Midwives On-Call

Isla had never had a Pap because she’d never been sexually active.

‘It’s been …’ Isla gave a tight shrug. ‘It’s been a while.’

‘I’m not going to tell you off for leaving it too long,’ Darcie said. ‘Let’s just get it over and done with. When is your period due?’

‘Today or tomorrow.’

‘Have you had any unprotected sex?’

‘No.’ Isla shook her head, but more to clear it. What the hell was she lying for? ‘Once,’ she amended. ‘But he …’ She let out a breath in embarrassment. God, no wonder the patients loathed all the questions. ‘He withdrew.’

‘Did you do it standing up?’ Darcie grinned as she teased. They’d both heard it all before and knew that withdrawal was far from safe.

‘I’m not pregnant,’ Isla said. She knew that she wasn’t—her breasts had that heavy feeling they always got when her period was near. Not that it put Darcie off.

‘Fine, then you won’t mind peeing in a jar to put my mind at ease. Then I’m going to do a Pap and give you a work-up and get all the boxes ticked so you can hopefully forget about things for another couple of years.’

‘You don’t have time.’

‘I just made time.’ Darcie smiled. She was a thorough doctor and refused to be rushed by anyone, especially her patients, and a little while later as she looked at the pregnancy card on the desk before her, a patient Isla suddenly was.

‘Isla,’ Darcie said, and Isla watched as she pushed the card over to her.

Isla stared at it for a long moment. There were possibly a thousand thoughts in her head but not a single one of them did she show on her face. She just looked up at Darcie.

‘Can we leave the Pap for another time?’ Isla said, her voice completely clear, her expression unreadable.

‘Of course, but, Isla—’

‘Can we not discuss this, please?’ Isla stood. ‘Just …’ She turned as she got to the door. ‘You won’t tell anyone …’

‘You don’t have to ask me that, Isla,’ Darcie said, and Isla nodded. ‘But if you want to talk any time, you can.’

Isla muttered brief thanks and headed out to her department, and for the first time ever she left early.

She lay on her bed and just stared at the ceiling and all she felt was stupid, naïve and embarrassed at having got pregnant her first time.

It was all she could manage to feel as she lay there.

When the phone bleeped to indicate a text, she knew it was from Alessi but she didn’t even look at it.

She simply could not bear to think of telling him or even attempt to fathom his reaction.

Far worse than his anger would be duty.

Isla lay there, recalling his words—how he’d done the right thing by Talia, how he’d offered to marry her as soon as he’d found out.

She didn’t want that for either of them.

They’d been going out for a couple of weeks, which surely meant, given his track record, that they had just about run their course.

Isla tried to comfort herself, reminded herself that the reason she’d been going on the Pill in the first place was that Alessi himself had wanted to move things forward, to lose the condoms.

On the proviso that she was on the Pill, though.

Isla felt a tear slide out and she screwed her eyes shut.

She heard the door open and Darcie come home and Isla wanted to call out to her, she wanted to sob, hell, she wanted to break down and cry.

But she didn’t know how to, scared that if she let out a part of her fear then the rest would come gushing out.

Secrets she had sworn never to reveal.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

ISLA DIDN’T HAVE to try too hard to avoid Alessi.

That night he was too wrecked to even drive home so he sent a text to Isla to say he was crashing at the hospital. About two seconds after hitting ‘send’ he did just that in the on-call room on the unit.

He dived back into work at eight the next day when he was on call again. He finally saw Isla on Tuesday but it wasn’t a social visit—a newborn was rapidly deteriorating and all Alessi wanted from Isla was her cool efficiency, which he got.

In fact, Isla was doing her very best to keep calm.

Wrestling with her own news, trying to fathom that she herself would, in a matter of months, be a mum, she had been checking on a newborn when she found a baby looking dusky at her mother’s breast. Isla moved the infant, hoping her breathing had just been obstructed temporarily but was silently alarmed by her colour and tone.

‘I’m just going to take her to the nursery,’ Isla said to Karina, the mother. ‘She’s looking a bit pale and the light is better there …’ She would have loved to speak with the mother some more but the little girl was causing Isla too much concern and she moved swiftly through the unit, glad when she saw Emily there, who instantly saw Isla’s concern.

‘I’ll page Alessi,’ Emily said as Isla suctioned the infant and started to deliver oxygen.

