Womb Bloom

Many people having lived side by side for many years do not even know each other. A couple came on one of our expeditions to Mexico and there they discovered things about each other which they hadn’t been able to discover during all their years spent together. Nature untouched by civilization and the holy mountains of Oaxaca Madre de Sur helped them finally to get to know each other and openly look into each other’s hearts.

***

There are unions in which partners feed and strengthen each other like wind and fire, and there are those for which the opposite is true – they suppress and weaken each other like fire and water.

What happened between my ex and I one day was the turning point in our relationship.

45 days had gone by since the start of my last period. My ex started panicking. He said that we urgently need to buy a pregnancy test. I asked him uneasily what the panic was for. He answered that the faster we find out, the faster we can get rid of the undesirable consequences. Everything inside me tightened up. Something collapsed. I felt how two halves in my stomach – Yin and Yang – which were getting ready to fuse inside me any moment now, split into two that very second. I used my willpower to split them apart because I was only open to a mutual decision. There was no fusion and my period started the next day.

I didn’t want my child to feel unwanted. I didn’t want my child to feel lack of love and negation from their parent already in the womb.

No trickery. Either all or nothing.

I knew that I would only conceive a child with a man who truly loved me, who would want children from me, who would be able to give me and the baby tons of love and care, who would be able to deal with the whims of pregnancy, who would melt my heart with boundless gentleness. And this would be mutual.

***

Do not allow anyone to destroy your woman’s essence – to be a mother, conceive, be loved… However hard it is psychologically, materially and emotionally sometimes it’s better to leave everything and just go. Don’t leave it for later; the more a woman lives with a man the more attached she becomes to him. But attachment is cured with time.

Diary entries

Voices came to life right in my empty room, which had not been visited by anyone for a long time. I pulled the covers around me abruptly; I couldn’t warm myself one little bit after sunny Mexico and it was a bit frightening to be conscious of the person I really was.

I had managed to escape from the memories of lost feelings, a lost fairytale for some time. But everything came back with double strength in Moscow, accompanied by the fresh force of cool autumn which I met in complete solitude. And only one thing made me happy; that I was no longer a falling leaf buffeted about by the wind but I was supported by the wind of my promises and oaths, which, if I had any worth, I would fulfill. I would be able to stop living for others at last and start living for myself.

To stop living for the sweet vampires who loved me so much, who were ready to drink me to the very bottom without even leaving a drop of blood for me. And not a trace of sympathy, compassion or gentleness in return.

It would all start with adventures, surprises, sex. Then a cold settling of accounts at the end, greed, jealously, scandals. The tension of a pulled bow string, the arrow pointing right at the heart ready to fly into it at any moment so lightly and easily, as if it were as mundane as washing one’s hands. To tear everything apart and burn all bridges as if we had never known each other. Maybe we hadn’t?

I’m a woman and it’s not easy for me to accept that he’s not there anymore …

“I love you!” So easy to say, so difficult to fulfill …

***

“People never change!” My mentor Juan liked saying this often, especially when I would run back to my ex in hope that he had changed. “This happens very rarely with those who really work on themselves or after serious crises. But this time there was no way back. And no matter how hard I tried to fix things, he had the last word. It was his decision to split up.

It felt as if I had been given news about a death. My heart shattered into a thousand pieces and was covered with a crust of ice. It felt as if there and then, an apocalypse had taken place inside me, and there was nothing left between us except for huge eyes of emptiness.

I would look emptiness right in the eyes because I had no one else to share my feelings with, and ask her: “Who will be able to melt my heart now? How can I now trust a man and love with my heart and soul?”

I had nearly lost all hope. I felt that I had fallen into an ice age where instead of covering the Earth, the ice had covered the hearts of people.

I even went to the Caribbean, but no tropical country could warm my heart until the Universe gave me a gift – life in my belly.

The more you live with a man, the stronger your connection and attachment to each other. And if people decide to split up, each person feels as if they are tearing away a part of themselves, cutting through the flesh. It’s very painful and unfortunately I had to go through this. After we split up I couldn’t forget him for a long time. He would visit me in my dreams every night the first few months after our split. I hoped that we would at least remain friends because we were connected by many things, not just our relationship, but even this didn’t come to be. I ended up leaving everything connected with him; all our friends, joint projects and business… I left the past in the past.

***

In this kind of situation you might ask yourselves:

“What should I do, how can I take away the pain? How can I accept the split? How can I replenish my energy stocks?”

I went on a long journey to holy places, monasteries and places of power in search for the answer. Mexico played an instrumental part in my journey.

Prayers helped me most of all. I would read then every day and night and with each prayer I felt my heart filling with light and thawing like a frozen flower, like a scorched prairie that is covered with grass again, and the tears I cried were like rain that waters the new shoots of faith and love.

Yes, it wasn’t easy for me to leave everything just like that. To be left with an abyss. But it was this abyss that filled me with meaning.

