Wedding Promises

* * *

Noah awoke feeling worse than any hangover had ever left him and he hadn’t drunk more than a glass of wine the night before. He’d stuck the rehearsal dinner out until the bitter end, flinching when Melissa told the guests that Eloise had gone to bed with a headache. By midday they’d all know exactly why she’d gone to bed, he knew, but at least the lie had preserved her peace and dignity for a few more hours.

He’d tried to speak with her after the dinner but there’d been no answer at her door. He hoped she’d been sleeping, but knew it was far more likely she’d been avoiding him. Well, she couldn’t do that for ever.

Forcing himself out of bed, Noah dressed quickly and headed straight for Eloise’s room. He needed to speak to her before anyone else did. Hopefully before she saw the photos on the Internet, for that matter—although, since he’d already had a furious voicemail from Tessa, ranting about him throwing away his chances that morning, that was probably a long shot.

‘Eloise?’ He didn’t want to shout—he knew that attracting more attention to them could only make everything worse—but when she didn’t answer his third knock he had to raise his voice. ‘Let me in, Eloise.’

There was a shuffling noise inside, then she yanked the door open, looking furious under her rumpled red hair. She was wearing what had to be the most unflattering pair of pyjamas in history and Noah realised that it didn’t even matter. She had bags under her eyes as if she hadn’t slept, and mascara on her cheeks, and her pyjamas had pictures of grumpy cats on them, and he still wanted her.

Eloise, however, did not look like she was having the same problem.

‘What are you doing?’ she whisper-shouted at him. ‘Do you want even more people showing up to take photos of me half dressed?’

Noah decided not to point out that the cat pyjamas covered considerably more of her body than last night’s dress. ‘Can I come in?’

Eloise scanned the hallway and, finding it empty, stood aside, still glaring at him.

‘Look, we both have a wedding to get ready for in four hours,’ she said, shutting the door behind him. ‘So, whatever you have to say, make it quick.’

She folded her arms over her chest and stared at him, and all of Noah’s intended words fled. He’d planned to talk about how they could minimise the fallout from last night, how to deal with Melissa today...but instead he found himself saying, ‘I’m sorry. About last night. I know that was the last thing you wanted.’

‘I’m not sure many people want to be caught half naked in a cupboard, Noah.’

‘You’d be surprised.’ If it meant getting their photo taken with him, Noah had found that some women were willing to do anything. But Eloise wasn’t one of them.

She shot him a disgusted look. ‘Of course. I’m sure your many admirers would be grateful for the chance.’

‘That’s not what I meant.’

‘I don’t care.’ She rubbed one eye with her fist and he realised again how exhausted she looked. Had she slept at all? ‘Look, I’ve already seen the photos online, read all the quotes. So kind of you to point out that I was equally indifferent to you, by the way, since, after all, I mean nothing to you.’

Noah winced. ‘I’m sorry, okay? I was trying to downplay it all for your sake! You’re the one who didn’t want to be another woman cast aside and presumably heartbroken when I left them. You wanted to keep it a secret. And, since that was off the table...I figured that this was the next best thing.’ He’d given up his chance at the movie role of a lifetime to try and protect her, and this was the way she thanked him?

Eloise stared at him so long he started to worry he’d grown an extra head while he’d slept. ‘Did you honestly believe that telling them I was just a meaningless fling would help?’

‘You’re the one who insisted that nobody know!’ Couldn’t she see he’d done the best he could in a bad situation? ‘We both agreed this wasn’t anything serious. Just a fling to kill a few days, right? Get the chemistry out of our system. That’s what we agreed.’ They’d had a deal and he’d stuck to it. He’d protected her—at his own expense! So why was he the bad guy?

And why was Eloise staring at him so sadly, her eyes huge and wet and her cheeks pale?

‘You’re a fool if you still believe that,’ she said softly.

Noah’s whole world tilted, for the second time since he’d met Eloise. What was it about her that kept him permanently off balance? ‘What?’

He could see her throat move as she swallowed, as if she was preparing herself for something hard. Something she didn’t want to do.

