Second Chance With The Single Mum

‘As I’m heading up the project, there’s a clear conflict of interest here, and I want to make sure that everything’s entirely above board. So I’m going to give your application to my co-director Gabriel DeMarco for assessment. He’ll be getting back to you within a week.’

‘Thank you, Alistair. You’ve been very kind.’

He wanted to tell Raina that he once would have done anything for her, and in the last half-hour he’d realised that nothing had changed. But that was beyond inappropriate. He trusted Gabriel to do the right thing, and that he’d handle Raina’s application fairly. He had to step back now.

CHAPTER TWO

ALISTAIR HAD GIVEN her a better reception than she deserved. But he seemed so remote, hardly hearing what she said at times.

What had Raina expected? That the divorce and all that had led up to it would just melt away? A person could forget a lot in five years. Not that much, though.

‘What’s going on? Over there...?’ He didn’t react to her question but when Raina pointed towards a group of people that was forming by the stone parapet at the side of the pavement, he turned to look.

‘We should go and see. Perhaps someone’s hurt.’ Raina got to her feet, looping her bag over her shoulder.

When they’d first been married, it would have taken just an exchange of glances. Young doctors who wanted to save the world, and who would rush towards any potential emergency, believing that together they were indestructible. It wasn’t like Alistair to hesitate.

Raina wasn’t going to wait for him to sum the situation up, though. She ran over to the knot of people that had formed.

‘I’m a doctor. Is anyone hurt?’ No one turned and the wall of backs prevented her from seeing what had happened. Then she felt an arm around her shoulder. Alistair the rock. Pushing through the crowd and taking her with him.

‘What’s the matter?’ A woman was holding a child of about two years old, gesturing frantically towards the deep granite parapet between the pavement and the river. She took no notice of Alistair’s question, but a man replied.

‘A kid’s climbed over the barrier...’

Quite how he’d managed to do that wasn’t clear, but when Raina leaned over she could see a boy of around six clinging to the other side. He began to slip, his feet scrabbling for a hold, and the woman screamed.

‘Hold on, sweetheart... Please...someone help him.’

Raina felt, rather than saw, Alistair thrust the envelope with her grant application back into her hands. Climbing across the deep coping stones on the top of the parapet, he slid carefully down the other side, making his way across to the boy.

‘Give me a leg up, will you?’ Raina turned to the man standing next to her and suddenly Alistair seemed to remember that she existed, and looked up.

‘Stay there, Raina. Anya needs you home tonight.’

There had been a time when they wouldn’t have thought twice about it. She would have been right there next to him. Now it seemed that Alistair acted alone.

But he was right, Anya did need her to come home tonight. How many times had Raina hesitated and looked again before crossing the road, knowing that Anya couldn’t lose another parent. And the ledge that Alistair was now edging along towards the boy was too narrow for a second person to be of any use.

He almost lost his footing, stopping to regain his hold. Suddenly Alistair looked up again, his golden-brown eyes searching for her.

‘Easy does it. You’re nearly there.’

He nodded, carefully moving closer to the boy. Just as it seemed that Alistair could reach out and touch him, his mother called out to him. The boy looked up, lost his balance and toppled backwards, twisting as he fell and landing flat on his stomach in the river.

Alistair didn’t hesitate. Kicking off his shoes, he jumped, disappearing underwater for a few heart-stopping seconds. Then he surfaced, looking around for the boy.

He didn’t have much time. The boy had landed amongst some floating debris and the swell of the tide had washed him against a large piece of wood. He struggled weakly in the water, seeming stunned by the impact, and then was still, floating face down. He was already starting to drown and soon he’d begin to sink. If that happened it would be a miracle if Alistair found him in the murky water. Raina screamed Alistair’s name, pointing to the boy.

He looked up, and then in the direction in which she was pointing. A few strong strokes, and Alistair had the boy, lifting him up in his arms so that his head was clear of the water. The child started to choke and fight, but Alistair held onto him.

‘He’s choking... He’s going to drown...’ The boy’s mother was behind her, clinging to her other child, her eyes fixed on her son.

