Daddy's Little Memento

“Didn’t I tell you? DNA tests are done with swabs these days. No needles today.” Doug winked at Samantha, a totally uncalled-for gesture in Alex’s opinion.

He frowned. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Doug demanded Alex say ah. Conscious of her eyes on him, he complied. Doug swabbed the inside of Alex’s cheek twice. Doug then labeled two plastic vials and placed one of the swabs in each of the envelopes already holding Gabe’s samples.

Two envelopes, one Doug would send to a lab, the other for Samantha to have tested through her own sources. There would be no doubt of the results.

Finally. The ordeal was almost over.

He thanked the Lord, only to have Samantha drop twenty pounds of baby in his lap.

“Watch Gabe for a minute, will you? I have to use the rest room.” Samantha zipped out the door.

“Wait,” Alex protested uselessly. He held Gabe by the waist with his feet dangling below him. “She couldn’t hold it for a minute?”

Doug grinned from where he stood completing his instructions for the lab. “If you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go.”

Alex glared at his friend. “You’re just a laugh a minute today.”

“I call ’em as I see ’em.” Doug pulled up a stool and sat down across from Alex. “Cute kid. Looks a lot like you. He has your eyes and your chin.”

Alex turned Gabe this way and that, studying him. The baby liked this new game, kicking his feet and laughing. He reached out and grabbed Alex by the hair, shrieking with glee. “Man.”

“I don’t see the resemblance.” Alex carefully worked his hair free. Gabe giggled and kicked harder. “So he has blue eyes. All babies have blue eyes.”

“Not by this age.” The doctor denied Alex’s statement.

“Well it’s common, as is brown hair, lots of men have that coloring,” Alex said, suppressing a smile at Gabe’s antics.

“He has his mother’s nose.”

Alex arched a brow. “Samantha’s his aunt, not his mother.”

“I know, you told me,” Doug said. “He still has her nose, which means he got it from his mother. Genetics work that way.”

“You’re not helping.” Alex advised his grinning friend. He had to admit, though, that Gabe’s button nose reminded him of Samantha’s.

“Samantha’s a beautiful woman,” Doug commented with a little more interest in his tone than Alex cared for.

He sent the other man a warning glare. “Forget it.”

All innocence, Doug crossed his arms over his chest. “Why, because you saw her first?”

“Yes.” Not that Alex intended doing anything about his attraction, but the situation was way too complicated to add anyone else to the equation.

He lowered Gabe until the little boy’s feet rested on Alex’s thighs. Now instead of kicking, the baby bounced. “He’s a strong little guy.”

“He appears happy. And healthy,” the doctor observed, reaching out to pat the kid on the head.

Gabe turned to see who was patting his head and seeing Doug, his face scrunched up and he shied back against Alex.

“No,” Gabe said loud and clear. “Bad man.”

Alex laughed along with Doug.

“He doesn’t like you.” Alex ran a soothing hand over Gabe’s back. “I don’t blame you, kid. He’s the man who pokes and prods, huh?”

Alex could definitely relate. But when Gabe laid his head on Alex’s shoulder, he felt a sinking feeling in his gut. Better his gut than his heart. He didn’t want to have anything in common with the baby. Not blue eyes, brown hair or a fear of doctors.

The point of this visit, these tests, was to disprove Alex’s paternity. Then he’d have no more to do with Gabe. Or his pretty aunt Samantha.

Life would return to the peace and orderliness Alex craved, and he’d put this disturbing event behind him.

And hope for no more surprises.

Peace. That’s what he wanted. Wasn’t it?

Chapter Two

Samantha’s rubber soles made soft swishing sounds against the tile floor of the deserted high-school corridor. Alex had sent a note asking to see her after school let out.

Not, she suspected, as principal to school nurse but as Gabe’s father to Gabe’s aunt.

Butterflies beat a wild tattoo in her stomach, a sign of her heightened anxiety. In the two weeks since she told Alex about Gabe, they hadn’t been on the friendliest of terms. Waiting for the test results made them both tense.

Perhaps she should have told him about Gabe sooner.

In her defense, parenting didn’t come easily. Whoever said it did, lied. It certainly hadn’t the first time when she’d gained custody of Sarah. So far, this time was no different. Except she was older, thirty-one instead of nineteen.

