Evie’s Choice

‘And what of your mother?’

‘Well, of course I love her, even though she’s sometimes hard to love.’ I saw a way to convince him then, and hurried on: ‘And yet I’m prepared to risk hurting her to be with you. Doesn’t that tell you all you need to know?’

‘You torment her at every chance,’ he pointed out, but he had softened his stance and now took a hesitant step closer. ‘Look, I know you’ve always been a bit of a tearaway, but you’re growing up fast, and Lady Creswell needs to get to know the young lady you’ve become. She’ll never like me, I understand that, but when she sees you’re serious she might give us her blessing.’

I shook my head. ‘She won’t. And it’s not because of who you are, because if she knew you she would love you as much as I do. It’s because of who you’re not.’

He slumped a little then, but my words seemed to reach him and he accepted my tentative embrace. We stood for a while, on top of the rock, while our first ever moments of discord gradually slipped away into the breeze, and began to appreciate, once more, this precious time alone together.

I ran a finger over the back of one of his hands, noting the slender strength of his fingers and remembering their dexterity with the paper sculptures. ‘You never did tell me: how did you end up working for Mr Markham? And what do you want to do, really?’

‘I suppose if you’re going to marry me you ought to know something about me,’ he conceded. ‘I have no deep, dark secrets, but you’re right, butchery was never my first choice.’ He jumped off the rock and turned to me, hands outstretched to help, but I’d been jumping off this rock for years and, with a withering look at him, I managed it quite well again today without his help. He grinned and took my hand, tucking it around his arm as we walked up towards the big quarry pit that lay over the hill.

‘Dad wanted me to take over the business. He worked seven days a week, but that wasn’t why I left, I’ve never been afraid of a full working life. I just felt as if I had no time to do what I loved most: sculpting wood.’

I should have expected this; his eye for crafting beautiful things was clearly echoed in the skill of his hands. ‘I had a friend,’ he went on. ‘Nathan. He lived in Blackpool too, but he had family in Breckenhall. Quite well off, I think. We both shared this…’ he looked down at his free hand and flexed the fingers reflectively, ‘this need to create, I suppose.’ He glanced down at me, a little embarrassed, a little defiant.

‘Go on,’ I said, delighted to be learning about him at last. ‘Where is Nathan now? Oh, and what was the family business you couldn’t wait to get away from?’

Will stopped and withdrew his arm from mine to shove his hands in his pockets. ‘You’ll laugh.’

‘I won’t, I promise.’

‘Cross your heart?’

‘Absolutely. I will not laugh.’

His eyes narrowed in warning, then he shrugged. ‘All right. It was a butcher’s shop.’

I bit my lip, but it was no good, and although I didn’t laugh outright I did feel a wide smile on my face that made him roll his eyes, pull my hat down over my ears and stalk off. I chased him, letting the giggles out at last, and caught his hand. ‘Wait! I want to hear the rest!’

‘I’ll tell you the rest if you promise not to say the word “butcher” to me once more today.’

‘I promise,’ I said again, with the proper solemnity, and he sighed.

‘Might as well get the grass to promise not to grow,’ he grumbled. ‘Anyway, Nathan was – is – an artist. A proper artist, not like me; I just like to make things, but he’s a painter.’

‘I don’t see why that makes you less than a “proper” artist,’ I protested.

Will shook his head. ‘He had real talent, everyone said so. He was offered a studio here in Breckenhall, one of his family left it to him. So he asked me if I wanted to leave Blackpool, come here and set up with him in business. He would take commissions, I would work on my carvings and sculptures, and we would sell them at the market.’ He shrugged again. ‘It all sounded wonderful. I was just in the way at home, anyway.’

‘In the way? How could you be?’

‘I’m the youngest of five. There were plenty of others to take my place beside Dad.’

I tried to imagine how anyone could make him feel anything less than special, but I couldn’t begin to. ‘So the two of you came to Breckenhall, set up your studio, and what happened then?’

‘Nathan’s dream carried us for a while. I sold a few pieces and we set ourselves up using our savings. But we’d not thought it through really; frames, oils, canvas, brushes…it all cost much more money than we’d allowed for.’

‘But you owned the studio outright?’

