A Single Dad To Heal Her Heart

‘Matt? Wow,’ he said softly, something slightly odd in his voice that puzzled her. ‘How is he?’

Even more puzzling. ‘He’s fine. Why?’

‘I just wondered. I haven’t seen him since his wife died.’

She felt a slither of cold run down her spine. ‘His wife died?’ she said, her voice hollow, because she’d just worked out he was married, but he wasn’t, or at least not any more...

‘Yeah. Juliet, and they had two tiny children. She had a brain haemorrhage while we were at a conference, and she didn’t make it. I’m sure I told you about it. It must have been two years ago.’

That was Matt? She felt sick. ‘You did, I remember. Oh, that’s awful. I didn’t know it was him. So he’s got two little children?’

‘Yes, a boy and a girl. They were just babies, really. I suppose Charlie must be nearly three now, and I should think Amber’s about to start school, but it was desperately sad. He’s a really nice guy—friendly, funny, easygoing, but rock solid and utterly reliable. I’m sure he’s a brilliant father.’

Her heart ached for him. ‘I’m sure he is.’ And it explained the thing she hadn’t been able to identify that lurked in the back of his eyes, and the fact that, embargo or not, every night he’d disappeared for a few minutes.

To check the children were OK, and talk to them?

And it also explained why he’d left her this evening rather than come in, and why he’d looked torn about it. Not because he was married, but because he had two little people who would have been missing him.

‘So he seemed OK to you?’ her father was asking.

Had he?

‘Yes, absolutely fine—or I thought so. He didn’t say anything about it, but Sam had banned us from talking about home or work. It was all about having a clean slate and not making pre-judgements about each other, but I would never have guessed all that in a million years.’

‘No, I don’t suppose he’d show it, anyway. He probably wanted to leave it at home. I hear he’s an excellent surgeon. He showed huge promise nine years ago, so I’m not surprised he’s a consultant now. I think he was only about thirty-four or so when Juliet died, but he’d done a spell with the Helicopter Emergency Medical Service, and by the time she died he was a specialist registrar in a major London trauma unit, poised and ready for a serious consultancy. It’s a massive career change for him to move to sleepy Suffolk, but it’s obvious why he’s done it. I know his family are in the area. Give him our best wishes when you see him again, and tell him we often think about him.’

‘I will. So—talking of fathers,’ she said, changing the subject because frankly she needed time to let all that lot settle, ‘how are the plans for your sixtieth coming on?’

He laughed ruefully. ‘I have no idea. Your mother’s sorting that out, but I believe we’re having a marquee at home and a catered buffet and dancing. Jamie’s doing the playlist so goodness knows what the music’ll be like, and Abbie and your mother have chosen the menu but I have no idea what’s on it. To be honest I’m trying not to think about it because I don’t feel that old, so I’m in denial.’

She chuckled softly. ‘Well, if it’s any consolation, Dad, you don’t look it, either, so I’d enjoy your party and go with the flow. So what have you guys been up to over the weekend?’

* * *

He let himself in quietly, and found his mother dozing in the family room. He closed the door softly, and she stirred.

‘Hi, Mum. I’m home.’

Her eyes blinked open and she smiled. ‘Oh, hello, darling. I must have dozed off. Did you have a lovely time?’

He stooped and kissed her cheek and dropped onto the sofa beside her. ‘Great, thanks to you. How’ve they been?’

‘Fine, if a little wearing. Have you been worrying?’

He laughed softly. ‘Not really—not about them, more about being so far away. All the what-ifs. You know...’

‘Yes, of course I know. I knew you would be, but we’ve all been fine. They’ve been as good as gold all weekend. I’ve only just put them to bed but I’m sure they won’t mind if you wake them. I would have kept them up for you but they were shattered. They’ve been really busy. Amber’s drawn you hundreds of pictures, and Charlie’s helped me in the garden, and we’ve been to the beach and made sandcastles with the Shackleton tribe, and we went there on a play date this morning as well, which was nice. They’re lovely people.’

‘They are. And it was a godsend that Annie let Ed take their eight-seater car. Getting around up there wouldn’t have been nearly so easy without it, but poetic justice, he and his teammate won the challenge, which was good.’

‘Not your team?’

He smiled wryly. ‘No. My teammate hurt her ankle, but to be honest just being so far away from the kids was enough of a challenge. It was beautiful there, though, and I’m really glad I went. Anyway, I don’t want to hold you up, I expect you want to get home, don’t you?’

‘Don’t you want me to stay tonight? If I know you, you’ll want to be in early tomorrow.’

He shook his head, nothing further from his mind. ‘No. Tomorrow I want to get the kids up and spend at least a little time with them before I drop them at nursery, so feel free to go, Mum. You must be exhausted. I know I am.’

