The Summer Of Sunshine And Margot

She sighed. It wasn’t Declan, she reminded herself. He simply represented everything she didn’t have. Roots. Direction. A plan. Her twenties had raced by in a series of relationships that left her with exactly nothing to show for the time except for a string of bad decisions and broken hearts. Some of those hearts had even been hers.

But that was all behind her now. She’d had a come-to-Jesus moment, she was focused and she had a life plan. And nothing and no one was going to cause her to veer off course. Of that she was sure.

Declan Dubois hadn’t had sex in a year. Until a few weeks ago he, honest to God, hadn’t cared, but recently he’d started to notice and now he cared a lot and it was becoming a problem.

The dry spell had started when he and Iris had been having trouble—if that was what it could be called. Not knowing if their marriage was going to survive or not, he’d taken to sleeping on the sofa in his study. Later, she’d been sick and sex had been the last thing on either of their minds. After her death, he’d been in shock and dealing with the reality of having the woman he’d assumed he would spend the rest of his life with gone. There’d been Connor and helping him handle the loss of his mother. Sex hadn’t been important.

But it sure as hell was now, although he had no idea what he was supposed to do about it. Dating seemed impossible and a few minutes in the shower only got a guy so far. At some point he wanted a woman in his bed, and not just a one-night stand, either. He’d never been that guy. He didn’t need love to get it up but some kind of emotional interest was preferred. He hadn’t been on a first date in ten years—how was he supposed to start now? Where would he meet women? Not through work—that never went well. Online?

He walked the short distance from Connor’s room to his study and told himself he would deal with the problem later. Now that his son was asleep, his more pressing issue was to get to know the woman he’d hired to take care of his kid. Somehow three weeks had sped by. If he wasn’t careful, he would turn around and Connor would be graduating from high school and he still wouldn’t know anything about Sunshine.

He sat at his desk and opened the file the agency had given him when he’d first interviewed her. She’d been the fifth nanny he’d hired and he’d been desperate to find someone his son would like. Iris’s death had been a shock. It had been less than a month from the time he’d found out about the cancer until she’d passed away. There’d been no time to prepare, to be braced, and he was an adult. Connor had a lot less skill to handle the impossibly heartbreaking situation. If Declan’s parents hadn’t come and stayed with them after the funeral, he wasn’t sure either of them would have survived.

He scanned the file. Sunshine was thirty-one. She’d been a nanny on and off from the age of twenty. She had no formal training, no education past high school and a history of walking away from jobs before her contract was finished. He hadn’t wanted to hire her, but he’d been desperate and the agency had insisted he at least talk to her. After blowing through four of their best nannies, he’d realized he couldn’t refuse, so he’d reluctantly met her.

He didn’t remember anything they’d discussed except to insist she and Connor spend a trial afternoon together, supervised by someone from the agency. Connor had come home and announced he liked her and Declan had hired her that evening.

The past three weeks had been a whirlwind of work and travel. He’d wanted to spend more time at home, getting to know her, watching her with Connor, but fate had conspired against him. Still, his son seemed happier than he had in a long time and he sure liked Sunshine.

A knock on his open door brought him back to the present. Sunshine stood in the doorway, her smile tentative.

“Is this a good time?”

He nodded and motioned to the chair on the other side of his desk. Sunshine sat down, then tucked her bare feet under her.

She was nothing like Iris. The thought was unexpected but once formed he couldn’t ignore it. His late wife had been tall and willowy. Delicate, with small bones and long fingers. She’d been pale, with dark hair and dark eyes.

Sunshine was several inches shorter and a whole lot more curvy. Blonde with pale blue eyes. She had full cheeks, large breasts and an ass that... He silently told himself not to go there. Not only wasn’t it appropriate, she wasn’t his type. And again, not appropriate.

Iris favored tailored clothing in black or taupe. From the little he’d seen of Sunshine, she was a jeans and T-shirt kind of woman. She ate cereal out of the box, had no problem lying on the floor to play checkers with Connor and hadn’t protested an ant farm in the house. Again—not Iris.

