Where Broken Seeds Grow

Where Broken Seeds Grow

Lydia Vaile

© Lydia Vaile, 2025

ISBN 978-5-0067-4137-9

Created with Ridero smart publishing system

Prologue: Between Worlds

Every ending carries its beginning

Like seeds hidden in winter soil—

Dark, dormant, waiting

For the light that breaks everything open.

Stroke. Breathe. Stroke. Breathe.

Daniel carved through the murky lake, pushing ahead through the crush of neoprene-clad bodies. Three-quarters into the swim leg of Victoria IRONMAN, his rhythm remained unbroken – each stroke a testament to the machine he’d built. The world narrowed to the thrum of his heartbeat, the lactic burn in his shoulders, the faint brine of Vaseline mingling with the lake’s decaying silt.

Stroke. Breathe. Stroke—

Pain. White-hot and electric.

It erupted in the center of his chest, a supernova radiating down his left arm, numbing his fingers.

He gasped, swallowing a mouthful of algae and diesel-tainted water. His right arm seized mid-stroke, muscles locking like rusted hinges.

Not now. Not here. Just keep moving.

His body had already begun to sink. The sky above collapsed into pitch darkness. All surface sounds faded. The bubbles carried away his last breath. The cold embraced him.

Then silence. A perfect, crystalline silence that wrapped around him like a blanket.

Time shattered – and in that crystalline stillness, he saw his brother laughing. Sunlight caught in his curly hair as they ran circles around their grandmother’s garden. The smell of fresh-cut soil. Something so simple it hurt.

The memory fractured, splintering into rapid-fire images:

His mother in her faded pink robe, humming tunelessly while sorting bills at the kitchen table, her fingers trembling as she decided which could wait another week.

Financial charts cascaded like toxic waterfalls across his laptop screen – green spikes and red candles – numbers that had once represented salvation now meaningless hieroglyphics.

«You wanted to be a gardener,» Sam whispered from somewhere far away.

The bedroom – dust motes floating in light slanting through a cracked window. A torn poetry journal, pages curling like autumn leaves. Fragile green seedlings stretched timidly toward light on the windowsill.

The sound of a shutter.

The images accelerated, then slowed abruptly, coalescing into a single, vivid memory:

Daniel was twelve, Sam was ten. They knelt beside their grandmother in dark, rich soil. Her arthritis-twisted hands demonstrated honest, decent work.

«Gently,» their grandmother instructed. «Life is fragile at the beginning.»

«Like this?» Sam asked, carefully, his fingernails already black with dirt.

«Perfect,» Grandma said. «They need room to stretch.»

Daniel’s fingers mimicked their movements. The soil was cool and damp, earthy-sweet, alive with promise. He pressed a seed into each hollow, covering it gently.

«Roots grow down before anything grows up,» Sam said, repeating Grandma’s wisdom.

«That’s right, Samuel. Good work!»

Daniel smiled – at peace. He was free.

The garden began to darken. The grass beneath his knees hardened into synthetic turf. Flowers withered, replaced by digital approximations – too perfect, too static. Soil under his fingernails dissolved.

He inhaled the scent of fresh-cut grass, tried to hold its moment, but it slipped away. One final memory of being small. Safe. Whole.

Light bloomed from the center of everything, washing out the colors, the shapes, even the memory itself.

And then darkness.

And then light.

And then, the beginning.

The Noise We Choose Not to Hear

The house breathes with borrowed time,

Each room a chamber of the heart

That forgot how to beat in rhythm

With anything but survival.

The digital clock blinked, «5:17 a.m.» as Daniel slipped out of bed, the familiar weight of fatigue dragging at his limbs. The cold floorboards nipped at his soles like teeth. His bedroom held little more than a single bed, a desk, and a narrow window framing Astoria’s predawn darkness. Outside, the bridge dissolved into the morning mist, an escape route he could see – but never take. Inside, the constant highway hum throbbed through the floorboards – a persistent, maddening drone that nobody else seemed to notice anymore.

Daniel loved mornings like this – when the house hadn’t yet woken into chaos. When he could breathe. The porch light blinked slowly two streets over. The soft pulse of the river brushed against dock pilings. Somewhere in that hush, he sensed the edge of something just out of reach – a peace he could see but never quite hold.

