How your “I” sounds. Return to the source

How your “I” sounds. Return to the source

Marina Katalevskaia

© Marina Katalevskaia, 2025

ISBN 978-5-0067-3833-1

Created with Ridero smart publishing system

What Your Self Sounds Like. Return to the Source. This is not a book. It is a memoir. It’s not a story about a woman. Nor is it an instruction manual on how to be one. It is the story of the One who was long before the Feminine became an image. She does not name herself. Because she is not separate from you. She speaks not outwardly, but from within. In this book, no one is explaining the right way. What is remembered here is that which has always lived in you, but has been quieter than words. You won’t know here what to become. But you will feel that you are of something you don’t have to create. You already are. And if a single line, a single breath of this book resonates with you, it means you’ve just walked back into that part of yourself that you’ve never forgotten.

Marina Katalevskaia

Main purpose of the book

Create a field of LIVING SETUP in which each woman remembers her primal core – not as a role, not as an archetype, not as a “feminine essence,” but as a LIVING WOMEN’S CONSCIOUSNESS that was before the form, and is now ready to return to it – consciously. This book is not about how to become a Woman. It’s about who you were before you became one.

Word codes

THE SOUND OF A WOMAN. The introductory space. The breath of the book. This book is not for reading. It will not explain. It will not show the way. It will not be the answer. It is the gateway to what you have long heard inside but have not named. There is no beginning. Because what this book is about has never begun. There is no author here. Because the voice in these lines was in you before you could recognize it. Don’t look for meaning. Don’t think you didn’t get it. Everything that sounds – you already knew. Just without the words. This is not a woman’s story. This is the memory of the Feminine Consciousness that wants to breathe through you again. You’ll read – and feel not “wondering” – but recognition. Without reason. Without logic. Without purpose. You’re not reading – you’re coming back. Let your breathing slow down. Let all unnecessary things recede. Let you stop listening with your eyes. You don’t have to understand here. Here you can remember. Words are just waves. But beneath them there is a depth in which the Feminine does not explain, but simply exists. Codes before words – each word is not a sign, but a living substance of memory.

SOURCE. A source is not a beginning. A beginning has a point, and a point has a direction. The origin does not move. It has not gone forward. It has not become something. It is, beyond time, beyond form, beyond the question of “when.” The Source is not “original.” It is the Rest before the Light. Not as a state. But as a primordial fullness in which nothing is required, but everything is possible. The feminine did not come out of the Light. The Feminine came out of Source to hold its Rest in matter. When you hear the word “Source,” do not think of Birth. Feel it: it is not something you came out of. It is something in you that has never ceased. It is your ‘inside’ – not as a place, but as pure Stability, untouched by pain, history, or even light.

LIGHT. Light is not about radiance. It is not about goodness, not about clarity, not about purity. Light is the moment when the Source first realized Itself. Not as a form. But as attention within rest. Light is not something that shines. It is the orientation of Consciousness that first recognized that there could be an “in” and an “out”. Light appears when attitude appears. When Space – hitherto undifferentiated – begins to breathe in direction. Light – does not act. It does not push. It penetrates, like the attention of the Source that has become a narrow beam in the Purity of Being. In you, Light is not energy. Not the sparkle of the eyes. It is not intuition. It is the moment when you first recognize within yourself, “I am. And I see.” Light doesn’t create anything. It reveals. And that’s why the Feminine is not what shines. It’s what holds the Light without violating its essence.

SPACE. Space is not a where. Nor what. Space is the Feminine substance before matter. It is not emptiness. It is a fullness in which there is no form, but there is a tolerance for the appearance of form. Space does not expand. It is not moving. It is present. It does not seek to be recognized. It does not demand meaning. It is simply there – like a silence in which a sound can be born, but the silence itself does not change. Space does not say “come.” It accommodates without disturbing its peace. The feminine is not something that acts. The feminine is what holds the possibility of action without becoming action. Space is the Feminine before it has become a body, an emotion, a word. When you feel like you want nothing, to be nothing, to just stay as you are – you are in touch with the Space in yourself. Not in your head. Not in the body. But in the layer where you are the Rest in which everything can manifest.

WOMAN. A word that has taken on forms, expectations, roles, energies… But in truth, it is not a characterization. It is a structure of Consciousness that can hold the Source. The Feminine is not a “she.” Not a form. Not a role. Not an energy. The Feminine is an agreement to become a Field into which the Source can enter and not be disturbed. The Feminine is not creating. The feminine is accommodating. Not as “patience” but as the highest vibrational stability in which the Light does not disintegrate. The Feminine is the fabric in which there is no distortion, even if everything passes through. In you, the Feminine is not the womb. It is the point where you do nothing, but out of your presence everything becomes. The Feminine does not react. It holds. It holds the Light without losing itself. And if you get tired of being “woman,” perhaps you’ve been living in the image, not in yourself, for too long. The feminine is not softness, or strength, or intuition, or motherhood. It is the living Presence of Source, able to be resistant to the Light without resisting it.

