Adam's Daughter

‘Her name is Hannah and she’s six years old. She’s Claire’s daughter.’

She heard his swift intake of breath but she couldn’t stop, couldn’t let herself think of anything else at that moment except what had to be done. ‘She’s your daughter, too, Adam.’

Afterwards, she was never sure if the silence had lasted only in her imagination. It seemed to run on and on yet even though she was physically aching to say something, she couldn’t break it. She needed Adam to speak first so that she could decide how to handle the situation from that point on.

‘I didn’t know. I had no idea…’

Beth heard him take a deep breath but his voice was raw with pain and a host of things that made her eyes prickle with tears. ‘Claire never told me. She never, ever told me!’

‘I know she didn’t.’ She swung round, surprised by the need she felt to reassure him. His face was completely in shadow now but she saw the glitter of moisture on his cheeks and her heart quailed because of what else she had to tell him soon.

‘Claire decided not to tell you in that letter she sent you but…’

‘What letter?’ he demanded immediately. ‘I never received any letter.’

‘Claire wrote to you when she found out that she was pregnant,’ she said slowly. ‘She didn’t want to, but I persuaded her that she should.’

‘I never received a letter from her,’ he said, and his tone was so harsh and flat that Beth knew at once that he was telling her the truth. She shrugged, not sure what to say because this new development had shaken her. For all these years she had blamed him for not replying, suspected him of deliberately avoiding his responsibilities, yet suddenly she realised that she had been doing him an injustice. The crazy thing was how relieved she felt.

‘I don’t know what happened to it, then. All I know is that Claire wrote and asked if she could see you. She was going to tell you about the baby if she thought it was the best thing to do…’

‘What do you mean if it was the best thing to do? It was my child, damn it! I had the right to know!’

Beth heard the anger in his voice and knew that she had to find a way to explain her sister’s actions. ‘She wanted to do what was right for everyone concerned…you, the baby and herself.’

‘Really? How very good of her.’ His anger rose on a sudden wave and seemed to envelop them both. ‘What it boils down to is that she was going to sit in judgement on me, decide whether or not I was fit to be told that I had a child! How could that be right? You tell me that!’

‘Don’t! There’s no point getting angry with Claire. She didn’t do it to hurt you.’

It took just a couple of steps to reach the bench but Beth’s heart was aching when she saw how tightly his fingers were clutching the photograph. Adam was angry but more importantly he was upset and she wanted to help him understand because it might help.

‘You and Claire hadn’t planned on having a child and she didn’t want your whole life to be disrupted as a result of it. So she made the decision to try and find out how you would feel about the idea before she told you.’

‘And decided when I didn’t answer her letter that that was the end of it. It let her off the hook, didn’t it? Gave her an excuse not to contact me again. I hadn’t bothered replying so obviously I wasn’t interested. Was that what you both thought?’

She sighed, wishing that she could deny it. ‘She wasn’t to know that you hadn’t received the letter.’

‘Maybe not. But surely the possibility should have occurred to her. Claire knew that I was planning on going overseas. It wouldn’t take a genius to work out that the letter might not have reached me. She knew very well that she could have got in touch with me through my uncle, but she didn’t make any attempt to do so, did she? She conveniently wrote me out of my child’s life!’

Beth touched his hand and it felt icy despite the warmth of the evening air. ‘All I can do is repeat what I’ve just told you, that Claire did what she thought was best. You must try to believe that.’

‘It isn’t easy. All these years and I never knew that I had a daughter.’ He stared at the picture then ran his hand over his eyes. ‘I can’t seem to take it in. If you hadn’t told me, I would never have known about her…’

He stopped and she felt his hand clench on the photograph. His voice seemed to grate when he continued, vibrating along her nerves, filling her with apprehension. ‘Why did you tell me? You said that you’d spent a long time tracking me down but why now? You could have told me when your sister died, or at any point during these past seven years, but you didn’t. So why did you suddenly decide that it was time I knew about Hannah?’

Beth removed her hand abruptly. This was the really difficult part and she wasn’t sure that she could deal with it.

