Stop. Dont Repeat My Mistakes. My 31 Honest Pieces of Advice

Uliana Sunny, Ульяна Солнечная

Stop. Dont Repeat My Mistakes. My 31 Honest Pieces of Advice

Stop. Don’t Repeat My Mistakes.

My 31 Honest Pieces of Advice.

1. Why, when we finally feel ready—to quit a job, leave a destructive relationship with a boyfriend or husband, or move to another city—do months and years pass while we wait?

When I make a decision, I go. I start taking action. I don’t wait until I feel ready. Readiness is my choice.

It sounds so simple, but for years I deceived myself with the illusion that I wasn’t ready yet—that I should “wait.” When you decide to act and you are already ready, but the people around you—and even your own inner critic—keep telling you, “Wait. It’s not the right time yet. You haven’t built up enough strength. You haven’t developed enough confidence. You haven’t saved enough resources,” doubts and fear begin to creep in.

It’s a state of inner resistance that appears right before you move into action.

But I’m understanding more and more deeply that readiness isn’t some magical state that descends upon you like a revelation or divine grace. It’s an act. It’s a decisive switch in your mind: “I choose this path, and all other options are off the table.”

Many people think readiness means that everything feels easy, that your fears have disappeared, that you feel butterflies in your stomach from anticipation. But that’s a lie that movies and social media sell us.

True readiness is born at the exact moment when you say “yes” and can no longer say “no,” because something inside you has clicked into place.

We keep waiting for readiness to appear: waiting until we finally dare to leave a job, walk away from a destructive relationship with a boyfriend or husband, or move to another city. And while we wait, months and years pass.

We wait for this state as if it will come on its own, like the weather.

But it isn’t a state.

It’s a choice.

Readiness is a decision you have made.

“I am ready.”

And the moment you make that decision, you are already ready to change the way you see yourself, quit drinking, quit smoking, start exercising, learn foreign languages, stop communicating with people who drain your energy, and so on.

If you are ready to choose something, you simply decide:

“From this moment on, I will not compare myself to anyone. I will not waste my time and energy scrolling through other people’s social media. I will not discuss other people’s lives.”

Create your own readiness.

And that’s it.

Period.

No more “I’ll try.”

No more “We’ll see.”

There is only:

“I am doing it.”

And this whole “I’m waiting” thing? It really means:

“I’m waiting for resources.”

I’m waiting until I have enough strength, enough courage, enough inner determination to take that step.

I’m waiting until I stop feeling sorry for myself, stop making excuses, stop slipping back into the past, stop replaying old hurts and traumas.

But here’s the paradox:

Your spirit doesn’t grow stronger through waiting. Your spirit grows stronger through action.

Through the first step—even if it’s awkward, even if your knees are shaking with fear.

And for that inner strength to appear, you need two things.

First, you need to train it—every day, through the smallest things.

Do what scares you but matters.

Say “no” where you used to say “yes.”

Choose yourself when the whole world is screaming, “Be convenient. Be easy. Be agreeable.”

Second, you need to understand your goals—not abstractly, but concretely, almost tangibly.

What are you doing this for?

When you have a clear goal, it becomes a lighthouse.

Ask yourself:

Why do you want to lose weight?

Is it for the number on the scale?

Or is it so you can feel light in your body, look in the mirror and smile, and like yourself—not because other people approve of you, but because you do?

Why do you want to stop eating sweets?

Is it for your health?

For more energy?

So you don’t fall into shame after every pastry?

And why do you want to move?

Is it because of the new city?

Or because of that feeling of freedom—the feeling that you get to choose your own path, your own mornings, your own neighbors?

I’m not talking about doing things for possessions, status, or because “everyone else is doing it.”

I’m talking about your inner state.

How do you want to feel when you wake up in the morning?

How do you want to breathe?

How do you want to feel in your body, in your heart, in your skin?

What state of being do you want to leave a man for?

Not for the sake of being alone.

But so you can stop shrinking into a little ball every time he walks into the room.

So you can feel your own worth without needing his approval.

How do you want to feel?

Free. Whole. Alive.

You need to close your eyes and imagine that state—imagine that you have already connected with this decision, that it has become a part of your very being.

Imagine every detail:

Where are you?

What do you see outside the window?

Who is beside you?

What are you wearing?

What does your laughter sound like?

When you have lived through this feeling inside yourself, everything else becomes simply a series of steps.

Mechanics.

From there, your feet start moving on their own.

Motivation appears on its own, like the wind filling the sails.

The moment your brain understands:

“Yes. I need this. I will feel better there than I feel here.”