‘My colleague’s a strong swimmer and he’s a doctor.’ Raina tried to calm the woman down. ‘And if he’s choking that means he’s breathing.’ The instinctive drowning response was a silent struggle, one that often didn’t alarm onlookers.

Raina looked around, trying to see how Alistair could get out of the water. The wash from boats travelling up and down the river was swelling against him, and he and the boy were in danger of being thrown against the river wall.

‘Hey!’ A pleasure boat was moored at a jetty nearby and she shouted at the top of her voice to the people on board. ‘Hey, there’s someone in the water...’

There was a scuffle of confusion on board the boat, and then a man ran to the railing, carrying a lifebelt. Throwing it into the water with as much force as he could, it landed with a splash, and Alistair started to swim towards it.

Raina ran for the jetty, clambering down the angled wooden ramp that led down to the craft. A man blocked her path.

‘I’m a doctor. Let me through.’ The man nodded, taking her arm and guiding her to where the boy was being lifted up onto the deck and laid down on a folded fire blanket. Alistair was still in the water and she barely had time to glance in his direction before the child claimed her attention.

A policeman had arrived on the scene and was shepherding the boy’s mother towards them. The boy started to cry when he saw her, reaching for her. ‘It’s all right, Jamie. Let the doctor take a look at you.’ The woman took hold of his hand.

He’d had a shock, and he’d obviously swallowed some water, which wasn’t good. But he was breathing and seemed alert, despite the bump on the back of his head. Raina examined him as well as she could, and then sat back on her heels, looking up at the policeman.

‘He seems okay, but he’ll need to be checked over at the hospital.’ The policeman nodded, taking his radio from its clip and speaking into it.

‘Will he be all right?’ Jamie’s mother caught hold of her sleeve, an imploring look in her eyes. Raina had seen that look so many times before, but hadn’t really understood the agony behind it until she’d become a mother to Anya.

‘He’s breathing, and he’s safe.’ Raina started with the good news. ‘But I want that bump on his head looked at. The doctors will be checking to see if there’s any water in his lungs, and they’ll have to clean any cuts very carefully to avoid infection.’

‘Thank you, Doctor.’ Jamie’s mother held his hand while Raina wrapped blankets around him that the pleasure boat’s crew had brought. She could hear the sound of a siren, and it seemed that they were in luck and the ambulance would be here soon.

As soon as she’d handed over to the ambulance crew, Raina looked for Alistair. She found him, sitting further along the deck, his arms resting on his knees and his head bowed. Someone had brought him a blanket and it lay draped across his shoulders. As Raina reached to pull it around him, he looked up.

There had been a time when she’d lived for the smile that flickered across his face and the golden heat of his eyes. Right now that time seemed much closer than she’d thought it would ever be again.

‘Hi, there. Are you all right?’

‘I’m okay. How’s the boy?’

Raina glanced across, and saw Jamie clinging to his mother, responding to the ambulance crew’s questions. ‘He doesn’t seem too much the worse for wear. But he needs to be seen at the hospital.’

Alistair nodded. He knew that Jamie was at risk from all kinds of infections from the dirty water, and that dry drowning could occur hours after a child was pulled from the water and seemed fully recovered from the experience. Not to mention the possibility of a concussion.

‘The ambulance crew are dealing with it?’ He was cupping his hand over his ear as if checking exactly how much he could hear.

‘Yes, they’ve got everything under control. They know exactly what the situation is and what the doctors need to look for. Is there something wrong with your ears?’

He shook his head. Something was wrong and it was more than just being wet through and covered in grime from the river. Raina wanted to reach out and hug him for his bravery, and then find out what the matter was and make it right. Instead, she pulled a paper handkerchief from her bag, dabbing at a small cut beside his left eye.

‘Don’t, Raina.’ His tone wasn’t unkind but he shied away from her impatiently. ‘It’s all right...’

‘So Jamie’s at risk of infection from the dirty water but you’re not. What are you, Dr Invincible?’