Not that he wanted anyone to be Iris. His wife had been his first real love and with her gone, he would never be the same. He wasn’t thinking he couldn’t care about someone again, he had no idea about that, he just knew he didn’t want an Iris replacement.

“You and Connor get along well,” he said.

She smiled. Two simple words that in no way captured the transformation from reasonably pretty to stunning. Declan hoped he didn’t look as stupefied as he felt. After all, he’d seen her smile before. He should be used to it, and yet, he was not.

“He’s adorable. How could you not totally fall for him? He’s a serious kid, but also funny and kind. I know he misses his mom, but he’s dealing. We talk about her whenever he wants to. I know he’s going to therapy and I’m hoping it helps. Obviously the therapist doesn’t say anything to me, but I would say he’s coping well.”

Her appreciation of his kid relaxed him. “Connor’s special,” he said, then looked at the open folder on the desk and decided to be blunt. “I wasn’t sure if I should hire you.”

Instead of getting defensive, she laughed. “I could say the same thing about you. I was hoping to go to work for a high-powered single mom, but the director at the agency talked me into meeting Connor and then I was a goner.”

She pointed to the folder. “Is that about me?”

He nodded.

Her full mouth twisted. “Let me guess. The report says I’m terrific with kids. I like them and they like me. I show up on time, I cook, I help with homework, I’m a safe driver. When there’s an emergency, I’m nearly always available. But...” She looked at him. “There’s a very good chance one day I’ll simply disappear with almost no warning. I’m gone and you’re stuck.” She shrugged. “Does that about sum it up?”

Her honesty surprised him. Was it a tactic or genuine? He had no idea.

She sighed. “It’s true. All of it. I’ve walked away from at least a half dozen jobs. I would meet a guy and fall for him and he’d want me to go with him and I would. Just like that.”

“Go with him?”

The smile returned, although with less gut-hitting power. “I tend to fall for men who have unusual occupations or who don’t live wherever I am. A guy in a rock band, a travel photographer, a professional tennis player. One time the family I was working for took me with them to Napa. I met a guy who owned a restaurant and when the family went home, I stayed. On the bright side, he taught me how to cook.”

She looked away. “I was young and reckless and I don’t want do that anymore.” Her gaze returned to him. “I won’t bore you with the details. Let’s just say I woke up alone in a hotel room in London with no job, no boyfriend, no prospects. I flew home and moved in with my sister, then got a couple of jobs because hey, the nanny thing wasn’t working for me or the kids.”

He wasn’t sure what he’d expected to hear, but it wasn’t this. “So why are you back being a nanny now?”

“I’m good at it and I need the money. I want to do something with my life. Get an education, have a retirement account, be normal. Working as a nanny allows me to pay for school, have time to study and not have to worry about rent. I want to keep my head down and be smart. No more loser guys. I don’t want to be that girl anymore.”

The smile returned, leaving him just as speechless as before.

“More than you wanted to know,” she said. “I’m being honest. You have no reason to believe any of this. You don’t know me, which is kind of the point of the conversation, right? But I’m committed to Connor. I’m not going to walk away from him.”

“Because you’re not that girl anymore?”

“That’s the reason.”

It was too much information and he didn’t know what to do with it all. She was right—he had no reason to believe her, and yet he did. Was that dumb on his part or intuition? He had no idea.

“Is that also why you wanted to work for a woman?”

She nodded. “I’ve had a couple of dads get handsy. It’s awkward.”

“I assure you I would never—”

She shook her head. “I know. You don’t have to say anything.”

She knew? How? And what did that mean? Had he become so incredibly sexless that...that... Dear God, he couldn’t even formulate the question, let alone answer it.

She laughed. “You look confused. What I meant is you seem to be an honorable person. I appreciate that.”

“Good,” he said, not sure if it was good or not. Time to change the subject. “About your hours. Are they working for you?”

“They’re perfect.”

She was supposed to be available from 6:30 a.m. until 9:00 p.m. with the middle of the day off, five days a week. She also owed him every other Saturday and cooked dinner four nights a week.

“I’m sorry you had to work Sunday when I was on my business trip.”

“Not a problem. You and Connor were gone the previous weekend, so I had that Saturday. Declan, I’m not keeping track of every single minute. If Connor gets up early or stays up late, that’s okay. A lot of my job is being flexible.”

