Designer of life: 70 golden rules of deep transformation. A practical guide to mindfulness. Will replace years of spiritual seeking

Designer of life: 70 golden rules of deep transformathion

A practical guide to mindfulness. Will replace years of spiritual seeking

Irina Zakharchenko

© Irina Zakharchenko, 2026

ISBN 978-5-0069-0844-4

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Expert Reviews

Review by Irina A. Kairova, PhD in Philosophy, Associate Professor of the Public Relations Department at Don State Technical University (DSTU), Master of Psychology

“I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become.”

– C. G. Jung

Dear readers, I am incredibly happy for you!

The fact that you are holding this book in your hands means one thing: you are already on the right path to your true self. You are ready to make your life conscious, which is a direct road to self-respect, self-acceptance, and genuine happiness.

In the modern world, oversaturated with information about personal growth, finding a clear and reliable guide is becoming increasingly difficult. Against this backdrop, Irina Zakharchenko’s book, Life Designer, is a true breath of fresh air. The uniqueness of this work lies in its bold and, most importantly, harmonious synthesis of three key pillars of knowledge: evidence-based approaches from modern psychology, profound philosophical principles underlying world wisdom, and, what is especially valuable, personal, lived experience.

The author masterfully builds a bridge between what was long considered esoteric and what is now confirmed by empirical science. As someone with a background in philosophy, I see in this book a modern interpretation of the eternal questions of free will, responsibility, and the search for meaning. As a psychologist, I highly value its foundation in proven concepts such as neuroplasticity, cognitive psychology, and positive psychology, which gives each rule scientific weight and practical validity.

The author presents readers with 70 concise rules, supporting them with real-life examples, which turns reading into a fascinating process. The idea of an “instruction manual for life” is a brilliant approach in terms of communication with the reader. It removes the fear of the large and complex topic of self-development and makes complex concepts accessible to the widest audience, including teenagers, for whom such a guide can become an invaluable support at the start of their adult lives.

The importance of the principles and rules collected here is confirmed by the words of the great psychologist and founder of logotherapy, Viktor Frankl: “We should not ask what we can expect from life, but rather, ‘What does Life expect from us?’” The rules in this book will become a compass to help find the answer to this question.

I confidently recommend Life Designer to anyone who is tired of anxiety and uncertainty and is ready to take up the “designer’s tools” to create their own happy Future!

I wish the author and her book an interesting and bright path!

I. A. Kairova

Review by Olga S. Vasilyeva, PhD in Biology, Professor of the Department of General and Educational Psychology at the Academy of Psychology and Pedagogy, Southern Federal University (SFU), Head of the Continuing Professional Development Program “Health Psychology”

Irina Zakharchenko’s book, Life Designer: 70 Golden Rules, is a unique combination of a scientific approach, deep personal experience, and practical tools aimed at developing mindfulness and strengthening a person’s psychological well-being.

The author consistently and accessibly reveals the fundamental principles that govern Life and shows how these principles are confirmed by modern psychological research. Of particular importance is the emphasis on mindfulness as a key personal resource: the book presents numerous practices that allow the reader not only to better understand themselves but also to change their perception of life.

The book’s special value is enhanced by its reliance on the author’s own scientific research on the relationship between the level of mindfulness and life satisfaction, self-actualization, and anxiety levels, which serves as living proof of the effectiveness of the proposed tools.

The writing style is clear and concise: the material will be equally useful for specialists in the field of psychology and for a wide range of readers, including teenagers. A strong point of the book is its practical orientation – the proposed exercises and techniques are easily integrated into daily life.

Irina Zakharchenko’s book is of undeniable value for both personal growth and the professional practice of psychologists and educators. It can be recommended for use in educational programs, emotional intelligence development courses, and personal growth trainings.

Overall, this work is a holistic and deeply thoughtful study that offers practical benefits and inspires positive change.

With deep respect and best wishes on your unique life path!

O. S. Vasilyeva

Introduction

Dear Friend,

Have you ever wondered why even the simplest devices, like a coffee grinder, always come with an instruction manual, but the most complex and important “device” – our Life – does not? We spend years learning to use technology, yet no one has ever taught us how to live our own Life. We have to figure it out as we go: through trial and error, by listening to others’ advice that doesn’t always suit us.

This book is that very instruction manual that will help you become a conscious designer of your own reality. Step by step, by following the simple yet important principles of depth psychology, you will notice how everything gradually begins to change: your attitude toward yourself, your loved ones, your work – and the world as a whole.

