Save Yourself, Beauty

Edgars Auziņš

Save Yourself, Beauty

Chapter 1. A Little Philosophy

Leah has a weakness and a sense of indifference in her body.

Vlad had a glass of red wine in his hands, which he critically examined as if he were looking for flaws.

Leah has only one question:

– Why?

The vampire quickly escaped the sight of the expensive crystal. There was something that the vampire had memorized where he had bought it. Long years of life made themselves known.

– What's the "why? – He glanced into her anthracite eyes. They seemed to him just such a deep shade.

– Why am I here?" I repeated a little louder, feeling angry at the vampire.

– Ask the universe. And why are we all here at all? Anton, what do you think? – He turned his head slightly to the servant standing ready. Anton was dressed in a smoothed suit.

– I'm here to serve you.

– Let's say. – Vlad nodded, not changing his face at all. – Anton, what is the meaning of life?

Leah felt nausea coming to her throat when she once again looked around the dining room where she had to eat, eat and eat for the second week. In the beginning, she was fascinated by the Gothic style of the castle, objects of old age that seemed to have moved into another era. But there was only one thing left: she was a hostage here.

– There is no point in life," the servant frowned, becoming even more upright. – You live, you work, then you die. That's all.

– It looks like Anton is a nihilist," laughed the vampire, holding his thumb up his chin.

– Why are you keeping me here? – Leah once again spoke, becoming angry at the eternal calm of Vlad Dracula.

– As long as you're looking for an answer to that question, you have sense. Isn't it? – He leaned over and glanced at her with a close look, which seemed to penetrate under the skin and guard the soul.

The girl squeezed her jaws out of anger. There was an accumulation of aggression, which she could not give way.

– It is clear why there is no one with you," said Leah. – The Balabol.

Vlad burst into laughter.

– Girls are interesting creatures until they break. Sooner or later, everyone breaks down," he said with a sowing voice, staring thoughtfully into space.

Leah felt a fleeting shadow of fear, which shook her.

– Why don't you eat? – with care in his voice asked the vampire. – What didn't please you with the carbonate paste? You keep quiet all the time. Why starve?

– Maybe because some maniac is holding me hostage?! – Leah was not restrained from expressing emotion. With every hour of her stay in this place, she found it increasingly difficult to control herself.

– If the maniac keeps you here, then yell, get dressed. What else do they do there in such cases? Call for help," Vlad said with the press.

– Oh yes, now would be screaming when this castle is alone for a few miles of forest," the girl said in response.

– Here you see. – He held the vampire with his fingers on the foot of his glass. – How thoughtful you are. I noticed it immediately. A girl with "Criticism of Pure Mind" in her hands. Rarely.

Lie just wanted to be at home with a book, rather than living in constant fear and hope to find a way to escape. She developed a tactic: not to break out, but to learn carefully how to get out of here. However, the second week went by, and she had no plan at all. The girl fell into apathy, she stopped eating, feeling the pressing hopelessness and senselessness of what was happening.

Vlad didn't hit her or touch her. Vlad was just talking to her, sometimes they were silent together. For a moment, he even seemed to be deeply alone. The castle was huge, and the girl's only comfort was architecture. Leah recalled with longing the couple on this subject, how she dreamed of being here in such a monument of architecture, touching the relics, breathing in the past and sinking into it. The truth is that one should be afraid of one's desires. Her wish was too wrong.

Leah ate the lower lip with anger, which had already been all in the ranks. Why, that's why she came to Romania? Who chased her? But there was also a more pressing question: why did she come to the library at that time? And why didn't anyone warn that the maniacs also go to the library and are interested in philosophy?

"With deep interest, Leah looked at the tightly laid shelves in the city library. She loved the books and the way they smelled. Some people love the smell of books, and she felt that each book had its own fragrance, especially as regards books from libraries. So many people enjoyed the works, people with different fates and stories. The girl's hand reached out to Kant's tomic. Pleasant memories were associated with him, which allowed him to mentally return to his student years. Philosophy classes, long discussions, debates, and then nights will be spent in homework: reports, essays, reading the scientific works of great thinkers. Understanding philosophers' thoughts was not the easiest thing to do, but Leah always persisted and dug deeper, not satisfied with superficial answers.

– Cant. How exquisite. And what do you think about "things in themselves"?

Leah was fascinated by this low, pleasant voice, which gently enveloped her now languishing thoughts. A few seconds ago she remembered the taste of university latte, felt bitterly sweet and painfully familiar taste, and now lost everything as if she had untied the necklace, allowing the beads to burst.

The girl carefully turned her face to the owner of such an exciting voice. The first thing she saw was piercing grey-blue eyes. It was a strange association, but she remembered hematite for some reason. There was another memory in her head: at the age of twelve, Leah was leafing a book about precious stones and came across a very entertaining one who could paint the water red. For this reason he is still called a bloodthirsty. She shook her head trying to come to her senses, because she was asked a question.