—it stops sabotaging you.

It starts looking for opportunities instead of obstacles.

Everything else is simply a sequence of actions.

Just logistics.

Just daily life.

Just a schedule.

Mechanics.

And mechanics, as we know, obeys the person who knows where they are going.

What matters is that you explain to yourself, on the level of your inner state, that this is your choice.

Not your mother’s.

Not your friends’.

Not society’s expectations.

Yours.

When your choice comes from within—from that image of a happier future—it becomes incredibly powerful.

And then you no longer have to wait until you “mature” or “finally become ready.”

You are already ready the moment you see that picture and say:

“I want this.”

2. When Your Basic Needs Are Taken Care Of or You Finally Have Money, There’s Only One Thing You Want: To Rest

“If you want a woman to grow and develop, give her safety.”

This isn’t entirely true.

I hear this statement very often from coaches, psychologists, and men who want to “provide a secure foundation.” And there is a profound truth in it—but only half the truth.

The idea is based on the belief that feminine energy, true feminine energy, is love, creativity, nurturing, and acceptance. And this is indeed true: under chronic stress, when a woman is forced to survive and fight for basic necessities, her creative potential contracts like a flower in a drought.

Where have you ever seen an artist create a masterpiece while living under constant stress?

Or a woman raise a child with tenderness and patience when there is a war raging inside her?

In stress, aggression, irritation, and anger always rise to the surface—defense mechanisms that don’t allow tenderness to unfold.

For a woman to live according to her nature and to earn money in a way that is truly aligned with her feminine nature—that is, through inspiration, attraction, and co-creation—she needs a sense of safety.

When her basic needs are taken care of—a roof over her head, food, the ability not to worry about tomorrow, support—that is like fertile soil.

But here’s what’s interesting:

Often, when a woman finally finds that safety—marries a financially secure man, receives an inheritance, or moves to a peaceful place—she suddenly doesn’t want to do anything.

She doesn’t rush off to create.

She doesn’t launch a business.

She doesn’t write books.

She freezes.

And this contradicts the myth that if you give a woman safety, she will immediately “flutter around,” shine, and start fulfilling her potential.

No.

Why does this happen?

Because very few women truly understand that it is possible to grow from a place of safety.

Most of us have spent our entire lives proving ourselves, fighting, overcoming obstacles. We are used to living on adrenaline, scarcity, and the constant feeling of “I have to.”

And when that scarcity suddenly disappears, there is emptiness.

We don’t know what to do with ourselves.

We are tired—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.

Our energy has already run out. We’ve burned out before we even got to the starting line.

And when we get married, when our basic needs are finally covered, or when we simply start having money, there is only one thing we want:

To rest.

To lie on the couch.

Watch TV shows.

Not think about breakfast.

Not rush anywhere.

And that is completely normal.

It’s not laziness.

It’s not weakness.

It’s exhaustion.

That’s why women so often—and I was exactly the same way—may do some things, of course, but not in a way that makes them want to dedicate every single day to their family or their first husband.

I just wanted to be.

And very often, a woman wants to focus on everyday life and family for a long time—especially if she never had the chance to fully experience that part of herself before.

Because first, you need to be nourished by what was once forbidden.

You need to give her the opportunity to experience and embody that part of herself—to be a wife, to be a homemaker, to feel the taste of comfort and coziness.

And then, when she realizes that she has “played that role out,” when that chapter has been fully lived, she can begin to redirect her energy toward something new.

These are stages.

Phases.

Like steps on a staircase.

You can’t skip over rest and immediately throw yourself into ambitious projects.

It doesn’t work like this:

“Give a woman money and freedom, and she’ll immediately run off to fulfill her creative potential.”

No.

Very often, a woman will simply lie down on the couch and stay there.

She will recover her nervous system.

And after some time, she will finally exhale.

And perhaps, for the first time in her life, she will ask herself:

“What do I actually want? Not my family. Not my husband. What do I want?”

And these realizations come slowly, like the first rays of sunlight after a long winter.

They take time.

And finding what you can create out of love rather than obligation may take years.

But it is incredibly important not to give up.

To keep searching.

To keep listening to yourself.

To keep trying small things—not for the sake of results, but for the sake of joy.

Buy something for a hobby you’ve always wanted to explore.

Sign up for a sport or a dance class and simply move your body.

Write down your thoughts or a poem and don’t show it to anyone.

Read about something that genuinely interests you and inspires you to explore a new idea, a new project, or perhaps your own business.

Don’t think:

“That’s it. My husband has taken care of all my needs, and now I have to go build some complicated business just to justify my existence.”

No.

