The Cedar River Cowboys

She chuckled. “I’m sure you’ll do just fine. And it was my pleasure to spend time with them,” she assured him. “I think of it as good practice for when I have kids of my own one day.”

His gaze narrowed. “So, you want children? I thought you might have started a family while you were married.”

A familiar pain lodged behind her ribs. “Simon didn’t want children. Just as well, really, considering the divorce.”

“That’s a shame for him. It might have made him a better man.”

“Nothing would have done that.”

Grady’s brows came up. “Really? You know, you never did say why you broke up.”

Marissa shrugged. It was an old hurt she had no intention of sharing. “Irreconcilable differences.”

“Because he was a pretentious jerk, you mean?”

Marissa laughed. “Something like that. I wasn’t aware he’d made such a bad impression.”

“Sure you were,” Grady flipped back. “He called the town Hicksville and me John Wayne, remember?”

She laughed again. She did remember. Simon had complained the entire duration of their trip. He’d refused the invitation to stay at the ranch or Aunt Violet’s and then had complained about the modest motel accommodation in town.

“I’m sure he would have been better tempered if the O’Sullivan Hotel hadn’t been booked up that weekend. We had to stay at the Cedar Motel instead. It wasn’t so bad, but he complained for three days straight.”

“It wasn’t booked up,” Grady said and grinned. “Liz made that up just to antagonize him.”

Marissa laughed again. “Bless her. It worked.” She rattled her keys. “Well, I should get going. Thanks again for letting me spend the day with the girls. I hope they’re not too hyped up to sleep tonight.”

“I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

She was about to say goodbye when someone approached from around the side of the house. Marissa recognized Grady’s foreman, Rex Travers, and nodded when he came toward them.

“Afternoon, miss,” he said politely. “Boss says you’ve got some palings that need fixing.” He removed his hat and tilted his shaggy blond head with a kind of old-fashioned cowboy respect. “I thought I’d come around Monday morning, if that’s okay with you.”

Marissa smiled. “Of course. I’ll see you then.”

“Around nine, if that suits.”

“Sure,” she said and smiled at the older man. He was in his midfifties and had a kind, weathered sort of look about him. He’d worked at the ranch for about six years and by all accounts was a good man with a solid work ethic. She knew Grady wouldn’t tolerate anything else from the people who worked on the ranch. He said something to Grady about one of the cows and then ambled back toward the stables.

Marissa sighed. “Well, I’ll be off.”

He nodded. “Okay. Thanks again.”

“No problem.”

She was just about to open the driver’s door when he spoke again.

“If you want to learn to ride a horse, I’d be happy to teach you.”

She stilled. “Oh...sure. That would be great.”

“Get some boots and a safety helmet from the saddlers in town. It’s on the main street a few doors down from the old Loose Moose Tavern.”

“I know where it is,” she said. “And I saw the tavern today, or what’s left of it.”

He nodded. “Yeah, my crazy brother is thinking of buying the place and renovating it.”

“That would certainly give the O’Sullivans something to complain about,” she said and got into her car. Waving goodbye, she pulled away from the house.

As she drove off, she noticed he didn’t move. He watched her, the colored backpacks still flung over one shoulder, his expression unflinching. And she didn’t relax again until she pulled the car into Aunt Violet’s narrow driveway. It was only a five-minute commute between the two homes, and from the corner paddock she knew it was possible to see the roofline of Grady’s sprawling house.

She locked the car and walked around the cottage. There was a garden maintenance service in town and she made a mental note to call them on Monday to arrange for their help getting the yard back into shape. She’d talked to her aunt, and it looked as if it would still be at least three weeks before she’d be able to come home, if she came home at all. Aunt Violet had mentioned something this afternoon about moving closer to town, perhaps into one of the new retirement communities that had popped up near the hospital. If it meant selling the farm, then Marissa would certainly consider buying it. The cottage would look beautiful once again with some time and effort, and her aunt had suggested she think about doing something with the greenhouses Violet’s older brother, Frank, had built years earlier. Marissa had no memory of him but knew the place had been an organic farm once, so perhaps there was something she could do along those lines. Before she made any decisions she’d do some homework about the local economy and market.

