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Whispers of Betrayal
‘Glad you’ve come. You can add a bit of class to this bunch,’ Amadeus offered as he made the introductions to the other two dinner guests in the bar. ‘This excuse for illegitimacy is Captain Andrew McKenzie, late of the Royal Engineers. Met him in Bosnia when he was with 33 EOD, dragging out a Scimitar crew that had run themselves into the middle of a minefield. He’s completely mad. The other one comes from a much longer line of bastards – may I present Major the Honourable Freddie Payne? Grenadier Guards, which was formerly commanded by his father. Known as the Great Payne amongst his colleagues in the regiment, for some reason …’
As they exchanged greetings, Mary found her instincts immediately abraded and sensitised. The Army & Navy Club was an unambiguously male bastion, she felt out of place here, and it seemed as though she were watching them all from a distance. She felt uneasy about Freddie Payne from the moment he opened his over-confident mouth. Too much bloody nose, a class thing. Yet there was hunger in his eyes and, she thought, a glint of fear. Like a man who every day has to cross a tightrope just to live, knowing that one day he must surely fall. The air of confidence was a mask as carefully constructed as his expensively capped teeth.
Her feminine instincts played an entirely different game with the other guest, McKenzie, a Highland Scot by upbringing and accent. He was quieter, more intense, not so much withdrawn as watching. On watch, even. He was softly spoken but his sharp blue eyes never rested, as though searching a Highland river for salmon. She could smell the animal in him. She was both shocked and amused to discover herself looking for his wedding ring; she was still more amused to discover there wasn’t one. For a moment, Exmoor seemed very far away. So was Cambodia, from where McKenzie had recently returned after several months’ defusing land mines.
‘Why d’you do it, Andy? After all, there’s damn all money in it,’ Amadeus probed.
‘Perhaps I simply like making things go bang.’
‘Bloody dangerous work.’
‘Even more bloody dangerous if the work’s no’ done.’
‘Trouble with you, Andy, you are the most dangerous kind of soldier,’ Amadeus concluded. ‘Not only a rifle and a sackful of explosive, but principles as well.’
‘Little wonder there was no place for me in the modern Army,’ the engineer replied softly. He gave a perfunctory smile to take the cutting edge off his comment, but Mary noticed the humour failed to reach as far as his eyes. She also noted that Amadeus had spoken in the present tense, like a man who couldn’t let go.
Payne had arrived at the club by an entirely different route. Amadeus had met him during a tour of duty in Northern Ireland which, according to every other unit in the Army, was one of the few postings where Guardsmen did active duty with anything other than pink gins and pussy. Payne’s speciality had been reconnaissance, tracking bandits through the rough terrain of the border country and into the bad-arse areas of Belfast and Derry. Seeing without being seen. Not a soft posting, for had he been caught his ultimate fate was undeniable. A bullet in the back of the head. The only matter left to argument was what they would have done to him before putting him out of his agony. The choices ranged from a portable Black & Decker drill through the kneecaps to a sledgehammer applied with vigour to both his feet. Either way you weren’t going to walk to your funeral.
Payne had seen Amadeus’s letter while in a crowded commuter train on his way to his job in a Mayfair gallery. He had stood – he’d had no choice on that front, for even if he’d fainted he would have been kept upright by the press of bodies around him – and melted with self-recognition as he had read it, particularly the line about ‘a greater humiliation than surrender’.
He understood humiliation. On a daily basis. For Payne had married both well and badly. Well, because of his wife’s connections, the daughter of a former Governor of Bermuda whom he had met when serving as the Governor’s ADC; badly, appallingly badly, because she had turned out to be such a genetically untameable shrew. Her ceaseless harassment had been tolerable while Payne remained an officer in the Guards, their lifestyle maintained by regular subsidies from his father which covered mess bills, polo ponies, skiing in Villars and two spoilt daughters. Yet nothing lasts for ever. His father had fallen into that black hole of financial despair called Lloyd’s and, seeing no respite, had blasted his cares away with both barrels of a shotgun. A Purdey. Tortoiseshell stock, beautiful balance. A family heirloom, later to be sold along with all the rest. ‘The simple dignity of being shot’, in the words of Amadeus’s letter. ‘Nothing but spite and selfishness’, according to his wife, who regardless of Lloyd’s expected her comforts and connections to be maintained, may blisters abound in her crotch.
