Tomorrow must be

Ulyana Mirova

Tomorrow must be

Prologue

…Rage consumed the inmates. They knocked the radio from his hands and began savagely beating him with rods and clubs. Even after he fell, they didn’t stop.

He tried to reason with them, shouted for them to stop, but they couldn’t hear him. They beat him, beat him, kicked him.

Some inmates were replaced by others. And again, over and over. Beating, beating, kicking.

The snow began turning red with his blood, but that only excited them further. They beat him, beat him, beat him.

He was no longer resisting. The marks of boots crushed his skull until it became as soft as the ground beneath him. And still they beat him, beat him, beat him. They couldn’t stop. In that moment, he seemed to them the embodiment of hell on earth.

It felt like an eternity had passed. In reality, only a few minutes had gone by.

The surveillance operator watched the murder unfold helplessly, tears streaming down her face. All she could do was frantically call the administration, call for ambulances, scream over the radio to the duty shift, and document, document, document. She could do nothing for him. She could no longer help him in any way.

He lay motionless in the snow, blood spreading beneath his head. And his tormentors, tired of kicking the lifeless body, abandoned him and rushed off in search of new victim.

Loud shouting drew inmates from the other units, and as they ran outside, they saw the duty officer’s body frozen motionless on the cold ground. Seeing him, they spat on him and mocked him.

And not a single soul on that parade ground pitied him in that moment. Not one.

And at that very moment, one pair of eyes watched the savage crowd through tears so thick they could barely see.

When the back of the last inmate disappeared into the darkness, she, against every instruction, ran across the parade ground without a thought for herself. She completely forgot about herself, about what those children of yesterday, who had turned into wild beasts today, could do to her. She thought only that she might still help the man who had already lain motionless for half an hour.

Reaching him, she dropped to her knees beside him, sliding her uniform jacket beneath his head. She wiped the blood from his hair and kept stroking, stroking his head in a kind of numb trance.

Even the weather seemed to pity her grief. Large snowflakes began falling onto the blood-soaked snow, covering the blood with their delicate white purity. She stared at the scene as if hypnotized, unable to tear her eyes away. Then some force pulled her out of that stupor, and she came to her senses.

The decision came instantly. Where did such strength come from in that thin little body? She grabbed him under the arms from behind and dragged him across the parade ground. I need to get him somewhere safe, I need to save him at all costs. He’s alive – she was absolutely certain of it.

He can’t die.

The same season, the same snow, the same trees… If he died, there would be nothing: not the snow, not the trees. Nothing at all.

It was the first time she had ever seen death so close, and she couldn’t accept it. She had simply worked with him; he wasn’t someone close to her. But in that moment, there was no one in the world closer than him.

A hundred meters across the parade ground… If you walked it normally, it was only a couple of minutes. But dragging such a heavy, and yet so precious cargo… There’s no way to leave him.

God, it feels like an eternity. The tears were gone now, frozen into icy crystals on her cheeks. Rage at the whole situation gave her strength. And finally, there it was – the desperately awaited door to the control room.

Dragging him up the stairs, holding his head, tearing the gloves off her frozen, unresponsive fingers as she moved, she slipped the gloves beneath his head so it wouldn’t rest on the cold concrete floor.

Unlocking the door, she used the last of her strength to pull him into the duty office.

Now I just need to make him comfortable and wait for the ambulance. He’s strong. He will definitely wait it out…

Part 1. A Shadow Behind the Back

Chapter 1. Happenstance

Employment for Federal Penitentiary Service has tons of reasons.

First of all, the possibility of employment without experience. Many people struggle to find a good job, not part-time jobs as courier, order collector, waiter but work in the specialty exactly. Who needs you without experience? Who would want to teach someone from scratch? Employers want everything at once – a “work horse”, to lock up and go.

Secondly, the stability. Reasons for being absent from work don’t matter, illness or vacation, you get paid at the same time every month. Stability is the same, without any KPI. However, there is a kind of KPI, called «Wage premium for complexity and tension». Fifty percent wage premium is payable, the remaining seventy: at the discretion of management, which decides how hard you work while performing your duty.

Thirdly, the seniority. Service here counts as one and a half years for every year, making it possible to retire after twelve and a half years of duty. Receiving so-called pension for years of service and be free to work wherever the heart desires. Or don’t work at all. Of course, to earn it, you have to forget your own time, forget about loved ones, and remember only where you serve, and for what cause.

Not one of those reasons was mine. I had ended up here by accident and never meant to stay for long.

The employment without experience? I had an offer to stay at the university department after graduating. At the time, I thought it was all decided. I would go to graduate school while doing what I loved.