“Thank you.”

He confirmed she knew where all the local stores were, then pulled a credit card out of his desk drawer.

“I ordered this for you,” he said. “It will be easier than giving me receipts and having me reimburse you.” He smiled. “Don’t go to Tahiti on it.”

“Oh darn. And Connor and I were talking about taking a road trip just yesterday.” She took the card. “He seems to be outgrowing some of his pants and his athletic shoes are looking really bad. Do you want me to take him shopping or is that something you prefer to do?”

“You can do it. For the next couple of weeks, I’m going to be knee-deep in the preconstruction planning for the hotel. Once that calms down, I’ll have more time.”

“Okay. Then I’ll get what he needs right now and you can handle the rest. Anything else?”

His gaze moved from her mouth to her—He swore silently, telling himself being a jerk wasn’t allowed. He had to get a grip or, at the very least, get laid. Assuming he remembered how all that happened. He assumed it was like riding a bike—once he and the lady in question were naked, he would know what to do.

“Declan?”

He blinked. “Ah, that will be all.”

She stood and slid the credit card into her back pocket. “Have a good night.”

“You, too.”

He wasn’t sure how good it was going to be but there was a better than even chance he would be taking a shower in a bit. A long one. After he would lie alone in bed both cursing and missing the woman he’d been married to. The one who had betrayed him, then up and died before he could decide if he had forgiven her or not.

Chapter Three

Sunday morning, just before eleven, Sunshine walked into the restaurant. She’d curled her hair, put on makeup and had even worn a dress. Not that she was trying to impress—she was meeting her sister, not anyone who would judge her. Instead, her reasons were more about self-preservation. Whatever Margot showed up wearing, she would be gorgeous and while Sunshine knew she couldn’t compete on the beauty front, she didn’t want to be the cautionary tale. Or just the sexy one.

She gave her name to the hostess. There were at least a couple dozen people waiting for tables, mostly multigenerational families. Sunshine watched grandparents corral toddlers and new mothers fret over babies.

Most of the families looked happy, which she liked to see. Kids deserved to be raised in a home where things went right more often than they went wrong.

Margot walked in and spotted her. The sisters hugged. When they stepped back, Sunshine held in a sigh. Yup, her fraternal twin was stunning in a navy short-sleeved sheath dress. The woven material skimmed her body and fell just to her knee. The neck was high, the cut conservative. Nothing about the dress, the midheel navy pumps or her plain clutch screamed look at me, and still people did. Looked and gawked.

Sunshine knew she got her fair share of attention but it was for the wrong reasons. She was all boobs and butt with a little jiggle thrown in for good measure. Margot was the cover of Vogue while Sunshine was more like a billboard for a gentleman’s club. And people said God didn’t have a sense of humor.

Margot linked arms with her. “How are you? How’s work? Are you nervous about school starting tomorrow? Don’t be. You’ll do great. You’re smart and determined. I’m so proud of you. Look at how quickly you got your life together.”

“Together might be a slight overstatement,” Sunshine murmured as the hostess waved them over.

“Tables for two are easy today,” she said with a smile. “It’s tables for eight that are the problem. If you’ll follow me, please.”

They were shown to a small table tucked in by the window. After they were seated, Margot leaned toward her.

“You’re really okay?”

Sunshine smiled. “You take the older sister thing way too seriously. You only beat me into the world by eight minutes.”

“I can’t help it. You’re my family and I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Sunshine pulled a slim envelope out of her handbag and passed it over. “Proof that I’m perfectly fine. Installment one.”

Margot opened the envelope and wrinkled her nose. She pulled out the check. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“You loaned me the down payment for my car.”

When Sunshine had returned to Los Angeles four months earlier, she’d had zero money but surprisingly good credit. After getting a job as a waitress and a second gig as a clerk at a drugstore, she’d borrowed money from her sister and had managed to swing a car loan. Margot had insisted Sunshine get a couple of thousand into a savings account before paying her back. Thanks to her new nanny job, she was doing much better financially, and could finally start repaying her sister.

Margot sighed. “I didn’t want you to pay me back.”