Leah could not explain why this man caused her a paralyzing body. She felt caught by a stupid beast, but could not justify the sensations in any wise. Usually the mind guided her, not the feelings. It is absurd to experience such a thing next to a stranger. Leah did not know him at all.

Especially since his voice seemed capable of driving her crazy. The fact that she was so glum about the sound of a man's voice made her first impression at the university when she met a not-too-pretty teacher, who, however, had a velvet timbre, forcing Laya to dive into the subject with her head.

There was a little different story with the stranger: he looked pretty, and what was there was beautiful in a man's way. She wanted to remember the ancient gods and compare them and then shook her head again. The man smiled tenderly at her as if he understood what her brain was going through.

– The thing in itself? – She asked the embarrassed girl again, trying to adjust herself to philosophy. – I agree with Kant that experience cannot give us knowledge of what things are in themselves.

– It's amazing. – The man's lips stretched in a light half-smile. – Young, beautiful and smart. Rare combination today.

And Leah was filled with paint, and frowned.

– Did you think I was just holding the book?!

– Everything happens. He once saw her reading an erotic story wrapped in Spengler's cover of "The Rock of Europe". People are such funny creatures. As a result, I couldn't connect two words. And the "Rock of Europe" is more relevant than ever. Can you say something?

– About the cycle of flowering and fading of cultures? – Leah tried to remember the content. – Unfortunately, I no longer remember so well, I read a couple of years ago.

– Do you remember Spengler's suggestion to take history nonlinearly? Do you remember Faustian culture?

– This is Spengler's term," Leah thought deeply, trying hard to extract the necessary information from her memory. – I remember, but superficial.

The man did not look away from the girl's face, slowly sliding and sometimes clinging to the soft features.

– You'd look good in the portrait. I see you as Donna Velata. I wish you hadn't lived in Raphael's time. However… I feel like I've seen you somewhere before. – He blinked his eyes. Leah's heart contracted so much that she felt for a moment that she no longer lived in that reality. She was breathtaking, oxygen was scarce in her chest, and her lips became too dry. Leah touched them with the tip of her tongue, trying to cope with the nervousness, but the stranger's sharp look forced her to shake and feel the knot beneath her stomach. Leah held her breath watching her hematite eyes.

She thought she had done something too wrong.

– Will you have coffee? There is an excellent cafe around the corner – the stranger broke the silence. Leah had a noise in her ears. There were only a couple of people present in the library, and a nearby boy started talking on the phone, but Leah could not hear anything but one voice. At that moment, the whole world contracted to one person, and she could do nothing about it.

The girl was unable to refuse, fascinated by how educated and attractive this man was.

– Then we'll meet there in half an hour. I'll wait.

– Yes…" Leah herself didn't understand why her voice suddenly fell to a whisper. Her fingertips began to follow. – Excuse me…" she hesitated when the man turned. She was afraid he'd leave her now. The feelings were not pleasant. His heart stopped next to him, and it felt painful, but now it seemed that without him the world would lose its last colors. – What's your name?

– He is a.

– Vlad Tsepesh? – Leah laughed loudly, trying to relieve the tension. How not to remember Vlad Tsepesh in Bucharest?

– Hmm. "He raised his eyebrows, surprised. – Here we met, Donna Velata. – The man gave her such a studying look that Leah felt the tips of his fingers on her skin. Her cheeks flared red, and Vlad could see how uncomfortable she was."

– Even then I realized that you were special – the vampire pulled the girl out of painful memories with a taste of naive hopes. Lie then seemed lucky to meet the teacher himself, who would surprise her with her erudition, more experienced than she herself, with a hypnotizing look and such an influential magnetic voice. She was drawn to him by an irresistible force. In her life, Leah always counted everything, even when it came to guys. But here it has lost its ability to reasonably assess the situation.

She didn't have butterflies in her stomach, there was something empty. If you compare, Leah has worms inside: disgusting. In the throat every time as if something got stuck, preventing a normal sigh. The oppressive feeling did not go away, and the whole body signaled that there was danger ahead.

But another girl could not understand: since it is not love in her usual understanding, what then? Why is it so disgusting and scary at heart? And why is it even more terrible without Vlad than with him?

– Special – and what next? – Leah murmured, grabbing a glass of red wine. How it wanted to break it and to spoil a carpet with a red spot.

– Next? Leah is a jewel. I want to know you. I want you, you know? – He whispered, looking at her lovingly.

She trembled, feeling nothing but icy fear. His fingertips were cold, Vlad didn't like to light a fire. Leah returned the glass to its place.

– I wasn't talking about sex, Leah," the vampire sighed heavily when he noticed her lips compressed into thin strips. – I want to understand you. How are you doing? What's inside you? What are you thinking? I want to break you, to see you, to tear down layer by layer while studying. Walk your fingers through your bones, feel you. I want to understand the essence of things. Kant, do you understand?