The stability? But I don’t need money.

The seniority? Huh, I didn’t have any thoughts about earning a pension. I was just graduating from university, I have my whole life ahead of me. A pension? What are you talking about? Oh, please!

People around me couldn’t understand me. I moved to small town, and took a job at juvenile correctional facility. How someone as promising as me could abandon plans for higher study and a brilliant future?

Only one person knew what happened. The reason of my sudden departure to the middle of nowhere.

Chapter 2. Running Away

…I was so happy a half of a year ago.

I was going to continue my education at graduate school after graduating from university. I was going to get a job at the department, it would even be more comfortable. Work and study can be combined.

The apartment I was meant to move into had just been newly renovated.

I was seeing the best man in the world, and I had real, far-reaching plans for us.

The preparation for my state exams drained me so completely that I failed to notice, at first, how Darling had vanished from my horizon.

One evening, lingering late in the library, I decided to walk home. It was warm, almost like summer, dusk was setting in, and the walk home along the embankment was pure pleasure.

I walked on, thinking about how my adult life would soon begin. I was looking forward to the adult life with eager anticipation. I was drawing colorful paintings of the adult life in my head. Then familiar voice broke into my visions. I listened closely. The voice came from the bottom of the embankment. Another voice, soft and melodic, threaded itself though the sounds of the voice.

I stopped. I’ve never did so. But now I had to see who have that familiar voice belonged to.

I approached the railing and looked down. On the lower level, a couple of a young man and a young woman stood with their backs to me, leaning on the railing. The scene radiated tenderness. Any other time I would admire it, I would have been happy for them. But today I stood after seeing the woman’s partner. I would recognize this silhouette of a million male silhouettes.

I ran home without paying attention to the road. How could he? How could he do this to me? Tears streamed down my face.

How low.

How cruel.

How painful.

By the time I reached home, the only person I told that was my mother.

For so many years, she supported me, listened to me, felt sorry for me. I ran to her with all my troubles and my joys.

Now, when sky fell on me, she was the only one I told.

I didn’t want to find out anything.

I simply decided to leave his life silently, without a single word.

Of course, he tried to get through, but I didn’t pick up the phone. He tried to wait for me outside the university. But when I saw him I went to the library and stayed up late. He tried to find me at home. But every time my mother told him that I was away. Days passed, then weeks and it seemed to me that he had given up.

After struggling through my exams and defending my thesis, I moved to small, unmarkable city, whose beauty I had heard from my mates.

I needed a small break.

It was hard to be with him at the same city. To run into him unexpectedly somewhere and listen to his excuses would be disgusting. So, my mother supported my decision.

I rented an apartment overlooking the park. I spent hours walking through it and watching the ducks on the pond. I was watching other people’s leisurely walks. I was pictured the life they must be leading – full and happy. My heart was full of joy for them, and the anticipation of something good that would surely come into my life.

With each passing day, my memories of him faded in color and took on more blurred outlines.

At first, I went away for the summer. As summer was moving into autumn, I realized that I can’t bear to come back. I can’t bear to see those streets that we waked in. I can’t bear to stay in my room at me parents’ home where I so often waited for him. I can’t bear to breathe the air we once shared together.

My mother understood my condition. Of course, she was upset because I wasn’t there, but my peace of mind was much more important for her.

That’s how I ended up far from home, cut off from my surroundings.

A little later, deciding to stay in this city, I started looking for work. Of course, at first my first impulse was to get a job at school, but I wanted to change everything in my life. I wanted to erase the past that was somehow connected with him. That’s why I began to consider some incredible options for myself.

I thought that by changing everything: city, sphere of activity and being away from Him, I might finally come to terms with what happened.

So, when I saw a vacancy in the local newspaper, I started to think about it. A job of an inspector at the correctional facility seemed like a dream. It was something entirely new to me, both alluring and frightening me at the same time. And without thinking long, I made my decision.

Chapter 3. A Stranger

Autumn as autumn. The wind, the fallen leaves caught in the frost, rustle and break under the feet. The snow isn’t in a hurry this year either. It was cold and drizzled. For a sheepskin - early, for an autumn jacket - it was cold.

Warm and flushed after my morning run, I savored a crisp cheese toast, reflecting on my independent adult life.

Several months have passed since I moved to this city. I started getting used to the streams of water after the rain, rushing noisily along the green, wide streets and drying right before my eyes. I started getting used to the chorus of birds outside my window from early morning and the calm, measured rhythm of a small town.

I started getting used to the life without Him, such a dear person to me.

To keep myself busy, I visited the swimming pool several evenings a week. I liked that it was especially crowded here in the evenings. So, I felt like I’m not alone.