“Sorry. That was the deal. I’m not a moocher.”

Margot grinned. “You make me crazy.”

“That’s part of the job description. I’m doing good. I love the kid and I start school tomorrow and this is right. I swear.”

“Well, if you swear.”

Their server appeared and told them about the specials, then took their drink orders.

“Champagne,” Margot said firmly.

When the glasses were delivered, Sunshine reached for hers. “To Francine, on her birthday. We love you and miss you and hope that in heaven you’re surrounded by beauty queens.”

Margot touched glasses with her. “To Francine. I know we’re not exactly what you were hoping for, but we love you and appreciate all you did for us.”

They each took a sip in honor of the great-grandmother who had raised them. She’d been gone over a decade, but Sunshine could still hear Francine’s voice in her head. Sit up straight. Don’t cross your legs at the knee. Think tall thoughts. Elegance is always the right choice.

“I was such a disappointment,” she said lightly, having long since accepted the inevitable truth.

“We both were,” Margot murmured. “At least you tried. I was a trembling, whimpering mess.”

“Don’t forget the projectile vomiting.”

“Always a pretty memory.”

They smiled at each other.

“How’s work?” Sunshine asked. “Weren’t you interviewing for a new client?”

“I was and I got it. Should be an interesting one. She’s a mass of contradictions. I have to live in, which I don’t usually love, but the house is great.”

Sunshine knew better than to ask too many questions. Margot was very discreet about her clients and never talked in specifics.

“Where will you be living?”

“I’m staying in Pasadena, so not far from you.”

“Nice. Let me know if you want me to check on your condo. You know my schedule is mostly flexible.”

“Thanks.”

The server returned and they placed their order. When he was gone, Margot picked up her champagne.

“So how’s your newest heartbreaker?”

Sunshine laughed. “Connor is totally adorable. He’s such a good kid. He’s still dealing with losing his mom, but he’s so brave. We’re going to be getting an ant farm.”

Margot shuddered. “Why?”

“He wants one. I think it’ll be fun. Do you know the people who sell them refer to the ants as animals? Connor was right there, so I couldn’t laugh, but jeez, really. Animals? So are they ant ranchers or something?”

Margot chuckled. “And the man of the house?”

“I’m still getting to know him. He seems like a good dad. He’s involved with Connor.”

“A nice change.”

“It is.”

Too many of the parents she’d worked for were not very engaged. They wanted a nanny for convenience and to pass on the responsibility of raising their children to. From what she could tell, Declan was a concerned parent.

“It must be so hard,” she said, fighting sadness. “To lose your spouse when you’re both so young. They would have expected to have a lifetime together and she’s gone.”

“Don’t,” her sister said, her voice kind. “You were going to say you want that, too.”

“Not the dying part. Just the rest of it. You know. Love. The forever kind.”

They looked at each other, then Margot slowly shook her head. “You know it’s not in our DNA.”

“It could be. I want it to be. At least Connor has something to mourn. I don’t. Just a dozen or so bad relationships that I knew were never going anywhere, yet there I was, running out on my life at the first sign of interest. Normal, sensible people don’t do that.”

“Is that what we’re going to be?”

“It’s a good goal. You’re halfway there.”

“Oh please.” Margot picked up her champagne. “I’ve spent the better part of five years being stuck because of a man and the last few years trying to avoid him. I spend so much time trying not to think about him, I can’t seem to think about anyone else. I’m great at my job and sucky at my personal life.”

“You’re not.”

“I am a little.”

Sunshine knew that was kind of true. “I want to be proud of myself,” she admitted. “I want to be a better person and fall in love with someone great. I want a future, not a fling.”

“The normal thing you love so much.”

“You mock normal, but you’d like it, too. You’re just afraid to try. You don’t think you’re capable of loving anyone but Dietrich.”

Margot winced. “While true, a little hedging wouldn’t be out of line.”

“Sorry. I’ll hedge next time.”

Margot thought for a second. “All right, I’ll say it. I want to put my past behind me and move on. I would like to find out if I’m capable of loving someone else. Someone who’s actually good for me.”

“Here’s to us being brave,” Sunshine said, raising her glass. “Or at the very least, not being rash.”