If all your basic needs are taken care of, it means the world has given you permission to exhale.

That’s it.

You don’t have to run.

You don’t have to prove anything.

You can breathe.

And you can take this time—this sacred time that belongs to no one else—and use it to find the resource, the niche, and the financial opportunities that you can pursue from your own feminine potential.

From the state of:

“I exist. I am already valuable. And I create from a place of fullness, not from a place of emptiness.”

That is the true feminine path.

Not a race.

But a return to yourself.

And safety is only the launchpad.

It is not the destination.

The destination is that inner picture that lights up inside you when you close your eyes and know:

“I came here to be happy.”

And after that?

The steps.

The mechanics.

Life.

And life is beautiful.

3. Self-Esteem Is Not Born from Fixing Your Weaknesses, but from Cultivating Your Strengths

The best way to improve your self-esteem is to stop focusing on what you can’t do and start focusing on your strengths.

I know it sounds cliché, but how many times have we ignored this simple principle?

Most people spend their entire lives trying to fight their weaknesses, as if they were pulling out weeds, while forgetting to water the flowers that have already started to grow.

And perfect people don’t exist. They never will.

But from childhood, we’ve had this idea drilled into our heads:

“You need to be better. Work on your mistakes. Fix your weak spots.”

And so we rush off to fix ourselves.

Imagine someone tells you:

“Oh, you don’t know how to rollerblade.”

And because it hits a nerve, you go and spend countless hours trying to learn how to rollerblade.

Not because you actually want to.

But because it hurt you.

Because someone dared to question your worth.

And you spend years trying to prove to that person—or to yourself—that you are not a “loser.”

But in this race, you lose sight of your real talents—the ones you were born with, like a unique code written into you.

Let’s say you have a natural talent for tennis.

You play in a way no one else does—with curiosity, an intuitive understanding of technique, and a genuine love for the game.

Why do you need to be a ten out of ten at everything?

Why do you need to learn how to rollerblade if you could become an incredible athlete, perhaps even a coach who goes on to teach hundreds of people?

And if you hate cooking—don’t cook.

You don’t have to spend decades learning how to cook, forcing yourself to stand over the stove, rereading recipes again and again just so you can become the “perfect homemaker.”

And what for? )))

Of course, you’ll learn if you’re forced to. Survival will make sure of that.

But you won’t have that drive.

That fire.

That natural talent.

You’ll be doing it against your will, which means your energy will be drained for no real purpose, and the result will be mediocre.

Now imagine what happens when you take your strengths and go all in on them.

When you invest yourself completely.

When you develop them, deepen them, and turn them into your signature—your unique edge, your personal brand.

Your self-esteem will skyrocket.

Because every single day, you’ll be able to see yourself succeeding.

Recognition will come.

Financial success will come.

Money will come.

Not because you forced yourself to earn it, but because you’re doing something you’re naturally good at.

And you’ll do it with joy.

With ease.

It will feel almost like you’re playing.

But when you start fighting yourself—when you try to be “the right person” instead of being alive—everything starts going sideways.

The results may still be there, but they’re empty.

They have no soul.

So stop digging through your flaws as if you’re rummaging through an old handbag.

Take a piece of paper.

Write down your five greatest talents.

And then ask yourself:

“What have I done today to awaken them?”

And do something about them every single day.

That is the path to genuine self-esteem—the kind that isn’t fragile, the kind that doesn’t depend on other people’s opinions or approval.

4. Independence and Adaptability Are Skills You Can Develop Until You Become Unstoppable

My biggest piece of advice to all women is this: train your muscles of independence and adaptability.

The moment you learn to handle anything new with complete calm, the moment you stop being afraid of the unknown, the moment you can dive into all that unfamiliar territory without the inner scream of:

“Oh God, what if I travel abroad and lose my ticket? What if my phone breaks? What if I can’t find my way?”

—you become unstoppable.

Not just confident.

Unstoppable.

Because external circumstances stop feeling like threats.

They become nothing more than scenery—something you can change whenever you choose.

Many women want to improve their self-esteem, learn how to make money, get a high-level position, or achieve some other external marker of success.

But they miss the most important thing:

Adaptability isn’t the ability to bend yourself to fit everyone else. It’s the ability to quickly adjust to any environment.

Train yourself to adapt quickly to anything new.

That is the highest level of survival—and growth.

The world will never be stable.

The rules change every second.

Technology, markets, people, crises—it’s all chaos.

And you have only two choices:

Cling to the old and pray that the storm passes you by.

Become water.

Being adaptable means not waiting for the environment to change for you.

It means staying one step ahead of it.

