Lacey pulled off her sneaker and threw it at the smoke alarm. The device flew off and landed in the kitchen sink, causing the deafening sound to stop. The blackened toast popped up at the same time.

Emma looked through her fingers. “You’re gonna kill us, Lacey.”

She opened the window to let the smoke out. “I have everything under control,” she said, hoping she sounded convincing. Inside, she was shaking and wondering how a twenty-eight-year-old woman could be so hopeless in the kitchen.

She threw the burned slices of bread in the garbage and put four more in the toaster. Stupid smoke alarm wasn’t stopping her.

“You have to know when to push up the lever,” Emma told her. “Daddy knew.”

Next trip to town Lacey was buying a new toaster. She was tired of fooling with this relic. While she watched the bread, she slipped her sneaker back on. Just as the slices were starting to burn, she pushed up the lever, and then buttered the toast, added grape jelly and placed it on the plate with the scrambled eggs.

“Breakfast,” she said, sliding it in front of Emma with a smile.

Emma rolled her eyes. “Now we don’t have a smoke alarm.”

“I’ll get the ladder and put it back after breakfast. Nothing I can’t handle.”

Emma ate her breakfast and Lacey munched on a piece of toast. Nothing like starting the day with a little excitement. She hoped Gabe hadn’t heard the alarm. She had a feeling he didn’t hear much of anything besides the demons in his head.

Brushing hair from her face, Emma asked, “Are you mad at me?”

Lacey knew Emma was talking about last night. “You disobeyed me.”

Emma swallowed a mouthful of egg. “Mr. Gabe doesn’t mean it when he says for me not to come into his yard.”

“Emma, sweetie, yes, he does.”

“But I hear Pepper and I have to go.”

Lacey sighed. “Pepper is not our dog, and we have to respect Mr. Gabe’s privacy. Do you understand that?”

Emma shook her head.

Lacey was all out of options. She’d just have to watch Emma more closely. She clapped her hands to brighten the moment. “Today we get the Christmas tree. Daddy always got it the Saturday after Thanksgiving.”

“There’s no Santa Claus, Lacey!” Emma shouted. “We don’t need a Christmas tree!”

“Well, I still believe in Christmas, and I’m putting up a tree right in front of the windows in the living room.”

“I’m not looking at it.” Emma jumped off the bar stool.

“You don’t have to.” It broke Lacey’s heart that Emma was being so adamant about this. Maybe if she kept pushing, Emma would start to believe again. There was no Christmas without the magic of belief. Somehow, Lacey had to find a way to put a little more of that good stuff in their lives. “Go get dressed while I put our dishes in the dishwasher.”

Lacey managed to reattach the smoke alarm. The green light came on, so she felt sure it was working and ready for the next round.

* * *

THE CHRISTMAS TREE lot was off the square in Horseshoe. People were out and about searching for the perfect tree.

“I’m not looking,” Emma told her.

Lacey didn’t say anything. She got out of the car and walked around, inspecting the trees. Soon Emma was right beside her. It was taking a while, but Lacey was learning parenting tricks.

She picked out a seven-foot Douglas fir and had the man put a stand on it. Then he tied it on to the top of her SUV.

While they were waiting, a little girl came over and said something to Emma. To Lacey’s shock, Emma frowned and kicked at her with her sneaker. The little girl ran back to her father, who was measuring a tree.

This wasn’t the place to discipline Emma. She’d wait until they got home. Lacey didn’t know if she had the strength or the capabilities to continue to deal with this kind of behavior. But she would keep trying.

As they pulled into their driveway, Lacey saw Gabe in his front yard digging up a shrub that had died. The black knit cap he wore on his head gave him a dangerous, fierce look. He didn’t even raise his head as they got out. He just kept digging.

Before Lacey could stop her, Emma darted over to Gabe. Lacey wanted to pull out her hair. This was turning out to be the worst day ever. She ran behind Emma and caught her just before she reached the man.

“Whatcha doing?” Emma asked.

Lacey took her hand and led her back toward their house without saying a word to the man who was glaring at them.

“You disobeyed me again. Go into the house and sit on the sofa until I get there. And do not turn on the TV. Do you understand me?”