‘Yes. We partitioned it off and slept in one half, worked in the other. It was fun, those few years,’ Will said, smiling in remembrance. ‘We got on well, and we were able to spend all our time doing the thing we each loved the most. I was able to get by without spending too much on equipment; I walked to the forest and gathered hardwoods there, so all I had to do was keep my blades sharp. And eat and keep warm, of course.’

I wished I’d known him then, it gave me an odd feeling to think he’d been there all this time, I’d probably even seen him selling his carvings in the market without noticing him…it didn’t seem possible now. ‘Sounds heavenly,’ I said.

‘Well, I knew things were difficult, but I thought we were muddling through. Then one day Nathan stayed up late to finish a project he was working on, and when I woke up I found a note. He’d gone.’

‘Gone? Where?’

Will shrugged. ‘Just…gone. He’d been struggling for a long time, borrowing from friends and family, until he found himself in so much debt he couldn’t pay it back. Not even his family could help. I had no idea things were so bad.’

‘What about the studio?’ I said, aghast, ‘Couldn’t you sell that?’

‘He’d already sold it, without telling me, and now I owed rent to the new owners.’

‘What on earth did you do?’

‘I sold everything I could to pay the back rent, found a smaller room above the fruit shop, and just when I thought I would have to go back to Blackpool with my tail between my legs, I saw the note in Frank Markham’s window.’ He looked at his hands again and gave a rueful laugh. ‘It seemed I’d learned more from my father than I thought, Markham was very impressed despite my “advanced age”. He gave me the job there and then.’

‘Well, thank goodness he did,’ I said, ‘or I’d never have met you.’

Will stopped and turned me to face him. ‘Thank goodness,’ he echoed, and I stood very still, breathless, thinking how close I had come to driving him away with my childish need to provoke my mother.

‘I’m sorry,’ I blurted. ‘You had every right to be angry.’

‘I wasn’t –’

‘Yes, you were.’

He smiled, suddenly. ‘Yes, I was. Bloody angry, actually. There was I, baring my soul to you, and all you can do is start yelling down the valley.’

‘Sorry,’ I said again, then gave him my wickedest grin. ‘You do look very handsome when you’re angry though, I must remember that. Perhaps I should begin a list of all the things that make you cross.’

He growled, and lunged for me, but I danced back out of reach and sat down on the grass. ‘You’re so easy-going, what does make you angry?’

‘Apart from young ladies reacting incorrectly to proposals of marriage?’

‘Apart from that, yes.’

He sat next to me, and pretended to consider. ‘Grown-ups sulking,’ he said at last. ‘I find that more annoying than almost anything.’

I lay back and rolled over, letting out the biggest, grumpiest sigh I could manage. He chuckled, and I felt his hand on my back, but although I smiled into the crook of my elbow I didn’t roll over. I liked the feeling of the persistent rubbing of his hand through the thin material of my dress, and as he lifted the hair away from the nape of my neck I knew what would happen next. Sure enough, his lips touched the newly exposed and tender skin and I bit my arm to keep from letting out a sigh of pleasure; I wasn’t ready for this to end yet, and as I gave another grunt of feigned annoyance I felt his mouth curve against my neck in a smile that I knew would be wide and beautiful.

‘I’m getting very angry now,’ he whispered, and the warmth of his breath sent a shock of longing through me that I wasn’t prepared for. My playacting ceased immediately and I lay very still, aware of the heat of his hand at my shoulder, and of the cool shade of his body. He kissed my neck again, and his hand moved gently down my side to cup my hip, then roll me gently towards him, brushing across my body to rest at my waist. I found myself unable to speak, but it didn’t matter; his face blocked out the sun, and as his lips touched mine, I knew this time things were different.

Our afternoons had always held the frisson of forbidden pleasure, and, while I knew the attraction between us had been growing, I had never, until now, felt the almost painful need to take our innocent kisses any further. Now, as he drew back and looked down at me, his breathing suddenly shallow, I felt a sweet, tugging sensation in the pit of my stomach that grew stronger the more I studied him. I noticed every single thing about him; the way his hair flopped untidily across his brow; the stray lash that lay beside his left eye; the slightly reddened skin along his jaw where he’d shaved in a hurry before coming out to meet me. I felt his hand slide up from my waist and across my ribcage to lie tentatively beneath my breast, and then his thumb moved to caress the swell there and he closed his eyes.