And this time she hoped not to do it alone.

Pressing a hand against her stomach to tamp down the havoc caused by anticipation and nervousness, she tapped on Alex’s door.

“Come in,” he called in his deep velvet voice, the voice that made her hormones sit up and take notice.

She stepped inside and closed the door, bracing herself, because every time their eyes met a zing of awareness curled all the way down to her toes.

He sat behind a large desk, his dark head bent over a stack of papers. George Washington stared down from the wall. The American flag stood in the corner. Alex’s sleeves were rolled up and his tie loosened. The breadth of his shoulders filled the executive chair he sat in and his hair-dusted forearms bracketed the document he studied.

Even disheveled he took her breath.

Which made his inattention aggravating. He had asked for this meeting, the least he could do was attend it.

“Alex,” she prompted as she took a seat in one of the hardwood chairs facing him. “You wanted to see me?”

“Yes. I’m sorry, I just want to finish this.” He signed his name at the bottom of the paper then set it aside and looked up.

And zing, her toes curled in her white, rubber-soled shoes. She knew he felt the attraction, too. Desire blazed in his blue, blue eyes. A flash of hunger quickly banked.

Unfortunately, knowing changed nothing. Because acting on the attraction would be downright insane.

Darn it.

Scowling, he blinked away all signs of passion, then ran a hand over the back of his neck. The weariness in his gesture distracted Samantha. He usually seemed so vital, so in control.

Seeing him at less than his normal hundred-and-ten percent made her want to tend to him. Fighting the urge, she linked her fingers together. Best she keep her hands and nurturing instincts to herself.

Without meaning to, she heard herself ask, “Tough day?”

He shrugged, a frown drawing his eyebrows together. “No worse than usual.” He tossed his pen on the desk and leaned back in his chair. “Speculation about Gabe is starting to get around. I got a call from a member of the school board.”

“Oh.” Guilt assailed Samantha. What could she say? “Do you feel Gabe’s illegitimacy will reflect badly on you?”

She really hoped Alex would say no. But even with San Diego only thirty miles down the highway, Paradise Pines was a small town, with small-town values and small-town ethics. As principal, and the highest adult influence on their children, the citizens could be disturbed to learn Alex had an illegitimate child.

For the first time since she entered his office, he smiled. “Paradise Pines isn’t that provincial.” His expression turned rueful. “At least I don’t think it is.” He stood and came around the desk. “We’ll know soon enough. That’s why I called you in here, to tell you I received the results of the DNA tests.”

She caught her breath. “Really? My lab said four to six weeks for the results.” Mixed feelings made her heart pound. She believed her sister believed Alex was the father of her child. Heck, Samantha had based major decisions on that belief, but the test results were official. “So?”

“Gabe is my son.”

Her breath escaped in a rush of relief. Finally. Now they could move forward. Samantha tried to gauge Alex’s reaction, but his matter-of-fact manner gave her no clue to his true feelings.

Keeping his serious gaze on hers, he clasped his hands in front of him and leaned back against his desk. “You need to know, Samantha, that I’ve hired an attorney. I’m petitioning for custody.”

Shock rocked Samantha. She stared, trying to wrap her mind around what she’d heard. Alex couldn’t have said he meant to take Gabe away from her.

“No,” she protested, denying her worst fears. “You can’t have him.” Needing to hold on to something solid, she clutched the wooden arms of her chair. “Gabe belongs with me.”

“You’re upset.” He reached for her hand, but she pulled away from him.

She laughed harshly. “Of course I’m upset. Did you expect me to be happy to have you steal him from me?”

He arched a dark eyebrow in a silent reminder that his claim to Gabe was stronger than hers. “I expect you to want what’s best for him.”

“I do.” She congratulated herself on the restraint that kept her from slapping the arrogant look from his face. “I don’t believe taking him from the only family he’s ever known constitutes what’s best.”

“I’m not taking him from you,” he denied in exasperation.

“No?” she mocked him. “You’re seeking custody. What would you call it?”

He shifted his position against the desk, crossed his ankles and leaned back. “Gabe is my son, my responsibility.”

