roman Empire been plundered by the Turks, there could not have been a greater commotion than arose among the wedding-guests. Every man jumped up, turned in anger and disgust towards his neighbour, sate down again, and again began to reach after the food, without being able, of course, to get a morsel. Then every man swore his neighbour was making a fool of him, and, from the coarsest words, it came, without loss of time, to dreadful menaces and blows. So greedy were some after the liquorish cookery that they gave themselves good smart punctures in lip and tongue; inasmuch as the mischievous dwarfs, as soon as any in his haste forked up a piece of meat, incontinently had it down their own throats. With such provocation, the blows, on all sides, came down in showers; more ears were peppered, backs thumped, ribs punched, than the prize-ring of England had ever seen. And, as if it were not enough for the men to be sparring, the women, seeing their husbands covered with blood and bruises, must needs take up the cudgels, and fall to fighting too! A hundred arms were a-kimbo in a twinkling. Caps were dragged off, and nails shown with amazonian spirit. There was a general mêlée; every soul at the table was engaged in the contest. Marriage and bridal pair were forgotten; and Klaus roared at the droll uproar till his throat smarted again: for, not much to his regret, he soon enough became aware that his enemies and his calumniators were the parties who were coming off second best.

"This mutual threshing had lasted a good quarter of an hour, when a sign from Stringstriker directed the bride-groom to scatter the yew-leaves. In an instant the table was covered with them; and the guests, as if bewitched, dispersed in grotesque groups, and remained transfixed. Every eye was on the busy dwarfs. Klaus's godfather, crossing his legs, seated himself upon the table, and began to scrape his fiddle. The earth mannikins then arranged themselves in order, swung their broad hats gracefully, and, one stepping upon the shoulder of another, built up a living pyramid above the bride. A number clambered up to the very top of her tinsel crown, where, still two and two, they took possession of a spangle, fixed themselves upon it, and rocking to and fro, set up a soft and tender song. The bride danced to its tune, the pyramid of dwarfs along with her; and it was enchanting to see how their shining silvery girdles, and the bright clasps upon their caps, flashed and sparkled in the varying figure. Three times the dwarfs changed in the building of this pyramid, and three times, attended by it, must the bride dance round the table, through the gaping groups of guests. This done, Stringstriker played a lively march, broke through a window with his fiddlestick, and leapt out through the opening—whilst the whole dwarf brotherhood, waltzing, laughing, tumbling, in a countless crowd, prepared to follow him. For a time the procession fluctuated through the air, where the girdles yet sparkled. Soon, like a dissolving gleam, all vanished!

"The stupified boors were now able to stir themselves again. Doubtless there were many bumps, black and blue faces, and bloody noses: but the sight of all could not suppress the most extravagant merriment. All that had happened was looked upon as a prank of the fiddler, and many in their hearts felt that they had only received a just punishment for their coarse and unchristian calumnies.

"Klaus Stringstriker's fame lived upon every tongue. The dwarfs obtained no mean eulogies: and when it was at last discovered that the small mannikins had, close before the window, one and all thrown down their broad brown capkins with the brilliant clasps, the company for joy was almost mad. The bridegroom was importuned, in remembrance of this marvellous festival, to bestow upon each guest one such dwarf-hatkin, and Klaus did not need a long begging. Each one acquired a hatkin with its agraffe: some of a greedy nature, by stealth, possessed themselves of two. The presents given, the company returned to the board, and drank and uproared far into the night.