She smiled gratefully. ‘Oh, well, in that case...’

She kissed him goodnight and left, and he carried his luggage up, peeped round the corner at Charlie lying sprawled flat on his back across his bed, and went into Amber’s room. She was snuggled on her side, but the moment he went in her eyes popped open and she scrambled up, throwing herself into his arms as he sat on the bed.

‘Daddy!’

‘Hello, my precious girl,’ he murmured as she snuggled into him. He buried his face in her tangled hair and inhaled the smell of beach and sunshine and pasta sauce, and smiled.

It was so good to be home...

* * *

Her ankle felt better the next day.

Still sore, and she was definitely hobbling, but whatever that crunch had been it was better rather than worse. She went to work in her trainers because they were the only shoes that fitted comfortably, and the second Sam caught sight of her she was whisked into X-Ray to get it and her ribs checked out.

‘All clear,’ he said, sounding relieved. ‘Right, you can go home now.’

‘No, I can’t. I’m here to work.’

‘Seriously?’

‘Seriously. I’m fine.’

Sam sighed, shrugged and gave in. ‘OK, but sit when you can, take breaks and put it up whenever possible. You need a bit more support on it, I think. Is that strapping adequate?’

‘It’s fine. It’s really good. Matt knows his stuff. It feels OK.’

He rolled his eyes. ‘If you say so. I’m not convinced I believe you, but we’re short-staffed as usual so I’m not going to argue, but you’re in Minors—and the moment it hurts—’

‘Sam, I’ll be fine,’ she assured him, and he shrugged again and left her to it, so she went and picked up the first set of notes and found her patient, all the time wondering if Matt would be called down to the ED and if so, if he’d speak to her.

He wasn’t needed, but he appeared anyway just after one, to her relief, because after the initial rush in Minors it had all settled down to a steady tick-over and she had far too much time to think about him and what her father had told her.

She was standing at the central work station filling in notes when she felt him come up behind her. How did she know it was him? No idea, but she did, and she turned and met his concerned eyes.

‘Hi. I didn’t expect you to be here,’ he murmured. ‘How’s the ankle?’

‘Better, thanks. Your strapping seems to be working. It’s my mind I’ve got problems with. Sam’s put me in Minors,’ she told him, and she could hear the disgust in her voice.

So could he, evidently, because he chuckled softly.

‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘I rang him and asked how you were, and he told me you were cross you were out of Resus.’

She laughed at that, because it was sort of true. ‘I’m not really cross, and I know someone has to do Minors, but it’s gone really quiet and now I’m just bored.’

‘Shh, don’t say that, you never say that,’ he said, his eyes twinkling, and he glanced at his phone. ‘Have you had lunch?’

‘No. My fridge was pretty empty, and I don’t fancy chocolate or crisps out of the vending machine.’

‘Well, now might be a good time to make a break for it.’

‘Except I can’t get to the café easily. Walking from the car park was bad enough.’

‘Soon fix that,’ he said, and, glancing over his shoulder, he made a satisfied noise and retrieved an abandoned wheelchair.

She stared at it in horror. ‘You have to be joking.’

‘Not in the slightest. Sit down or I’ll put you in it.’

He would. She knew that perfectly well after yesterday, so with a sigh of resignation she sat in the wheelchair and Jenny, one of the senior nurses, nodded and grinned.

‘Well done, Matt.’

‘Don’t encourage him—and call me if you need me, Jenny. I won’t be long. And I can push myself,’ she said, reaching for the wheels.

‘No, you can’t, it’s not that sort of chair,’ he pointed out, and whisked her down the corridor, out of the side entrance and into the park.

Five minutes later they were sitting on a bench under a tree, armed with cold drinks and sandwiches. He patted his lap. ‘Put your leg up. I want to have a look at your ankle,’ he said, and she sighed.

‘If you insist,’ she said, but the moment her ankle settled over that disturbingly strong thigh she could have kicked herself. She should have put it on the wheelchair, because his hands were on it and it was distracting her, and she didn’t want to be distracted. She wanted to talk to him about what her father had said.

But he was probing it now, gently—or sort of gently, and she was distracted in a different way.

‘Ouch!’

‘Sorry. It feels swollen still. Are you sure you should be working?’

She rolled her eyes and ripped open her sandwich. ‘You’re as bad as Sam. You just want to fuss and cluck over me like a pair of mother hens.’

‘That’s why we’re doctors—an exaggerated sense of responsibility for the health of the nation. It’s nothing personal.’

Tell it to the fairies. His hand was resting on her leg now, his thumb idly stroking over her shin, and she wasn’t even sure he was aware of doing it. She solved the problem by removing her foot from his lap and propping it on the wheelchair like she should have done in the first place, and took a deep breath.