“I commend you on your sense of duty.” With her heart being torn in two, she couldn’t prevent the sarcasm. She crossed her arms over her breasts, more to contain the fresh wave of pain than out of defiance. “But you need more than duty to raise a baby. You need love and patience and understanding.”

He glanced around his office then back at her. “I’m aware of what it takes to raise a child.”

“There’s more to raising a child than education.” Feeling cornered, she stood and hugged herself as she paced. “Why didn’t you tell me about this sooner?”

“I didn’t have the test results. My attorney only filed the petition today.”

“But you knew what you were planning,” she accused, remembering with a sense of betrayal how pleased she’d been at his willingness to have the DNA tests done. Little had she known he’d use the results to undermine her position as Gabe’s guardian.

Her heart rose to her throat as she realized she had no legal claim to Gabe. His care had passed from her sister to Samantha by right of family taking care of family. Nobody had questioned her custody. Until now, when it might be too late to protect Gabe’s interests.

“You’re right.” Alex looked her straight in the eye, challenging her. “I should have told you of my intentions sooner. Just as you should have told me Gabe was my son earlier.”

Oh no, he wasn’t going to make her feel guilty.

She’d turned her life upside down to bring his son to him. Maybe Alex was right. Maybe the decision to wait hadn’t been fair. But she’d needed to know in her heart that introducing Gabe to Alex was not only right, but safe.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. She’d never dreamed he’d try to take Gabe from her. In her experience, men didn’t stay around to raise their own children. And she’d learned the hard way—when her fiancé left her rather than help with Sarah—that they didn’t care to take on the raising of other men’s kids, either.

Heaven knew she’d hoped Alex would take an interest in Gabe, but deep down she hadn’t really believed he would.

“You didn’t believe me when I did tell you.” She voiced her outrage. “You have no right to blame me for trying to protect Gabe. I gave up a job I’d had for five years and moved him to a new state so he could meet his father. Don’t tell me I haven’t done my part. It takes time to—”

Alex held up a hand. “All right. Calm down.”

“Do not patronize me.” Seething with temper, her breasts heaving with the force of restraining her anger, Samantha informed him, “I won’t let you take him from me.”

“It’s done. The papers have been filed.”

She clenched her teeth, bracing herself against the anxiety his words instilled. “I’ll fight you. My sister made it clear she wanted him raised by her family.”

His eyebrows lowered. “Your sister’s wishes don’t concern me. She had no right to use me for stud services then hide my son from me. I believe the courts will agree.”

“So that’s why you’re doing this,” she responded to his bitter claim. “To get back at my sister? And I suppose it doesn’t matter that Gabe will be hurt by your actions?”

“Gabe is my main concern. He needs a stable home.”

“He has a stable home.” Agitated, she paced to the bookcase then back. “He’s a good baby, but taking him from the family he’s become accustomed to will only upset and confuse him. Even traumatize him.”

“I’m his father. I am family,” he said, not unkindly. “He’s young, with the right structure and guidance he’ll adjust.”

Samantha cringed, his words like a dagger to her heart. “I love him,” she challenged Alex. “Can you say the same?”

Silent, he stared at her.

The shrill ring of the phone broke the tense moment. He frowned at the interruption. She watched his internal struggle, but in the end duty won. He rounded the desk and snatched up the receiver. “Sullivan.”

She headed for the door. Wanting to escape, to rethink and regroup. And to plan what to do next. Let him take his call. She was out of there.

“Samantha.”

The authority in his voice stopped her. Reluctantly, she half-turned, looking at him over her shoulder.

He stood with his hand over the mouthpiece, his expression resolute. “I haven’t been given the opportunity to love him. Isn’t that why you brought him to me?”

Stricken, she turned away. That’s exactly why she’d brought Gabe to him.

In the hall, she slumped against the wall, her heart in shreds as she thought of the hard man on the other side of the door. He threatened all the family she had left.

Gabe had someone fighting for him. But she feared she’d be the one to lose.

On Saturday Samantha secured the strap on Gabe’s car seat, dodging his busy fists to do so. She’d told him about Alex’s bid for custody, but of course he didn’t understand. He didn’t worry, as she did, that their time together might be limited. “I should just pack you up and run away with you. Then he couldn’t take you from me.”