Yes, Isla was calm and did everything right but there was this horrible new urgency there as Karina arrived in the nursery, tears streaming down her face.

‘She was fine!’ Karina was saying, and Isla could hear the fear, the love, the helplessness in her voice. ‘Please, help her,’ she begged as Alessi dashed in and took over.

‘She’s going to be fine …’

Alessi’s calm voice caught even Isla by surprise. ‘Just a little milk that’s gone down the wrong way …’ He was rubbing the baby’s back and gently suctioning her, and thankfully she was pinking up.

He dealt with it all very calmly, even though there was some marked concern, which he explained in more detail a little while later after some tests had been done.

‘As I said …’ Alessi pulled up the X-ray on his computer and went through it with the mum. ‘She has inhaled some milk and we’re going to be looking for infection, which is why I’m going to have her moved to NICU to keep a closer eye on her for a few days …’

It had all been dealt with well yet it left Isla more shaken than it would usually, not that she showed it.

‘Thanks for that.’ Isla gave him a tight smile as his team went off to NICU with their latest recruit and she headed into her office, just wanting to be alone, but Alessi followed.

‘Shouldn’t you be with the baby?’

‘She’s fine,’ Alessi said. ‘Are you?’

‘I just got a fright,’ Isla admitted. ‘I’d just popped in to chat with Karina …’

‘It happens. I want to take a closer look at her palate when I’m up there. I think she might have a small cleft that’s been missed.’

Isla just looked at him and tried to fathom that in a few months she’d be on this roller-coaster. ‘I’ll try and call you tonight,’ Alessi said, and gave her a light kiss on her lips. Isla wanted to grab his shoulders and cling to him; she wanted some of his ease and strength to somehow transfer to her, but instead she stood there and watched him leave.

She knew she had to tell him.

Just not yet.

She wouldn’t say anything until she could tell him without breaking down, till she’d somehow got her head around the fact that she’d soon be a first-time mother herself.

It was just all too much to take in, let alone share with Alessi, when she didn’t know how he’d react.

Which meant that at nine on Friday evening, after a hellish week at work, as Alessi drove home he called Isla and got her cool voice when he needed warmth.

He got distance when he needed to be closer.

‘Is it too late to come over?’ he asked.

‘Well, it is a bit,’ she said. ‘I’m pretty tired.’

‘Sure.’ Alessi forced down his irritation. He could sleep for a whole week yet he still wanted to see her. ‘Isla, I was thinking about tomorrow …’ He was just so glad the weekend was finally here.

He had it planned.

He was way past the flowers and dinner stage already.

‘How about I pick you up around six—’

‘I actually wanted to talk about that,’ Isla broke in. ‘I’ve just realised that I can’t make it.’

‘You can’t make it?’

‘I forgot when you said you’d swapped your shift that I already had plans for this weekend …’

‘Such as?’

Such as trying to get my head around the fact that I’m pregnant, Isla wanted to scream. Such as trying to tell you that I wasn’t on the Pill. That you were my first … She was closer to tears than she wanted to be. ‘Alessi …’ She swallowed. ‘I just can’t make it.’

‘Don’t do this, Isla,’ he warned. ‘I’m coming now and you are going to talk to me.’

‘There’s nothing to talk about.’

‘You know, you’re right,’ he said, his temper bubbling to the surface. ‘Because it seems to me I’m the one who does the talking. I’ve told you so much these past weeks, Isla, and you’ve told me precisely nothing.’

‘That’s not true.’

‘Bull!’ Alessi shouted. ‘I know little more about you than I did the night of the ball. You tell me nothing about how you feel or what you’re thinking. Oh, sorry, I do know one thing that I didn’t two weeks ago—you give good head.’

No, he could never know her, neither could he read her because instead of a shocked gasp or a swift attack he got the sound of dry laughter.

‘You’re right, you don’t know me,’ Isla said, because by her own silence he didn’t and she’d surely left it too late to start opening up now.

‘Game over, is it, Isla?’ Alessi’s voice was cool. ‘At least have the guts to say it.’

‘Game over,’ Isla said, and hung up.

As Valentine’s Days went, it was a pretty terrible one.

