Chelyabinsk Snowman

Sidorych. Yes, this is a robbery.

SIDORYCH

So. Release the post. Close the review.

Izya and Abram exchange glances.

SIDORYCH

Okay. 3000.

Abram and Izya take money out of their pockets and count.

ABRAM

Here. 2800. Not anymore.

The guard takes the money and the flash drive. He puts the money in the front pocket of his tunic, and puts the flash drive in the slot of the system unit.

SIDORYCH

What are we going to download?

IZYA AND ABRAM

Saturday. It's 9 a.m. Biology class. The camera on the back wall that looks at the board.

ABRAM

And the teacher's desk in close-up.

The guard looks at the monitor and scrolls.

SIDORYCH

O. Found it. Is this where an African woman spits into a glass?

IZYA

To the point.

IZYA

And how long?

ABRAM

Well, before the break.

SIDORYCH

Done.

Security guard Sidorych hands the flash drive to the students.

SIDORYCH

If you tell who? I'll bend it into a ram's horn.

IZYA

Well no. You're hurting me. Old.

SIDORYCH

Do you think I'm a dinosaur at all? Do you think I didn't understand that you're going to upload this video to Jupup or to Pick-A-Pok?

ABRAM

Yeah. To Jupup.

IZZY

AND Pick-A-Pok. On the radio.

SIDORYCH

And now let's get out of here soon.

ABRAM

Thank you, Grandfather.

Abram and Izya move away from the post to the exit.

**

San Sana calls the head teacher very late at night and laughs hysterically into the phone.

HEAD TEACHER (Off-screen)

(scared)

Are you feeling unwell? Who is it?

Finally, San Sana calms down, literally sobbing with joy.

SAN SANA

Margarita Petrovna, hello. It's me, Alexandra Bublikova. The notebooks were found.

HEAD TEACHER (Behind the scenes)

Yes? And where?

SAN SANA

You won't believe it in the freezer, where I just reached for a piece of fish.

memory

San Sana, comes home with a bag of notebooks and groceries. He puts all the food in the refrigerator, and the bag with notebooks and fish automatically, without realizing it, shoves it into the freezer.

THE END OF THE MEMORY

***

San Sana sits with her knees tucked under her chin.

HEAD TEACHER (Behind the scenes)

That's great. Of course, you couldn't possibly come up with the idea of looking for them there. And what will you do?

SAN SANA

I'll check this option. There are a lot of twos in that. I wonder how they wrote it here.

HEAD TEACHER (Behind the scenes)

But put the grades in the log according to the first check.

SAN SANA

Of course, Margarita Petrovna.

HEAD TEACHER (Behind the scenes)

Sashenka. I'll check it out.

SAN SANA

Don't you trust me?

I trust the HEAD TEACHER (Behind the scenes)

, but I always check on everyone. Otherwise, I would not have held this position for so long.

SAN SANA

I understand. But maybe we can forgive for the first time?

HEAD TEACHER (Behind the scenes)

Is this your first one, and mine in 10 years?!

SAN SANA

I understand.

HEAD TEACHER (Behind the scenes)

Well okay. Check it out and go to bed. End of communication.

****

A tram approaches the tram stop. A crowd of people forms at the door from the street, waiting. The doors open and passengers exit the cabin, pushing through the crowd of people entering.

AN ELDERLY WOMAN

Let me pass.

San Sana runs to the bus stop and gets in line to enter inside. All the seats in the cabin are occupied and there are also many passengers standing in the doorway. San Sana runs into the salon.

SAN SANA

(in a voice)

Hello children. Sit down.

A MAN

OF What?

San Sana looks around in surprise and smiles.

SAN SANA

Oh. I'm sorry, please. I got confused with the class.

THE SITTING GRANDMOTHER

Don't worry, daughter. I am also a teacher in the past. I understand.

SAN SANA

Thank you. It's just that I'm also writing my dissertation. I haven't been sleeping at all lately.

An elderly man with a beard like Kalinin's turns to San San.

THE MAN WITH THE BEARD

And on what topic?

SAN SANA

Genetic predictors of predisposition and features of the development of oxidative stress in pathozoospermia.

guy

I didn't understand anything.

THE MAN WITH THE BEARD

Are you a candidate?

SAN SAN

Already. I'm preparing to defend my doctorate.

THE MAN WITH THE BEARD

And how old are you?

THE SITTING GRANDMOTHER

Man. It's not decent to ask a woman such questions.

THE MAN WITH THE BEARD

Excuse me. It's just that you're so young.

man

And now scientists have become much younger.

The tram turns. San Sana looks out the window and around in surprise.

SAN SANA

And where is he going?

guy

To the factory.

SAN SANA

How? Not to the center?

THE SITTING GRANDMOTHER

I've been working hard. And I got on the wrong tram.

The tram stops, and San Sana jumps out of the car. He looks around. Around the industrial zone.