My goal is not to change the world, for the Universe is always in perfect balance, and each of us is exactly where we are meant to be. My goal is to share with you powerful tools of mindfulness. They have helped me and my clients, and I believe they will help you too to cope with fears, anxiety, overcome depression, and live in harmony with yourself.

The natural aspiration of every human being is the pursuit of Beauty. And this is not just about aesthetics, but a deep spiritual quest, for it is “Beauty that will save the world,” as the great thinker Fyodor Dostoevsky asserted. My entire life has been dedicated to this creative pursuit, but in different dimensions. As a fashion designer, I worked with external beauty, transforming a person’s image and influencing their self-perception. As an interior and landscape designer, I created harmony in the environment, contributing to a change in worldview through contemplation. Now, as a psychologist, I am engaged with the deepest, spiritual Beauty – a person’s inner world, their self-acceptance, and happiness.

I have tried to present everything as briefly and clearly as possible so that the book is understandable to a wide audience, including teenagers from the age of 12 who are just beginning their amazing journey. For them, it will become a valuable guidepost that will help build a solid foundation for their own happiness.

On the following pages, you will discover valuable rules that will show you the path to inner freedom and joy. You, too, can become a designer of your own life. You already have everything you need for this – you just need to learn how to use it.

With love and faith in you,

Irina Zakharchenko

Chapter 1. The Universe

The Universe is the all-encompassing structure of being, which includes the physical, spiritual, and energetic laws that govern existence. It encompasses the material world, human consciousness, and the higher principles that guide the development of all that is.

Rule 1. Like Attracts Like

“With the law of attraction, your thoughts are like a boomerang: whatever boomerang you throw, the exact same boomerang will return to you.”

– Rhonda Byrne

This rule, often called the Law of Attraction, states that we attract into our lives whatever we focus our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs on. By concentrating on positivity, joy, and gratitude, we attract similar situations. Conversely, a constant focus on negativity and fear attracts trouble and disappointment. It is important to understand that this law is not a magical formula for fulfilling wishes. Rather, it reflects how our mindset and emotional state influence our actions, which, in turn, shape our reality.

Research in positive psychology1, particularly the work of Martin Seligman, shows that qualities like optimism (which is directly linked to focusing on the positive and believing in a favorable outcome) correlate with better life outcomes. Optimistic people are more likely to persevere in achieving their goals, cope more effectively with stress, and demonstrate better physical health and overall well-being.

This rule manifests in all areas of life. In relationships: if you are convinced that “people can’t be trusted,” your behavior will push away honest people and attract those who confirm your fears. At work, a person with a “scarcity mindset” focuses on problems, is afraid to act, and ultimately remains in a state of lack. In health, it shows up like this: a constant fear of getting sick creates chronic stress, which weakens the immune system. In daily life, your inner state works like a radio receiver: if you’re tuned to the frequency of irritation, you will only notice rudeness; if you’re tuned to the frequency of gratitude, you will notice a passerby’s smile and the beautiful weather on the same day. The world doesn’t change – what you are tuned to perceive changes. Your inner vibration, your state of mind, is your main tool for creation.

A real-life example. When I had my own sewing and clothing repair shop, for some reason, I was terrified of a tax audit. It wasn’t that I had problems with my documents; I was just afraid they would find something to nitpick, and I didn’t want to pay fines out of my small profit. And, of course, a few days later, an employee would inform me of an audit. I would go and resolve the issue. In essence, nothing terrible ever happened: they issued recommendations that needed to be followed within a certain timeframe, and that was it. This experience became a confirmation of this rule for me: thoughts and worries can create and attract specific situations.

With my fear and anxiety, I was essentially “attracting” the very thing I wanted to avoid. I was mentally focused on problems with the tax office, and this led to an audit. This is a classic example of a self-fulfilling prophecy: we believe so strongly in a certain outcome that we unconsciously contribute to its realization. Each of us can find similar examples in our own lives. But there is a positive side to this rule: if we can attract what we fear, it means we can also attract what we desire (we’ll talk more about this in Chapter 9). Understanding this rule is the path to consciously creating your reality.

To learn how to apply this rule to attract pleasant moments into your life, you can use the “Positive Affirmations” technique. Affirmations are short, positive statements that you repeat regularly to program your subconscious for success.

• Formulate affirmations in the present tense, as if what you desire has already happened. For example:

– “I am wealthy and prosperous!”

– “I am healthy and full of energy!”

• Choose affirmations that evoke positive emotions in you and that you can believe in. Do not use statements that seem implausible to you (see Appendix 3 for a full list of affirmations).