Payne couldn’t break away. There were times, dark times, when he understood how his father must have felt. He knew he had no grand intellect, that’s why he’d failed the Staff College exams. Twice. There were times when blowing out even a half-brain seemed like a reasonable option, if only to annoy his wife. But here, at least, in the Army & Navy Club, he felt safe, with his wife out of sight and hearing on that dark side of the moon they call Crawley. He felt revived, almost like old times, glad he had written to Amadeus.
The Colonel led them upstairs to the dining room, where they were seated in a quiet corner overlooking St James’s Square. On all sides towered portraits of great men.
‘How about a toast? To the heroes of our nation,’ Amadeus offered.
‘England expects?’ the Scot muttered.
‘Expects too damned much nowadays,’ Payne responded. ‘Lay down your life. Then pay for your own fucking funeral. Bit like marriage.’
With that, the game began.
As the hors d’oeuvres arrived, they began to compete with each other. During the first bottle they fought to prove how the British Army was still the best in the world; during the second they began to acknowledge that, arguably, this was no longer the case. Their best battles were behind them. By the time the third had been ordered, the game had focused on finding ever more vivid means of expressing their contempt for the politicians who had broken faith with them and with so many of their colleagues. The fourth bottle made it clear how much they thought it still mattered to them.
‘Know what those useless sons-of-Soviets are up to? Flogging everything – enriched uranium, any sort of surface-to-air stuff, even full-scale C&B armouries. It’s a nightmare … I know a private collector who bought a T-60 tank last month. Arranged it on the Internet. They even offered him high-explosive squash-heads for the bloody thing, just imagine … That pond life we have for a Foreign Secretary whines on about an era of peace. Doesn’t he know there are at least three active war zones less than a couple of hours’ flying time from London … Don’t bother flying. Fuck, come home with me. Hell of a lot closer than Chechnya. Warfare every damned day … D’ya ken, there are more terrorist groups out on the streets of Europe now than there were when they bulldozed the Berlin Wall … Hey, more means of delivery, too. Not just missiles but suitcase bombs, toxins … How long would it take to wipe out half of London Underground, d’you reckon? Probably got time to do it before the cheese course. Come to think of it, great idea, getting wiped out. Before those bastards in the Inland Revenue do it for me. How about another bottle?’
‘And when you’ve finished ordering it, Peter, shall we stop playing with ourselves and get you to tell us what the devil we’re all doing here?’
‘Ah, Mary, always the direct one. Tell me, how is your former Commanding Officer? Still crawling around on his hands and knees looking for the pieces of his tooth?’
‘I sincerely hope so.’ For a moment memories tugged at the corners of her mouth. ‘But enough of the diversionary tactics, Peter. Cough. What are we celebrating?’
‘Celebrating? Not quite the word I would use.’ Amadeus’s tone grew pensive, almost sad. ‘Met a man the other day, my old RSM. You know the type – would take a raw recruit at breakfast, scare the shit out of him by lunch and by supper have him ripping tanks apart with his teeth. One of the most remarkable men I ever had the honour of serving with. Or getting legless with, come to that. Saved my life once. Mount Longdon. That’s when I swore I would always be there for him.’ He paused. ‘Know where he lives now? On the street. Swapped his uniform for an old dog blanket. Nearly killed himself rushing to pick up one of my cigarette butts.’ He rolled his glass between his palms but didn’t drink. ‘I felt ashamed. To the bottom of my being. I said to myself – this shouldn’t be. I owe him. And all the others like him.’
‘So you write a letter to the bloody newspaper saying so, and the Minister tells you to go fuck yourself,’ Payne interjected, a shade too forcefully. Amadeus studied him carefully, suspecting that the Guardsman had had a drink or two before he’d arrived at the club.
‘What you say is true. I wanted an apology from the Minister. Some sign of remorse. It would have helped. Only words, I know, but words are important in a matter of honour. And this is a matter of honour. But the Minister wouldn’t have it, insisted on telling me and every other man and woman connected with the armed forces to … How did you so eloquently put it, Freddie?’
‘To go fuck ourselves.’
‘Precisely. So unnecessary, I thought. Not a gentleman, our Mr Earwick.’ For a moment it appeared as though he had finished while he attacked his rump steak until the blood ran around his plate.
‘So what are you going to do about it?’
‘Mary, what gives you the idea that I plan to do anything about it?’
‘Because I remember Swanleigh.’
‘Swanleigh?’
‘The cadet who fell asleep in one of the classes you were instructing at Sandhurst.’