Raina bit her lip. That joke belonged to a time when they had been married. It didn’t sound half as apt now they were divorced. But seeing him like this... It awakened every protective instinct she had and it was killing her that Alistair wouldn’t take any help from her.

It was Alistair all over, though. When things had got tough when she’d become pregnant and then lost the baby, he’d shut down. When all Raina had wanted him to do was to share his feelings, when she’d wanted him to feel the same wild grief as she had, he’d pushed her away.

She swallowed hard. That had been then, and this was now. She was a doctor, and she had someone who might be hurt sitting right in front of her. That justified her professional concern.

Suddenly she could think clearly again. Put all the little pieces of the puzzle together to make a place to start. She turned her head away from him, speaking clearly.

‘You can’t hear, can you?’

‘What was that?’ Alistair frowned impatiently.

‘I said...’ She faced him squarely. ‘You can’t hear. Can you, Alistair?’

* * *

So much for thinking that he’d been doing a pretty good job in covering up. If he hadn’t been wet through and shivering from the shock of seeing young Jamie plunge into the water when he’d just been a hair’s breadth away from reaching him, Alistair might have been able to brush the question off. But right now he wanted someone to know.

Not just someone. He could have told the man who’d helped him out of the water and gone to fetch the blanket, but he’d had no inclination to do so. He wanted Raina to know. He wanted that sweet, dark-eyed concern that made his heart lurch.

‘It’s...it’s not a result of being in the water. It’s a pre-existing condition.’ Maybe if he kept this professional, he could ignore the tingle in his fingertips. The urge to have Raina kiss away all of his aches and pains, and all of the fears for a future that was anything but silent but which contained too much white noise to make any sense of what he did hear.

She gave him a searching look. ‘And I’d be right in saying you’ve seen someone about this?’

‘Yes, you would.’ However much he wanted her to stop caring, he felt it warm him. ‘I went to get it checked out as soon as it happened.’

He could almost see the cogs turning in Raina’s brain. As they did so, a look of determination crept across her face. ‘It’s none of my business...’

Then he’d make it her business. The urge to tell her was fast overcoming the feeling that he didn’t want to betray what seemed to him to be a weakness.

‘It’s SSHL.’

‘When did this happen?’

‘Almost exactly two months ago. I felt a bit of pressure in my ear and thought I might have a cold. Then I heard a pop, and realised I was completely deaf in my left ear. My hearing’s impaired in my right ear but it’s not as bad. I’ve had all the tests and there’s nothing else wrong...’ Just that he was deaf. That was wrong with him, although no one could see it.

‘So you’re a textbook case for sudden sensorineural hearing loss.’

Alistair nodded. ‘It improved a little during the first month, but I’m reckoning that what I have now is...pretty much what I’ll always have going forward. I’ll be getting a hearing aid soon, and that might help a bit with directionality.’

Raina nodded. ‘You have tinnitus?’

‘Yeah. That seems to be improving.’ Alistair wasn’t sure whether it was or not. It was probably just wishful thinking, born of the loss he felt over the thought that he might never be able to appreciate silence again, because of the high-pitched ringing in his ears. That, combined with the faraway bubbling sound and the occasional ticking that seemed to come from about two inches behind his right ear, turned silence into an almost unbearable clamour.

‘Your ability to focus on other things will improve when you get your hearing aid.’ Raina’s tone was matter-of-fact, but the look in her eyes...

It was the look that could make him forget about everything else and believe that there was nothing else in the world but her. No sound but the sound of her voice. No feeling that didn’t emanate from her touch...

‘Yeah. That’s what my audiologist says. I’m not getting my hopes up too much.’

She nodded, thoughtfully. ‘We should have gone somewhere quieter to talk.’

‘I heard what I needed to hear. And I have to get used to functioning in any situation.’

‘So you’re throwing yourself in at the deep end?’

Alistair was about to protest that he was doing nothing of the sort, and that he could hear her perfectly well now. But that was because Raina was doing exactly what he usually had to ask people to do—facing him and speaking clearly. She’d always given him what he’d needed...