‘I spoke to my father last night and passed on your message,’ she told him tentatively, ‘and he asked me to send you their best wishes and said they think about you often. He spoke very fondly of you.’

‘Oh, bless them. They’ve been amazing to me. I haven’t seen them for ages, not since...’

He trailed off, but he didn’t need to finish the sentence because she knew.

‘He told me,’ she said softly. ‘About your wife. I’m so sorry. I had no idea.’

His smile was wry and a little twisted. ‘I think that was rather the point. No preconceptions. No baggage. And a dead wife and two motherless little children is a lot of baggage in anyone’s language.’

She winced at the frank, softly spoken words and looked away. ‘I can imagine. I’m really sorry. I wish I’d known. I wouldn’t have behaved like I did and I certainly wouldn’t have kissed you like that. I didn’t mean to offend you or overstep the mark.’

His hand reached out, his fingers finding hers. ‘I wasn’t in the least bit offended and you didn’t overstep the mark, Livvy. There was no mark, and there was nothing wrong with your behaviour. And anyway, I kissed you first, and I shouldn’t have done that, either. It was the first time I’d left the kids and gone any distance from home since—well, since then, and I just wanted to be me, you know? Not that poor guy whose wife died and left him with two tiny children, but just a man, someone who could be taken at face value.

‘I’m sick of being different, sick of people making concessions and tiptoeing round me and worrying about upsetting me. I nearly told you, but then I realised I didn’t want to because it would change everything, and I didn’t want it to change. I was enjoying myself, having simple, uncomplicated fun with no strings, no expectations, just a man and a woman working together to achieve a series of goals and having fun on the way. And it was fun, Livvy. I wouldn’t have changed any of it. Well, apart from you hurling yourself down the scree slope. That wasn’t great.’

She felt her eyes fill with tears, and blinked them away, because she’d felt the same, the freedom from the burden of people’s sympathy, everyone watching their words so they didn’t upset or offend or reopen the emotional wounds or poke the sleeping tiger. That was why hardly anybody at the Yoxburgh Park Hospital knew her medical history, and why she hadn’t told Matt.

‘I wouldn’t have changed any of it, either. Well, except that bit. You’re right, it was fun, but I guess we’re back now.’

He sighed quietly, then gave a wry huff of laughter. ‘Yes, we’re back. I know that. Amber insisted on sleeping with me last night, and Charlie woke up at four, crying because he’d wet the bed, so he ended up with me as well. Definitely back. And you know what? It feels good to be back, and I really missed them, but I’m very, very glad I went away, too, and I’m glad you were there with me.’

She smiled at him. ‘I’m glad, as well. Still, it’s over now.’ Odd, how that made her feel sad. Why should it? It wasn’t as if anything had really happened. Just a couple of kisses, some shared banter, the odd hug. How could she miss that so much?

‘It doesn’t have to be over,’ he said, after a long pause. ‘I’d still like to see you—not in a serious way, I’m not in the market for anything more than the odd snatched lunch break or a very occasional drink or a quick bite to eat, but it would be great to have that time with you. Not that you’re probably interested in such a trivial offering—’

‘Of course I’m interested,’ she said promptly, surprised that she was. ‘I’m not in the market for anything serious, but I’m happy to spend time with you as and when we can. And I don’t expect anything, Matt. I really don’t.’

He nodded then, his eyes softening into a smile. ‘Thank you.’

‘Don’t thank me. I’m relatively new here, I don’t know many people yet and I have plenty of time on my hands. Spending a little of it with you will be a pleasure. And talking of time, I ought to get back, but I’m glad I’ve seen you so I could pass on my father’s message. He spoke very highly of you, and he said your wife was a lovely person.’

A shadow crossed his eyes again, and he nodded. ‘She was. Thank you. That means a lot. He was a brilliant mentor and a good friend to me, and I owe him so much. Say hi for me when you speak to him.’

‘Say it yourself. I’m sure he’d love to hear from you.’

He nodded. ‘Maybe I will. Right, I’d better take you back before I have Sam on the phone asking why I’ve abducted one of their registrars, but give me your number first.’ He keyed it into his phone, and then hers jiggled in her pocket. ‘Get that?’

She nodded and smiled. ‘I’ll send you my father’s email address so you can contact him. And call me when you can, anytime you’ve got a gap in the chaos and you want to meet up.’

His eyes searched hers. ‘It’s going to be very random, Livvy. Are you sure you’re OK with that?’

She nodded, although she wasn’t entirely sure what he was really offering in those random moments. Friendship? Or more? An affair? Although that might take more than the occasional coffee break, even if you were desperate.

And she wasn’t that desperate, she really, really wasn’t.

Was she?

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