“Ducky. Ducky,” Gabe said hopefully.

“That’s right.” Smiling at his one-track mind, Samantha chucked him under the chin. “We’re going to feed the duckies.”

He’d been cranky with teething pains today, and since the sunny afternoon had chased away the morning chill, she’d promised him a trip to the pond to distract him.

Thank goodness he didn’t understand. He deserved happiness and security. As long as he was with her, that’s what he’d get.

After handing him a cookie and making sure the bag of bread crumbs was out of his reach, she straightened from the back seat and closed the door. Turning, she practically stubbed her nose on Alex’s chest.

“Oh!” she exclaimed in surprise. Reacting to his nearness, she took a quick step back from the breadth of him, from the soap and male smell of him. And promptly found her fanny pressed up against the car.

Dread landed heavy in her stomach. Had he heard her thoughtless comment about running away?

“What are you doing here?” she asked with more bite than she’d intended.

“I came to see Gabe.” Alex tucked his hands in his pants pockets, taupe Dockers topped by a navy polo shirt, and stood his ground. His stance effectively blocked her path. “It looks like you have plans.”

Was he baiting her? Unwilling to play mouse to his cat, she addressed the issue directly. “I’m not going to run with him.”

He lifted a dark eyebrow, but he didn’t really look surprised. “I didn’t think you would.”

“But you heard me?”

“Yes,” he said, looking beyond her to where Gabe began to fidget in his car seat.

“You don’t sound too concerned,” she responded, wondering whether to be pleased or insulted by his lack of reaction. Did he trust her or consider her so minor a threat he needn’t worry?

He shrugged. “Unlike your sister, you have too much integrity to run.”

Did she? Or did she simply lack the courage? Apparently he had more faith in her than she had in herself. “You sound pretty sure of that.”

From less than a foot away, he looked her straight in the eyes. “You would never have brought him to my attention if you didn’t believe he needed me.”

She had no answer against the truth, a truth that had driven her to move more than four-hundred miles and landed her in this bind. Refusing to admit he’d touched a nerve, she moved sideways and opened the driver’s door, sliding behind the wheel.

“We’re going to Paradise Pond to feed the ducks. You can come if you want.”

“Fee’ ducky!” Gabe demanded from the back.

Alex rounded the front of the car and slid in next to her.

They traveled the few miles to their destination in silence. The walking trail surrounding Paradise Pond had been revamped when the sports center and a picnic area were built up near the south bank. Pushing Gabe’s stroller, Samantha led the way. A sandy beach allowed them to get right next to the water.

Lifting Gabe onto her hip, she pointed to the ducks paddling about twenty feet from shore. Reaching into her bag of bread crumbs, she tossed a handful into the water to lure the birds closer.

As the ducks drew near, Gabe wiggled and pushed against her. “Down.”

She set him on the ground, and he clutched her finger as he danced in glee. He grabbed a handful of bread crumbs and threw them to the ducks. Unfortunately, the crumbs traveled about two feet then fell to the shore.

Gabe’s lower lip began to tremble and tears welled in his big blue eyes.

“Poor baby, he’s teething.” She explained so Alex wouldn’t think Gabe was usually this moody. She reached to pick him up again.

“Let me.” Alex swept the boy up and deposited him on his shoulders. He handled Gabe with such ease and grace, she knew he’d done this before.

Startled by his new position in life, Gabe grabbed Alex’s hair in two chubby fists. Not even flinching, Alex stepped up to the lapping water and offered Gabe another handful of bread.

This time most of the crumbs landed in the water and the ducks swam closer to feed. Delighted, Gabe proceeded to feed the ducks.

Samantha swallowed hard, the sight of father and son together both a pleasure and a pain. This was what she wanted for Gabe, a father who spent time with him. Over the past few months, she’d seen how close the extended Sullivan family was; brothers, cousins and grandmother supported each other without question.

Unconditional love, it was what Samantha desperately wanted for Gabe. But why did it have to be at the cost of her relationship with him?

It wasn’t the time or the place, but Samantha had to know. “Would you consider shared custody?”

Alex whipped around to frown at her then he winced as Gabe pulled his hair. Reaching up to ease the boy’s grip, Alex was struck by the vulnerability she couldn’t hide. He went completely still.