And he hadn’t given her what she’d needed. He’d let her go because someone else could give her the family that she’d so wanted and that he just hadn’t been ready for. But now, even if he was struggling to find his place in a world that suddenly seemed strange and remote, he could give her something.

‘I want you to go back to the office. Ask to see Heidi Walker, she’s Gabriel’s and my assistant. Give her your application and ask her to pass it to Gabriel to read this evening. I’ll give him a call later.’

‘That can wait until tomorrow, Alistair. I need to get you home first.’

He was already beginning to shiver in the afternoon sun, and despite himself Alistair wanted Raina to make a fuss of him. But he’d already revealed more than he wanted her to know, and he just wanted her to go now, before he was tempted to let anything else slip.

‘Pass me the envelope. And do you have a pen?’

Raina shot him a look that made it very clear that her compliance didn’t mean she agreed, and plunged her hand into her bag, producing a plastic ballpoint. She balanced her application on the top of her bag to provide a makeshift writing surface and Alistair scribbled a note to Heidi, trying not to get any drips onto the envelope.

She was staring at him dumbly, clearly about to argue with him. But there was no point in listening to Raina tell him that she wouldn’t leave while he was wet through, bleeding and confused by the sounds around him. They were the exact reasons he wanted her to go.

‘The police officer came over while you were with Jamie, and he’s radioed for a car to take me home.’

‘But...’ Raina wasn’t giving up that easily. She had to, though, because if The Watchlight Trust was going to be able to help her daughter, then their relationship had to be completely professional. All about the little girl’s needs and not his.

‘Go, Raina.’ He spoke quickly, before he had a chance to change his mind. ‘I want you to go.’

* * *

There had been moments when Alistair’s mask of self-reliance had slipped. When the thought that he wanted her there, with him, had thundered through Raina’s head. But now he was cool, and more than a little commanding.

He could protest that he was all right as much as he wanted. It was basic medical necessity to clean a cut that had been submersed in dirty water, and he could like it or not. If he didn’t like it he could jump straight back into the river.

Raina got to her feet, stuffing the envelope back into her bag, and walked over to the ambulance paramedics, who were getting ready to go. After making sure that Jamie didn’t need her, she asked for some antiseptic wipes, and was given a small pack of them, along with a pair of disposable gloves.

Returning to Alistair, she tore the wrapper open. He seemed about to argue and then obviously thought better of it. At least he still knew when to keep his mouth shut.

He winced as she cleaned the cut on his face, but said nothing, and when she told him to show her his hands, he held them out silently, turning them so she could check them thoroughly.

‘Did you swallow any water?’

‘No. It’s just as filthy as it looks and I decided not to stop for a drink.’

‘Take these.’ Raina put the rest of the antiseptic wipes down next to him on the deck. ‘Clean that cut again when you get home, and make sure to do to the same with any other abrasions.’

‘Yes. Thanks. You should go. The office will be closing soon.’

‘Shall I tell them what’s happened? So they won’t be expecting you back?’

‘Yes, thanks. Say I’ll be back first thing tomorrow.’

There was no point in telling him that he might want to spend tomorrow morning easing out any aches and pains and making sure that his dive into the water hadn’t resulted in any other ill-effects. Alistair had made it clear that it wasn’t her place any more and he was right.

‘Is your phone working?’

Alistair reached into his pocket, and took out his phone. The screen was cracked, and water dripped from it onto the deck.

‘Doesn’t look like it. But I’ve a backup at home, in case I lose this one.’

That was Alistair all over. He was all about the work, and nothing got in the way of that. A broken phone was a trifling obstacle when compared to a broken marriage, and he’d managed to spend enough of his energies on work then. Raina swallowed down her resentment and reached into her bag.

‘I’d like you to let me know that you’re okay.’ She scribbled her mobile number onto a scrap of paper and tucked it into the packet of antiseptic wipes.

‘I’ll text you as soon as I’ve got home and taken a shower.’

His tone indicated that there was nothing more to say. She had to go now, and show him that she could follow his instructions, because that was what Raina was going to have to do if Anya was accepted onto The Watchlight Trust’s project.