Once she was inside, Marissa stripped off her clothes and took a long shower, then slipped into sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt and made herself a cup of tea. By the time she’d finished puttering in the kitchen, it was past seven-thirty and she was about to settle in front of the television for an hour or so when her cell rang.

Grady.

She snatched up the phone and answered on the fourth ring.

“Hi,” she whispered, a little more breathless than she liked. “Is everything all right?”

“Fine,” he said, then stayed silent for a few seconds. She could hear Breanna and Milly chattering in the background and it made her smile. “Uh...the reason I’m calling is that the girls were wondering...well, they wanted to know if you’d like to...if you’d like to come over.”

“Now?” Marissa asked quickly.

“No! No...tomorrow. Tomorrow night. For dinner.”

Dinner with Grady and his daughters? He sounded as if he was swallowing poison along with the invitation. She took a steadying breath. “The girls want me to come over for dinner?”

“Yes...exactly.”

“And is that what you want?”

Silence stretched down the phone line. “Uh...sure.”

She’d bet the new boots she needed to buy that he didn’t. “What time?”

“Six.”

“I’ll be there,” she said, then disconnected the call.

Dinner with the girls—great. Dinner with Grady—she didn’t want to think that it made her uneasy. Because that meant digging deep...and the less she did that, the better.

For his sake. And hers.

Chapter Three

There wasn’t anything he could say to himself that would convince Grady that having Marissa over for dinner was in any shape or form a sensible idea. But the girls had begged him to invite her and he couldn’t refuse them. They rarely asked for anything, particularly Breanna, who he knew missed her mother deeply. So if it meant being around Marissa for a few hours every now and then, he was happy to do it.

Sunday afternoon came around way too quickly, and by the time the girls were bathed and dressed and waiting patiently for her to arrive, it was past five o’clock. They could barely contain their excitement at seeing Marissa again.

She pulled up in the driveway at precisely three minutes to six, and as soon as she walked through the door his daughters bounced around, twirling and laughing, showing off their now-chipped nail polish. Once again he marveled at how easily and completely she captured their attention. Since their mom died, no one else could reach them the way Marissa did. She had a certain kind of magic when it came to his daughters. Even Liz had known it. But he was pretty sure Marissa had no idea how much she meant to his family.

“Hi,” she said when he greeted her in the hall.

“Hi yourself,” he replied and stepped aside to give her room to pass. “We’re eating out on the back veranda tonight,” he explained. “The girls have already set the table,” he said and winked slightly. “To celebrate your homecoming.”

“Don’t tell her that, Daddy,” Breanna said and tugged at his shirt. “It’s a surprise.”

She laughed. “A surprise? I look forward to seeing it.”

Grady grinned. “Don’t say you weren’t warned.”

Tina grabbed his leg and begged to be held, and before he could pick her up Marissa held out her arms. “I’ve got her,” she said and lifted her up. “I don’t want to interrupt the cook,” she said and pointed to the bright pink apron he had around his waist.

“Are you laughing at me?” he asked good-humoredly.

“If you want to walk around in that getup, you need to deal with the consequences.”

“True enough,” he said and plucked at the pink and silver sequins on the small apron tucked into his jeans. “But in case you were wondering, it actually belongs to Breanna and she insisted I borrow it while I cook on the grill.”

Marissa raised a skeptical brow. “And it’s not emasculating in anyway whatsoever.”

“Gee...thanks.”

She laughed again and the sound hit him directly in the solar plexus. She looked lovely in a knee-length soft denim dress and silver sandals. Her hair was down, flowing over her shoulders and down her back, and he remembered how he’d touched some strands the day before. He had no idea why he’d done it. He never overstepped the bounds of their often fraught relationship. She was Liz’s friend. Not his. And he didn’t think about Marissa like that. He’d dismissed all those thoughts long ago, when he’d started dating Liz and fallen in love with her. But for some reason, one he couldn’t fathom, right in that moment, with her beautiful hair flowing and her cheeks bright with color while she held his child as if she was a precious gift, Grady was thinking about it. And attraction, white-hot and completely unexpected, coursed through his blood with the speed of a freight train.