Emma nodded and stomped toward the front door. Lacey unlocked it and Emma went inside. First, Lacey had to get the tree off the SUV, and then she would deal with her sister.

She grabbed a pair of scissors and the kitchen stool. She cut the strings off the tree and tried to lift it from the SUV, but soon found she couldn’t. The stool gave her some height, but not enough for her to hoist the heavy tree. The branches scratched her face and she said a cuss word under her breath. How was she going to get the tree off the car?

* * *

GABE KEPT DIGGING, trying to ignore the crazy lady on the rickety kitchen stool. She was going to fall and break her neck, but it was none of his concern. She stood on tiptoes and tried to heave it off, but to no avail. The woman was a menace. Her smoke alarm went off regularly. He’d heard it that morning. Evidently, she couldn’t cook. The stool wobbled and she grabbed the car to keep from falling.

Do not help. Do not help.

The warning in his head was clear, and he always obeyed it because he didn’t want to interact with anyone. But even he had a breaking point. He propped the shovel against the house and walked over.

With one gloved hand he gripped the tree trunk and lifted it from the SUV.

“Oh...oh...” she stammered, almost falling off the stool again.

“Where do you want this?” he snapped.

“Uh...” She climbed off the stool and headed for the front door. “In here.”

Inside the house she pointed to the living room windows. He placed the tree in the spot.

“Hi, Mr. Gabe,” the little girl said from the sofa.

He didn’t want to engage in conversation, so he left. On his way back to his house, he cursed himself. He didn’t want to get involved, and helping the crazy lady was a sure way for that to happen. He was trying desperately to keep his privacy, and he’d probably just made a big mistake.

That suffocating feeling came over him, and he went into the house to check on Pepper. She was better this morning and had even trotted outside to do her business. The shots always helped for a while. How he wished they could last longer. Soon he’d have to make a decision, and it was tearing him up inside. He just couldn’t let go.

He wasn’t sure what he was afraid of. The vet had said it was the best thing for the dog, but how could killing something be good? If he did what the vet had suggested, it would be like letting go of Zack all over again.

Some things were just too painful to endure twice.

* * *

LACEY WAS STUNNED. The Grouch had helped. She was still trying to digest that. Maybe things would change. Maybe he would be friendlier. And maybe she would sprout wings and fly. Oh, yeah. Gabe Garrison had not changed. She had no idea why he had helped, and he probably had none, either.

She had other important matters to take care of. For the first time, she’d become aware of how Emma brightened when Gabe was around. She’d formed a connection with him and Pepper.

Their father had raised Emma. Mona had died six months after Emma’s birth. While Mona had been pregnant, the doctors had discovered cancer. Mona had refused any treatment until after the baby was born, but by then the aggressive cancer had spread. She hadn’t lasted long.

Emma was more comfortable around men, and she’d somehow transferred that need for a father figure to Gabe. That was why Emma kept saying Gabe didn’t mean what he said. Another problem. Lacey had too many to deal with. She’d tackle the most pressing first.

“Mr. Gabe brought our tree in,” Emma said, her eyes bright. It didn’t escape Lacey that Emma had said our. Maybe Lacey was winning her over.

She knelt in front of Emma, who sat on the sofa. “Why did you disobey me again? You’re not supposed to go into Gabe’s yard.”

Emma twisted her hands. “I forgot and I wanted to see what he was doing.”

“Emma...”

“Really. I forgot.”

Lacey had a feeling she was fighting a losing battle about Gabe and his privacy, so she decided to tackle another problem. “What did the little girl at the tree lot say to you?”

Emma looked down at her hands. “She said hi.”

“Then why did you kick at her?”

“’Cause I don’t like her.”

“Why? She seemed real nice and she was there with her daddy....” Lacey’s voice trailed off as something occurred to her. “You don’t like her because she has a daddy and you don’t.”

From the shattered look in Emma’s eyes, Lacey knew she was right. She wanted to stand up and do a jig. She’d gotten it right. Maybe parenting didn’t come through the birth canal. Maybe it was trial and error.

She sat next to Emma. “You have a father, and he loved you more than life itself. You do know that, don’t you?”

“But he’s not here.” The little voice wavered. “Why did my daddy have to go?”