He moved through the dim kitchen with the efficiency of long habit. Oatmeal with apples – cheap but filling. The scent of overcooked oats blurred into the buttery haze of microwave popcorn. A flash – Sam’s laughter, the crunch of cheese puffs, controllers clicking faster than the game could keep up. The hum of the console, the world outside completely forgotten.

The present snapped back when the spoon’s clatter rang too loud. He paused, listening. A faucet dripped. Sam’s snores rumbled. A neighbor’s dog barked. He glanced at the mail hidden behind the flour canister – three red «FINAL NOTICE» envelopes his mother couldn’t see. Not yet. Not today. One envelope had nearly slipped into the trash last week – a university letter. His mother claimed she’d thought it was a scam. «They trick people with fake scholarships now,» she’d said, eyes too wide. Daniel didn’t press. He never did.

International Women’s Day. He’d seen it on the calendar at the library yesterday. The thought sparked an idea, and he surveyed the living room with its accumulation of dirty dishes, scattered newspapers, and the residue of his brother’s late-night cereal binge. A clean house – that was something he could give her. Something to lift the perpetual cloud that hung over her face these days.

As Daniel wiped down counters and gathered stray socks, the highway’s drone seemed to intensify with the lightening sky. Funny how you could live with a sound so long you stopped hearing it – until suddenly it vibrated in your bones. Like arguments that shook these walls. Like Sam’s episodes. Like Mom’s crying, muffled behind doors.

As he worked, he spotted Sam’s poetry journal peeking out from under the table – its cover worn, pages dog-eared. His brother’s one outlet, filled with verses nobody was allowed to read. For a heartbeat, he smelled artificial cheese dust and saw the controller’s cracked buttons.

He was arranging the last of the clean dishes when he heard the bathroom door close. His mother’s shuffling steps moved down the hallway, followed by the sound of running water.

«Danny?» Her voice, sleep-thickened, carried surprise. «What are you doing up so early?»

Dolores Mercer stood in the doorway in her faded pink bathrobe, hair uncombed, eyes puffy. At fifty-three, she looked a decade older – life had etched itself into the corners of her mouth, the furrows of her brow.

«Happy Women’s Day, Mom.» He gestured to the cleaned kitchen, feeling suddenly foolish.

«I thought I’d… you know.»

Something flickered across her face – a ghost of the smile she used to wear when Daniel was small, before the endless struggle with bills and medications and keeping it all together.

She moved to the coffee maker, hands trembling as she measured out the grounds.

«You didn’t need to do this, you know?»

Daniel kept silent, watching her closely, searching for signs of a good day or a bad one.

«How did you sleep?»

She shrugged, her back to him. «The usual. That highway keeps getting louder, I swear.» She turned, coffee mug clutched between both hands.

«Did you remember to put Sam’s prescription refill on the list? We’ll need it by Friday.»

And there it was – the instant pivot to worry, to the next problem that needed solving. Daniel nodded, swallowing his disappointment.

«Already called it in. You can pick it up this afternoon.»

«He has that lady now, right? At the clinic.» Dolores flapped a hand vaguely, then began wiping down the counter with unnecessary vigor. «They’re working on his moods. Coping skills. Or whatever they call it. But they don’t say ’crazy’ anymore – it’s all «behavioral regulation’ now.»

Her voice carried an edge of sarcasm, but her eyes didn’t meet his.

Daniel hesitated. «Is she a doctor?»

«I don’t know. Maybe. She’s got a clipboard and a soft voice. That’s enough for some people.»

She sipped her coffee, gaze drifting to the window where morning fog receded, revealing the harbor’s gray-blue glint between houses. But Daniel knew she wasn’t seeing the view – she was calculating costs, counting days until the next check, mapping out the endless logistics of survival.

«I hope you find it someday.» Daniel paused.

«Find what?»

«Someone who makes you happy. A partner. Love.»

She barked a laugh – sharp, humorless. «At my age? With this baggage?» She waved vaguely toward Sam’s door. «I’m not holding my breath, Danny.»

Before Daniel could respond, a crash from the bathroom spun them both toward the sound. The medicine cabinet door hung from one hinge, toiletries scattered across the tile floor. Sam stood frozen amid the chaos, toothbrush in hand, his expression a mixture of confusion and defiance.