One of those evenings, I was returning home, strolling leisurely toward the pedestrian crossing. As soon as I stepped on it, a car passed by, splashing me with mud that hadn’t yet frozen and was covered in ice.

I paused in disbelief, looking at my clothes. Confusion was written on my face. Who is in such a hurry this evening, not paying attention to pedestrians? Feeling uneasy, I walked along the pedestrian crossing to further down the block towards home. Before I had time to cross the road, I saw a car that had just splattered me with dirt. It was moving backwards, heading towards me with hazard lights turned on.

Well, enough is enough! I was outraged. As if getting me dirty wasn’t enough, does he also want to crash me? I deliberately ignored him and sped up.

“Miss,” I heard a voice from the side of the car. Few people nowadays use this word.

“Miss, please, wait!”

It caught my interest.

“Are you talking to me?”, I said it out loud, turning my head to him.

“Yes, yes! Miss, I’m sorry!”

The tall, well-dressed man stepped out of the car and headed towards me. A light mid-line on cut temples told his age.

“I was completely awkward and splashed you,” he said, his smooth-shaven face reflecting sincere regret.

“Of course, that’s not an excuse! I’m sorry again!' He put his hand on his chest, slightly bowing his head.”

Oh, I forgave him even when he was just starting to speak. How sweetly he sings. It’s impossible not to get lost in it.

“Allow me to take you home,” he said.

What? Take me home? Did I hear that right? I don’t even know him, and suddenly he wants to give me a ride! No, of course not! I’ll walk perfectly fine on my own! Sure, he’s polite and pleasant to talk to, but…

I declined politely and, saying I was expected, walked away.

I was walking and reflecting on this man. Communication that wasn’t made at the very beginning left such a pleasant memory at the end.

During breaks between medical examinations, psychological testing, and waiting for the results of various checks, I looked forward to starting work. I eagerly read specialized literature on crisis psychology and aggression management. I believed that this knowledge could be useful when working with adolescents in detention

Back then, I couldn’t even imagine what I would encounter in reality.

By November, I was already doing an internship as an inspector in the educational department of the juvenile correctional facility. Irina, whom I had met during the hiring process and who had a medical background, was interning in the medical unit.

We had less free time, but despite that, we often spent our evenings together.

Trying to drown off loneliness, we kept each other company: going out to a cafe for a meal or staying home, over a cup of tea or something stronger. We shared little women’s things and secrets, discussed work matters, or simply gossiped.

At last, my life gained a calm, measured rhythm.

Settling into the correctional facility, I opened a new chapter of my life.

My new job seemed very interesting to me. I wanted to go through all the documentation, understand where each number came from, and grasp the important role our department played. There was so much I wanted to accomplish, and yet so few working hours in the week.

But staying late at work was only possible with an official order from the boss for overtime. The head of HR strictly enforces this rule. So, I had to make do with my regular working hours.

Soon, it would be New Year. In the institution, all holidays are usually celebrated by the entire staff, and this occasion was no exception. I reluctantly agreed to attend the office party, unlike Irina. She loves such events. Perhaps I agreed only because of her.

Chapter 4. Hometown Сold

In the run-up to the New Year holidays, I finally decided to visit my hometown for the first time in a long time.

In my heart, there was a strong sense of the New Year’s miracle and I wanted to see my loved ones. Seeing ex Darling wasn’t in my plans in that hoping for that New Year’s miracle.

Mom was happy with my decision and went to make the cake I loved, and dad decided to cook fish according to a special recipe for this occasion. My family’s chores were organized. Only my arriving was left. I decided to come on the weekend before the office party. And, having packed my bag, I left on the scheduled day.

Hometown met me with winter’s cold and holiday-themed streets. As I stepped out of the train, it felt like I had never left this place.

My beloved city, everything feels so familiar, so close! My dad waved at me as he came to meet me. It was only a short drive home, and my mom was waiting for me there.

Such a warm welcome… how long had it been since I had seen them? Half a year? More? But none of it mattered anymore. I’m home. I’m home again. Maybe I should come back for good, if it feels this right to be here? With such bright, hopeful thoughts, I fell asleep in my favorite bed, hugging my teddy bear.

The next day flew by, and I found myself growing more certain about my decision to return. And why not? A job? I would find one back home. An apartment? It was waiting for me. Lost in these cheerful thoughts, I went out for a walk before bed.

Tomorrow. I will make my final decision tomorrow. In any case, whether I choose to continue working or to quit, I will have to go back to that small town.

As I walked, I wondered how Irina would react to my news.

