Muse

He swirled his tongue, lapped at her and dragged it in small circles and then large whirls. Constantly off-balance. Constantly trying to catch her breath. Her fingers curled against the soft skin of her belly as she tried so hard not to clutch at him. When he sucked her clit hard enough for her to bite her tongue and then shifted back to gentler moves, she came. Driving her hips up, crying out. Her eyes darted from one man to the other to the next before finally settling on Christopher. He smiled at her. ‘Why didn’t I think of that?’

* * *

She didn’t see any choice in the matter. Dani stumbled to the shower seconds after sitting straight up in bed aroused beyond thought for the second day in a row. If she was going to have any hope of getting through the day without her mind collapsing she’d have to do something about the pounding need between her legs.

She took a moment to stand under the shower and then grabbed the showerhead and turned it to the massage setting. It was only about thirty seconds, she thought. It only took that long of the constant, heavy sensation on her swollen clit before she was coming. Her forehead pressed to the cool tile, her mind swallowed up for a few blissful seconds by nothing but the intense physical sensation.

It had never entered her mind that doing this thing – this wild and crazy thing – would have these kinds of repercussions. She wasn’t sure if she liked it or loathed it. All she knew for certain was that the whole damn experience was intense. She’d never had more than vaguely erotic dreams in her life. Now they were full-blown erotic movies that felt like actual encounters.

‘Focus,’ she said, wiping the mirror clear of steam. She stared at herself. She looked tired but oddly energised as well. She sighed then went about getting ready for work. After she’d brushed her teeth, applied minimal makeup and pulled on a grey sweater dress with tights and mid-calf boots, she braided her hair because there was no time to blow-dry it. She’d spent too much time wandering around in a haze. She made a quick cup of coffee, poured it into her travel mug and hit the road.

She’d just flipped her computer on when she heard. ‘Woah … you had another one, didn’t you?’

She glanced up to find Cheryl there, arms crossed, leaning against the door jamb, looking very smug indeed.

‘Hush.’

‘Tell me I’m wrong.’

‘You’re not wrong,’ she sighed. She finished her coffee and realised she’d definitely, without a doubt, need more today.

‘And?’

‘And what?’

‘There’s something else,’ Cheryl said, tapping her toe. She wore Snoopy scrubs today and Dani half expected her to break out in the classic Snoopy dance when she finally decided to answer.

‘There were three of them this time.’

‘You met someone else!’

‘You know, back in the day they’d try you for witchcraft for all this thought-reading and stuff.’

‘That doesn’t take a witch to figure out.’ Cheryl crept closer, keeping herself angled for the door in case the receptionist called her out for a patient.

‘A guy in the Tuesday/Thursday class. The silver fox,’ she said, feeling stupid.

‘The what?’ Cheryl was trying not to laugh.

Dani shook her head. ‘I don’t know his name. He’s older. Probably mid-forties. Silver in his hair and his beard. Bright blue eyes. Just …’ She shrugged.

‘Ah, just a hot-ass silver fox. I get it. And was he good? In the dream?’

Dani chewed her lip. ‘Jesus Christ … he was the best one.’

‘Oh, my God,’ Cheryl said. Then Rebecca called her name from the front and she sighed. ‘Lunch. Eleven-thirty. I want all the details.’

‘They’re too dirty.’

‘Those are the best kind!’ Cheryl cried, throwing up her hands. Then she hurried out to the front of the office. The day had started and the patients didn’t want to wait because Dani was suddenly having X-rated dreams.

She made it through her morning and almost cried with relief when lunch came. She needed a break from trying so damn hard to focus. Her mind was a collage of men and paint and brushes and orgasms. She needed to let her mind be pudding for the next hour.

She’d just taken a seat next to Cheryl, ready to tuck into her Greek salad and bottle of water, when the other chair slid backwards so fast she jumped. Her mother – her mother! – flopped down in the seat, clutching her giant purse in her lap, and stared at Dani. ‘What is this I hear about you doing pornography?’

‘Jesus …’ Dani muttered.

‘Language!’ her mother scolded and then sat there waiting for an explanation.

Chapter 10

‘I’m just going to take this …’ Cheryl gathered her meal container and her soda. She slid out of her seat and Dani found herself clamping a hand on her friend’s arm.

‘Don’t go,’ she managed.