I kept mine open. His collar was open in the August warmth, and I saw the muscles move in the strong, smooth column of his throat, and the pulse beating rapidly below the angle of his jaw. I smelled grass and soap, the faint tang of moorland animals, and my own light perfume, all mingling in the dry air, and then his mouth was on mine and as my lips parted I felt him sigh against me, and I was lost.

I came to only moments later. Will jerked away from me as if I had slapped him, and I stared up at him in mortified astonishment before realising he had not moved voluntarily. A tall shadow fell over us both, and even as I recognised the angry face of my cousin David Wingfield, Will rolled away from me and came to his feet. Before he had gained his balance David shoved at him and he stumbled back, but recovered in time to deflect a blow that would otherwise had crashed into the side of his head. His own fist came up with a short, quick motion and connected with David’s jaw, and from where I lay I could see David go sprawling backwards.

Will turned back to me, stunned, and crouched down. ‘Darling, I’m so sorry, are you all right?’

‘What on earth is going on?’ I said, putting my hand in his.

He pulled me to my feet. ‘I have no idea why he’s here, but you’d better –’

Before he could finish, David’s foot rammed into the back of his knee and he staggered into me, carrying me back to the ground with a grunt, and my teeth clacked together painfully. He only just avoided landing on top of me by rolling onto his side and, off-balance and worried about me, he failed to move out of the way quickly enough and David’s next kick took him below the breastbone, knocking the breath from his body. He slumped, gasping, but the next time David’s foot flew out he caught it and tugged hard, spilling David onto his back again.

Will climbed to his feet, pale and still dragging painful breaths, and waited until David was upright again before advancing with his fists ready. I stared at them both, dizzy with the suddenness with which everything had changed, and wanting to go to Will and make sure he was all right. But he was completely focused on David now, and as David lunged, he easily dodged and clipped David on the point of his chin.

I watched, my heart slowing as the panic eased; Will was older, and easily the most agile and stronger of the two, and, despite the bruising kick, he was breathing more easily now. I wondered what had brought David up to the quarry in the first place, and, hot on the heels of that came the more urgent question: how could we prevent him from telling everyone what he had seen?

The two circled one another like wolves, the twenty-six-year-old and the seventeen-year-old, but David had already lost and we all three knew it. He eyed Will warily; Will had pushed his sleeves back to reveal forearms made strong by the hard work he did six and a half days out of seven, and the muscles flexed beneath his skin as he tightened and relaxed his fists. There was a gleam of sweat along his brow, and his eyes flashed bright blue in the sunlight, but now they weren’t friendly at all.

David cleared his throat and stepped back, dropping his hands back to his sides, an act I reluctantly admitted took courage. Defiantly, he raised his chin and I could see the red mark that would bruise nicely later. ‘I’ll have you arrested if I catch you anywhere near Miss Creswell again.’ His gaze flicked to me, and although I was quite respectably dressed I felt as if Will’s warm hands had left blazing prints all across my summer dress, and that they must have shown. Then he looked back at Will, clearly relieved as Will also dropped his guard and assumed a more relaxed position.

David’s tone turned rather snooty and I lost the fleeting sympathy I’d felt. ‘Who are you, anyway? No gentleman, that’s for sure. A gentleman would never assault a lady while she was out riding.’

‘What do you want, David?’ I said, moving to Will’s side. ‘Just say what you came for and then leave.’

‘I came to see you, as a matter of fact,’ he said. ‘Your mother invited me to dinner.’

Whatever I had been expecting, it wasn’t that. ‘What on earth for? And how did you know where I was?’

‘Everyone knows where you come to get away from everything, even your stable-hand. It’s a good thing I came, if you ask me, another few minutes and that low-born thug might have done anything!’

‘Watch who you’re calling a thug,’ Will said with deceptive mildness, but I saw him tensing up again.

David did too, and stepped back, his voice betraying his nervousness. ‘Whatever you claim to be the case, you cannot deny I came along just in time,’ he said. Privately I couldn’t help agreeing, but for a very different reason. I found my eyes drawn once more to the muscular arms that brushed mine as we stood side by side, and knew that if they were around me right this minute I would have surrendered everything, wholly and without a second thought.

‘Are you going to tell anyone what you’ve seen?’ I wanted to know.