‘I know what we agreed, what we said. I was there too.’ She met his gaze head-on and he felt it down to his core, past all those carefully built defences he’d put back up. As if they didn’t exist for her at all. ‘But I want more. And I think you do too. Being with you...it’s so different to anything I’ve ever had before.’

‘Well, yeah,’ he said awkwardly. ‘I mean, it would be. My world, the way I live...it’s a new experience for you, I get that. You’ve been hiding out in this hotel for so long...’

Eloise shook her head violently. ‘That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it. I don’t care that you’re a movie star. I don’t care that you’re famous or rich or in demand or even that you’re leaving tomorrow. I care that you spoke to me like you trusted me...that you listened to me when I told you my secrets. I care that you made me see it was okay to come out of my shell, to try new things, to let people see the real me. I care that when you touched me...my whole world lit up.’

‘That’s just sex.’ The defence was automatic. Sex he knew. Sex was safe. The other stuff... Any of that he still had left he needed to save for his next movie role—if he got one that was worth anything at all after this. ‘And the talking...I told you. I wanted to get this part and they needed me to act deep.’

‘Are you honestly trying to tell me that everything between us happened because you wanted to win some role in a film?’ She raised her eyebrows as she stared at him, and he knew it was crazy. Knew that what had happened between them transcended not just his career but his life so far.

And that was why it scared the hell out of him. He’d had something close to this once—and he’d lost it the moment he’d admitted to it.

He wasn’t taking the chance of feeling that pain again.

‘You know us actors,’ he said, shrugging as casually as he could. ‘We’ll do anything for a shot at an award.’ Not that he had a hope of that now—but Eloise didn’t need to know that. If she realised what he’d given up trying to protect her she might read something more into it than there was.

Her mouth actually dropped open. A director would tell her she was overacting, but Noah knew better. Eloise didn’t act. She was who she was, and it was glorious.

But he knew something else too. She didn’t believe she was worth it, and he could use that now. Because looking deeper was one thing. Falling in love was another altogether—it would take him all the way into his soul and out the other side and it could burn him up on the journey. If he wanted to hold onto Eloise, that was what he knew it would take—everything.

And he didn’t have it in him any more.

‘You know, the saddest thing is, you might really believe that,’ Eloise said, her voice soft. ‘You might actually believe that you’re just an actor and it’s all just a role. But you’re wrong. I saw the real you, I know it. And I think we could have been happy. I don’t know how it would have worked, or what would have happened next, but we’d have been happy. And it doesn’t matter now because you won’t even try. You won’t let yourself feel anything as real and as deep as love. Even if it could give you everything that’s been missing for the last seven years.’

‘You’re wrong,’ he said but, even as the words came out, he knew he was lying.

He could have been happy.

But how long for?

‘I’ll see you at the wedding,’ he said. And then he turned and walked out on love. For good.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

‘TOLD YOU SHE wouldn’t wear the veil.’ Laurel sidled up to Eloise as they stood outside the ceremony room, waiting for the signal to start the procession. Caitlin and Iona were fussing with Melissa’s train while the bride checked her reflection one last time and straightened the tiara on her—veil-less—head.

‘You were right,’ Eloise said, viewing the proceedings with a strange detachment. As if she were watching the action on a cinema screen, not really part of it at all.

Quite a lot of the last few days seemed like that now, actually.

‘You okay?’ Laurel asked, lowering her clipboard and looking up at her, concern in her eyes. ‘I heard... Well, there’s been a lot of talk this morning.’

‘I’m sure there has,’ Eloise replied serenely. Of course there would be. Everyone staying at Morwen Hall would have woken up to the comedy gold that was her falling out of a cupboard half naked with Noah Cross.

But at least they didn’t know the worst of her humiliation. Noah was right about that—he’d defended her from the mortification of everyone in the world knowing that she’d fallen in love with Noah and been rejected. They were the only two people in the world who knew exactly what had happened between them that week.

In a way, their fling was still a secret. Others might speculate but they’d never know the truth of it.