She woke to a text from Alessi, apologising, but telling her that she’d be getting flowers as he had been unable to cancel the flower order. And then there was a snarky addition: Believe me, Isla, I damn well tried!

Isla actually smiled wryly at his text.

She answered the door to her delivery of not one but two large bouquets.

One was from Alessi, saying that he couldn’t wait for tonight.

The other was from Rupert, who must have forgotten to cancel his regular order from the florist.

‘You have a very interesting life,’ said Darcie, smiling.

Things had been just a touch awkward between them since Isla had found out she was pregnant but Darcie was nice enough not to push her to talk. Instead, she made Isla laugh as she swiped Rupert’s bunch and said that she was going to pretend they were for her.

It was the only funny part of the day.

The only funny part of the week.

Isla’s heart ached in a way that it never had before. She knew she had to tell Alessi, that somehow she had to face things—he would soon find out after all—but she was worried about his reaction. Of course she expected him to be upset. In her work Isla was more than used to that. She knew, though, that after the dust settled, when the initial shock of a pregnancy wore off, rapid decisions were often made.

She had never wanted their fragile relationship to be put under such early pressure and, worse, it was her own fault. But on Wednesday night, as she set up for TMTB, Isla knew her problems were comparatively small as a very pale face came around the door, followed by a slender body that housed a growing bump.

‘Come in, Ruby.’ Isla smiled and she forced another one when Alessi followed her in with an empty incubator he had bought down from NICU for his talk with the girls.

He ignored her.

‘I’m sorry I called you a stuck-up cow!’ Ruby said.

‘It’s fine, Ruby. I know that I can be a stuck-up cow at times!’ She gave the young girl a little hug. ‘It’s so good to see you here. Do you want to get something to eat?’

Ruby nodded and made her way over to the table, which was groaning under the weight of cupcakes Emily had just happened to have made.

Emily was always going beyond the call of duty and it dawned on Isla that she would be the perfect midwife for Ruby. Isla decided that she would have a word about Ruby with her favourite midwife tomorrow, or whenever Emily was next on.

And then, as she looked at the faces of her TMTB group, some nervous, some excited, others ready, Isla felt the first glimpse of calmness that she’d had since Darcie had pushed the pregnancy card towards her and she had found out that she’d be a mother.

She looked at Ruby and saw the fear in her eyes but also the fire. She looked at Harriet, who was facing things bravely and passing around a picture of the ultrasound.

Yes, she was twenty-eight but Isla forgave herself then because teenage, twenty, thirty or forty—when it first happened and you found out you were going to be a mum, it was an overwhelming feeling indeed.

She didn’t feel so overwhelmed now.

Scared, yes, nervous, of course, but there was excitement there, too, and as she glanced over at Alessi, who was pointedly ignoring her, Isla was grateful, too, that, no matter what his reaction was, this man was the father of her child.

‘It’s great to see so many of you.’ Isla kicked things off. They did a small catch-up, finding out where everyone was at, but when it was Ruby’s turn she said little and Isla moved things on because clearly Ruby wasn’t willing to share her news yet.

‘Most of you met Alessi four weeks ago,’ Isla introduced their guest speaker. ‘He’s a neonatologist here at the Victoria. A couple of you already know that your babies will be going to NICU when they’re born. Some of you might not be expecting your baby to end up there and so, if it does, it will come as a huge shock. That’s why Alessi is here,’ Isla explained. ‘If your baby is on NICU then at least you’ll have a familiar face and, as well as that, he’s a wonderful doctor.’

She gave him a smile but again Alessi completely blanked her and instead he addressed the group.

‘Thank you for having me along tonight,’ he said. ‘As Isla said, I am a neonatologist. Does everyone here know what that means?’ When no one answered he asked another question. ‘Does everyone know what NICU stands for?’

A couple of the newer girls shook their heads and Alessi did smile now, but it was a tight one and, Isla knew, aimed at her.

It said, Ruby was right—you are a stuck-up cow!

‘Well, a neonatologist is a doctor who takes care of newborns. In my case, I care for newborns that need, or might need, extra support. NICU stands for Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, which basically means it is a place for babies who need a lot of support. The best place for a baby to be is where it is now … As Alessi talked, Isla could see he already had the group eating out of his hand.

He was completely lovely with them.