‘Well now, I don’t know what I’ve seen, do I?’ David looked cunning suddenly, and I wanted to slap him. ‘It’s hardly your fault if some ruffian attacks you while you’re sleeping in the sun.’

Will and I looked at each other, and I could see he was going to admit to exactly that, if it meant maintaining our secret for my sake. I spoke quickly, before he could. ‘That isn’t what happened, David, you know it isn’t.’

‘Evie –’ Will began.

‘No, it’s not and you can’t pretend it is either. You’ll lose your job and Mr…your employer will suffer too,’ I said, almost naming Markham in my hurry to make my point. Mother would be certain to discover who Will was, and that would be the last time he or Markham would be delivering to Oaklands. Not to mention Will’s reputation being torn to shreds. I could not allow that.

I turned back to David, who was glancing from me to Will and back again. ‘David, I know you’re going to run back to your mother and tell her what you saw, but you need to know that won’t make any difference at all.’

‘Any difference to what?’

‘To us.’ I slipped my hand into Will’s and, after a glance of mingled exasperation and pride, he raised it to his lips. ‘Nor to what you came here for,’ I added, and David flushed.

‘I merely came to dinner,’ he reminded me. ‘At the invitation of your mother.’

‘And the instigation of yours,’ I said acidly. ‘She must be quite sure I will get the Kalteng Star back one day, and what better way to ensure it goes back to the Wingfields than if you and I were to marry?’

‘The diamond is gone,’ he protested, but there was no conviction behind his words; he clearly believed the same as his mother, that Lizzy would soon break under the terrible conditions inside Holloway, and tell someone where she had hidden it. Except I knew she hadn’t taken it to begin with, and with any luck we would never see it again.

‘Then Clarissa won’t be too disappointed to learn that I have no intention of joining our two families again,’ I said.

‘Aren’t you two related anyway?’ Will said.

‘Only distantly. David’s great-grandmother was my great-aunt Catherine.’

‘So it’s legal for you to wed?’

‘Legal, but not in the least desirable,’ I said, ‘particularly after the way he helped convict Lizzy.’

‘I simply came to dinner,’ he repeated stubbornly. ‘Please allow me to escort you back, Miss Creswell.’

‘I have Orion,’ I reminded him, profoundly grateful for the excuse. ‘And it’s nowhere near time to eat yet. At least Mrs Hannah will have plenty of notice of your cancellation.’

David’s jaw dropped. ‘Are you refusing me the hospitality offered by Lady Creswell?’

‘Not at all. Do stay, if you wish. I hope you enjoy talking to Mother.’

‘Won’t you be there?’

I smiled sweetly. ‘I expect I shall have a headache later. It’s probably best if I take a tray in my room.’

Will’s hand tightened on mine as he choked back a laugh, and I gripped hard in return. David looked at us both, searching for a way to save face. In the end he simply turned on his heel and strode off down the hill, no doubt aware of the picture of dignity he made. This was spoiled slightly as he had to take a sudden side-step to avoid the inevitable sheeps’ leavings, and his ankle turned; his disappearing silhouette cut a rather less dashing figure from that moment on. Will and I leaned on each other in relief at being alone again.

‘Do you really think your two mothers are conspiring to have you married off?’ Will said. I was glad of the distraction, even if it meant discussing such an unsavoury thought; I was too conscious of the silence, of the peace that had fallen over us, and of the heat of his body.

‘The Kalteng Star does funny things to people’s minds,’ I said. ‘I wouldn’t be at all surprised.’

‘But, as you said, it’s gone. We don’t know who stole it, and it’s fairly certain you’ll never get it back.’

‘Thank goodness, although Clarissa must think differently.’ I realised something then, and smiled. ‘Do you know, Lord William, that never once in all the time I have known and loved you, did it occur to me that you might have had your head turned by it too?’

He gave me an amused look; it had obviously never occurred to him either. ‘Not even when I told you how much I’d struggled before, to make a living from sculpting?’

‘Not even then. Besides, you’re here with me now even though I don’t have that fortune any longer.’

‘You’re still a very wealthy young woman,’ he pointed out. ‘Although the first time we saw each other I think we both knew we would be standing together one day. That was back when I thought you were kitchen staff at Oaklands, of course.’

‘But I knew who you were.’