No! It can’t be!

But he couldn’t deny it. Couldn’t do anything but let it wash over him and settle behind his ribs. He wasn’t sure what to do with it. What to make of it. Or if he should or could do anything.

It will pass...

Of course it would. It was a fleeting fancy. Simply a matter of geography. Marissa was beautiful and familiar and suddenly near. Of course he would notice her. It didn’t mean a solitary thing. And it didn’t mean he’d be prepared to do something about it. If she knew what he was thinking, she’d probably get all outraged and call him a bunch of well-deserved names.

If and when he started dating again, it certainly wouldn’t be with Marissa Ellis. They had too much history between them. They had Liz...and he wouldn’t dishonor the memory of his beloved wife like that. Even if Liz gave the whole idea her blessing, which knowing Liz, she probably would have. The last thing she’d told him before she passed away was to be happy, to make another life, to not be alone. But he wasn’t ready. Not just yet. And when he was, he’d find someone who didn’t have a window into his past. Marissa was not for him. She might wield magic with his daughters, but he wasn’t about to turn that into anything else. Anything more.

“Are you okay?”

Marissa’s soft voice jerked him into the moment. “Sure...” he said and waved a vague hand. “Let’s go out to the patio.”

She followed him outside, Tina still locked in her arms. Grady watched her expression change to one of pure delight when she saw what Breanna and Milly had done to the long table. Dolls and colorful toys decorated some of the chairs. Bunting made from colored paper was stretched between the porch beams, and the table was decorated with glitter and colored glass ornaments.

“Oh...wow,” Marissa said as she walked out onto the patio. “This is amazing.” She looked at Breanna and Milly. “Did you do this for me?”

“Yes,” Milly said excitedly and twirled a little. “We did it today. Daddy helped, too.”

Marissa sighed and adjusted Tina on her hip. “Well, I have to say, this is just about the best decorated table I’ve ever seen. You’ve made me feel very special.”

“You are special,” Breanna said adamantly and grabbed Marissa’s hand. “You’re Mommy’s best friend. So you’re our best friend, too.”

Grady fought back the lump in his throat. Of course. It made perfect sense. Through Marissa, his daughters stayed connected to their mother. They still felt as though they had her in their lives. Sadness lodged in his chest, sitting there like a heavy weight.

Marissa met his gaze and he knew immediately that she knew what he was thinking. Because she was thinking it, too. Her eyes shimmered a little, as if she was trying to hold her emotions at bay. He’d seen her cry once before—the day Liz had died. She’d gone into his wife’s hospital room for a few minutes and emerged stoic and breathing deeply, until she’d made her way into the corridor. That’s when she broke down. Grady was coming from speaking with the doctor and had watched her for a moment. He hadn’t offered any comfort, because he didn’t have any to offer. There were no words. His wife was dying and he had children he had to prepare to lose their mommy. But he’d felt Marissa’s despair in that moment, right to the core of his being. At Liz’s funeral she’d held it together, as he had. She’d given the eulogy and spoken about her love and admiration for her best friend. During that day, through his grief and sense of loss, he’d appreciated how she’d kept everything running smoothly—the wake, the funeral, even putting the girls to bed with a story.

Later, after everyone had left and his daughters were finally asleep, she’d made coffee and sat at the kitchen table. He’d joined her there, sitting opposite, sipping coffee he didn’t want, wondering how he was supposed to go on, but knowing he had to for the sake of his children. In that moment, Marissa had shared his anguish as no one else could. She’d gripped his hand from across the table and held on and told him everything would be okay. And he’d believed her, trusted her, absorbed her words as if they were tonic. He owed her a lot for her strength that day.

Grady gathered his thoughts and ushered the girls away from her a little. “How about you give Marissa some space so she can relax.”

“But, Daddy, I want—”

“No buts,” he said to Breanna. “I’m going to cook dinner, so why don’t you go and get that pitcher of lemonade from the refrigerator, okay?”

His daughter looked serious, but happy to do the chore, and took Milly with her.