Lie wanted to laugh or cry. Emotions were raging inside, the psyche was shaking in this castle, as if on American slides. She suddenly trembled. Most of all she wanted to be insensitive and invulnerable. But she was incredibly frightened, and still more anger burned her.

– You're a sick psychopath," she roared, wanting to let go of the aggression so as not to burst out of emotion like a little helpless girl.

– What am I doing wrong now? Do you think I'm a villain? – He spoke aloud, and Lee suddenly wondered that everything was not as it seemed to her. – Do you even know gray? Or do you have youthful maximalism? Oh, Leah. Thank you. – He got up from his chair and walked forward and then back. – What have I done wrong to you? I feed you, I dress you, I care. I'm not touching. Although I want to. Lia, don't you appreciate this?

The vampire came too close, and her head turned even more round. It was very hard to breathe.

– Let me go," she breathed out in despair.

– Why? What's waiting for you there? Were you happy before me? – Vlad was standing right next to her, looking down upon her.

– "I have a sister," Leah quelled out of herself. She was terribly irritated by the vampire's close presence.

– And she's safe now. What's the point of worrying about her? You can take her with you if you want to," said the vampire with a mask on his face.

This thought bewitched Leah, and she leaned back on the hard back of the chair. She started to feel nauseous. Apparently, the lack of food has affected for two days. There was a white cloth in front of my eyes.

– What was there, Leah? – Vlad touched her lower lip and carefully walked over it, so that her heart stopped and then beat faster, her whole body contracted and softened afterwards. The pleasant shaking shook her hands, and Lié was ashamed of it. – In your old life? Let me guess. You must have had a young man. – The vampire drew her lips with his thumb, enjoying the softness of her skin. – But so boring. Mediocre. There was nothing to talk to him about. The heart was always beating right in his presence. All of your peers are miserable bozos, who are only interested in easy-to-reach girls and regular sex. Isn't that right, Leah? And you want another one. Not dry, but also not concerned hero of our time. By the way, about heroes. My Italian beauty, Tesoro mio (with Italian. – my treasure) will you not feed?

Leah moved her eyebrows without understanding such a drastic change in the subject.

– He brought it in recently, and the vampire didn't wait for an answer and grabbed a piece of the plate on the table. Only now the girl noticed that Anton was no longer in the dining room. – You can't starve yourself. – He brought a piece to her lips. She lowered her gaze at the white fruit with black dots. – Come on, Leah.

She looked at him silently, burning her eyes while keeping her lips tightly closed. About how much Vlad traveled, Leah had already been heard. About his passion for foreign languages too. The vampire suddenly softened, stunned by her struggle.

– Who is the hero of our time? – Suddenly he asked, returning to the same subject. – Romantic BDSM Shik? – The vampire twisted like he remembered something else. – The knights used to perform feats for their loved ones, could not breathe on them, experiencing the most genuine and tender feelings, and what now? Now a couple of lame jokes, and the girls are ready to move their feet immediately. It's boring," Vlad said tiredly, looking at the fruit between his fingers.

– Is there a need for a hero at all? The hero died," Leah murmured dryly.

"Lia awaited their meeting with a longing heart. Why did she now feel that Vlad was not enough for her to exist? She gathered with spirit, adjusted herself to the long-awaited meeting (if you can call the wait half an hour long). I didn't want to be confused, I wanted to show my erudition, talk to him until the morning, discussing philosophy.

The girl entered a cozy cafe with wicker chairs. She only took a sneak peek at the guests present, who were not so many. The smell of freshly made coffee hit her nose, and Leah concentrated her eyes and thoughts on only one thing, on him, her recent acquaintance. She approached Vlad very carefully and saw the title of the book he was holding: "Ni ницche's words "God is dead" by Martin Heidegger.

– Are you interested in Nietzsche's statement? – She asked Leah enthusiastically, while Vlad was in no hurry to get away from reading.

– Yes. Many literally understand it. And in fact…

– The destruction of morality, interrupted by Leah. – Decline of morality. I know.

– Heidegger understands Nietzsche's words more as the death of philosophy.

– However, philosophy only does what moves around. There's nothing new here.

The owner shook his head with his hand and stared intently at the face of a new acquaintance. With real admiration.

– What's your name?

– The Leah.

– Only two syllables, and how beautiful. My sin, my soul, is Li-i: the tip of the tongue makes its way two steps down the sky, to push the teeth on the second. It's me.

The girl caught her breath from what she said. She tried to answer something, but could not, and the interlocutor was silent. Leah would like to know what he was thinking about at the time, but there was no strength to imagine: she just stared into his foggy eyes.

– That's… Nabokov? – Leah murmured, vaguely remembering the beginning of the work.

– That's right. "Lolita". And that's what you read.

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