He put his arm around my shoulder. ‘And it didn’t make any difference to you, so why should it to me? The way I see it, loving you comes with a great deal more complication than loving me could ever do.’

‘You’re right,’ I said a little glumly, making him smile. ‘You have my sympathies. Promise you’ll never give up on me?’

‘I promise. I only hope David is too embarrassed to tell his mother, or yours, what he saw up here.’

I had to speak of it, now the moment had passed and I felt safe from my own unexpectedly fierce desire. ‘Will, about before, when David found us –’

‘I’m not going to tell you I’m sorry,’ he interrupted, but I shook my head.

‘But we can’t … you know. We shouldn’t. And today I felt…’ I was struggling to find the words, but he was there with his own and, as always, they cut straight to the heart of things.

‘Only a word from you would have stopped me.’ He held my shoulders and ducked down so his eyes were level with mine and there was no hiding. ‘And you wouldn’t have said that word, would you?’

‘No,’ I confessed in a small voice. What did that make me? But the sudden, brilliant smile on his face banished the question and replaced it with the knowledge that it simply meant that this man and myself were meant to be together. As we’d both known from the start.

‘Come on,’ he said, tugging my hand, ‘it’s almost time you were back home.’

‘Just a bit longer?’ I pleaded. Despite the faintly tainted atmosphere that drifted around what had, for so long, been our private haven, it was such a heavenly day I hated to think it must end, and that I wouldn’t see Will again for a whole week. He was breath and life to me now, how had I survived so long without him? Soon it would be even longer between chances; the year was aging rapidly and there were few places we could meet without risk.

‘Just a few minutes then.’ He made it sound as though he were doing me the greatest turn, but his eagerness to sit down and draw me down next to him gave him away. I smiled and looked down the hill towards Oaklands Manor. Beautiful it might be, bathed in the reddish gold of the late afternoon sun, but I couldn’t wait for the day when I could move out and set up home with Will.

As if he could read my mind, he slipped his hand into mine. ‘Don’t you think we ought to set a date then?’

‘What about my mother?’

‘Tell her, or don’t. Only you can decide, but you’d better decide quickly.’

‘Oh there you go again, getting all cross and handsome.’

He scowled and turned to press me down into the grass, and kissed me until I could barely breathe.

‘God, Evie…I can’t wait much longer.’ He rolled away to lie staring up at the sky.

I understood he was not blaming me and suddenly, out of nowhere, I whispered, ‘Then let’s not wait.’ I immediately panicked when he looked at me long and consideringly, and wished I hadn’t said it. It would be unfair of me to change my mind now, and I wasn’t even sure I’d be able to, but I felt a churning, nervous wariness at the thought of what I had suggested.

His finger traced a gentle line from my temple to my jaw. ‘Listen. I love you desperately, and you know I want you, but this shouldn’t be something we may someday come to regret. It’s too precious.’

I nodded, part of me relieved, the rest aching like never before, and lay back down, close to his side, reluctant to break contact. ‘Then let’s do something else. Something exciting.’

He gave a soft laugh. ‘Such as what?’

‘Go somewhere. Away from Breckenhall, somewhere where people aren’t interested in us, and we don’t have to pretend we’re not mad about each other.’

‘Are you mad about me?’ he teased.

‘Yes, but only a little bit.’

Still smiling, he twisted towards me and kissed me. It did little to dispel the sense of longing but I couldn’t help smiling in return, and returned his kiss with renewed enthusiasm; now we had agreed to wait, it felt safe to do so. As we broke apart I felt his strong white teeth tug gently at my lower lip, and it was difficult not to pull him close again. ‘So,’ he said, in a voice that had turned faintly husky. He cleared his throat and tried again. ‘You think we should go somewhere we can walk together and hold hands, right in front of everyone?’

‘It sounds silly when you say it like that, but don’t you think it would be wonderful? We could go to the seaside –’

‘The weather won’t last more than another few days.’

‘Then we’ll go as soon as we can. We can take a picnic lunch.’

Will sat up. ‘Why don’t we go to Blackpool?’

‘Blackpool?’ I tried not to sound disappointed; it was his home town, after all. But I’d hoped for somewhere a little more romantic.

‘Do you remember last year, when they lit it all up? Absolutely thousands of lights. For Princess Louise when she opened the promenade.’