‘Aaahh …’
‘You had him stripped and thrown into the river. That’s you all over, Peter. You don’t take crap lying down.’
‘But I was so soft,’ Amadeus protested.
‘Soft? You had his feet tied!’
‘I left his hands free.’
‘It was the middle of bloody February. There was ice on the river …’
‘Was there?’ He sounded almost distracted. ‘Splendid. I bet the dopey bastard never fell asleep in class again. Or on patrol, either.’
Mary laughed. Her laughter was like a call from a distant mountain, noises from a time past. Suddenly she realized how much she was enjoying her day – the invigorating chaos of London, the adventure of meeting new people, even someone like Payne, the excitement of discussing something other than warble fly and infected udders around the dinner table. She was engaged in life once more. She’d almost forgotten what it was like. Suddenly, she dreaded going back.
McKenzie took up the challenge. ‘So what are ye going to do, Peter? Grab Earwig and douse him in the river, too?’
‘What would be the point, Andy?’
‘To encourage him to more vigilance. To change his mind, perhaps.’
‘Assuming he has a mind to change.’
‘Then what about the unadulterated pleasure of revenge? That’d be enough for some.’
Amadeus pushed aside his glass of wine, which had scarcely been touched. It was as though he were making room on the table cloth in front of him for a plan of battle. ‘I think we need more than that. Much more. We need to move the Government. To change their mind.’ Gently, almost tenderly, he smoothed out the creases in the linen. ‘Or have it changed for them.’
‘What, bloody revolution?’
‘No, not revolution. Perhaps more along the lines of a little encouragement. A gentle prod in the right direction. I think they need reminding that the world can still be full of misfortune.’
‘Tell us ’bout it,’ Payne muttered, heavy tongued, as he refilled his own glass.
‘That’s why I invited you all here for dinner. To see whether any of you might be interested in … a matter of honour.’ He returned to the phrase once again, like a call to arms. Or an alibi, perhaps.
He gazed around the table. All three of his guests returned his stare, even Payne, through eyes that were turning to glass.
‘It would require a little risk. And perhaps more than a little time. Here in London, Mary,’ he added, addressing her directly.
‘Not a problem. I’m not going back to Exmoor.’ Her words startled her. The words were entirely unexpected; she hadn’t known until this moment. Yet it seemed so obvious.
‘But what is it that four of us can do?’ McKenzie pressed.
‘Look at yourselves. All of you specialists. The finest the British Army can produce. Communications. Reconnaissance. Munitions. One lunatic Paratrooper. Expertise and madness – the sort of talents that ought to scare the hell out of anyone with a little imagination. And what could we do?’ He looked slowly around the table, staring once more into their eyes, testing them. ‘Why, practically anything we damn well wanted!’
He began to beat his fists upon the table, as though beating a drum, until the cutlery rattled and the glasses sang. And, one by one, the others joined him, a war party, until the noise became so loud that it echoed around the large dining hall.
The waiter turned and slowly shook his head. He might have known it. Ah, Colonel Amadeus. Bit of a mad bugger, that one. Or so he’d heard.
Goodfellowe’s pager stirred. He uttered something rude and not at all profound. The wretched thing made him feel like a criminal, allowed to roam only on condition that he was electronically tagged. For tuppence he’d have thrown the thing in the Thames, but for ambition he now kept it with him, and switched on.
The small screen lit up and began to flash a sickly green.
‘UNLESS YOUR AREA WHIP ADVISES YOU OTHERWISE YOU ARE NOW ON A ONE-LINE WHIP.’
Simon says stand up. Simon says stand down. Turn around. Go jump …
Was it any different when he’d been a Minister? Had high office given him any more control over his life? Control over others, certainly, but his own life? He tried to remember, but couldn’t. It all seemed so long ago, wrapped up with the death of his son Stevie, and he’d spent much of the intervening years trying to block it all out – as his wife Elinor had done, to such terrifying effect.
Goodfellowe rebuked himself; he should stop being churlish. A One-Line Whip meant he didn’t have to bother. It was good news. An evening off. And his thoughts turned to Elizabeth, away in the Ukraine. Half seven in London, two hours later in Odessa. Should be back at her hotel by now.
So he rang, but there was no reply. Nor when he tried again half an hour later.