‘Thanks. Take care, Alistair.’ Raina got to her feet, trying not to look at him in case that made her want to stay. Standing aside to let the ambulance crew take Jamie and his mother up the gangway to their vehicle, she didn’t look back until she’d reached the pavement.

Then she couldn’t help herself. Her knees were grimy from kneeling on the wet deck and she pushed her skirt up to rub at them with a tissue, as an excuse to stop and turn. As she did so, she saw a police car draw up, and an officer get out and make her way down onto the boat.

That was Alistair’s lift home. She saw him get to his feet, and a couple of the pleasure boat’s crew came to shake his hand. Then the policewoman ushered him towards the gangway, smiling at him as she did so. That was Raina’s invitation to leave, before Alistair saw that she was still there.

CHAPTER THREE

THERE HAD BEEN a time when Raina’s touch would have made everything all right. Instead, Alistair opted for standing under the shower for half an hour, trying to wash off the smell of the river.

An impenetrable barrier stood between them now. Raina had brought him such happiness, and when she’d left he’d felt nothing but pain and grief. Turning to his work as a way out had only reinforced his belief that he could never be the husband and father he wanted to be.

Alistair scrubbed his body with a towel and put on clean clothes. Somehow a trace of the river still remained, but if he ignored it then it would probably go away. His eyes still stung a little, and he blinked as he picked up the slip of paper that Raina had left.

Raina Elliot... He noticed that she was using her maiden name now. That wasn’t much of a surprise, particularly since her niece’s surname was Elliot too. If nothing else it sent a message for the little girl who was now her daughter.

‘Raina Duvall. You like it...?’

He’d whispered the words in her ear as they’d danced together on their wedding night, and she’d smiled up at him.

‘I love it. What else do you think I married you for?’

He’d known then that there had been many other things. Love had just about covered it. True love. Devoted love. Making love...

And when he’d given his name to her, he’d suddenly begun to like it a lot more. Up until then it had just been something he’d inherited from his father, along with a chunk of DNA and a propensity to spend all his energies at work.

But Raina had taken the name and made it hers. She had been a creature of warm summer days who’d left the taste of cool raindrops on his lips. Her ability to occasionally thunder and roar had all been a part of her free spirit, and when the storm had passed, everything would be washed clean. Raina had shown her feelings in a way that he’d never been able to, and that was what had broken them apart.

That, and Alistair’s failure. He hadn’t known his father all that well, but his mother had always told him that he was a lot like him. Being like his father meant he’d be a good provider, Alistair had grown up in a comfortable, affluent home. It also meant that his family would always take second place to his work. Alistair could barely recall one childhood memory that included his father.

When Raina had unexpectedly become pregnant, Alistair had tried to tell himself that he just wasn’t ready, as if somehow the passage of time might change his nature. The truth of it was that he was more like his father than he wanted to admit, driven and wrapped up with his work. He’d been busy at work, his phone switched off, on the day that Raina had lost their baby. If there was one thing in his life that Alistair could go back and change, it would be that. Raina had gone through all that agony alone.

The thing he wouldn’t change was letting her go. There was someone out there who could be a father for the children Raina wanted so badly, and it was only right that Alistair should step aside, however much it hurt.

He picked up his phone, tapping her number into the contacts list. He’d always thought that Raina would become a mother in less tragic circumstances. But the love he’d seen on her face when she’d shown him the photographs of her little girl told Alistair that she wouldn’t be bound by regrets.

That probably included him as well. And wanting to hear her voice, wanting to feel her cool fingers washing him clean, wasn’t the way to go. She’d asked him to text and that was what he’d do. He typed in a message telling her that he was home, and his phone pinged almost immediately.

You okay?

No, not really. The aches and pains in his body were nothing. The ache in his heart wouldn’t go away.

Yes. Fine, thanks.

That was the end of it. Alistair sent the text and then realised that he had a question of his own.

You delivered the application?

Yes. Heidi said she’d give it straight to Gabriel.

Good. Gabriel would probably have read it by now, and Alistair should give him a call.

Thanks. We’ll be in touch.

Thank you. Again.