«It wouldn’t close right,» he said, as if that explained everything.

At twenty-two, Sam was physically imposing – tall and broad-shouldered like their father – but his eyes held the wounded uncertainty of a child. His unwashed hair stuck out at odd angles, and his T-shirt was inside out.

«Jesus Christ, Sam!» Their mother set her coffee down with enough force to slosh liquid over the rim. «That’s the third thing you’ve broken this week!»

Sam’s face darkened. «It was already broken. I just finished the job.»

«Do you have any idea how much these things cost to replace? Any idea at all what I have to do to keep this roof over your head?»

Daniel stepped between them, a familiar position. «I’ll fix it, Mom. The hinge is just loose. I can pick up some screws…»

«That’s not the point! He needs to learn – »

«You’re going to be late for Aunt Marge’s if you don’t start getting ready,» Daniel interrupted, desperate to defuse the situation. «Remember? The Women’s Day supper?»

His mother’s anger seemed to deflate slightly, replaced by a new anxiety.

«Oh God, that’s today? What time is it now?»

«Almost seven. Plenty of time.»

She nodded, rubbing her forehead. «Right. Okay. Sam, please just… just clean up that mess and get dressed. Something nice – not those torn jeans.»

As Dolores retreated to her bedroom, Daniel knelt to help Sam gather the fallen items.

«You don’t have to defend me,» Sam muttered, picking up a bottle of antacids from the floor. «I’m not a child.»

«I know that.»

«No, you don’t. None of you do.» Sam’s fingers closed around a small metal object – the cabinet’s broken hinge pin. He studied it with unexpected focus. «You know what’s funny about hinges, Danny? They’re the weakest point of any door, but without them, the door is useless. Just a slab of wood.»

Daniel paused, struck by the observation.

«People are like that too.» Sam placed the pin carefully on the sink’s edge. «We break at our connection points. But those are also the only places where we can open up.» He looked directly at Daniel. The striking clarity in his gaze reflected a sadness too old for his years.

Daniel busied himself with the fallen toothpaste tubes, offering a faint smile.

By noon, the house had transformed from morning quiet to a hurricane of activity. His mother’s nervous energy had become frantic as she searched for her good earrings, then her phone, then the dessert she’d promised to bring. The phone rang – Aunt Marge’s impatient shrill slicing through the chaos – Dolores snatched it, breathlessly apologizing.

«Danny, can you check if we have enough cash for the bus?» Dolores asked, entering the kitchen clutching an overflowing folder – documents spilling from every pocket. She spread them across the table – bills marked with urgent red stamps, lottery tickets, coupons expired months ago. «I think I put a twenty in here somewhere.»

Daniel watched as she shuffled through the papers, her fingers jittering anxiously. She’d never trusted using a debit card, insisting on paying everything in cash or by money order – her entire financial life contained in this chaotic folder.

«These are past due,» Daniel said quietly, picking up an electricity bill from two months ago.

«Did you pay this?»

«Of course I did,» she snapped, but her eyes darted away. «They just send them twice sometimes. They’re trying to trick people into paying double.»

Daniel bit back a sigh. She genuinely believed these conspiracies, just as she believed her lottery tickets would someday rescue them from this house.

The fourth call from Aunt Marge remained unanswered. Dolores went to the bathroom. When the phone rang a fifth time, Sam finally picked it up, then immediately held it away from his ear as Marge’s voice blared through the speaker.

«We can bring our own food,» Sam announced when she paused for breath. «We bought extra groceries yesterday.»

Daniel winced, already knowing where this was headed.

«No, you don’t need to buy anything. We already have food,» Sam continued stubbornly. «Actually, you could give back that CD – »

The bathroom door flew open, his mother emerging in a cloud of steam and the scent of drugstore perfume. She snatched the phone from Sam.

«We’re FINE, Marge!» she barked into the phone, then covered the receiver.

«What did you say to her?» she hissed at Sam.

Sam shrugged. «Only that she can get her CD back and – »

The house held its breath. Daniel watched his mother’s face fracture – lips trembling, eyes glazing.

«That was a gift!» Her voice ricocheted off the linoleum.

«A gift! You don’t give gifts back!»

