The Parting Glass

Nora’s existence was a welcome surprise. Peggy had expected to clean and cook, but Irene had explained that she could never sack dear Nora or worry her by letting Peggy take on any of her jobs. Nora brought news from the village, fresh groceries and a blithe presence that disguised the analytical soul of a military commander. No one except Nora had the same stiff standards as the mistress of the house, and the two women gleefully plotted each morning to rid Tierney Cottage of every hint of dust.

The evening had been almost warm, and Peggy had slept with the windows open. This morning a cool breeze stirred the lace curtains, but sun beamed outside the windows. The house smelled pleasantly of centuries of peat fires, an organic, earthy fragrance imbedded deeply in wood and stone. The breeze smelled of the ocean, a quarter of a mile in the distance.

Peggy wondered, as she did every morning, what her ancestors had thought upon rising each day. Had they been so worn with hunger and care that they cursed the rocky windswept promontory on which some more romantic forefather had built their home and grazed their sheep? Had they cursed the invader who had taxed them heavily and sent their food to market when they needed it to feed their children? Had they stopped, for even a moment, and felt a surge of gratitude for the beauty of their surroundings?

Finn had said she would see leprechauns and fairy hills, but the good doctor was wrong. Peggy saw reality. That didn’t make her love it any less.

Kieran stirred, then came fully awake. He laughed, a sound that always thrilled her to the marrow. She didn’t know at what, and she didn’t care. His laughter, as rare as it was, still meant Kieran might someday find real humor in his life. A laughing child was not afraid or confused or oblivious to his surroundings.

“Kieran,” she called softly. “Kieran…”

She sat up and looked over at his crib. Kieran lay on his side, looking at her. “Kieran,” she said with a big smile. “How’s my little guy?”

He smiled and laughed again. Her smile widened. Then she saw that his gaze was fixed on the wall just behind her. She turned and saw sunlight reflected through the east window. It glistened and moved as the lace curtain blew.

“You like that, don’t you?” she said, only a bit disappointed. “It’s like liquid gold, isn’t it?” She held up her hand, index and middle fingers like bunny ears. “Hip hop goes the bunny rabbit.” Her little shadow bunny hopped across the wall.

Kieran screeched in excitement, and Peggy felt a surge of the same. She made the bunny hop backward. Forward, backward, a quick dip out of sight and then back up. An ear quirked, then straightened. “Here comes Peter Cottontail,” she sang off key. “Hopping down the bunny trail.” She couldn’t think of the rest of the words. She hummed instead and made her bunny hop in rhythm.

Kieran stood and shook the bars of his crib. “Hi. Hi.”

“Bunny,” Peggy said. “Bun-ny.”

“Hi, hi!”

She was so glad to see him happy that nothing else mattered. This was a little thing for most mothers, but with Kieran, unbridled happiness was rare enough to be treasured. She would never take any child’s joy for granted again.

She rose when she tired of the bunny hopping and went to the crib. He looked up at her, then over at the wall, his bottom lip quivering.

“Yes, Mommy made the bunny hop,” she said. “Kieran can make him hop, too.” She lifted him from the crib and took him to her bed, propping herself on the pillows as she had before. Then she took his resistant little hand and held it up in the beam of sunlight.

“See, Kieran can make shadows, too.”

He had stiffened the moment she touched him. He was still stiff, but interested. She could see his little eyes narrow in concentration.

“Kieran can make shadows, too.” She took his arm by the elbow and gently moved it back and forth, back and forth. His fist was balled, as if he was about to strike out. He watched the shadow change and cocked his head to examine it better.

“Kieran can make shadows.” She pointed to the shadow of his fist. “Shadow.” Then she moved his arm again. “Back and forth, back and forth.”

She watched his expression. He forgot to resist, to tense, to be afraid. He was caught up in the movement. She guided his hand, but he did the work.

He tired at last, scrambling to get down, but she held on to him. “Sorry, partner, but let’s do a quick change before you go scurrying off.” He protested, but she was firm. In a few minutes his diaper was changed and clean overalls had replaced his pajamas. Then Peggy slipped into jeans and a fleece sweatshirt before she opened the door into the living room.