That mind-set was the only thing that had got her through Melissa’s snide comments and the half jokes and sniggers from the other bridesmaids as they’d got ready together that morning. The make-up artist Melissa had hired had tutted and despaired aloud at the bags under Eloise’s eyes, but some serious application of concealer and other potions from her magic bag of tricks seemed to have hidden them well enough. The icy blue-green dress had been laced tight enough to give her some semblance of curves and her red hair curled and pinned up on the back of her head, leaving her neck bare.

Eloise couldn’t help but feel as if she’d been prepared for an execution.

‘You seem very...calm,’ Laurel said. ‘Serene, even.’

Eloise gave her a small smile and raised one shoulder in a half shrug. ‘What else is there to do?’

‘I suppose.’

She’d realised after Noah left, after she’d wailed and sobbed and thrown things at the door he’d left through, that this was it. The lowest she could go. The whole world knew everything about her that she’d wanted to keep secret, and they probably all thought the worst. Either she was a fame-hungry slut seducing Noah in a cupboard, or a crazed fan lusting after him and thinking herself in love, when he was just using her for a bit of light relief.

But the thing was, neither of those were true. They were all an act—every theory, every story.

And, underneath them all, she was still Eloise Miller. Still in love with Noah Cross. Not the film star, but the man.

And no amount of humiliation could hurt as much as knowing that after today she might never see him again.

But he’d given her something, at least. She knew now what she needed to do next. He’d been right about one thing, somewhere in the middle of all his lies. She’d been hiding away at Morwen Hall for too long—too scared to go after her own dreams, to risk stepping into the spotlight and fighting for what she really wanted.

She’d fought for Noah. She might not have won him but she’d taken the risk and told him the truth—that she loved him. That was a big step.

And as soon as this wedding was over she would take another one. She’d hand in her notice at Morwen Hall and step out of hiding at last. It was time to go after all those other dreams she’d been too scared to chase—her own company, a career she could feel passionately about. Her own life, somewhere else.

She had a lot of planning to do, Eloise knew. But if she took nothing else away from her encounter with Noah Cross, she would have this: she wasn’t afraid of the spotlight any more.

How could she be? After all, it couldn’t ever get worse than this. And that thought was strangely liberating.

The string quartet at the front of the ceremony room started a new piece and Melissa gave a little squeal. ‘It’s time!’

‘Good luck,’ Laurel whispered as they lined up in their assigned order. ‘I’m going to head in and watch from the front.’

Eloise nodded to show that she’d heard her, but otherwise kept her focus on the task at hand. All she had to do was get through the rest of the day, and then she could fall apart and start again. Just another ten hours until the clock ticked past midnight and they entered a whole new year.

A fresh start. Just what she needed.

The doors opened and Eloise took her first careful, measured step, her bouquet held up at just the right height, right foot first, as instructed.

They’d opted to hold the ceremony in the old ballroom—one of the few rooms inside the hotel that retained some of the original Gothic charm. The high, peaked windows let in the winter light through thick glass, glinting off the displays of bright white flowers on every sill. The chairs the hotel staff had laid out in neat rows were now filled with the rich and famous, and at the end of the long aisle stood the celebrant, flanked by Riley, the groom, and Noah. The best man. The only man for her.

And the one man she was certain she could never have.

Eloise concentrated on her breathing as she made her way steadily down the long aisle, ignoring the whispers and muffled laughs around her. Then she heard the gasps and ‘ah’s as she reached the halfway point and knew that Melissa had made her entrance too. Nobody cared about Noah Cross’s fling any more. Melissa was the main attraction—just as she should be, and just as she’d wanted.

Eloise was more than happy to give up this spotlight to her.

As she approached the celebrant, Noah turned at last and she focused on not losing control as she saw his face. He didn’t look like his life had just been ripped apart—probably because it hadn’t.

Was it really all just an act for him? All that they’d shared, could it really have only been a means to an end? She didn’t want to believe it, but maybe she should. He was an actor. He was everything she’d always suspected he would be. Even all he’d shared about Sally—maybe it was just a sob story designed to get her into bed.

Except she’d already been in bed.

And except that it had felt real.

Eloise might not be very well acquainted with love, but now she’d felt its effects, a small part of her couldn’t give up the hope that maybe he felt it too.