‘Oh, no. I have to,’ Cheryl said. She looked like she’d either laugh or cry. Maybe both. ‘This is a family thing. I’ll just let you have your privacy.’ She shook Dani’s hand off gently and went.

‘Traitor,’ Dani sighed.

‘I’m waiting, Danielle.’ Her mother’s mouth was a tight seam, her eyes loaded with disapproval.

‘I’m not doing pornography, mother,’ she said, keeping her voice low. ‘I took the position of model in Chris’s classes. It just happens to be nude.’

Helen Young shut her eyes as if she’d just received a death sentence. ‘Nude,’ she said, drawing the word out.

Dani straightened up, pushed her shoulders back. She was getting pissed now. ‘Yes. Nude. I’m not a child, Mom. I can make my own decisions, you know.’

‘But why on earth would this be your big decision? I’ve seen you have trouble deciding between beef or seafood for dinner since you and Bob … broke up.’

Her mother rarely said the word ‘divorce’.

‘So?’

‘So, now you’ve made this grand adult decision to parade around naked.’ Her mother leaned in, practically groaning the last word of her sentence.

‘Yes, I have. It’s fine. I stand there in a single pose. The class sketches me and—’

‘So an entire classroom of strangers – no, two classrooms full of strangers, according to Clara – have naked pictures of you.’

Dani couldn’t help it. She snorted with laughter. ‘Pictures? You mean sketches. That they did themselves. Some probably very badly. They draw me, Mother, I’m not doing a live feed online for the viewing pleasure of strange men out in the ether.’

‘But you might as well be! You need to stop.’

‘Firstly,’ Dani said, her anger growing, ‘I do not need to stop. And I won’t stop. It’s really not as big a deal as you’re making it. Secondly, what was it Daddy told me that one time, the year I turned twenty-one and we all went out drinking as a family, about you dancing when you were in college?’

Her mother’s mouth went from a tight seam to invisible. Her jaw and mouth so tight her lips virtually disappeared. ‘Dani—’ Her voice held warning.

‘Not just dancing,’ Dani said, tapping her temple and pretending to think. But she didn’t have to think. She’d never forget her father dropping that particular bomb on her. Or how she’d sat there, clutching a mug of tap beer, mouth hanging open in surprise. And a little horror, she’d admit. No one thinks of their mother that way. ‘It wasn’t just dancing, was it? It was exotic dancing.’

Her mother looked at the table, the ceiling, the door of the cafeteria as it swung open admitting other lunch patrons. ‘That is beside the point.’

‘And we all know,’ Dani went on, pushing the envelope, ‘that exotic dancing is code for—’

‘Danielle!’

‘Stripping!’ Dani said, leaning in and whispering the word.

Her mother had gone pale. ‘I do not regret that experience.’

Dani sat back, a bit smug. ‘And I don’t expect you to. But I do not and will not regret this one. Even if you want me to.’

Helen Young sat back, put her hands palms down on the table and regarded Dani. ‘We all want better for our children than what we had, what we did.’

‘I appreciate that. But this is something I want to do. I am doing. You have two choices, you can support me or you can not support me. If you choose the second option, I’ll thank you to do it silently.’

Her mother said nothing for a long time. Finally, she simply nodded. ‘I’ll get going, then. Looks like your lunch break is almost up. Call me and let me know if you’re going to Mary Catherine’s baby shower. If you are you can pick me up. We can ride together.’ She laid a cool kiss on Dani’s forehead and hustled out, walking with a tight gait in her mauve wool suit.

Dani sighed and pushed away the remainder of her lunch. She wasn’t very hungry any more. She hadn’t expected that, just when she’d got used to the idea of her new part-time job, she’d have to battle her mother over it. Sometimes life – adult life – was just too damned exhausting.

* * *

Nipples, nipples, nipples …

It was all she could think of. She’d arrived on time and Chris had gotten her the robe. The whole routine had become normal. Which was both invigorating and terrifying. Arrive, disrobe and be posed like a giant Barbie doll.

He’d tugged the end of her hair just as she was about to go change. ‘Hey, you OK?’

‘Fine. Dust-up with Helen the Great. No biggie.’

‘Yeah, I heard my mom let the cat out of the bag.’

‘No worries,’ Dani said. ‘I had ammunition.’

He raised an eyebrow and the thought that he’d just had a date the night before pounded her already tired brain. What, was she jealous? That was insane.