Her creamy-white skin looked bruised under green eyes shadowed by worry. She’d lost weight, too. Her jeans and white cotton sweater clinging to her curves a little less faithfully than the day she’d come to his home.

She looked as if the mountain breeze could lift her up and carry her over the small pond. He wanted nothing more than to hold her and keep her safe, but he couldn’t allow sympathy or temptation to sway his better judgment.

He didn’t want to hurt her, but he couldn’t honor her request. Visitations, yes, but not shared custody.

When he looked back on the years after his parents died, the only thing holding him together while he struggled to help with his brothers had been knowing who he was and where he belonged. Gram worked hard to give his brothers and him that sense of continuity and belonging. No way he could look her in the face and do less for his son.

He hadn’t planned on this child, but now that he knew of him, Alex meant to do everything in his power to provide the best home possible for him.

Alex wouldn’t put his son through the displacement that came from splitting a child between shared households.

“I’m sorry, but no.”

Defeat momentarily showed in the slumping of her shoulders as she turned away, shielding her disappointment from him. His fingers flexed around Gabe’s ankle with the urge to reach out to her. Alex regretted causing her distress, but not even for her would he compromise his beliefs.

Somewhat desperately, she pleaded. “At least tell me you’ll get him a dog. To play with and keep him company. I was going to get him a puppy for his birthday.”

She probably thought it was a small thing to ask. For him it wasn’t small at all. He’d taken on all he could handle for now. “I need peace at the end of the day. Dogs are loud and messy.”

“No dog?”

“No dog.”

He saw her hands clench into fists and she led with her chin when she swung back to him.

“Why are you doing this? You don’t even want children. Everyone knows your marriage ended because your wife wanted children and you didn’t.”

All sympathy ended under a sudden lash of sorrow and pain. He turned his attention back to the ducks, but still he saw her in his peripheral vision. Indignant. Justified. Wrong.

“No. My marriage ended the day my daughter died.”

Chapter Three

Alex heard Samantha’s breath catch. And from the corner of his eye, he saw that she went completely white, the color draining from her cheeks.

“My God, Alex. I’m so sorry.” Without hesitating, she stepped forward, pressed herself to him and held him close. “What happened?”

He went still, bracing himself against the show of sympathy, against the fresh wave of pain. “I don’t talk about it.”

“Of course.” She took no exception, simply hugged him harder and said again, “I’m sorry.”

Her unexpected compassion touched him deeply. Perhaps because she was the first person outside his family and Doug to express sorrow for his loss. Caught in a sudden maelstrom of emotions, he clenched his teeth to contain the constriction in his throat.

Words were impossible. But he wasn’t ready to let her go. He lifted his right arm to hold her close, at the same time reaching for Gabe’s foot so he wouldn’t slip from his perch on Alex’s shoulders. Instead of Gabe’s sneaker, Alex’s hand closed over Samantha’s fingers. Even as she comforted him, she held his son safe.

Something buried inside him clicked into place. Tightening his grip on the two of them, he closed his eyes and quietly mourned the loss of his baby girl, so tiny, so frail she hadn’t survived being born three months early.

His six-year marriage hadn’t survived the tragedy. He’d been furious when his wife became pregnant against his wishes; but he’d gotten over it, supporting her through her pregnancy, even coming to love the child she carried.

Finding out his baby had died because his wife hadn’t followed doctor’s orders killed any feelings he had for her. She’d pretended to give up smoking, yet continued behind his back. Then he learned the doctor had advised complete bed rest a month before she went into premature labor. She’d said nothing to him and continued to work, then cried buckets when she miscarried.

He’d cried, too. But not in front of her. He’d cried alone.

No, he hadn’t wanted children, but his biggest regret wasn’t that his ex-wife deliberately betrayed him by getting pregnant. It was that he never got to hold his daughter in his arms. She came and went without him ever touching her. Without her ever knowing how much her daddy loved her.

His friends and neighbors had known he hadn’t wanted children, so his ex got all the sympathy. He was ignored, or worse, treated as if he were relieved. They’d made him feel he had no right to compassion, no right to grieve publicly. So he’d held it all inside.