The living room was the loveliest in the house, with plastered white walls, stone floors and high ceilings. A fireplace for burning blocks of turf snuggled into one wall; mismatched windows with spectacular views of rock-strewn fields and sheep snuggled into two of the others.

“Good morning,” she called to Nora. “What a beautiful day.”

“It is that,” Nora said. “And herself’s having a bit of a lie-in this morning.”

Peggy came to attention. Irene was usually bathed, dressed and waiting for Nora before she arrived. “She’s not feeling worse, is she?”

“No worse than usual, if that’s what you mean. Only tired. Hip’s bothering her a bit, and she didn’t sleep as well as she might have.”

Peggy had made sure Irene took all her medicine before retiring, so she knew that couldn’t be the problem. Irene had gladly agreed to let her take control of all health matters, and Peggy had drawn a chart to make sure every pill was taken on time.

“She may need more anti-inflammatories,” Peggy said. “I’ll talk to Dr. O’Malley.”

“She takes a barrel of pills as it is.” Nora was somewhere in her fifties, silver-haired and thin as the rushes in Irene’s meadows. She was widowed—claiming that widowhood was an improvement over what had come before—but she had three adored sons who lived in the county and six grandchildren, so she never lacked for family.

“She takes quite a few,” Peggy agreed, “but not too many. Dr. O’Malley’s a careful man.”

“He was the best doctor in Mayo, and that’s a fact. My family went to him, from granny on down. And we were all better for it.”

Peggy tilted her head in question. “Was?”

“Surely you know he doesn’t practice anymore?”

Peggy had a forlorn vision of a medical license suspended and wondered if Irene was in such good hands after all. “I didn’t know. Why in the world?”

“I’d tell you if I had time for a cup of tea and a chat, but there’s none this morning. He’s on his way, and I promised Irene I’d bring her a tray in bed.”

“Of course. I’m sorry. I’ll ask Irene….” She looked up from fastening a snap on Kieran’s shirt. “Is it okay to ask her?”

“Oh, she’ll be happy to tell you, I’m sure.”

“I’ll make Kieran’s breakfast.”

“All done, and yours as well.”

Peggy thanked her, and Nora gave her a warm smile. “You’re not what I expected, you know.”

“I’m not?”

“We only see the telly. What do we know?”

Peggy hated to think her countrymen were represented worldwide by “Survivor” and “The Simpsons.” “I’m afraid if you were expecting glamour or excitement, you picked the wrong girl.”

“I hoped for good manners and a warm heart and got them both.”

Peggy was touched. “You and Irene are wonderful. I couldn’t be luckier.”

“Enough of this, I’ve got work to do.” Nora headed for the kitchen.

Peggy joined her there as soon as she could drag Kieran away from a window overlooking the road. The window was low enough that he could see over the ledge, and the view of endless stone walls lined with wind-tortured evergreens, blackthorn and fuschia always seemed to fascinate him. She’d found him there many times in the past week and wondered exactly what he saw.

“There’s porridge and bacon, and I made coffee the way you like it,” Nora said, passing back and forth between the stove and the tiny refrigerator.

“I love the way you take care of me, but I worry we’re too much work.”

“Not at all. I’d have cooked the same, only less.”

Peggy installed Kieran at the table. Before their arrival Irene had borrowed baby furniture from families in the parish, never having needed any herself. The high chair nestled perfectly against an old pine table, scrubbed in its time by generations of Tierney women.

She fixed oatmeal for her son with honey and lots of fresh, sweet milk straight from a neighbor’s dairy. She was particularly careful about Kieran’s diet, foregoing all sweets and processed foods, since some people felt they were a particular problem for autistic children. She cut him a thick slice of the brown soda bread Nora had brought with her that morning from the village grocery, and thought of Megan and the bread she made for lunches at the Whiskey Island Saloon, lunches her sister wouldn’t be serving again until the renovation was completed.

Nora dried her hands on a tea towel. “I hear the doctor’s car. I’ll just go and let him in.”

Peggy finished fixing breakfast for Kieran, who was beginning to whine and pound the table. “I’m almost done, kiddo,” she said. “Good food for a good boy.” She set the plate with bread in front of him, the same plastic plate he had used at home. He ate the bread with his fingers and ignored the spoon she set beside the bowl of oatmeal.