‘Do tell.’

‘Later. I’ll tell you over drinks one day. Then we can sit back quietly and listen to the sound of my mother’s soul screaming.’

Chris laughed. ‘Off you go. I’ll go back in and prompt them. Sadly, you’ll be in the same pose as the first class. A lot of them didn’t quite finish and need the visual prompt.’

Dani shrugged. ‘Fine by me.’

It was only as she was wrapping the well-washed robe around herself that she realised she had a date herself. Tonight. With Kevin Buck.

The day had been so insane – the aftermath of her filthy dreams, her mother’s lunchtime ambush – that it had slipped her mind. Now, standing in the classroom, with his eyes on her and her nipples so tight she felt she could cut glass with them, it was the only thing she could think of.

As the silence invaded her mind, broken by nothing but the heat ticking on and the scratch of pencils on art pads, she thought she might scream. Every time she glanced at him he smiled. His eyes seemed to trace every inch of her. And, unlike the other students, he’d stare for a long while before even putting pencil to paper. As if memorising every single nuance before even thinking of drawing it.

‘Fifteen-minute break,’ Chris announced and she exhaled a long breath. Dani hadn’t even realised she’d been holding it until the air came whooshing out of her lungs and she got to inhale a deep, fresh breath.

She walked out into the hall, stoically ignoring the pervasive wetness between her thighs. Thank God she didn’t have to sit for this pose. She feared a wet spot would have been revealed when she stood.

Dani heard footsteps and turned. Buck was standing there, simply watching. ‘We still on for tonight?’ he asked, finally.

She didn’t trust her voice so she nodded.

‘Great. There’s this little place near my house that has wine-tasting trays and appetisers. Low-key. Nice. Small.’ He leaned against the wall, all long and lanky with his teasing, innocent man bun. But the look in his eyes was intense. Definitely not innocent. ‘It’s quiet. Does that sound OK?’

She’d heard it all but the words that echoed in her head were ‘near my house’. Would she go home with him? Would she act on the cues her body was giving her? Dani had no idea. She managed to say, ‘Sounds great’ without sounding like she’d been sucking helium.

‘Great. I think you’ll like it. I’ve been looking forward to this since Monday.’

‘Me too,’ she said. She’d nearly forgotten but, if she was dreaming dirty dreams about Buck, then she definitely had him on her mind. In a most carnal way.

Chris stuck his head out of the classroom. ‘We’re back, guys.’

When Kevin Buck turned, Dani caught Chris sizing him up. An unreadable expression flitted across his face but it was gone so fast she couldn’t tell what it was.

‘Coming,’ she said, then heat flooded her face. Poor choice of words. Because there had been a few moments in there, being studied and sketched and watched, when she’d thought she actually might. Now she had to go back in and stand there bared to the world, or at least to classroom 213, and not squirm out of her skin.

‘I’ll meet you at the south exit?’ Buck asked her.

Dani nodded. She glanced at Chris and there was the weird look on his face again. Before she could get a handle on it, he turned and strode back into the classroom.

She took her position again and tried to zone out. She listened to the scratch of pencils, the tick of the clock, the whoosh of forced warm air. She let her eyes drift to Chris and found him staring at her. She tried a small smile and he returned it but it didn’t touch his big green eyes, which remained far away, pondering.

He’s an artist. They all look that way …

But she wasn’t convinced and neither was her stomach, which seemed to twist in on itself as she stood there. The room was too warm but then it was too cool. She felt like the bulk of her was too big for her skin, as if it had shrunk. It was anxiety, she kept telling herself. So she focused on her breathing. When Chris finally dismissed her so he could wrap up class, she felt a relief so enormous her legs went wobbly.

She hurried down to get dressed and then made the vain concession of touching up her makeup and fluffing her hair. Her work clothes would have to do for her date because she hadn’t been thinking – had simply been drifting through her day – and hadn’t thought to bring something more casual. Thankfully, her wrap dress was pretty much suited to any damn place she wore it.

‘It’ll have to do,’ she said to her reflection. And it would. It would have to do.

Chapter 11

‘Tell me,’ Dani said. ‘What’s your story for being in art class?’

Kevin Buck leaned back in his high-backed bar stool and gave a lazy shrug. Tonight he looked the artist part. A white button-down shirt, collar open past his clavicle, sleeves rolled, artfully messed and shoved up to his elbows, faded jeans, motorcycle boots and, of course, the man bun.