Grady looked at Marissa. “You okay?”

She nodded and held the baby close before she placed Tina down so his youngest could play with the dolls strewn across the play mat. “Fine. Only...only I...”

“I know,” he said when her voice trailed off. “They just about break your heart.”

She nodded and sucked in a deep breath. “They miss her so much, Grady. I don’t think I realized how much until this very minute. I’m in awe of how well you’ve managed these past couple of years.”

He shrugged and moved toward the grill. “I’ve had help. My mom has been great and my cousin Brooke helps out with the girls when she can. And my best friend, Tanner, was always on hand right after Liz died.”

She shook her head ruefully. “And I went back to New York.”

“You did what you had to do,” he said and placed the steaks on the grill. “Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

“I should have helped more. I promised Liz I’d—”

“You had your own life, Marissa. We all did. And Liz didn’t expect you to hang around town. The girls are my responsibility, not yours or anyone else’s.”

Her expression sharpened. “Is that meant to put me in my place?”

Grady felt irritation weave down his spine. He always seemed to say things she took the wrong way. “It’s meant to let you off the hook.”

* * *

Maybe he did have the right intentions. And maybe he did have a point. But Marissa was still annoyed by the arrogance of his words. As if he knew what was best for her. The inference wasn’t missed.

You should have stayed in New York...

“If you’d rather I didn’t spend time with the kids, then just say so.”

He put down the tray in his hand and turned. “You’re here, aren’t you?”

Marissa glanced toward Tina to ensure the child hadn’t picked up on the sudden strain between them and then she glared at Grady. “I’m here because Breanna and Milly want me here. I’m not under any illusions, Grady. I’m sure you don’t want me one little bit.”

His expression changed instantly and his eyes widened. How long had it been since she’d noticed how brilliantly blue his eyes were? Years, maybe. Over a decade. But now they devoured her with their intensity. Her breath caught in her throat and she swallowed hard. There was something hypnotic about his stare, as if she was being drawn deeper and deeper into it, into him. Marissa tried to look away but couldn’t. He knew it, too. She was certain of it.

“Wanting you,” he said, saying the words so slowly it was excruciating, “isn’t the issue.”

Marissa quickly realized how her words must have sounded to him. Intimate. Provocative. You don’t want me...

“I meant that you obviously don’t want me here.”

“I don’t?” he shot back. “Is that right?”

Breanna and Milly emerged through the wide doors at that moment and anything else he intended saying was clearly put on hold for the moment. Marissa plastered on a smile and chatted and played while Grady grilled steaks. Once he was done, they all sat down and Marissa watched as he put together a small plate of food for Tina and set her in a booster seat and got Breanna and Milly organized with their own plates. He was an exceptional dad. Caring and loving and exactly what she’d envisioned a father should be. She had nothing to test it against, no memory of a father or grandfather to make comparisons. But she could only think that if she ever had a child of her own one day, she’d like to share that child with a man who put his children above all others...a man who would protect his family with his last breath. A man like...Grady.

Whoa!

Marissa swallowed hard and pushed the notion from her mind. She had to. She had to forget that thought and never let it enter her head again. Because it was crazy thinking. Maybe she would get married again one day and hopefully have a child of her own...but it wouldn’t be the man now seated opposite her. He was as off-limits as anyone would ever be. No matter how good a dad he was, or how sparkling his eyes were.

“Everything all right, Marissa?” he asked, watching her. “Steak okay?”

She nodded and dished some salad onto her plate. “Looks great. Just how I like it.”

His mouth creased fractionally. “Well, I aim to please.”

He didn’t. They both knew that. There was nothing about their relationship that suggested either of them genuinely compromised when it came to one another. He would have been happier cooking her the rarest steak of the century and then telling her to deal with it. But he didn’t. Instead, he pretended interest in his food and chatted to his daughters. But Marissa wasn’t fooled. There was an undercurrent of tension whispering on the air between them, and she knew he felt it as much as she did.