*****

High school. San Sana runs up to the classroom, takes off her backpack from her shoulder and searches for the key inside. He looks at the assembled students. There are five times as many of them as required.

SAN SANA

Are you all coming to me?

IGOR

, yes.

SAN SANA

Aren't there a lot of you? Can you fit into the classroom?

NIZAMI

Unlikely. Maybe we should move to the assembly hall?

SAN SANA

What's going on? Can someone explain it to me?

Lena

It's just that someone posted a video on the Internet of how you extracted DNA from saliva, so those who wanted to see the celebrity firsthand gathered.

SAN SANA

The video? What kind of video?

San Sana looks at the bag.

SAN SANA (PROD.)

Damn. I didn't take the classroom key from the guards. Damn forgetfulness.

Egor

Things happen.

SAN SANA

So be it. Let's go to the assembly hall. And what did the video collect?

IZZY

Ooooh. One and a half million views on Youtube.

Chapter Four

*

Everyone follows San San to the security post in a huge crowd. They approach the post.

SAN SANA

I'll have the key to the auditorium, please.

The guard hands over the key and writes it in the log. San Sana signs her name.

ABRAM

Three lam loys in a Pick-a-Poke. You are an Internet star.

SAN SANA

I'm still wondering where I got so many subscribers from. Three lam loys. And a lot of people who want to join the group. Come on, who did this?

IZYA

But what does it matter?

SAN SANA

Just like that. Thank you for the advertisement.

In the assembly hall, the students take their seats. San Sana goes on stage and sits on a chair. Lena comes on stage with a bag and comes to the table.

SAN SANA

And who decides to show their homework? What did I ask?

Lena

San San. Can I do the experiment myself, “Softening the shell”, which was previously set at home?

SAN SANA

Sure.

San Sana looks at the audience. There are practically no empty seats. Many people record videos on smartphones. Lena puts the necessary materials on the table from the bag: an egg, vinegar, a jar with a lid.

Lena

The lid is very important, as it will keep the smell out!

He puts an egg with a shell in a jar of vinegar and covers it with a lid.

Lena

Now we need to leave the jar for a few days. The egg will become soft like a rubber ball.

He takes out another jar of flattened egg from the bag, which was previously cooked. Highlights it with a flashlight to examine the internal structure. The students record the assignment on video.

SAN-SAN

Please pay attention. The fact is that the eggshell consists of calcium carbonate, which interacts with acetic acid. Therefore, the shell softens. Now write down or memorize the homework assignment to do another experiment with an egg. This experiment is called “Cooking eggs without heat.” Necessary materials: eggs, a bowl, vinegar. Egg preparation consists in denaturing the proteins that are present in the cell contained in the egg shell. Denaturation is the process by which a biomolecule, such as DNA or protein, loses its three-dimensional structure.

San Sana gets up from her chair and walks behind the podium.

SAN SANA

Thank you, Lenochka. She did a great job. Protein denaturation is usually achieved by heat exposure, boiling or frying. Another method is to add compounds such as vinegar and alcohol, which denature proteins through changes in their three-dimensional structure. Pour vinegar into a deep bowl at home, put the egg there so that a layer of liquid covers it completely. Cover the bowl with a lid to slow down evaporation.

igor

Will it be possible to eat it?

SAN SANA

The egg will take a long time to cook in this way and, alas, its taste qualities will disappoint you. But what won't you do for the sake of science? Any questions?

LUCY

Does it make any difference which eggs to use?

SAN SANA

Indifference. Even a dinosaur egg. You will bring your results to the next round. Or take a video and post it in the “I love DNA" group.

**

note: VAN VAN IS ABOUT TWO METERS TALL, WITH A COSSACK DONKEY ON THE THEME, LIKE TARAS BULBA, AND WITH A HORSESHOE MUSTACHE. WITH BROAD SHOULDERS, DRESSED IN THE CLOTHES OF BANDITS OF THE 90S: BLACK JEANS "MALVINA", A BLACK LEATHER JACKET "LEATHER JACKET", A GOLD CHAIN AS THICK AS A THUMB AROUND HIS NECK AND COSSACK COSSACKS ON HIS FEET. SHE WEARS BLACK LEATHER GLOVES WITH CUT-OFF FINGER JOINTS ON HER WRISTS.

A week has passed.

San Sana is hurrying towards the pedestrian crossing, which is regulated by traffic lights along the sidewalk. He looks at his smartphone and occasionally glances at the sidewalk he is walking along.

He approaches the crossing and takes a step onto the roadway, burying himself in the gadget screen. Suddenly, she feels that someone is forcefully holding her by the collar of her outerwear, and by inertia she falls on her ass and hangs like pinocchio on a nail or a five-year-old child. Her back is being held with her chest by a young man, VAN VAN (30). At the same moment, an SUV flies by, a couple of centimeters away from her outstretched toe. Her body loses its balance and hangs on the wrist of a heroic Cossack holding her by the collar. San Sana nervously gets to her feet and throws away his brush.