When I came to Mexico, the healers gave me the following instruction: “All that you should feel towards this person is sincere gratitude for travelling together for part of the journey on the train of life. He left on his station and you on yours…”

They gave me exercises to clean my energy and body from my connection and attachment to him and to free myself from the ghosts of the past which couldn’t leave my mind in peace. These techniques helped me get rid of dependence, accept the situation and reassume the feeling of lightness. I will describe some of them below.

Freeing yourself from foreign intentions

We women are constructed in a way that makes our centres open to the external world to such an extent that it can penetrate us directly, take possession of our heart, soul and consciousness and even force out OUR own World…

When I had my first ultrasound at week 6 of my pregnancy, I could finally see my female centre on the picture with the naked eye. I fell into a trance… How careful we have to be as women with and whom we allow into our lives. How careful we have to be to protect ourselves from conversations and contacts that don’t serve us well!

Sometimes we go into a relationship, then another one and another yet again, and every person in our life imparts us with their understanding of the world, sometimes forcing their own path and decisions on us. Yet each one of us has their own life purpose on this Earth and it’s important not to lose sight of it. To break out of the thousands of life purposes left in us by our parents, teachers, partners and step onto our own life’s purpose. To walk the path of the Heart and feel happiness from what WE do. How can we achieve this?

Everything begins with the practice of cleansing. A holistic cleanse. Only this can give us an understanding of our Heart’s path. There are many paths in the world. You can go North, South, West, East, up or down, but the most interesting of all is to go deep into your Heart.

Cleansing by water

We are 75% water. Water sees everything and remembers the information it meets on its journey. It also takes on the form of whatever it resides in. When you have sexual contact with a person you exchange fluids with each other i.e. information which each of you carry inside yourselves. This is especially pertinent for women.

Why do we feel a pull towards a man after sexual contact with him?…

This is a small part of a woman’s inner man which desires to connect with the whole – with him that is. Parts of the whole always strive to join together again.

If this is your beloved, your life partner, this connection is wonderful and will strengthen your union. Through it you can feel each other without words. Time and distance will cease to exist in your world.

At the start of my acquaintance with my beloved, an interesting event took place which became one of the key signs that allowed me to open up to this person after a long period of reclusion.

Diary entry

Friends! How quickly you leave me and find new friends; the only trace of me in your memories is like a bright reflection on crystal glass.

But I can’t forget or leave anyone; each of you are like diamonds in my memory.

All of you are my threads, my children, my dears. I feel honey-like viscous warmth towards you…

How do you do this? Tell me…

After breaking free from the past I was completely closed to a new relationship, sealed up like a caterpillar in a cocoon preparing to pupate and fly upwards on new wings. I didn’t want to waste myself any more on flippant relationships and I decided to wait for my one and only for as long as it took, as long as was necessary to cleanse myself completely.

That’s how I spent the whole of spring, then summer… And at the climax of autumn’s gold it felt as if I’d just leaped over from Mexico into Moscow’s Indian summer. I was like a hungry female wolf in the cold concrete forest of Moscow. Where had the palms, earth and nature gone? Was everything here really covered in asphalt? Would my feet not be able to sink into the hot sand on the ocean’s shore?…

My beloved and the hero of this book, Jonny, phoned me just as I was going up the escalator in metro Komsomolskaya to meet a corporate trainer for dinner. Jonny asked me: “Are you at Komsomolskaya? I don’t know why I came here. I felt that this is where you are.” I was unnerved. There was no way he could have known about my meeting. It was a completely spontaneous meeting; about an hour before Jonny’s call, the trainer had called and confirmed a place. I went out of the metro and met Jonny at the exit. He’d parked close by…

Let’s get back to the cleanse and find out what is at its core.

Start by preparing the water. Boil about a litre of water and then cool it to 37 – 38 degrees centigrade using this special technique. Place the jug of water on a windowsill or another place where moonlight can shine into it. This way, you will charge the water will lunar energy; the energy of wisdom and femininity. The ideal time to do this practice is during the full moon.

The next stage is to charge the water with your intent. Rub your palms together to make them warm and then hold them over the water 3 – 5 cm from the surface while formulating your intent with sharp precision e.g. “I intend to free myself from past ties (you can name the person or people here)”. Your intent will be put into the water’s structure.

Another way to charge water is to cup your hands together, raise the water to your mouth and talk your intent into the water. Next hold your palms over the water or place both hands around the jug. Your intent will be transferred through the warmth of your hands. You can add rose petals or any other flower petals you like to the water. I’ve also used quartz crystals from holy places to charge water. First I squeezed the crystals in my hands, transferring my intent to them and then I placed them in the water for 20 minutes.

When the water is ready pour it into a syringe. You might have to repeat the procedure a few times depending on the size of the syringe. Important note: you must use all of the water you have prepared. Place the end of the syringe into your vagina, and squeeze the water into it. Don’t forget to disinfect the syringe beforehand. While you are doing this, continue to say your intent in your head: “Water, water, cleanse me! Let everything I want to get rid of flow out with water”.

This procedure also has a practical side; it can be done the day after your period has finished. It helps clean your womb from remnants of blood, and the added rose petals will impart your ‘flower’ with a pleasant scent.