Lacey gathered her into her arms. “I don’t know, sweetie. I wish I had an answer that would make you feel better, but I don’t. Sometimes bad things happen in life, and we have to adjust and go on. That’s what Daddy wanted for you, and you promised him you wouldn’t be sad.”

“I miss Daddy,” Emma cried.

“I do, too.” Lacey held her sister and hoped by talking she could ease some of her pain. “Close your eyes.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.”

Emma scrunched her eyes together.

“Now, can you see Daddy? Try to see him.”

“I can. I can see Daddy.”

Lacey held her tighter. “Is he smiling?”

“Yes. He’s smiling at me.” Emma’s voice grew excited.

“When you’re feeling lonely and when you think other children have a daddy and you don’t, just close your eyes and your daddy is right there. Always. And I’m right here. Always.”

Emma leaned away. “Are you mad at me?” It was Emma’s stock question when she’d done something wrong.

Lacey kissed her forehead. “No, sweetie. I’m not mad at you. But the next time that little girl says hi to you, I want you to say hi back. I do not want you kicking at anyone. Understand?”

Emma nodded.

“I’ll call Sharon and see if Jimmy can come over and play for a while.”

Emma jumped up. “Oh, boy! I’ll get my Legos out.”

And just like that the morning turned around. For the time being.

Jimmy came over. Lacey made them peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches for lunch, and then they returned to building stuff in the living room. As Lacey wiped the counter, she heard banging. And it was close. He wouldn’t!

She ran outside and pushed on the gate, but it wouldn’t budge. She used her body and shoved with all her might, and still the gate wouldn’t move. Damn him! She wasn’t going to let Gabe get away with this.

Back in the house, she hollered to the kids, “I’m going outside.”

“’Kay,” Emma shouted back.

Lacey went into the garage and found a hammer. Then she grabbed the kitchen stool that was still by the car and marched around to the fence between Gabe’s and their house. She stepped up on the ladder and then vaulted over. Misjudging the height, she landed on her butt. She was winded for a moment, but she still had the hammer in her hand.

Getting to her feet, she took a long breath and marched to the gate. A large board was nailed across it. She tried to pry it away with the hammer, but she wasn’t strong enough. Damn! She kicked at the gate. Frustrated, she sank to the ground with her back against it.

“What are you doing?”

She looked up into the brooding eyes of the dark knight. Every time she looked at his sad face, she wanted to apologize or try to make him feel better, like she did Emma. But sometimes there was no way to make things better.

She staggered to her feet. “I was trying to pry the board away, but you nailed it securely. I hope you’re happy.”

Gabe just stared at her, his dark eyes orbs of never-ending sadness.

“She’s a little girl and she doesn’t understand. And I don’t understand how you can be so cruel. How would you feel if someone had done this to your son?”

He turned as white as the fluffy clouds over his head, and Lacey thought he was going to pass out. Still, she wasn’t in a relenting mood.

“If it makes you happy to keep the gate closed and us out, then by all means leave it nailed up. One day you’re going to have to face the outside world and maybe even have to explain how you could hurt a six-year-old child. Your son would be so disappointed in you. Emma’s made a connection to you and Pepper, but I will do my damnedest to keep her away. So be happy, Mr. Gabe Garrison. You just secured your privacy.”

After saying that, she marched back to the fence and realized there was no way to get over it without the stool, which was on the other side.

Not willing to lose face, she stormed around his house and to the double gates on the other side. Stomping across his front yard, she realized she still had the hammer in her hand. What had she done? She’d traumatized a man who was barely hanging on emotionally.

Placing the hammer back in her father’s toolbox, she knew she had to apologize. Later, though, when she wasn’t fuming.

Gabe was so locked within himself he probably hadn’t even heard what she’d said. She’d take time to cool off and then she would try to make amends. If that was possible.

She was so tired of dealing with grief and pain that she wanted to scream. There had to be a glimmer of happiness somewhere, and she intended to find it for Emma. And for herself.

But for Gabe, happiness was in his rearview mirror. And the road ahead was strewn with heartache and pain. Hope was something he didn’t even want or desire. Inside, he was already as dead as his son.

Chapter Three

Gabe walked into his house and sat at the kitchen table, Pepper curled at his feet. The woman had some nerve. She didn’t even know Zack or him. He looked up to stare at a photo of his son.