‘I was bored.’

‘Bored?’ She sipped a Shiraz that had a bit of a back kick and a burn at the end. Her face and stomach glowed with warmth from the wine. They’d been picking at a plate of mixed appetisers. All homemade at the restaurant. Not a frozen chicken finger to be found.

‘I’m a trust-fund baby,’ he said.

Her wine meandered down the wrong pipe and Dani found herself choking on it. She covered her mouth, mortified as her body shook.

‘That surprising?’ he asked with a half-smile. He patted her on the back. ‘You OK?’

‘I am. And no, it wasn’t what you said. Just, swallowing wine is a bit too tricky for me, I guess. But, I’ll admit, I wasn’t expecting that.’

He gave a nod, picked up the small tasting glass and gave the dark-red liquid a quick try. ‘No one does. I guess I don’t look the part. No preppy clothes, dock shoes or sneering demands. No flashing cash and showing off. No drug problem and/or booze problem and/or gambling problem. Just a long, winding road of semi-boredom and malaise.’ He winked.

Up close he gave off a vibe. A sex vibe was the only way she could describe it. Only to herself; she’d never say it aloud. Magnetism swirled around him like an invisible force field. And the new information that he was a trust-fund baby surprised her. He didn’t fit the part. Didn’t give off that air of entitlement.

‘Well, it’s good that you avoided all the problems and went for something to fill your time. What else do you do?’

‘I want to be an artist, to be honest. But I’m twenty-eight. Who knows if that will happen?’

She laughed. ‘You say twenty-eight like it’s old. Anything could happen. Second acts are de rigueur these days.’

He leaned in, smiling at her. It was a wooing kind of smile, she thought. Hard to resist. It made her want to kiss him. Or, more importantly, be kissed by him.

‘Is that what you’re doing? Is this a second act of some kind? I admit,’ he said, giving another casual shrug and playing with a cocktail napkin, ‘I’m entirely curious how a beautiful woman who clearly has another job got into nude modelling for wannabe artists like me.’

‘How can you tell I have another job?’

‘You arrive in work clothes all the time. They look a bit more buttoned up than I imagine you are if you’re going out casually. But I could be wrong.’ His fingertip grazed the very edge of her hand and the nipples that had calmed down ages ago went into red alert.

Dani suppressed a shiver and tried to put the words together to answer him. ‘You’re not wrong. I’m an office manager at a doctor’s office. Chris and I, your teacher and I, go way back. We grew up together on the same street. Hung out together, wasted long summer days.’

‘Ah,’ he said.

‘Ah?’

‘Sorry,’ Buck said, shaking his head. ‘Go on.’

‘We ran into each other with our boisterous, larger-than-life mothers in tow. And he told me about it. I was ready for … something,’ she said waving her hand vaguely.

‘Something.’

‘Different. Something to shake up my life, I guess. I’m divorced. Officially, now. Things weren’t too great and now I find myself thirty-two—’ She levelled her gaze at him. ‘And see, I’m not saying that like it’s old. This time.’

He grinned at her.

‘And I’m alone and I’m in this life-living rut. I just have the same day over and over again. Until now.’

‘Now when you walk in a classroom full of artistically tortured souls, drop your robe and knock everyone’s socks off.’

She gave a snort of disbelief and quickly tried to cover with a cough. ‘Not quite.’

‘Oh, quite.’ His finger was tracing the edge of her hand again and Dani found herself shifting on her oversized bar stool. She didn’t know that someone touching her in such an innocuous place could make her feel like she was going to burst out of her skin. Or burst into flames.

‘Thank you,’ was all she could think to say.

He leaned toward her so smoothly she didn’t see it coming until it happened. He kissed her. His lips were soft and warm and when they touched hers her entire body seemed to melt into goo. Dani parted her lips and his tongue touched hers ever so gently. A featherlight stroke of tongue on tongue. His big hand, smudged in places with graphite, cupped the back of her head. Holding her tightly but not so tightly she felt the need to extricate herself.

The kiss deepened and, when her head was swimming and her body felt like one big heartbeat, Buck pulled back and said, ‘I know it’s incredibly forward, and feel free to smack me and storm out, but I’d love to take you home with me, Dani. I have to say, I don’t usually see a woman’s naked body before I decide to court her. I know we did this backwards, but I have to admit something—’ He regarded her with those deep dark eyes and her breath stuttered.