Margot laughed. “To avoiding rashes.”

After brunch, Sunshine ran a few errands before returning to the house. She wanted to spend a couple of hours looking over her incredibly huge math textbook. She’d flipped through the first few chapters twice and still wasn’t sure any part of it was written in English, but maybe this time it would all make sense.

She tried to tell herself that she was taking the class to learn and if she already understood the material, what was the point, but she wasn’t totally convinced. Shouldn’t she at least know something?

She parked her used Honda Civic next to Declan’s BMW SUV, then went inside. After changing into cropped pants and a T-shirt, she headed for the kitchen. She could hear Connor and Declan outside, playing. She filled two glasses with ice and water, and set them out on the counter. She was about to retreat to her room when Declan walked into the kitchen.

He grinned when he saw her. “You’re back. How was your brunch?”

He was casually dressed. His shoulders stretched the seams of his T-shirt and the fabric was soft looking and faded.

“Good. I met my sister. It’s my great-grandmother’s birthday. She died shortly after we graduated from high school but we always go out on her birthday. She would like that we remembered, then she would scold us, pointing out how much sugar was in champagne and that it would go straight to my thighs. Then she would tell me to sit up straight.”

His eyebrows drew together. “She sounds, ah, interesting.”

“She was a pistol, as they say. Until she retired well into her eighties, she ran her own business.” Sunshine made air quotes. “Mrs. Baxter’s School of Charm and Decorum. And no, I’m not kidding.”

“I don’t even know what that is.”

“My great-grandmother helped young women become beauty queens. She desperately wanted to train a Miss America, but the closest she got was a runner-up. We were her last hope, but it wasn’t going to happen. I was more than willing, but hardly beauty pageant material.”

Declan looked even more confused. “Why not?”

“Men,” she said with a grin. “I’m too short and way too curvy. Margot’s the beauty in the family. Tall, thin, gorgeous. But she couldn’t deal with the whole being on stage thing. She would either faint or barf. Not a winning strategy. When we were fourteen, Francine closed the school and we moved to Las Vegas.”

“My head is spinning,” Declan told her. “I had no idea you had such a checkered past.”

“There are surprising depths. Just let me know if you ever want to learn a three-point runway turn. I’m an expert.”

“Now you’re scaring me.”

Connor ran into the kitchen. “Da-ad! I’ve been waiting forever.” He turned. “Sunshine! You’re back.” He rushed to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “We’re playing outside. Come with us.”

“Connor, we’ve talked about this. It’s Sunshine’s day off. We need to leave her alone.”

Connor pushed up his glasses and nodded slowly as he stepped back. “Sorry, Sunshine.”

She knew the importance of keeping to a regular schedule, but it was tough when Connor had such a firm grip on her heartstrings.

She touched his cheek. “I have a couple of things I have to do, but what if I join you for dinner?” She glanced at Declan. “If that’s all right with you.”

Connor jumped up and down. “Yes! Yes! Dad’s barbecuing burgers, and say yes, Dad!”

Declan’s expression turned rueful. “It appears I’m no longer the favorite.”

“I’m new,” Sunshine told him. “And shiny. I’ll tarnish in time.”

“I’m not holding my breath.” He wrapped his arms around Connor. “Come on, you. We’re going back outside. Sunshine, you are welcome to join us for dinner.”

“Thanks. I will.”

She retreated to her room and stared at the massive textbook on her desk. Just carrying it was going to be a workout. But instead of sitting down and trying to make sense of the first chapter, she walked to the window where she could watch Declan and Connor. They sat on the grass, drinking the water she’d left out for them.

It was obvious how much they cared about each other. They were a family—still healing from an incredible loss, but connected all the same. She wanted that. Love and belonging, something real. Something more than being the flavor of the month. She was willing to change, to be different and try new things to make that happen. What she didn’t know was whether or not she could escape who she was and the Baxter women’s four generations of disasters in the love life department.

After brunch with her sister, Margot drove home and finished packing for her stay with Bianca. The job was for about two months, but Margot only packed enough for a couple of weeks. She could easily go back to her place whenever she needed to. Her condo was a fifteen-minute drive from the monastery.