Noah looked right at her and Eloise dropped her gaze. She couldn’t let him see how badly he’d hurt her. Despite everything, she still had her pride.

But then something made her glance up again to study his face, just for a moment—and she knew.

Noah Cross was a brilliant actor. But even he couldn’t out-act love.

The only problem was, love didn’t make a blind bit of difference if he wouldn’t let himself feel it. He probably didn’t even know himself.

Which meant that Eloise was no better off than she’d been when he’d left her bereft that morning. In fact, she might be worse.

Because now she knew that both of them were going to lose what might have been the most important thing in their lives.

* * *

The ceremony was excruciating. Not just watching Melissa and Riley pledge undying love, when everyone in the room knew it probably wouldn’t last five years. In fact, when he’d arrived there had been someone at the back of the room giving odds.

Noah hadn’t placed a bet. He didn’t bet on love these days.

No, the worst part had been the way Eloise wouldn’t meet his eyes—except for the one brief moment when she’d frowned at him, as if seeing something she didn’t expect. He’d wanted to ask her what she thought she’d seen, what depth she thought he’d sunk to now. But the room was full of eyes and, besides, even if they hadn’t been in the middle of a wedding, he’d given up that right when he’d walked out on her that morning.

‘Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...’ The celebrant droned on, using the movie script version of the wedding ceremony that Noah suspected they’d paid extra for. This wasn’t a marriage, wasn’t a declaration of love. It was the ultimate act—a chance for Melissa and Riley to show the rest of the world what they didn’t have, not realising how much more some couples did have. True love. A connection that couldn’t be broken by failing box office receipts. A partner they could rely on. Someone to grow old and grey with, not plan plastic surgery with.

Someone who saw into their soul, and loved them anyway.

He bit the inside of his cheek to force himself to stop thinking about it, as he handed the rings over to Riley. What did it matter to him how shallow this whole day was? It wasn’t as if he was searching for anything deeper. He wasn’t even willing to get as far as a third date, let alone the altar. He had no moral high ground here.

Suddenly, the room erupted into applause and Noah realised he’d missed the ‘I do’s and everything that went with them. Moments later, they were all parading back out of the ballroom, ready to have photographs taken to immortalise this very special day in print and online, while the rest of the guests got to eat canapés.

He wanted to go and stand by Eloise, to tell her jokes until she looked less...absent. She looked as if she’d mentally checked out of the whole day already. Not that he could blame her. He’d heard enough of the talk that morning—and, as expected, it was all about her. No one expected anything else from him, he supposed.

No, even if she didn’t just slap him the moment he got close, he couldn’t do anything to make this day any harder for her. It just felt wrong, watching her try to fade into the background, to disappear at the celebrity wedding of the year. She belonged in the spotlight, whatever she believed. She was so vibrant, so bright, so real. That was what the world should be looking at, not the superficial and the showy.

The world should be looking at Eloise the way he was. As if she was the most important person on the planet. She deserved no less.

He wanted the world to see what real love looked like. Not fake Hollywood romance like Melissa and Riley’s. Not him and whichever woman he took out that night. Real love—the sort that had shone out of Eloise like a holy truth that morning, when she’d told him she loved him.

The world should see that. And they should see it returned. They should see the truth of his feelings—the way his soul felt lighter when she smiled at him, the way his life lit up when she was beside him, the way he could tell her anything, could admit anything and still be loved...

The way he loved her.

He loved her.

His skin felt tight, his blood too hot, as if the words might explode out of him at any moment, right there in the middle of the wedding photos.

He was so crazily in love with Eloise Miller it might have actually driven him mad. And the thought of leaving without her ever knowing that...

He knew he should. She deserved better—someone with less scar tissue, fewer war wounds from love. And, whatever he felt, he didn’t know if he could do it. Didn’t know if he could take that risk and give everything, fall that deep and risk drowning in love.

But suddenly he knew he had to try.

* * *

In all the activity of the wedding day it was easy enough for Eloise to avoid spending any quality time with Noah—especially since Laurel had kindly switched around the place settings so that she didn’t have to sit next to him at the top table. But, despite managing to keep her distance, she spent the whole day dreading what was still to come.