‘What? Admit what?’ She sounded a little more eager and desperate than she cared to, but it was out there. Nothing she could do about it.

‘I’ve been thinking of nothing but you since Monday. The way you stand up there. The way you look entirely stoic and entirely terrified at the same time. The curve of your hip …’ He reached beneath their small round table cluttered with cocktail debris, and swept his finger along the curve he was describing. ‘The length of your neck …’ The finger moved and caressed her from just below her ear to her collarbone. ‘Everything.’

‘Yes,’ she said, her voice a small, excited thing.

‘Yes?’

‘Take me home. Now,’ she said, saying it quickly before she could talk herself out of it. Even though she wanted it, wanted him, talking herself out of things that made her blood leap was her modus operandi. She didn’t want to give herself time to unravel her want.

His lips curved into a smile. ‘I was really expecting the slap and the storming off.’

‘Sorry to disappoint you,’ she said.

‘Oh, you’ve done anything but. Trust me.’ He waved his finger at the waiter for the check and paid him in cash.

‘Will you show me?’ she asked.

He cocked an eyebrow at her as he held the door and she went out into the cool night air. ‘Show you?’

‘Your sketch. Of me.’

‘Ah, now you want to see. I will, if you’re nice to me.’

Dani laughed. Her heartbeat was a palpable thing in her chest, her ears, between her legs. She planned to be very nice to him. She hoped he’d be very nice to her.

Chapter 12

Buck’s apartment was a huge studio on the top floor of a building in the city. The décor didn’t reek of money but the fact that this space was what he called home did. It was in a part of the city that the newcomers were breathing life back into. Refashioning the neighbourhood with small boutique businesses, renovations and community efforts. She stood at the foot of his bed and looked through the wall of glass at the harbour lights. From here the shadow skeletons of the big ships were visible. The line of restaurants with their neon shone like beacons.

‘Pretty nice view, huh?’ He walked in behind her with two glasses of wine and handed her one.

‘It’s amazing.’

‘It’s why I took this place. I had a small place closer to the school a while back and I was perfectly content. But my folks bought this building and another one a block or so away. They showed me this place and I was all set to say no and put my foot down. My place was much smaller but I’d made it home.’ He put his arms around her waist from behind, pulled her against him so that her back was nestled against his chest, and kissed the back of her neck.

‘But?’ Dani asked, laughing softly. ‘There’s a but in there.’

He subtly pressed himself against her so that he was fitted flush against her ass. When he chuckled, all the fine hairs along her nape tingled.

‘There’s definitely a butt …’ Another laugh and he kissed her shoulder this time. Goosebumps peppered the skin of her upper arms and she barely managed to tamp down a shiver. ‘But my mother is clever. She knows what buttons to push. So when they brought me here to see the place, she made sure they brought me at night. One look out at that and I was toast. I lost all my will power, forgot all my arguments and caved to their desire to have someone inhabiting this building until the lower floors could be redone.’

‘I think you got a sweet deal, to be honest,’ she whispered. A small light, possibly a police boat or a lighted buoy, bobbed in the harbour water. The whole thing reminded her of Christmas, invoking a warm and cosy feeling.

‘I think so too.’ Buck released her and turned her slowly so they were face to face. ‘Sweeter still now that you’re here.’

She hummed softly as he kissed her. His mouth pressed to hers, his tongue slipping softly between her lips. That big hand was on the back of her head again, tethering her to earth, keeping her from floating away. Buck was a good kisser and then some.

Her nipples stiffened and, when his fingers brushed slowly over the bodice of her dress, they sought out the lace of her bra. Dani pressed her body to his. Leaving not a lick of space between them. She felt his cock, hard and eager, pressing against her. Her stomach took on that tumbling, free-fall feeling so when he took a step back she sucked in a breath.

‘Can I just …’ He let the sentence peter out as he unbuttoned her dress. She felt the cool kiss of air, and then the warm kisses his lips dropped on her skin as he bared it. His fingers were deft as he popped the front clasp of her bra and let the lace fall free of her breasts. Then his mouth was on her and her eyes drifted shut, her mind’s eye supplying the fairy lights of the still awake city below this sky-top studio.