«But if she made it for you to enjoy, and you don’t enjoy it – »

«Mom, your heart!» Daniel warned, glancing at her flushed face.

«Daniel, don’t!»

Sam pressed on, oblivious to the danger signs.

«But you always say we should save money and – »

«You are an asshole!» Dolores screamed, her control finally snapping.

«You ungrateful little – »

She swept her arm across the counter, sending a vase of withered roses crashing to the floor. Water splashed across the linoleum, petals scattered like drops of blood. The shattered glass glittered among the debris – a perfect addition to what Dolores called her Garden of Broken Things. It began after their father died. Instead of pulling weeds, she started collecting broken things – chipped teacups from yard sales, cracked pots left on curbs. She’d glue them back together, sloppy with epoxy, then stick them in the dirt like they belonged there: wind chimes made from shattered plates and fishing line, a birdbath cracked down the middle. Once their grandmother’s beloved garden – now an ugly grave of sorrow and grief.

Sam stared at the broken vase, his face folding under emotions he couldn’t process.

«I’m just slow,» he said, his voice suddenly small. «Time always runs out. It’s not my fault.»

Their mother turned away, speaking in artificial cheer into the phone. «We’ll be there in twenty minutes, I promise.»

Daniel stood amid the wreckage, suddenly seeing their house as if from a great distance. Water stains from last winter’s unfixable leak. No savings. Mismatched furniture from curbsides and yard sales. No car. The wall with pencil marks tracking heights until age seven – when measuring stopped. Even the postal service skipped their street half the time.

«Let me help you get your coat, Sam,» Daniel said finally, picking his way through the glass. «You too, Mom. I’ll clean this up when you get back.»

His mother nodded, suddenly looking exhausted. «Thank you, Daniel. I don’t know what we’d do without you.»

The words should have felt good – validation, appreciation. Instead, they settled like stones. Beneath them, the unspoken truth: Always be here. Always fix. Always mediate.

As they gathered coats and keys, Daniel caught sight of the day’s mail he’d brought in earlier – still unopened on the side table. The top envelope bore a university crest he recognized instantly.

Sam’s gaze followed Daniel’s, lingering there a second too long. For a moment – just a moment – his eyes sharpened, as if he understood what it meant. As if he wanted to say something.

«Mom, I can’t find my other shoe,» he muttered, his voice drifting back to its usual aimlessness.

When they finally left, the highway noise revealed its face in the absence of human voices. A constant reminder of the world moving past them. Through the window, the Astoria-Megler Bridge emerged fully from the fog – clean lines spanning the mighty Columbia. Daniel could only see its beginning, not its end. But it was enough to remind him that bridges existed, that there were ways out, that somewhere beyond the constant noise and chaos, there might be silence – and in that silence, peace.

Daniel stood in the living room, the weight of the house – his mother’s fragile health, his brother’s unpredictable mind – pressing down like hands at his throat.

He moved to the table and picked up the envelope, his name embossed in raised black ink.

It wasn’t just a letter – it was a door.

And he was the hinge.

Behind him, the highway whispered through the walls – steady, endless.

Daniel ran his thumb along the sealed flap.

If he opened it, something would break.

He didn’t know whether it would be the family – or himself.

The Weight of Broken Things

Hope is the cruelest inheritance—

It makes prisoners of the desperate,

Teaching them to count bars

As if they were rungs on a ladder.

Daniel stood barefoot on the cold tile floor, one hand on the countertop, the other clutching the tuition invoice. The knife moved rhythmically against the cutting board, each slice of onion releasing a sharp, invisible cloud that stung his eyes. Chop, slide, gather, repeat. The kitchen window revealed only darkness now, evening having crept in as he prepared dinner – another meal for a family that consumed but rarely nourished.

Three days. Just three days until the payment deadline. The thought pulsed in his mind with each cut of the knife, a metronome of anxiety that had been building since the final notice arrived. Three days until his escape route vanished. Three days until the door to another life slammed shut.

Steam rose from the boiling potatoes, fogging a patch of the window. Daniel wiped it clean with his sleeve, catching a glimpse of his reflection – hollow-cheeked, eyes carrying the burden of unmet dreams.

A university. His name on the list. His mind in motion, not captivity.

He saw it in flashes: whiteboards, team projects, sunlight leaking through tall library windows, people who didn’t know his history, who didn’t whisper behind his back or look at him with tired pity.

