In Devil's Hands

Jeannette's eyes widen with surprise and fear.

Daniel leans closer, his lips almost brushing her ear.

"But don't be too scared, Jeanette."

Reluctantly, he pulls away, his hands sliding lightly down her shoulders. Unnoticed, his warm palms move to her waist. Daniel looms over her, still seated on the chair, trapped in the cage of his arms, his breath, his presence.

"I can promise you'll like it even if it hurts a little."

Jeannette jumps up from her seat and steps away from him. Her heart pounds wildly in her chest, beating out an alarm. Loudly. Her eyes are wide with fear and confusion.

"What are you doing?!" she bursts out. "This is... this is..."

Jeannette chokes on her indignation and anger at how her body reacted to his touch.

Daniel chuckles and shoves his hands into his trouser pockets.

"This?.. What this?"

He walks slowly towards her, tilting his head slightly and looking at her from under his brows.

"What am I doing?.. I'm touching you because I can."

He steps closer, leans in even more, his lips almost touching her forehead.

"And because I want to," he takes a deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent of her perfume.

Daniel takes another step, standing almost flush against Jeanette. He presses her against the edge of the desk, both hands resting on either side of her hips — a trap. He leans over her, voice rough and low:

"You're afraid because you feel," his breath scorches the skin on her neck.

Jeannette freezes. Her fingers clench into fists, but her body treacherously leans towards him.

"And your body already knows the truth," he pulls back slightly, making her feel the loss of warmth. "It wants what you're afraid to give yourself. To allow."

A pause. He looks into her eyes — without pity, without doubt.

"But not today Jeanette. Not until you say, I want."

She flinches, as if struck. Her throat goes dry.

He takes a slow step back.

"And when you do it, I'll be faster than thought. Are you ready?"

This is madness...

Jeanette shakes her head, squeezing her eyes shut tightly.

"I'd better go. And I'm sorry for bothering you all these days."

Daniel doesn't try to stop her. He just stands there, arms crossed, watching her grip her bag tightly — as if trying to hold herself together and protect herself.

"Bothered?.."

He chuckles — quietly, almost cruelly.

"You didn't bother me. You came. And thats a start."

He takes a step towards the window, where the light is fading behind the cold glass.

"Go if you think you can forget this day. Forget the touch. Forget my voice forget the warmth that ran through your body."

He presses his lips together and takes a deep breath before shooting Jeanette a quick glance. He could see her perfectly in the reflection. But he wanted to savour the fear and rejection in her eyes.

"Just stop lying to yourself. I'm sure you'll be back tomorrow. Because you want more."

Jeanette glances at the heavy office door, seizes the freedom offered to her and flees.

Yes, I'm running away — and and I'm not coming back. Enough. Enough. I'll just leave everything as it is. To hell with it. To hell!

The door closes softly. The click of Jeanettes heels shatters the lingering silence. Daniel doesn't turn around right away. He stands with his back to the exit, hands behind his back, as if counting the losers moves in a game.

"Eight steps" he says quietly to himself. "She stopped. Hmm... Doubts? Interesting."

Then he slowly turns to face the door, tucks his hands into his trouser pockets and smirks slightly.

"But tomorrow she'll give me another step, then another one"

He walks over to the desk, picks up the sheet with her list, and runs his finger over the first item: "A gentle kiss from him."

"I never promised to be gentle"

A whisper:

"But I'll give you a kiss. When you ask for it yourself."

Jeanette

I hurried down the evening street, wrapping myself tighter in my coat. The block twinkled with the yellow lights of streetlamps, but they offered no warmth.

His voice echoed in my head over and over again: I'll take advantage and you'll give inI shook my head, as if trying to shake off a spell. I needed to get a grip. Heres home. My daughter and Paul are waiting for me there. I believe that. I can't be alive only with Daniel... I can't

"Where have you been?!" Paul stepped out of the kitchen, hands on his hips. "Do you even know what time it is? Half past ten at night! Did you forget about the kid? Who's going to feed her? The fridge is completely empty." He waved his hand vaguely in some direction.

"I... I just had a session with a psychiatrist" I took off my halfboots and hung my coat in the hallway closet. "I'll cook something now."

Without changing my clothes, I head into the kitchen and wash my hands in hot water. Theyre shaking. I'm afraid Paul will find out what kind of sessions I've really been having. I'm really afraid. I clench my hands into fists for a moment to steady the trembling.

"Mum! Look, we've got to colour in a map — will you help me later? It's for tomorrow. I have to hand it in tomorrow." Lily grabs my wrist with her warm little hand and shows me the outline map in the atlas.

"All right," I try to respond in the moment, but my thoughts keep drifting back to Daniel's office.

"First, Mum needs to make us something to eat. By the way, I even washed the dishes." Paul gives me a cold look.

"Huh?" Only now do I notice the sink is sparkling clean.

He really did wash the dishes.

"Thanks. I'll be quick."

I decide to whip up an omelette with vegetables. As I'm dishing out the omelette onto plates, Daniel's words echo in my head again: You'll give in because you're tired of being alone.

I look at Paul — his lips are moving, but the words don't register in my mind.

Yes, I'm tired. But could he ever understand that?

The family gathers for a very late dinner. Paul grumbles that it's not what he was hoping for, but it'll do. Lily happily tucks into the omelette.

"Mum, let's go and look at the map — I'm getting sleepy."

"Let's go, Lily."

"I'm off to bed," Paul says and heads to the bedroom.

To his bedroom. He's been sleeping separately for about ten years now. Yes. I don't sleep with him. I make excuses that he snores at night and that Lily's still scared to sleep alone. In reality, I just don't know where I belong in this house.

I check Lily's map, we wash up and go to bed. My daughter falls asleep almost immediately, hugging me tightly and nuzzling her nose into my shoulder.

Her breathing becomes steady and warm. I stroke her hair, inhaling the scent of her child's skin. For a moment, the wo