‘I’m very good at my job,’ he said, ‘but even with all the technology available, I’m still not as good as you are at keeping your baby oxygenated and nourished and its temperature stable …’

He opened up the incubator and turned on a few monitors and explained how they worked and what the staff were looking for, and really he did give an excellent talk.

‘The nurses there are amazing,’ Alessi said. ‘When a baby is especially sick there is a nurse with them at all times, sometimes two. They don’t get scared by the alarms, because they are very used to them. So although the alarms will make you feel anxious, don’t think that the nursing staff are ignoring anything.’

Then his phone rang and Alessi rolled his eyes.

‘That’s my family ringing again and asking where I am,’ he said, ‘and that is one alarm that I am going to ignore!’

Isla smiled as he turned off his phone and gave the group his full attention.

He went through many things and then asked if anyone had questions, which they all did, even Ruby.

‘What happens if a baby is disabled?’ Ruby asked.

Isla had sat in on a meeting just that morning about her baby. There was talk of out-of-utero surgery, if a suitable doctor could be found, though Ruby didn’t know about this yet.

She was in a very fragile place and Isla was very proud of her for asking questions.

‘Many of the babies I look after will have disabilities,’ Alessi said. ‘When you say what happens …’

‘Do you care as much about them?’ Ruby asked. ‘Or do you think the mother should have got rid of it? What happens if the baby is up for adoption?’

There was a long stretch of silence and Isla fought not to step in yet she glanced at Alessi and knew that she didn’t have to. He was taking care with his answer as he looked at the hostile and very scared girl.

‘The only thing I would think in that instance,’ Alessi said, ‘was that by the time the mother and baby get to be in my care, a lot of very difficult decisions have already been made and a lot of obstacles faced.’

He hesitated for a moment before continuing. ‘A lot of my babies will leave the unit and require a lot of extra care just to do normal things. Many, too, leave healthy. My job, my goal, is to hand the baby to its carer, whoever that may be, in the best possible health. That is my goal every day when I go into work. You ask if I care as much. I care about every one of my patients. Some need more care than others and I see that they get it.’

She couldn’t not tell him about the pregnancy. Isla had long known that but it was confirmed then.

She was keeping her baby and so the decisions that would be made for its care would involve Alessi also.

She looked at his wide, lovely smile as he even managed to get a small laugh from Ruby, and Isla imagined his expression when she told him they were bound for ever—that the cool and together ‘I’ve got this covered’ Isla hadn’t even been on the Pill.

She deserved his reaction, she expected the row, and she’d prefer that than Alessi choosing to do the right thing, to marry her, stick together …

‘Now, I’m going to have to leave.’ Alessi broke into her introspection. ‘I have some time for some questions but it is my parents’ fortieth anniversary tonight and I am already in trouble for being late.’

He didn’t rush them through the questions, though. Ruby had no more but she took a generous helping of sandwiches with her and left, while a couple of girls hung around to speak with Alessi. ‘I’ll return this,’ Isla offered, unplugging the incubator, knowing that Alessi had other places he needed to be.

She wheeled the incubator back up to NICU and chatted with the nurses there for a while.

‘How’s Elijah?’ Isla asked.

‘Well, it’s still early days,’ the senior nurse said. ‘He gave us all a terrible time last week but he seems to be holding his own at the moment. Donna will be coming in soon to bring in some breast milk. She generally comes in at this time if you want to hang around.’

‘Not tonight,’ Isla said.

Tonight she needed to get her head around her decision—somehow she would tell Alessi, but away from here, Isla thought as she walked back down to MMU.

‘Oh!’ As Isla pushed open the door, there was Alessi.

Alone.

‘I thought you had to get to your parents’ …’

‘They can wait,’ Alessi said. ‘This can’t. I want to know what happened, Isla. I want to know what’s going on.’

Isla took a deep breath.

‘Any time now, Isla,’ he said. His phone was ringing and he saw that it was Allegra, no doubt demanding to know where he was.

‘I’ll be there as soon as I can!’ Alessi had to keep himself from shouting and Isla screwed her eyes shut as he switched to Greek.

When he ended the call she met his eyes and it was time for the truth. ‘I’m pregnant, Alessi.’

His reaction was nothing like she had expected. His face had already been pale, Isla realised, but it paled a little further and then he gave her a very small smile.

‘Can you hold that thought?’

‘Sorry?’ Isla blinked.