He hated the feeling of emptiness that struck him when she was away, the insecurity that bit into his humour at times like this. Was it that he felt inadequate? Or didn’t trust her? Or was it that he didn’t trust himself? The more he struggled with the questions, the more he realized he wasn’t likely to enjoy any of the answers, so he stopped. He telephoned Sam instead.
In the years since the death of Stevie and during the misery of his wife’s final and irreversible mental decline, Samantha had often been his only hold on happiness, the rock on which he had managed to rebuild his shattered life. She was now eighteen, studying the history of art at London University, and had digs less than two miles from his own apartment, yet he hadn’t seen her in almost a month. His fault. Things always seemed his fault. Time to do something about it.
But life somehow never quite fell into place for Goodfellowe.
‘No, don’t come round, Dad,’ she insisted when he called. ‘I’m meeting a friend in half an hour. At the coffee shop. But …’ – a sudden decision – ‘come and join us. He’d love to meet you.’
Whoever ‘he’ was.
Goodfellowe made it there five minutes early and commandeered a table with a good view of the window. They arrived holding hands. ‘Dad, meet Darren. And so forth.’ She waved the two together.
Darren’s hand was firm, his eye steady, his hair neatly trimmed, indeed everything that one might expect of a graduate student at the Business School, as Darren turned out to be. He was amusing, ambitious, evidently a young man of the world. Holding hands with his daughter. Touching. Brushing against her. Being almost proprietorial.
Goodfellowe decided he’d have to be adult about that. Trouble was, he wasn’t always very good at the ‘grown-up’ thing when it came to his daughter. Every time she produced a new boyfriend it was always the same, that initial feeling of panic and distress. Like sitting in the dentist’s chair watching the needle approach, knowing it was likely to hurt.
‘It’s been too long, Sam,’ he smiled, extracting the teabag from his mug. There was nowhere to put the dripping mess. That’s how they made tea in a coffee shop.
‘S’pose it has,’ she offered, trying to bend her youthful mind around the elusive concept of Time. ‘Almost like when I was younger. You remember? Those years when I only ever saw you on television?’
It wasn’t intended to make him feel guilty. She succeeded nonetheless.
‘Not quite the same, I dare say.’ He made a fuss over his hot tea, as though his lips were burning rather than his cheeks. ‘But since we’re discussing seeing each other at a distance, did I catch sight of you the other day? At Trafalgar Square?’
She beamed. ‘Sensational, wasn’t it?’
‘Bloody inconvenient. But I got your point.’
‘You should have joined in, Dad.’
‘I did. No choice. But for what it’s worth, I agree, something has to be done.’ He bit into a croissant, the pleasure of which was considerably devalued by the avalanche of flakes that was sent tumbling down his chest.
‘That’s not quite what I expected to hear from a politician, Mr Goodfellowe,’ Darren interjected.
‘My party bosses frequently tell me that I’m not what they expect from a politician,’ he responded, picking crumbs from his tie.
‘I don’t understand … You agree something ought to be done. Everybody seems to agree. So why doesn’t it happen?’
Goodfellowe rubbed the motif on his tie, wondering whether it was a stain or the design. ‘Because I am a humble backbencher. Parliamentary pond life. If I speak sense no one will hear it above the noise of the rabble. If I shout loud enough for anyone to take notice I simply make myself part of the rabble.’ Damn. Stain. ‘Anyway, it’s all very well setting yourself up as Robin Hood, rushing around trying to right all those wrongs, but I can tell you it gets damp and very cold out there on your own in the forest.’
‘You’re saying parliamentary politics are pointless?’
‘No, not at all. But if you really want to make things happen – as you put it – you need to have your hands on some of the levers. Be a Minister.’
‘So it’s being a backbencher that is pointless?’ Darren pressed, before realizing the unintended slight. ‘Oh, I’m sorry, Mr Goodfellowe …’
Goodfellowe laughed, wondering how Darren managed to keep his tie so straight. Did he use a different knot? Somewhere he’d read there were seventeen different ways of doing it. ‘Call me Tom. And, no, being a backbencher isn’t entirely pointless. It only seems that way at times.’ Most of the bloody time, actually, but he didn’t want to take honesty too far. Might scare the children.
‘But I thought you rather enjoyed being Robin Hood,’ Sam joined in. ‘You know … the independence. The free life. Getting out among the serfs.’
‘Sure, but … It’s one of the things I wanted to chat with you about, darling daughter. Get your view. Of course I enjoy playing Robin Hood. It’s just that at times – perhaps too many times – you feel about as much use as a fly on a windscreen. That’s why I’m thinking of becoming – trying to become, at least – a Minister once more.’