The moment she had to get out on the dance floor with Noah.

Had the wedding been anyone’s except Melissa’s she’d have begged for mercy from the bride, or come up with some excuse. But Eloise refused to let Melissa know just how much she didn’t want to be out there, dancing with Noah.

How was she supposed to concentrate on the steps when his arms were around her? How could she stand all those people staring at her, watching them together, thinking they already knew all their secrets?

But, one way or another, she’d have to get through it. Then tomorrow he’d be on a plane, flying away from her, and it would all be over.

She bit the inside of her cheek to stop the tears. That was supposed to be a comforting thought.

Eventually, she’d pushed her food around her plate so many times that everyone else had finished eating. She managed to excuse herself during the speeches, to go and check that the ballroom was ready for the evening reception, so she didn’t have to hear Noah wax lyrical about the sort of love he didn’t believe he was capable of. That might have driven her over the edge.

‘Nearly there,’ Laurel said as she led the guests—laughing and more than a little tipsy—through to the ballroom a short time later. ‘Just get through the dancing and it’s all over. I’ll deal with the rest from there. Okay?’

Eloise nodded. ‘Thanks.’

Laurel’s response was a fierce hug. ‘We can’t let them break us. Whatever they do. We’re stronger than that.’

‘I know,’ Eloise said. She just wished she believed it in her heart as well as in her head.

Before she had time to think of escaping, the Master of Ceremonies was announcing the first dance and Melissa and Riley took to the floor. Eloise watched them spin elegantly around the room and waited for Noah to approach, steeling herself for his touch again.

‘May I have this dance?’ She spun to find him standing behind her, his hand outstretched, and gave a sharp nod as she took it. All business—that was the key. This was part of her job...that was all.

Except...

Noah pulled her into his arms as he led her onto the dance floor and she focused on a point over his left shoulder just so she didn’t have to look into his eyes and see what was missing there. See again how wrong she’d been to think this could be anything more than a fling.

‘Eloise,’ he murmured, and she felt his voice all the way through her body. ‘Look at me. Please.’

She didn’t want to. But she couldn’t resist the need in his voice. Setting her jaw, she turned her head, just enough to meet his gaze—and promptly stumbled over her own feet at what she saw there.

Noah caught her, kept them moving, but Eloise wasn’t concentrating on the dance any longer.

She was watching his eyes, and feeling the depth of the emotion radiating from them.

‘You were right,’ he said, as the dance continued. ‘I’ve been wanting to tell you all day, almost since the moment I saw you walking down the aisle towards me, and I realised. I don’t want to be safe—not if it means I can’t have you. I want more. I want love, and I’m willing to take the risk to get it.’

They were the words she’d been waiting for, but Eloise couldn’t trust them, not yet. ‘You say the right thing for a living, Noah. Why should I believe you this time over all the things you said this morning?’

‘Because I was an idiot. Because...because I was so scared of losing you I couldn’t let myself close enough in the first place. But I realised something today. Losing you might destroy me, but no more than letting you go without even giving this a try would. I should have known last night, when I lied to that reporter about what you meant to me. I wanted to tell a different lie, you know. To tell her that it was serious, that we were together—because that would have got me the role I wanted so badly. I told you, I promised the director no flings. But if I’d told them this was a real relationship, I might have got away with it.’

‘But you didn’t,’ Eloise said, confused. Why hadn’t he? He wanted that part desperately; she knew that. So why not take the easy way out? ‘Why not?’

‘Because I was trying to protect you, crazy as that sounds. So I gave up the part for you—and I ended up hurting you even more. I’m so sorry, Eloise.’ He pulled her closer, so close that his lips could touch hers if she just moved an inch. But she stayed motionless, wanting to hear every last word he had to say. ‘But I promise you, this isn’t an act. It’s not a part I’m playing, I swear. It’s just me, putting my heart on the line for what I hope is the last time. And I’ll take that risk every single day if I have to, if it means you’ll keep on loving me as much as I love you.’