• Write down your affirmations. This will help you remember them better and focus on them. When you repeat your affirmations, imagine that what you desire has already come true – visualize the image and feel the emotions that arise.

• Repeat your affirmations regularly, preferably several times a day, in the morning after waking up and in the evening before bed. You can say them out loud or to yourself.

• Remember that belief is the key ingredient for success. Believe that your affirmations are working, and you will surely see results.

The rule “like attracts like” is a powerful tool for creating the life you want. By changing your mindset and emotional state, you can change your reality. If you control your thoughts and emotions, you control the circumstances they attract.

Rule 2. The Outer World = The Inner World

“What you see in others exists in yourself.” – Carl Jung

This rule states that everything we see and experience in the external world is a reflection of our inner thoughts and beliefs. Our internal perceptual filters literally shape our reality. If we experience a lot of negativity inside, we tend to see more negativity around us. Conversely, if we are filled with love and gratitude, the world seems kinder and more beautiful to us. This phenomenon is studied within cognitive therapy, which proves that our thoughts and emotions influence how we interpret events.

Modern research in neurobiology and the concept of neuroplasticity scientifically confirm how our brain forms these very “perceptual filters” based on our experiences and emotional state. As neuroscientist Norman Doidge describes in detail in his book, our brain is not a fixed structure; it is capable of physically changing and reorganizing itself throughout life in response to new experiences.2

This means that when we constantly focus on certain thoughts (for example, worrying about the future), the corresponding neural pathways in our brain are strengthened. The brain literally “tunes in” to these signals. Such connections become habitual “perceptual filters” through which we begin to automatically interpret new information. If our brain is “tuned” to anxiety, it will be more inclined to look for potential threats in the external world, even if they are minor. Thus, our inner state and experiences literally rewire the architecture of the brain, creating biased ways of perceiving that determine how we see and experience the external world.

A real-life example. I came to this realization at 49, when terrible events began to repeat in my life. Not even two years after a knife wound and surgery, another man in another country held a huge knife to me. In that moment, of course, I wasn’t thinking that it was a reflection of my inner state – in such stressful situations, it’s hard to assess anything soberly. The realization came later: if a situation with a knife is repeating, the cause must be within me.

Even after moving to another continent, to America, I couldn’t escape myself, because I brought my inner state with me. These events showed me just how much stress I had put myself under, how much I had stopped listening to my heart. This became the impetus for self-discovery and studying my emotional states. I started by analyzing which news, TV shows, and movies made me feel comfortable and which made me feel bad. In the end, I stopped watching news channels, reading news online, and watching thrillers. Not because I don’t care, but because I don’t want to live in constant anxiety. Now I try to choose information that gives me resources, rather than taking them away.

Such drastic measures helped me stop “getting stuck” in negative states. At first, breaking old habits was not easy. My hand would automatically reach for the remote to turn on the TV news. And this is where you have to tell yourself:

– “Stop! I don’t want to live the old way anymore!”

After these words, I would resolutely put the remote down and go do something else: read an interesting book or watch an educational video to learn something new. I suddenly had a lot of free time, and in the fall and winter of 2016, I watched YouTube tutorials on how to build a house – after all, that had once been my dream.

Spring came, and I started building a house based on my own design (workers did the construction, and I supervised the process), as my first degree is in civil engineering. My new habits are still with me, and I feel good and calm with them. In my new reality, there are no more threats with knives and constant tension. I transformed my inner content, and Life reflected these changes in the external world. You can do it too, I sincerely believe in you.

To apply this rule, start with the “Inner World Analysis” technique. This practice will help you better understand the connection between your inner state and external events, identify patterns, and learn to manage your perception.

• Define a period for analysis (e.g., one day or one week). It’s convenient to do this analysis in a two-column table: in the first column, “Emotions and States,” and in the second, “Events and Actions.”

Example of filling out the table:

Step 1: Throughout the day – notice your emotions. When you notice an emotion, pause and ask yourself the main question:

– “What am I feeling right now?”

Simply name the emotion without judging it. This trains the “muscle” of mindfulness.

Step 2: At the end of the day – analyze the causes. Review your notes in the table and answer the next question:

– “Why did I feel this way?”

Try to see the connection between the event (column 2) and the emotion that arose (column 1).

Step 3: At the end of the week – draw conclusions. Analyze all your records for the week and answer the key questions:

– “What brings me joy, and what upsets me?”

– “What recurring situations do I notice?”