Only she had no choice.

‘Because Hannah desperately needs your help,’ she explained huskily, struggling to keep control of her emotions. ‘Six months ago she started being ill, you see. She was tired and listless all the time. At first I wondered if it was a reaction to Claire’s death even though she seemed to have accepted it.’

She knew that she was laying the ground, trying to lessen the shock so she continued when he didn’t say anything. ‘I was so worried about her that I took her to the doctor and he ordered some tests to be done. When the results came back they showed that Hannah had acute lymphoblastic leukaemia.’

‘God!’ He stood up and paced to the top of the steps then swung round. ‘How has she responded to treatment? I take it that she’s in hospital?’

‘Very well and, yes, she is in hospital. She’s been in St Jude’s for several months now,’ she explained quietly.

‘And what’s the prognosis? Has the consultant said what her chances are?’ he rapped out.

Beth sensed that he needed to hear all the facts to help him deal with the shock he’d had. ‘Mr Guest—that’s Hannah’s consultant—is very pleased with her. He’s confident that she’ll be in remission soon.’

‘Thank heaven for that!’ He took a deep breath and she saw a shudder run through him. ‘So what happens next?’

‘Once remission is achieved then, hopefully, Hannah will have a bone-marrow transplant. Apparently, they do that straight away nowadays once a child is in remission.’

She paused, choosing her words with care because this part was so important. ‘The problem is that the hospital hasn’t found a suitable donor for her. They’ve gone through all the usual channels and I’ve been tested, but they’ve drawn a blank. I was hoping that if I did manage to find you, you might be willing to be tested. I know it’s a lot to ask…’

She stopped when he swore under his breath. He turned back to her and the expression on his face made her tremble because it was so ferocious. Her heart turned over because she couldn’t bear it if he refused.

‘It’s her only chance, Adam! If Hannah doesn’t get this bone-marrow transplant then her chances of survival are virtually nil. Please, say that you’ll think about it.’

‘I don’t need to think about it! What kind of a man do you think I am?’ His blue eyes seemed to burn with an inner fire as he glared at her. ‘This is my child we’re talking about—my daughter. I’d give up my life if it would help her!’

‘You mean that you’ll do it? You’ll be tested?’ It was almost too much to take in. She stared at him and saw an expression of intense pain cross his face.

‘Yes. And now I want to see her. I take it that you were going to the hospital to visit Hannah, so I’ll go with you. I’ve got Uncle Jonathan’s car so I’ll drive.’

‘Oh, but…’ she began, not sure that it would be wise to rush into a meeting between the pair that night. Adam needed time to come to terms with what she had told him and she needed to prepare Hannah.

He was halfway down the steps but he stopped. ‘No buts, Beth. I want to see Hannah. I’ve missed the first six years of her life so I think I have the right to do that.’

She couldn’t argue with that and didn’t try because she knew it would be pointless. ‘All right. But I want you to understand that Hannah doesn’t know anything about you. Claire…well, Claire decided that it was better not to tell her in the circumstances.’

‘And you agreed to keep the secret, didn’t you?’ He smiled thinly. ‘You and Claire erased me from Hannah’s life but the situation is going to change from here on, believe me.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘That I intend to make up for all those lost years. Hannah needs a father. She needs me in more ways than you ever realised!’

He turned and ran down the steps and a few seconds later she heard a car starting up. She quickly locked the door and followed him, deeply troubled by what he had said.

He had a right to be angry, a right even to blame her for keeping her promise to Claire, but did he have the right to disrupt Hannah’s life? How would the child feel if she grew fond of him then he upped and left again? Chris had told her that Adam had an aversion to commitment, yet the one thing a child needed was stability. Claire must have known how Adam had felt all those years ago, which was why she had been so loath to tell him about Hannah. Could she really trust him not to break her precious niece’s heart?

She slid into the passenger seat and glanced at Adam as he put the car into gear, felt a little bubble of panic rise to the surface of her mind. Could she trust him not to break her own heart as well?

Now, where had that thought sprung from?

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