Peggy made a note to herself to introduce holding the spoon during Kieran’s “school time” that morning. In the meantime, she spooned oatmeal into his mouth whenever he would let her.

A piece of bread hit the floor, and she stooped to pick it up and carry it to the trash container under the sink. When she straightened, Finn was standing in the doorway.

“He loses more than he eats,” Finn said.

“Does he look malnourished to you, Doctor?”

“Finn. Nora tells me you have advice for me?”

Peggy realized he was talking about the anti-inflammatories. “Not advice. I’m not that presumptuous. I did have a question, though. Irene’s hip has been giving her fits.”

“She refused surgery when it was an option. It’s not an option now.”

Peggy knew that much. She also knew Finn wanted to cut the conversation short. He was always curt with her, but by the same token, he was always warm and reassuring with Irene, a completely different man. She forgave him a lot because of that.

“Is there anything else we can do for the pain? Increase her anti-inflammatories? She won’t tell you she’s hurting.”

His expression softened. “But I know.”

“And there’s nothing you can do?”

“Her medication is a careful balance. She’s reached that unenviable stage when one need overshadows another, and hard choices have to be made.”

Peggy felt just a glimmer of the excitement that had highlighted each moment of her brief med school career. This was what she had studied so hard for. The choices. The careful balancing of priorities. The ability to alleviate pain and change lives for the better. “I know it’s difficult,” she said. “Quantity vs. quality of life.”

“It’s rarely that simple.”

“I thought you’d want to know,” she said. “I’m not trying to step on your toes.”

“I do, you’re right. Thank you.”

She studied him. During her week in Ireland she had come to the conclusion that Finn was one of the handsomest men she’d ever meet. He was tall and lithe, but not too thin. His black hair was curly and just a little too long. She liked it that way. It gave him a brooding, Byronesque appearance that wasn’t belied by the man himself. He had strong bones and dark brows sheltering eyes that took in everything but gave little in return.

The few men who had briefly shared her life—including Phil—had been stark opposites. Open, friendly faces, stores of small talk so that she didn’t have to work when she was with them. She didn’t like to guess thoughts or feelings. She’d never had the inclination or the leisure to try.

This man was different. Perhaps it was the relative peace of life here, the additional time for contemplation, but at odd moments she found herself wondering about Finn. He was a mystery, and for once in her life she had the time to look for solutions.

“How has the boy taken to life here?” Finn asked.

The question surprised her. Except for grilling her about her tenuous relationship to Irene, he had asked very few questions since picking her up at Shannon. “He’s adjusting,” Peggy said. “Finn, would you like some coffee?”

He shook his head. “You have plans to work with him yourself?”

“I’ve already begun. We’ve made a little classroom in the third bedroom. I’m starting today.”

“You’re qualified?”

“Who could be more qualified? Who loves him more and cares more about what happens to him?”

“Love gets in the way more often than not.” He said this as if he were Moses recapping the Ten Commandments for the Israelites.

“It can.” Peggy put more bread on the table in front of Kieran before she went to the slate counter to pour herself some of the coffee Finn had refused. “I know I have to be objective. But I have great materials, contacts on the Internet and a therapist I’ll consult with by telephone when I need to.” She waited until her cup was full before she turned. “And frankly, I’m cheap enough that I can afford myself.”

He actually smiled. She had the same feeling she’d had that morning when Kieran smiled. For a moment the sun came out and life seemed filled with potential.

“You don’t strike me as cheap, Miss Donaghue.”

“If you’re Finn, I’m Peggy. Otherwise I’ll have to reconsider.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment. The smile was gone now, the face carefully blank. When he spoke at last, the words seemed to come from some place where he hadn’t lived for a while. “I have some children’s toys. Irene says you brought very few and need more. I can bring them for Kieran, if you’d like.”

The last things she had expected from Finn were assistance or the depth of emotion that seemed to echo in the simple offer. For a moment she didn’t know what to say. Then she nodded. “We’ll be very careful with them, but, Finn, I can’t guarantee—”

He lifted a hand, as if to ward off the rest of her words. “No need. I won’t want them back. Give them away if there’s anything left when he’s finished.” He turned without another word and disappeared into the living room.