How would you feel if someone had done this to your child?

Don’t think.

But his feelings bubbled to the surface. He would be as mad as hell. He ran his hands over his face and a tortured sigh escaped. He would have protected his son with his dying breath, except that when his son had needed him the most, Gabe hadn’t been there. He’d failed his son. He’d failed to teach him how important it was to follow rules. He’d failed to discipline him. That was all on Gabe’s shoulders. Gabe was the reason Zack was dead.

Another tortured sigh erupted from his throat.

Pepper whined and Gabe reached down to pat her. As he did, he saw his reflection in the glass on the stove. He didn’t recognize himself. He touched his bearded face. When was the last time he’d shaved? Or showered? Or had gotten a haircut? He couldn’t remember.

Your son would be so disappointed in you.

The woman was right. He recognized that somewhere in the frozen region of his mind. Zack wouldn’t approve of him giving up and living his days in regret. But what else could he do? He had no reason to live anymore, but he didn’t have the nerve to take his own life. He would never do that. It went against everything he believed in. So he continued to live in a hell of his own making.

One crazy woman was putting doubts in his head. Ignore her, he told himself. But he looked at the photo of his smiling son and knew he couldn’t continue to live like this. Zack was gone and he couldn’t hurt another child. But he could make things right.

* * *

IT TOOK LACEY about thirty minutes to calm down. Emma and Jimmy continued to play with the Legos and she made them a snack. Afterward, Emma wanted to know if they could go outside and play. Lacey hesitated, but Emma would find out soon enough about the gate. Lacey just had to be ready to explain.

She watched from the window while the kids chased each other and then played with a soccer ball, kicking it. Not once did Emma go to the gate, and Lacey was grateful for a little more time. Sharon called and Jimmy went home.

Not wanting to go to the diner again, Lacey made hot dogs and they had store-packaged pudding for dessert. She had to do better than this.

Emma took her bath and then curled up on the sofa to watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Lacey couldn’t get Gabe off her mind.

“Sweetie, I’m going outside just for a minute. I’ll be right back.”

“’Kay.” Emma was already engrossed in the movie.

Lacey went through the garage and walked to Gabe’s front door. She rang the bell and waited. After a moment, he opened it.

She could only stare. He’d shaved, and his long hair was slicked back as if he’d just gotten out of the shower. He wore jeans and a black T-shirt and his feet were bare. Raw masculinity seemed to reach out and touch her. She swallowed hard.

“Did you want something?” he asked, his voice wrapping around her in a soothing sensation.

“Um...”

He lifted a dark eyebrow, and his eyes were heated with an emotion she couldn’t describe. It wasn’t anger this time. Could it be regret?

“Did you want something?” he repeated.

She cleared her throat. “Yes. I want to apologize for what I said earlier. I was completely out of line mentioning your son.”

He inclined his head, as if that was a response.

Taking a couple steps backward, she turned and walked to her house. She’d never met anyone like Gabe before. He used a bare minimum of words, and she found that odd for a man who was a lawyer—or who had been one.

Once in her garage, she took a couple of deep breaths before joining Emma to watch the rest of the movie. But the movie went right by her as thoughts of Gabe filled her head. He cleaned up better than anyone she’d ever known. He was handsome with a rugged, masculine appeal that made her pulse skitter with awareness.

She’d had a boyfriend in Austin, and they had been serious until her father had become ill and Lacey had started spending so much time in Horseshoe. Darin hadn’t been happy that she’d taken on the responsibility of Emma, and they’d drifted apart. She hadn’t heard from him in months.

Her mother also hadn’t been pleased with Lacey’s decision. But then she and her mother had never been really close. Her father had been the steadying force in her life as a child and as a teenager. Her mother had worked at Macy’s for as far back as Lacey could remember—long hours and all holidays, leaving little time for her family.

Her parents were mismatched, and Lacey had never understood how they’d gotten together. Her mother was a social person who liked to go out after work. Her father had been a homebody who had enjoyed tinkering around the house.