I walked along, taking in the decorated houses, catching snowflakes on my lips as they fell so beautifully over the city. I passed one street, then another, then a third. I hadn’t even expected to wander so far on my walk.

I looked around for a bus stop. My feet were starting to freeze, and I didn’t want to get cold. Not seeing any stop nearby, I slipped into a bakery that caught my eye.

A cup of hot tea and a sweet bun would brighten my evening. As I placed my order, I looked around for a place to sit. And then my gaze fell on a familiar back. It slid lower. And lower still. I recognized the clothes, on a body I knew all too well.

Flushing, I left my tea and bun right at the counter and rushed out, not caring where I was going. I no longer needed a bus stop. I just needed to get home, to my room, to hide under the covers and drive that image out of my mind.

Of course, there was no longer any question of moving back. I left the city as soon as the new day began.

For the rest of my day off, I could think of nothing else but what might have happened if we had come face to face. I might have completely lost my composure, bursting into tears like a child. How lucky I was to slip out of that bakery unnoticed.

Chapter 5 New Year’s Fuss

The dining room that located in a controlled territory of the correctional facility was allocated for the New Year’s office party. The tables were arranged evenly across the hall, placing all kinds of food on them. At the end of the room, a space was reserved for dancing. In the same place there was musical equipment. Special event host was invited for the evening.

Waiting for the beginning, I went out of the dining room and headed to the window, to the opposite end of the corridor. I was eagerly waiting for Irina who was late. All workers had already taken their seats, so I could enjoy the music emanating from the dining room alone.

When I heard footsteps from the side of the stairs, I turned my head in surprise and saw a stranger I knew.

“You?”, I looked in surprise at the man, who had smeared dirt on me at the pedestrian crossing and so gallantly proposed to take me home a couple of months ago.

He was no less surprised by the meeting:

“You?”

“How did you get here?”, I asked.

A rather mixed crowd had gathered at the office party: people’s husbands, people’s wives. Perhaps he had come with someone.

“No, not at all!”, he dismissed my assumption, which, apparently, I had voiced out loud.

I was ready to sink through the floor with embarrassment. He either didn’t notice my confusion or chose to ignore it and went on:

“I’m here completely by chance. I was just passing by on business and ended up at your celebration.”

An awkward pause followed. The head of the correctional facility, who was coming down right behind him, saved the situation. He called out to my companion and asking him to follow.

The evening was opened by the warden. He delivered a formal speech, summing up the year. After congratulating everyone on the upcoming New Year, he gave the floor to the man sitting with him at a separate table, my familiar stranger.

As he stood up to speak, Irina nudged me in the side and, leaning close to my ear, whispered:

“Look who’s here. It’s Gorin.”

I didn’t know who Gorin is, what I told about. I only realized that he was from the Main Department.

“You don’t know him?”, Irina was really surprised.

“He comes to us all the time. It’s the first deputy!”, she said it as if she were revealing that he was God himself, no less.

I have no idea why we didn’t meet earlier at the facility. But now, at least I understood from where he was driving, when he smeared dirt on me on that day.

A program of the evening was interesting: contests, various competitions, toasts, congratulations - everything was mixed up. It added charm to the event

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched the warden and his guest engaged in an important conversation at a separate table.

A slightly drunk guy from the security department approached me, asking me to dance. Not wanting to offend him with a refusal, I agreed, though I felt no pleasure at all. He breathed heavily, reeking of alcohol right into my face.

When the dance ended, I returned to my seat, only to find him suddenly sitting beside me at the table. His presence made me uncomfortable. I got up and headed toward my office, glancing back to make sure he wasn’t following me.

I almost managed to get away, but on my way back, I ran straight into him. Seeing me, he lit up and reached out for me, swaying drunkenly and inviting me to drink with him, bruderschaft.

I was disgusted by the smell of alcohol coming from him, disgusted by his touch, and especially nasty was his offer.

I turned to his face, bracing my hands against his chest, and firmly told that I wouldn’t go anywhere with him.

He didn’t understand my words and tried to hug my waist.

The mood was totally ruined.

I was looking for Irina. When I saw that she was dancing cheerfully to the upbeat music, I went over to her, and said that I was leading home.

She walked me to the exit, and I went to the bus stop.

It was already dark, and I walked slowly on the poorly lit road. Cars rushed by, blinding me with their headlights.

Hearing the call, I took the call without looking at phone screen. I immediately regretted it hearing the guy’s voice.

Not wanting to continue the conservation, I wished him a good evening and hung up. But he kept calling me back. His persistence was unpleasant to me, so I silenced my phone.

Another car pulled up beside me, its headlights illuminating me before stopping. I tried to walk around it, but Gorin’s voice, directed at me, made me stop.