• Analyze the connections between the columns: which actions/events most often cause positive states, and which cause negative ones? Which habits (information consumption, social interactions) lead to the desired state, and which lead away from it? Use these conclusions to consciously change your habits in the future.

This principle is the key to managing your reality. By realizing that the external world is merely a reflection of your inner state, you stop being a victim of circumstances and become their creator. Working on your thoughts and emotions makes the world around you more harmonious. Start small – change one habitual thought – and you will see the world begin to change with you.

Rule 3. Everything in the World is Relative and Subjective

“In this world, there are no absolute truths, only different points of view.” – Albert Einstein

This rule suggests that there is no objective reality that is the same for everyone. Our perception of the world is colored by our personal experiences, beliefs, values, and cultural context. What seems good to one person may seem bad to another. What one person considers important, another may find insignificant. The idea of the relativity and subjectivity of our perception of the world has deep roots in both philosophy and science.

For example, Einstein’s theory of relativity showed that even such fundamental quantities as time and space are relative and depend on the observer. As the scientist himself joked, “When you sit with a pretty girl for an hour, you think it’s a minute. But let a minute seem like an hour when you sit on a hot stove. That’s relativity.”

In psychology, research in social perception confirms that our judgments about other people and situations are subjective and prone to various cognitive biases. Leading researchers in this field, psychologists Lee Ross and Richard Nisbett, demonstrated this convincingly in their work, The Person and the Situation.3 They showed how we often commit the fundamental attribution error, overestimating the role of personal traits while underestimating the powerful influence of the situation when explaining others’ behavior.

This research underscores that our perception is not objective. On the contrary, it is actively constructed by our mind, which relies on past experiences, beliefs, and various cognitive “filters.” Understanding these biases is important because it is our interpretations, not the events themselves, that influence our judgments and, consequently, our entire social reality.

This law applies to everyday life as well. What is a difficulty for one person is a trifle for another. For example, if I were to ask my audience to describe me, I would receive different answers. A stern person would see sternness in me, a kind person would see kindness, a cynical person would see cynicism. We perceive the world through the lens of our own experience, and everyone projects onto me the traits that exist within themselves. You cannot see in me what is not in you.

We often project our fears, expectations, and unaccepted parts of ourselves onto others. Someone who struggles with insecurity may see it even in a confident person. Someone who suffers from self-criticism will be particularly sensitive to criticism from others. This is why public opinion is so contradictory: the same person can seem gentle to some and harsh to others.

This explains why we react so strongly to certain traits in others – they reflect what we do not accept in ourselves. Irritation over someone else’s trait often says more about us than about them. Another person’s opinion does not carry an absolute assessment. Everything is relative. Our perception of happiness or problems depends on what or whom we compare ourselves to. This rule helps us realize that our Life depends on our frame of reference.

To apply this principle, use the “Objective Thinking” method. This practice will help you recognize the subjectivity of your perception and learn to see situations and people more objectively.

• When you encounter any information, situation, or person that triggers a strong, automatic reaction (judgment, strong disagreement, irritation), pay attention to that moment.

• Formulate and write down your first automatic judgment. For example:

– “I don’t like this person.”

– “This idea is stupid.”

• Critically analyze your automatic thoughts. Ask yourself the following questions:

– “What is my opinion based on?”

– “Can I trust the source of information my opinion is based on?”

– “What biases might be present in my perception of this situation (e.g., confirmation bias)?”

• Look at the situation from different perspectives. Ask yourself:

– “How would another person (with different beliefs, values, experience) view this?”

– “What are other possible explanations for this situation?”

– “Could there be other reasons that I’m not aware of?”

– “How have I acted in similar situations in the past?”

• Don’t cling to your initial beliefs. Be prepared for the possibility that your first perception was incomplete and distorted.

• Now that you have a deeper understanding of the situation, choose your next step. This could be a new attitude toward the person.

The law of relativity teaches us to see the world more broadly and to value our unique development. Stop comparing yourself to others and focus on your own progress. Your Life is your story, and every step of it is important. By freeing yourself from comparisons, you will find harmony and peace that will help you live with joy.

Rule 4. Everything Has Its Opposite

“Harmony is a combination of opposites.” – Aristotle

This law, known as the principle of polarity, states that everything in the world exists as pairs of opposites: day and night, hot and cold, good and evil, love and hate. These opposites are not absolute but rather represent two sides of the same coin. This principle is reflected in various philosophical and spiritual teachings, such as the Chinese philosophy of Yin and Yang.