Jack Carroll had been a postman, and her mother always had been on his case about drive and ambition. She’d wanted him to have a desk job. She’d wanted him to have prestige. It had all come to a head after her father had declined a desk job at the post office. Her mother had told him to get out and never come back. And he had. Then she’d blamed him for leaving. Her mother was the victim, and Lacey had grown tired of hearing that story.

But she was Lacey’s mother, and Lacey loved her even though it was hard sometimes to deal with her. She had no idea how she was going to fit Christmas in with her mother, because her mother refused to be around Emma. Somehow she blamed the child for the reason Jack never came back.

Emma was sound asleep, holding her bear. Lacey wondered how anyone could blame an innocent child. And she wondered if her life would be filled with anything other than heartache. Getting up, she yawned, reached for the remote control and clicked off the TV. She lifted Emma into her arms and carried her to bed.

Tomorrow had to be a better day.

And the man next door had to be in a better mood. They’d made a start. Now Lacey waited for the next encounter.

* * *

THE NEXT MORNING Lacey was in a hurry to make the ten o’clock mass. Emma was being stubborn, not wanting to wear a dress or put a bow in her hair. But Lacey won that round. They walked through the doors of the little Catholic Church in Horseshoe just as the bell chimed.

Emma fidgeted during the service, and Lacey had to give her a couple of sharp stares to keep her still. Afterward, they came out of church to a cold winter day. In the parking lot, Lacey said hello to Angie and Hardy Hollister. She had met Angie when she’d first moved here. Angie was very nice and had wanted to help as much as she could after Jack’s death. Angie’s friend Peyton was the same. Hardy was the D.A., and Peyton’s husband, Wyatt Carson, was the sheriff.

Emma brightened when she saw Angie and Hardy’s daughter. Erin was almost twelve, but Emma considered her a friend.

Erin took Emma’s hand and they ran to say hello to Erin’s grandma and the Wiznowski family. They were a big family and owned the busiest place in town, the bakery. Lacey was still learning all of their names.

“Why does Emma look so sad?” Angie asked, her hand on her stomach. She was due at the end of March and she positively glowed.

“Brad Wilson told her there’s no Santa Claus and now she doesn’t want to have Christmas.”

“How awful.”

Hardy had his arm around his wife, and he rubbed her shoulder in a loving gesture. “Kids can be cruel.”

Erin and Emma came running back and they said goodbye. Angie bent down to Emma. “Merry Christmas.”

Emma twisted in her Mary Jane shoes and didn’t respond.

Lacey took Emma’s hand and they walked to the car. They went to the diner for lunch before heading home. Emma was very quiet. She probably was feeling lonely, just like Lacey was.

Emma plopped onto the sofa. “Can Jimmy come over to play?”

“No. He’s gone to his grandmother’s today. Change your clothes and we’ll play games or something.”

“No.” The word was spoken in an angry tone.

Lacey gave her a minute. Then she placed her hands on her hips. “Go change your clothes. Now!”

Emma jumped up and ran to her room. Lacey groaned. Another one of those days. They were due for a good one. Soon.

After slipping into jeans and a pullover top, she went to check on Emma. The little girl was lying on her bed, reading a book. She took after her mother. Mona had been a librarian.

Lacey glanced around the lavender, white and purple room she’d helped their father decorate. Emma was not a girlie girl and had not wanted a pink room. Her father had bought all kinds of Barbies and a Barbie doll house and numerous other Barbie toys, but Emma barely touched them. She liked the outdoors and would rather play with a ball instead of a doll. But she did love stuffed animals, and they littered the comforter on her white four-poster bed.

Lacey sat beside her sister. “What are you reading?”

Emma closed A Light in the Attic and scooted up. “Why don’t I have a grandma?”

Oh, that was the reason for the sulkiness. “You did have a grandma. Two, actually. Dad’s mom’s name was Martha and your mom’s was Ruth. Grandma Martha died when I was fifteen. She would’ve loved you.”

“She would?”

“You bet. She gave big hugs and made everyone feel loved. I always looked forward to staying with her during the summer.”

“What about my other grandma?”

Lacey took a breath, hating to talk about so many deaths. But she had to be honest. “She died, too, sweetie. I never met her. She was a librarian like your mother.”

Emma stared down at her sneakers. “Why does everybody have to die?”

<1 2 3 >

На страницу:

Перейти

2 из 3