You fall—and you get back up differently.

The old way doesn’t work—and you find a new approach.

You lose everything—and you find opportunities where everyone else sees only ruins.

Remember:

All great discoveries and breakthroughs have happened precisely at the intersection of change.

Those who are afraid of the new remain stuck in the past.

Those who run toward the unknown are the ones who write history.

Your adaptability is the mindset of a winner.

It gives you freedom.

You aren’t tied to a place, a person, or a set of rigid patterns.

You go wherever there is a challenge.

And you always come out ahead, because you turn every twist of fate into a launching pad.

Don’t be afraid of looking awkward in a new environment.

Be afraid of becoming rigid in a world that is constantly moving forward.

Be fluid.

Be quick.

Be adaptable.

Then no change will ever break you.

It will only make you stronger and take you somewhere you never even dreamed of going.

So how do you actually develop this in practice?

Start right now.

Ask yourself:

“What would I do differently if I could adapt instantly?”

And then do it.

Don’t wait for some major life change.

Start small.

Try new workouts, even if they feel scary and unfamiliar.

Experiment with new sports, yoga, dancing, rock climbing—anything that teaches your body and mind not to freeze when faced with something new, but to switch on and find a new rhythm.

Go to new places.

Not your usual park, but a forest you’ve never explored.

A neighborhood you’ve never visited.

A gallery you’ve always walked past without noticing.

Change your route to work, even if it seems silly.

Take a different road.

Look at different shop windows.

Let new images and experiences enter your mind.

Go into new stores.

Try new restaurants where people speak another language or serve food you’ve never tasted before.

Talk to new people.

Not just the two friends you feel comfortable with, but a colleague from another department, a neighbor, a barista, or a stranger from another country standing in line next to you.

All of this is a deliberate departure from stability.

A voluntary step outside your comfort zone.

And it is precisely in these moments that you train a flexible mind, a resilient nervous system, and a genuine curiosity about life.

Eventually, you stop being afraid of losing your stability because you are training yourself to know that you can quickly build a new life wherever you go.

Imagine arriving in a new country where everything is unfamiliar—the language, the food, the rules, the people.

But you don’t panic.

Instead, your trained reflex kicks in:

“Oh, something new! Let’s figure it out.”

You meet new people.

You communicate.

You build connections.

You learn how the system works.

And after a few days, you realize that this entire world is suddenly becoming familiar.

It fits into the palm of your hand.

You can navigate it.

It’s not scary.

It’s simply different.

But if you shut yourself inside your apartment with the curtains drawn, communicate with only two people, and walk the same paths every day, then of course everything will feel frightening.

Even a phone call from a stranger can make you tremble.

That’s not because you’re weak.

It’s because your muscle of independence and adaptability simply hasn’t been trained.

But muscles can be trained.

Every single day.

Even if it’s something as small as choosing a new soap for your shower or reading a book in a genre you’ve never tried before.

Start.

And in a month, you’ll be amazed at how easily you handle things that once would have sent you into a panic.

You will become someone who isn’t afraid of losing a job, a home, or a relationship—because you know that wherever you end up, you can create something new.

That is true freedom.

5. Procrastination and Apathy: A Cry from the Soul That You’re Living Someone Else’s Life

What do you do when you have no energy, when you’re constantly procrastinating, when every day feels like a battle, and you can’t even get yourself off the couch?

You constantly want to be lazy, escape from your responsibilities, scroll through social media, or simply stare at the ceiling.

You practically have to drag yourself up by the hair like a stubborn goat just to get something done.

Every action feels impossible.

You grit your teeth.

You resist yourself every step of the way.

There is one simple way to describe this:

You’re living a life that isn’t yours.

Your soul has already left.

Your body is simply dragging itself forward out of inertia.

And if you want to change this, you need to stop and honestly, without any sugarcoating, ask yourself:

“What am I actually doing with my life? What brings me joy?”

If you think about it and find very little, if you realize that most of your actions are obligations that exhaust you until there’s nothing left, then the answer is obvious.

Imagine your morning.

The alarm rings, and you hate it like an enemy.

You put on clothes you don’t actually want to wear, but the ones that are simply “there” and “not worth ruining.”

You squeeze onto an overcrowded subway or bus, being shaken around while breathing in the smell of strangers.

You go to a job that hasn’t brought you joy or meaning for three years.

You drag your children to a daycare you never even chose.

In other words, you are building your own personal hell with your own hands.

And of course, you don’t want to wake up to that kind of life.

Your body is actually wiser than you are.

It’s telling you:

“Why should I get up if all that’s waiting for me is suffering?”