For a second, it was so real, he felt his chest physically ache.

«Just one more,» he whispered, scraping the onions into the sizzling pan. «One little chance to prove I’m not just… this.»

From the living room, the television blared suddenly louder. His mother’s voice cut through the walls, sharp as vinegar. «Of course he did it! You don’t wait on men to confess, honey. You watch them. They always show you what they are.»

Daniel’s knife paused mid-slice. The venom in her tone – it wasn’t just directed at the detective show character. She was talking about his father again, the ghost who haunted their conversations without ever being named. His jaw tightened as he resumed chopping, a little harder now, the blade hitting the board with staccato precision.

The family came back earlier than expected – Dolores complaining about the cold meat, Sam whispering scripture – not in prayer, but like he was decoding something only he could hear. Now, the house had resumed its usual rhythm. He’d stepped back into his role without cue – cook, cleaner, ghost.

Daniel glanced toward the living room, where his mother’s television droned – another crime drama, the volume set too high as always. From upstairs came the murmured recitations of his brother’s evening prayers. The low, constant highway hum filtered through the walls like tinnitus – a phantom dragging chains behind drywall. Even during supposed quiet, noise always surrounded him: the television’s static-laced dialogue, Sam’s biblical murmurings upstairs, Dolores humming some ancient commercial jingle as she moved around the living room. Layers of sound wrestling for dominance, never allowing true silence.

With the sauce simmering, Daniel allowed himself ten minutes. Ten precious minutes stolen from his servitude. He slipped his phone from his pocket and leaned against the counter, earbuds in place to create a fragile bubble of privacy.

The YouTube video began with a triumphant finish-line crossing – an IRONMAN triathlete, arms raised in victory, face transformed by exhaustion and excitement.

«I was nobody,» the man said post-race. «Working a dead-end job, drowning in debt, until I decided to change everything. Endurance isn’t just physical,» he said. «It’s about controlling your body when your mind wants to quit.»

Control. The word resonated with Daniel. Control over his body. His future. His mind.

«The discipline of training saved me first,» he continued. «Then came the crypto investments that changed my financial reality forever.»

Daniel’s heart quickened as he scrolled through more stories – ordinary people breaking free – reinventing themselves, creating wealth from nothing but knowledge and courage. Each testimonial felt like a door opening, revealing pathways he’d never considered.

«Not everyone gets lucky,» he muttered, even as hope flickered dangerously in his chest. He checked his bank account again: $1,212.47. The tuition bill: $13,800. The math was as merciless as it had been yesterday, and the day before.

A notification flashed across his screen. An open tab caught his eye – he’d forgotten about it. Some late-night reading rabbit hole. The headline at the top read, «Changes in Sleep and Behavior: When to Pay Attention.»

He hesitated, then thumbed slowly down the page.

«Unusual routines… sleep disturbances… increased isolation… religious or grandiose speech patterns…»

Daniel’s eyes drifted upward. The faintest hum of verses floated down – Sam, again, whispering through walls. He’d been doing it more lately – not just at night, but in the mornings too. Burning candles in his room. Rearranging the furniture. Staring at the hallway crucifix as if it spoke back.

Back to the screen. One line hooked him: «Often subtle at first – easy to mistake for stress or eccentricity.»

He stared at it for a long moment, then quickly shut the phone off, the screen going black in his palm.

Just curiosity, he told himself. Just a late-night article.

The potatoes began to boil over, sending white foam cascading down the sides of the pot. Daniel lunged to adjust the heat, his elbow knocking against a stack of mail. As he gathered the scattered envelopes, a faded photograph slipped from between them – his grandmother standing beside a blooming lilac bush, her photo camera hanging from her neck, her smile gentle but determined.

«Granny,» he whispered. A sudden tightness gripped his throat.

The memory came like a wave – her voice, soft but unwavering: «Son, you have to learn; you have to study!» Her final words to him, from a hospital bed, hand squeezing his with surprising strength.

Daniel’s eyes burned – this time, it wasn’t the onions.

If he left, who would intercept the final notices?

Who would stop Mom from buying another cracked birdbath instead of groceries?

He stirred the sauce mechanically, his grandmother’s face hovering in his mind’s eye.