She was left wondering exactly what price the man had just paid. And for what.

Irene Tierney was too thin, and it took her too long to get from one place to the other on legs that no longer seemed to do what they were told. Her hair was as white as the waves cresting at the shoreline, and her gray eyes behind thick glasses were filmed with early stage cataracts. She was bent, gnarled and blissfully young in spirit.

“It’s a blessing of growing old,” she told Peggy that afternoon after lunch. “You see yourself the way you were once upon a time. Not the way others see you. I’m twenty-seven. Just a bit older than you, dear.”

“Do you have pictures? So I can see you that way, too?”

“I have an album as thick as your forearm, but later, when you aren’t so worn out.”

Peggy was tired. The morning hadn’t gone well. She knew it would take time for Kieran to get used to the classroom and the “lessons” they were working on together. She had chosen the simplest things to start with. Holding a spoon. Stacking two blocks. Pointing to herself when she said “Where’s Mommy? Here’s Mommy.” She had worked in the smallest increments, planning to reward him with cheese or crackers, two of his favorite foods, if any progress was made.

No progress had been made.

“It didn’t go well, did it?” Irene asked. “Today, with the bábai.”

“As well as I expected.” Peggy watched Kieran’s eyes droop. He looked as tired as she felt, although he hadn’t yet abandoned his favorite window. “Everything takes time.”

“He has gifts. I’m sure of it. I feel them in his soul when I look at him. What does he see, do you suppose, when he stares out that window?”

“I wish I knew. I wish I could step into his world and see. It would help so much.”

“You know, don’t you, that you can’t manage this on your own?”

Peggy started to protest, but Irene shushed her. “You’re patient and hardworking, but even the best teacher needs help. And it will be good for the boy to have other people interact with him.”

“He’s always had lots of people interacting with him. Too many. My family took charge of him, carried him everywhere, fussed over him. That’s one of the reasons—” Peggy abruptly fell silent.

“I’m guessing now, but could it be you feel a tiny bit guilty about that? That so many others took care of him while you went to school and worked?”

Irene wasn’t psychic. Peggy had led her to that conclusion, she supposed, with other things she’d said. From the beginning Irene had wanted to know everything about her life and that of her sisters. Irene was hungry for family and couldn’t be filled up quickly enough. They had talked nonstop for a week.

“I do feel guilty,” Peggy admitted. “I keep thinking that if I’d just been there all the time, he would have bonded to me. That he would need me in a way he doesn’t seem to now.”

“Isn’t that part of his condition? Not to bond with the people who love him, at least not in the way we want him to?”

Peggy had been surprised and touched to discover all that Irene had taught herself about autism. She had done a concerted search on her beloved Internet and knew just about everything it had to teach about the disorder. “It is part of it, but I worry that I caused it.”

“You and every mother of such a child.”

“He needs lots of time with me now.”

“That he’ll get, no matter what you decide. But won’t he improve quicker if you have a little help and more teaching time? A girl from the village, perhaps? Maybe one who wants to be a teacher herself someday. We could ask Nora for advice.”

“I’ll think about it.” Peggy rose to get her son before he fell asleep on his feet. “I did have a piece of good news this morning.”

“Did you?”

“Finn says he has toys for Kieran. I’m not sure what, exactly, but he says he doesn’t need them anymore.” She lifted Kieran, who immediately began to fuss. “I’ll be right back.”

“I’m not planning a holiday anytime soon.”

Peggy returned after Kieran was in his crib. She’d left him thumping his hand across the bars. He would continue until he fell asleep mid-thump.

“Toys?” Irene said. “That’s remarkable, you know.”

“How and why?” Peggy paused. “And Nora told me this morning that Finn isn’t a doctor anymore. The man’s a real mystery to me.”

“The stories are connected,” Irene said. “Sit a moment.”

Peggy did, although she was aching to get outside for a walk. She and Kieran had taken one earlier, but they hadn’t gotten far. Kieran was afraid of wind, of which there was a great deal on the coast, and she’d had to bring him inside after only a few minutes.

Irene went straight to the heart of the story. “Finn lost his wife and two sons just two years ago. They drowned in a storm. Finn’s sorry that he didn’t. He’s never forgiven himself.”