Once they’d finished eating, the girls lingered over their plates and played with a couple of the dolls that decorated the table. At seven, Grady excused himself to put Tina to bed, and by the time he returned Marissa had cleared the table and was stacking the dishwasher. Breanna and Milly helped and she marveled at how easy the whole scene was—as though she’d done it a thousand times before. In that moment she felt a profound sense of loss for her best friend and said a silent prayer to Liz for allowing her to spend time with her precious daughters. Of course, it was Grady’s doing really, but the gratitude she experienced deep through to her bones made her uncomfortable. She still couldn’t bring herself to acknowledge it to him.

When Grady came back into the kitchen, he told the girls to kiss Marissa good-night and then to hightail it to their bedroom with the promise of a story before they went to sleep.

“You’ve cleaned up?” he remarked once the girls skipped from the room.

Marissa shrugged. “Seemed like the least I could do, since you cooked.”

She noticed the pink apron was gone but there was glitter on his shirt and jeans. As she looked him over, a strange sensation hit the pit of her stomach. She couldn’t define the feeling. It wasn’t simply a reaction to his good looks. After all, she’d known good-looking men before. He ex-husband had been as handsome as anything. But Grady was different. He was confident but not cocky. He was also immensely likable even though it always seemed as though they were at odds with one another. Back in high school they’d been friendly, but not friends. She’d always been a little on edge around him, always conscious of the awareness that thrummed through her whenever he was near. Once he’d started dating Liz, though, she pushed those feelings aside, never willing to admit that her heart had broken just a little. But she’d loved Liz and would never had said or done anything that might have hurt her best friend. And she’d gotten over her harmless crush.

Or so she thought...

Because in that moment, he looked so good in low-riding jeans and a navy polo shirt, Marissa was forced to admit that she did find him attractive. Very much so.

“Coffee?” she asked, aware that it sounded more like a squeak than a question.

“Sure,” he said and came around the kitchen counter. “But I’ll make it. Do you want to read the girls a story before they go to sleep?”

Her eyes widened. “Really? I’d love to.”

He nodded. “Go ahead.”

She disappeared quickly—anything to get away from him in that moment. The kitchen had suddenly grown smaller, the air thicker. Panic set alight across her skin and she lingered in the bedroom with the girls, determined to get her foolish thoughts from her mind. She read them a story about castles and princesses and tucked them in tightly when she was done.

When she returned to the kitchen, he was sitting at the big round table, coffee mug between his hands, and he looked up when she entered. “Are they asleep?”

“Dozing,” she replied. “I said you’d be in a little later to say good-night.” Marissa took a breath and straightened her back. “Well, I guess I should probably get going. It’s a school night and—”

“Not for me,” he said and raised a brow and motioned to the other mug on the table. “Or you.”

She nodded slowly and sat down. The room was quiet, except for a clock ticking methodically on the wall and the infrequent sound of insects outside. It was a simple moment that suddenly seemed as complicated as anything ever had in her life. And she didn’t know why. She wasn’t sure what the intense tension between them was all about. In the past she’d been able to ignore it. But not now.

“Grady, I—”

“Why’d you get divorced?”

It wasn’t a question she’d been expecting. Grady had never asked her personal questions, not in all the years they’d known one another. Liz had been her confidante. Her friend. In some ways very much her soul mate. It was a friendship she deeply missed.

“He was...unfaithful.”

There. It was out. For the first time. Without Liz to confide in, Marissa had felt very much alone since she’d discovered Simon had been with another woman. With several, in fact, pretty much from the onset of their marriage. Saying the words felt good.

Grady raised his mug and stared at her over the rim. “Unworthy bastard.”

Emotion clogged her throat. “Yes...that’s a good way of putting it.”

“You’re well rid of him, then?”

She nodded. “I guess I am.”

His gaze narrowed. “Do you still love him?”

“No.”

He looked surprised by her quick response. “Do you miss being married?”

It was another question she hadn’t expected. “Sometimes,” she admitted and took a sip from the mug in her hands. “I miss having someone to talk to. I miss...intimacy.”

“Sex?”

Marissa let out a brittle laugh to hide the discomfort climbing across her skin. “Now, that’s a typically male response to the idea of intimacy.”