Partners’ readiness

I was free. This was a fresh gulp of air for me. Like a bird, I fluttered out of a cage riddled with misunderstandings.

I now had the chance to find my other half – the person who would accept me as I am, who wouldn’t try to refashion me, the person I would want to have a child with.

***

I am writing this book with all honesty and I don’t want to sweeten the things that you will go through over these 9 months. That’s why before going there, it’s better for you to become conscious of what you will encounter, one way or another.

Your whole life and all your relationships will change forever from that very minute. Things will not be as they were before but something that wasn’t there earlier will come into your life. And who comes depends on you…

It will be better for me to write what may await you during your pregnancy and after childbirth at the start of the book rather than at the end.

***

Before conceiving from a man, it’s important for a woman to understand what awaits her further down the line. Because for a man, however good a person he may seem at first glance, the birth of a baby is a serious test. It’s a test for both partners of course. But a woman is better adapted from the start; she is programmed by nature. She carries the baby 9 months under her heart and then breast feeds it. While she is pregnant she gets used to being with the baby 24 hours a day and feeling it inside her. The baby acts through her constantly. Its hunger is her hunger, its needs are her needs. And finally, when the baby comes into the world she is morally ready to interact with it.

Now and then a man sees his woman’s growing belly, and even when the baby is born, he can’t immediately grasp the meaning of: “Wow! I’ve become a father!” And not only become a father but taken on a new, huge responsibility which requires effort daily, hourly and on a minute-by-minute basis. A woman’s task here is not only to perceive all that is happening, but also to share this with her man. A new life has come to Earth, a life carrying his genes filled with his blood.

Unfortunately many fathers only understand this when their child is 5 – 10 years old. Sometimes realization comes too late. Many marriages collapse in particular after children are born. It’s too difficult… the man wants love, attention, and now there’s this little creature…

Hormones play with a woman’s body and can sorely test both partners’ nerves. During pregnancy a woman can become capricious, feel repulsion towards her partner, and heap a whole load of other surprises on the future father’s shoulders. What’s to be done? She’s pregnant and the only thing that remains for the man to do is to resign himself: “Ok, I’ll bear it for 9 months”. After birth the story doesn’t come to an end. The most interesting period begins… We’ll get to that a bit later on…

Conception

How can I explain conception? How can I find fitting words to describe the miracle that is bestowed on us? The Divine touch, a moment of Truth, Fusion of two different beings, a gift of Love. An almost inexplicable magic that takes place in our lives and changes them forever.

This is the main moment in a child’s life. It is this moment that defines the child’s future; whether she will be energetic, healthy, happy or…

Conception is like a code for a program. After the start button is pushed the program begins to be carried out and we will be mere observers of its realization. The smallest of details play a role here; how, when and with whom conception takes place affects the chain of events which will unfold.

The seed planted in soil, in the mother’s womb, will give birth to a particular type of plant. And the quality of the earth which receives the seed, the quality of the mother’s womb and her state of health influence how the seed will grow.

I often get asked why some people are full of energy from the day they are born, and others are not. Many answers are hidden in the sacred moment of conception. That's why it should be approached and prepared for consciously.

How to prepare for conception

For a long time I was taken up by the question of preparing for conception. I would often ask my mentors about it and also try to find the answers myself.

I can now say that the main secret is Love – sincere feelings from man and woman to each other. When there is love, both want a child. Their hearts are open and knowledge about what to do and how to do it comes by itself, flows through their bodies and fuses to birth new life.

There is no doubt about the fact that a woman needs to prepare for this moment. First and foremost, her body should be clean, healthy, filled with strength. The soil which will receive the seed should be bountiful. It should not be a wasteland made desolate by past ties, sucked dry by the weeds of someone else’s thoughts, energies and intentions.

Virginity is the ideal state for a woman to conceive in.

When a girl becomes a woman by losing her virginity, she receives new life inside herself.

Virginity is an immense gift for a woman. It is her power and much has been written about the topic in Vedic sources and other ancient texts. I will talk about this in detail in the chapter Woman’s gift.

But it is far from common for conception to take place when a man comes into a woman for the first time. And, unfortunately, for many women this does not always happen with their first partner. This is why, before a woman conceives, she must fully say goodbye to the past, let go of everything that should have been let go of a long time ago so that no loose ends are left trailing behind her, and clean her heart, mind and body from all that happened somewhere, sometime with someone…

She must go into conception as pure as is possible for her. Virgin in all senses of the word.

***

When the sacred moment of conception takes place, it’s very important to be conscious of it. Both partners need to put their maximum strength into it – their intent for the child to be born robust, healthy and strong. With your two energies interlaced to the rhythm of your heartbeats, a third creature comes to this Earth – a completely new life.

Here both are creators. And if one partner is not ready, persuasion is not the way to make them ready. If your chosen one does not want to or is not ready to become a father then it doesn’t pay to trick him into become pregnant from him. All the negative information will have an effect on the child, one way or another. Children feel distinctly whether they were desired or not. And a child can suffer from this their whole life.

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