‘Allegra is at the party and doesn’t want to make a fuss but she thinks she might be in labour.’

‘Oh!’

‘She sounds as if she’s in labour.’

‘Meaning?’

‘One conversation, two contractions.’

‘She needs to get here.’

‘Try telling her that,’ Alessi said, and handed her his phone. ‘While we get there.’

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

IT WAS THE strangest car ride.

Isla’s news hung between them while both were grateful for the pause.

Alessi wanted some time with his thoughts rather than say something he might later regret. Is it mine? was, for Alessi, the obvious question.

In turn, Isla was relieved that her secret was out and that the world was still turning.

‘I think I’ve left it too late to get to hospital …’ Allegra, from the echo Isla could hear, was in the bathroom.

‘That’s fine.’ Isla’s voice was calm. ‘We’re a couple of minutes away. I’m going to call for backup. Are you in the bathroom?’

‘Yes.’

‘Where’s Steve?’

‘Can I hang up on you and text him?’ Allegra asked. ‘I don’t want the whole family piling in.’

‘Give me his number,’ Isla said. ‘I’ll text him from my phone, you just keep talking to me.’

‘My waters just broke.’

‘Okay,’ Isla said. ‘What colour is the fluid?’ She heard Alessi let out a tense breath as it became obvious from the conversation that things were moving along rather rapidly.

‘Clear.’

‘Have a feel,’ Isla instructed. ‘There’s no cord?’

‘No. Isla, I want to push.’

‘Try not push,’ Isla said. ‘We’re at the traffic lights on the corner. Alessi’s swearing because they’re red.’

‘I don’t want my brother delivering me.’

‘I know you don’t want your brother to deliver you,’ Isla said, and she caught a glimpse of Alessi’s rigid profile. ‘But luckily you’ve got me. I’m going to ring off and I’ll see you in a moment.’ She turned to Alessi. ‘I’m jumping out when we get to the next lights.’

Their eyes met and there was so much unsaid. ‘We’re talking this out tonight, Isla,’ Alessi said.

‘I’m sorry, Alessi.’ She told him the truth as the car moved the next five hundred meters. ‘I wasn’t on the Pill.’ She felt his eyes on her briefly. ‘I know I let you think I was … I meant to take care of it the next morning, get the morning-after pill, but I didn’t …’ Tears were threatening and she choked them down.

‘Are you considering an abortion?’ Alessi asked, and Isla shook her head.

‘Then never apologise for your pregnancy again.’

She arrived at Geo’s and walked in as calmly as she could, grateful she had been there before and that the staff let her straight upstairs as soon as she explained that Alessi was parking.

The speeches were going on as Isla made her way through the crowd and Alessi’s father was speaking.

‘Tonight I celebrate forty years with the love of my life. We have been together through good times and bad …’ There was a long pause before he continued. ‘We were blessed with three children, Geo, Alessandro and Allegra, tonight we sit in Geo’s as a family, always.’

Alessi must have ditched the car because he was right behind her as she headed to the bathroom.

‘Watch the door,’ Isla said, and took a deep breath and stepped inside.

She’d delivered many women on the bathroom floor but she’d only deeply loved one of them.

Make that two, Isla thought as she stepped in and saw Allegra’s red face and damp curls. Steve was there beside her and he blew out a breath of relief as Isla came over. ‘Talk about timing,’ Steve said.

‘Perfect timing.’ Isla smiled, dropping to her knees, knowing what to do.

‘It’s coming.’

Oh, it was.

‘Get behind Allegra, Steve,’ Isla said. ‘Help pull her legs back.’

‘Where’s Alessi?’ Steve asked.

‘Gnawing on the door with his teeth.’ Isla smiled.

‘He must trust you,’ Allegra said.

Alessi did.

But with no equipment, no help to hand, it tested Alessi on so many levels and it was a Herculean effort to stand outside.

Last time, with Niko, Allegra had nearly died.

It wasn’t like last time, Alessi told himself.

Isla was there.

Isla was pregnant.

It was then that he properly acknowledged it. He looked at his parents, who were scanning the gathered crowd, waiting for their children to start speaking. A crowd was starting to gather where Alessi was playing doorman and a paramedic was climbing the stairs, wearing a crash helmet, which was possibly a giveaway.