‘You? A Minister?’ Sam sounded startled.
‘Bit like you at Trafalgar Square the other day. In fact, just like that. You know, wanting to make a difference.’
‘You want to become a Minister?’ The question was repeated, very slowly, the breath rattling hoarsely in her throat, with every syllable emphasized as though the words were being constructed from first principles.
‘Yes.’
‘I can’t believe you.’
‘Why?’
‘You want to join the most bankrupt Government since …’
‘The economy’s a mess, sure, but …’
‘I’m not talking money,’ she bit back, her voice raised. ‘Whatever happened to principle? To all those promises that Bendall conned us with at the last election? About education? About the environment? About the future?’ She was trembling, her half-drunk cappuccino spilling into the saucer. ‘I thought you cared about all that. And now you want to climb into bed with those sleazeballs?’
‘It’s precisely because I care that I want to help. Make changes. Push the system along from the inside.’ He had been taken aback and was grasping for suitable words to explain. ‘A wise old Tibetan once said that a single drop of rain upon the desert …’
‘Dad, this isn’t sodding Tibet,’ she butted in, shoving her way past his words. ‘You’re selling out.’
‘I’m not. Be reasonable, for God’s sake. There has to be a bit of give and take.’
‘What – like last time?’ There were tears brimming in her eyes, now they were tumbling down her cheeks. ‘Haven’t we given enough? Mummy? Stevie …?’ She could say no more, choking back the pain, scrabbling for a tissue from the bottom of her bag.
Goodfellowe found himself utterly lost in the midst of this sudden blizzard. Hadn’t he given enough, too? What was he supposed to do, give up his ambition, his desire? Turn his back on the new life he had embarked upon, with its influence and its authority? And with Elizabeth? Simply because the Prime Minister had the scruples of a timeshare salesman?
‘Sorry, Darren,’ he apologized for the family scene. ‘Politics are all about passion.’
‘I agree.’ His voice had remarkable authority for his years. ‘That’s why I voted for Bendall. He talked about all the things I feel so passionately for.’ He shrugged. Broad shoulders, athletic. ‘But perhaps I’m naïve. I agree with Sam. Above all politics should be about principle. And for Bendall to take a stand on principle is about as likely as Scunthorpe hosting the next Olympics.’
‘That’s a little harsh …’
‘A very flexible man, is our Prime Minister. He promised us the earth at the last election. Trouble is, we’re still waiting for it. Bit like a drunk in the bar who promises to buy a round but always has to borrow the money to do it. Well, if he won’t pay, he’ll just have to be forced to pay. And if that means screwing up Trafalgar Square and every other part of London, so be it. Nothing personal, you understand, Mr Goodfellowe.’
‘Hang on, I thought you were in business studies,’ Goodfellowe offered breathlessly.
‘I am. I’m also chair of the university Environmental Alliance. That’s how Sam and I met.’
‘Well, I suppose it’s all very wonderful being young and able to ride two horses at once. Business. Environmentalism. But, sadly, life forces us to make choices – yes, even to make compromises. Just like politics.’ He knew it was patronizing crap a millisecond after it’d left his mouth.
‘I don’t see why. One day I want to run a major corporation. Where better to be if you’re passionate about the future of the planet? Or are you still locked in that time warp where all environmentalists wander around in dreadlocks and live in some sweaty tunnel beneath a motorway?’
‘Somehow I feel I’m the one who’s just been digging himself a hole.’ He looked across at Sam, moved his hand towards her. ‘I need help. Should I send for a shovel?’ It was meant to lighten the moment, a peace offering. She threw back a look of bloodshot betrayal.
Once again Goodfellowe’s life had turned into a battlefield upon which the two halves of his being, family and politics, were waging war. Stevie had drowned while Goodfellowe was attending to his red boxes. Too busy to play dad. No one’s fault, really, just one of those bloody unfair things. No one had said anything, but Goodfellowe knew that Sam, his wife, everyone, blamed him. He knew that beyond any doubt because he, too, blamed himself. So a family at war, a war that was undeclared but never forgotten. It was the reason why he had resigned as a Minister in the first place, from a sense of guilt and also a sense of duty to his wife and to Sam, to find the space in which he could sort himself out. Yet now his life had become more complicated than ever, with Sam on one side, Elizabeth on the other. Damn.