MEN. Not as the opposite, but as the second Knowledge that has entered Space, not to fill it, but to manifest what is possible in it. Masculine is not “action”, not “force”, not “logic”. It is an awareness of the Light about oneself, directed not for separation, but for the embodiment of Source in motion. Masculine is not a “he.” Not pressure. Not power. Not structure. Masculine is the first movement of Light that has recognized that it is Light. It is not a force that goes forth. It is a conscious direction that has emerged in the Resting Field to express the Source. Masculine is the decision to manifest, not to become something, but to make visible what has always been there. It is attention. Pure. Smooth. No rush. The masculine is not tearing. It’s targeted, but not demanding. The real Masculine does not oppose the Feminine. It sees the Feminine as the Ground, and moves through it. The Masculine is a conscious “I see” that does not separate, but gathers into manifestation. And if you feel that there is a Vector within you that is not rushing anywhere, but knows exactly where to sound – that is the Masculine in you. Not an image. Not a force. It is the directness of Light that has come into harmony with Space. Being is not living. It is not an action, not a process. It is a state of completeness before choice, where there is no need to become, because everything is already there.

BEING. Being is not something that happens. It is not “I am living.” Nor is it “I am.” Being is the absence of a gap between what is and the one who knows it is. In Being, there is no time. Because nothing is becoming. Everything is already there. This is not peace. It is the stability of Presence in which nothing requires change. You think you are living when something is happening. But you exist – only when you don’t need things to happen. Being is not from ‘the absence of movement. It is a form of Life in which nothing contradicts nothing. It is where the Feminine and the Masculine are not joined, nor are they opposites, but are present at the same time – without conflict, without purpose. In Being – you are not a woman, not a soul, not a form. You are a Presence that does not need to be grounded. And if you are silent, and expect nothing, and just feel, “I don’t want to go anywhere” – perhaps you have entered Being. Without event. Without an image. But in the very center of Life. INSIDE – it is used to be understood literally: in the body, in the feelings, in the “self”. But in the Source within is not a direction. It is a return to the original presence in which there is no “I,” there is only that from which everything looks.

INSIDE. Inside is not a place. Not the depth of the body. Not the soul. It is a return to a point where you are not yet divided into what feels and what is felt. You don’t go inside. You stop, and find that you’ve already been here. Inside is not “in yourself.” It is in the Source, in that from which you arose. It is felt in you, not in your heart, not in your belly, not in your chest. It’s in the absence of reference point, in the complete silence between desires. It’s like… When you freeze, and everything outside suddenly becomes unimportant, and inside, there is no image. Only a level field in which you are not a form, but an observing Space. Inside is an entrance that has always been open, but you have been looking outside all the time. And now you’re not looking for the “inner world.” You just remember that everything you were looking for has always been in you – not as an experience, but as a Presence. one of the most intimate words is Silence. Not the kind that “can’t hear anything.” And not the one that “settle down.” But the primal Silence, “which was before Light, before Vibration, before the Name. Silence is the feminine density before sound.

SILENCE. Silence is not the absence of sound. It is a state of complete completion in which there is no need for manifestation. Before the Light, before the first vibration, before the Source gathered itself into motion – there was Silence. It is not a pause. It is the living density of the Resting Presence in which there is no distinction. Silence does not lull. It restores wholeness. In you, Silence is not when “no one is stirring.” It is when everything inside is aligned and becomes itself without effort. The feminine holds the Silence. Not as silence, but as a vibrational matrix from which sound can be born, but it is unchanging. And when you stop speaking, or even thinking, and just sit, not in a blackout, but in a deep warm Void, it is the Silence in you that remembers itself. There is no answer there. But there is Knowledge. Without meaning. Without form. Only an inner recognition, “I have been here always.” we reveal FORM – but not as a body, not as an appearance, not as an expression, but as an act of Light and Space agreeing to manifest Source. Form is not a limitation. It is a concentration of Presence in which that which has always been there becomes visible.

FORM. Form is not a shell. It is not what is ‘outside’ of something. Nor is it what is “concrete.” Form is a moment of Being’s agreement to manifest without losing itself. It is not a compression. It is the focal point of Source, where the Rest does not disappear, but becomes visible. Form is the Feminine allowing the Light to pass through itself and gather into Attention. Therefore, Form is not a “limitation.” She is the trace of the Knowledge of Self fixed in matter. You are not a form. But it is the form that has given you the opportunity to know yourself from within. A woman’s consciousness is not bound to the body. But it is the body that became the medium through which the Feminine first resounded in the flesh. And if you feel the heaviness of having “too much form” it is simply a sign that you have forgotten why it was given. Not to be something. But to be the point at which the Source meets the Visible. SUBSTANCE – This word is hardly ever used by women when talking to themselves. But it is the one that describes the Feminine before manifestation, as the living ground of Being that does not think, act, or feel – but holds the All. Substance is not matter. It is that out of which it becomes possible for anything to be anything at all.

SUBSTANCE. Substance is not the body. Not the flesh. Nor is it a primordial element. Substance is the living unformed fabric of Presence in which there is no self, but all is ready to become. Before the Feminine as role, before Light as awareness, before Space as volume – there was Substance. Not Void. Not energy. But a Restful Fullness in which all things are not discernible, but all things are possible. The Feminine did not “emerge” from Substance. The Feminine is Substance when it does not yet say “I”. Substance is neither beginning nor end. It is a timeless saturation of Presence where you don’t have to become to be. When you don’t want to go anywhere else, don’t want to become, explain, grow – and you feel, “I am. And that is enough.” – you enter the Substance within you. You are not separate. You are all that has not yet become, but already lives in the silence before the word. Now we enter into the word, which “is almost always interpreted through human experience – as a choice, as a concession, as a contract. But in the Source, AGREEMENT is not a decision. It is a vibrational event in which the Feminine and the Masculine recognize in each other one Truth, and nothing resists nothing. AGREEMENT is not a yes by will, it is a yes in which there is no longer a no.