Peggy was stunned. “That’s too sad to comprehend.”

“Immeasurably so, yes. Luckily his daughter wasn’t with him. Bridie was older than the boys and spending the day with a friend. They found Finn near shore, nearly drowned himself. Afterward he simply gave up.” Irene shrugged. “Lost interest in practicing medicine. In living, as well…”

Peggy was torn between sympathy and concern for Irene. Finn was still Irene’s physician. “But he still sees at least some patients?”

“Oh, he’s kept his office in town, but he claims that’s only because there’s not much commerce in real estate here and no one to sell it to. No, he sees only me, and only because I refuse to see anyone else. I told Finn I’d die in my bed rather than see Dr. Joseph Beck and nearly proved it. He treats me because I was his granny’s best friend, and he doesn’t want to answer to her in the next world. Eveleen could pinch the back of a neck just so.” Irene demonstrated in the air. “It’s nothing to look forward to.”

Peggy was still caught up in Finn’s tragedy. “That explains so much about him. He’s so…” She couldn’t think of a kind word.

“Difficult,” Irene supplied. “Yes, he is that, our Finn. He wasn’t always. He’s never been easy, but in the old days he was a pleasure to know. The pleasure has gone out of it now. Lucky for him the people of Shanmullin remember the old Finn and pray he’ll be back. No one understands pain better than the Irish, although there are many others who are our rivals in that curse.”

“The toys must have belonged to his sons.”

“I suspect so. And it won’t be getting rid of them that will be the problem. No, the problem will come when he has to touch them, put them in new boxes to bring to us, remember…”

“Does having Bridie help, do you think? He must be so grateful she was spared.”

“A difficult man, and a difficult father these days, I’m afraid. He was one of the best until the drownings. But he’s kept his pain locked inside and never shared it with her. She’s a sweet little thing, one of my favorite people in the wide world. You’ll meet her soon, I expect. She visits often.”

“How old is she?”

Irene did the math. “Eleven. And if she doesn’t find her father again soon, she’ll be looking for him in other men soon enough, mark my words.” Irene patted Peggy’s hand. “Nora’s planning to stay until four. It’s windows today, and scrubbing the floors. Why don’t you take a ride into the village? Do you some good. If Kieran wakes up, we’ll be sure he’s happy.”

Peggy doubted her son would wake. Predictability was the way he dealt with his confusing life. The thought of biking into Shanmullin, which so far she’d only seen in passing, was tempting. Irene had told her there were bicycles in a nearby shed. Peggy was sure they were old, and just as sure they were well kept up.

“You’re certain?” she said.

“Oh yes.”

Peggy could feel energy returning. Fresh air and exercise were more likely to restore her than a nap. She hugged Irene. “What can I get for you in the village?”

“Now, I was hoping you’d ask. There’s a list in the kitchen. You run on and have a good time. Turn right on the main road and you’ll be in the village before too long. Just be sure to mark the end of the boreen in your mind so you don’t get lost coming home.”

Freedom. With a smile and a grateful wave, Peggy went to find the list and say goodbye to Nora.

chapter 8

Peggy calculated that she had almost two hours before Kieran woke up. She had another teaching session planned for the afternoon. More holding a spoon, more “Mommy,” and a fierce coloring session with a red crayon. If there was time or patience left, she would begin teaching him to turn the pages in a cardboard picture book. So far he’d shown no interest in the stories that were read to him, but she was hoping that would change.

She found an assortment of bicycles in the shed. One, shiny green with a deep basket, looked newer than the others, and a trial run proved it was in good working order. She started up the lane, turning when she was halfway to wave at the women in the cottage, who were undoubtedly spurring her on.

After a week of gloom the day was breathtakingly lovely, just cool enough to keep her from growing overheated as she struggled up the incline that led to the main road. Wild primroses grew in the ditch, and iris made ready to burst into bloom. Hovering in the distance, she could see the Atlantic, with mist-shrouded Clare Island, and farther beyond, Croagh Patrick, the conical mountain named after the saint who was said to have fasted there. Fuschia in the hedgerow were just beginning to bloom, the scarlet flowers bobbing in the gentle wind, and a magpie roosted on the lichen-encrusted stone walls, watching her with a startling lack of concern.